Original subtitles

Sarah: These tomatoes are going really well.

Surprisingly, I haven't even mulched them. Uh-huh.

And I actually grew this basil from a cutting.

Do you want to try some?

Uh, about 6:00.

Look, if you're so bored by my garden,

maybe some of my other friends might actually support me.

You don't have any other friends.

Stacie's my friend.

Remember when I dug up a dead dog

and put it in her car on muck-up day?

That was sick. Yeah, actually, that was really mean.

Oh, come on! Everyone loved it.

And it was 12 years ago.

She would have gotten over it by now.

Wow. Has it really been 12 years since high school?

Yeah. And look how far we've come.

You know what? That's what we should do tonight.

Let's have a little impromptu reunion.

"Heyyyy guys! Long time no see haha.

Small gathering tonight @ mine.

Would luv 2 catch up! Love heart."

[ Gasps ] This will be so much fun.

I can't wait to show off my new garden.

Shut the fuck up, Sarah.

Computer: Hello, Lucas.

[ Sighs ] No, not now, Computer.

I'm in quite a conundrum at the moment.

Bah! I don't know what I was thinking,

accepting this love-potion side quest from a damned mermaid.

I would have to re-spec my talent tree to be an alchemist

when I've already grinded so hard to become a tech wizard.

Social media notification.

You have just been invited

to Wollongong High School reunion by Sarah.

Sarah invited me?

This is it!

This could be the night I finally get my kitty!

I must prepare my best party cloak.

[ Birds chirping ]

[ Gasps ] Oh.

[ Twinkle! ] Hey there.

Oh, hi.

Um, I think this is private property.

It's alright.

I was just about to leave anyway.

Oh, no, you can stay.

Sorry. I just said that because, um, um...

Do you like my garden?

[ Chuckles ] That's actually why I'm here.

You know, I've batted around for years,

and I've never seen a garden so beautiful.

I really rate these tomatoes.

Oh, my God, really? Thanks.

Anyway, I should probably get out of here.

It was nice to meet ya.

Wait. I'm having a small gathering tonight.

Do you maybe want to come? [ Chuckles ] Sure.

As long as your party can handle a handsome "wingman" like me.

Ahh!

Um, I don't -- I don't get it.

'Cause, like, I've got wings, you know, or...

Oh, no, totally. Oh, my God.

That's so funny. You're so funny.

Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Wait, wait, wait. Shut the fuck up for a second.

Wait. Hold on. [ Recorder chimes ]

[ Scatting ]

♪ Tomato, garden, brown-haired girl ♪

Sorry. When my musical inspiration hits me,

I have to get it down on voice memo.

Oh, wow.

You're a musician, too?

Yeah, kind of a protocol child. No big deal.

Anyway, yeah, I'll see you tonight.

Bye-bye -- or even "bat-bye."

[ Chuckles ] See ya.

[ Indistinct conversations, club music plays ]

Hey, Sarah. Thanks for inviting me.

Hi, Stacie.

So nice to see you after all these years.

Please accept this flower crown

and tell me something you're grateful for.

Oh, well, I guess I'm grateful

for the love of my husband and my kids.

You're married? Five years now.

Uh, sorry I didn't invite you to the wedding.

We just haven't talked in a while, you know?

[ Shrill voice ] Stacie! How have you been?!

Where's Dave?! Good, good.

He's with the kids.

Look out! Mom's got a night off!

[ Chuckles ] I reckon.

How -- Oh, how's Anna? She's good.

Trying to get her small business off the ground.

No, I think he's at a bucks night tonight.

Well, while you're all getting married and having kids,

I've been giving birth to this garden.

And I've actually got a boyfriend, too,

who's coming soon. He's a musician.

Both: That's cool.

Do you and Rachel still hang out?

No offense, but she was kind of scary.

Yeah, fuck, man! I hated her!

Really? I thought everyone liked her.

Yeah, and I just rolled up to that shit party.

Yeah, alright. Later. [ Cellphone beeps ]

Who was that? Dunno.

Just dialed some random number.

Oh, hi, Rachel.

[ Straining ] Oh, hi, Stacie. How are you?

Are you still working as a checkout chick?

[ Chuckles ] No. I'm a neurosurgeon now.

- What? - Yeah. It's long hours,

but I'm lucky that Dave stays home with the kids.

And honestly, it's not even about the six-figure salary.

It's about the connection I make with my patients.

Cool. I have a garden.

[ Doorbell rings ] That must be my boyfriend.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you,

I invited a bunch of random dickheads.

Rachel! This is supposed to be our school reunion.

Ladies, watch this. [ Grunts ]

Impressed? That's nothing. Check this out.

[ Grunts ]

You punch yourself in the head, too?

Yep. Been doing it since I was a kid.

Well, this is gonna sound weird,

but do you want to be friends with me?

Yeah, I guess so.

You can be the first member of my army.

I'm gonna be an empress.

Yeah, whatever.

I don't know who you are, but you're gonna have to leave.

