Original subtitles

[Velma] Previously on Velma...

No!

My hallucinations are finally over.

"Jinkies" is written in your mother's handwriting.

She was just here.

He is the future CEO of Jones Gentlemen's Accessories!

Is he, though?

But I had to find you

because I still didn't know if you'd listened to my VMs,

voice mails, let alone responded.

Gigi almost died.

She was stung by a bee

and the nurse was out of adrenaline shots.

[Principal Rogers] Your mom opened the lab and...

-[roaring] -[screams]

[voice echoing] The ghost of Dr. Edna Perdue

has returned to finish her work!

-[footsteps approaching] -[heavy breathing]

[screaming]

[Velma] So, at long last, my hallucinations were cured.

Damn it!

I was able to completely focus on finding my mom

and the serial killer who took her.

Oh, come on.

But first I had to figure out why she'd left behind the word "jinkies" for me to find.

Since my mom wrote mysteries, I started by reading

all her old manuscripts looking for the answer.

But the only thing I found in them was a cure for my insomnia.

[message alert tone]

So, then I thought it might be the serial killer's license plate number,

-[beeping] -Ahhh!

But it wasn't his license plate,

nor was it JiNKiES, the party clown,

who'd fallen off the radar awhile back.

Jinkies! The clown!

Velma, I have to talk to you.

Not now, sorry.

[Velma] But wherever I looked,

it was just dead end after dead end after dead end.

Ahhh!

Oh, God! Sophie! No!

[gasps] There's a message written on the wall, in her blood.

Oh, God, if she's dead, who's gonna clean that up?

[reading] "Aman, will you

go to the Crystal Cove Fog Festival with me?"

-[screams] -[Velma] Ahhh!

Demon! Back to hell with you!

Velma! Stop! This was a fogposal.

A fogposal?

You know, like a promposal, but for Fog Fest.

Fog Fest?

You know, the one night a year all of Crystal Cove comes out

to celebrate its world famous spooky fog.

And pick a Fog King and Queen.

Celebrates?

It's a word meaning... Are you having a stroke?

No. I know what fogposals and Fog Fest are.

What I don't understand is how it can still be happening

with a serial killer on the loose.

What happened to curfew? It was working.

Curfew is over! Because it's not a serial killer...

[in spooky voice] ...it's the ghost of Dr. Edna Perdue.

[lightning crashes, thunder rumbles]

And curfew can't stop a ghost, Velma.

That's just basic physics.

Blythe went to the press? But this is crazy.

People would rather believe in a ghost,

than stay inside for a few nights

-just so they can party? -[pops]

-Ahhh! -What's that?

Look, you're not the only one worried about curfew ending, Velma.

Which is why no girl will be admitted to Fog Fest without a date to protect them.

Smart, right?

Wait, girls have to have a date? Great.

So Fog Fest is not only dangerous, it's sexist, too.

Okay, well, at least I know the police aren't buying this ghost crap.

-[police sirens blaring] -[Chief] Attention!

All of you wondering why the police have not yet caught the serial killer,

it's because it's a ghost and not because we're incompetent.

Now let's get ready to party!

[all cheering]

[groaning]

[Fred] But most of all,

I owe the honor of winning Fog King to my Fog Queen...

[sighs] ...Velma Dinkley.

-[slobbering] -[Mr. Jones] Velma?

[laughs] Is that a joke, Fred?

Or are you being serious?

Or is it that cable comedy thing where it's both?

No, I'm serious.

A girl-killing ghost is living in our basement.

In the grand scheme of things, who cares if I'm attracted to a nerd?

Fred, we have no issue with you liking an intelligent woman.

Our problem is you're going to take over

Jones Gentlemen's Accessories someday,

and yet you seem to barely grasp what it is we sell.

Not true. We sell ascots, cufflinks, and for the ladies,

bags that make other ladies feel poor.

No, Fred, we sell the best.

And Jones Gentlemen's Accessories is sponsoring Fog Fest.

So, if you can't prove you're the best

by being named Fog King, how does that make us look?

Like assholes, Fred.

Like assholes.

You can't win with Velma.

So, either you find a way to come home with that Fog King crown,

or do not come home at all!

[school bell ringing]

Gigi, come on.

Norville was a bad boyfriend.

He ignored you when you almost died from a bee sting.

And his grandmother is 100% a ghost

who's killing our friends.

I know, but I still wanted him to ask me to Fog Fest.

Guys, it's a serial killer, not a ghost.

-[spooky roaring] -[all screaming]

-Norville? -Gigi, ghosts are scary,

but nothing's scarier than a world where we're not together.

Will you go to Fog Fest with me?

-What? -Mmm.

I'll have to think about it.

But if I say yes and the ghost of your grandma steals my brain,

that's it, we are through.

I understand...

...boo. Get it?

No.

But that's what I love about you.

