All language subtitles for 27 - A Crone of Cawdor

Well, I'm meeting Darrin
for lunch about 1:00...

...so if you got here about noon,
it'd be perfect.

Okay? Bye-bye.

Who was that, honey? The sitter?

-Who'd you get?
-My mother.

Since when do you talk
to her on the phone?

I wasn't on the phone.

Honey, about lunch.
I've been wondering...

...is it wise to go to La Bella Donna?
The service is slow.

Oh, sweetheart.

The whole point is that's where we had
lunch on our first date three years ago.

If the service had been faster,
we might never have married.

That's true.

Unless, of course,
you haven't got the time.

Well, I do have
a very heavy afternoon.

But I've only got one appointment this
morning: The Warbell Dress account.

Warbell? You said he was
one of your toughest clients.

He is, but I'm meeting
with his daughter Terry.

She's been made
advertising manager.

Just call me if you have a problem.
It's wonderful you remembered.

Most men don't remember
their wedding anniversary.

They would if they
were married to you.

Because you are unforgettable.

What did I ever do
to deserve you?

That's what I've been asking
ever since you married.

Endora, this day is so special
that not even you are going to spoil it.

-Goodbye, sweetheart.
-Goodbye, darling.

Goodbye, Endora, dear.

I may be violently ill.

Mother?

You know very well you catch more
flies with honey than with vinegar.

Tell that to the Dodger outfield.

Hi. Aren't you Darrin Stephens?

-Yes, I am. I don't believe--
-No, we haven't met.

But we're supposed to in about
20 minutes. I'm Terry Warbell.

Oh, how do you do?

-Isn't this a coincidence?
-It certainly is.

I thought your folks lived
in Larchmont.

They do, but since I'll be working
with McMann & Tate...

...I got an apartment
not far from here.

Well, how about that?

I better hurry.
I'll be late for our meeting.

I have an idea. Why don't you ride
with me and we can talk on the way?

That's very sweet of you, but
I'll be needing my car later on today.

That's an even better idea.
I'll go along with you.

But....

You see, the sooner we get started,
the earlier we'll finish.

Okay.

There, that's a human being for you.

One minute he's so sweet you
have to go on a sugar-free diet.

And then he goes out and picks up
the first gorgeous face he sees.

Mother, he was just giving her a lift.

From what I can see, vice versa.

Any woman whose husband
remembers the date...

...of their first meeting
has nothing to worry about.

I'm glad you feel that way, darling.

-I do.
-Good.

Do you really think
she was that gorgeous?

Though I understand Warbell's interest
in a magazine like Knickerbocker's...

...my study shows that
on a cost-per-thousand basis...

...we could do much better in some of
the mass-circulation magazines.

-How do you feel?
-Just wonderful.

I mean about
the mass-circulation magazines.

-The what?
-Miss Warbell--

-Terry.
-Terry, I--

I think you have something
on your mind.

I do. I was wondering
where we were going for lunch.

Lunch. Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm afraid that's impossible.
I have a very important lunch date.

Oh, and you can't break it?
Even for me?

-I just couldn't.
-Well, Darrin...

...how are you getting along with
the loveliest manager...

...ever to grace these offices?

-Fine, fine.
-Everything okay?

I think he's absolutely marvellous,
even if he won't take me to lunch.

Well, most of our clients feel that
Darrin-- Won't take you to lunch?

It's just that I have a very important
engagement I can't break.

Darrin, you must be sick...

...or you wouldn't even dream of
turning down this lovely young lady...

...even if she weren't the daughter
of our oldest and biggest account.

Sorry, it's just one of those things.

See you a minute, old man?

Certainly. Excuse me.

Be right back.

What do you mean, you can't break
your lunch date? Who's it with?

-Samantha.
-Your wife? You're putting me on.

Larry, it's a very important lunch.

What's so important
about lunch with your wife?

Well, it's the anniversary
of our first meeting.

Big deal. Bring her a box of candy.

-Larry, I promised.
-So what?

Now, take it from an older
and wiser hand.

It won't be the last promise you break.
You read me?

-Larry--
-Darrin, my boy, remember this:

At McMann & Tate,
no sacrifice is too great.

You lucky son of a gun.

Get on the horn and tell Sam
the lunch is off.

We've been through this before.
There's no sense threatening me.

Well, let's put it this way:

You take Miss Warbell to lunch
or you're fired.

