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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:03,841 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 2 00:00:03,908 --> 00:00:06,346 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 3 00:00:06,412 --> 00:00:10,822 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Max ♪ 4 00:00:10,889 --> 00:00:15,865 ♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪ 5 00:00:15,965 --> 00:00:17,434 CARTER: Yeah! 6 00:00:17,536 --> 00:00:19,338 Wait, wait! Remix! ♪ Birthday ♪ 7 00:00:19,405 --> 00:00:21,109 -♪ What? ♪ -♪ Birthday ♪ 8 00:00:21,175 --> 00:00:22,344 -♪ What? ♪ -♪ Time to get spanked ♪ 9 00:00:22,411 --> 00:00:23,648 ♪ On your birthday butt ♪ 10 00:00:23,781 --> 00:00:25,083 ♪ Wicka-wicka-wicka ♪ 11 00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:26,620 -♪ What? ♪ -♪ What? ♪ 12 00:00:27,421 --> 00:00:28,858 Just be grateful they decided not to twerk. 13 00:00:28,925 --> 00:00:31,697 Three hours of rehearsal, down the drain. 14 00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,137 I just really want to thank you guys. 15 00:00:35,237 --> 00:00:36,674 You know, it's... 16 00:00:36,774 --> 00:00:38,276 it's times like this that you realize what really matters is-- 17 00:00:38,343 --> 00:00:39,546 CARTER: Come on, man. 18 00:00:39,646 --> 00:00:40,682 It's ice-cream cake. 19 00:00:40,782 --> 00:00:42,686 Just blow out the damn candles. 20 00:00:43,521 --> 00:00:44,422 Yay! 21 00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:45,792 (cheering) 22 00:00:45,892 --> 00:00:49,165 All right, let the spanking begin. 23 00:00:49,232 --> 00:00:51,469 Wait, wait, wait. Not so fast. 24 00:00:52,672 --> 00:00:54,543 -Ooh! -(screaming) 25 00:00:54,610 --> 00:00:56,547 Demon cake! 26 00:00:57,649 --> 00:01:00,888 Yeah. Probably should've seen that coming. 27 00:01:00,955 --> 00:01:02,157 What are you doing? 28 00:01:02,224 --> 00:01:04,563 Uh, tying my shoe. 29 00:01:05,330 --> 00:01:07,334 Max, I'm really sorry. 30 00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:09,305 Ah, it's all right, I don't need any cake 31 00:01:09,405 --> 00:01:12,011 as long as I've got good friends, my health, 32 00:01:12,044 --> 00:01:13,113 and presents. 33 00:01:13,179 --> 00:01:14,315 Presents, presents, presents! 34 00:01:14,415 --> 00:01:16,921 Uh, well, this year I had 35 00:01:16,954 --> 00:01:18,189 everyone chip in-- 36 00:01:18,323 --> 00:01:19,793 So I'm only getting one present? 37 00:01:19,860 --> 00:01:22,298 Yeah, but you're getting one really awesome present, 38 00:01:22,364 --> 00:01:24,302 one that you'll never forget. 39 00:01:24,435 --> 00:01:25,571 Oh, great, 40 00:01:25,638 --> 00:01:27,509 like the time you took me on a "behind-the-scenes tour" 41 00:01:27,575 --> 00:01:30,147 of the aquarium and gave me a quiz afterward? 42 00:01:30,247 --> 00:01:31,817 (car horn honks outside) 43 00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:32,752 What's that? 44 00:01:32,819 --> 00:01:33,988 -What? -Did somebody's 45 00:01:34,121 --> 00:01:35,424 birthday gift arrive? 46 00:01:35,490 --> 00:01:36,660 Oh, my God. 47 00:01:36,727 --> 00:01:38,564 You guys bought me a car? 48 00:01:38,631 --> 00:01:39,800 You're the best! 49 00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:42,438 Oh, uh, we didn't get you a car, we rented you an RV 50 00:01:42,505 --> 00:01:44,308 so we can take a tour of the Smoky Mountains 51 00:01:44,375 --> 00:01:46,346 like you always wanted to! 52 00:01:47,114 --> 00:01:49,418 I think he's still really gonna like it. 53 00:01:50,087 --> 00:01:51,790 ♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪ 54 00:01:51,857 --> 00:01:54,563 ♪ Nothin' wrong with you but I'd rather be me. ♪ 55 00:01:54,663 --> 00:01:55,999 CARTER: Hey, babe, what do you think I should pack? 56 00:01:56,065 --> 00:01:58,436 Katana blade or nunchucks? 57 00:01:58,504 --> 00:02:00,173 (clattering) 58 00:02:02,979 --> 00:02:05,183 Uh, we're going camping in an RV. 59 00:02:05,283 --> 00:02:07,087 Yeah, I'm being silly. 60 00:02:07,154 --> 00:02:08,958 I'll leave Wesley Slice at home. 61 00:02:09,025 --> 00:02:11,964 But I'm definitely taking Nunchuck Norris. 62 00:02:12,064 --> 00:02:15,972 Hey, um, I know we haven't set a date for the wedding yet, 63 00:02:16,072 --> 00:02:20,147 but my lease is up and I wasn't sure if I should renew, or... 64 00:02:20,247 --> 00:02:22,384 Well, why would you renew? We getting married. 65 00:02:22,451 --> 00:02:24,355 Oh, I was hoping you'd say that. 66 00:02:24,422 --> 00:02:26,159 Yeah, I can't wait to live with you. 67 00:02:26,225 --> 00:02:28,196 And all your candles and tiny little soaps 68 00:02:28,263 --> 00:02:29,633 that I'm not allowed to touch. 69 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,235 Mm. Okay, great. 70 00:02:31,302 --> 00:02:32,539 Well, I'll just tell Max, 71 00:02:32,605 --> 00:02:34,275 and then we can go look for our place. 72 00:02:34,342 --> 00:02:37,081 Oh, good news. Found it. 73 00:02:37,147 --> 00:02:39,820 Wait, what? Your place? 74 00:02:39,886 --> 00:02:43,059 The one with the basketball hoop and the Star Wars poster? 75 00:02:43,159 --> 00:02:44,696 No, our place. 