All language subtitles for 08 - Dangerous Diaper Dan

Louise, I don't wanna hear about it.

I'm not interested. I don't--

Really?

What?

Who?

They didn't.

-They did?
-Sam?

The Camdens had a fight
and he left the house?

-Sam?
-When?

Last night.

And he took all
the wedding presents?

Sam!

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

-Breakfast will be ready in a minute.
-You said that 20 minutes ago.

Louise, I'll call you back.
I can't talk now.

Honey, you know how I hate gossip.

Darrin, I wouldn't even listen
to anything about anyone...

...unless it was good.

And, boy, was that good.

-Samantha!
-Okay, Darrin.

I'll get it.

It's diaper day.

Diaper Dan at your service.
Hi, Mrs. Stephens.

-Just put it down anywhere, Dan.
-Ma'am.

Say, you know, Mrs. Stephens...

...your husband being in the
advertising business gave me an idea.

Here.

I thought it up myself.

"Compliments of Diaper Dan."
Oh, isn't that cute?

Oh, no. You keep the rattle. I want your
baby to have the first one on the block.

Well, thank you, Dan.
That's very sweet of you.

Well, I gotta be going.

Did you happen to see the moving van
in front of the Kirkeby's?

-The Kirkeby's are moving?
-Not only that. Wait till you hear why.

The fountain of trivia runneth over.

Dan, I'm not interested.

Well, it's just that Harry--
Mr. Kirkeby...

...and his secretary, you know,
that gorgeous blond....

How gauche.

Well, maybe just a word or two.

Sam, for heaven's sakes. Dan?

Yeah, well, I really have to be going.
So long, Mrs. Stephens.

Sam, can't you understand that
loose talk can be a dangerous thing?

All right, all right, Darrin. You're right.
Even Mother agrees with you.

Up to a point.

It's not that I'm opposed to gossip,
you understand.

It's this banal, mundane type
that bores me.

Darrin, I was not gossiping.
I was listening.

Besides, who's going to know
what's been said here today?

That's what Lincoln said
in his Gettysburg Address.

How you can even listen to him
is beyond me.

But, darling, Dan meant no harm.

Dan has got a big mouth.

Hello, this is Dragonfly
calling Mother Hubbard.

Dragonfly calling Mother Hubbard.
Over.

Mother Hubbard calling Dragonfly.
We read you. Go ahead.

Well, it worked. I planted a mike
in the baby's rattle.

Everything's coming in
loud and clear.

Good work. Report in
as soon as you can. Over.

Roger and out.

Hello, Louise.

Oh, I just had a hunch it was you.

Yes, Darrin's left.

Oh, well, we had a few words,
but everything's all right now.

Yes, it's because he's been working
so hard on that Wright campaign...

...but he's come up
with wonderful ideas.

The only good idea he ever had
was marrying you, I regret to say.

Mother.

Oh, yes, I'm sure Larry's
going to love them.

Well, he thought
of a marvellous slogan.

"The Wright pen
is the write pen for you."

"Wright." Like in W-R-I-G-H-T.
And "write"...

...like in W-R-I-T-E.

Clever, huh?

Like in W-R-I-G-H-T.

And "write," like in W-R-I-T-E.

-Clever, huh?
-I'll say it is!

Peterson, get right on it.
Use everything that's on that tape.

Yes, sir, Mr. Kimberly.

I'll pull that Wright account right out
from under McMann & Tate.

What I wouldn't give to see Larry Tate's
face when he makes his presentation.

What do you mean
you've already seen this?

We just finished it last night.
Isn't that true, Darrin?

Yes. Mr. Wright, we've spent a great
deal of time and thought on this.

-We think it's very good.
-Oh, it's good.

But as I said, I saw practically
the same thing at the Kimberly office.

At least you could be more original.

More original? More original.

Nobody's more original than
McMann & Tate.

-Furthermore, Mr.--
-Steady, Larry, steady.

Now, Mr. Wright,
before you make any decisions...

...we'll get started on another
presentation right away.

-Fair enough?
-Fair enough.

I'll give you 24 hours.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I can't understand it.

How could Kimberly come up
with the same idea?

Well, it happens, Larry, it happens.

We'll just have to chalk
it up to coincidence.

Don't look now,
but guess who just came in.

-Who?
-Kimberly.

Maybe if we ignore him,
he'll crawl away.

Well, Tate and Stephens.

This is a coincidence.

I was just saying
the same thing, A.J.

Were you, now?
How's business, Tate?

Oh, make a million, lose a million.

I just heard about your tough luck
with the Wright account.

Well, you can't win them all.

-So who says we lost it?
-Well, I just took it for granted.

We'll think of something, A.J.

I'm sure you will, Stephens.

Just as long as
we don't think of it first.

Mr. Kimberly, I believe
our table's ready, sir.

