All language subtitles for Velma s01e08 A Velma In The Woods.eng

[Velma] Previously on Velma...

Oh, no, Dad!
I need you to believe me

that Mom was kidnapped,
or I'm gonna die!

Okay, okay, I believe you,
I swear! I believe you.

You're weird,
sure, but you're also sweet and amazing,

and deserve to be treated well.

Anyone who makes
you feel like you need a crown to prove that

is the monster, Norville.

Oh! Damn, girl.

How'd you get all that ass
in those little slacks?

-[breathing ominously]
-Ahhh!

We have found a pattern.

[crowd gasps]

Each of the victims is hot.

-[man] Wow.
-[woman] Oh!

Well, I wasn't able
to convince the town

to keep a curfew
to protect them from the serial killer.

But it won't matter.

Now that you have
the serial killer's cellphone,

I know you're gonna catch him
and find your mom.

I'm not going to school.
I'm not going to school.

From the moment
Daphne and I met, it was special.

[chimes tinkling]

Get outta here, you old bag!

We had other friends,
but they were like granola bars,

only there for emergencies.

-[all singing]
♪ Happy birthday ♪ -Let's go, Daph.

♪ To you ♪

-[school bell rings]
-Sure. We had hit a bumpy patch

when my mom disappeared
and Daphne got hot.

[all laughing]

Let's go, Daph.

-I'm Norville.
-You are who I say you are.

But after
almost dying together,

and nabbing the serial killer's
cellphone at Fog Fest,

it felt like we were
finally back to the way things were meant to be.

Daphne.

Thelma, can you
help me find Fred?

He's missing,
and I know your people are great at tracking.

Sorry, I'm busy.
And I've told you, I'm not Navajo.

Let's go, Daph.

I'm really glad

-we're finally friends again.
-Same.

Oh, my God, I'm so mad,
we're friends again!

[voice echoing]
We're gonna die down here, Daphne.

And it's all your fault!

[Daphne] What?

You are the reason
we're pinned by a rock in this ravine!

If we die, it's your fault!

My fault?
Nothing is ever my fault!

[groaning]

Okay, Daphne,
if you were a serial killer, what would your password be?

I've tried "mustache fan",
"I took the red pill", and "van owner."

-[typing on phone]
-Daphne?

-Daphne!
-[message alert chimes]

What have I told you
about texting during my times of need?

It's nothing. Relax.

Hey, you two knuckleheads
claim to be cops.

Can you hack
the serial killer's phone?

Unfortunately,
without proof that's the serial killer's phone,

our hands are tied.

But Daphne can definitely help.

She has
phone hacking experience

-from "The Incident."
-Mom!

"The Incident?" What's that?

In my family, "The Incident"
refers to the time

my mom danced
with a male waiter on a cruise.

"The Incident?"
[chuckles nervously] Oh, it was literally nothing.

Oh, wow, look at
all those homeless people.

Each one, a different story.

Uh, if it was
literally nothing,

why are you
changing the subject?

[chuckles nervously]
I'm not changing the subject.

But wouldn't you agree
that the strongest use of flashbacks on TV,

is when
one character's flashback is intercut with another's

to eventually combine
in the present storyline?

[gasps] You are totally
changing the subject.

You are, Daphne.

But it's interesting.
You're saying if this was a flashback

in your point of view,
in order for it to be earned,

we'd have to cut to...
I don't know, Fred?

Exactly.

I like it
when they use a title card with the character's name

when they cut to
a different flashback.

Now, that feels lazy.

It's stylized. It's Tarantino.

What is "The Incident?"

Whoa, where... Where am I?

Hey, let me out!

My parents will
never pay ransom.

They thanked the North Koreans
when they kidnapped my brother.

[Brenda] Fred?

Is that you?

Brenda? But I was
at your funeral. I got so wasted.

[Krista] It's not just
Brenda, Fred. Lola and I are here too.

Typical, even now,
Brenda has to be the center of attention.

[Brenda] Oh, not this
shit again, Krista.