76 00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:46,567 And that's a limited edition print 77 00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:48,403 signed by the little guy inside the robot. 78 00:02:48,470 --> 00:02:52,177 So, that's basically an R2-D2 401K. 79 00:02:52,277 --> 00:02:54,015 Yeah, I want to live somewhere 80 00:02:54,148 --> 00:02:55,752 that's a little more us 81 00:02:55,818 --> 00:02:57,622 and a lot less... you. 82 00:02:57,689 --> 00:02:59,492 Yeah, but this is a great neighborhood, 83 00:02:59,559 --> 00:03:00,862 and it's right near my son's school. 84 00:03:00,928 --> 00:03:03,133 Well, we can find another place in this area. 85 00:03:03,199 --> 00:03:04,468 I like this place. 86 00:03:04,569 --> 00:03:06,272 I spilled syrup down the floor vent 87 00:03:06,305 --> 00:03:09,345 so when the heat comes on, it smells delicious. 88 00:03:09,445 --> 00:03:12,317 Come on, we're supposed to be starting our lives together. 89 00:03:12,418 --> 00:03:14,422 Look at that little bitty kitchen. 90 00:03:14,488 --> 00:03:15,457 We need a kitchen big enough 91 00:03:15,591 --> 00:03:17,127 for someone who has an ass. 92 00:03:17,194 --> 00:03:18,531 Do not insult my ass. 93 00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:20,735 You can bounce a damn quarter off this thing. 94 00:03:20,835 --> 00:03:22,706 It's thicker than a Snicker. 95 00:03:22,806 --> 00:03:24,108 No, we can't, 96 00:03:24,175 --> 00:03:25,611 because we have to save our quarters 97 00:03:25,678 --> 00:03:27,281 for the Laundromat because this stupid place 98 00:03:27,347 --> 00:03:28,684 doesn't have a washing machine. 99 00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:30,420 Oh, if you calling this condo stupid, 100 00:03:30,487 --> 00:03:31,824 you calling me stupid. 101 00:03:31,924 --> 00:03:33,694 Well, if the katana fits! 102 00:03:33,761 --> 00:03:35,598 ♪ ♪ 103 00:03:35,665 --> 00:03:37,367 Thank you so much for watching the cats. 104 00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:40,140 I've been criticizing their life choices the past few days 105 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,912 to get them used to your type of affection. 106 00:03:43,012 --> 00:03:44,248 -You're welcome. -(Kat laughs) 107 00:03:44,315 --> 00:03:45,952 Though when you said "take care of the cats," 108 00:03:46,052 --> 00:03:48,691 I thought you meant something far more permanent. 109 00:03:48,758 --> 00:03:50,995 Well, it'll be a breeze. 110 00:03:51,062 --> 00:03:52,866 And I jotted down a few helpful hints 111 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,337 in case anything comes up. 112 00:03:56,205 --> 00:03:58,143 This is the binder for Cat-am Sandler. 113 00:03:58,209 --> 00:04:00,515 You'll find the other 14 in the storage room, 114 00:04:00,581 --> 00:04:02,351 right next to Mr. Mittens' diapers 115 00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:03,788 and depression medication. 116 00:04:03,888 --> 00:04:07,796 I have to think the hospital gave me the wrong baby. 117 00:04:08,564 --> 00:04:10,635 Okay, who's ready to go rough it 118 00:04:10,701 --> 00:04:12,605 in a 400-square-foot rolling apartment 119 00:04:12,672 --> 00:04:15,611 with a microwave, a shower, and an Xbox? 120 00:04:15,678 --> 00:04:16,547 This guy. 121 00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:17,949 (laughs) Well, I'm ready. 122 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,721 I was up all night making homemade mosquito repellant. 123 00:04:20,822 --> 00:04:21,690 Really? That's a thing? 124 00:04:21,790 --> 00:04:23,894 Oh, yeah. Lemongrass, citronella, 125 00:04:24,028 --> 00:04:26,098 and just a kiss of urine. 126 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:29,171 There was a cute little red-headed baby there 127 00:04:29,271 --> 00:04:31,008 that I quite liked. 128 00:04:33,113 --> 00:04:33,981 Uh, Gideon? 129 00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:37,387 I can't believe I'm going on my first road trip. 130 00:04:37,454 --> 00:04:39,759 Good news, I found my harmonica. 131 00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:42,331 (playing melody) 132 00:04:43,099 --> 00:04:43,868 That's great. 133 00:04:44,001 --> 00:04:45,805 Yeah, we didn't know you wanted to come... 134 00:04:45,905 --> 00:04:47,775 on a couples' trip... 135 00:04:48,511 --> 00:04:50,781 in an RV that only has two beds. 136 00:04:51,650 --> 00:04:53,921 They don't want you to go, kid. 137 00:04:55,290 --> 00:04:56,860 I see. 138 00:04:57,729 --> 00:04:59,398 (plays sad note) 139 00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:01,469 You-you know what? 140 00:05:01,503 --> 00:05:02,839 The more the merrier. 141 00:05:02,906 --> 00:05:04,275 Yeah, sure, why not? 142 00:05:04,341 --> 00:05:06,880 But you owe me a present. No donation in my name, 143 00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:10,420 no star named after me, no tree planted in my honor. 144 00:05:10,521 --> 00:05:12,926 I want a cool toy that I can play with. 145 00:05:12,992 --> 00:05:14,195 You know what, Gideon? 146 00:05:14,228 --> 00:05:15,497 Since you're bringing your harmonica, 147 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,967 I'm gonna bring my castanets. 