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1
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,449
More coffee, sweetheart?
2
00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:07,639
No, thanks. I'll just
finish this and get going.
3
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:12,189
Sam, how come you haven't
said a word about my tie?
4
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:15,325
I was looking for
just the right word.
5
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,460
You don't like it.
I didn't say that.
6
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:18,695
You do like it?
7
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,463
I didn't say that either.
8
00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:23,867
Well, I like it. You gotta keep
up with the times, you know.
9
00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:26,636
Oh, did you finish the jingle
10
00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:29,339
for Colonel Bringham's
Succulent Spareribs?
11
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:32,942
Yeah. I got two pretty good
ones here, if I say so myself.
12
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,044
I just can't make up my mind.
13
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:36,968
What mind?
14
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,183
Well, well, well.
15
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,751
If it isn't the author of:
16
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,720
How to Be a Shrewish
Mother-In-Law.
17
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:46,123
Darrin. This is a
perfect illustration
18
00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,758
of why Durwood
remains on his treadmill.
19
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:53,196
A man who can't make up
his mind never will succeed.
20
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,799
Endora, that criticism
is unfair, unworthy and...
21
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:58,257
Uninvited.
22
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,671
And to show you
how wrong you are,
23
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:04,629
I have just made up my
mind to take my leave.
24
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:08,033
What this house
needs is a keeper.
25
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,584
Mother. Oh, Mother.
26
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:17,187
You are so exasperatingly
unfair to Darrin.
27
00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:20,323
And once, just once,
when you come to visit,
28
00:01:20,347 --> 00:01:22,748
I wish you'd leave
your fangs at home.
29
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:30,133
I'll have Adam
dressed in a minute.
30
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:32,435
You can play with him, okay?
31
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:34,692
I'd be delighted.
32
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:43,046
When, oh, when will you ever
learn that mother knows best?
33
00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:45,949
And what mother knows best
34
00:01:45,973 --> 00:01:49,007
is how to prove she's right.
35
00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:01,564
Indecision now Will be your fate
36
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:05,168
In matters small
And matters great
37
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:08,238
A plague of ifs
And ands and buts
38
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,129
Will now descend
And drive you nuts
39
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,167
Hi, dumbo.
40
00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:19,683
Are you out of your tree?
41
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:23,052
What are you
doing there? Get off.
42
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,821
Unless you'd rather stay.
43
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,990
On second thought, get off.
44
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:30,861
Personally, I think I make a
rather dashing hood ornament.
45
00:02:30,885 --> 00:02:33,185
But how would you know?
46
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:46,442
Oh, Mr. Stephens! Mr. Stephens!
47
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,077
I have something
to discuss with you.
48
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:49,146
Can you spare a minute?
49
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:50,813
Of course.
50
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,182
But not really.
51
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,783
Well, which?
52
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:57,621
Well, actually, I should
be getting to the office,
53
00:02:57,645 --> 00:03:00,022
but on the other hand...
54
00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:02,025
What is it you want to
tell me, Mrs. Kravitz?
55
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,961
Well, it's about the trash
cans in the neighborhood.
56
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:08,532
Have you noticed how
terrible they look on trash day?
57
00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:11,768
I'm trying to get everybody
to replace or paint them.
58
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:14,704
Hey... Wow, look at
the time. I've got to rush.
59
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,406
Oh-oh, but... But
I still don't know
60
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,873
whether you're
for or against it.
61
00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:19,475
Can't you just spare
another minute?
62
00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:21,945
Of course. Take your time.
63
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,135
I'm in no hurry whatsoever.
64
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:26,649
You know, Mr. Stephens,
65
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:30,709
someday your sarcasm
is gonna get you in trouble.
66
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,713
Mother? Mother? Hm.
67
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:32,682
Oh, dear.
68
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:35,285
Sweetheart, will you take him
outside on the patio and play
69
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:36,953
Okay. While I
answer this? Scoot.
70
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:39,211
Come on, Adam. I'll
show you how to skip rope.
71
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,963
Oh, hi, Mrs. Kravitz.