[clicks tongue] Oh, who am I kidding?

Of course I'll go to Fog Fest with you.

[kissing]

[huffs]

-Norville! -Oh, my...

You're going to Fog Fest?

You can't actually believe this ghost BS about your grandma, too.

You're a man of reason.

You talked me out of my flat earth phase.

Of course, I don't believe in ghosts, Velma.

But I really hurt Gigi's feelings by ignoring her calls,

and I will do anything to make it right.

So, I need Fog Fest to happen.

And honestly, I think you need Fog Fest, too.

What? No, I don't.

My anger is rooted solely in this town's selfish desire to party

instead of stay inside and stop a serial killer.

Velma, come on.

No one loves celebrating all the crazy stuff that happens in our fog

more than you.

From entering the fog in one place

and coming out another...

[Velma chuckles]

-[gasps] -[Norville] ...to thinking you see a monster in the fog...

-Ahhh! -[roaring]

[Norville] ...only to realize it's just someone you know, holding something weird.

[sighs]

[Norville] You even like how things can somehow

farcically switch places in the fog.

[both laughing]

[Norville] You've been working on that "jinkies" clue for days.

The best thing you can do is let off some steam.

And what is steam,

-if not hot fog? -[Velma sighs]

I don't know. Maybe you're right.

But girls have to have a date to go.

And my bottom of the barrel kill myself desperation date is taken.

Oh, I'm honored you'd think of me,

but why not just ask who you always used to go with?

Hmm.

Hey, Daphne, can you believe all this dumb ghost stuff?

[screams] Oh, God, it's another ghost!

The ghost of Velma.

Someone make it disappear by trying to talk to it.

Yeah, yeah, I know I've been MIA, but what--

-[smacks] -Ow!

-What the hell, Fred? -Go to Fog Fest with me.

-Please. -[smacks]

Stop throwing money at my face.

You're supposed to scare me, not hurt me.

No, Daphne. Fred's really asking me,

and I'm supposed to be scared

he's back into basic hot girls who work out and wear non candy jewelry.

Oh, if only that were true, my buttery little beach ball.

-But I am asking Daphne. -Huh?

I have to be Fog King.

[gasps] Excuse me?

-[slaps] -Ah!

Wait, you said Fog King, not f...

In that case, I will happily go with you, Fred.

-Yes! -But, Daphne!

Are Fred and Daphne are back together?

[sighs in exasperation] What does "jinkies" mean?

-[door opens] -[Aman] Well,

-we're off to Fog Fest. -[Velma] Have fun.

I'll just be here, alone, catching the serial killer.

It's a ghost.

You know what? I'm not gonna let you ruin my fun.

[car honks]

[phone beeping]

[phone vibrating]

[Velma from house] Daphne. Daphne!

-[dial tone ringing] -I see you ignoring me.

[scoffs] Yeah, what's that like?

Wait, and now you're drinking?

That's uncharacteristic. What's going on?

-Ahhh! -[squelches]

[suspenseful music playing]

[Velma] Wait.

I forgot I also used my mom's terrible manuscripts to kill spiders.

[gasps]

[Velma reading] Detective Diya Jinkies held the note

in front of a candle flame, and a secret message appeared.

"I ache for you, Detective Jinkies.

Love, Santa Claus."

Mom, gross! [gasps] Wait, that's it.

[gasps] A phone number.

[suspenseful music playing]

[cell phone dialing]

[dial tone ringing]

-[cell phone ringing] -[heavy breathing]

-[phone connects] -[heavy breathing]

Hello?

[Velma] Is this the serial killer?

You better not make a skin suit out of my mom

just because brown don't crack.

-[phone disconnects] -Damn it, he hung up.

Okay, Velma, what did you hear?

There was a crowd, a roller coaster,

and a foghorn.

Oh, my God, the serial killer is at Fog Fest.

-My queen. -Aw.

[eerie music playing]

-[knife slashes] -[heavy breathing]

Okay, girls can't go to Fog Fest without a date,

so our only hope of getting in, is makeup.

Like a lot. Like, I'm talking

40-year-old actress had an audition.

[dance music playing]

Single guy, you can enter. Woman with a date, you can enter.

Next!

♪ Yeah, go, girl Go, girl ♪

♪ You the man! You the man! ♪

♪ Yeah, go, girl Go, girl ♪

[Velma] Evening, officers.

♪ You the man! ♪

♪ Yeah, go, girl Go, girl ♪

My name is Manny.

And as you can tell by my mustache, I am a male human,

and not at all related to Velma Dinkley.

Okay, sir, I don't need you mansplaining who you are to me.

There's something funny about you.

Not LOL funny,

but more thoughtful and well observed,

like a female driven comedy.

Uh, are you suggesting I am a woman dressed as a man?

Because if you are...

-Nut tap! -Ahhh!

Very good.

