All language subtitles for The Larkins S02E05 (20 Nov 2022) SD
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1
00:00:06,839 --> 00:00:08,679
It feels weird, Pop not being here.
2
00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:11,160
The twins said that since the verdict,
3
00:00:11,199 --> 00:00:13,000
Joy Spokes is avoiding them.
4
00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:15,599
Well, she's shy at the best of times
is Joy.
5
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,000
And little Dennis Lottle
told 'em we'd lose our farm.
6
00:00:18,039 --> 00:00:21,120
Hmm. People can be cruel.
Especially the Lottles.
7
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:22,640
How can anyone think he's a criminal?
8
00:00:22,679 --> 00:00:25,600
Well, the few that do will
look stupid when we prove he's not.
9
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:27,839
Exactly, so we need to gather
10
00:00:27,879 --> 00:00:29,640
evidence of errors in the prosecution,
11
00:00:29,679 --> 00:00:31,000
and appeal to the magistrate.
12
00:00:31,039 --> 00:00:32,280
Who are these evil neighbours?
13
00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:35,240
Well, we realised we don't know much
about them, so I'm investigating.
14
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,640
Good. So, these are avenues to explore
15
00:00:37,679 --> 00:00:40,200
to investigate financial impropriety.
16
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,159
At last, your legendary skills
as a taxman are coming in handy.
17
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,320
I'm still furious with you
for not telling us about Pop's case.
18
00:00:48,359 --> 00:00:50,119
And interrupt your honeymoon?
19
00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:52,759
To be fair,
it was two months and counting.
20
00:00:52,799 --> 00:00:55,920
Turns out there's loads of Europe.
So, next item.
21
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:59,079
Mariette informs me that none
of the Larkin young are baptised.
22
00:00:59,119 --> 00:01:03,079
Yeah, well, we never got round
to it. So do now, Ma.
23
00:01:03,119 --> 00:01:04,879
Pop's lack of
conventional respectability
24
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:06,120
may have counted against him.
25
00:01:06,159 --> 00:01:07,920
I'll tell Reverend Candy.
26
00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:10,239
I'm sure he'd help us
put together a quick ceremony.
27
00:01:12,079 --> 00:01:13,359
You look different somehow.
28
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,799
It's the glow of couple-y contentment.
29
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:18,480
Pop and I looked like
we had a light on inside us.
30
00:01:18,519 --> 00:01:21,200
Aw! Gotta dash to work.
31
00:01:21,239 --> 00:01:23,400
It is so nice having you back.
32
00:01:23,439 --> 00:01:25,000
It would've been sparse at dinner!
33
00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,560
Come on, you lot, out the way. Shoo!
34
00:01:29,599 --> 00:01:31,920
She seemed very keen
to talk to that new reverend.
35
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,359
You haven't seen him yet.
36
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,640
Oh, and we're gonna need expert help.
37
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,200
We stayed in London with Angela Snow,
38
00:01:39,239 --> 00:01:41,400
and her father
is an eminent retired lawyer.
39
00:01:41,439 --> 00:01:42,439
Oh, good.
40
00:01:42,479 --> 00:01:44,640
I didn't tell the little 'uns, but...
41
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:48,640
if we don't clear Pop's name,
then that's trust gone,
42
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:51,120
and our livelihood
might not be far behind. Ma, no.
43
00:01:51,158 --> 00:01:53,000
Ma, you need to focus on Pop.
44
00:01:53,039 --> 00:01:55,560
We will keep them happy
so this doesn't ruin their summer.
45
00:01:55,598 --> 00:01:57,719
Thanks.
46
00:01:57,759 --> 00:01:59,319
And there's the new swimming pool.
47
00:01:59,359 --> 00:02:01,799
A swim won't make up
for Pop being locked up.
48
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,319
How do you think he's doing in there?
49
00:02:03,359 --> 00:02:05,120
Oh, you know Pop.
50
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:06,719
He'll have talked them into letting him
51
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,560
go to the chippy every afternoon.
52
00:02:08,598 --> 00:02:10,598
CELL DOOR CLOSES
53
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,599
I'm no fan of Great Britain, biggest
mistake of my life coming here,
54
00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:25,599
but its judiciary is very reliable.
55
00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,199
I'm so angry with you at this moment.
56
00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:32,199
Mr Larkin is a darling,
but we all make mistakes, don't we?
57
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,759
I do.
58
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,520
Say you do. I do.
59
00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,560
On the contrary, it's
the biggest miscarriage of justice
60
00:02:39,599 --> 00:02:41,759
since they bumped me
and gave the Pimpernel to Niven.
61
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,680
Anyone know what that means?
62
00:02:43,719 --> 00:02:48,680
To not see Pop's astonishing face
out and about for a year...
63
00:02:48,719 --> 00:02:52,319
You need to keep busy, Edith,
or get a job in the prison.
64
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,759
I can't be any busier,
but it's all so meaningless now.
65
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,199
And Pop pays for so much in the village.
66
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:01,240
The Cheese Hoedown
has already been cancelled.
67
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:02,520
VICAR COUGHS
68
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,439
Where do you stand on Pop Larkin's
conviction, Vicar?
69
00:03:05,479 --> 00:03:07,280
You know me, I never judge.
70
00:03:07,319 --> 00:03:09,759
I hear your job is under threat
71
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,400
now the dynamic,
young Reverend Candy is here.
72
00:03:12,439 --> 00:03:15,039
Well, that's a tissue of baloney.
73
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:18,560
CAR DOORS SLAM EDITH: Is that them?
74
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:21,919
It ruddy is, isn't it?
Rise above, darling, rise above.
75
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,919
Villagers. You deal with any bad losers,
76
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,879
I'll chat to the more normal ones.
77
00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:29,079
No, no, no, you love a dust-up.
I'll, erm...
78
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,800
If I walk off in this direction...
Stop it. Be the man.
79
00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,840
How dare you show yourself
in the village of Mr Larkin.
80
00:03:34,879 --> 00:03:37,319
Talk to my husband.
81
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:41,560
Hello, ladies. What super tops!
Ooh, thank you!
82
00:03:41,599 --> 00:03:45,879
Get back in the car and leave,
or I will unleash my ghastly wrath!
83
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,039
Bloody useless.
84
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:03,719
It was so much fun,
85
00:04:03,759 --> 00:04:06,400
and Primrose was obsessed with
this handsome new Reverend Candy.
86
00:04:06,439 --> 00:04:07,599
That seems to have gone away.
87
00:04:07,639 --> 00:04:10,280
We slept in the open once. We were
attacked by owls. It was so great.
88
00:04:10,319 --> 00:04:11,319
We've missed you.
89
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:13,360
We loved the postcard
of the dead volcano people.
90
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,159
I'm the man about the house
now Pop's gone,
91
00:04:15,199 --> 00:04:18,519
but since you're back, Charley,
we'll take it in turns.
92
00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:21,199
Yep, good system.
