All language subtitles for 26 - Driving is the Only Way to Fly

He swings and misses for strik e three,
and there are two away...

...here in the sixth inning,
the bags loaded with Redlegs.

- I'm ready.
- Ready for what?

My first driving lesson.

Honey, the Sox are loaded in
the bottom of the sixth inning.

But I thought you were so anxious...

He's bringing in the left-hander.
It's going to be the old...

- Okay, you can talk now.
- Thank you.

I thought you were so anxious
to teach me.

I am. I mean, I was until I found out
they were gonna televise the game.

I'd be willing
to forget the whole thing.

After all, why should I learn how
to drive when I know how to fly?

We've been through all this.
You should learn to drive...

...because the way you fly
is for the birds.

Look at it this way:
I get where I wanna go faster...

...I save money on gas and oil
and I always find a parking space.

You should learn how to drive...

...because a normal wife
uses normal transportation.

It's part of the American dream.

All right. All right, you win.
But teach me now...

...so I can start dinner early.
- As soon as the game is over.

Watching baseball on Sunday afternoon
is part of the American dream too.

Okay, fans, we're set
for more live action...

...here at Cincinnati's
historic Crosley Field.

Now the crafty left-hander
gets the sign. And then...

I can't believe it. It's raining.

It's pouring down
in the proverbial buck ets.

Oh, look at this. I can't believe it.
Look at that massive...

They'll cancel and reschedule.

- Okay, I'll teach you how to drive.
- Yes, sir.

Okay, honey, you sit
in the driver's seat.

You comfortable? Relaxed?

Yes and no.

- Clarification.
- I'm comfortable, but I'm nervous.

I'll relax you with a kiss.

Now, we proceed as follows:

Put your left hand on the wheel...

...and with your right hand
go like this:

What's that for?

That's the classic gesture without which
no woman driver can learn to drive.

After you become more advanced,
I'll teach you...

- Newfangled gadgets?
- Well, they're new to me.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Well, we'll start here.

This is the gear selector.

P is for Park. R, Reverse.

N, Neutral. D, Drive. L, Low.
You try it.

P for Park. R for reverse.
N, Neutral. D, Drive. L for Low.

- We'll start with Neutral.
- Did I get them all right?

- Yes.
- I bet you thought I wouldn't...

...because I'm so nervous.
- May I continue?

- Neutral is...
- Please do, I'm sorry I interrupted.

- Neutral is...
- It won't happen again.

Neutral is where you place the lever
when you wanna start the car.

How come it isn't called S or SC?

I don't know.
Next, you to go to Drive.

Drive is where you put the lever
when you wanna go forward.

- In that case, why don't they call it F?
- Because they don't.

Darrin, that's no answer. If you want
me to understand, you have to explain.

Excuse me. I don't know
why they don't call it F.

- That's better.
- Low is infrequently used...

...so we'll table that
for later discussion.

We'll go directly to Reverse.
Can you guess what Reverse is for?

- For reversing lanes in traffic.
- Wrong. For going backward.

Backward should be B.
These initials are illogical.

Having mastered the gear positions,
here's the ignition key.

They call it ignition
because it ignites the engine.

The engine ignites?
Isn't that dangerous?

I'm beginning to lose patience. If you
challenge every statement I make...

...this driving lesson could take a year.
Therefore, please keep quiet.

Now, put the key in the ignition.

Put the lever in Neutral.

Turn the key to the right
to start the car.

Take off the brake.
Put the lever in Reverse.

Put your right foot on the accelerator
and back out of the driveway.

- Just like that?
- Just like that.

Backing out of the driveway is hard.
Why don't you turn the car around...

...and let me front out.
- No.

- Why not?
- I don't feel like it.

I see. You feel like being mean.

Sam, I'm not being mean,
I'm merely...

Yes, you are.
You're being high-handed and rude...

...and you even told me to shut up.
- I did not, I told you to keep quiet.

- It's the same thing.
- It is not.

It is too. Your entire attitude
is unsympathetic...

...and proves beyond a shadow of a
doubt you don't love me and never did.

- Sam...
- Don't you touch me.

The lesson is over,
and I am going into the H for house.

It's incredible. The playing field
here in Cincinnati...

...is in danger of being washed away
by a flash flood.

In all the years I've been broadcasting,
I've never seen...

Oh, hold everything!
It stopped raining.

Crosley Field is saved,
as if by magic.

I do believe the umpires
will be out here in just a moment...

...to tak e a look at this field...

Hello, sweetheart.
This is your husband, D.

- D for dearest or D for darling?
- D for dumb.

I'm sorry I yelled at you
in the car yesterday.

You apologised already, remember?

Yeah, I remember.
Anyway, I called a driving school...

...and made a tentative appointment
for you at 11:00.

If that's all right with you,
I'll confirm it.

You sure you want me to do this?

By all means.
And don't be nervous, sweetheart...

...this time you'll be in the hands
of a professional.

- I'm sure everything will be fine.
- All right, darling. Whatever you say.

Bye.

Reliable Driving School.

Oh, yes, Mr. Stephens, yeah.