Well, what can I do for you?
72
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,399
Ask not what you can do for me.
73
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:51,601
Ask what you can do
for your neighborhood.
74
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:54,570
Okay. What can I do
for my neighborhood?
75
00:04:54,594 --> 00:04:57,807
It's about cleaning up the
trash cans in the neighborhood.
76
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,209
Well, that's a good idea.
77
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:02,145
Well, I discussed this with
your husband as he was leaving,
78
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,281
but I just couldn't get
anywhere with him.
79
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:05,581
Didn't Darrin agree?
80
00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:07,816
Well, I... I really
couldn't tell.
81
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:11,754
He acted so
strange, like he was...
82
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:13,289
Uh, I don't know, in a daze,
83
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,458
the way he kept
changing his mind and...
84
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,127
Changing his mind?
85
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:19,762
Maybe he ought to see
a doctor or something.
86
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:24,000
"Or something" is probably
a better suggestion.
87
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,836
Uh, Mrs. Kravitz,
will you excuse me?
88
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:29,005
I have an urgent matter
I have to take care of.
89
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,708
Well, what if we paint the
trash cans the same color?
90
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,209
Well, that's fine with me.
91
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,000
Well, would you
prefer yellow or...?
92
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:45,121
Mother, I-I'm not
accusing. I-I'm just asking.
93
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:48,613
Did you put a hex on
Darrin this morning?
94
00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:53,618
Ooh!
95
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,200
"Hex, no."
96
00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:59,735
Mother, that pun
is not only sick,
97
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:01,059
it is beyond help.
98
00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:04,173
Tabitha, behave yourself.
99
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,308
Come on, Adam.
100
00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:07,076
Give me back my
jump rope. Adam, will...?
101
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,200
Will you give Tabitha
back her jump rope?
102
00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:13,104
Oh, Mother, I'll... I'll
take care of you later.
103
00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:16,685
Darrin, I love
these jingles you did
104
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,388
for Colonel
Bringham's Spareribs.
105
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,456
Which one do you
think we ought to pitch?
106
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,493
Well, the one I really like is
the "Pop Goes the Weasel."
107
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,150
But the other is very
effective too, because...
108
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,265
I-I really can't
make up my mind.
109
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,468
Colonel Bringham's going
to be here in half an hour,
110
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,835
so let's come to a decision.
111
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:34,704
Of... Of course, till
we actually meet him,
112
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,205
we'll have to do
some blind flying,
113
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,239
but personally, I like
114
00:06:37,263 --> 00:06:38,874
"The Little Piggy
Goes to Market."
115
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:42,044
It's appropriate for the
product and it's nice and safe.
116
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,646
Don't you agree? Absolutely.
117
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:46,082
Good. But not necessarily.
118
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:47,183
What?
119
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,585
Well, I mean, I think
it's a good approach,
120
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,755
but on the other hand, is it?
121
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,656
What do you mean?
122
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,158
Maybe it's a bad approach.
123
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:57,327
Darrin, don't fall apart
124
00:06:57,351 --> 00:07:00,230
just when we're about to
close in on this account.
125
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,253
You know, your trouble
is you worry too much.
126
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:06,903
New tie, huh?
127
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,872
Right.
128
00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,673
It's a little
overboard, isn't it?
129
00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:11,841
It's okay with me.
130
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,309
Yes, but is it
appropriate to wear
131
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,511
when you're about to meet
a conservative gentleman
132
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:16,546
of the old South?
133
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,915
A thing like this can
be very damaging.
134
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,584
He might not say anything,
but he'll make a mental note:
135
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,719
"This man is not to be trusted."
136
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:26,790
Because of your
tie? That's ridiculous.
137
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:29,247
You're right. That's ridiculous.
138
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,394
Excuse me.
139
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:32,595
Where are you going?
140
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,252
Out to buy another tie.
141
00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:42,405
Oh, hi... Hi, Betty. May
I speak to him, please?
142
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:45,241
Oh, hi, Miss Stephens.