[Lola] Guys, stop fighting.

No boy is worth
sloshing your goo over.

-Ahhh! [groans]
-[thuds]

I still say it's more seamless
without the title card.

And I still say my old job
as a television executive

makes me worried audiences
won't be able to follow it.

Hey, is that the black light
from the Halloween we went as a sexy crime scene?

I'm still technically
grounded for that.

Yep. My moms use it
to criticize

how well the other one
cleaned the bathroom.

But we can use the light
to tell which numbers

the serial killer presses
most often, by the smudges.

Ah-ha! So you did hack
into someone's phone.

Wait. Was "The Incident" me?

-No.
-Mmm.

[sighs] But a while back,
I was low-key obsessed with someone.

I lost my mind for a hot second
and hacked their phone to see if they liked me.

They didn't. End of story.

Oh, so, like me
and Neil deGrasse Tyson.

That's all you had to say.
But who the hell was it?

Velma, focus.

Opening this phone
is the key to finding your mom.

[Velma gasps] The password
is one, two, three, four.

Yeesh, is the serial killer
my grandpa?

[typing]

Shoot, he was careful.

No messages, no mail, no nudes.

Wait. He accidentally
took a photo in the woods.

[Daphne] That's Mount Crystal.

This is huge.
We're going there tomorrow.

And on the car trip, you will
tell me about "The Incident"

while I will either laugh
or scream at you.

[sighs] Fine.

-[message alert chimes]
-[gasps] Wait, hold on.

[Velma] Who do you
keep texting?

It's no one.
Don't worry about it.

Hmm.

[Fred] Y... You're alive?

-How?
-[Krista] All we know,

is that whoever took us
plans to put our brains in someone else.

Oh, my God, Velma was wrong.

The ghost of Edna Perdue
is back to finish her work.

-[stuttering] Ghost?
-[stuttering] Velma?

Has the absence
of our popularity left such a void,

you're now
hanging out with Velma?

Uh, no.

[sighs in relief] You going
from Daphne to Velma

is worse than going
from a beloved cartoon to a playful reimagining.

Totally, right?
Though Daphne and I did break up.

Well, isn't that perfect?

Fred Jones is finally single,

and here I am, just a brain.

I'd actually say it is perfect.

Because I just learned
the hottest part of a woman is her brain.

-Oh, did you?
-Yes, Brenda.

[blows] Or should I
call you Brain-da?

Jeez, get a jar, you two.

-[knocking]
-Daphne, come on.

It's time to go look for
the serial killer in the woods.

And yes, saying that
out loud for the first time,

it sounds like
a terrible idea. But...

Hey, Velma, look.
I'm sorry it's so last minute,

but I can't go.

What? Why not?

I brought
your favorite snacks, water, and pictures of Tom Holland.

Now let's go, Daph.

[suspenseful music plays]

Olive? What are you doing here?

And the only answer I'll accept

is using your long ass arms
to change light bulbs.

Today, Olive and I
are taking pictures

for the sexy calendar we sell
to fight discrimination against hot girls.

-What?
-Without our tireless work,

beautiful actresses would
never have the chance

to win awards
playing unattractive women.

I was gonna
tell you last night,

but after you heard
about "The Incident,"

-I was worried you'd freak out.
-Freak out?

I'm famously chill
about everything.

-[grunts]
-[shatters]

Why would I care

if the night after I learned
you were obsessed with someone

you wanna play Terry Richardson
with Olive?

Wait, hold on.
Was Olive "The Incident?"

Velma, we can talk about this
when you get back. I have to go.

This is my long ass arm
saying goodbye.

Come on, Daph.
For May, let's try a picture

where I'm only wearing flowers
on my privates.

[Daphne] Shh!
Let's discuss inside.

Ahhh! Ahhh!

Velma, what's happening?

I'm having
a deadly hallucination.

I thought those were over!

Me, too. Being so close
to finding my mom must have triggered it.

But go shoot your calendar.

I'm sure I won't have
another one in the woods and die all alone.

