Original subtitles

[police sirens] [drums beating]

[fast-paced music]

♪ Its Zero Man ♪

♪ Ba, da, ba, da ♪

♪ It's Zero Man ♪

♪ Ba, da, ba, da ♪

♪ [crowd clapping] ♪

♪ It's Zero Man ♪

♪ Ba, da, ba, da ♪

♪ It's Zero Man ♪

♪ Ba, da, ba, da ♪

♪ Save Fair City ♪

[microphone thuds]

♪ Ba, da, ba, da ♪ [crowd clapping]

[fire blazing]

♪ [heroic music] ♪

[birding cawing]

[water bubbling]

[bird squawks]

Ha ha, oh

Great gleaming blowholes

[water splashing]

Ha ha, easy big fellow.

I'm here to help you.

My field tested kinship with all God's creatures

tells me that something is troubling you.

[tale flaps]

[distressed screaming]

This is worse than some tainted tuna.

That big fish has gone bad.

[head thuds]

But, I refuse to do him harm.

I must rely on my zero intellectives

to get through to him in a language only he can understand.

[horn blows]

Which roughly translated means,

"Me, your friend. Me mean you no hurt."

Or, "Whales suck and blow".

Ooh. That one I don't like as much.

[whale groaning]

[frightened scream]

[body thuds]

[straining cry]

[ZeroMan] Beast beached himself.

Stand back.

He needs oxygen, and lots of it.

[loud farting]

[inhales]

[whale straining]

This is your blowhole, right?

Because I hardly know you.

[victorious music]

[tale slaps]

Whoa!

[girls screaming]

[Les] Farewell, my dear friend.

I'm glad we had the chance to get to know one another.

Bon Voyage!

All's whale that ends whale.

[humored laugh]

Les, where have you been?

Our 15 minute break is almost over.

Oh um, sorry Sally.

Oh, but nature called and I had to answer. [chuckles]

Are you all right?

You look beat.

Well it was quite a struggle. Took a lot out of me.

I even blew a hole in the changing room wall.

Okay.

Oh well, maybe we can come down here again sometime

when we're off duty.

Why would we do that?

If there's no mail to deliver, what's the point?

You know, for fun. Just you and me.

Uh, you mean like a play date?

Something like that.

But I'd have to check with mother first but,

I'd say that it was safe to say-

[Dick] I got it. I got it.

[body thuds]

Boo-yah. The catch of the day.

Touchdown for Big Dick. [coughing]

[football thuds]

Dick. I thought I smelled ham.

Don't we get enough of your crap down at work?

Yeah, but it's my day off.

And I could ask you the same thing.

What's a Uberchick like you

doing sharing a blanket with this?

[Dick] I thought you were ZeroMan's girl.

[record scratching]

I'm not ZeroMan's girl.

Well, then that means you're available.

And this mailman is all male, ma'm.

[muscles squelching]

[Les] Alright, there Dick.

Enough's enough.

You've had your fun, now leave the girl alone, okay?

And what if I don't?

You think you're man enough to handle me?

[Dick] Huh, mutton?

[Les] Oh, I'm man enough all right, ZeroMan.

But we must keep our identity as ZeroMan a secret

and remain true to our vow

of only using our Zero powers for the good of man kind.

And never for personal reasons.

Not even just this once,

because Dick has been asking for it for a long time.

[Dick] Hah. Are you having a senior moment there, mutton?

Huh?

Oh, what?

I said, what are you gonna do about it?

Old man.

Well, what am I going to do about it?

Oh. [laughs]

I'll tell you what I'm going to do about it.

[gasps]

I'm going to turn the other cheek.

Both cheeks in fact.

Come on, Sally.

Hm, gee Les.

For a minute there, I really thought

you were gonna put that blow-hard in his place.

Believe me Sally. A part of me really wanted to.

[Les] But, not the manly part.

[upbeat guitar music]

[Jaundice] Oh, did Leslie have another bad day?

Yes, mother.

Well, here's two vents worth of cheap advice, son.

[Jaundice] Get used to it.

You've been a goody-two-shoes all your life.