He went out to buy a tie.
143
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:47,610
He did? Well, that's funny.
144
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,646
He was wearing a
brand-new tie when he left.
145
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:52,615
Yeah, I know. I don't
know what got into him.
146
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,951
I'm afraid I do.
147
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,119
Pardon?
148
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,753
Oh, uh, no... Nothing.
149
00:07:57,777 --> 00:07:59,922
Uh, maybe I'll just come
upstairs and wait for him.
150
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,324
Oh, are you in the building?
151
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:04,093
Uh, no. But I'm not far away.
152
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,783
Thanks, Betty. Bye-bye.
153
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:08,419
Aunt Hagatha?
154
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,059
Aunt Hagatha?
155
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:20,043
Samantha. Oh, I wish
you wouldn't do that.
156
00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:23,979
I was getting 40 winks
and I was only up to 35.
157
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:25,981
Oh, well, I-I'm terribly
sorry, Aunt Hagatha,
158
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,051
but it's an emergency.
159
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,420
Mother's been interfering
again, so she's hiding out.
160
00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:32,188
Now, I have to pop
down to Darrin's office
161
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,523
and check on something.
162
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,824
Adam's taking his nap.
Tabitha's playing in her room.
163
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:37,515
And I owe you five winks.
164
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,017
Ooh...
165
00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:53,831
Good afternoon.
166
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:58,681
This account man of
yours better be pretty good.
167
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,083
I'm not used to waiting around
for people that work for me.
168
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,519
Neither am I.
169
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,556
I can't get over the fact that
you are not from the South.
170
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:07,923
I wish you'd try
and get over it.
171
00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:09,525
Everybody makes
the same mistake.
172
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,762
Frankly, it doesn't amuse me.
173
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:16,966
I suppose it's the combination
of "colonel" and "spareribs."
174
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,101
All those Kentucky
colonels, you know.
175
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,804
I'm a colonel.
U.S. Army, retired.
176
00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:23,072
Oh?
177
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,940
I find that fascinating.
178
00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:26,776
I find it a bore.
179
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,579
So is waiting around
for this genius of yours.
180
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:32,081
I'm sure something must
have happened to him.
181
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:34,839
And for his sake, I hope so.
182
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,158
I don't really understand it.
183
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,560
It's not like Darrin to
be late for a meeting.
184
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,928
Yeah, I know.
185
00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:48,886
The colonel's here
and Mr. Tate is livid.
186
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,736
Sam, what are you doing here?
187
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,839
Sweetheart, I have to talk
to you about something.
188
00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:59,308
Mr. Stephens,
the colonel is here
189
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,611
and Mr. Tate is pretty upset.
190
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,413
Oh, has he been asking for me?
191
00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:05,347
Not asking. Yelling.
192
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:07,584
You're to get your
material and go right in.
193
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,440
Okay. Come on, Sam.
194
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,023
Is something
wrong? Yes, with you.
195
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,659
I think Mother might have...
196
00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:19,729
I thought you went
shopping for a new tie.
197
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:20,730
I did.
198
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,331
But the salesman confused me
199
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,900
by showing me every tie
he had, so I finally gave up.
200
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:27,236
What was wrong with
the one you were wearing?
201
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,371
I thought it might
be a little too daring
202
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,240
for a conservative
man like the colonel.
203
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,176
That doesn't make any sense.
204
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,833
Oh, yes, it does.
205
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:39,982
But not too much.
But on the other hand,
206
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:41,184
you can't overlook anything
207
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,752
when you're
dealing with a client,
208
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,787
no matter how foolish it seems.
209
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:47,489
And it seems this
was pretty foolish,
210
00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:48,891
so why did I do it?
211
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:50,526
Oh...
212
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:56,132
Oh... Oh, Darrin, I was
right. You are not well.
213
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,968
Darrin, would you
please get your...?
214
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:03,806
Oh, hi, Sam. Would
you care to join us?
215
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,808
No. What?
216
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:08,244
I mean, yes. And no.
