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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,449 More coffee, sweetheart? 2 00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:07,639 No, thanks. I'll just finish this and get going. 3 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:12,189 Sam, how come you haven't said a word about my tie? 4 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:15,325 I was looking for just the right word. 5 00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,460 You don't like it. I didn't say that. 6 00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:18,695 You do like it? 7 00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,463 I didn't say that either. 8 00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:23,867 Well, I like it. You gotta keep up with the times, you know. 9 00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:26,636 Oh, did you finish the jingle 10 00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:29,339 for Colonel Bringham's Succulent Spareribs? 11 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:32,942 Yeah. I got two pretty good ones here, if I say so myself. 12 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,044 I just can't make up my mind. 13 00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:36,968 What mind? 14 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,183 Well, well, well. 15 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,751 If it isn't the author of: 16 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,720 How to Be a Shrewish Mother-In-Law. 17 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:46,123 Darrin. This is a perfect illustration 18 00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,758 of why Durwood remains on his treadmill. 19 00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:53,196 A man who can't make up his mind never will succeed. 20 00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,799 Endora, that criticism is unfair, unworthy and... 21 00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:58,257 Uninvited. 22 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,671 And to show you how wrong you are, 23 00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:04,629 I have just made up my mind to take my leave. 24 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:08,033 What this house needs is a keeper. 25 00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,584 Mother. Oh, Mother. 26 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:17,187 You are so exasperatingly unfair to Darrin. 27 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:20,323 And once, just once, when you come to visit, 28 00:01:20,347 --> 00:01:22,748 I wish you'd leave your fangs at home. 29 00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:30,133 I'll have Adam dressed in a minute. 30 00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:32,435 You can play with him, okay? 31 00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:34,692 I'd be delighted. 32 00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:43,046 When, oh, when will you ever learn that mother knows best? 33 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:45,949 And what mother knows best 34 00:01:45,973 --> 00:01:49,007 is how to prove she's right. 35 00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:01,564 Indecision now Will be your fate 36 00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:05,168 In matters small And matters great 37 00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:08,238 A plague of ifs And ands and buts 38 00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,129 Will now descend And drive you nuts 39 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,167 Hi, dumbo. 40 00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:19,683 Are you out of your tree? 41 00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:23,052 What are you doing there? Get off. 42 00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,821 Unless you'd rather stay. 43 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,990 On second thought, get off. 44 00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:30,861 Personally, I think I make a rather dashing hood ornament. 45 00:02:30,885 --> 00:02:33,185 But how would you know? 46 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:46,442 Oh, Mr. Stephens! Mr. Stephens! 47 00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,077 I have something to discuss with you. 48 00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:49,146 Can you spare a minute? 49 00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:50,813 Of course. 50 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,182 But not really. 51 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,783 Well, which? 52 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:57,621 Well, actually, I should be getting to the office, 53 00:02:57,645 --> 00:03:00,022 but on the other hand... 54 00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:02,025 What is it you want to tell me, Mrs. Kravitz? 55 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,961 Well, it's about the trash cans in the neighborhood. 56 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:08,532 Have you noticed how terrible they look on trash day? 57 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:11,768 I'm trying to get everybody to replace or paint them. 58 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:14,704 Hey... Wow, look at the time. I've got to rush. 59 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,406 Oh-oh, but... But I still don't know 60 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,873 whether you're for or against it. 61 00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:19,475 Can't you just spare another minute? 62 00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:21,945 Of course. Take your time. 63 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,135 I'm in no hurry whatsoever. 64 00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:26,649 You know, Mr. Stephens, 65 00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:30,709 someday your sarcasm is gonna get you in trouble. 66 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,713 Mother? Mother? Hm. 67 00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:32,682 Oh, dear. 68 00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:35,285 Sweetheart, will you take him outside on the patio and play 69 00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:36,953 Okay. While I answer this? Scoot. 