[groans]

And that's why
this is your fault, Velma. You're so possessive,

you faked a hallucination
just to keep me from hanging out with Olive.

No, no. This isn't
Velma's fault, Daphne.

It's Norville's.

Yeah, Daphne,
this is Norville fault.

But just to be clear,
how exactly?

It started when we got home
from Fog Fest.

-[Gigi] Mmm.
-[kissing]

Well, I should go.

Your father likes
to tail me home,

and I don't wanna
keep him up too late.

My parents are
actually out of town.

So, could you be a gentleman
and unzip me?

Oh, say no more.

I do this for my mom
all the time,

now that she's perimenopausal
and constantly bloats.

Goodbye to
her reproductive years,

but hello to womanhood's
beautiful final chapter.

-You're good.
-Mmm.

[message alert chimes]

Wait. Gigi, Is your cabin
up by Mount Crystal empty?

Maybe. Why?

No reason.

Well then,
you better go rest up.

You, too.

The last thing we want
are canker sores from a lack of sleep.

Olive, I'm sure Fred
hasn't gone missing.

He probably just got stuck
in his gold pajamas again.

-[explodes]
-Damn it! Not again.

[steaming]

I told you to poke holes in it.

Why am I such an idiot?

I'll never make it as a brain.

My parents always say
it's my worst attribute.

You'll be fine, Fred.
And there's a lot of upside.

Like, you'll never have to
touch an old person again.

Thanks, babe.

And maybe one day
we can connect our jars,

like one of those
hamster houses.

I'd like that.

But do you think
what we're feeling is real,

or are we just making the best
out of a terrible situation?

Like, when I got a tan
at my grandma's funeral?

I honestly don't know.

But it sure seems real.

Seems real?

I didn't ask if it seems real.

I asked if it is real, Fred.

You know what?
Just put me back on the table.

I can't believe
I let you drink from my jar.

[Gigi] Ahhh!

Norville, what are
they doing here?

Hey, Daphne. Hey, Velma.

Why wouldn't they be here?
The woods belong to everybody,

thank you very much,
Teddy Roosevelt.

But this was supposed to be
a romantic getaway for two.

[harp music playing]

I have been hinting at this
since we started dating.

Hints? What hints?

[kissing]

-[screeching]
-[grunts]

You know, we don't have
to sneak around.

I have a cabin in the woods.

-[crowd cheering]
-[kissing]

Ugh. Hey, so remember
when I mentioned my cabin in the woods?

[moaning]

Norville, I wanna go with you
to my cabin in the woods.

I'll go.

I thought you were bragging.

My parents have
a timeshare near Area 51, but I feel tacky mentioning it.

Okay, but then why did you
wanna use my cabin?

We're looking
for the serial killer.

There was a picture
of Mount Crystal on his phone.

Hold up. The serial killer
is near my cabin,

and you didn't tell me,
the hottest remaining girl at the school?

I wasn't expecting you
to be here.

Also, for what it's worth,
Daphne is technically hotter.

You just have
a mildly better personality.

[sighs in exasperation]

See? If Norville
could take a hint or read a signal,

we wouldn't be stuck here
like a 127 Hours reboot

with a bigger,
more diverse cast

that old people
will gripe about.

Fine. I might not be great
at reading signals,

but I am great
at sending them from my emergency homing beacon.

-Everyone cheer for Norville.
-[beeping]

-[helicopter blades whirring]
-[Gigi] Whoo-hoo!

-Yay, Norville!
-[Velma] Yeah!

[woman] Falcon Two has visuals.

Preparing to lower
for extraction

[man over radio]
Copy that, Falcon Two.

But we need you
to abort mission and return to base.

Abort mission?

Sir, if we don't
pull these kids out right now,

they won't live
through the night.

[man over radio]
That's a risk we'll have to take.

Fred Jones, the son of
a wealthy white family, has gone missing.

All local units are being
diverted to the search, effective immediately.

Sir, when I became
a helicopter rescue person, I took an oath.