217
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:12,348
What... What he means is we
we're in the middle of a discussion.
218
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,516
So were the colonel and I,
219
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:15,617
and it was about whether
220
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:18,387
you're going to be
working here tomorrow.
221
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,944
Excuse us.
222
00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:30,332
All right, Mother.
223
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:32,635
I have had it with
your interference.
224
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:34,003
If the New York Jets had it,
225
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,193
they could probably
win the championship.
226
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,780
"Enjoyed your pun.
227
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:46,482
"I'm trifling with the
maharajah of Janipur
228
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:49,151
and haven't time
to trifle with you."
229
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:50,742
Oh...
230
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,262
"P.S. Notify the Jets
231
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:03,632
I won't be available
until 5:00 this afternoon."
232
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:04,656
Ah!
233
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:08,859
Good grief, Mother,
you're driving me crazy.
234
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,379
South Philadelphia?
235
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,781
It seems everyone makes
the same mistake, Darrin,
236
00:12:18,805 --> 00:12:21,483
so let's not bore the
colonel. Just go on.
237
00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:23,386
Uh, right.
238
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,089
Uh, this is the layout
for the campaign.
239
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:30,326
And the jingle is based
on "Pop Goes the Weasel."
240
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,328
Now, naturally,
I'm not a singer,
241
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,597
but I'll do my best.
242
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:38,667
Uh, not that I can't sing.
I can. But not very well.
243
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,558
Darrin, get on with it.
244
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:44,272
♪ For succulent ribs
That beat the best ♪
245
00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:46,375
♪ You've got to try
Colonel Bringham ♪
246
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:48,344
♪ They're best by
taste And best by test ♪
247
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,079
♪ Oh, how you'll dig 'em ♪
248
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,247
♪ So stop by the colonel's
For a bucket of ribs ♪
249
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:54,383
♪ Give a day off to mommy ♪
250
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,285
♪ You'll love them
And we never tell fibs ♪
251
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,676
♪ "Yum," goes your tummy ♪
252
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,925
"'Yum, ' goes your tummy"?
253
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,993
Of course, that line
can be changed.
254
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:07,563
Or any of the lines.
Or even the melody.
255
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,198
No. Why? It's catchy.
256
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,200
Exactly. Darrin,
don't change a thing.
257
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:14,770
Naturally, with an orchestra,
it'll be even more effective.
258
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,427
Right, Darrin? Right.
259
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:18,874
At least I hope so.
260
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:21,377
You, uh, seem to
have some reservations.
261
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:25,013
No, no, no. I was just thinking
about the other idea I had.
262
00:13:25,037 --> 00:13:27,150
In some ways, it was even cuter.
263
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,684
It's based on, uh,
264
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,686
"This Little Piggy
Went to Market."
265
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,989
The game you play
with a baby's toes.
266
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,056
Hm.
267
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,993
Toes, spareribs?
Bad image, forget it.
268
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:38,727
Would you let him go on?
269
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:40,429
Do you really like this idea?
270
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:43,132
How do I know? I
haven't heard it yet.
271
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,501
Well, now, Larry's right.
272
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:48,059
Uh, I think we should go
with, "'Yum, ' goes your tummy."
273
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:50,773
I don't.
274
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,274
But I thought you
said you liked it.
275
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,043
I did, but if he's got
any doubts about it,
276
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,410
that's enough to kill it for me.
277
00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:57,213
Well, then let me
finish telling you about
278
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:58,781
"This Little Piggy
Goes to Market."
279
00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:01,851
No, no, no. I'm sorry. I
can't wait around here
280
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,819
When you make up your
mind what you're sold on,
281
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,054
then you can sell me.
282
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,056
Colonel, would you wait
just a moment, please?
283
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,257
I want to make arrangements
284
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,059
to pick you up
for dinner tonight.
285
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,249
Be right back.
286
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,065
Congratulations.
287
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,367
That was one of the most
beautiful pieces of sabotage
288
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:19,802
I've ever witnessed.
289
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:22,638
Oh, yeah? Well, let
me tell you something...
