Original subtitles

I was just thinking...

You know there's nothing creepier than a pair of kangaroo eyes...

caught in the glare of your headlights.

Their eyes glow... demented like...

Just as you mow the dumb creature down.

Lying there dead in the bush looks like a giant rat.

Funny...

Haven't heard such thoughts since... I was a scrawny kid.

It was the good old U. S. Of A. I headed for.

And it's here... in this rich I planted my two feet.

And I've grown strong and sturdy...

Into the proud American that I am today.

Maybe I should quit school... No, it's important that you study!

- For what? - For the both of us ok?

Look, in our lives we have to be as one button...

That's how we work for each other.

Yea... sure.

All you have to do are pushups.

Gotta get those pecs hard and firm... so large you could strike a match on them.

Don't you knock pushups Bertin, they've gotten me where I am today.

In two years, two years, I will be head of the athletic.

Yea... yea you know I've gotta hand it to you,

you just twitch a little muscle...

and you've got all the faculty hanging by the hair in your armpits.

Yea... if I belted you you'd just pulverize into a powder.

But then you wouldn't have a genius brother to write all your papers,

to win your scholarships,

to be your John the Baptist spreading the word on...

Monty messiah,

king of jocks, future stud dean of the athletic department...

Which of course leads to the ultimate goal...

Head of the presidents commission of physical fitness.

Look I'll I'm saying is lay off the shrinks

and start doing some hard core exercises.

Limber and tone the body... It'll relax ya.

Yea.. You could do 'em during breaks from studying.

That's all you ever do is exercise,

here, at school and in the streets you never walk anywhere...

you're always running like you're in some Olympic event.

You're always going for the gold aren't you Monty?

Yea. I'm like a shark... Duh, dunh, dunh, dunh, dunh, dunh, dunh.

I'm wired for perpetual motion.

Great... a shark, you're always ready for the kill.

Especially with your students.

Now what they need is time in the military.

Or better yet on a chain gang... heh. That'd shake the little bastard up.

Yea... while you're at it why don't you throw them to the lions!

You know if I wanted to...

if I really wanted to I could have been a biology teacher! Yep...

You don't have to teach biology... You show it.

Yea...

You know a couple of the girls in calculus

were talking about how you wear your pants so tight...

they'd like to know if you spray them on.

So I stimulated a couple of virgins huh?

What are you bored?

Tired... I'm taking a nap.

If you'd workout like me you'd have a lot more energy to burn.

We've turned into a nation of wimps.

Those damn faggots and dyke feminists!

They're messing everything up.

Ooh... I'd fuck you if I could!

But since I can't...

Hi... I'm calling about the ad in the paper...

the one about a rare exotic animal you're giving away.

No.. I'm a biology major.

Well I could be interested if the animal is still available.

Tomorrow morning...

How about tomorrow evening? Sometime after 5...

Oh you deliver?

Cutesy thing...

That's a stupid name.

Till I think of a better one...

ah you just won't have a name.

Go ahead, play with yourself.

Quietly.

We can't let Monty know you're up here...

Ever.

The big bang! The sound of creation!

Ah... damn.

Monty... you know I've been reading about these pills you take when you're gassy...

You chew a couple of them up then you fart sweet smelling odors like roses.

That's unnatural I would never touch that junk.

Listen.

Nothing like a good healthy stink. It's the way nature intended it to be Bertin.

Monty...

I've always wondered about your biceps...

A tough mass of muscle tissue packs these babies.

Saw dust...

What?

Your biceps... probably stuffed with saw dust.

Go on make jokes,

but your puny body could sure use some hardcore exercises,

and not that sissy sissy Tai Chi crap that you do.

Oh... and your puny brain could use a few exercises,

like: zero... into... zero... equals one big fat zero.

I've seen your body...

looks more like the embalmed remains of an anorexic schoolgirl.

You've seen what?

You body... just... buhbuhbuh bones.

Oh yea right.

When?

On those nights you sleep in grannies room.

You have wet dreams don't you?

Wow, you really get hot...

Body all twitching and racked with pain?

Pleasurable pain aye, Bertin?

I've seen you wriggle out of your pajamas... and just lie on the sheets,

naked.