What's it like being married?
93
00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:22,879
Is it true love gets deeper and deeper?
94
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,360
Or does it get stale? Like bread?
95
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,639
We girls have been crying
ourselves to sleep about Pop.
96
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,600
We don't know what to do with ourselves.
97
00:04:29,639 --> 00:04:31,879
Thanks, can we actually
just clear our heads?
98
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,040
But see you for some fun later?
99
00:04:34,079 --> 00:04:36,240
All right! Thanks.
100
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,120
I love them, but I'm exhausted already.
101
00:04:40,159 --> 00:04:42,639
Yes, I forgot how much they have to say.
102
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,480
So let's not tell them I'm pregnant.
Oh, agreed.
103
00:04:46,639 --> 00:04:48,000
Oh, am I walking too fast?
104
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,680
No. Are you sure?
Do... Do you want a rest?
105
00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:53,920
We've walked ten yards. I'm having
a baby, not a nervous breakdown.
106
00:04:53,959 --> 00:04:55,079
Shh!
107
00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:08,120
Thanks for letting me do this at work.
108
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:09,319
Oh, no, it's not sentiment.
109
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:11,519
I sense a good story
if your dad's been nobbled.
110
00:05:16,759 --> 00:05:19,560
PHONE LINE RINGS
111
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,879
Angela! Ma Larkin. How are ya?
112
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:26,439
I'm bodacious,
and how are you, Pop, and the tots?
113
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,839
Pop was sentenced
to a year in prison yesterday...
114
00:05:29,879 --> 00:05:33,560
'so we need your help.'
Oh, my God, darling. What?
115
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:38,560
I know it is an outrage, but I hear
that your father is a legal person.
116
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,319
Yes, darling, a QC. 'What's that?'
117
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,879
Queen's Counsel.
118
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,519
What, he counsels the Queen?! 'Well...'
119
00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:47,199
yes, sort of.
120
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,399
Oh, what's she like?
121
00:05:49,439 --> 00:05:51,680
Tell me when you come down to us
at the farm.
122
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:52,879
You and your dad must stay.
123
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,000
We will be there. Father's very wise.
124
00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:59,120
Thank the Lord,
cos we need a bit of that.
125
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,399
Though rather ancient.
126
00:06:00,439 --> 00:06:03,560
Got to dash, Angela.
Come as soon as you can.
127
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,399
Plenty of beds here!
128
00:06:05,439 --> 00:06:07,399
I was wondering
if you have business information
129
00:06:07,439 --> 00:06:09,160
on a Mr Cuthbert Jerebohm,
who is listed...
130
00:06:09,199 --> 00:06:11,600
Do you have any record
of any police cautions, convictions,
131
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:13,480
or bankruptcy orders
in the name Jerebohm -
132
00:06:13,519 --> 00:06:14,560
Phyllis or Cuthbert?
133
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,199
Shouldn't you be checking the proofs?
134
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:18,839
No, no. This is more interesting.
Yeah, uh-huh.
135
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,639
Oh, what a scumbag!
136
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:25,600
BUZZER BLARES
137
00:06:48,079 --> 00:06:50,879
They told me I can't give you a hug.
I know.
138
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:55,600
And I brought you some food, but
they say I've gotta take it home.
139
00:06:55,639 --> 00:06:57,759
I can do without the trimmings, Ma.
140
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,920
It's you and the kids I miss...
141
00:06:59,959 --> 00:07:02,439
and the air and the light.
142
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:06,360
They all send their love, and
Mariette and Charley rushed home.
143
00:07:06,399 --> 00:07:08,399
Ah, Lord love 'em.
144
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,639
MA SIGHS
145
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:14,959
Come on, Stu.
146
00:07:17,879 --> 00:07:20,040
POP CHUCKLES, MA SIGHS
147
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:22,920
So, how is it?
148
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:26,319
Well, it's a prison, innit?
149
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,639
I'm betting
it's like any community, you know?
150
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:33,240
You gotta suss it out, treat folk nice,
151
00:07:33,279 --> 00:07:34,439
and make it work for YOU, Ma.
152
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:38,360
And they've got a workshop,
so I'm making new friends.
153
00:07:38,399 --> 00:07:39,600
POP CHUCKLES
154
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,000
Well, don't get too used to it...
155
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:45,839
POP CHUCKLES
..cos we are gonna get you out.
156
00:07:47,519 --> 00:07:50,759
Just gimme a couple of days. Of course.
157
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:54,920
What you got?
158
00:07:54,959 --> 00:07:57,399
Jerebohm is a double-bankrupt
with a conviction for fraud,
159
00:07:57,439 --> 00:08:00,000
so he lied about the unblemished
social and financial standing.
160
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,519
Pinkie Jerebohm was married before.
161
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,759
Her husband filed for divorce
on the grounds of cruelty. Wow.
162
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,279
Yeah.
163
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,040
At the time, she was a member
of the burlesque dance troupe
164
00:08:09,079 --> 00:08:12,160
Folie The Bear, based in Dagenham.
165
00:08:12,199 --> 00:08:15,560
I like the sound of her.
No, you don't! Is that enough?
166
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,600
Well, maybe not, but it's a good start.
167
00:08:17,639 --> 00:08:20,160
Some of these old magistrates,
they can be just sweet-talked,
168
00:08:20,199 --> 00:08:21,839
but yours isn't one of 'em.
169
00:08:21,879 --> 00:08:23,879
Ma can be quite persuasive, as you know.
170
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,160
HE CHUCKLES
171
00:08:27,319 --> 00:08:29,040
Your gentleman caller is back.
172
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:31,399
Erm, hello.
173
00:08:33,159 --> 00:08:34,159
Hello.
174
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:42,679
Feel free to chat in my office.
No, no, we... we have a routine.
175
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,039
So, how can we fix this?
176
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,240
You stop treating the two of us
like a guilty secret.
177
00:08:56,279 --> 00:08:58,440
It's only until I'm known in the parish.
178
00:08:58,480 --> 00:08:59,440
Now my pop's in prison,
179
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,639
I must be even more embarrassing
to be associated with.
180
00:09:03,039 --> 00:09:05,159
So let's keep it businesslike.
181
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,080
Will you please christen me
and my six siblings?
182
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,240
None of you are baptised?
183
00:09:09,279 --> 00:09:11,799
Pop and Ma think being good people
is the same as being baptised.
184
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,639
That's... not a conventional reading
of the Anglican rules.
185
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,159
They aren't conventional parents,
186
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,039
otherwise Pop
wouldn't be in a prison cell,
187
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,360
and Ma wouldn't have
a varnished snail shell collection.
188
00:09:23,519 --> 00:09:24,799
I would love to baptise you all.
189
00:09:27,159 --> 00:09:28,159
Thank you.
190
00:09:31,879 --> 00:09:34,720
DOOR SLAMS Afternoon.