148 00:05:17,034 --> 00:05:19,973 I mean, I don't want to oversell it, but check this out. 149 00:05:24,415 --> 00:05:27,789 It sounds a lot better with the actual castanets. 150 00:05:29,291 --> 00:05:32,565 She knows she smells like pee, right? 151 00:05:34,235 --> 00:05:36,472 (playing sad melody) 152 00:05:44,488 --> 00:05:48,797 All right, that was "From Depths of Woe I Cry to Thee." 153 00:05:48,898 --> 00:05:51,068 Anybody else have a favorite hymn they'd like to hear? 154 00:05:51,135 --> 00:05:52,839 How about "On the Road Again"? 155 00:05:52,906 --> 00:05:55,912 Don't know that one, but here's a little ditty called 156 00:05:55,978 --> 00:05:58,617 "There Is a Fountain Filled With Blood." 157 00:05:58,684 --> 00:06:00,588 Carter, if you ever want to see me naked again, 158 00:06:00,655 --> 00:06:02,224 you better take that harmonica from him. 159 00:06:02,324 --> 00:06:05,163 Sorry, man. I'm not anti-harmonica, 160 00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:07,267 but I am pro-nudity. 161 00:06:08,002 --> 00:06:10,675 I just flossed my teeth at 70 miles per hour, 162 00:06:10,741 --> 00:06:13,279 so I'm basically an astronaut. (laughs) 163 00:06:13,379 --> 00:06:14,516 Oh, Gideon, no more harmonica? 164 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:17,287 Guess I'll have to do a solo jam. 165 00:06:17,387 --> 00:06:19,325 (castanets clacking) 166 00:06:19,391 --> 00:06:20,327 Carter! 167 00:06:20,393 --> 00:06:21,329 Yeah, I'm on it. 168 00:06:21,395 --> 00:06:22,832 Give me these. 169 00:06:23,499 --> 00:06:25,771 Uh, Kat, about this binder you made for the trip? 170 00:06:25,905 --> 00:06:28,777 Oh, you mean "Max's Smokin' Birthday Weekend 171 00:06:28,877 --> 00:06:32,317 in the Smoky Mountains, asterisk: A Smoke-Free Weekend"? 172 00:06:32,384 --> 00:06:33,486 Yeah. 173 00:06:33,554 --> 00:06:34,990 There's a lot of stuff in here 174 00:06:35,056 --> 00:06:36,392 about things that will kill us: 175 00:06:36,459 --> 00:06:38,162 like bears, killer bees, 176 00:06:38,263 --> 00:06:39,966 and-and eventually climate change? 177 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,435 Well, our greatest weapon is education. 178 00:06:41,536 --> 00:06:43,439 Except against killer bees. 179 00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:45,945 Because, ironically, that one's climate change. 180 00:06:46,045 --> 00:06:50,220 Okay, "Step one, identify if a bear is a black bear 181 00:06:50,287 --> 00:06:51,422 "or a brown bear. 182 00:06:51,523 --> 00:06:54,428 Step one-A, black bears can also be brown." 183 00:06:54,529 --> 00:06:57,100 Why does everything got to be about color? 184 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,204 Here's the thing. If you're attacked by a brown bear, 185 00:06:59,305 --> 00:07:00,307 play dead. 186 00:07:00,373 --> 00:07:01,877 If you're attacked by a black bear, 187 00:07:01,944 --> 00:07:03,246 don't play dead. 188 00:07:03,313 --> 00:07:06,152 But black bears can be brown, brown bears cannot be black, 189 00:07:06,252 --> 00:07:08,757 and if we see a polar bear, we're on a magical island 190 00:07:08,824 --> 00:07:11,062 where nothing will ever make sense. 191 00:07:11,128 --> 00:07:14,836 We can also fight back with the most powerful weapon of all. 192 00:07:14,903 --> 00:07:15,972 Prayer. 193 00:07:16,038 --> 00:07:17,842 Or a razor-sharp katana. 194 00:07:17,942 --> 00:07:20,514 Oh, wait. Someone told me not to bring that. 195 00:07:20,615 --> 00:07:22,885 You know what someone should've told you not to bring? 196 00:07:22,986 --> 00:07:24,856 Your dumb ass. 197 00:07:24,923 --> 00:07:26,526 -Oh. Here. -Oh. 198 00:07:26,593 --> 00:07:27,829 Oh, you're gonna regret that. 199 00:07:27,862 --> 00:07:29,933 Uh, is everything okay between you two? 200 00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:32,437 Well, I haven't had a chance to talk to Max about this yet, 201 00:07:32,505 --> 00:07:34,108 but since our lease is up, 202 00:07:34,241 --> 00:07:37,047 -me and this cinderblock-head decided to move in together. -What? 203 00:07:37,147 --> 00:07:40,153 Assuming we can agree on where, or anything. 204 00:07:40,286 --> 00:07:42,090 Oh, I can't wait. 205 00:07:42,157 --> 00:07:44,596 Wait, this fight isn't gonna break you up, right? 206 00:07:44,696 --> 00:07:45,731 'Cause I already started 207 00:07:45,831 --> 00:07:47,200 a Pinterest board for your wedding. 208 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,238 Your colors are green and mustard. 209 00:07:49,305 --> 00:07:50,574 Mustard? 210 00:07:50,675 --> 00:07:52,512 So, I either got to find a new place 211 00:07:52,578 --> 00:07:54,214 or get another roommate? 212 00:07:54,315 --> 00:07:55,518 This is the same thing that happened 213 00:07:55,584 --> 00:07:58,122 when my mom married Stan. 214 00:07:59,024 --> 00:07:59,926 Don't worry, Max. 215 00:08:00,026 --> 00:08:00,928 When God closes a door, 216 00:08:01,028 --> 00:08:02,097 He opens a window. 217 00:08:02,197 --> 00:08:04,969 And guess who's climbing through that window, roomie? 218 00:08:05,003 --> 00:08:06,940 -(playing upbeat melody) -Oh, my God. 219 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,409 (clacking) 220 00:08:08,476 --> 00:08:10,213 ♪ ♪ 221 00:08:14,488 --> 00:08:15,725 -Can I get y'all anything else? -Nah. 222 00:08:15,758 --> 00:08:16,660 -No, thank you. -We're good. 223 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:18,296 How about you, sugar? 