All language subtitles for 07 - Twitch or Treat

Honey, you've got a choice.

There's a comedy at the Bijou,
a Western at the Rialto...

...an Egyptian epic at the Uptown.

I don't think it's right
to go to a movie on Halloween.

It's like hiding out.

I think we should observe
Halloween properly.

How?

Honey, it's been Halloween
around here for the past week.

What, with your mother, Uncle Arthur,
houses appearing and disappearing.

And appearing.

Sam, it's back.
Your mother's house is back.

-Darrin, do you love me?
-No.

I mean, yes, I love you...

...but, no, I won't do what you want
when you say, "Do you love me?"

Mother only wants that house
back there for a little while.

And for one reason.

One reason?

The Halloween party tonight.

So that's what
the Halloween talk was about.

-Mother's giving a party for friends.
-Not on my block, she isn't.

-And we're invited.
-Your mother created that house.

Well, she can just un-create it,
and have her party someplace else.

Darrin, I'd so love to go.

The most interesting people
are gonna be there.

Interesting, yes. People, no.

I beg your pardon.

Sam, you know what I mean.

If somebody finds out,
what will you tell them?

Well, people expect strange things
to happen on Halloween.

Besides, nobody's gonna find out.

Greetings, folks.

Have you heard the glad tidings?

One Endora, mother of Samantha
Stephens suburban housewife...

...is giving a Halloween party
this evening.

The catch to the story is that
the guests will be real witches.

Buck up, Darrin.
It's gonna be a ball.

Darrin, where are you going?
This is no way to settle an argument.

Who's arguing? Not me.

I am laying down the law. That house
of your mother's has got to go.

-As for Uncle Arthur....
-He's gone. You can see for yourself.

No, I can't. He could turn up
in our goldfish bowl.

-We haven't got a goldfish bowl.
-Sam.

I want that house out of here.
Off of this street...

...out of this neighbourhood,
out of this world, immediately.

Or else.

Mother.
Mother, I have to talk to you.

-Mother?
-What is it that can't wait?

Me. Where are you? Outside?

Really, Samantha, you know I'm in
the midst of all my party preparations.

Mother, Darrin is very upset.

Well, it's always nice
to hear news like that, dear.

But I have all sorts of chores to do.

I'm afraid you're gonna have
to forget about your chores.

And forget about the party.

Did I tell you that I've decided
to make it a small gathering?

It makes it that much easier
to keep Uncle Arthur out.

He is definitely not invited.

Mother, Darrin is adamant.

That house has got to go.

I can't hear you.

I can. I heard everything
you said, Sammy.

And everything she said.

Except that part about
not inviting me to the party.

-Fortunately I missed that.
-I'll repeat it.

There's no point repeating it because
there isn't going to be any party...

...because there isn't going to be
any house to have it in.

Now, Darrin said, "Or else."
And you know what that means.

-It means nothing to me.
-It means my marriage is at stake.

Oh, blast the house.

-I hope you're satisfied, missy.
-I'm very grateful.

Fine. I was going to do
my annual rendition of:

"'Twas the Night Before Halloween."

We're gonna miss that?
Gee, I'm all choked up.

Anybody who'd knock anybody else
out of a tree is sick.

Mother, really.

-Uncle Arthur, come on.
-Thank you, Sammy.

About your party,
couldn't you have it somewhere else?

Why, Samantha,
that's an excellent suggestion.

Brazil's lovely this time of year.

A little redoing here,
a little highlighting there...

...and probably a tinkling fountain
might be nice.

Where? Brazil?

-In your living room.
-Oh, Mother, no.

Too late.

Oh, Mother.

Oh, now, what's Darrin going to say?

You didn't expect me to ask my guests
to come here the way it was, did you?

I'll add a few little things
here and there.

Endora, you decorate the way
you do everything else:

In super, stupendous,
glorious bad taste.

I wonder who that can be.

If that's who I think it is....

Oh, it is. It's Gladys Kravitz.
Oh, what am I gonna do?

Allow me.

What are you doing here?

I live here. Now ask me why.

Thank you, Uncle Arthur.

Think nothing of it, Sammy.

Now, what time do you want
the life of the party to appear?

-Meaning you?
-Who else?

How about half past never?

She's joking.

She's not very good at it,
but that's what she's doing.

And furthermore, Mother, as long as
the party is being given in my house...

...Uncle Arthur is invited.

That's blackmail.

Oh, no, it isn't. That's love.

Hi. Oh, hi, sweetheart.
Welcome home.

I was just looking out the window
waiting for you to come home.

Swell, honey, but the neighbours--
Let's go inside.