Don't spy on me... don't ever spy on me ever while I'm sleeping!

Ok, then lock the door!

Nah, no... I should be able to sleep wherever I like!

I'm entitled to some privacy!

- Privacy? - Yea!

Oh who are you kidding...

Yea you'd like me to believe that's all you want,

but you're afraid of something aren't you?

That's why you don't lock the door... maybe you have dreams, huh?

Bad dreams...

I don't have bad dreams.

Well that's not what he said. Who?

The psychologist.

Or is it the psychiatrist?

I do get them so confused.

Who told you!

The faculty, huh...

Like Nazis they are Gestapo, ears and eyes...

You know they had no right to tell you anything!

Which one?

The secretary, huh...

The one who works in the biology department,

the one who looks like a desiccated toad.

Yea...

She's always had the hots for you.

How'd you get it out of her?

- What did you let her pet your Rocky? - Huh?

Rocky!

Your big Rocky!

Isn't that what you call your favorite muscle?

The one between your legs!

No really Bertin, c'mon! What kind of dreams do you dream, huh?

Jesus Christ, you ever dream about girls?

None of your goddamn business.

Phallic symbols and narrow doors, what a lot of crap!

Listen, a word of advice...

When I lay a chick I don't think of narrow doors.

It's those damn shrinks... it's nothing but a faggot conspiracy!

You guys understood.

You knew the real power of ganja.

I'm pregnant with my mother again.

The mother I never knew.

She wants to be born this time.

Grannie should have never had mother aborted.

The fetus...

Did she flush it down the toilet?

Throw it in the garbage?

You'll never have a mother. All you need is Grannie!

And when Grannie's dead you'll have Monty! Only Monty.

Mother!

I've been waiting so long!

Now I know for certain...

No resurrection.

No second coming.

Monty...

While I was planting a cactus in the garden...

I cut my finger.

Huh?

A laceration?

My finger...

Blood brothers.

Yea... quite poetic.

Or is that... whatever you're trying to say, huh?

Huh? C'mon, what is it that you're trying to say?

Is it making an analogy... or a myth?

Neither of those.

I really cut my finger.

Thought I saw a penny heads up in the grass...

That means good luck.

Ah you intellectuals and your superstitions...

You guys never make any sense.

Well apparently my intellect is paying off for you.

I mean... for the both of us.

Ok... ok... but don't forget my body pal.

If it weren't for this body I wouldn't be the best damn

phys-ed teacher around today now would I?

And don't you forget, I also teach a class in hygiene.

Here we go again... a nothing two credit course.

Yea! Well I teach it like it were a four credit physiology course pal.

- Yea, yea, yea... - Yea!

My students are crammed with everything that has to do with the body.

Why I'm proud to say I'm the only teacher in that damn department

that goes to the trouble to illustrate bodily functions to my students.

I get physical with them... physical.

Yea... Monty... Monty, you're like a broken record.

Permanently stuck on the same groove.

You know I've been thinking... in a couple weeks I'll be 18.

I think it's about time I started fending entirely for myself.

Be independent.

Detached from all... this.

Oh don't be stupid! Detached from all this...

Hey! Bertin! Hey!

Look, what you're saying goes against everything

we've planned for our existence together...

You seem to forget that I gave up my independence to raise you.

Why I was barely out of adolescence myself when I committed my life to you.

I know.

I know.

But I never understood to my satisfaction

why Grannie never claimed me when our parents died.

I mean being raised in an orphanage till I was 5...

A catholic orphanage at that... afraid to sleep.

Did you know I was afraid to sleep?

The kids, the older kids they always frightened me saying

one night I'd be nailed to my bed by some crazy priest.

A priest suffering from Christ pangs in his head.

Well you're too hung up on all that voodoo hoodoo spiritual crap aren't you?

Bertin you're messing around with things that are

too out of touch with the way that we're supposed to live.

You should have cut down on those philosophy course pal.

An introduction to philosophy would have been quite enough.

Yea... shouldn't have messed around with that other stuff...

Christian mysticism.

Your head's full of junk, that's probably why you're constipated.

Your mind's tired and sluggish and it's having a terrible effect on your digestive tract.