191
00:09:34,759 --> 00:09:38,519
I need you to pull strings
and get Pop a TV in his cell
192
00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:41,879
cos he loves telly, and he's
not so good on the book reading,
193
00:09:41,919 --> 00:09:43,840
though he's making
some nifty arts and crafts.
194
00:09:43,879 --> 00:09:46,159
I don't think I have the power
to install a television
195
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,200
in Her Majesty's...
196
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,399
Well, Constable,
you had the power to arrest Pop
197
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:53,159
and get this whole mess started,
so I expect amends to be made.
198
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,639
Mrs Larkin, I hope I've made it clear
199
00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:56,080
how bad I feel about Pop and...
200
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:59,200
Oh, you did, gorgeous...
201
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:02,200
but bad feelings
don't butter no parsnips.
202
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:03,440
Nice to be back with Pauline?
203
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,960
Yeah. Yeah.
Although she's still angry with me.
204
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,399
In fact, she's withholding...
205
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,720
..certain things till Pop gets out.
206
00:10:11,759 --> 00:10:13,240
What things?
207
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,960
Oh, well, you know, the physical, erm...
208
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,360
Don't make me say it.
209
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:21,600
Oh. Good for Pauline. Sure it's not
just that she doesn't fancy it?
210
00:10:21,639 --> 00:10:25,840
Oh, erm... no.
No, I... I think she fancies it.
211
00:10:25,879 --> 00:10:28,960
I mean, she makes all the right, er...
212
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,039
noises.
213
00:10:31,159 --> 00:10:32,919
Well, believe me,
214
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,559
we are full steam ahead
to get this verdict overturned.
215
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,519
It doesn't need to be a big telly,
216
00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:40,759
and a wireless would be nice an' all.
217
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:46,519
You'll be all right. The time'll fly by.
218
00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:49,559
No... I think it'll be interminable.
219
00:10:50,639 --> 00:10:54,360
You occupy a special place
in the village, Mr Larkin.
220
00:10:55,399 --> 00:10:57,879
And in my heart. Oh, Edith...
221
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,559
Oh, we had an accident
earlier today in the prison laundry.
222
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,320
Starch got sprayed everywhere.
223
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,279
The guards are looking
for hardened criminals.
224
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:06,360
HE LAUGHS
225
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,679
I just feel so helpless and trapped.
226
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,000
SHE SOBS
227
00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:14,279
Oh...
228
00:11:27,399 --> 00:11:28,879
KNOCK ON DOOR Hmm.
229
00:11:28,919 --> 00:11:31,759
Good morning. You may remember me.
230
00:11:31,799 --> 00:11:34,320
You convicted my husband
Sidney Larkin a day or two ago.
231
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,639
Yes, I did.
232
00:11:35,679 --> 00:11:38,200
Well, we'd love you
to reconsider your decision
233
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:42,679
and agree to our appeal,
so we can see justice restored.
234
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:43,720
All due respect.
235
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,039
My husband's accusers
236
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,240
have a history of criminality and
moral turpitude as long as your arm.
237
00:11:51,279 --> 00:11:52,600
It's all in there.
238
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,320
Hello, Reverend. Alec and Norma Norman.
239
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,200
Yes. We are regular church-goers,
240
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,600
but prefer to attend in Pye Merkin,
241
00:12:27,639 --> 00:12:30,120
which offers an elevated social stratum.
242
00:12:30,159 --> 00:12:31,960
Not that God judges us like that
of co...
243
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,279
There are no Larkins there, for example.
244
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,440
I find them delightful.
245
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,639
Then you'll know that Mr Larkin
is in prison,
246
00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:40,240
and his appeal has failed.
247
00:12:40,279 --> 00:12:44,200
Yes, the vicar told me.
He feasts on bad news.
248
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,919
Clearly Larkin's so-called generosity
249
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,799
was financed by him nicking stuff.
250
00:12:51,519 --> 00:12:54,639
Thank you for giving me
the subject of my sermon this week.
251
00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:56,559
Thievery?
252
00:12:56,600 --> 00:13:00,559
Rev, can you come and explain to
my boy that he's not going to Hell.
253
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,480
He can't sleep nights.
Ah, I'm actually on my way to...
254
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:07,919
HE SIGHS
255
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,120
Yes, of course.
256
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:36,440
Darling Ma.
257
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,960
Angela, thank you so much for coming.
258
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,840
Well, of course, this is an outrage!
259
00:13:43,879 --> 00:13:47,639
Someone's pants are hugely on fire
and they must be avenged.
260
00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:51,879
I cannot believe that the magistrate
would not accept our appeal.
261
00:13:51,919 --> 00:13:53,840
For once, I'm wondering
if I'm up to the task.
262
00:13:53,879 --> 00:13:55,279
Well, you're not a lawyer,
263
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:59,159
but my father is,
and there's nothing he can't do.
264
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,840
Evening! Afternoon.
265
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:14,600
Afternoon, my mistake. Easily done.
266
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:24,200
Welcome to Larkin Farm,
your Royal Honour.
267
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,000
Oh, I say. How kind of you.
268
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:36,639
Yes?
269
00:14:36,679 --> 00:14:39,279
Hello, Vicar.
I need to speak to Reverend Candy.
270
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:40,679
Why? He's not here.
271
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:45,720
Um, he's baptising some Larkins, and
I need to give him our full names.
272
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,120
I'll take them. In!
273
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,240
It's very much a room of two halves,
isn't it?
274
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,080
Mm.
275
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,120
You'd have to ask my junior
276
00:15:06,159 --> 00:15:09,279
why he's vacuumed and tidied
only his side.
277
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,480
Well, I imagine Reverend Candy
would say he realised
278
00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:13,840
he was doing all the work,
so he needed to dig his heels in.
279
00:15:13,879 --> 00:15:15,639
You're very well informed.
280
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,320
Well, when he isn't
digging his heels in,
281
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:19,519
he's very special, isn't he?
282
00:15:19,559 --> 00:15:22,639
He's boosted church attendance,
and he looks lovely, and...
283
00:15:22,679 --> 00:15:24,679
Yeah, I'm tired of hearing
how special he is.
284
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,480
Oh. Well, I'll shut up, then.
285
00:15:31,039 --> 00:15:32,440
Are these names a joke?
286
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:33,799
Sadly, no.
287
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,879
Well, I'm still the vicar here,
despite the rev's obvious ambition,
288
00:15:36,919 --> 00:15:39,080
so if anyone's gonna do it, it'll be me.
289
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:42,000
But... he offered first.
290
00:15:42,039 --> 00:15:43,159
He's too busy.
291
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,519
And if you or any other Larkin
want to set foot in church again
292
00:15:46,559 --> 00:15:49,039
or get married here,
you'll be sprinkled by me,
293
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,480
Vicar-in-Chief.
294
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,759
Well, it seems Reverend Candy has
been detained by his huge workload,
295
00:15:57,799 --> 00:15:59,480
so I'll say goodbye.