-Wasn't it sweet of Mother?
-What?

Well, didn't you notice?
The house is gone.

Yeah, I noticed.
I just hope nobody else did.

She couldn't have been nicer.

And all she wanted was just
one small, tiny little concession.

And in view of the large, magnificent
magnanimous gesture on her part...

...I felt the least we could do
was to grant her...

...one small, tiny little concession.

Which is?

To let her have the party here.
And you're especially invited.

Hey, I'm glad to hear that.

I'm being especially invited to a party
that's being given at my own house.

Incidentally, when can I get into
my own house?

In-- In just a minute.

I want to kind of prepare you first.
See, she's done a little redecorating.

You're just full of all kinds
of good news, aren't you?

Can we go inside now?

Well, if you won't let it throw you.

Honey, believe me at this point
nothing can throw me.

Samantha.

-Quite a party.
-Thank you, Durwood.

I flew the food in from
all over the world.

-Personally, of course.
-Of course.

Thank you. Have some champagne,
darling. I'm sure it's a very good year.

-For whom?
-Do have some champagne.

Thank you.

What? What are you saying?

Oh, for Hecate's sake, there are
two full cases on the service board.

It's so difficult
to get good help nowadays.

And don't forget the caviar.

Or did l?

I did. I completely forgot the caviar.

Beluga, beluga
Sturgeon of the Caspian Sea

Send your very best eggs to me

Careful. I bruise easily.

There you are, Endora, dear.
Caviar on the hoof.

How's that for charm?

That man's impossible.

Sam, you're a sweet child...

...but your mother has always been
first, last and foremost a witch.

Come, my darling.
I think this is the house.

Of course. How silly of me.

Really, Boris. Sometimes I wonder
which one of us you prefer.

You're the more beautiful, my darling,
but milk is cheaper than champagne.

Ab--

Let us go in.
I'm anxious to see Endora.

One moment. I want to fix my fur.

Hair, my darling.
Until midnight it is hair.

Midnight? Again?

Boris, why must I always leave a party
just when it's getting started?

Because, my darling,
you are a pussycat...

...and rules are rules.

Your slip is showing.

Abner! Abner!

Boris, how good of you to come.

Endora, my love.

And Eva. I've set aside a saucer
of milk, darling, for after midnight.

-You're too kind.
-Come in.

Gladys, you've called
the police department...

...the fire department and the SPCA.

Who are you calling now? How many
people have to tell you you're crazy?

Councilman Green,
this is Gladys Kravitz...

...chairwoman of the neighbourhood
committee for your re-election.

Crazy but shrewd.

I'd like you to come out here right away
and investigate a very strange party.

I see Boris has brought
his "ghoulfriend."

Go on, darling. It's the best.

Excuse me, darling.

Samantha.

My darling.

How wonderful to see you again.

Hello, Boris. I'd like you
to meet my husband, Darrin.

-I'm honoured.
-How do you do?

-May we have this dance?
-Darrin?

Be my guest.

Well, hello.
I don't think I know you.

I'm her husband, Darrin.

Darrin. What a masculine name.

-Dance with me?
-All right.

I'm afraid I'm not up
with the new dance steps.

Oh, but it's so easy. You just...

...move.

-No, wait.
-What?

There. Oh, I love a man
with a moustache.

Pull in your claws, kitty cat.
He's mine.

Kitty cat?

Genuine alley.

You see, last year
Hagatha gave the party.

And I'll never forget
the appetizers she served.

Boiled tree fungus
with peppered fish fat...

...and sea urchins
with bordelaise sauce.

I'm afraid we'll have
to move back a bit.

Eva is insisting on doing
her little thing again.

Please.

And the second course was boiled
ostrich with sweet and sour sauce...

...turtledove saut�ed
in its own feathers...

...roast parrot, and dormice
stuffed with pork and pine kernels.

-What's going to happen?
-Eva's going to dance. Again.

It's her own creation.
She calls it the Pussyfoot.

Now, I thought you'd like that.

Honey, anything's an improvement
on listening to Uncle Arthur.

By the way,
where's the music coming from?

Oh, we have
our own special hook-up.

Ghost-to-ghost.

That's cute, Sammy.

Sorry.

I forgot to tell you about the salad.

Oak leaves and moss--
Spanish moss, I think.

--with neat's-foot oil and vinegar.

-Really?
-And finally for dessert...

...flamingo flamb�
with fricassee of forget-me-nots.

-How do you like that?
-Sounds delicious.

Delicious? Why, it was revolting.

You weren't even listening to me,
were you?

John, I tell you, this Kravitz woman
is a triple-A kook.

Councilman, one thing you better
learn about American politics...