And I'd rather die
than break it.

-Yay!
-[all cheering]

Have any of you
seen Fred Jones?

What? No.

That tracks.

[sighs] Okay, guys,
since it looks like this really might be the end,

I have a confession to make.

[sighs]

This is all Daphne's fault.

Velma, stop.

We have to figure out
how to get out of here.

We don't have
time for another--

It's embarrassing, Norville!

How is it embarrassing
to be considered the second hottest girl in school?

Well, third,
if you throw in my mom.

-Hey, maybe we should go?
-[crunching]

This is super juicy,
but live streaming it will drain my battery.

And I'm only here
for your hallucinations anyway.

Hallucinations?
Well, Velma doesn't have those anymore.

I mean, you wouldn't know it,
given how tired and puffy she still looks,

-but that's all sodium intake.
-I knew you were lying.

You slept
the whole car ride here.

It was like sitting
in the front row of a dolphin show.

I'm sorry,
but can you blame me?

Just when we finally reconnect,

I learn you have
some other friend you're obsessed with.

-Ugh.
-[Velma] Where are you going?

There is a serial killer
in the woods.

Or worse, a celebrity
doing a social media cleanse.

I don't care.

I'm so mad at you for lying,
I'm walking to town to find Wi-Fi,

and even if I don't find it,

I would rather
call an actual taxi from a stranger's landline

than spend
one more second with you.

-[gasps]
-That makes two of us.

I cannot believe I wore
edible underwear for this.

-[door slams]
-Do you think they'll be okay?

And did Gigi mention if there's
more edible underwear?

-I'm starving.
-They'll be fine.

Well, Daphne will be at least.

Is that a joke?
Daphne is too pale for the outdoors.

Her skin crisps
like a rotisserie chicken.

No, she's fine
because she's alone with Gigi.

Apparently, before you
and Daphne reconnected,

or whatever it is
you guys are doing,

Daphne had a thing for Gigi.
She even hacked her phone.

Wait, so the incident
wasn't Olive, it was Gigi?

[gasps] Oh, no.
And I just drove Daphne right into her arms.

Velma, come on.
I think you're overreacting.

Oh, my God!

For the first time
in your life, you weren't reacting enough.

-What's going on here?
-Velma, stop!

Gigi said there was a cave
down in that ravine,

so we came out
to try and see if that's where the serial killer was hiding.

But then the outcropping
started to break off under our weight.

Your weight? Please.

Legally, both of you
should still be in car seats.

-[cracking]
-[rumbling]

[all screaming]

[all thudding and screaming]

-[thudding]
-[Daphne] Ahhh!

Oh, my God, I'm so mad,
we're friends again!

[voice echoing]
We're gonna die down here, Daphne.

So Daphne's obsession with Gigi
is why we're gonna die here,

sitting in puddles
of our own filth.

I'm not in a puddle
of my own filth. Are you guys?

But more importantly,
Daphne hasn't been obsessed with me for a year.

Does no one read my blog,
Gigi's Juicy Journey?

It's true. I'm not obsessed
with Gigi anymore.

[sighs] But this is still
all my fault.

Wait, what? For reals?

Because, honestly,
I was really grasping at straws when I blamed you.

No, it's my fault.

I know
you're possessive, Velma.

But I've always said
it's one of my favorite parts of our friendship.

Said? Said to who?
Was it Gigi? I'll kill her.

Yes, I love that.

I was abandoned by my parents,
so I like feeling wanted.

And when we stopped
being friends,

I tried to recreate
what we had.

But the only other person
who's ever found me irreplaceable

is the captain
of my tug of war team.

Why not tell me that?

Because after all
our ups and downs,

it felt really good
to see you jealous again last night.

Hold on. You wanted me
to get jealous and rage out?

Yes, but I didn't
expect you to lie about your hallucinations

-just to drag me to the woods.
-[rumbling]

Help! The rock shifted.

It feels like
I'm flying Southwest.

