All language subtitles for 28 - No More Mr Nice Guy

Marvellous breakfast, beautiful wife.
I think it's going to be a gorgeous day.

I think I'll quit my job
and enjoy it all.

Think I'll begin by going back to bed.

Oh, fine, fine. I'll just have the postman
slip our bills under your pillow.

I get the message.

The slave's off and running.

-See you tonight, sweetheart.
-Yes, sweetheart.

Now, listen very carefully, dear,
and watch Grandmama.

Oh, witches of the yesteryear

Grant me this wish to disappear.

See how simple it is, dear?

It's really very easy, darling.
Now, why don't you try it, huh?

Oh, no, she won't!

When did you swoop in?
We have doorbells, you know.

And I warned you about teaching
Tabatha that hocus-pocus!

Oh, don't be such a bore.

We were just playing a little game.

I saw that game.
I've told you a thousand times:

Witchcraft will not
be practised in this house!

What on earth is going on?

Just Darwin whispering
at his usual level.

-I've had it with her!
-All right. You'll be late for work.

-I'll settle everything.
-Okay, okay.

But just keep that harpy
away from my daughter and me!

I'll see you tonight, sweetheart.

He's really too much.

Mother, what was it this time?

Oh, nothing. He was just being
his usual self. Difficult.

Well, that's utter nonsense.

You provoke him. He gets along
beautifully with everybody but you.

It's true. In business
and everything else...

...people find Darrin
extremely likable.

Come on, sweetheart.
Time for your breakfast. Here we go.

People find dum-dum
extremely likable.

Oh, they do, do they?

Well, let's see
how likable he can be.

Say, I like this type you've selected,
Darrin. Bold, has authority.

Thanks, Larry.

Yeah? It's for you, Larry.

Hello. Oh, yes. Send him in here.

Frank Eastwood, an assistant
from the mayor's office.

He can't want a contribution.
Campaign's over.

Not for us.
I didn't have time to tell you...

...but they want McMann & Tate
to create a new image for the mayor.

-Isn't that a little out of our line, Larry?
-Not at all. It's a very large fee.

Besides, it will open a whole new field
for us, so turn on the charm, my boy.

-Hello, Larry.
-Frank, my buddy. Nice to see you.

I don't believe you know
Darrin Stephens.

-Glad to meet you.
-The pleasure's mine.

Have a seat, Frank. Shall we
discuss this over some coffee?

-How do you take yours?
-Cream and sugar, please.

-You take yours black, right, Darrin?
-Right, black.

Oh, tiny wizard of the irascible spell

At the teeny sound
Of your tinkling bell

The new acquaintance
This mortal meets

He will dislike
And with loathing treat

-You don't like cream?
-No.

Why not?

-Why not?
-Why not?

-What have you got against cream?
-I don't have anything against cream.

Gentlemen. Gentlemen,
let's forget about the coffee, shall we...

...and get on with the campaign.

All right.

All right.
This campaign for the mayor...

...has to be handled
with the utmost tact and diplomacy.

-I understand, sir.
-How can you understand, Stephens?

I haven't even mentioned
the problem yet.

Just be quiet until
you know what's going on.

Look, Frank. Let me assure you
we're here to listen...

...and do the best campaign we can.

Oh, I know you are, Larry.
You're an old friend.

-And I trust your judgement completely.
-Good.

Now, just tell us what sort of image for
the mayor you would like us to mould.

Well, Mayor Rockland
is a fine administrator.

But he lacks colour and appeal.

He's sort of old-fashioned
in his dress and speech.

Stephens here is an expert
at creating colourful phrases...

...that we can sprinkle liberally
into the mayor's speeches.

All right, Stephens. Let's hear some
of those colourful phrases of yours.

Well, I'll have to give that
some thought, sir.

Now, that's a clich�
if I ever heard one.

The mayor uses that line every day.

I wasn't suggesting he use it.

Why not? What's wrong with it?
Got him elected.

Yes, it did. And I voted for him.

Stephens, I resent
your toadying attitude.

I didn't come here to seek
political patronage.

I thought you might have
some ideas about public relations.

Well, I'm sorry.
Perhaps it might be better...

...if you gentlemen discussed
this campaign alone.