296
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,080
See you at your christening.
297
00:16:09,759 --> 00:16:12,399
Hey! Come on. Let's have some fun!
298
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,200
There's more important
and serious things going on.
299
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,399
All the more reason to have some fun!
300
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,840
Like, er... er...
Like the belly flop contest!
301
00:16:23,879 --> 00:16:26,559
Loudest smack wins! Not in the mood.
302
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,080
Come on, Ma told me to cheer you all up.
303
00:16:30,279 --> 00:16:33,039
Right. Come on.
304
00:16:34,919 --> 00:16:36,360
OK.
305
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,279
I actually wouldn't recommend that.
306
00:16:45,159 --> 00:16:48,000
Mum, Charley and Prim
are getting more evidence together.
307
00:16:48,039 --> 00:16:49,679
Then they'll try again on the appeal.
308
00:16:50,799 --> 00:16:54,720
Oh, Pop, it's fabulous to see you
again, even in a prison uniform.
309
00:16:54,759 --> 00:16:58,320
You too, darlin'. Yeah. So, come on,
tell me something cheerful.
310
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,640
I will, as you're stuck in here,
311
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,079
but you have to promise
not to tell anyone, even Ma.
312
00:17:08,118 --> 00:17:09,640
I can tell Stu, though, right?
313
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,839
We've got no secrets, have we, Stu? Nah.
314
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,519
I'm pregnant.
You're gonna be a granddad.
315
00:17:15,559 --> 00:17:18,880
Oh, Mariette, that makes me so happy.
316
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:19,920
And that makes me happy.
317
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,559
Me and Ma were saying, "What's
taking you and Charley so long?"
318
00:17:22,598 --> 00:17:23,759
We've been together a year.
319
00:17:23,799 --> 00:17:26,118
Exactly, you should've knocked out
a coupla twins by now.
320
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:27,960
Pop!
321
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:36,519
ORGAN PLAYS
322
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,880
Remember,
promise not to tell the family.
323
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,319
Not till we get you out at least.
324
00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:10,680
Of course. My lips are seals.
325
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,359
Thanks, Pop.
326
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,599
Ain't she lovely? It's my oldest.
She's pregnant, you know?
327
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,920
MEN: Great! Congratulations! Well done!
328
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,440
Let's go out and celebrate! THEY LAUGH
329
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,599
Hello, dear. How much is a big whisky?
330
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,160
Three bob.
Are you sure, Miss Pilchester?
331
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,279
Never seen you take alcohol.
Just line her up, please.
332
00:18:40,079 --> 00:18:42,240
Did you see the show-jumping
on telly last night?
333
00:18:42,279 --> 00:18:44,799
No, I... don't have a machine.
334
00:19:03,279 --> 00:19:04,880
Upset about Pop?
335
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,240
Yes, I am. I'd like another, please.
336
00:19:08,279 --> 00:19:13,519
Then I'll go home to my spinster's
home and my spinster's life.
337
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:16,680
How many drinks do I need to get drunk?
338
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:22,039
Depends. Some old lush told me there
are seven stages of intoxication.
339
00:19:22,079 --> 00:19:23,599
Oh, and what number am I?
340
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:25,680
Two and a half.
341
00:19:26,839 --> 00:19:30,680
I've been known to go past stage
four. You don't wanna do that.
342
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,799
No, of course not. Why not?
343
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:37,759
Cos to give you some idea,
six is coma and seven is death.
344
00:19:37,799 --> 00:19:40,119
Right. Thank you.
345
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,519
PIANO PLAYS
346
00:19:48,559 --> 00:19:53,440
# Cold blows the wind O'er my true love
347
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,599
# Cold blows the drops of rain... #
348
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,160
Come on, Pauline.
349
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:02,559
# I never had but one true love
350
00:20:02,599 --> 00:20:07,440
# In the greenwood, he was slain
351
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:12,559
# I'll do as much for my true love
352
00:20:12,599 --> 00:20:16,480
# As any young girl may. #
353
00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:18,640
Edith, we'll take you home.
354
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:22,880
Hey, I bought your crow a gin, you
said he'd recite the Lord's Prayer.
355
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:26,680
Yeah, well, this has never happened
before. I'd better drink it.
356
00:20:27,839 --> 00:20:29,200
SHE SCOFFS
357
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:33,960
Evening.
358
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,880
Any chance I could arrest you
for being pretty after your shift?
359
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:40,319
Thanks, but I've got
another job for you.
360
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:41,759
Oh, what's that?
361
00:20:42,759 --> 00:20:44,319
Taking Miss Pilchester home.
362
00:20:46,599 --> 00:20:49,440
Ah... I'd love to,
but it's not Thursday,
363
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,839
so I haven't got use
of the police vehicle.
364
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,519
And?
365
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,200
Please, look,
watch me do Charley's trick.
366
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,680
SHE SIGHS
367
00:21:14,079 --> 00:21:17,279
So, the Jerebohms are as fake
as a dog with nine legs.
368
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:18,920
But the magistrate, Major Sprague,
369
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:20,599
says we can only challenge on the facts.
370
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:24,839
Well, the case that you've outlined
seems riddled with inconsistencies.
371
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,440
Don't you agree, Daddy?
372
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:30,200
What? Oh, yes, yes, I do.
373
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:34,000
Becau... Well, yes, erm...
374
00:21:34,039 --> 00:21:35,960
These days he takes a while to warm up.
375
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,119
The Queen's worn him out!
376
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,079
Ah, yes, erm...
377
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:45,880
Who was present at the planning
of this fraud and break-in?
378
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:47,359
Hmm? Ah?
379
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,720
And do you think
they could they be persuaded
380
00:21:49,759 --> 00:21:50,920
to do the decent thing?
381
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,480
Only Mr and Mrs Jerebohms
and Alec Norman were there.
382
00:21:53,519 --> 00:21:55,519
Ah...
383
00:21:55,559 --> 00:21:56,640
Oh.
384
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,079
I had to tell Pop.
385
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:02,119
I felt so sorry for him,
dressed like a criminal.
386
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,400
If anyone can make use
of his time inside, it's your dad.
387
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,359
God, if he did ten years,
he'd leave as Prison Governor.
388
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,559
Mm. He's smooth-talked himself
a job in the kitchen.
389
00:22:10,599 --> 00:22:12,599
You see! What a...
390
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:14,799
Is that a rattlesnake?
391
00:22:14,839 --> 00:22:17,759
Rattlesnakes in Kent?!
You're still such a townie.
392
00:22:17,799 --> 00:22:21,039
Oh, I'm sorry... Can you check an
income tax form in under a minute?
393
00:22:21,079 --> 00:22:23,319
Cos I can. Ooh, you sexy beast!
394
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,480
Oh, evening, Constable. Evening.
395
00:22:38,799 --> 00:22:42,359
What you watching, square-eyes? Dunno.