70 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:39,211 Come on, Adam. I'll show you how to skip rope. 71 00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,963 Oh, hi, Mrs. Kravitz. Well, what can I do for you? 72 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,399 Ask not what you can do for me. 73 00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:51,601 Ask what you can do for your neighborhood. 74 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:54,570 Okay. What can I do for my neighborhood? 75 00:04:54,594 --> 00:04:57,807 It's about cleaning up the trash cans in the neighborhood. 76 00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,209 Well, that's a good idea. 77 00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:02,145 Well, I discussed this with your husband as he was leaving, 78 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,281 but I just couldn't get anywhere with him. 79 00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:05,581 Didn't Darrin agree? 80 00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:07,816 Well, I... I really couldn't tell. 81 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:11,754 He acted so strange, like he was... 82 00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:13,289 Uh, I don't know, in a daze, 83 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,458 the way he kept changing his mind and... 84 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,127 Changing his mind? 85 00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:19,762 Maybe he ought to see a doctor or something. 86 00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:24,000 "Or something" is probably a better suggestion. 87 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,836 Uh, Mrs. Kravitz, will you excuse me? 88 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:29,005 I have an urgent matter I have to take care of. 89 00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,708 Well, what if we paint the trash cans the same color? 90 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,209 Well, that's fine with me. 91 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,000 Well, would you prefer yellow or...? 92 00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:45,121 Mother, I-I'm not accusing. I-I'm just asking. 93 00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:48,613 Did you put a hex on Darrin this morning? 94 00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:53,618 Ooh! 95 00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,200 "Hex, no." 96 00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:59,735 Mother, that pun is not only sick, 97 00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:01,059 it is beyond help. 98 00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:04,173 Tabitha, behave yourself. 99 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,308 Come on, Adam. 100 00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:07,076 Give me back my jump rope. Adam, will...? 101 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,200 Will you give Tabitha back her jump rope? 102 00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:13,104 Oh, Mother, I'll... I'll take care of you later. 103 00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:16,685 Darrin, I love these jingles you did 104 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,388 for Colonel Bringham's Spareribs. 105 00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,456 Which one do you think we ought to pitch? 106 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,493 Well, the one I really like is the "Pop Goes the Weasel." 107 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,150 But the other is very effective too, because... 108 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,265 I-I really can't make up my mind. 109 00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,468 Colonel Bringham's going to be here in half an hour, 110 00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,835 so let's come to a decision. 111 00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:34,704 Of... Of course, till we actually meet him, 112 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,205 we'll have to do some blind flying, 113 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,239 but personally, I like 114 00:06:37,263 --> 00:06:38,874 "The Little Piggy Goes to Market." 115 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:42,044 It's appropriate for the product and it's nice and safe. 116 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,646 Don't you agree? Absolutely. 117 00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:46,082 Good. But not necessarily. 118 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:47,183 What? 119 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,585 Well, I mean, I think it's a good approach, 120 00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,755 but on the other hand, is it? 121 00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,656 What do you mean? 122 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,158 Maybe it's a bad approach. 123 00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:57,327 Darrin, don't fall apart 124 00:06:57,351 --> 00:07:00,230 just when we're about to close in on this account. 125 00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,253 You know, your trouble is you worry too much. 126 00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:06,903 New tie, huh? 127 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,872 Right. 128 00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,673 It's a little overboard, isn't it? 129 00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:11,841 It's okay with me. 130 00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,309 Yes, but is it appropriate to wear 131 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,511 when you're about to meet a conservative gentleman 132 00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:16,546 of the old South? 133 00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,915 A thing like this can be very damaging. 134 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,584 He might not say anything, but he'll make a mental note: 135 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,719 "This man is not to be trusted." 