Oh, you're walking out on us, huh?
Politics are beneath you, is that it?

You're interested
in tawdry commercial accounts.

-I don't think Darrin meant--
-Don't apologize for him, Larry.

But in view of his personality,
I don't see how we can possibly...

...put the mayor's image
in the hands of this agency.

Frank. Frank, I'll call you.

Why did you do that?

-Do what?
-Why did you rub him the wrong way?

I didn't, Larry. You heard him.
He was the one who got out of line.

The client never gets out of line.

For some reason or other,
he took an instant dislike to me.

Loathed you, is the way I'd put it.

We can't have that,
not in our business.

Mr. Stephens?

Mr. Stephens,
there's someone here to see you.

The model Mr. Tate wants interviewed
for the Baldwin Blanket account.

-She's here.
-Who?

Is something wrong, Mr. Stephens?

Wrong? What--?
What's wrong about me?

Oh, nothing, sir. Nothing's wrong
with you as far as I'm concerned.

-Would you please send in the model?
-Yes, sir.

-Miss Adams?
-Thank you.

Hello, Mr. Stephens.
I'm Gloria Adams.

-The Summit Model Agency sent me.
-It's nice to meet you, Miss Adams.

Since it's for Baldwin Blankets...

...I thought this costume
might be appropriate.

The nightgown's a very good idea,
but I don't think it's necessary.

You mean you want
to see more of me?

Oh, no. No. I just mean
you come highly recommended...

...and I'm sure you've had
a great deal of experience.

And what do you mean
by that crack?

Nothing at all. I mean you've had
a great deal of experience modelling.

Yes, that's very lovely.
I'm sure you'll do nicely.

-Do what?
-Nothing!

-Here. Let me help you.
-Don't you dare touch me.

Come on, Miss Adams.
I'm a happily married man.

Oh, that is what they all say. Beast.

I--

All right, all right. I believe you.
So you didn't get out of line with her.

The Summit Model Agency did report
to me that she was highly incensed.

Incensed? She's a kook!

Yes? Send him right in.

I can't understand it. She acted
like I was some kind of bluebeard!

Forget it.
We can always find another model.

But not another account as
lucrative as Baldwin Blankets.

Now, for heaven's sake, make
a good impression on Baldwin, please.

-Horace!
-I wanted you to see this immediately.

It's just off the loom.

The new
Super Electronic Baldwin Special.

Horace, it's a beauty.

Say, you haven't met
Darrin Stephens, our top man.

He's got some great
promotion ideas.

Happy to make
your acquaintance, Darrin.

I've been looking forward
to meeting you.

Now, let's get down to business.

Where are those
great slogans you brought me?

I put them right on your desk, Larry.

Get off that blanket, boy.

Excuse me, sir.

It's the new Super Electronic Baldwin,
not a doormat.

Here they are.
They're your ideas, Darrin.

-I think you better read them, Larry.
-What's the matter?

-Haven't you got any faith in them?
-I certainly have, sir.

I think we can get a campaign that
will sell your blankets like hotcakes.

I don't like overconfidence.

What he means is that
he has confidence...

...in the excellence of your product.

-Well, why didn't he say so?
-I did say so.

We're going to stress the quality and
the durability of the Baldwin Blanket...

...and also the beauty
and the comfort.

Sounds like you're using the hard sell,
and my blankets are soft.

Oh, well, we intend to use
soft humour in the slogans.

Larry. Like this:

"For full protection,
Baldwin Blankets keep you covered."

It's scary.

"Protection" will make the customers
think about burglars, not sleep.

Burglars. Well, how about this?

"Make your security blanket
a Baldwin."

Make your jokes
on your own time, Stephens.

Horace, perhaps we ought to give
this campaign some more thought.

I'm sorry, Larry.

He just hasn't got the feel
for my blankets.

And chemically, we don't hit it off.

He's some kind of a kook too.

Well, Larry, say something.
That's not rational behaviour.

Speaking of behaviour....

This is the third time this morning
you've provoked hostility in the office.

-Well, it's not me.
-No, it's not. You're not yourself.

Your personality's taken
a swan dive...

...and two accounts
have gone down with it.

-I just don't understand it, Larry.
-Neither do I.