Wait, if the rock can move,
one of us can wiggle out

and to avoid issues of sizeism,
it should be me. [grunting]

Ahhh! Stop!

Velma, it's too tight.

One of us can get out,
but only if

we pick someone
to be crushed to death.

[suspenseful music playing]

-[rumbling]
-Ow!

-Gigi, what are you doing?
-I picked.

This is Velma's fault,
because everything crazy that happens

is Velma's fault, Norville.

-It's Daphne's fault, Norville.
-It's Velma's fault.

Interestingly, we're trapped
in an actual fault.

[all] Shut up, Norville!

-[all grunting]
-[rumbling]

[all screaming]

-[thudding]
-[all groaning]

[Velma gasps] Oh, no.

Was that bathroom graffiti
prediction about me right?

Did I die and go to hell?

No, from the look
of these crystals

and the smell of horny bats,

this must be an extension
of the Crystal Mines.

The Crystal Mines?
[gasps] Of course.

That would explain
how the serial killer moves around unseen.

[gasps] And if he
took a picture around here... Mom!

Mom! [echoing]

Velma, shush.
Our fall caused structural damage.

If we're not quiet,
this whole place could collapse

quicker than
our tenuous friendships.

[cracking and rumbling]

-[screams]
-[thuds]

That's it.
We're getting out of here right now, Norville.

We need to have
a little talk about us.

About us? Why?

You just saved Velma's life
instead of mine!

Hey, we're gonna head out.

Look, I know
it's dangerous to be in here, but I have to find my mom.

And maybe we should have
a little talk about us, too.

And no changing
the subject this time.

Yeah, okay.
But have we even discussed how the federal government

just kind of admitted
that there are aliens?

-[rumbling]
-[groaning]

What was that?

Oh, no. Krista, wake up.

We fell asleep.
I have to get you back on the table before--

[Brenda] What the hell?

Krista, you hooked up
with Fred?

Fred said you broke up.

Babies, hey.
Freddie can explain.

[Lola] And can you explain
how you also hooked up with me, Fred?

[Krista and Brenda] What?

Yes, I can actually.

Please don't be mad
I manipulated you, Velma.

I'm not mad. I'm shocked.

You've always been
the good one in our friendship.

You don't laugh when I trip,
even though I always laugh when you do.

Well, then maybe we're both
too messed up to be friends.

It's clearly not working.

[sighs] I think you're right.

So, maybe it's time
we tried being girlfriends.

Girlfriends? Seriously?

[Fred] I'm sorry. I'm a...
I'm a flawed man.

And that flaw is
that I love too much.

[both] Fred?

-[grunts]
-[thuds]

[chuckles softly]

You all mean so much to me
because of this crazy shared experience.

[sighs] So many memories.

Lola's brain-ceanera,
Krista's pregnancy scare...

No matter what happens,
we are bonded for life.

And that's bound to lead
to some relationship weirdness.

We are the Fleetwood Mac
of a guy trapped in a cave with some brains.

Only, a landslide
won't bring us down.

Well, when you
put it like that, maybe you're right, Fred.

-[door creaking]
-[Fred] Oh, no!

The ghost of Edna Perdue
has finally come for me.

Eat brain, ghost. [grunts]

-[Brenda screaming]
-[clunks]

-Velma?
-Fred, what are you doing here?

No time to explain. I'm free.

[gasps] It's Brenda's brain.

Yeah, bitch. And don't say it
like it's more shocking

than you hanging out
with Velma again.

-[gasps]
-[thuds]

Dry your tears, world.
Fred is back!

-[voice echoing] Back!
-[rumbling]

Oh, no!
Now I have to yell louder

to be heard
over this collapsing cave.

Help!

[echoing] Help!

Krista and Lola are here, too.

We discovered
the serial killer's lair.

What do you mean, quote,
"Discovered it?"

We were already here.

Yeah. Nice colonial
mindset, Columbus.

But how is this possible?

Who would keep
their brains alive?

Not that I'm not super excited
you're still around, ladies.