290
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,807
I really made a
mess of it, didn't I?
291
00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:27,276
Darrin, you're not well.
292
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:31,047
Uh, Larry, if you don't
mind, I'd better go right home.
293
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:33,683
Mind? That's the best
idea you've had today.
294
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,451
Or should I stay?
295
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:36,719
Let me help you.
296
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,121
Go home. That's an order.
297
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:42,225
Uh, yes, sir. On
the other hand...
298
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,059
Darrin, I'll try to
talk the colonel
299
00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:46,128
into coming over a
little earlier tonight.
300
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:47,697
So you better come
up with something
301
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,998
to replace the idea
you just shot down.
302
00:14:50,022 --> 00:14:51,900
I'll do my best.
303
00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:55,159
I just saw your best.
You'll have to do better.
304
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,232
Sam.
305
00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:07,049
I had a feeling
you'd be home early.
306
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,618
I would have been
home a lot earlier,
307
00:15:08,642 --> 00:15:09,818
but I couldn't decide
308
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,987
whether to take the
tunnel or the bridge.
309
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:14,156
And I finally decided
on the bridge,
310
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:16,091
then I couldn't
decide which bridge.
311
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:18,160
I've been driving
around for hours.
312
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:19,662
On top of everything else,
313
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,664
Larry is bringing
the client over early.
314
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,332
Sam, do something!
315
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:26,702
I-I've been trying to
reach Mother all afternoon.
316
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,905
Now, please, just calm down.
317
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,439
I'm calm, I'm calm.
318
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:33,142
For a man who's
upset, I am very calm.
319
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:34,332
I'm also very upset.
320
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,080
Mother.
321
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,448
Mother?
322
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,483
I... I... I'm gonna
count to three
323
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:45,454
and I want you to
show up at once, or else.
324
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:48,146
One, two, three.
325
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:54,696
Four? Five.
326
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,698
Or else what?
327
00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:59,501
Mother, I want you to
take that spell off Darrin
328
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:01,771
and don't deny that
you put one on him.
329
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:02,993
Who's denying?
330
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,174
Endora, no offense,
331
00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:09,678
but the more I see you,
the more I like you less.
332
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:13,849
But on the other hand, you
do have a warm spot for me.
333
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:14,983
Right?
334
00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:16,552
That's true.
335
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,253
And I wish you'd
go there right now.
336
00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:19,387
I'd be delighted.
337
00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:21,657
Mother, don't you dare leave
338
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,659
until you have taken
that spell off Darrin.
339
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:26,963
Samantha, are you ordering me?
340
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:33,902
No. I'm just suggesting...
very strongly.
341
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:37,828
Very well. I guess
I've had my fun.
342
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:42,878
Spell's off. There you
are. No harm done.
343
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:46,615
No harm done? How would
you like a necklace of fingers?
344
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:47,716
Oh, careful, sweetheart.
345
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,585
Don't stop him, Samantha.
346
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:52,154
When he's angry and
his eyes flash like that,
347
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:58,961
it transforms him from a dull
clod into an angry dull clod.
348
00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:01,163
Same to you, fella.
349
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,765
What was that?
350
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:07,469
Mother, what do you expect
him to do, lie down like a lamb?
351
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,805
Especially when you're
so wrong about him.
352
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,774
He is not indecisive.
353
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,876
He has no trouble
making up his mind.
354
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,478
And when he does,
he rarely changes it.
355
00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:18,480
You mean he's pigheaded.
356
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:21,450
I didn't say that.
357
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:23,707
Well, I did.
358
00:17:27,012 --> 00:17:28,012
Oh!
359
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:36,265
Oh... Oh, Mother,
that's... That's...
360
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:38,022
A definite improvement.
361
00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:43,505
Uh, you're right, sweetheart.
362
00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:46,275
That is absolutely
the lowest thing
363
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:47,910
Mother has ever done.
364
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:51,269
No, it isn't. This is.
365
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:56,151
Where is he?
366
00:17:56,175 --> 00:18:00,489
Outside, where the entire world
can see how pigheaded he is.