Why not take the afternoon off
and talk to someone who might?

-Like who?
-Like Bob Farnsworth.

The psychiatrist?
Now, just a minute, Larry!

Bob's okay
as an occasional golf partner...

...but I don't swing
with this head-shrinking jazz.

Don't be medieval, Darrin.
You need psychiatric first aid.

What I need, Max can handle!

-Max?
-He's my favourite bartender.

Even the door hates me.

-Another one, Mr. Stephens?
-No, Max. Nothing's going to help.

-Nobody likes me.
-Yeah? How come?

Down, down, down....
Personality crackup.

Hey, buddy boy, you know what?
I went to Philadelphia yesterday.

Shut up, Harry.

-You sure nobody likes you?
-They loathe me, the whole world.

Hey, pal, you know what?

Yeah, we know.
Yesterday you went to Philadelphia.

And it was closed.

Okay, now beat it.
Don't bother Mr. Stephens.

It's all right, Max.
Let him stay. I need a friend.

Boy, you are in a bad way.

Washed up. My boss even tried
to send me to a psychiatrist.

You don't need
a "psycho-diatrist," buddy boy.

Clam up, Harry.
What do you know about it?

Last year I started going
to a psychiatrist about my drinking.

-Are you still going?
-No, I gave him up.

I couldn't afford the booze
and him too.

Beat it, Harry.

Who needs you? You crumb.

You see, Max? Even him.

Oh, don't pay any attention
to that bum.

-Everybody treats me like that.
-Yeah?

Well, there's gotta be a reason.

Maybe your boss was right.
Maybe you got one of them complexes.

-Does it show that much?
-I don't know. I ain't no skull doctor.

-You think I need one too.
-Well, it can't hurt.

You're right, pal.

Hello. Oh, hi, Larry.

Darrin?

What would he be doing home
at this hour? Isn't he at the office?

Troubled?
What do you mean, troubled?

Now, don't get upset, Samantha.
It's probably nothing serious.

It's just that he's developed
some sort of a personality problem.

-Has anything gone wrong at home?
-No, of course not.

What do you mean,
personality problem?

All morning people have been
taking an instant dislike to him...

...including one
of our most important clients.

-I don't understand.
-I don't understand it either, Sam.

But fortunately, Baldwin said he's
reconsidered his attitude toward Darrin.

He's on his way
to give him another chance.

Larry, we have to find him. Where
do you think he could've gone?

-Well, he was headed for a bar.
-A bar?

And grill. I called there,
but he had left.

Maybe he took my advice
and is with Bob Farnsworth.

-The psychiatrist?
-Yes, the psychiatrist.

I don't want to interrupt the session.
He certainly needs help.

If you hear from him, would you tell him
to get back here as soon as he can?

Oh, yes. Yes, I will, Larry.

Bye.

Psychiatrist? Darrin?
But everyone likes Darrin.

Everyone except--

Mother. Mother, I want to talk to you.

I know your spiteful spells.

You're antagonizing people
against Darrin.

You materialize this instant.

Mother, you're putting
the mother-in-law business...

...out of business.

Tell me, how long have you had
this feeling that people dislike you?

Just since this morning.

I think your inner conflicts have been
building up ever since your marriage.

It all starts in the home, you know.

I'm very happily married.

Only on the surface, Darrin.
Deep down, you're seething.

Bob, you've got it all wrong.

Perhaps. But you're certainly
overreacting to my suggestion.

I am not! I am not. I love my wife.

All right. But let's keep
an open mind, shall we?

Then if we happen to find
any little hidden resentments...

...towards your wife's behaviour,
we can bring them out into the open.

I don't resent her.
The whole suggestion is ridiculous.

I don't think so. It's a typical
American male attitude to be fearful...

...of revealing a wife's domination.

-Samantha does not dominate me.
-I didn't say she did.

But you applied my general
observation to yourself.

That's because you're
getting me all mixed-up.

Now, that's a healthy sign.

I think if we dig a little deeper
into your ego, your marriage...

...we can cure your problem.

-What's wrong?
-Nothing.

Nothing's wrong, not with you.
You seem to be a very fine person.

Calm, well-adjusted,
one of the nicest men I've ever met.

I'm the hostile personality
around here.