396
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,119
Just to warn you,
in case you see the vicar,
397
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,599
he wants to baptise us all.
398
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,200
We want the young, handsome one.
399
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,400
Well, the old gnarled one
says he's doing it
400
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,319
or none of us
can ever get married in his church.
401
00:22:52,599 --> 00:22:53,960
Then we have to go ahead.
402
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,000
Me and Petunia
have already planned our weddings.
403
00:22:56,039 --> 00:22:57,720
I'm having real unicorns in church.
404
00:22:57,759 --> 00:22:59,400
You can order them from South America.
405
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,319
Oh! I don't wanna do it no more.
406
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:03,680
As the man about the house now,
407
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,359
I need to remind you
why we're doing this:
408
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,240
to make people think we're respectable.
409
00:23:07,279 --> 00:23:09,559
Oh, we are respectable,
410
00:23:09,599 --> 00:23:11,759
but you know what,
it might be a healthy diversion.
411
00:23:11,799 --> 00:23:13,759
And an excuse for new frocks.
412
00:23:13,799 --> 00:23:15,440
I'll wear one of Dad's suits.
413
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,960
CHOKED: Mm...
414
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:21,720
Stop it now! Who wants hot chocolate?
415
00:23:21,759 --> 00:23:26,400
# All things bright and beautiful
416
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:31,759
# The Lord God made them all. #
417
00:23:31,799 --> 00:23:35,440
Thank you, that was, erm... Thank you.
418
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:41,480
Once in a golden hour
I cast to earth a seed
419
00:23:41,519 --> 00:23:45,079
Up there came a flower
420
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,720
The people said, a weed.
421
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,119
Tennyson.
422
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:55,160
In other words,
today's sermon is about judgement.
423
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:56,640
ORGAN SOUNDS Sorry!
424
00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:00,000
Why do we love to condemn,
425
00:24:00,039 --> 00:24:03,680
and see guilt or fault
where there is none?
426
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:09,279
Why does kindness
so often come second to blame?
427
00:24:09,319 --> 00:24:11,200
No, don't just accept it!
428
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,200
Let's work hard to love each other more!
429
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,160
And to share that love,
430
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,880
because how else will we make the world
431
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,640
a better and more beautiful place?
432
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,519
Who do you all love?
433
00:24:29,079 --> 00:24:31,359
I love Primrose Larkin.
434
00:25:06,599 --> 00:25:09,240
DOOR OPENS
435
00:25:10,799 --> 00:25:14,200
I've never seen any of these people
before in my life!
436
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:18,440
THEY LAUGH
Oh, come on. Welcome back, Charley.
437
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,759
This is gonna take a while, innit, hey?
438
00:25:20,799 --> 00:25:24,240
You all right, darling? That's it.
Thank you, Victoria.
439
00:25:24,279 --> 00:25:27,240
And first thing you've all gotta do
is stop with the tragic faces
440
00:25:27,279 --> 00:25:29,960
cos me telly's arrived,
you brilliant woman.
441
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,160
THEY LAUGH Oh, mwah!
442
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:33,720
Hey, and guess what,
443
00:25:33,759 --> 00:25:35,240
I've been working in the kitchen now.
444
00:25:35,279 --> 00:25:37,440
Turns out you can have
a lot of fun cooking.
445
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:39,319
You should try it, Ma. THEY LAUGH
446
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:42,000
Hey, hey, hey. Stu, come on.
447
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:46,200
There you go.
Watch, watch, watch, watch!
448
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:47,880
Get ready! THEY GASP
449
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,839
Wow! Oh! Ta-da!
450
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:52,359
Oh, my Lord. Hey!
451
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:53,519
That is a work of art.
452
00:25:53,559 --> 00:25:56,480
Thank you. Monty get a photo, son.
That's it.
453
00:25:56,519 --> 00:26:00,480
Now then, newlyweds,
have you got something to tell me?
454
00:26:00,519 --> 00:26:02,640
We... don't know what you mean.
455
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:06,240
About your Europe.
Just been round it, ain't you, eh?
456
00:26:06,279 --> 00:26:07,599
I'm not seeing much of it in here.
457
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,160
We promise, Pop, you'll hear
every detail as soon as you get out.
458
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:11,200
Good.
459
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,240
On that subject, your escape
committee are making progress
460
00:26:14,279 --> 00:26:17,839
with the assistance
of Angela Snow's dad, who's a QC -
461
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,920
that stands for Counsel to the Queen.
462
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,720
Special lady. I love a queen.
463
00:26:23,759 --> 00:26:26,839
Ma, we know. We know you love a queen.
464
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:28,160
Yeah, thank you.
465
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,799
And you can all imagine
how much you mean to me.
466
00:26:30,839 --> 00:26:32,960
So...
467
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,160
what about this baby?
468
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:37,839
Come on, Oscar.
469
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:41,799
Hey, are you gonna come
and give us a song?
470
00:26:41,839 --> 00:26:44,200
Hey, give us a chorus of Jailhouse Rock?
471
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,160
Look at that, Oscar.
Oh, that looks lovely.
472
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,039
Don't have too much fun.
This is a prison, you know!
473
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,799
But Pop seemed all right, though,
didn't he, Ma... considering?
474
00:26:54,839 --> 00:26:57,279
I was just thinking about him
missing your christenings.
475
00:26:57,319 --> 00:27:01,279
He's not churchy, though, is he?
He says he worships women.
476
00:27:01,319 --> 00:27:03,960
He's not one for ceremonies, either,
otherwise you'd be married.
477
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,279
We've been too busy raising you lot.
478
00:27:06,319 --> 00:27:08,480
We'll record it. What?
479
00:27:08,519 --> 00:27:10,000
On one of those
little cine film cameras.
480
00:27:10,039 --> 00:27:11,480
And Pop can watch it when he gets out.
481
00:27:11,519 --> 00:27:13,680
I don't understand modern technology.
482
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,400
Hold on, did we leave Oscar in jail?
483
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,279
No, I've got him. Ah.
484
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,599
Come on. "Did we leave him...?" God!
485
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:22,960
Can you imagine?!
486
00:27:32,599 --> 00:27:34,200
Ah, hello, darling.
487
00:27:42,839 --> 00:27:45,119
Why are you doing that face? Hmm?
488
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,480
Oh, I'm rehearsing my forthcoming role
489
00:27:47,519 --> 00:27:49,680
of a man who looks wistfully back
at his life.
490
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:50,839
Ah.
491
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,319
I had a lady sat here earlier,
492
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:56,359
who mentioned
a spectacular sermon yesterday
493
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,119
by the new reverend.
494
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,079
Yes, I've been told by 18,000 people (!)
495
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:02,200
He's very dynamic.
496
00:28:03,839 --> 00:28:05,759
It seems like you're the old tortoise,
497
00:28:05,799 --> 00:28:08,680
and he's the hare, yet, in fact,
he keeps winning the race.
498
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:13,279
RIGHT!