...is that kooks vote.

-Councilman Green.
-Mrs. Kravitz, how nice to see you.

This is Mr. Morgan,
my campaign manager.

Wait till you see what's going on
across the street.

Mrs. Kravitz, if there is--

Councilman, in case
there is something going on...

...don't you think we ought to arrange
for some documentation?

-Documentation?
-We're going across the street.

Call this number.
When the man answers...

...tell him to stand by for a call
from Councilman Green.

-Who'd you have her call?
-The Morning Globe.

-You want headlines or not?
-Good thinking.

Excuse us just a second.

-Some hors d'oeuvres from Perugia.
-Hey, Sam.

Say, hey, Willie.

-How you doing?
-Fine. Just fine.

-Sam, Sam. Isn't that Willie Mays?
-Of course.

-She's my favourite.
-She's her mother's daughter.

-What's he doing here?
-Oh, Darrin, really.

You mean, he's a-- Too?

The way he hits home runs,
what else?

-Sam.
-Oh, excuse me, sweetheart.

Gee, I think it's about time for me
to pop out to the ballpark.

He sure is.

Well, hello.

You've been ignoring me
all evening.

Well, not intentionally, I'm sure.

There must be something
I should be doing.

This party's being given
in my own house, you know.

Oh, why, that's fascinating.
Tell me more.

And while you're at it,
you can scratch me behind the ears.

Did you see that?

No. If you know what's
good for you, neither did you.

-Expecting some late arrivals?
-No, but we may have some anyway.

See that man?
I think that's our councilman.

-What's he doing here?
-I don't know.

Probably some of
Gladys Kravitz's handiwork.

I don't care what you say, I want
to know what's going on in that house.

It is. He and his friend
are coming to the front door.

-What will we do?
-We do nothing.

Party crashers are my specialty.

That should take care of that.

This is the thinnest house
I've ever been through.

We found a shortcut through the house.
Now all we have to do is find the house.

Eva. Eva, please, I'm a married man.

I know.

Well, I better take care of that.

That's what makes you
so interesting.

Well, Eva....

Rats.

Exactly. Go chase a few.

Sam, did you...?

Didn't have to.
At midnight it happens automatically.

-Sammy, come here.
-Oh, excuse me.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

I got rid of them once.

Persistent little devils, aren't they?

Morgan, there's more to this house
than meets the eye.

There's less to this house
than meets the eye.

Come on, let's try the window.

Come on, John.
Let's get out of here.

We always did make a good team.

John, I've been handling the problems
of this community year after year...

...and I suggest we handle
the problems of this house...

...the same way I've handled all
the other problems of this community.

I suggest that I won't
say anything about it if you don't.

Good thinking.

Everybody. Everybody, quiet.
Quiet, please.

What's Endora up to now?

I'm afraid she's about
to start her recitation.

Oh, no. Are you gonna let her
ruin your party?

-My party?
-Well, it's your house.

You want everybody to leave?

-Is that what they'd do?
-Now stop it, you two.

We'll just have to grin and bear it.
Come on.

Thank you, thank you.

Needless to say, I wouldn't dream
of doing any of my own selections...

...if some of you hadn't insisted.

Now, what would some of you insisters
like me to do first, huh?

Sing "Melancholy Baby."

Endora, apologize.

No apologies needed
for you, Boris.

My first selection will be,
"'Twas the Night Before Halloween."

'Twas the night before Halloween
And all who were chic

Were sipping champagne

They'd been stoned for a week.

The witches and warlocks
In Rome by the score

With their ladies attired
In their best by Dior

Checking their warts
as they came through the door.

And the odd little mortals
All snug in their beds

While visions of trick or treat
Danced in their heads

Our children were practicing spells
And their chance--

And even the poltergeists
pulled off their pants.

I've had it. Did you hear
what I said, Arthur?

I've had it.

I guess that will dampen
your spirits.

Come on, everybody.
Let's take our party somewhere else.

The Riviera?

Venice, anyone?

You gotta say one thing for her,
she's got imagination.

Well, I warned you, Uncle Arthur.

Thank you, Sammy.

Let's put it this way:

It was the most unusual
Halloween party I've ever been to.

It sure beats dunking for apples.

Well, I think it was Mother's
most unusual Halloween party too.

You know something, Darrin?

Among other things,
you're an awfully good sport.

No, it's true.

Not many men would
go through what you have...

...and still keep smiling.

-That's true.
-Darrin.

Well, I....

To show my appreciation for you
letting us have the party here...

...I promise that next year
we'll spend Halloween with your family.

-Thanks.
-And Thanksgiving with mine.

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