Why do you always have to change the subject?

Huh?

I was talking about the orphanage,

not about constipation and Christian mysticism.

What is taking philosophy courses have to do with

a loony priest having Christ pangs in his head?

- Christ pangs? - Yea.

- Bullshit! - Bullshit?

You have them all the time! Don't you understand?

You have Christ pangs in your muscles.

Aren't you always saying you're sacrificing your biceps for our existence?

How your body always aches.

Yea, that's right.

But I don't mind Bertin!

I can stand the pain if I know it's been doing us both some good.

You know I can uh...

I can remember you always whining to granny about how you hurt all over.

Yea... but then she'd rub my body with all kinds of ointments.

To ease the pain.

Yea she had nice palms.

Granny...

The rest of her hands were rough...

But her palms were soft...

And shiny.

She loved giving you rubdowns.

It made her palms even shinier.

Yea she knew...

God she knew how to handle a muscle.

She'd say she could feel your pain shooting through her heart.

Yea she knew how to handle a muscle.

She was sweet.

Even though she stank of old age.

She'd say before she'd give you a rub down...

I'm delicious,

I'm old but I'm delicious.

Yea she was.

What?

Delicious.

Her lips were always sweet... tasted of saccharine.

She used that instead of sugar.

Her diabetes huh?

Yea.

Lost an eye because of it.

She said it was because of all the pain she absorbed from your body,

that's what blew out her eye. No, it was the diabetes.

I think granny always resented me.

She couldn't accept your supporting me while you attended night school.

We're beyond brotherly love.

The Bronte brothers.

Yea, skip it alright. Forget that crap about leaving and being independent.

Hello?

What? Wild stallion?

No wild stallion lives here. Call a stud farm!

I'll take it.

But it's a crazy call! I said I'll take it!

Hold on a second, ok?

Look, go fix me a drink! Go on and put an extra banana in it for me!

Heil mein Fuhrer!

Yea?

Yea I'm definitely into leather...

Of course I work out every day.

Great abs...

Yea and the firm bubble butt.

Yea the prize in the cracker jack box is...

Nine and a half inches.

Cut.

I gotta go visit a sick friend.

How sick is this friend?

Very, very sick.

Well, I hope it's nothing catching... like the bubonic plague.

Or leprosy.

I'll be back in a couple of hour, ok?

No.

Strong silent type.

I like that.

God...

I loved your ad.

Wild stallion!

I mean, what a great come on.

I don't usually do this, this hustler scene.

I don't have to.

And I'm still young, my body is still good.

You know so picking up dudes is no real hassle for me.

You know like bars are my home away from home.

It's just...

It's just your ad... really turned me on.

I mean, wild stallion!

Giddy up.

I mean my imagination just started working overtime!

I mean I had this crazy hot neon image just flickering away in my head!

I mean I saw this centaur, you know those creatures that are half man half horse

and carry a big big stick.

No baby I'm not talking about...

no night stick either, I'm talking about like a battering ram.

Do you know what I mean?

Have one...

Bless me.

How about some milk?

Milk?

What's so funny?

Well...

I was hoping... I mean I got two cases of beer.

I don't drink alcoholic beverages.

Beer gets your bladder all nice and swollen...

- So... - Well...

Sometimes...

When I'm really dry and thirsty.

I like a little...

Rain.

No.

I'm not into that stuff.

It's too unsanitary.

Oh well then you must be crazy about the immaculate conception.

The what?

The Virgin Mary?

She was conceived without original sin.

Nothing nasty about her.

Pure and clean from the get go.

But me...

I... Like... A little... Dirt.

Makes things a bit more...

Exciting.

So.

You're cut.

All nine and a half inches of you.

I like 'em cut.

I know...

Circumcision is unpopular now a days...

They say it kills sensitivity.

But... let me tell ya.

There's nothing hotter...

Than a cock that stands tall!

Erect...

And beautifully cut!

Kiss my boot.

Kiss it!

Kiss it!

Like you'd kiss a statue of the holy virgin.

Worship my boot you monkey fucker!

That's what you and your kind are, monkey fuckers!

Haven't you ever read the bible?

That passage about men screwing men!

Kiss my boot before I bash your fucking head in!