Nah, he's cool! He's with me!

You can stay, Jayden.

[ Mutters ] Man: Whoo!

Who are all these people, Sarah?

Sorry. I'm trying to get rid of them.

No, I'm just surprised.

I didn't realize you had that many friends.

Let's get this party started!

[ Groans ] Jesus.

Stood up too fast.

Alright.

I'll get the fire pit going.

♪♪

Oi. You want to come to my house and play "Ogre Kart 64"?

You're lying. "Ogre Kart's" not even out yet.

Got a burnt copy from Planet Bali.

You fucking legend.

[ Groans ] Why did I tell everyone I had a boyfriend?

He's not even coming.

[ Gasps ]

Hey! I'm so happy to see you!

Good to see you, too.

Huh?

My fucking ogre is lapping your shit ogre.

I'm about to be the king of "Ogre Kart 64"!

I win.

What?! No, I won fair and square!

[ Sobs ] You're mean!

[ Sobbing ]

Big meanie! [ Sobbing ]

[ Recorder playing ]

Have you guys met my boyfriend?

Sarah, can you be quiet for a sec?

I'm trying to listen to the music.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, of course, babe.

[ Growls ]

Step away from her this instant.

I'm the one that deserves Sarah.

I've been wooing her for ages.

Oh, I know.

I did it to hurt you like you once hurt me.

As soon as I saw you were attending this event,

I knew it was my time to strike.

Huh? What do you mean? I've never met you.

Don't you remember me from high school, Lucas?

Don't you remember our little games?

Lucas, you're drowning. What do you want to do?

Hmm. Is there any driftwood?

You see a door floating nearby.

I reach out for it.

I allow you a strength check

to see if you can pull yourself up.

Success. You've done it.

You seize the door, you clamber on, and it's keeping you afloat.

Now you notice that Fiona, my lady love,

is within arm's reach.

She's drowning, too. What do you do?

Hmm. Is there room on the door for two people?

Yes. Yes, there is.

Hmm. How much does Fiona weigh?

What? S-She is of average weight.

Average weight for a girl.

Hmm. What is she wearing?

A dress, man. She's a woman.

You said she was a girl. A woman is heavier than a girl.

And dresses get rather weighty when wet.

Uh, Fiona is only three feet away, Lucas.

She splutters and coughs and reaches for you.

You can save her.

Hmm. Sorry. It's too risky.

I watch Fiona slip beneath the waves.

[ Thunder crashes ]

Everyone knows it's always story over rules.

Just like you didn't care about Fiona,

I don't care about Sarah.

I care about...revenge.

What? Touché, old friend.

But what you didn't anticipate is that I've learned

some judo tricks on YouTube over the years.

Aaah!

[ Both grunting ]

[ Tearing ]

Oh, I-I'm sorry. [ Stammering ] Ah!

Calm down, everyone. No harm done.

I can regrow it. See?

[ Crowd gasps, chatters ]

Was all that true? I thought you were my boyfriend.

Didn't we have something special?

I guess people can get hurt in a revenge story.

Least you can say you were part of my epic quest.

[ Sobbing ]

[ Sobbing ]

Oh. Hey. You okay?

No. I've never experienced a person that mean before.

You mean Rachel?

Yeah, she smashed my controller

and kept showing me scary death videos on the Internet.

Yeah, Rachel's been doing that to me for 10 years.

10 years?

Why would you be friends

with the shittiest person in the world

for longer than 10 seconds?

Uh, well...

Wait. Is that how I make other people feel?

That's it!

I must mature...

as a person.

Ohhh!

Wow. I'm grateful I went through the awful experience

of meeting Rachel, because it helped me grow up.

Well, you have a safe night, Sarah.

Goodbye.

Wait. Tell me how you did that.

The fuck was that? Are you crying?

Of course I'm crying.

I have no career, no children.

My boyfriend dumped me.

And Stacie is a neurosurgeon.

So? Who cares?

You got your garden, don't you?

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Come on, let's go back to the fuckin' party.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Hey, there she is -- our hostess with the mostest.

Give it up for Sarah.

Now let's pick things up.

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Crowd cheers ]

Hope no one minds, but I've dusted off the old ax.

Let's jam.

You guys need a front man?

Yeah. Why not?

It's going to be a bloody stupid groove.

[ Up-tempo music plays, crowd cheering ]

Ah, you fool, Lucas.

You never should have attended that party.

Oh, it was so humiliating!

And all I got was this stupid wing of bat!

"Wing of bat"?

The first ingredient of the love potion

is exactly what I have procured tonight?

The chances of that are...

One in 7.2 trillion.

Silence, Computer!

This cannot be more than a mere coincidence, unless --

[ Gasps ]

This is my true journey --

to create a love potion to make Sarah love me.

Yes, it all makes sense now.

Sarah has a garden.

Rachel wants to be an empress.

And I, Lucas, will be an alchemist.

[ Laughs evilly ]

This is my destiny!

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0