I'm the one who should be
seeing a psychiatrist.

-Where are you going?
-To my psychiatrist.

And if you think I'm expensive,
you should have to go to him.

-Sam, what are you doing here?
-Don't worry.

I got Aunt Hagatha
to sit with Tabatha.

-How did you know I was here?
-Never mind that now.

-Larry needs you back at the office.
-I can't go back there.

-I'll just cause more trouble.
-Oh, Darrin.

It isn't you. It's Mother.

Yes, you see, she put some kind
of spell on people so they dislike you.

I should have known
this was Endora's sandbag.

I'm afraid so.

You'd better get to the office.
Mr. Baldwin's coming to see you.

What good will that do? Baldwin will
have Endora's whammy on him.

I'll find her and get her to take it off.

But meanwhile, you be very,
very, very nice to him.

Be sweet as pie. Now, hurry up.

Well, Darrin will be very pleased that
your attitude toward him has changed.

Well, here he is now.

Mr. Baldwin!
I can't tell you how marvellous it is...

...to have the pleasure
of your company again.

-Well, thanks.
-It's so very, very, very nice of you...

...to come back again.
Yes, sirree, sir.

Certainly pleased, all right, isn't he?
Well, Stephens...

...I felt that I was a little hasty
and abrupt in my judgement...

...of you and your ideas
this morning.

Oh, not at all, sir. It was entirely
my fault. You were right, sir.

I should have paid more
attention to your ideas.

Oh, excuse me,
is that lint on your suit, sir?

Oh, that's a beautiful suit, sir.
May I compliment you on your taste?

I guess so.

Well, as I was about to say--
What was I gonna say?

That you liked Stephens'
ideas for Baldwin Blankets.

Yes. Yes!

I particularly like
the slogan that goes:

"For full protection,
Baldwin Blankets keep you covered."

Are you absolutely certain
you like it, Mr. Baldwin?

I'll do anything to make it better.
I'm sure that I can improve it.

-No, I like it just the way it is.
-Are you positive, sir?

-After all, here at McMann & Tate--
-Yes, Darrin. He's positive.

Oh, that's wonderful, Mr. Baldwin.
Won't you have a cigar, sir?

-They're the finest. You'll enjoy it.
-No, thanks. Don't smoke cigars.

That's very wise of you, sir.
Can I do anything else for you?

-I'd just like to get on with it.
-Good idea, Horace.

You're tired. Why don't you sit down?
This chair is very comfortable.

I don't wanna sit down. I want
to get this over with and go to lunch.

You're hungry. I'll run right downstairs
and get you a sandwich.

Darrin.

What would you like, sir?
Ham, corned beef? How about a club?

Club? Don't tempt me.

I'd be only too happy
to get it for you, sir.

Since you agree with
the way we're going to handle...

...this campaign,
let's get together some other time...

...so you won't be late
for your luncheon appointment.

Larry, a great suggestion.
The account's yours.

-Oh, thank you, Horace.
-Go ahead without me.

Mr. Baldwin, I'll be looking forward
to our next meeting.

-At your convenience, of course, sir.
-I like your work, Stephens.

But I don't think
we'll need any more meetings.

Well, we got the account back again,
but you almost lost it.

I was only trying to be likable.

I liked you better
when you were unlikable.

Samantha! Sam!

Hi, sweetheart.
Is something the matter?

-This time your mother's gone too far.
-What did she do now?

She took the spell off, that's what!

Well, since when is that
something to complain about?

When she takes the spell off,
I don't know it's off...

...and I make a fool of myself
in front of Larry and Mr. Baldwin...

...that's when I complain.

I tried to call, but your secretary
said you were busy...

...and couldn't be disturbed.

I was busy getting myself nominated
as the boob of the year.

But only after I'd won the vote
as the most disliked boob of the year.

I don't have to
worry about my popularity.

Well, I should hope not.

Well, not with everything else
you have to worry about.

What "everything else"?

Well, like your charm,
your good looks...

...your wonderful personality,
your funny, crooked smile...

...your great sense of humour,
your warmth and sincerity.

Gee, I didn't know
my smile was crooked.

-Darrin.
-What?

I'm telling you I love you.

And I love you.

Crooked how?

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