You understand it's 10 bucks a lesson,
including home pickup and delivery?

Yes, I remember.
I just called to verify...

...Mrs. Stephens' 11:00 appointment.
- Fine.

Eleven this morning will be fine.
Let me have that address, please.

It's 1164 Morning Glory Circle.

Fine. Well, thank you, Mr. Stephens.

I'll send Mrs. Stephens one of the best
instructors in the business. Thank you.

Harold, you bum, come here.

Yes, Basil?

Due to the condition that my competent
instructors are booked solid...

...I'm gonna give you one last chance
to redeem yourself.

Oh, I can't tell you how grateful I am.
Sincerely...

All right, now, don't grovel.
If you weren't my wife's brother...

...I wouldn't give you nothing.
- Oh, I'm not unmindful of that, Basil.

As you know,
I got three other married sisters.

But you're the only
brother-in-law...

...that I feel any sense
of communication with.

Yeah, because their suits
don't fit you.

It's a nice fit, thank you.

That's what I mean, you are basically
a good human being.

Has Sheila ever talked to you
about what it was like...

...when we were kids
at home with Mom?

Sheila talks all the time,
I don't listen.

It was a world of Little Women.

Four sisters, Mother
and Aunt Adelaide.

No wonder Dad reported himself
missing in action...

...during the last unpleasantness.
I mean, it was just so much.

Wait a minute. Hold it, hold it!

I don't know how Sheila
talked me into this.

You're too nervous for this kind of work.
But you are the only thing I've got...

...so you are gonna teach a Mrs...

...Savannah Stephens
how to operate a motor automobile.

And you are gonna teach her good.

And if you fail, our mutual relative
irregardless and notwithstanding...

...you are fired!

And stop eating cookies
when I'm giving you an assignment!

- Basil, this isn't a cookie.
- No, what is it?

A tranquilliser.

I need such a big one, the doctor
prescribes it in the form of a wafer.

- I'm Reliable.
- That's good.

My name's Samantha Stephens.

Aren't you gonna tell me yours?

- Harold Harold here.
- Hello, hello there.

I'm sorry, but it is
rather an unusual name.

By the time Mother named my sisters,
she was exhausted.

Well, I see.

Would you like to join me
in a cup of coffee?

Do you think we can both fit?

I always like to open with a joke
to break the tension.

Good idea.

- Won't you have a seat?
- Yes.

How do you take it?

Black. One third of a cup.

- Why only one third?
- To protect the carpet.

- Here.
- Thank you.

- I see what you mean. Cookie?
- Oh, l... No, thanks, I brought my own.

Mr. Harold?

How long have you been
an instructor?

Three gruelling weeks.

What did you do before that?

Well, last month I was a cashier
in a pizza parlour.

And the month before,
I was an apprentice plumber.

And the month before that...

...I was a cheap shoe salesman.

Four jobs in four months?

I have four brothers-in-law
who take turns hiring and firing me.

It's a vicious circle. And that's why
I tend to be insecure.

- Hello?
- Hi, honey.

I'm calling to find out
if your teacher showed up.

- Oh, yes, he's here.
- He is? What's he like?

Well, I'd say he's a man
of considerable experience.

As long as I know you're in good
hands, I won't keep you. Happy driving.

Thank you, darling. Bye.

That was my husband.
He called to wish me good luck.

We'll need it.

- Well, shall we go?
- I guess.

- Do I get in here?
- Oh, no.

You get in on the driver's side,
Mrs. Stephens.

Some students take one look at me
and refuse to get in the car.

- Not me. I like you.
- They worry about accidents.

I've always felt I have
what they call a charmed life.

Oh, good.

Thanks.

Ready?

- Ready.
- Oh, dear.

N is for Neutral,
where you place lever to start car.

It is. You'd think they'd call it
S or SC.

Turn ignition key to ignite car.

- Ignite car?
- That's right.

D for forward.

You're too far to the left.

Too far to the right!

- Now you're too far in the middle.
- How can I be too far in the middle?

By straddling the white line.

- What white line?
- Well, get over.

Now you're too far right again!

Please don't, Harold,
you're making me nervous.

I make you nervous?
Mrs. Stephens, you make me nervous.

- And I was nervous first.
- That's true. I apologise.

Thank you. At the next intersection,
slow down...

...execute the appropriate
hand signal and turn right.

Stop! I said, stop!

I told you to turn right.

Well, it was one way, the wrong way.

Touch�. However, you should've gone
straight ahead...

...because this is a business district
with actual traffic. So back up.

- There's a car behind us.
- Well, signal it to pass.

Oh, all right, plunge onward.

Selfish! Selfish!

Good morning.

- He ordered you to halt.
- He did?

I thought he was saying hello.

- That's all Basil has to see, a ticket.
- Who's Basil?

Mrs. Stephens, don't talk, drive.

How am I doing?

How to phrase it tactfully?
You are rotten.

Be careful, there's a moving van
up ahead!

- What happened?
- Everything's fine.

- We're going the other way.
- Well, I'll make a U-turn.

No. Don't. Not here. There's no room.

- You did it.
- This is a lot harder than flying.