224 00:08:18,396 --> 00:08:19,632 "Sugar." 225 00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:22,337 That's my first nickname. 226 00:08:22,404 --> 00:08:23,907 I'll give you one. 227 00:08:23,974 --> 00:08:26,045 Martha. 228 00:08:26,112 --> 00:08:27,915 That's my mother's name. 229 00:08:28,016 --> 00:08:30,453 You're cute and funny. 230 00:08:30,554 --> 00:08:31,790 Here's your check. 231 00:08:31,857 --> 00:08:33,159 (laughs) 232 00:08:33,226 --> 00:08:34,228 Gideon. 233 00:08:34,294 --> 00:08:36,365 My name is Sugar. 234 00:08:36,399 --> 00:08:38,604 Okay, Sugar, I think she likes you. 235 00:08:38,670 --> 00:08:39,973 Go talk to her. 236 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:41,475 But take the olives off your fingers first. 237 00:08:41,576 --> 00:08:43,580 Aw. Okay. 238 00:08:44,849 --> 00:08:47,487 I'll go see if she needs help washing dishes. 239 00:08:47,622 --> 00:08:48,489 (chuckles) 240 00:08:48,624 --> 00:08:51,228 Excuse me, Martha... 241 00:08:51,897 --> 00:08:53,534 That boy need practice talking to women. 242 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,170 Hey, maybe we should take him to a strip club. 243 00:08:55,270 --> 00:08:57,508 Oh, well, why don't you just take him to your bathroom? 244 00:08:57,608 --> 00:08:58,744 It looks like a strip club. 245 00:08:58,811 --> 00:09:01,115 Black tile and those tacky gold faucets. 246 00:09:01,215 --> 00:09:02,752 Oh! So gold is tacky? 247 00:09:02,819 --> 00:09:04,488 You want to call the Olympics and tell them 248 00:09:04,556 --> 00:09:05,858 that their best prize is tacky? 249 00:09:05,925 --> 00:09:07,360 No, I'm gonna call my cousin 250 00:09:07,427 --> 00:09:08,062 and tell her I'm marrying 251 00:09:08,129 --> 00:09:09,799 the manager of the Bada Bing! 252 00:09:09,866 --> 00:09:11,603 Oh! 253 00:09:13,439 --> 00:09:15,243 (laughter) 254 00:09:15,845 --> 00:09:18,082 You know, I think they staged that fight 255 00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:19,686 because they don't want to pay for lunch. 256 00:09:19,819 --> 00:09:21,523 Yeah, I think you're probably right. 257 00:09:21,590 --> 00:09:22,859 But it is my birthday, so... 258 00:09:22,959 --> 00:09:25,029 Okay, all right, I got you. 259 00:09:25,063 --> 00:09:26,398 And, uh, I hope you saved some room. 260 00:09:26,465 --> 00:09:27,902 There's a really cool place up ahead 261 00:09:27,969 --> 00:09:30,106 that sells cheese in the shape of presidents. 262 00:09:30,173 --> 00:09:33,112 Kind of itching for some Pepper Jack Kennedy. 263 00:09:33,212 --> 00:09:36,018 Ich bin ein delicious. 264 00:09:37,220 --> 00:09:38,222 What are you doing? 265 00:09:38,289 --> 00:09:39,793 I'm taking the ketchup packets. 266 00:09:39,893 --> 00:09:40,995 -Why? -Well, we can use them 267 00:09:41,061 --> 00:09:42,999 on our burgers tonight and, uh... 268 00:09:43,065 --> 00:09:44,636 I don't want to brag, but this is how 269 00:09:44,669 --> 00:09:47,809 I've managed to not buy a bottle of ketchup in six years. 270 00:09:47,909 --> 00:09:49,679 Uh, first of all, weird flex. 271 00:09:49,779 --> 00:09:52,117 Uh, and I have had the same bottle of ketchup for six years. 272 00:09:52,184 --> 00:09:53,987 You know, you've actually saved like $1.40. 273 00:09:54,054 --> 00:09:57,662 Oh, I'm not who's about to be homeless, Max. 274 00:09:58,463 --> 00:09:59,465 Speaking of which, 275 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,736 ever since Gideon said he wanted to be my roommate 276 00:10:01,870 --> 00:10:04,074 I've been thinking about... 277 00:10:04,174 --> 00:10:05,845 how much I don't want that to happen. 278 00:10:05,911 --> 00:10:07,815 -Oh. -And, uh, I don't know, 279 00:10:07,882 --> 00:10:11,422 I had this crazy idea that maybe we could... 280 00:10:11,489 --> 00:10:13,326 Maybe we could what? 281 00:10:14,194 --> 00:10:15,430 Actually, forget it, it's... 282 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:16,933 No, I-I want to know what were you gonna say. 283 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,069 I don't know. 284 00:10:18,136 --> 00:10:19,873 You... You probably... You might not like it. 285 00:10:19,973 --> 00:10:22,477 Well, I might think it's, like, the greatest idea in the world. 286 00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:23,714 (sighs) 287 00:10:23,747 --> 00:10:24,949 -Okay, let me guess. -Okay. 288 00:10:25,016 --> 00:10:27,487 Might it have something to do with... 289 00:10:27,588 --> 00:10:30,493 Mi casa es su casa? 290 00:10:30,561 --> 00:10:32,030 Yes. 291 00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:34,602 Do you want to live together? 292 00:10:34,669 --> 00:10:35,938 ¡Sí, señor! 293 00:10:36,005 --> 00:10:38,242 And I know it's quick, but it just feels right. 294 00:10:38,276 --> 00:10:40,046 It totally feels right. That was so easy. 295 00:10:40,146 --> 00:10:41,583 -Do you see how easy that was? -Yeah. 296 00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,520 Why are Carter and Randi fighting so much about it? 297 00:10:43,587 --> 00:10:45,925 Because not every couple is as awesome as we are. 298 00:10:46,025 --> 00:10:48,129 Truth. Suck it, Randi and Carter. 