Now I read you.

How do I look?

-Too good for him.
-Oh, Mother.

In just a little while,
Darrin and I will be reliving...

...one of our most
romantic moments.

Can't you try to be
a little happy for us?

All right. But it's very difficult
to change the habit of a lifetime, dear.

Excuse me.

Hello. Oh, hi, sweetheart.

Samantha, something's come up.

I'm afraid I won't be able
to make lunch.

Oh, sweetheart. Business, huh?

-What else?
-Oh, I don't know.

I thought maybe Miss Warbell
had swept you off your feet.

-Is that who you're having lunch with?
-That's right. Exactly.

We haven't finished
our business, see.

I see. Is she as pretty as that girl
I saw getting in the car this morning?

They're practically identical,
if you know what I mean.

You mean that's Miss Warbell?

-That's right.
-How'd she know where you live?

I'll explain that to you tonight
if I can.

Well, all right, sweetheart.
Bye-bye.

Well, what's the story?

-Darrin's taking a client to lunch.
-You mean that girl he drove off with?

Oh, Mother, it's business,
pure and simple.

Oh, don't talk to me
about being pure.

I saw that girl, and I'd like to know
what kind of business.

-Really.
-You're my daughter.

If that mortal means so much to you,
and I can't imagine why...

...but if he does,
you've got to do something.

-Like what?
-If I were you, I'd pop into that office...

...and I'd find out what was going on.

Well, you're not me.

You handle things your way,
and I'll handle things mine.

That's a good idea.

Oh, Mother,
that's not what I meant!

We should be back about 2:00.
Where would you like to have lunch?

Anywhere you say.

You still have a reservation
at La Bella Donna, if you'd like that.

Well, the service there
is awfully slow.

Sounds perfect.
That's where I'd like to go.

Well, Betty, then we'll be back
in an hour and a half or two hours.

Yes, Mr. Stephens. Oh, Miss Warbell,
I'm dying to ask you a question.

-What is it?
-Will boots be popular next year?

I'd say that all depends on
how Boots behaves herself this year.

-Well, shall we go? I'm starved.
-Yes.

I don't want to leave
without my notes.

I hate to rush you through lunch,
but I have a lot of notes to go through--

Oh, excuse me a minute.

Oh, there you are, Miss Warbell.

I'm Miss Krovistrod. I write
the fashion copy for Tate & McMann.

I've seen your picture
a million times.

I just want to get a little advance on
what you're planning for next season.

Are we through with those long skirts
the girls have been wearing?

I do hope so.
They're so dreary, don't you agree?

Why, yes. Yes, I do.

Then we can look forward
to hemlines being raised next season?

Oh, definitely. I think if a girl
has something, she should show it.

Now, I would like your opinion
about the new polyester fabrics.

Or don't you care for her designs?

I think Polly Esther
is as good as the next designer.

Oh, I'm glad you feel that way.
Thanks much.

This time I'm gonna keep these
in my hand.

-Abner! Aren't you ever gonna get up?
-What for?

-I wanna talk to you.
-Talk.

Well, how can you listen
when you're asleep?

Same way I listen when I'm awake.

Yes. Yes!

I don't know.

I-- I beg your pardon?

I seem to-- I don't know.
I think I'm lost.

Oh, well, don't let it bother you.
People your age often forget.

But I'm only 24.

What? Abner! Wake up! Wake up!

Abner, there's an old hag at the door,
and she says she's only 24!

I told you sooner or later
your mother would flip.

Can you imagine a fashion expert
not knowing about miniskirts...

...or boots or synthetic fabrics?

Well, she was probably being funny.
Don't you think?

No, phoney.
I tell you, that woman's a fake.

Mother, that's ridiculous.

I can't understand you, Samantha.

Your husband is with
who knows what kind of impostor...

...and you refuse to become alarmed.

That's right. Because Darrin would
never do anything to hurt me.

He's good and kind.

Then how is it that he took that woman
to your favourite restaurant?

You're making that up.

I tell you, I heard him say
he'd be at La Bella Donna.

Now, do you call that good and kind?

Yes. Good for nothing,
and kind of a rat.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Kravitz.

I have a visitor here
and I have a feeling...

...that she's your kind of people.

What do you mean by that?

Yes.

Yes?

Yes. Well, hold on just a moment.