That was quite a reaction. Bit much?
499
00:28:13,319 --> 00:28:16,960
I've given my life to this parish.
Yes, I'm a bit tired now.
500
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,160
No, I don't go in for showy displays
of religiosity,
501
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:23,400
but I am still a massively important
spiritual leader!
502
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,160
And I will prove it.
503
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:28,880
Yes, that's much better.
Yes, lots of vim.
504
00:28:34,799 --> 00:28:38,160
You really miss your Pop, don't ya?
505
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:41,400
AS POP: All right, darlin'? Perfick.
506
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,440
SHE CHUCKLES
507
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,759
Miss Pilchester! What a pleasure.
508
00:28:47,799 --> 00:28:49,559
It's all mine, Mrs Larkin.
509
00:28:49,599 --> 00:28:52,599
I just wanted to say
how absolutely ghastly
510
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:53,960
it must be without your husband.
511
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:57,039
TEARFULLY: Yeah... Yeah, it is.
512
00:28:57,079 --> 00:29:00,039
And I'm going to be honest with you,
513
00:29:00,079 --> 00:29:03,559
inspired in part by Reverend Candy's
declaration of love for Primrose.
514
00:29:03,599 --> 00:29:07,799
Oh, there was so much rejoicing
in the Larkin household about that.
515
00:29:07,839 --> 00:29:09,839
Well, if I may...
516
00:29:14,279 --> 00:29:15,599
..I love your husband.
517
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:17,480
Oh, we all love Pop... No.
518
00:29:17,519 --> 00:29:19,680
No, really love him.
A frightening amount.
519
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,519
MA SCOFFS I can never have him
520
00:29:21,559 --> 00:29:24,720
because you are
the most glorious, loving couple,
521
00:29:24,759 --> 00:29:27,359
but I just wanted to lay my love out
in the open
522
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:29,839
like a huge,
slightly embarrassing pumpkin
523
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:31,440
and never mention it again.
524
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:33,480
Oh, Edith.
525
00:29:33,519 --> 00:29:36,000
It also explains
my recent drunken escapade.
526
00:29:36,039 --> 00:29:38,200
There's... There's no need to explain.
527
00:29:39,559 --> 00:29:42,319
Love Pop as much as you like.
528
00:29:42,359 --> 00:29:44,240
He's got a lot of time for you as well.
529
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,279
Tea for two in the garden, please?!
530
00:29:50,039 --> 00:29:52,599
But you're so hard on yourself.
531
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,480
Look at you.
532
00:29:55,519 --> 00:29:57,519
You're beautiful...
Have to stop you there.
533
00:29:57,559 --> 00:29:59,519
You are! Sorry.
534
00:30:02,079 --> 00:30:05,359
You're passionate
and energetic and kind.
535
00:30:06,559 --> 00:30:08,319
But you're not kind to yourself.
536
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:12,000
Love yourself more, Edith.
537
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:15,200
I'll try.
538
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:18,200
In the meantime, can I do anything
to help bring Pop home?
539
00:30:19,279 --> 00:30:21,519
Well, we're trying to think of someone
540
00:30:21,559 --> 00:30:24,359
who'd come over to our side
with evidence.
541
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,680
Funny you should say that.
542
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:29,799
Looking at the Jerebohms' chauffeur,
I sensed he was thinking,
543
00:30:29,839 --> 00:30:31,599
"Why am I working
for this absolute bitch?"
544
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,279
Yes, I'm saying things out loud
these days
545
00:30:34,319 --> 00:30:35,640
which are meant just for my head.
546
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:40,200
Do be careful about that,
but... the chauffeur.
547
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:41,720
That's a good thought.
548
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,240
Hello, dears!
549
00:30:45,279 --> 00:30:49,720
Oh, thanks, poppets! SHE CHUCKLES
550
00:30:49,759 --> 00:30:52,240
Why don't you get Mariette
to sweet-talk him?
551
00:30:52,279 --> 00:30:53,920
What's his name? Berndt.
552
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:56,119
Burnt? He's Austrian.
553
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,519
Hello, Vicar!
554
00:30:59,559 --> 00:31:02,359
Come and join the party.
What brings you here?
555
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,359
Another cup and the big cake!
556
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,119
And a cold flannel!
557
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:13,079
I hear that the Reverend Candy
has been stealing your thunder.
558
00:31:13,119 --> 00:31:16,039
To be honest, we're all wondering
why you're still here, Vicar.
559
00:31:16,079 --> 00:31:18,400
Sorry. That...
That escaped from my head.
560
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:21,480
BREATHLESSLY:
And that's exactly why I'm here.
561
00:31:21,519 --> 00:31:22,799
HE PANTS HEAVILY
562
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:27,440
Ah!
563
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:32,759
I'm organising a mass christening
for your kids
564
00:31:32,799 --> 00:31:36,160
and anyone else who's been too much
of a heathen to get around to it.
565
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:37,519
We're not heathens.
566
00:31:37,559 --> 00:31:40,960
We just reckon that God'll take us
as He finds us.
567
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,839
It doesn't work like that.
568
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,160
It really doesn't.
I've read the big book.
569
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,119
All right. Go on, then.
570
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:50,559
Allow plenty of time
cos they've got a few middle names.
571
00:31:50,599 --> 00:31:52,000
I know.
572
00:31:52,039 --> 00:31:54,200
And I'm gonna steal
my thunder back from Candy,
573
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:55,880
so I'm here to say
574
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,759
I'll be using your new swimming pool
for the baptism.
575
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,720
All right! THEY CHUCKLE
576
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,440
What do I do
if the horrible family come back?
577
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:16,480
They won't.
578
00:32:16,519 --> 00:32:18,519
He dropped Mr Jerebohm off
at the station
579
00:32:18,559 --> 00:32:20,920
and Mrs and their weird children
at the golf course.
580
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:24,480
OK, right, well, off I go, then.
How do I look?
581
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,039
Charley? Huh?
582
00:32:28,079 --> 00:32:30,440
Sorry. Um, yeah, looking good.
583
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:32,720
Mm-hm? Too good.
584
00:32:34,279 --> 00:32:35,440
I need to look seductive.
585
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:37,640
Hey.
586
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:48,079
Really? SHE CHUCKLES
587
00:32:48,119 --> 00:32:50,920
Berndt is such a nice name,
really pretty.
588
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,960
Where did you get it from?
Oh, it's the usual. From my papi.
589
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,119
From your puppy?
590
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,759
My daddy, my papi. Of course.
591
00:32:57,799 --> 00:32:59,920
I love my dad so much.
592
00:32:59,960 --> 00:33:02,720
That's why I'm heartbroken.
I can't believe he'd steal.
593
00:33:04,279 --> 00:33:05,599
No.
594
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:09,680
So... tell me he didn't do it.
Just for my own peace of mind.
595
00:33:11,839 --> 00:33:13,279
Your papi didn't do it.