367
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:02,591
Outside? You didn't
do anything outrageous
368
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,493
like put him on the front lawn?
369
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:07,095
What kind of a fool
do you take me for?
370
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,520
I put him on the roof.
371
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,223
Oh, my stars.
372
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,634
Ooh!
373
00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:27,382
Darrin, don't you call my
mother names like that.
374
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:29,107
It might make matters worse.
375
00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,889
That's true. How could they be?
376
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:35,673
I'll get you down in a
moment, sweetheart.
377
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,585
Oh, my stars.
378
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:46,034
Stephens is one of
those erratic geniuses.
379
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,436
They're peculiar, but
the end product is...
380
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,760
What's the matter?
381
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,844
Hi, Larry.
382
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:59,915
Sam, what's...? What's that?
383
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:01,584
It's Darrin.
384
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:03,219
Uh, you must be
Colonel Bringham.
385
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,654
Uh, how do you do? I...
I'm Samantha Stephens.
386
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:08,557
You are? I mean, how do you do?
387
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:11,727
I-I suppose you're wondering
what that is all about.
388
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,229
Wondering isn't quite the word.
389
00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:18,433
Well, it's Darrin's idea
for a revolving sign
390
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:20,925
to go over all your
restaurants, colonel.
391
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:25,796
All... All right,
sweetheart. Revolve.
392
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:40,855
Well, uh, actually, that...
393
00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:43,125
That is just part of
the whole campaign
394
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:45,027
that Darrin has
devised for you, colonel.
395
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:48,864
Uh, the pig's head will be seen
on all of your TV commercials,
396
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,200
uh, your menus, et cetera.
397
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:54,469
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
398
00:19:54,493 --> 00:19:56,961
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
399
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,609
Uh, that's enough, sweetheart.
400
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,945
I think they've got the idea.
You can come down now.
401
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,036
Shall we go inside?
402
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:09,539
By the way, how'd
he get up there?
403
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,945
Oh, uh... by that ladder.
404
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:21,997
Oh?
405
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,321
That's funny. I didn't
notice the ladder until now.
406
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,436
Darrin, come on down.
407
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:30,494
We're anxious to
hear the details.
408
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,944
How's that for enterprise, huh?
409
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:38,080
McMann & Tate
is first in enterprise.
410
00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,348
Yeah, well, I'll be
the judge of that.
411
00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:42,218
What's your new idea, Stephens?
412
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:47,189
Uh, well, it-it... It's very
difficult to talk in that mask,
413
00:20:47,213 --> 00:20:50,292
So instead of talking, uh,
why don't we just go inside
414
00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:53,262
and demonstrate to,
uh, Larry and the colonel?
415
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:54,518
Good idea. Come.
416
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,355
We'll have a drink too.
417
00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:11,379
How did you get your wife
418
00:21:11,403 --> 00:21:13,048
to collaborate
with you like this?
419
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:15,150
I can't get my wife
interested in spareribs.
420
00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:17,185
Oh, ha-ha, you'd be surprised
421
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,388
how many ideas have
been born in this house.
422
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:22,023
Uh, now... Now, sweetheart, um,
423
00:21:22,047 --> 00:21:25,227
do you remember
where you come in?
424
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:26,684
Oh, good. Good.
425
00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:32,133
♪ Colonel Bringham's
Ribs are best ♪
426
00:21:32,157 --> 00:21:34,937
♪ Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh ♪
427
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:39,207
♪ They're sweet and
tender That's no jest ♪
428
00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:42,532
♪ Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh With a: ♪
429
00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:45,747
♪ Here and a: ♪
430
00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:46,815
♪ There. Here a: ♪
431
00:21:46,839 --> 00:21:48,116
♪ There a: ♪
432
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,718
♪ Everywhere a: ♪
433
00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:52,954
♪ Buy a bucket of ribs today ♪
434
00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:56,880
♪ Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh ♪
435
00:22:02,088 --> 00:22:04,455
I've just got one word for that.