Yeah...

It's you monkey fucking faggots who started the plague!

- I don't know what you're talking about. - I'm talking about aids faggot!

That butt fucking, dick blowing, needle popping disease of the 20th century!

You're crazy!

Oh you think so? Oh...

Oh... I hear you faggots have progressed to pig fucking,

and some of you are even sticking gerbils up your asses.

What's next, huh? What's next?

Sucking off aborted fetuses!

It's your own unclean fucking that's bringing down our civilization.

Is perverting the once pure masculine nature of the greatest power in the world!

The United... States of America!

I bet you even indulge in the food of sodomites...

Stewed monkey nuts!

And fried rat cunt.

Isn't that what you eat after a long long night of perversions!

No!

Isn't that the food of sodomites!

Oh God help.

Don't you bother praying!

Nobody's listening.

No... he;s not listening.

But you listen.

And you listen good.

In the beginning...

God hurried to create a world in 6 days.

On the seventh day... God was arrested.

No, God!

- Understand? God was in jail... - No!

For millions of millions of years we've been unwatched.

Nobody's prayers heard.

But now eyes are out there.

Yea...

They study us...

Somebody else sneaked in and took over.

Somebody else is at the helm.

And I'm certain he's not interested in the natural order of things.

It's rain you want, huh?

I'll give you a fucking downpour!

I carry this scarf close to my body.

Sometimes...

When I'm really horny...

I'll stuff it in my underwear.

Between my legs.

So I can feel it rubbing against me.

When I'm walking...

Some nights when I'm alone...

I can't sleep cause I'm too nervous,

and the dark's really freaking me.

I'll light a candle.

While I sit there staring at it's flame then it happens.

The scarf becomes flesh.

Her flesh.

A warm...

Soft...

Alive...

You see it belongs to her...

This scarf.

Still has her smell.

That sweet smell of sweat and perfume.

She was naked...

except she had this scarf...

draped over her breasts.

Her nipples were real hard against it.

Right then and there...

I wanted to touch her.

I wanted to bury my face in her flesh.

But for some reason I couldn't.

I just sat there...

stared at her...

It wasn't that she was beautiful...

just...

She had this way about her.

It made her seem special.

Like no other woman.

He's back.

Monty.

Monty!

Monty!

I have to have a couple snapshots.

What?

I have to have a couple snapshots of our parents.

I need them for my application to graduate school.

Since when? Since when do they ask for snapshots of your parents?

Since now.

- Something new. - Why?

For a phrenological study.

Huh?

A phren... no... la... gi... cal study.

It has to do with measuring a person's mental powers by the shape of their skull.

And what the hell does that have to do with you getting into graduate school?

Maybe...

to prevent human mutation from contaminating the halls of the university,

upsetting the gene pool and killing off the higher form of the species.

But you're IQ is so high...

Look all I know is that they match your skull,

with the skulls of your parents. And then what?

Could be they compare all of our skulls,

with the skulls of your typical family of baboons!

Funny! Real funny!

Get off of me!

You know...

I've never seen any pictures of our parents.

Didn't you keep any after?

Well... time for some dips ain't it?

You got your grad school tests in a couple of days, you go study.

You don't study for those.

For what don't you study?

For the grad school tests you don't study.

- Are they tests? - Yea.

Right! Then there are books to study from for those tests!

That's how I see it anyway.

I had a dream the other night.

In my dream she looked like the girl who came to see me at the orphanage once.

It's getting late buddy, you should be studying.

I saw her again at the playground.

She wanted... She wanted to touch me.

I said it's getting late!

You go study!

I'll get it.

I've been waiting for you.

For luck.

Your father?

No... my brother.

Don't mind me.

Yea don't mind him.

A specimen.

Him?

You sir would make a perfect specimen for our cause.

Selling... yep.

She's selling.

That word, for our cause.

Means she's pushing something.

Not pushing, not selling, advising...

indeed imploring,

for the restoration of our skulls and ultimately our brains.

Restoration back to their earliest function in evolution,

you see sir, our cerebral hemispheres once dedicated primarily to the sense of smell,

are in danger of becoming extinct.

Oh! Extinct...