299 00:10:48,229 --> 00:10:50,333 Bada bing and bada boom. 300 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,870 I mean, if this were the... 301 00:10:51,937 --> 00:10:54,041 the Olympics of couples, we would take the gold. 302 00:10:54,141 --> 00:10:56,680 How are we gonna pose when we get on the Wheaties box? 303 00:10:59,953 --> 00:11:02,090 ♪ ♪ 304 00:11:04,662 --> 00:11:06,432 So, you'll never guess what happened. 305 00:11:06,498 --> 00:11:08,737 If this has anything to do with The Commander in Cheese, 306 00:11:08,804 --> 00:11:09,906 I don't want to know. 307 00:11:10,006 --> 00:11:12,377 But how good was that Burrata Obama? 308 00:11:13,514 --> 00:11:14,749 With you and Carter moving in together, 309 00:11:14,816 --> 00:11:15,985 I had a great idea. 310 00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:18,356 Max and I are gonna move in together! 311 00:11:18,422 --> 00:11:20,761 Mm. 312 00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:23,634 What's "mm"? 313 00:11:23,734 --> 00:11:25,370 Nothing. 314 00:11:25,403 --> 00:11:27,808 No, that's the same "mm" you used 315 00:11:27,909 --> 00:11:29,512 when I told you I wanted to get jeggings. 316 00:11:29,612 --> 00:11:31,550 Well, nobody looks good in jeggings. 317 00:11:31,683 --> 00:11:32,818 Well, I do. 318 00:11:32,919 --> 00:11:34,454 What, you don't think it's a good idea? 319 00:11:34,522 --> 00:11:36,860 Honestly, I've lived with you both 320 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,296 and he's gonna drive you crazy. 321 00:11:38,396 --> 00:11:40,466 Well, we're practically living together already. 322 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:43,039 We're around each other all the time and it's going great. 323 00:11:43,139 --> 00:11:44,709 RANDI: No, this is different. 324 00:11:44,776 --> 00:11:46,312 Max doesn't think anything through. 325 00:11:46,378 --> 00:11:48,951 He's a child. I can't tell you the number of times 326 00:11:49,051 --> 00:11:50,453 he's left the house for groceries 327 00:11:50,554 --> 00:11:52,390 and came back with water balloons. 328 00:11:52,457 --> 00:11:53,927 It's 12. 329 00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:56,700 That's called being spontaneous and fun. 330 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,202 It's why we get along. 331 00:11:58,269 --> 00:11:59,939 Yeah, but you like things a certain way 332 00:12:00,006 --> 00:12:01,810 and you're kind of an overthinker. 333 00:12:01,943 --> 00:12:03,981 (laughing): I am not. 334 00:12:04,081 --> 00:12:06,218 Well, I-I guess sometimes I can be. 335 00:12:06,318 --> 00:12:08,155 But, you know, sometimes you have to be. 336 00:12:08,222 --> 00:12:10,260 Hold on, wait; give me a second and let me think about it. 337 00:12:10,326 --> 00:12:12,297 No, I'm not. Right? 338 00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,203 Look, if you want to move in with Max, go right ahead. 339 00:12:15,270 --> 00:12:16,539 I'm just saying 340 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,109 Carter and I have been together for a while 341 00:12:18,209 --> 00:12:19,712 and even we're struggling with it. 342 00:12:19,779 --> 00:12:21,282 Well, he's struggling to see that I'm right, 343 00:12:21,382 --> 00:12:22,852 but I'll get him there. 344 00:12:22,885 --> 00:12:25,658 (laughing): Well, Max and I are a very different couple 345 00:12:25,724 --> 00:12:27,193 than you and Carter. 346 00:12:27,294 --> 00:12:29,599 Different like how? 347 00:12:29,699 --> 00:12:31,168 Different like better? 348 00:12:31,803 --> 00:12:33,840 N-No. Pfft. No. 349 00:12:33,941 --> 00:12:35,644 Different like... Like, uh... 350 00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:37,682 equal but separate... 351 00:12:37,748 --> 00:12:40,186 like separate but equal. 352 00:12:40,253 --> 00:12:41,355 I'm just... 353 00:12:41,422 --> 00:12:43,894 I'm gonna take a left turn off this cliff over here. 354 00:12:43,961 --> 00:12:45,396 That's what I'm gonna do. 355 00:12:45,496 --> 00:12:48,202 All right, you've got two zombies on your six. 356 00:12:48,269 --> 00:12:49,572 -I'll cover you with the shotgun -(shotgun racking) 357 00:12:49,639 --> 00:12:50,908 then take a flamethrower to the door. 358 00:12:51,008 --> 00:12:52,010 (flamethrower whooshing) 359 00:12:52,077 --> 00:12:53,647 Aw, look, a little zombie girl. 360 00:12:53,747 --> 00:12:55,316 -(zombie girl growling) -That's cute. 361 00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:56,820 You're gonna bite me? 362 00:12:56,886 --> 00:12:57,989 Chainsawed! 363 00:12:58,022 --> 00:12:59,626 (chain saw revving) 364 00:12:59,692 --> 00:13:01,128 This is so much fun. 365 00:13:01,195 --> 00:13:04,869 Are we having what you fellas call "bro time"? 366 00:13:04,902 --> 00:13:06,372 Well, we've got beer, video games, 367 00:13:06,438 --> 00:13:10,046 and I'm farting when I want to, so, yeah. 368 00:13:10,146 --> 00:13:12,885 Hey, did you ask out that waitress? 369 00:13:12,985 --> 00:13:14,254 Well, I left behind 370 00:13:14,321 --> 00:13:17,027 a wicker doll that looked like the prophet Isaiah, 371 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:19,666 so I definitely made the first move. 372 00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,203 Gideon, you're not on the farm anymore. 