136 00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:26,790 Because of your tie? That's ridiculous. 137 00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:29,247 You're right. That's ridiculous. 138 00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,394 Excuse me. 139 00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:32,595 Where are you going? 140 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,252 Out to buy another tie. 141 00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:42,405 Oh, hi... Hi, Betty. May I speak to him, please? 142 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:45,241 Oh, hi, Miss Stephens. He went out to buy a tie. 143 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:47,610 He did? Well, that's funny. 144 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,646 He was wearing a brand-new tie when he left. 145 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:52,615 Yeah, I know. I don't know what got into him. 146 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,951 I'm afraid I do. 147 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,119 Pardon? 148 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,753 Oh, uh, no... Nothing. 149 00:07:57,777 --> 00:07:59,922 Uh, maybe I'll just come upstairs and wait for him. 150 00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,324 Oh, are you in the building? 151 00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:04,093 Uh, no. But I'm not far away. 152 00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,783 Thanks, Betty. Bye-bye. 153 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:08,419 Aunt Hagatha? 154 00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,059 Aunt Hagatha? 155 00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:20,043 Samantha. Oh, I wish you wouldn't do that. 156 00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:23,979 I was getting 40 winks and I was only up to 35. 157 00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:25,981 Oh, well, I-I'm terribly sorry, Aunt Hagatha, 158 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,051 but it's an emergency. 159 00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,420 Mother's been interfering again, so she's hiding out. 160 00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:32,188 Now, I have to pop down to Darrin's office 161 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,523 and check on something. 162 00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,824 Adam's taking his nap. Tabitha's playing in her room. 163 00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:37,515 And I owe you five winks. 164 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,017 Ooh... 165 00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:53,831 Good afternoon. 166 00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:58,681 This account man of yours better be pretty good. 167 00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,083 I'm not used to waiting around for people that work for me. 168 00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,519 Neither am I. 169 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,556 I can't get over the fact that you are not from the South. 170 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:07,923 I wish you'd try and get over it. 171 00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:09,525 Everybody makes the same mistake. 172 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,762 Frankly, it doesn't amuse me. 173 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:16,966 I suppose it's the combination of "colonel" and "spareribs." 174 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,101 All those Kentucky colonels, you know. 175 00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,804 I'm a colonel. U.S. Army, retired. 176 00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:23,072 Oh? 177 00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,940 I find that fascinating. 178 00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:26,776 I find it a bore. 179 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,579 So is waiting around for this genius of yours. 180 00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:32,081 I'm sure something must have happened to him. 181 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:34,839 And for his sake, I hope so. 182 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,158 I don't really understand it. 183 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,560 It's not like Darrin to be late for a meeting. 184 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,928 Yeah, I know. 185 00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:48,886 The colonel's here and Mr. Tate is livid. 186 00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,736 Sam, what are you doing here? 187 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,839 Sweetheart, I have to talk to you about something. 188 00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:59,308 Mr. Stephens, the colonel is here 189 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,611 and Mr. Tate is pretty upset. 190 00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,413 Oh, has he been asking for me? 191 00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:05,347 Not asking. Yelling. 192 00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:07,584 You're to get your material and go right in. 193 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,440 Okay. Come on, Sam. 194 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,023 Is something wrong? Yes, with you. 195 00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,659 I think Mother might have... 196 00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:19,729 I thought you went shopping for a new tie. 197 00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:20,730 I did. 198 00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,331 But the salesman confused me 199 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,900 by showing me every tie he had, so I finally gave up. 200 00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:27,236 What was wrong with the one you were wearing? 201 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,371 I thought it might be a little too daring 202 00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,240 for a conservative man like the colonel. 203 00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,176 That doesn't make any sense. 