596
00:33:13,319 --> 00:33:16,559
Thank you. So that means
your employers must be evil.
597
00:33:16,599 --> 00:33:19,920
They are... totally!
So why are you working for them?
598
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:23,240
They have... information about me
which is very bad.
599
00:33:23,279 --> 00:33:26,359
I can't tell you how bad it is.
It's... so bad.
600
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,559
So they've put my innocent Pop in jail,
601
00:33:28,599 --> 00:33:30,240
and they're blackmailing you?
602
00:33:30,279 --> 00:33:33,279
Any other terrible things?
Yeah, there are other things.
603
00:33:33,319 --> 00:33:36,079
You need to say this
to the magistrate... to help us.
604
00:33:36,119 --> 00:33:37,319
I cannot.
605
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:42,640
TEARFULLY: Imagine how you'd feel...
if your dad was in prison, and...
606
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:44,119
SHE CRIES Oh!
607
00:33:46,319 --> 00:33:47,960
I'm sorry. I'm pregnant.
608
00:33:49,039 --> 00:33:52,960
I found a big potato in my handbag
this morning.
609
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,000
I must have put it there.
610
00:33:55,039 --> 00:33:56,200
Hormones.
611
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:57,599
Anyway... SHE SNIFFLES
612
00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,519
The safe was ordered and delivered
just before your daddy was caught.
613
00:34:00,559 --> 00:34:02,720
SHE GASPS IN RELIEF I have the wrapping.
614
00:34:02,759 --> 00:34:04,759
A coincidence? No.
615
00:34:04,799 --> 00:34:06,759
SHE LAUGHS TEARFULLY Thank you!
616
00:34:06,799 --> 00:34:10,679
Other things... would you like a hankie?
617
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:11,960
Yes, please!
618
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:14,719
Fraulein.
619
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:17,639
SHE BLOWS HER NOSE
620
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:21,360
It couldn't be clearer than
the nose on your face, could it?
621
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:22,960
Massive nose!
622
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:24,559
We're not saying your nose is massive.
623
00:34:24,599 --> 00:34:28,159
This evidence is in conjunction
with the papers already presented,
624
00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:30,360
duplicated in file D before you there,
625
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,639
of the Jerebohms' history
of moral and financial impropriety.
626
00:34:33,679 --> 00:34:37,599
I need more time
to consider my response, er...
627
00:34:37,639 --> 00:34:40,039
so we will reconvene on Monday morning.
628
00:34:43,639 --> 00:34:46,559
I just feel that it's not
a very good idea any more.
629
00:34:46,599 --> 00:34:48,360
The Larkins are very tenacious.
630
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:52,000
'You had your pound of flesh,
and I should release him.'
631
00:34:52,039 --> 00:34:54,920
Well, if you're planning to do that,
and that's fine...
632
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:56,280
Thank you.
633
00:34:56,320 --> 00:35:00,039
'I shall come round,
punch your stupid face a bit'
634
00:35:00,079 --> 00:35:02,280
then reveal you're a corrupt judge
635
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,920
and your whole life's work
has been a sham.
636
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:19,159
LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC, INDISTINCT CHATTER
637
00:35:29,559 --> 00:35:32,079
I can't swim, Vicar, so we'll
have to do it in the shallow end.
638
00:35:32,119 --> 00:35:34,840
Yeah, and can we not splash my hair?
I've had it done special.
639
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:36,320
Oh, shut up.
640
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,480
INDISTINCT CHATTER, ROWDY LAUGHTER
641
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:45,199
Was this a good idea? Yeah.
642
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:48,159
Distraction, eternal salvation
and a pool party,
643
00:35:48,199 --> 00:35:50,079
what could be better?
644
00:35:50,119 --> 00:35:53,119
Aw, look at the cherubs.
645
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,079
Here, Ma, have some Champagne.
646
00:35:59,559 --> 00:36:01,719
It's like theatre, religion, isn't it?
647
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,760
Ritualistic and heady,
with some lovely costuming.
648
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,639
You compare everything to showbusiness.
649
00:36:06,679 --> 00:36:11,199
You do, shopping, lawn-mowing,
a fish tank is like a stage.
650
00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:13,079
A good comedy is like a tomato.
651
00:36:13,119 --> 00:36:16,320
Oh, by the way,
do you know a good violin teacher?
652
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:18,239
I've assured the producer I can play,
653
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:20,280
and I've only got until Thursday
to learn.
654
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:22,639
But as I say, the fiery hair's
just a bonus, really.
655
00:36:24,599 --> 00:36:26,760
Do you know what
I love about her especially?
656
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,000
It's a combination of...
657
00:36:28,039 --> 00:36:30,199
Excuse me, I need to hand the vicar
his paraphernalia.
658
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:35,159
You've been banging on
about Primrose for half an hour,
659
00:36:35,199 --> 00:36:37,960
well, I'm a reasonably
interesting woman, too.
660
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:48,800
Hey. Hey.
661
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,079
You're not boozing - are you pregnant?
662
00:36:51,119 --> 00:36:53,280
If only! Silly boy!
663
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,599
Can you imagine? Come on,
we need to go and get ready.
664
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:05,840
Right, come on, come on,
let's have some hush.
665
00:37:07,079 --> 00:37:11,639
A baptism is a solemn sacrament
666
00:37:11,679 --> 00:37:14,840
to be approached with due reverence.
667
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:16,559
So I don't want to see
any farting around
668
00:37:16,599 --> 00:37:18,239
or whingeing about getting splashed.
669
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:21,159
Ah, now, how am I going to do this?
670
00:37:22,159 --> 00:37:24,840
Why don't you all get in the water
and we'll go from there?
671
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,119
SPLASHING, BABY CRIES
672
00:37:34,159 --> 00:37:36,480
It reminds me of the D-day landings.
673
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:41,519
I'm itching to go on.
Maybe I can borrow some trunks.
674
00:37:41,559 --> 00:37:44,320
I'm gonna take
the godparents' section as read
675
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,000
otherwise we'll be here all bloody day.
676
00:37:47,119 --> 00:37:48,679
Right.
677
00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,719
Actually, I now feel rather stupid.
678
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,559
Well, I know you, I'll start with you.
679
00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:12,440
"I baptise you,
680
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:15,880
"Primrose Violet Anemone Iris..." SIGHS
681
00:38:17,119 --> 00:38:20,480
"..Magnolia Narcissus Larkin."
682
00:38:20,519 --> 00:38:22,320
GEESE HONK AND FLUTTER
683
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:26,880
I hate geese!
684
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:33,360
Quick. Someone help her!
685
00:38:42,559 --> 00:38:44,760
LAUGHTER
686
00:38:46,039 --> 00:38:48,559
Oh, it's always about him, isn't it?
687
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:59,159
GUARD: Well done! MAN: Good on ya', Ma!
688
00:38:59,199 --> 00:39:01,599
Congratulations, Mrs Larkin.