It's too late to grow a spine now.

Yes, mother.

[Jaundice] I mean, I'd remind you to tackle that

sink full of dishes and ring out my laundry.

But, I don't know if you're man enough to handle it.

Yes, mother.

I'll get right on it.

Mother of Rike. I've been a push over all my life.

And I'm tired of it.

Tired of being so darn good all the time.

Constipated by my odd cat virtue.

This once, I'd like to be a regular guy.

One that can cut loose

and let the smooth, loose Les out.

Come out.

[Computer Voice] Malfunction.

Nerve center firewall breached.

Computer infected.

[Gary] Whew, boy, what a day.

I'll tell you, the life of

a 10 year old multimillionaire is no picnic.

[Ty] Argh. Tell it someone who cares, Gary.

We've got a virus.

[computer beeping]

[Ty] And we got it thanks to someone using the system

for his own selfish reasons.

Hey, the association

for the appreciation of O-Boy is not self serving.

It's a valuable and informative website

honoring O-Boy and O-Boy related issues.

Created by you.

Well, I am my biggest fan.

Well, congratulations.

So far, your site has attracted zero hits

and one massive worm.

[Ty] A worm that's thrown our whole system out of whack.

[Computer Voice] Poop-chute initiated.

Malfunction eminent.

The poop-chute. Oh, no. No. No.

Not now, Les. Not now.

[computer zapping]

[wall crumbling]

Oh, ZeroMan, are you okay?

[maniacal laughing]

[Les] Whoa-

[bodies crashing]

I'm sorry. Have I dropped in at a bad time?

Oh my God.

There's two of them.

Two times ZeroMan. Two ZeroMans now.

That's zero men.

Nobody likes a grammar-suck.

[fist punching]

Stop hitting myself.

[evil laughter]

Cut it-

Ow-

I'm telling-

Make him stop-

[scared laughter]

I don't believe this. I mean, what happened?

[loud music]

Two ZeroMen. One good and one bad.

[yells and groans]

It must have been the virus.

When the computer blew it must have split him in two.

This isn't good.

No, its bad.

Its very, very bad.

They can't be allowed to get out of our sight.

The ramifications of this evil ZeroMan

getting out into the world would be disastrous.

[glass shattering]

If you're looking for that big meanie, he left.

He left? What do you mean he left?

What, why? Was that wrong?

Should I have gone with him?

No. We needed you two to stay here.

Who knows what he'll do out there.

So you-

you hate me, don't you?

[weeping]

How soon before you can fix the computer?

[tormented crying]

Not soon enough.

[heroic music]

[evil laughter]

[tires screeching]

[dice rolling]

[menacing music]

[dice rolling]

[evil laughter]

Here kitty, kitty.

[cat meowing]

[child crying]

[evil laughter]

[evil laughter]

Boy that evil ZeroMan is ruthless.

I don't know whether to hate it him

or hire him to run my company.

This isn't funny, Gary. If we don't stop that nut,

ZeroMan's reputation will be ruined.

It will be the end of all of this.

If its gone, what happens to me?

I've got a lot invested in this place.

Could this be the end of Plucky O-Boy?

Unless we can find a way to get evil Z-Man

back here and put everything right again,

then, yeah. You can pretty much kiss O-Boy buh-bye.

Will someone please change the channel?

I just know this is gonna give me nightmares.

[weeping]

[Jaundice] Leslie!

What have you done?

There's filth and food and dirty dishes everywhere.

You come out of there right now. Do you hear?

Right now! [fists pounding]

Hey, mommy dearest. Shut your gob.

I'm not the one who's hard of hearing around here.

Leslie. How dare you talk to your mother that way.

And how dare you bring pets into my house.

Hey, relax old girl. Take a pill.

These aren't pets.

They're not?

Heck no. They're food for my snake.

[snake hissing]

Leslie. You get that thing out of my house.

Whatever you say mother.

What in the world has come over you?

You're looking at the new Les now. Get used to it.

But, Les. What about the snake?

And your breakfast?

Two words.

[Evil ZeroMan] Eat it.