Well, see you in the rat race, boys.

-And there goes King Rat.
-You don't trust Kimberly?

I wouldn't trust him as far
as I could throw an elephant.

An elephant. Larry, that's it!

I've got an idea for a new presentation.
I'll see you back at the office.

It's just one of those things, honey,
a coincidence.

Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
You mean you lost the account?

Not yet. Your old Darrin's
still in there pitching.

But I will be working late tonight.

I've got this great idea about
an elephant and a whole new slogan.

"An elephant never forgets.
But if you do...

...write it down with the Wright pen
and you'll always remember."

Oh, that's marvellous!

Bye, darling.

Reach for it. There!

Oh, you want the crackers!

Well, hex it over for Grandmama.

There. That's a good girl.

-Mother.
-Now what?

Don't encourage her.
Tabatha mustn't twitch.

If Darrin ever catches you,
he'll be furious.

He'll never catch me. Besides,
the way your husband works nights...

...I have this peculiar feeling
you're married to a night watchman.

It's an emergency, Mother.

Darrin's working on a
simply marvellous new idea.

-Isn't he always?
-Naturally. But this one's a gas.

A g-- A what?

Oh, that's advertising talk
for sensational.

I want a rattle.

-There you are.
-I probably shouldn't mention it.

But it really is brilliant.

Darrin has an idea about using
an elephant and a slogan that goes:

"An elephant never forgets. If you do,
write it down with a Wright pen...

...and you'll always remember."

--and you'll always remember.

-How about that?
-Great!

Yeah, I liked it.

Peterson, rush it to the Art Department,
then over to Wright.

Yes, sir.

What? You couldn't possibly
have already seen these!

But I have, Mr. Tate,
just an hour ago.

Gentlemen, your lack of inventiveness
leaves me no alternative...

...but to take my account elsewhere.

Mr. Wright. Mr. Wright.

We realize presentations can be
coincidental. It's one of those things.

But we'll come up with the winner,
I promise you.

Well, I'll have
to make a decision soon.

Well, thank you, Mr. Wright.
You won't be sorry.

Larry!

Larry, take it easy.
Take it easy.

I tell you, there's a spy
in this company.

Come on, Larry. You've been
seeing too many movies.

Well, once can be a coincidence.
I'll buy that. But twice? Never.

I hate to admit it,
but you may be right.

I know I'm right.

Larry. Lar-- Larry,
what are you doing?

I'm looking for a hidden microphone.
Your office must be bugged.

What's this?

So you put it in here, huh,
you little rascal?

What's this?

Larry, this is a job for professionals.

If there is a mike planted in here,
we'll never find it.

You're right.

I'll get security up here at once.

I'll have every lock replaced and
the combination of the safe changed.

I'll get to the bottom of this
if I have to give a lie-detector test...

...to everybody in the firm.

Including myself. And you.

Thank you.

-Larry, is this really necessary?
-Absolutely.

Now, this final presentation
is top-secret.

I don't want you to even talk to Sam
about it. That's an order.

Yes, sir.

You know, Larry, I was thinking--

What's the matter?

The olive.

-The olive?
-The olive.

It may be bugged.

A mike?

A pimento.

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

Hi, darling.
Still here, huh?

Well, I certainly wouldn't leave without
waiting for Mr. Charm to come home.

Oh, now, now, Mother.

Sweetheart, you look tired.
You sit down and unwind.

Dinner will be ready in a little while.

-Honey, hold it! Hold it.
-What in the world?

Larry's idea.
I've got the key here somewhere.

Really, Durwood.

Aren't you carrying this ridiculous
cloak-and-dagger business too far?

"Ridiculous"? Two of my best ideas
stolen and she calls it ridiculous.

We checked the office, everything.

Of course.

There's a bug in this house.

I beg your pardon!

Oh, Mother, Darrin wasn't
referring to you, were you?

-Were you?
-No, honey, a bug.

A hidden microphone.

It could be hidden anywhere.
In a lamp, under the table.

Have you discussed
the Wright campaign with anyone?

-No. Only Mother.
-Well, I wouldn't repeat that drivel.

And Louise on the phone.

The phone? That's it.
They've tapped the phone.

Honey, from now on,
stay away from that phone.

-You're not to talk to anybody.
-Now, wait just a minute, Darrin.

Because I casually mention
your campaign...

...to my mother
and your boss's wife....

Are you trying to blame me
for your troubles?

Confiding in a woman
is like broadcasting by Telstar.

Well, then you shouldn't have
told me in the first place.

-You shouldn't have listened to me!
-You don't have to shout.

-I'm not shouting!
-Perhaps you'd prefer it...

-...if I didn't speak to you at all.
-That would suit me just fine...

...and that would be like declaring
a global news blackout.

I have a good mind
to go home to Mother!

What for?
Your mother's always here!