689
00:39:01,639 --> 00:39:03,639
LOW CHATTER
690
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:07,760
All right, darlin'? I suppose.
691
00:39:09,519 --> 00:39:11,960
I've, er...
had a problem with a souffle.
692
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:14,719
Did you open the oven door
in the middle to take a look?
693
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,039
I know what you're like.
694
00:39:16,079 --> 00:39:18,920
Oh, I did, yeah, oh, yeah.
695
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:22,360
Could've been opening the oven door,
Stu, yeah, could've been that.
696
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:24,039
It's all looking good for your release,
697
00:39:24,079 --> 00:39:26,920
so I hope this is the last time
we're gonna have to meet here.
698
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,320
Well, I'm putting a brave
face on it, Ma, that's for sure.
699
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:32,880
I've made some friends in here,
but I wanna come home, Ma.
700
00:39:34,159 --> 00:39:36,000
How was the christening?
701
00:39:36,039 --> 00:39:40,239
Safe to say, for a religious service
it lacked a bit of "gravit-arse".
702
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:41,760
Sounds good. Wish I was there.
703
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:44,239
We thought of that.
704
00:39:48,119 --> 00:39:50,039
Ah!
705
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:54,440
Congratulations.
706
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:57,079
All right, what's going on?
707
00:39:57,119 --> 00:39:59,440
For your and Pop's future grandchild.
708
00:40:03,519 --> 00:40:05,639
TOY RATTLES
709
00:40:05,679 --> 00:40:09,239
See, Mariette and Charley,
they didn't want any fuss, Ma,
710
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:12,000
and so I promised them, but...
711
00:40:12,039 --> 00:40:13,679
I'm no good at keeping secrets.
712
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:19,440
I know it's not as much of
a holiday camp as you lot make out,
713
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:21,960
but thanks for looking after him.
714
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:26,320
I just need to know why is it
Pop was told, and I wasn't?
715
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:31,239
Ma, just don't tell the others.
716
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:34,519
Mariette and Charley don't want
any fuss till they're ready.
717
00:40:34,559 --> 00:40:36,079
Course I won't.
718
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:41,719
They're gonna have a baby!
719
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:44,039
We're gonna be aunties!
I'm Aunty Zinnia!
720
00:40:44,079 --> 00:40:45,360
Another christening!
721
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:47,960
No, absolutely not!
We'll arrange this one...
722
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:50,440
Hello, Ma!
723
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:56,599
JOYFUL LAUGHTER
724
00:40:56,639 --> 00:41:01,079
And I regard unattributed innuendo,
masquerading as evidence,
725
00:41:01,119 --> 00:41:02,719
to be a very shaky basis
726
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:05,760
for overturning
a well-considered judgement.
727
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,079
Are you out of your tiny?
728
00:41:08,119 --> 00:41:10,960
No, and the verdict stands.
729
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,760
Well, we're not giving up.
730
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:13,880
I work for a newspaper,
731
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,440
and we will make sure everyone knows
about this abuse of power.
732
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:19,000
I'd advise that you didn't.
733
00:41:19,039 --> 00:41:21,960
Any attempt to raise the matter
or appeal again,
734
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:26,239
and I'll be minded
to double Sidney Larkin's sentence.
735
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:29,199
What...?!
736
00:41:31,079 --> 00:41:34,559
So he has been
well and truly done like a kipper,
737
00:41:34,599 --> 00:41:37,000
as Pop would no doubt describe it.
738
00:41:37,039 --> 00:41:40,039
Right. You have to say,
they got jolly close.
739
00:41:40,079 --> 00:41:42,239
Pinkie will be breathing
a sigh of relief
740
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:44,199
out of her pair of pretty lungs.
741
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:45,440
Yes.
742
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:48,480
Obviously, there's a slight
disappointment that Major Sprague
743
00:41:48,519 --> 00:41:51,719
didn't actually bump Larkin's
sentence up to two years, but...
744
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:54,440
Stop now.
745
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:55,920
Something wrong?
746
00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:00,159
Do you need a drink
at three o'clock in the afternoon?
747
00:42:00,199 --> 00:42:02,400
Yes, I do,
748
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:05,840
because I appear to be married to
a man without a shred of conscience.
749
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:10,519
The Larkins are an irritant,
but they've never been evil.
750
00:42:10,559 --> 00:42:12,480
Is there a difference? Really?
751
00:42:12,519 --> 00:42:14,760
You cooked up this plan
with the Jerebohms.
752
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:16,360
Well, I was more of a consultant.
753
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:19,400
And I let it happen because frankly
I never thought it would work...
754
00:42:21,119 --> 00:42:22,559
..but Pop is in prison.
755
00:42:22,599 --> 00:42:25,280
Doesn't that
make you feel uncomfortable?
756
00:42:43,199 --> 00:42:45,159
Do you know what this is?
757
00:42:45,199 --> 00:42:49,079
Once again, it's decent working people
758
00:42:49,119 --> 00:42:52,519
being beaten down by
the powers of class and privilege.
759
00:42:52,559 --> 00:42:53,920
Well, perhaps, but...
760
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:59,119
And, Angela, in the nicest possible way,
761
00:42:59,159 --> 00:43:02,000
you and your father
have been a fat lot of good.
762
00:43:02,039 --> 00:43:03,639
It's a fair point.
763
00:43:03,679 --> 00:43:06,320
Look, it's not over yet, Ma.
764
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:08,679
But it is, isn't it?
765
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:13,719
We've been living on hope,
and it's run out.
766
00:43:15,079 --> 00:43:17,519
And it's me that's gotta go
and tell that to Pop tomorrow.
767
00:43:19,199 --> 00:43:20,760
That's if I haven't been round
768
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:23,199
to the Jerebohms and the Normans
tonight, shot 'em all
769
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:25,760
and got myself arrested.
770
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:27,599
KNOCK AT DOOR
771
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:36,320
Hello, Mrs Larkin.
772
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,639
What do you want?
773
00:43:38,679 --> 00:43:43,039
I've heard the latest about your husband
774
00:43:43,079 --> 00:43:46,239
and... I'm uncomfortable.
775
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:48,400
Uncomfortable?
776
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:52,079
Well, we are rather worse than that.
777
00:43:52,119 --> 00:43:54,960
Yes, yes, you must be.
778
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:58,599
So unless you have your husband's
sawn-off head in your bag
779
00:43:58,639 --> 00:44:03,000
to show me, or the solution
to our problems, I'd go home.
780
00:44:03,039 --> 00:44:04,760
I-I, well...
781
00:44:06,079 --> 00:44:08,440
..I do have some information.
782
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,840
Sorry, I had a sherry earlier,
and it's, er...
783
00:44:18,079 --> 00:44:20,000
..it's just catching up with me.
784
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:28,599
There are things going on
which you should know about.
785
00:45:00,679 --> 00:45:02,840
THEY LAUGH
786
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,119
THEY LAUGH
787
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:47,039
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