204 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,833 Oh, yes, it does. 205 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:39,982 But not too much. But on the other hand, 206 00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:41,184 you can't overlook anything 207 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,752 when you're dealing with a client, 208 00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,787 no matter how foolish it seems. 209 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:47,489 And it seems this was pretty foolish, 210 00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:48,891 so why did I do it? 211 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:50,526 Oh... 212 00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:56,132 Oh... Oh, Darrin, I was right. You are not well. 213 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,968 Darrin, would you please get your...? 214 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:03,806 Oh, hi, Sam. Would you care to join us? 215 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,808 No. What? 216 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:08,244 I mean, yes. And no. 217 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:12,348 What... What he means is we we're in the middle of a discussion. 218 00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,516 So were the colonel and I, 219 00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:15,617 and it was about whether 220 00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:18,387 you're going to be working here tomorrow. 221 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,944 Excuse us. 222 00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:30,332 All right, Mother. 223 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:32,635 I have had it with your interference. 224 00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:34,003 If the New York Jets had it, 225 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,193 they could probably win the championship. 226 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,780 "Enjoyed your pun. 227 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:46,482 "I'm trifling with the maharajah of Janipur 228 00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:49,151 and haven't time to trifle with you." 229 00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:50,742 Oh... 230 00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,262 "P.S. Notify the Jets 231 00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:03,632 I won't be available until 5:00 this afternoon." 232 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:04,656 Ah! 233 00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:08,859 Good grief, Mother, you're driving me crazy. 234 00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,379 South Philadelphia? 235 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,781 It seems everyone makes the same mistake, Darrin, 236 00:12:18,805 --> 00:12:21,483 so let's not bore the colonel. Just go on. 237 00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:23,386 Uh, right. 238 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,089 Uh, this is the layout for the campaign. 239 00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:30,326 And the jingle is based on "Pop Goes the Weasel." 240 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,328 Now, naturally, I'm not a singer, 241 00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,597 but I'll do my best. 242 00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:38,667 Uh, not that I can't sing. I can. But not very well. 243 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,558 Darrin, get on with it. 244 00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:44,272 ♪ For succulent ribs That beat the best ♪ 245 00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:46,375 ♪ You've got to try Colonel Bringham ♪ 246 00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:48,344 ♪ They're best by taste And best by test ♪ 247 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,079 ♪ Oh, how you'll dig 'em ♪ 248 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,247 ♪ So stop by the colonel's For a bucket of ribs ♪ 249 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:54,383 ♪ Give a day off to mommy ♪ 250 00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,285 ♪ You'll love them And we never tell fibs ♪ 251 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,676 ♪ "Yum," goes your tummy ♪ 252 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,925 "'Yum, ' goes your tummy"? 253 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,993 Of course, that line can be changed. 254 00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:07,563 Or any of the lines. Or even the melody. 255 00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,198 No. Why? It's catchy. 256 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,200 Exactly. Darrin, don't change a thing. 257 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:14,770 Naturally, with an orchestra, it'll be even more effective. 258 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,427 Right, Darrin? Right. 259 00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:18,874 At least I hope so. 260 00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:21,377 You, uh, seem to have some reservations. 261 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:25,013 No, no, no. I was just thinking about the other idea I had. 262 00:13:25,037 --> 00:13:27,150 In some ways, it was even cuter. 263 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,684 It's based on, uh, 264 00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,686 "This Little Piggy Went to Market." 265 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,989 The game you play with a baby's toes. 266 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,056 Hm. 267 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,993 Toes, spareribs? Bad image, forget it. 268 00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:38,727 Would you let him go on? 269 00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:40,429 Do you really like this idea? 270 00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:43,132 How do I know? I haven't heard it yet. 271 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,501 Well, now, Larry's right. 272 00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:48,059 Uh, I think we should go with, "'Yum, ' goes your tummy." 