-Mother!
-Yes, darling?

-Are you expecting anyone?
-No. Why?

It's Mrs. Kravitz.

There's a woman at her house,
apparently a very, very old woman...

...who claims she's only 24 years old.

Some women never give up hope.

-What's her name?
-What's her name?

-Do you know your name?
-Of course. Terry Warbell.

Terry Warbell!

I knew it. I knew there was
something wrong with that woman.

-Well, what is it? What's going on?
-I'll explain later.

Right now you better pop in next door,
get that woman over here...

...before Mrs. Loudmouth
finds out anything more.

-Hello, are you there, Mrs. Stephens?
-No, I'm here.

How could you? I--

Abner! Abner!
Abner, this you gotta see!

I was talking to her on the telephone
and she pops in here!

-Who?
-Who else? Mrs. Stephens. Look!

You'll say anything to get me up,
won't you?

Now, just calm yourself
and try to recall what happened.

It was this morning.
I was driving along in my car.

I saw this old woman.

She waved at me, and I stopped.

And then,
I don't know how it happened...

...but I was the old woman
and she was driving off in my car.

The only thing I can remember
is my age and my name.

Oh, there's no doubt about it.

There's no doubt about it.
She's the Crone of Cawdor.

-The Crone of Cawdor?
-Yes.

That does sound familiar.

Well, it should.
When you were a little girl...

...it was one of your favourite
bedtime stories.

Of course.
She was turned into a hag...

...and had to live all alone
on a mountain peak in Carpathia.

That's right.
And do you remember the rest of it?

Well, let's see.

When the earth turns once
Around the sun

Let the crone go forth
Till the day is done.

Another's form she'll take
And her form leave

From 6 in the morn
Till 6 in the eve.

And in this guise, if she can secure

A willing kiss from a mortal pure

To her will pass the mortal's youth

To him will pass her age, forsooth.

Oh, no. Darrin!

Oh, yes. And if he kisses her,
he'll be 500 years older.

But no wiser.

What's the matter, darling?

I thought you trusted
your husband implicitly.

Well, of course I trust him.
But not with a 500-year-old crone.

Especially not with a 500-year-old
crone who's gorgeous...

...and wants to be kissed.

Hello, Larry?

Do you happen to know where
Darrin is? I'm trying to find him.

Why, he's with one of our clients.

And I believe he said he was going
to their apartment...

...to finish their meeting.

You mean he isn't
with Miss Warbell anymore?

Oh, he told you about her?

Larry, whose apartment
has he gone to?

Sam, you have nothing to worry about.
Darrin is as steady as a rock.

Miss Warbell just wants to show him
some of her advertising budgets.

Will you please
just give me her address?

Sam, I know you won't believe this,
but it's the honest truth.

He hung up before I could get it.

Hello? Sam, are you all right?

Oh, yes. Yes, Larry, I'm fine.

Oh, Mother, what am I going to do?

If I don't get to Darrin in time,
he'll be 500 years old.

Oh, you know they say there
are certain advantages...

...to being married to an older man.

Stop being frightful
and think of something.

Oh, calm down, Samantha.

Right now we have to find out where
this reptile in women's clothes lives...

...and hope to get there in time
to keep Durwood kissless.

Wouldn't you be
more comfortable here?

I think I can concentrate better
standing up.

I can concentrate better
if you're sitting down.

Okay.

Can't we stop talking business
for a moment?

Well, I would like
to go over these details.

We've been meeting all day and you
haven't told me a thing about yourself.

If we're going to be working together,
there are things I'd like to know.

Now, tell me about yourself.

Well, what would you like to know?

What do you do for fun?

Oh, sports: Swimming, fishing,
mountain climbing.

Mountain climbing. That's very good.

Oh, you have
the most fascinating eyes.

Well, I was born with a slight cast
in the left. I had corrective surgery.

Isn't there something
you'd like to do?

Yes! I'd like
to finish going over these notes.

"And there is a possibility
that the Warbell Dress Company...

...may be interested
in some tax-loss purchases.

And toward that end,
I would appreciate...

...your giving us complete details
on sale price of your holdings...

...as well as a--"

What--? What happened
to Miss Kornblut?

It was time for her coffee break,
Mr. Warbell.

And she couldn't wait
to finish a letter?

I tell you, nothing's the same
since the union came in.

While we're stopped, could you please
give me Terry's address?