373 00:13:22,270 --> 00:13:24,408 When you like a girl, ask for her phone number, 374 00:13:24,509 --> 00:13:27,080 slide into her DMs, have sex with her best friend 375 00:13:27,180 --> 00:13:29,886 so she gets jealous, then make the move over. 376 00:13:29,952 --> 00:13:31,623 Yeah, you got to be romantic. 377 00:13:31,723 --> 00:13:32,992 Women dig that stuff. 378 00:13:33,059 --> 00:13:34,562 Ah, fire in the hole! 379 00:13:34,629 --> 00:13:36,131 (farts) Ah. 380 00:13:36,198 --> 00:13:37,000 Uh, by the way, 381 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:39,271 Randi and I call the other bed. 382 00:13:39,338 --> 00:13:40,908 You sure she's gonna want to sleep with you? 383 00:13:40,974 --> 00:13:42,410 She seems pretty pissed. 384 00:13:42,477 --> 00:13:44,047 I don't know why she doesn't want to move into my place. 385 00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:45,617 My first wife loved it. 386 00:13:45,684 --> 00:13:48,557 Losing that condo was harder for her than losing me. 387 00:13:48,623 --> 00:13:50,259 That's probably why Randi doesn't want to live there. 388 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:51,930 -You bought it with your ex-wife. -So? 389 00:13:51,996 --> 00:13:54,736 I also bought the bed that we sleep in with my ex-wife. 390 00:13:54,802 --> 00:13:56,338 Do not tell her that. 391 00:13:56,405 --> 00:13:57,842 Even I know that. 392 00:13:57,908 --> 00:13:59,177 And the only woman I've ever kissed 393 00:13:59,244 --> 00:14:02,551 was my Nana, right before we buried her. 394 00:14:08,797 --> 00:14:11,201 ♪ ♪ 395 00:14:14,274 --> 00:14:16,746 I have made... 396 00:14:16,846 --> 00:14:19,886 fire! 397 00:14:19,986 --> 00:14:21,890 You just turned on the propane. 398 00:14:21,990 --> 00:14:24,294 But I made fire. 399 00:14:25,096 --> 00:14:27,668 Oh, thanks for letting me chop the wood. 400 00:14:27,735 --> 00:14:29,572 Usually that honor goes to the elder 401 00:14:29,672 --> 00:14:31,475 with the season's highest corn yield, 402 00:14:31,576 --> 00:14:33,412 but I won't tell if you won't. 403 00:14:33,479 --> 00:14:34,515 Oh, you're welcome, 404 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,853 but you are letting me wash the dishes tonight. 405 00:14:36,953 --> 00:14:38,456 Aw, really? 406 00:14:38,557 --> 00:14:40,894 Oh, okay, you can do them. 407 00:14:40,961 --> 00:14:41,896 But you owe me. 408 00:14:41,963 --> 00:14:44,367 You are the best. 409 00:14:45,971 --> 00:14:49,144 Are you not gonna tell him that we don't need firewood? 410 00:14:49,211 --> 00:14:50,714 Girl, I'm just trying to tucker him out. 411 00:14:50,781 --> 00:14:53,085 I got bored playing fetch with him. 412 00:14:53,185 --> 00:14:54,889 (laughs) 413 00:14:56,158 --> 00:14:59,197 Ugh, what is that smell? 414 00:14:59,264 --> 00:15:00,233 Nature? 415 00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:01,301 Gross. 416 00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:02,437 (hissing) 417 00:15:02,505 --> 00:15:03,774 (sniffs) 418 00:15:03,874 --> 00:15:06,311 Ooh, nice. Pine-scented. 419 00:15:07,347 --> 00:15:08,115 KAT: Uh-oh. 420 00:15:08,182 --> 00:15:10,253 What's going on over here? 421 00:15:10,319 --> 00:15:11,756 Making burgers. 422 00:15:11,856 --> 00:15:14,327 But they're not all the same thickness. 423 00:15:14,428 --> 00:15:16,633 Like, look, fatty patty. 424 00:15:16,699 --> 00:15:17,535 Who cares? 425 00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:20,641 Uh, everyone, when they don't cook evenly. 426 00:15:20,674 --> 00:15:22,010 -It's fine. -Yeah, well... 427 00:15:22,143 --> 00:15:23,814 It's gonna be. (chuckles) 428 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:25,349 Okay, okay. All right. Yeah. 429 00:15:25,416 --> 00:15:27,521 -Thank you. -Oh, you're welcome. 430 00:15:27,588 --> 00:15:29,424 Um, hey, where'd you put the ketchup packets? 431 00:15:29,491 --> 00:15:31,796 Oh, right, so I stuck them under the seat of the toilet 432 00:15:31,863 --> 00:15:34,902 and when Gideon sat down, it squirted in his underwear. 433 00:15:34,969 --> 00:15:37,474 You used my ketchup packets for a prank? 434 00:15:37,575 --> 00:15:41,348 Yeah, he thought he was dying, it was hilarious. 435 00:15:42,117 --> 00:15:44,321 Great. Thanks a lot, Max. 436 00:15:44,387 --> 00:15:45,490 Are you mad? 437 00:15:45,591 --> 00:15:47,795 Well, you knew I wanted them for our burgers 438 00:15:47,895 --> 00:15:50,366 and you wasted them on a stupid prank. 439 00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:52,170 Mm, awesome prank. 440 00:15:52,303 --> 00:15:53,807 Oh, my gosh, you are a child. 441 00:15:53,874 --> 00:15:57,413 And you're an adult yelling at me over ketchup packets. 442 00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:59,184 I'm not yelling. And, you know, it's not even 443 00:15:59,251 --> 00:16:00,687 about the ketchup packets. 444 00:16:00,754 --> 00:16:02,791 We now all have to eat dry burgers 445 00:16:02,858 --> 00:16:04,294 because you didn't think this through 446 00:16:04,361 --> 00:16:06,165 or consider anyone else and you know what? 447 00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:07,367 Yeah, now I guess I am yelling! 