[snake slithers]

[police sirens]

What's the situation?

An evil ZeroMan, with hostages.

Uh-huh. That figures.

Everybody back.

This looks like a job for O-Boy.

♪ [triumphant music] ♪

[police sirens blaring]

[uneasy music]

[Evil ZeroMan] Thanks for opening early.

Ill just let myself out.

[metal crashing]

[daunting music]

Hey, scumbag.

[Ty] Ty to O-Boy.

Come in O-Boy.

Have you got him?

Oh, I've got him, alright. Right where I want him.

One squeeze of this here trigger

and Evil ZeroMan will be a quivering puddle of yellow jelly.

Hah-hah.

[Ty] Don't be an idiot, you idiot.

We've been over this already.

You have to bring him back alive.

We need him in one piece. Capisce?

Fine. You're right. Ill be right there.

[Evil ZeroMan] Ty's always right.

Geez, wouldn't your life be a lot better

without Ty Cheese holding you down?

I know mine is.

[car alarm beeping]

Oops. I hope you didn't need that.

No, it was-

due for service anyway. And if you're gonna finish me off,

at least let me die with dignity, okay?

And make sure all my fans at ataboy.com

know that I took it in the ear, on the chin.

[crying] Like a man.

[laughing] Geez, talk about asking for it.

I've got a better idea kid.

[evil laughter]

[Computer Voice] System threat eliminated.

Computer operational.

You fixed it, yay.

Can I get you a beverage? A hot tall?

You certainly earned it.

Thanks, but no. This isn't over yet.

We still need Gary to come through on his end.

[machine booms]

Hi, Gary. Tell us about your day.

Yeah. Gary. Tell us. [stressed laughter]

I'd be curious to know a few things myself.

Like, starting with, where the heck is Evil Z-Man?

Hm, I decided to let him go.

There's been a slight change of plans.

A change of plans? Listen up, Gary.

I make the plans around here. Understand?

Not anymore, you don't.

[fretful chattering]

Gary, put that down. You'll hurt someone.

Yeah, Gary.

What do you think you're doing?

Something I should have done a long time ago.

I'm cutting the cheese.

Bye, Ty.

[laser beaming]

Oh yeah, it feels good to be bad.

Don't it, kid?

Oh yeah.

[cheerful music]

Hey, Uberchick, listen to this one.

Happy Birthday Sheldon.

[gleeful laughter]

As if anybody would be happy with a name like that.

[laughter]

Hey, do you want to get us fired?

You can't open other people's mail.

The mail is sacred.

Les Mutton taught me that.

It's also empty.

Have you lost your mind?

What's wrong with you lately?

Nothing a little female can't handle.

What do you say?

I say that hair dye has soaked through to your brain.

If you ask me, I don't like this new Les.

Listen, Sally.

This new Les takes what he wants, when he wants it.

[watch beeping]

What do you want, kid?

I'm in the middle of wrapping something up.

It's your other half.

After seeing what's happened to Ty, he's gone nuts.

He's hysterical.

He won't stop screaming.

[afflicted screaming]

Then, stick to the plan.

What about all of his misery?

Only ZeroMan can wack ZeroMan.

I'm just a sidekick.

In training.

[sighing] Never send a boy to do an evil man's job.

Fine.

I'll be right there.

[frantic screaming]

Scream all you want, brother.

There's not a sympathetic ear for miles around.

[punch thuds]

[Gary] I wouldn't say that. Would you, Ty?

Heck no, Gary.

I'm a very good listener.

Ty's alive.

He didn't go bye-bye.

Ty's alive?

Why?

Why didn't Ty go bye-bye?

I guess I missed.

Never send a boy to do an evil mans work.

Why you dirty, no-good, double-

[laser beaming] [screams]

[smoke hissing]

We're sorry to put you through all that

because we know how sensitive you are.

But, it was the only way to lure him back.

Lure me back?

To do what?

[chair screeching]

[machine whirring]

[heroic music]

[tree crunching]

[heroic music]

[air whirling]

[loud farting]

[key clinking]

[cameras flashing] [crowd cheering]

Ah! Oh, no. Turn it off.