[Velma] It's like what I said.

Someone is trying
to recreate Dr. Perdue's work.

Which means...
Brains, where's my mom?

Indian woman. Lots of opinions
on weight and personal hygiene.

[Brenda] The only person
we've seen is that freak in the welder's mask.

What? But that's impossible.
My mom has to be here.

-[rumbling]
-Guys, something's causing the cave to collapse!

-[all screaming]
-[Lola] This is what happens...

[voice distorting]
...when you invite unpopular girls, like Velma

-to a party.
-[electrical buzzing]

Velma, we have to go!

You go. Take the brains.

I know my mom is here
and I'm not leaving until I find her.

Oh, God.

Velma, you'll never make it.

You can barely
clear a jump rope.

Leave the brains.
They wouldn't save you. Trust me!

No. I need to learn to be cool
with your other friends.

Ahhh!

She's not gonna make it!

[grunts] Oh, my God,
I made it.

Wait. Am I secretly athletic?

-Oh, no!
-[cracking]

Don't let them plant a tree
in my honor!

-[woman] I got you!
-What? Who?

Oh, my God! Mom!

That's right, Velma.
Mom is here.

It's all gonna be...
[grunting] Okay.

Ahhh!

It's okay. We've got you
dried up, old version of Velma.

[Fred and Daphne grunting]

Mom, it's you.
I finally found you.

I knew you would.
I thought about you every day.

[rumbling]

Hey, not to
interrupt the moment, but we really need to go.

Follow me.

[Diya] Yes!

It's still here.

-[angelic choir singing]
-[honking]

Mom, whose van is this?
Why did they take you?

And what were
they planning to do with Dr. Perdue's research?

I'll tell you everything
when we get out of here.

Now, get in this mystery...
Jalopy.

[Scooby-Doo music plays]

[engine rattling]

Oh, god,
there's no exit anywhere.

Who am I? Jean-Paul Sartre?

Did you get that, Mom?
No exit? Like Sartre's seminal play about hell?

I do. Very good.

I've missed you
constantly seeking my approval.

And I've missed constantly
needing your approval.

-[crashes]
-[screams]

Guys, please.
Less reconnecting, more not dying.

We're not gonna die. I think.

-[engine revving]
-[rumbling]

Uh, we might actually. Oh, boy.

-Hold on!
-[tires screeching]

Velma, what principle
of physics am I using?

[gasps] Centripetal force.

-A-plus.
-[thuds]

[grunts] Jesus Christ,
just watch the road!

Daphne has become very rude.

Tell me you're not
still best friends.

-Uh...
-[engine revving]

-[thuds]
-[tires screeching]

Sunlight! There must be
an opening.

Wait, no, it's lava. Crap.

[all screaming]

I've just finally realized
that all the problems we have

are because
you still like Velma.

Gigi, that's insane.

No one knows my heart
better than me.

Not even Mary J. Blige.

And if I'm lying
about liking you, then let her send me a sign.

[rumbling]

[all screaming]

[cracking]

[all screaming]

[tires screeching]

Oh, my God, we made it!

Fred's alive!

I am never having
a scary adventure in a van again.

Now may I
hug my daughter, Daphne?

Yes.

[both sigh in relief]

[Velma sobbing with joy]

Hey, I don't wanna
ruin the moment,

but the brains
are starting to smell.

[theme music playing]

-[Donna] God, you're okay.
-[reporter] It's a special day

here in Crystal Cove,

as one of our worst nightmares
comes to an end.

That's right. Fred Jones
has been found alive.

What's more, Fred seems to
have single-handedly located

the brains of
the murdered hot girls

and their cleaning lady,
Diya Dorkly.

Though one big question
still remains.

What is the cleaning lady's
immigration status?

-[woman] Okay, time to go.
-[growls]

Velma, It's okay.
I'll see you at the hospital.

But, Mom, you still haven't
told me who did this.

Who took you?

I didn't tell you yet?

It's... I...

I can't remember.

[gasps]

[theme music playing]

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