436
00:22:06,526 --> 00:22:09,138
Look, they were
just kidding around.
437
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:10,439
Weren't you?
438
00:22:10,463 --> 00:22:12,307
I hope not. I think
it's sensational.
439
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:14,910
Oh, listen, these
two never kid around.
440
00:22:14,934 --> 00:22:18,735
Ah, you've done it
again, you sly fox.
441
00:22:20,106 --> 00:22:21,939
Or should I say, "sly pig"?
442
00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:26,654
You're pretty good at that.
443
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:28,757
You ought to perform in
the commercial yourself.
444
00:22:28,781 --> 00:22:29,781
What do you think?
445
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,298
Uh, why...? Why don't
you take that thing off now?
446
00:22:36,322 --> 00:22:38,433
Oh, well... Well, uh, Larry,
447
00:22:38,457 --> 00:22:41,803
you know how Darrin
loves to investigate details.
448
00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:43,405
Well, he just wanted to see
449
00:22:43,429 --> 00:22:45,574
how long an actor
could stay in that mask
450
00:22:45,598 --> 00:22:47,809
without too much discomfort.
451
00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:51,446
Oh. Tremendous head for detail.
452
00:22:51,470 --> 00:22:52,781
Hm.
453
00:22:52,805 --> 00:22:54,316
But we're going
to be eating soon,
454
00:22:54,340 --> 00:22:56,185
so why don't you take it off?
455
00:22:56,209 --> 00:22:57,786
Yes, and how long
are you going to...?
456
00:22:57,810 --> 00:22:59,488
Oh. Uh, if... If
you'll excuse us,
457
00:22:59,512 --> 00:23:01,690
we have a special
fluid in the kitchen
458
00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:02,857
that we remove it with.
459
00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:04,448
We'll be right back. Mm.
460
00:23:06,519 --> 00:23:09,264
I am very impressed
with him, Tate.
461
00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:11,233
He really takes
his work seriously.
462
00:23:11,257 --> 00:23:13,857
Well, that's the sort of thing I
encourage at McMann & Tate.
463
00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:22,711
Okay, Mother, this is
it. The chips are down.
464
00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:25,881
Either you show up or...
465
00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:28,305
Either I show up or what?
466
00:23:29,341 --> 00:23:33,922
Either you show up or you don't.
467
00:23:33,946 --> 00:23:36,825
Mother, we have guests.
468
00:23:36,849 --> 00:23:39,917
Why don't you tell them
Durwood made a pig of himself?
469
00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:44,132
M-Mother, undo your
thing, and quickly.
470
00:23:44,156 --> 00:23:46,502
I don't know. I
think I'm entitled
471
00:23:46,526 --> 00:23:48,169
to a little apology first.
472
00:23:48,193 --> 00:23:50,428
Apologize, sweetheart.
473
00:23:52,798 --> 00:23:56,077
He apologizes. I
didn't quite catch that.
474
00:23:56,101 --> 00:23:57,413
Sam?
475
00:23:57,437 --> 00:23:58,903
Mother!
476
00:24:01,574 --> 00:24:04,820
Oh, you didn't tell me your
mother was here, Samantha.
477
00:24:04,844 --> 00:24:06,922
How are you, Endora?
Very well, thank you.
478
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:10,725
Well, uh, M-Mother just
dropped in unexpectedly.
479
00:24:10,749 --> 00:24:13,127
And now she has to drop out.
480
00:24:13,151 --> 00:24:14,929
Oh, too bad.
481
00:24:14,953 --> 00:24:18,099
Anyway, thanks to your
brilliant footwork, Darrin,
482
00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:19,934
the account is ours.
483
00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:22,437
Well, there was nothing wrong
with Sam's footwork either.
484
00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:24,828
Or her singing. Thanks, Sam.
485
00:24:26,599 --> 00:24:30,746
I don't suppose I
get any thanks at all.
486
00:24:30,770 --> 00:24:33,682
Oh, Mother.
487
00:24:33,706 --> 00:24:36,973
You'll get yours, later.
35466
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