What are you doing to me?

Its pretty technical, actually.

But by bombarding your mind with images of

kindness and super-good behavior,

we hope to recondition you

as a force of good.

Not evil.

Or destroy you trying.

[water dripping]

We'll know in the next three or four hours.

Four more hours of this?

So, Gary. Tell me again

why you had all these restraints built into my chair?

Oh. [chuckles]

Oh, look. Dolphins.

[dolphins splashing]

You fool. Can't you see?

You can't kill me without killing him.

Owie. Ow.

Oh, make it stop.

It hurts. It hurts.

It hurts!

Hey what's the matter buddy?

Too many sour gums-

Oh crap.

I think he's right.

We can't destroy Evil ZeroMan

without killing the good one too.

But, what if this doesn't destroy him?

I mean, what if it just makes them both rally nice?

Then we're stuck with two of them.

[strained screaming]

[body thuds]

[groaning]

[evil laughter]

He's loose. And really, really mad.

ZeroMan. Do something.

[hand slaps]

You're our only hope.

[frantic crying]

[loud screaming]

Nothing and no one can stop me now.

The new ZeroMan is here to stay.

Then after I take care of you two,

I'm going to take real good care of Sally.

My Sally?

No.

My Sally.

Soon to be the evil Mrs. ZeroMan.

[evil laughter]

Oh you terrible man.

Nobody talks about Sally like that.

You take that back, you big savage.

[punches thudding]

Does he always talk like a waitress?

Here, let me show you how to throw a punch

like a real ZeroMan.

[punch thuds]

[drums beating] [frantic screaming]

Boy, talk about beating yourself up.

And with both of them immune to harm,

this could take awhile.

[frantic screaming]

[heavy rock music]

[water splashing]

[struggled groaning] [heavy rock music]

Ouch.

Got any queens. Crap, you know I do.

[beating guitar music]

This hitting has got to stop.

It only proves that violence solves nothing.

You're right.

We're both too invincible.

[body thuds]

[guitar screeching]

Just imagine what a team we'd make.

What are you saying?

I'm saying join me.

Together we'll rule the world as the invincible Zero couple.

Yes.

What?

Togetherness is the answer.

I will join with you.

Hey, hey, hey. Whoa.

I'd keep your pants on.

I'm not that crazy.

Divided we stand. United we sit.

Yes. Good thinking ZeroMan.

If the affected computer split them,

then a virus free system should return them to normal.

Well, thanks Captain Obvious.

Oh, you fool. You'll kill us both.

I don't care.

If I can't have you inside me, I don't wanna live.

Ah, no.

No!

[computer beeping]

ZeroMan, is it you?

Say something.

What's with all this smoke? [coughing]

Smells like more of Ty's incense burning,

or that I left my wood burning kit on again.

Its him alright.

It's okay, ZeroMan, really.

Everything's fine.

Yeah, just the way it should be.

Well, almost everything.

Just to be sure, why don't you take a load off.

Let's see what we can do about this 'do.

So you see, Sally,

as a result of that virus,

and the hair-dye soaking into my head,

I just haven't been myself lately.

Its okay, Les. Really.

I'm just glad you're your old self again.

Although, I have to admit,

it was nice to see the bold, outspoken Les for a change.

Who's to say that that Les is completely gone, Sally?

Because this Les has something bold and outspoken

to say to you.

Yes, Les?

[watch beeping]

Oh, my beepers going off.

We've got a domestic cry for help, ZeroMan.

An elderly woman trapped by a snake.

Oh, right.

Oh, it's past his feeding time.

Les, what is it? What's wrong?

Relax, Sally.

Nature calls, gotta go.

Not completely gone he says?

Ha, same old Les.

[ZeroMan bouncing]

[funky guitar music]

♪ Zero ♪

♪ Man ♪

♪ Here comes hero man ♪

♪ Zero ♪

♪ Man ♪

♪ Countdown has started ♪

♪ Lookin' for a hero man ♪

♪ Five, four ♪

♪ Three, two, one ♪

♪ Here comes ZeroMan ♪

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