Nah. Nothing becomes extinct not if you strengthen it...

nourish it from the beginning of its...

its...

Birth.

Beginning is from birth.

Yea, birth.

Anything alive gives birth...

a vein, an artery... ooh.

Look... at... this.

This bicep is pregnant with power. Oooh... and it has a soul...

a fleshy soul that you can squeeze.

Would you like to squeeze my fleshy soul?

I'm afraid to my hands are so cold, they're very cold,

they're getting even colder from the metal can.

Yea, well then don't mind me.

Money, do you want money?

Yes.

A contribution.

For what...

As I said earlier sir, for the restoration of our skulls,

and ultimately for the preservation of our brains.

Well, our brains are in perfect condition, aye Bertin?

If you're active milady your brain will remain...

will remain...

Supple.

- It's a good word. - Yea, supple.

You'll thrive.

But there are other forces at work!

Oh please lady not spiritual!

Don't do the Jehovah witness number on me, please.

You look familiar.

Have we uh...

Man, Monty... give her a chance huh.

Ok, shoot.

Please hear me out.

Ok, shoot.

Our spines, sir, are crumbling, deteriorating from an invasion...

- Of what? - A virus.

Yea, well I had my vaccinations just two weeks ago.

I'm always prepared.

But sir...

This virus is caused by things that explode.

Oh! You mean fireworks?

No, no, I mean nuclear power plants!

Those kind that sneeze radioactive dust.

Dust that's carried on notice like warm breath to all parts our body.

Monty, do you know what that means?

In time, after the great nuclear meltdown...

We will revert to the slime...

of our earliest ancestors.

But what is most frightening...

is that we...

the women of the world...

will have to lay eggs in a marsh!

Sir, do you know what it's like to lay an egg in marsh?

No!

I never really gave it much thought.

Never gave it a thought...

Caw... Monty sucks, Monty sucks.

Shut up...

I know I taught you those words...

Monty hears you...

you'll end up in that pie.

Foul...

most foul.

Bertin, get the door!

Bertin, get the door!

Happy birthday.

Who the hell are you?

Your treat for the day.

The object of your desires.

Of your fantasies.

I'm...

Prime cut.

I see you have your own little playground here.

I bet this gem is the heart of your existence.

Yea.

I spend most of my time here. Yea.

May I have some wine?

I don't keep alcoholic beverages in this house.

That's ok.

I always bring my own bottle with me.

Like a snort?

I don't do drugs, lady.

But please don't let me stop you.

You know I've been reading this fantastic book...

It's all about Christian martyrs.

Those who suffered for their spiritual enlightenment.

Oh but that was fine.

Sometimes I just cry... when I think of those... brave... saints...

suffering... all that... pain.

Without benefit of this high quality star dust.

No buzz...

No rush...

Just pain...

Pain...

Pain...

Whips...

Thorns...

Crosses!

Oh Lordy, what a time that was!

An endless flow of... heat and... sand... and blood.

Just thinking about it makes my mouth go dry.

This one passage from the book did a real number on my head...

So I memorized it.

The heathens tore skimpy togas to shreds from the beautiful,

bruised, starved bodies of the martyrs...

and they were left... naked in the blood soaked dirt of the arena...

to the heathens the martyrs were delectable morsels...

gleaming naked in their sweat...

so the heathens proceeded to tear the martyrs flesh from their rickety bones.

With whips of thorns and stones as sharp as broken glass...

and honey it didn't stop there!

The heathens were on a roll,

a mad brain sizzling roll!

In a frenzy they yanked out the teeth of the martyrs,

cut their tongues out,

and exposed their battered bleeding flesh to the bites of wild beasts!

Quick let me see what's under that robe!

Do you like bowling?

Huh?

No!

Oh but I was a whiz at ping pong.

But they use bigger balls in bowling.

What was your name again?

Monty!

Right! Monty!

Monty, you have... beautiful... arms!

Can I feel one of your biceps?

My goodness!

It's as if your biceps are filled with helium!

Let me squeeze one! Oh maybe I shouldn't...

You might foosh away like a deflated party balloon!

Oh no, my muscle's packed with hard flesh...

My whole body, in its own way is just awesome!

Like Mount Everest!