I'm telling you, chief, they're not even
speaking to each other. Over.

Well, don't just sit there
on your diapers. Do something. Over.

Leave it to me. Roger and out.

Mother, look.
Aren't they gorgeous?

Let's see.

"From Darrin,
with all his trust and love."

-Oh, Mother, isn't he wonderful?
-I was afraid he'd chicken out.

"To Darrin. With love, Samantha."

What a sweetheart.

All right, you can take your new
rattle to bed with you. Here you go.

Now, come on, turn around.
Let me get this button fastened.

There. Pretty bow. Pretty bow
and the kitty cats--

-Hi, honey.
-Hi, sweetheart.

-Hello, darling.
-You look tired.

I've still got a lot more work to do
on the Wright presentation.

But first....

Oh, Darrin, more roses.

My, you certainly
are extravagant but sweet.

I like the tie you sent me.

-What do you mean, "more roses"?
-Why, these.

-I didn't send you any tie.
-You didn't?

Oh, wait a minute. Mother sent us each
a present to patch up our quarrel.

Endora? Are you kidding?

Well, sometimes she does
what you don't expect...

...just to keep you from thinking
you know what to expect from her.

Come to think of it, she did agree with
me the other morning. That's a switch.

See what I mean?
Mother's a switchy witch.

This is it. The meeting's at 10:00. There
better not be another coincidence.

I'll keep my fingers crossed.
Let me know how it went?

I sure will. Bye.

-Sweetheart, what about those?
-Those are rough preliminary sketches.

-Wish me luck.
-Good luck.

-Good morning, Samantha.
-Good morning, Mother.

More roses from lover-boy?

The red ones are from him.

Mother, he came up with the most
marvellous idea for the campaign.

He was up all night working,
but it was worth it.

Everything's gonna turn out
just perfectly.

Naturally. Here in Happiness House,
it wouldn't dare work out another way.

-Pooh.
-Pooh?

Have you sunk
to that level of repartee?

There. Pretty?

What do you mean,
"the red roses are from him"?

Now, Mother, go ahead, admit it.
You know you sent the others.

I-- I sent them?

And Darrin wants me
to thank you for the necktie.

Oh, how utterly preposterous!

Not that I wouldn't like
to give Durwood a necktie.

-Oh, very funny.
-Sweet, isn't it?

Oh, Mother, wait a minute.

If you didn't send them, who did?

I haven't the faintest idea.

And what's more,
I couldn't possibly care less.

Well, I care.

Pat-- Paterson--

Paterson Florist.

Information, could I have the number
for the Paterson Florist, please?

This is what she calls brilliant?

He gets paid for this?

Are you sure
there isn't some mistake?

Well, there's no reason
in the world for him to send--

Well, you see he's our--

You're positive?

All right, thank you.
Thank you very much.

Diaper Dan?

Diaper Dan.

Diaper Dan?

Since I merely possess supernatural
powers of the highest degree...

...perhaps I'm not expected
to understand.

Would you mind telling me
what is so brilliant...

...about an astronaut in an ad?
Or this...

...nauseating slogan,
"When you fly to the moon...

...you'll still be writing
with the Wright pen...

...for there's only one right way
to go into space...

...and only one right way to write"?

-Mercy! Of all the idiotic things--
-Mother, listen. Mother.

What?

Of course!

But of course what?

Oh, how stupid!
Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Well, that's what I was just saying
about these scribblings.

-Mother?
-What?

Remember what Darrin said...

...about a bug in the house,
that it could be hidden anywhere?

Mother, there it is.
There's the bug.

There goes Diaper Dan.
And thanks to you...

...there goes another one
of Darrin's ideas.

Oh, splendid, Samantha!

Wait till you see this one.

Out of the mouths of babes.

Something wrong, Dan?

I lost my engine.

Who said that?

I did, Dan. I did.

Can I help?

-May I, Samantha?
-Be my guest.

Smashing, Mother.

Oh, well.

-Oh, my! Goodness me.
-Good morning, sweetheart.

Well. You certainly are
in a good mood this morning.

Couldn't be better. Coffee's good,
paper's here. I have a beautiful wife...

-...and a satisfied client.
-You couldn't miss.

The presentation was sensational.
I caught a glimpse of it.

You saw it?

And you thought
I couldn't keep a secret.

Well, what do you know?

I'll get it.

Good morning, Mrs. Stephens.

Good morning, Dan.
You can just put it right over there.

Thank you.

Oh, Mrs. Stephens, there'll be
a "drew niver" stopping by for a--

I mean, a new driver stopping by
for a while. He's going on--

I mean, I'm going on vacation.

How nice. Have a good time.

Good time? I'm spending a month
at The Country Air Rest Home.

Did Dan say he was going
to a rest home?

Yes, dear.

Well, he did seem a little confused.

You might even say he was...

...rattled.