You fly? And you don't know
how to drive?

- Well...
- Stop. I can't stand another minute.

All right.

All right, I'll park.

- Where?
- Here.

- Why, there's barely room for a bicycle.
- We're fine, Mr. Harold.

- There's nothing to be nervous about.
- Who's nervous?

P for Park.

- How did you do that?
- She's a witch.

- Who said that?
- Who said what?

- I heard a voice from the back seat.
- Maybe it's another witch.

- The back seat is empty.
- It is?

Look again.

I hear a voice,
but I don't see a body.

Mother, will you please
stop playing games.

Will you please behave yourself.

- Are you talking to me?
- No...

...to me.

Mother, you're embarrassing me
and confusing Mr. Harold.

You're a ventriloquist, right?

- Not exactly.
- Oh, Samantha, you can fly.

Why on earth do you bother
with this ridiculous contraption?

Mr. Harold, please don't go,
just ignore her.

Ignore whom?

- Well...
- Say no more, Mrs. Stephens.

I knew it was coming.
I finally cracked. I'll turn myself in.

- What should we do with the car?
- Burn it.

Sheila. Aunt Adelaide. Mom!

- Mother, you put that back.
- Must I?

It's Mr. Harold's car.

He is high-strung, isn't he?

You should be ashamed. You got
that poor dear man talking to himself.

I know. And I'm sure
it's a fascinating conversation.

- Darrin, it was all my fault.
- Sweetheart, you were doing your best.

But Mother was in
one of her prankish moods.

- You mean your mother was there too?
- Well, she was and she wasn't.

After I drove into the moving van and
parked the car and made the U-turn...

...Mother got a case of the cutes.
- What's that mean, exactly?

You know.
She kept popping in and out.

- Oh, boy, that poor guy.
- That's what I mean.

I'd hate to think he'd lost his job
because of me.

- So do you mind coming with me?
- Where?

- To Reliable. I'll drive.
- No thanks.

I'll drive.

Yeah, tell him that I've been
paying the same rent for nine years...

...and that's as high
as I'm gonna go.

Greetings, folks. Excuse the cramped
quarters, but it's only temporary.

We're Mr. And Mrs. Stephens.
We brought back your car.

- Oh, thanks.
- You're welcome.

Is instructor Harold here?

Former instructor Harold
is in the back, cleaning out his desk.

Excuse me.
Reliable Driving School.

Yes, Miss Anderson,
could I have that address?

Certainly. We've been serving
the community for years.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Have a wafer, Mr. Harold.

- This is my husband, Mr. Stephens.
- Hi.

Hi.

- There's something I have to tell you.
- Peachy.

Don't ask me to go into detail,
it's kind of complicated...

...but that voice you heard in the car
was Mrs. Stephen's mother. She's...

Well, sometimes I can't
see her myself.

- And he's her son-in-law.
- Big deal.

It is. It proves that although
there's plenty wrong with her...

...there's nothing wrong with you.
- Why not let bygones be bygones...

...and continue my driving lessons.
- Sorry.

I'm hanging up my helmet.

I'm gonna seek my livelihood in a field
that offers a little more human dignity.

- Like what?
- I don't know.

Maybe begging for pennies
on skid row.

Why, Mr. Harold, you can't quit
just because one of minor disaster.

- I can't?
- You can't keep going from job to job...

...or you'll tend to be
insecure forever.

You have to stick to your wheel
and see it through. Right?

- Right.
- Wrong.

Thanks, kids, for your interest,
but you don't understand.

I'm not quitting.

I was fired, for a change.

Mrs. Stevenson,
as a special concession...

...I'm going to teach you
to drive myself.

No, thank you.
I'd rather be taught by Mr. Harold.

Mr. Harold is no longer in the firm.
He deserted while on duty...

...and abandoned his vehicle
at the mercy of a rank beginner.

She didn't move that car one inch
after Mr. Harold left.

She called me at my office,
I came right over and...

That ain't the point!
Mr. Harold wasn't only fired for that.

As a driving instructor in general,
he stinks.

That's not true, he's excellent.
And if you don't hire him back, I'II...

I'll take my husband's money
someplace else.

Okay, okay. You found
my Achilles heel.

You're back in the organisation...

...on a trial probation.

On behalf of myself and my sisters...

What I mean is, there are times
when mere words aren't enough.

Thank you.

Don't worry if I'm not here
when you get home.

- I have a lesson this afternoon.
- A lesson?

Yes, my basket-weaving.

Basket-weaving? You didn't
tell me anything about that.

I found the most wonderful class where
they teach you to how to weave things.

Baskets, carpets, all sort of things.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Good morning, Mr. Stephens.
- Hi.

Just popped by. My student's
waiting at the curb...

...champing at the bit, you might say.
What time's class?

- Five-thirty. Will you be there?
- I wouldn't miss it. Bye, all.

- Well, well.
- What was that all about?

I told Harold about my basket-weaving
class. It's done wonders for him.

He's given up wafers,
he stands up to his brother-in-law.

There's even talk
of making him a partner.

- What time did you say that class was?
- Five-thirty, why?

I'll see you there.

Good.