And even though my flesh is hard and firm it stretches like a steel watchband!

You should call yourself... Monty Everest.

You'd be a living testament to tensile strength!

Might even get your own TV show!

Monty and the cellulites!

Or better yet, flexing with Monty!

Come here!

Come here!

Dad was a cowboy!

Yea!

And like all good cowboys next to God and country,

daddy loved... horses...

but one day daddy rode deep into the woods...

and he saw... a bear!

A big, beautiful, hunk of female bear...

and that mean old bear all 600 pounds of her smelled danger...

hot, sweet and nasty.

And it didn't take long for daddy to tear off his clothes...

except for his holster... his spurs... and his shiny snakeskin boots.

Ooh! Now daddy was big and tall,

real big,

broad shoulders...

narrow waist,

big muscled thighs...

and a hard as rock ass!

And honey, when daddy jumped on that she-bear,

burying his face in her fur he whipped out his pistol fast.

And at that moment thunder shook the forest!

A comet flew overhead and lightning shot from daddy's gun!

And everything connected cosmically!

The unnatural became natural,

and Monty Everest was conceived in the womb of a giant she-bear,

he was born part animal, part man...

a legend, a new hero for the nuclear age!

So, maybe we can see each other sometime, huh.

Why not.

During the next full moon.

No wait!

You never told me your name.

Oh yea...

Today I'm going by the name of Lillith.

That's a strange name.

Well legend has it that Lillith was Adam's first wife.

As you know from the bible...

Adam's second wife Eve was created from Adam's rib,

but Lillith was the product of Adam's masturbation...

his sperm mixed with the mud of the earth...

and gave rise to Lillith.

But Lillith was an independent lady...

and she resented being fucked by Adam any time he demanded it of her.

So she left him because she saw herself as his equal.

Oh no...

You're one of those feminists aren't you!

Like I said, call me sometime...

during the next full moon.

Most feminists are nothing but dykes and whores!

Well...

You're off your monkey bars.

You're reading a book?

Well wonders never cease.

I am doing research.

On what? The rape of the Sabine women?

No smart ass on a mythological character.

Who?

Jesus, somebody called Lillith, ok?

Oh right, she was the one created out of mud and sperm.

Yea!

Adam's sperm, the father of us all.

Look, it seems Adam carried a big boner for Lillith,

even after Eve came into his life.

Look... says here...

Look... after Eve gave birth to their two sons Cain and Abel...

Adam didn't screw Eve for a 130 years?

And that during this time he lusted after the evil Lillith,

conquered her and fathered thousands of demons with her.

Isn't that funny...

Even in the bible they often portray women as the source of evil.

It's Eve who was responsible for Adam's downfall,

and Delilah who destroyed Samson.

Hey, even in the Wizard of Oz the wicked witch is a woman.

An ugly old woman.

Yea.

And don't forget Pandora's box...

I never could figure out if they were talking about a music box or a pussy.

All I know is women need to be controlled!

They're always on the verge of hysteria. Always messing things up.

Here...

Eat this.

What is it?

It's a birthday cake.

Rather, a birthday pie.

It's chicken pot pie.

I baked it yesterday but I couldn't find any candles.

Ah, it's a strange pie to celebrate a birthday with Bertin.

I don't think so...

I think it really suits you.

I mean a pie made out of meat...

juicy succulent meat.

I even threw in the gizzards, you know the heart, kidney, the liver.

Ah, then it's nutritious! Good for the skin tone.

I wonder how they killed the chicken...

whether they twirled its head till it snapped...

or chopped its head off.

I'll get it...

It's the lady who was here yesterday.

Didn't we already make a donation?

Yea, I bought her flour... I used it to bake your pie.

I'm not here to ask for money,

I was just in the neighborhood when it started to rain,

- and I thought that I should... - She wants to wait here until it stops.

It seems like light rain, it'll stop soon.

Did you know she works on a farm?

What, around here?

Not too far from here.

Yea, there's something about you...

I don't know what but you're face stands out from long ago.

Long ago?

You've eaten most of your pie...

Don't you know it's bad luck not to have

others taste a piece of your birthday pie?

Shut up.

So... were you raised on a farm?