-I seem to have misplaced it.
-35 Rollins Place.

-Now can we go on?
-Yes, sir.

"As well as a certified copy
of all of your company's debts...

...including those owed to the
government for corporation taxes."

-You got that?
-Got what?

Why don't you people drink coffee
for a living and take work breaks?

Now, here's our big gun.

Warbell is an odd name.
You almost want to say "warbler."

Well, why not take advantage of it?

Now, what we had in mind
was a new dress.

We could call it
the Warbell Warbler.

Now, when we introduce the dress, all
the stores will take out full-page ads.

We'll pick up half
of the charges, of course--

A simple "l don't care for the idea"
would have been enough.

What sort of mortal man
are you anyway?

Is business the only thing
on your mind?

Doesn't it matter to you that you're
alone with a beautiful woman?

With a warm, vibrant woman
crying out for a little love?

Kiss me.

Terry, it's nothing
against you personally...

...it's just that I'm
a very happily married man.

I'm not asking you to run away with me,
I'm just asking you to kiss me.

-Yeah, but--
-Just one little kiss, please.

One can't do any harm.

-Oh, are you wrong.
-Sam, what are you doing here?

-Darrin, you better come with me.
-I will not!

I don't know how you found me,
but this is insulting!

-Talk about lack of trust!
-I trust you.

It's that-- That woman I don't trust.

I beg your pardon.

Sam, I think you owe Miss Warbell
an apology.

That woman is not Miss Warbell.

Then who is she?

-The what of what?
-The Crone of Cawdor.

That's the most ridiculous story
I've ever heard.

Only an insanely jealous woman
would make up something like that.

If this is your idea
of a joke, it's a bad one!

It's true. If you kiss her,
you'll be 500 years old.

Sam, you come up
with some real beauts.

Tell him. Go ahead.
Tell him what I'm saying is true.

I'll do nothing of the kind.

Pretend she's not here.
It'll teach her a lesson.

It might at that.
I think I will kiss you.

Any wife who spies on her husband
deserves not to be disappointed.

-What do you think of that?
-Be my guest.

-What happened?
-It's 6 in the eve.

-What happened?
-The clock struck 6...

...just as I was about to strike one.

-Will you tell me what happened?
-Over here.

-Sweetheart--
-I'm sick and tired of having you say...

...I make things up about
the Stephens.

So you're gonna take a look
at the old hag...

...and you're gonna ask her
how old she is.

And when she says she's only 24,
we'll see who's making things up.

-Oh, hi.
-Hello.

Hello, Mrs. Stephens. Excuse me,
I just wanna prove something to him.

Take a look.
Now ask her how old she is.

-How old are you?
-Twenty-four.

-Well, what have you got to say now?
-Let's go home.

Is that all?

When we get home,
I'll tell you a lot more.

Good night.

It's lucky that they
found you and brought you here.

It must be a simple case of amnesia,
don't you think?

I guess so.

I'm terribly sorry
about missing our appointment.

That's all right. After a good
night's rest, I'm sure you'll be fine.

-And can we meet tomorrow instead?
-Of course.

Good, because I'm dying
to hear your ideas.

My father says you're
a very bright young man.

Thank you. I don't know about bright,
but my wife helps me stay young.

He means our marriage
keeps him young.

Then I'll see you tomorrow about 10?

Okay. Why don't
I walk you out to the car?

-Good night, Miss Warbell.
-Good night, Mrs. Stephens.

Excuse me.

Do you want
a word of advice, Samantha?

Not really.

Well, I'm going to give it
to you anyway.

That girl is not to be trusted.

You don't mean to say
that she's an impostor?

No, she's the real thing.

-Oh, is she real.
-That's why I wouldn't trust her.

Now, if I were you,
tomorrow morning...

...I'd make some excuse to pop into
that office, and I'd just make sure that--

Honey, you are the greatest.

Any other wife would've flipped
over the treatment you got today.

Well, for future reference,
I wasn't too far from flipping.

You pitched in and rustled up
this dinner. And you know something?

This lasagne is every bit
as good as La Bella Donna's.

Well, it should be.
I had it sent from La Bella Donna.

More Chianti?

-Courtesy of La Bella Donna?
-Everything is from La Bella Donna.

Oh, except this:

Happy anniversary, darling,
of our first meeting.

I'll kiss to that.

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