273 00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:50,773 I don't. 274 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,274 But I thought you said you liked it. 275 00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,043 I did, but if he's got any doubts about it, 276 00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,410 that's enough to kill it for me. 277 00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:57,213 Well, then let me finish telling you about 278 00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:58,781 "This Little Piggy Goes to Market." 279 00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:01,851 No, no, no. I'm sorry. I can't wait around here 280 00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,819 When you make up your mind what you're sold on, 281 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,054 then you can sell me. 282 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,056 Colonel, would you wait just a moment, please? 283 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,257 I want to make arrangements 284 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,059 to pick you up for dinner tonight. 285 00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,249 Be right back. 286 00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,065 Congratulations. 287 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,367 That was one of the most beautiful pieces of sabotage 288 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:19,802 I've ever witnessed. 289 00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:22,638 Oh, yeah? Well, let me tell you something... 290 00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,807 I really made a mess of it, didn't I? 291 00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:27,276 Darrin, you're not well. 292 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:31,047 Uh, Larry, if you don't mind, I'd better go right home. 293 00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:33,683 Mind? That's the best idea you've had today. 294 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,451 Or should I stay? 295 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:36,719 Let me help you. 296 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,121 Go home. That's an order. 297 00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:42,225 Uh, yes, sir. On the other hand... 298 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,059 Darrin, I'll try to talk the colonel 299 00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:46,128 into coming over a little earlier tonight. 300 00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:47,697 So you better come up with something 301 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,998 to replace the idea you just shot down. 302 00:14:50,022 --> 00:14:51,900 I'll do my best. 303 00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:55,159 I just saw your best. You'll have to do better. 304 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,232 Sam. 305 00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:07,049 I had a feeling you'd be home early. 306 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,618 I would have been home a lot earlier, 307 00:15:08,642 --> 00:15:09,818 but I couldn't decide 308 00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,987 whether to take the tunnel or the bridge. 309 00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:14,156 And I finally decided on the bridge, 310 00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:16,091 then I couldn't decide which bridge. 311 00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:18,160 I've been driving around for hours. 312 00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:19,662 On top of everything else, 313 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,664 Larry is bringing the client over early. 314 00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,332 Sam, do something! 315 00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:26,702 I-I've been trying to reach Mother all afternoon. 316 00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,905 Now, please, just calm down. 317 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,439 I'm calm, I'm calm. 318 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:33,142 For a man who's upset, I am very calm. 319 00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:34,332 I'm also very upset. 320 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,080 Mother. 321 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,448 Mother? 322 00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,483 I... I... I'm gonna count to three 323 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:45,454 and I want you to show up at once, or else. 324 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:48,146 One, two, three. 325 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:54,696 Four? Five. 326 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,698 Or else what? 327 00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:59,501 Mother, I want you to take that spell off Darrin 328 00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:01,771 and don't deny that you put one on him. 329 00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:02,993 Who's denying? 330 00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,174 Endora, no offense, 331 00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:09,678 but the more I see you, the more I like you less. 332 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:13,849 But on the other hand, you do have a warm spot for me. 333 00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:14,983 Right? 334 00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:16,552 That's true. 335 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,253 And I wish you'd go there right now. 336 00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:19,387 I'd be delighted. 337 00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:21,657 Mother, don't you dare leave 338 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,659 until you have taken that spell off Darrin. 339 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:26,963 Samantha, are you ordering me? 340 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:33,902 No. I'm just suggesting... very strongly. 