448 00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:09,204 MAX: Oh, my God, would you relax? 449 00:16:09,304 --> 00:16:11,074 You know what would help me relax? 450 00:16:11,141 --> 00:16:12,978 The zesty tang of ketchup! 451 00:16:13,078 --> 00:16:14,481 MAX: You are being ridiculous. 452 00:16:14,582 --> 00:16:16,519 Is this what you're gonna be like when we move in together? 453 00:16:16,619 --> 00:16:17,721 You know, maybe it is. 454 00:16:17,822 --> 00:16:18,857 Is this what you're gonna be like 455 00:16:18,957 --> 00:16:19,859 when we move in together? 456 00:16:19,959 --> 00:16:20,961 Yeah, probably, 457 00:16:21,028 --> 00:16:22,130 'cause this is who I am. 458 00:16:22,197 --> 00:16:23,332 Oh, and one more thing. 459 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:27,106 I liked who you were, fatty patty. 460 00:16:28,175 --> 00:16:29,477 -Give me that! -No! 461 00:16:29,545 --> 00:16:31,081 -You give me that fatty patty! -No, stop it. 462 00:16:31,181 --> 00:16:32,483 -KAT: Give it! -(Randi chuckles) 463 00:16:32,585 --> 00:16:34,154 Better couple, my ass. 464 00:16:34,221 --> 00:16:35,958 -Give it! -Ow, it's hot. 465 00:16:36,626 --> 00:16:39,297 ♪ Oh, you can't ride in the little red wagon ♪ 466 00:16:39,397 --> 00:16:41,401 ♪ Wheel is broke and the axle's saggin' ♪ 467 00:16:41,503 --> 00:16:43,405 ♪ Chug-chug, chug-chug-chug ♪ 468 00:16:43,507 --> 00:16:45,376 ♪ Next verse, same as the first ♪ 469 00:16:45,443 --> 00:16:47,882 ♪ Little bit louder and a whole lot worse. ♪ 470 00:16:47,948 --> 00:16:49,150 Everybody! 471 00:16:49,251 --> 00:16:50,988 I'm gonna hit him with my walking stick. 472 00:16:51,088 --> 00:16:52,257 This hike is taking forever. 473 00:16:52,323 --> 00:16:53,560 Why are we even doing this? 474 00:16:53,627 --> 00:16:55,129 Look, I want to go home. 475 00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:56,966 To my fantastic home. 476 00:16:57,033 --> 00:16:58,369 No one is going home! 477 00:16:58,469 --> 00:17:00,874 Okay? We're gonna see a gorgeous fricking lake 478 00:17:00,974 --> 00:17:02,477 in 4.81 miles. 479 00:17:02,578 --> 00:17:04,582 And we're gonna take pictures and we're gonna smile 480 00:17:04,682 --> 00:17:06,318 and we're gonna post those pictures online 481 00:17:06,385 --> 00:17:08,590 so that everybody can see how great our lives are. 482 00:17:08,723 --> 00:17:10,827 Max'sSmokingBirthday, 483 00:17:10,894 --> 00:17:11,829 SmokyMountains, 484 00:17:11,896 --> 00:17:14,000 BinderLife. 485 00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,002 Stop talking. 486 00:17:15,069 --> 00:17:16,706 Damn, you beat me to it. 487 00:17:16,773 --> 00:17:18,008 (growling) 488 00:17:18,108 --> 00:17:19,745 -KAT: Holy crap. -RANDI: Oh, Lord. 489 00:17:19,812 --> 00:17:21,281 Mommy. 490 00:17:21,381 --> 00:17:23,018 -(growling) -What do we do? 491 00:17:23,118 --> 00:17:25,289 Yeah. What do we do? 492 00:17:25,389 --> 00:17:26,726 (growling) 493 00:17:26,826 --> 00:17:27,995 Oh. 494 00:17:28,095 --> 00:17:30,767 I'll pray for you! 495 00:17:31,736 --> 00:17:33,506 Okay, that's a black bear. 496 00:17:33,573 --> 00:17:35,510 So that means that it's either a black bear... 497 00:17:35,544 --> 00:17:36,846 or not a black bear. 498 00:17:36,913 --> 00:17:39,585 Well, your binder said to make yourself as big as possible 499 00:17:39,652 --> 00:17:41,255 and then slowly back away. 500 00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:42,625 Oh, you read my binder? 501 00:17:42,725 --> 00:17:44,629 There was a lot of good pictures of me in there. 502 00:17:44,695 --> 00:17:45,631 Did the binder say anything 503 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:46,966 about marking your territory 504 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,168 with your own pee? 505 00:17:48,269 --> 00:17:50,974 'Cause... we now have that covered. 506 00:17:51,008 --> 00:17:52,010 MAX: Okay. 507 00:17:52,076 --> 00:17:54,782 Everybody, as big as possible. 508 00:17:54,882 --> 00:17:56,719 (bear snarling) 509 00:17:56,786 --> 00:17:58,289 (roaring) 510 00:17:58,355 --> 00:17:59,157 Uh... 511 00:17:59,224 --> 00:18:00,359 ♪ You can't ride ♪ 512 00:18:00,459 --> 00:18:01,729 ♪ In my little red wagon ♪ 513 00:18:01,796 --> 00:18:02,865 ♪ Wheel is broke ♪ 514 00:18:02,932 --> 00:18:04,234 ♪ And the axle's saggin' ♪ 515 00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:05,269 What are you doing? 516 00:18:05,336 --> 00:18:06,706 I am not dying to that song. 517 00:18:06,773 --> 00:18:08,810 We're supposed to make noise that's non-threatening. 518 00:18:08,910 --> 00:18:09,946 Uh... 519 00:18:10,046 --> 00:18:11,516 ♪ Chug-chug, chug-chug-chug ♪ 520 00:18:11,582 --> 00:18:14,588 ♪ You can't ride in my little red wagon ♪ 521 00:18:14,655 --> 00:18:16,659 ♪ Wheel is broke and the axle's saggin'. ♪ 522 00:18:16,726 --> 00:18:19,197 -RANDI: He's turning around! -KAT: Yeah. 523 00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:21,301 Yeah, that's right, walk away, Yogi. 524 00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:23,640 -(roaring) -(screaming) 525 00:18:23,740 --> 00:18:26,144 (gasping, grunting) 526 00:18:30,353 --> 00:18:32,290 A lot of things came into focus 527 00:18:32,357 --> 00:18:34,060 when I was protecting you from that bear. 528 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:35,496 You were standing behind me. 529 00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:36,498 Wha...? 530 00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:38,202 I didn't want it to sneak up on you. 531 00:18:38,302 --> 00:18:40,373 It's called having your back, Randi. 