Many farms, like a barn yard animal.

- It's Monty's birthday today, he's 35. - Twenty-nine.

Every year he gets younger by six.

Happy birthday.

I knew a boy once...

He was very athletic looking like you.

His body throbbed with the power of a stallion.

He'd gallop naked on his horse...

beneath darkened farm windows,

enticing young girls to ride with him.

She's a poet you know...

Yea, she sounds like one.

- The way she talks is all... - Florid!

Yea, fancy.

- All of her poetry has been published. - Ooh... under what name?

Anonymous.

Look, why don't you go study.

It's getting late.

Smart boy isn't he.

Yea...

I expect great things of him.

We're a team you know...

Hey my arm!

What's the matter?

I don't know, a sharp pain just cut through my arm.

Nothing, it's gone away now.

It's a shame he's been deprived of a mother.

Yea, well I've made up for that.

Yea, in many ways he's like a father...

Yes.

Yea, you do look familiar.

I knew a girl once worked, lived on a farm.

God, my back!

I'm getting shooting pains in my arms, my legs, I'm getting shooting pain!

Was the remembrance of her that painful?

No.

The pie.

What!

The pie...

The pie is what's giving you all the pain.

Bertin, Bertin, I can't move my arms!

Vanilla extract...

first two drops, then the whole bottle.

The whole bottle? You gave him the whole bottle!

Oh God my toes feel like they're gonna fall off!

Ah, a snap! I feel something snapping, snapping in the back of my head!

Your occipital condyles are deteriorating!

I put something in your pie!

But Bertin! I can't move at all!

Toxic... vanilla... extract.

In your chicken pot pie.

In your birthday pie.

He's sweating, a lot.

My veins, arteries feel like rubber bands twisting around! Ah!

Yea... it clogs your pores!

And eventually causes suffocation.

Remember this Monty?

Daddy was a cowboy.

That hooker was my birthday gift to you.

On your very special day.

I lent her my name.

Lillith.

Why!

God, why!

Your body when you were young, only a boy.

I'd never seen such a body.

It was bursting with all kinds of life and I wanted you!

It's your face from long ago.

Such a complicated jigsaw puzzle isn't it Monty?

And my face is the final piece of the puzzle,

that will complete the design of your...

of our...

lives.

It is you isn't it!

But I thought...

You thought what Monty?

- Dead. - That I was dead!

No just hidden away like some insect under a rock!

Monty...

I know everything now. The revelation was part of the recipe.

It was hidden in the list of ingredients that went into your chicken pot pie.

It was the only way I could let you know about... him and me.

It was like trying to decipher the dead sea scrolls...

I got it.

I finally got it.

It was at the part where I mixed the... three eggs into the flour.

At first I thought I was reading the name of some exotic herbs,

but then the words rearranged themselves,

as they revealed to me who my parents really are.

Lillith... my mother?

Monty my father?

That's when I poured the whole bottle of vanilla extract into the flour.

It was the only way I could let you know about him and me.

It's ok.

I wasn't shocked to learn the truth.

I think in my dreams I always knew you weren't really my brother.

I may...

Your scarf.

Whenever I hold it close to me it makes me feel safe.

Now I know why.

You're my mother.

No, no, no! You can't die now.

I need some snapshots of parents, three skulls must be matched.

Bertin, Bertin! Our plan, our existence together...

What about graduate school!

You gave me up at birth!

I claimed you later!

Yea, after you found out I had a genius IQ!

That's why you took me out of the orphanage!

Dada, googoo, gaga...

Papa... Father!

Bertin, Bertin!

I gave you up at first because...

I was too young to be your father!

I was just a kid.

You were conceived on the haunches of a cow.

He took and felt my body on the haunches of a cow!

Jesus Christ!

The pain!

Not like the pain stabbing at my breasts,

they were swollen with so much milk and there was no infant to feed on them!

At birth you were taken away from me, I was older than Monty...

so your granny said it was all my fault,

that I was the rapist...

I was the witch...

I was the seductress, the siren that lured her son to his doom!

And so,

to protect her Monty,

she committed you,

the product of our union...

to an orphanage.

And me...

to that farm.

To feel,

the slime,

and the moist heat of cows.