341 00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:37,828 Very well. I guess I've had my fun. 342 00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:42,878 Spell's off. There you are. No harm done. 343 00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:46,615 No harm done? How would you like a necklace of fingers? 344 00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:47,716 Oh, careful, sweetheart. 345 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,585 Don't stop him, Samantha. 346 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:52,154 When he's angry and his eyes flash like that, 347 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:58,961 it transforms him from a dull clod into an angry dull clod. 348 00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:01,163 Same to you, fella. 349 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,765 What was that? 350 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:07,469 Mother, what do you expect him to do, lie down like a lamb? 351 00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,805 Especially when you're so wrong about him. 352 00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,774 He is not indecisive. 353 00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,876 He has no trouble making up his mind. 354 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,478 And when he does, he rarely changes it. 355 00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:18,480 You mean he's pigheaded. 356 00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:21,450 I didn't say that. 357 00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:23,707 Well, I did. 358 00:17:27,012 --> 00:17:28,012 Oh! 359 00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:36,265 Oh... Oh, Mother, that's... That's... 360 00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:38,022 A definite improvement. 361 00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:43,505 Uh, you're right, sweetheart. 362 00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:46,275 That is absolutely the lowest thing 363 00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:47,910 Mother has ever done. 364 00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:51,269 No, it isn't. This is. 365 00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:56,151 Where is he? 366 00:17:56,175 --> 00:18:00,489 Outside, where the entire world can see how pigheaded he is. 367 00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:02,591 Outside? You didn't do anything outrageous 368 00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,493 like put him on the front lawn? 369 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:07,095 What kind of a fool do you take me for? 370 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,520 I put him on the roof. 371 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,223 Oh, my stars. 372 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,634 Ooh! 373 00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:27,382 Darrin, don't you call my mother names like that. 374 00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:29,107 It might make matters worse. 375 00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,889 That's true. How could they be? 376 00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:35,673 I'll get you down in a moment, sweetheart. 377 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,585 Oh, my stars. 378 00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:46,034 Stephens is one of those erratic geniuses. 379 00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,436 They're peculiar, but the end product is... 380 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,760 What's the matter? 381 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,844 Hi, Larry. 382 00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:59,915 Sam, what's...? What's that? 383 00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:01,584 It's Darrin. 384 00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:03,219 Uh, you must be Colonel Bringham. 385 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,654 Uh, how do you do? I... I'm Samantha Stephens. 386 00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:08,557 You are? I mean, how do you do? 387 00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:11,727 I-I suppose you're wondering what that is all about. 388 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,229 Wondering isn't quite the word. 389 00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:18,433 Well, it's Darrin's idea for a revolving sign 390 00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:20,925 to go over all your restaurants, colonel. 391 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:25,796 All... All right, sweetheart. Revolve. 392 00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:40,855 Well, uh, actually, that... 393 00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:43,125 That is just part of the whole campaign 394 00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:45,027 that Darrin has devised for you, colonel. 395 00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:48,864 Uh, the pig's head will be seen on all of your TV commercials, 396 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,200 uh, your menus, et cetera. 397 00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:54,469 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 398 00:19:54,493 --> 00:19:56,961 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 399 00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,609 Uh, that's enough, sweetheart. 400 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,945 I think they've got the idea. You can come down now. 401 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,036 Shall we go inside? 402 00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:09,539 By the way, how'd he get up there? 403 00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,945 Oh, uh... by that ladder. 404 00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:21,997 Oh? 405 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,321 That's funny. I didn't notice the ladder until now. 406 00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,436 Darrin, come on down. 407 00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:30,494 We're anxious to hear the details. 408 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,944 How's that for enterprise, huh? 409 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:38,080 McMann & Tate is first in enterprise. 