532 00:18:40,439 --> 00:18:41,676 I don't want to fight anymore. 533 00:18:41,743 --> 00:18:43,312 We went camping with a bunch of white people 534 00:18:43,379 --> 00:18:45,651 and almost got killed. That's on us. 535 00:18:45,751 --> 00:18:48,489 Look, I get you don't want to move into my condo 536 00:18:48,556 --> 00:18:50,159 because I lived there with my ex-wife. 537 00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:51,729 You did? I didn't know that! 538 00:18:51,796 --> 00:18:55,804 Well, then I didn't, and you still don't know that. 539 00:18:56,471 --> 00:18:58,843 Well, I was thinking maybe we can change a few things 540 00:18:58,910 --> 00:19:02,250 about your place to make it feel more like our place. 541 00:19:02,283 --> 00:19:04,522 Really? Thank you, baby. 542 00:19:04,655 --> 00:19:06,458 But now that I know that Stephanie lived there with you, 543 00:19:06,526 --> 00:19:09,965 we are ripping that sucker down to the studs. 544 00:19:10,032 --> 00:19:11,669 We could do that. 545 00:19:11,769 --> 00:19:15,877 You know, uh, Stephanie was there when I bought my old Xbox. 546 00:19:15,977 --> 00:19:18,182 So, we gonna need to get the new one. 547 00:19:18,248 --> 00:19:19,685 (Randi chuckles) 548 00:19:20,721 --> 00:19:23,660 Sorry your birthday was kind of a bust. 549 00:19:23,693 --> 00:19:26,498 Are you kidding? I punched out a bear. 550 00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:28,703 And you're gonna back me up when I tell people that, 551 00:19:28,803 --> 00:19:31,241 -that's your birthday gift to me. -(sighs) 552 00:19:33,445 --> 00:19:36,351 I have never been so terrified. 553 00:19:36,418 --> 00:19:37,420 Yeah. 554 00:19:37,487 --> 00:19:40,359 I'm really glad you were there with me. 555 00:19:40,426 --> 00:19:41,829 Yeah, the whole thing just made 556 00:19:41,896 --> 00:19:44,401 what we were fighting about seem so stupid. 557 00:19:44,502 --> 00:19:47,473 I shouldn't have called you a child. 558 00:19:47,541 --> 00:19:49,912 I shouldn't have called you a control freak. 559 00:19:50,012 --> 00:19:51,916 You didn't. 560 00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:54,054 Right, that was with Carter. 561 00:19:54,655 --> 00:19:58,563 So even though I'm a bit of a micromanager... 562 00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:01,636 you still want to move in together? 563 00:20:01,703 --> 00:20:03,540 Sí, señor. 564 00:20:04,575 --> 00:20:06,011 Yeah, and if you think it's too quick, 565 00:20:06,078 --> 00:20:06,779 I can totally find 566 00:20:06,879 --> 00:20:09,417 (whispering): another roommate. 567 00:20:09,484 --> 00:20:12,090 I said that low in case Gideon's around. 568 00:20:12,791 --> 00:20:14,494 If the two of us can get through that, 569 00:20:14,562 --> 00:20:16,198 we can get through anything. 570 00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,302 Except climate change, that's really gonna require 571 00:20:18,368 --> 00:20:20,640 more of a group effort. 572 00:20:21,374 --> 00:20:23,078 -Max. -(chuckling) 573 00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:25,116 -We're gonna move in together! -(grunts) 574 00:20:25,216 --> 00:20:26,753 (Kat laughs) 575 00:20:29,224 --> 00:20:30,392 Wait, is that the RV? 576 00:20:30,459 --> 00:20:32,396 KAT: Hey, is that Gideon driving? 577 00:20:32,463 --> 00:20:34,100 Does Gideon know how to drive? 578 00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:35,871 I'm sure he does. 579 00:20:36,438 --> 00:20:38,208 I'm gonna ask the waitress out on a date! 580 00:20:38,308 --> 00:20:39,512 Life is too short! 581 00:20:39,645 --> 00:20:41,248 No, stop the RV! 582 00:20:41,314 --> 00:20:43,820 Don't know how! Bye! 583 00:20:50,199 --> 00:20:51,234 Hello, Mother. 584 00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:52,270 SHEILA: Oh, hello, sweetheart. 585 00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:53,606 Just wanted to let you know 586 00:20:53,706 --> 00:20:54,642 we are headed back 587 00:20:54,742 --> 00:20:56,512 and we should be home in a few hours. 588 00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:57,948 Wonderful. Drive safe. 589 00:20:58,015 --> 00:20:59,384 KAT: We will. And, uh... 590 00:20:59,451 --> 00:21:01,488 thanks again for taking care of the cats. 591 00:21:01,556 --> 00:21:03,827 Oh, yes, of course. They were little angels. 592 00:21:04,628 --> 00:21:05,797 Oh, crap. 593 00:21:05,897 --> 00:21:08,302 ("You Can't Ride in My Little Red Wagon" playing) 594 00:21:15,182 --> 00:21:17,688 ♪ ♪ 595 00:21:35,724 --> 00:21:37,528 Captioning sponsored by WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 596 00:21:37,561 --> 00:21:40,332 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 597 00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:44,932 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42669

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