Monty's trying to speak but his jaw's locking.

His muscles are sagging,

they're all deflated...

they're turning pulpy.

His tongue is wagging.

What is it father?

Our existence together...

My degrees?

Your future position...

as dean of the athletic department?

What, what? Speak!

Speak!

Are my muscles really sagging?

Yes.

Nothing but mush.

He's dead.

Monty's dead! Monty's dead! Monty's dead!

I think I'll have my diploma laminated...

and use it for the tombstone on his grave.

But we're young, both of us.

I have a mother now.

Yes.

And I'm still young...

Maybe I could call you sis.

Look at Monty.

Oh my God.

Look.

His cock is springing to life.

Damn.

Caw! Monty has a boner! Monty has a boner! Caw!

Is it possible rigor mortis has set in so soon?

Yes, of course! It's Monty's spirit!

It refuses to leave this plain of existence!

It's taken possession of his cock! We must hold a seance,

and try and communicate with the spirit of Monty's cock!

His death mask is finished.

Wow.

It looks cruel and monstrous.

It's a mirror of his soul.

- You understand the purpose of the seance? - I think so.

We must release Monty's spirit from this flesh,

and send it to the astral plain.

The astral plain though not visible to the eye is part of our physical world,

and extends beyond it.

Are you serious?

Knowing Monty, there's no way that you could get his soul to vacation in the astral plain.

Let alone take up residence there.

I mean...

Check out where the stud king has decided holiday.

Ok.

Let's get started.

In the name...

of the universal forces...

I command...

the spirit of Monty,

to liberate itself from its fleshy prison,

namely Monty's cock.

I command you to leave the source of your earthly desires!

The son of a bitch won't leave.

Monty's spirit is earthbound.

More like dick bound.

The pleasures of the flesh are too overwhelming for him to give up.

No. I've had it with Monty!

He's got to get out of our lives, the son of a bitch has gotta be dead and stay dead!

Stop!

Stop, stop, stop, stop!

Bullets can't kill it, it's Monty's spirit!

A spirit trapped in flesh.

Ok...

Look.

Monty...

You dumb motherfucker, get the fuck out of your dead dick, now!

Yea!

Or I will condemn you...

to the outer regions of hell...

and damn you to reincarnate into the loneliest biological form.

Get out you asshole!

It worked.

Monty's soul's finally gone!

You did it.

Bye dad.

I crave fires,

I light them whenever I can...

huge devouring flames.

Their white heat caressing my flesh.

It's more exciting than being touched by hands.

Bertin, I have something to show you.

What?

A surprise.

When?

Come to me.

Take the veils off my head.

Huh?

The veils... take them off.

What do you see?

Woah.

Study me Bertin...

I am a dancing...

Look at my breasts.

They bob like a pair of frightened bloodshot eyes.

Her arms have become hissing serpents.

Watch my hands open.

See the snakes mouths vomiting eggs.

And from out of these cracked shells terrified faces peak out.

Your navel...

your navel twitches like the dead white eye of a blind baker.

And my vulva sweaty pie...

curls like lips kissing the slaughtered remains of demon lovers!

Your long legs jerk like the bloody stumps on a butchered body.

Ooh baby love...

my jelly smooth buttocks shaped like the cheeks of Satan's laughing face.

Ooh... suga!

I am a regular night, on bald mountain!

Why shouldn't... you're a regular night on bald mountain.

Bertin.

My body will soon be washed clean of those divine illustrations.

Chronus was one of the gods of Greek mythology,

and he castrated his father,

by holding his genitals in his left hand.

And from then on the left hand... has become known...

as the hand of ill omen.

Oh look, it invokes a terror that makes body and soul tremble.

And in her fist... she clutches a sword...

dripping bitter drops of blood...

Lillith.

My mother.

Lillith.

The avenging angel.

And easy lies the head who wears the crown.

We'll dispose of Monty's body...

at the farmer's cooperative I work for.

We'll bury his arms and his legs in the garden where we grow organic melons...

and his head...

We'll plant Monty's head in the cabbage patch...

I always had a yearn for stuffed cabbage if it's done right.

It's all in the seasoning...

and the way that the meat is chopped.