410 00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,348 Yeah, well, I'll be the judge of that. 411 00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:42,218 What's your new idea, Stephens? 412 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:47,189 Uh, well, it-it... It's very difficult to talk in that mask, 413 00:20:47,213 --> 00:20:50,292 So instead of talking, uh, why don't we just go inside 414 00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:53,262 and demonstrate to, uh, Larry and the colonel? 415 00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:54,518 Good idea. Come. 416 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,355 We'll have a drink too. 417 00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:11,379 How did you get your wife 418 00:21:11,403 --> 00:21:13,048 to collaborate with you like this? 419 00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:15,150 I can't get my wife interested in spareribs. 420 00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:17,185 Oh, ha-ha, you'd be surprised 421 00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,388 how many ideas have been born in this house. 422 00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:22,023 Uh, now... Now, sweetheart, um, 423 00:21:22,047 --> 00:21:25,227 do you remember where you come in? 424 00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:26,684 Oh, good. Good. 425 00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:32,133 ♪ Colonel Bringham's Ribs are best ♪ 426 00:21:32,157 --> 00:21:34,937 ♪ Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh ♪ 427 00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:39,207 ♪ They're sweet and tender That's no jest ♪ 428 00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:42,532 ♪ Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh With a: ♪ 429 00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:45,747 ♪ Here and a: ♪ 430 00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:46,815 ♪ There. Here a: ♪ 431 00:21:46,839 --> 00:21:48,116 ♪ There a: ♪ 432 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,718 ♪ Everywhere a: ♪ 433 00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:52,954 ♪ Buy a bucket of ribs today ♪ 434 00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:56,880 ♪ Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh ♪ 435 00:22:02,088 --> 00:22:04,455 I've just got one word for that. 436 00:22:06,526 --> 00:22:09,138 Look, they were just kidding around. 437 00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:10,439 Weren't you? 438 00:22:10,463 --> 00:22:12,307 I hope not. I think it's sensational. 439 00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:14,910 Oh, listen, these two never kid around. 440 00:22:14,934 --> 00:22:18,735 Ah, you've done it again, you sly fox. 441 00:22:20,106 --> 00:22:21,939 Or should I say, "sly pig"? 442 00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:26,654 You're pretty good at that. 443 00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:28,757 You ought to perform in the commercial yourself. 444 00:22:28,781 --> 00:22:29,781 What do you think? 445 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,298 Uh, why...? Why don't you take that thing off now? 446 00:22:36,322 --> 00:22:38,433 Oh, well... Well, uh, Larry, 447 00:22:38,457 --> 00:22:41,803 you know how Darrin loves to investigate details. 448 00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:43,405 Well, he just wanted to see 449 00:22:43,429 --> 00:22:45,574 how long an actor could stay in that mask 450 00:22:45,598 --> 00:22:47,809 without too much discomfort. 451 00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:51,446 Oh. Tremendous head for detail. 452 00:22:51,470 --> 00:22:52,781 Hm. 453 00:22:52,805 --> 00:22:54,316 But we're going to be eating soon, 454 00:22:54,340 --> 00:22:56,185 so why don't you take it off? 455 00:22:56,209 --> 00:22:57,786 Yes, and how long are you going to...? 456 00:22:57,810 --> 00:22:59,488 Oh. Uh, if... If you'll excuse us, 457 00:22:59,512 --> 00:23:01,690 we have a special fluid in the kitchen 458 00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:02,857 that we remove it with. 459 00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:04,448 We'll be right back. Mm. 460 00:23:06,519 --> 00:23:09,264 I am very impressed with him, Tate. 461 00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:11,233 He really takes his work seriously. 462 00:23:11,257 --> 00:23:13,857 Well, that's the sort of thing I encourage at McMann & Tate. 463 00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:22,711 Okay, Mother, this is it. The chips are down. 464 00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:25,881 Either you show up or... 465 00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:28,305 Either I show up or what? 466 00:23:29,341 --> 00:23:33,922 Either you show up or you don't. 467 00:23:33,946 --> 00:23:36,825 Mother, we have guests. 468 00:23:36,849 --> 00:23:39,917 Why don't you tell them Durwood made a pig of himself? 469 00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:44,132 M-Mother, undo your thing, and quickly. 470 00:23:44,156 --> 00:23:46,502 I don't know. I think I'm entitled 471 00:23:46,526 --> 00:23:48,169 to a little apology first. 472 00:23:48,193 --> 00:23:50,428 Apologize, sweetheart. 473 00:23:52,798 --> 00:23:56,077 He apologizes. I didn't quite catch that. 474 00:23:56,101 --> 00:23:57,413 Sam? 475 00:23:57,437 --> 00:23:58,903 Mother! 476 00:24:01,574 --> 00:24:04,820 Oh, you didn't tell me your mother was here, Samantha. 477 00:24:04,844 --> 00:24:06,922 How are you, Endora? Very well, thank you. 478 00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:10,725 Well, uh, M-Mother just dropped in unexpectedly. 479 00:24:10,749 --> 00:24:13,127 And now she has to drop out. 480 00:24:13,151 --> 00:24:14,929 Oh, too bad. 481 00:24:14,953 --> 00:24:18,099 Anyway, thanks to your brilliant footwork, Darrin, 482 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:19,934 the account is ours. 483 00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:22,437 Well, there was nothing wrong with Sam's footwork either. 484 00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:24,828 Or her singing. Thanks, Sam. 485 00:24:26,599 --> 00:24:30,746 I don't suppose I get any thanks at all. 486 00:24:30,770 --> 00:24:33,682 Oh, Mother. 487 00:24:33,706 --> 00:24:36,973 You'll get yours, later. 35466

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