Only a true man would know the joy and camaraderie

found in the surprise tapping...

[groaning] ...of another man's testicles. Ahhh!

And now, to find the serial killer.

-Nut tap! -Ahhh!

-[giggles] -That is assault.

[all screaming]

[man vomiting]

[Velma] Where is he? Where is he?

Where is the serial killer?

[dial tone ringing]

[Velma] Ring. Ring.

-[cell phone ringing] -[Velma gasps] There he is!

Wait. Why aren't we dropping and puking?

I see the serial killer!

[all shouting] It's a ghost, you idiot!

-[groans] -Also, sorry, my guy.

But I paid the carny to keep us up here for a bit.

No, I have to get down now. He's getting away.

-[grunting] -Norville, what's going on?

Gigi, I have something very important to ask you.

I told you no, I'm not wearing elf ears when we make out.

Uh, no. Look, I am so sorry

I ignored your calls, when you almost died from a bee sting.

I know how belittling it feels to be sent to voicemail by someone you like.

I'm talking about Velma.

-I used to really like her. -I know.

Well, you deserve better than that.

So, I am here tonight to ask...

Gigi, will you be my Fog Queen?

[gasps]

-[whooshing] -[all screaming]

No, I can't die! Sophie's gonna put a treadmill in my room!

-[shot firing] -[kids laughing]

Hey, guys, I'm Fred Jones.

Vote for me for Fog King,

or I will make it my life's work to destroy you.

What?

-[all cheering] -Norville?

[crashes]

Where'd the serial killer go?

Mmm.

Who is that tasty snack?

[dial tone ringing]

[huffs] Well, at least I seem to have

scared the serial killer away from Fog Fest.

[chomps]

Stop staring.

I know I'm eating like a caveman

in a natural history diorama, but I'm having a bad night.

[Olive] We're not disgusted.

We're impressed.

Can you teach me how to unhinge my jaw like that?

I wanna join a sorority.

Impressed? But that's such a double standard.

Every day at lunch, you're like, "Hey, mayonnaise isn't soup."

We've never met before, but I'm Olive.

As in O-live-to party.

-[chuckles] -Cool.

Well, I gotta squirt.

Oh, my God, and you're hilarious.

-[people cheering] -[dance music playing]

Norville, what the hell is this?

You really think you can beat me for Fog King?

Yes, I do.

You're gonna be a big Fog King loser.

-[roaring] -Guys, guys.

Since we're already on the dance floor,

how about we settle this the old-fashioned way?

[Norville and Fred] Dance-off!

Ugh, those feel played out.

I was thinking a fight-off.

It's like a dance-off, but with fists.

-Oh, uh, I don't think that-- -[grunts]

-[all cheering] -Norville, please!

Being Fog Queen isn't that important to me.

Gigi, stop!

You're only saying that because you're so damaged

by being sent to voicemail by Velma, I mean me,

that you don't think you deserve a crown.

But I... I mean you do deserve a crown.

-[all cheering] -Ugh.

[toilet flushing]

Oh, my God, that was amazing.

Guys put zero pressure on you to wash your hands.

Even though I didn't catch the serial killer,

at least tonight's not a total loss.

Ahhh!

Who are you?

-[exhales] -Uh, Manny, the man, Jonas.

You remind me of my friend, Velma.

Wait, so we are still friends?

-What? -Uh, nothing.

Well, I like this song,

and my date is rolling around on the ground with another guy.

Care to dance, mysterious Manny?

Oh, I'm a terrible dancer.

My body is really only built to ram things.

[Daphne] Don't care, we're dancing.

Ahhh!

[dance music playing]

[all cheering]

Oh, my God, Manny. It's so cute

when guys pretend dancing is lame and half-ass it.

You don't find it annoying?

You've clearly studied dance for years,

and yet any bozo can take over a dance floor just by doing the worm.

What's that? You're gonna do the worm?

Hell, yes, you are!

No, I'm not doing the worm.

I'm not even allowed to do it without a note from my doctor.

[all chanting] Worm! Worm! Worm! Worm!

-[groans] -[all] Worm! Worm!

[grunting]

-[all cheering] -Yes, finally!

Wait a second. As a guy, everyone thinks

my worst qualities as a girl are awesome.

-Nut tap! -Ahhh!

We're impressed.

-[urinating] -Ah! Yeah!

That's it! I know how to convince everyone

there's still a serial killer on the loose.

-[microphone feedback] -Everyone.

I have something to say.

And as a man speaking authoritatively,

you're going to listen to me and you're going to believe me.

Ghosts are not real.

-[booing] -[gasping]

Look, I know that as Americans, we wanna party.

But curfew cannot end because the serial killer is still on the loose.

[crowd gasping]

That's what my daughter's been saying.

But for some reason I believe it more from you.

We all do.

[sighs wearily]

Okay, well, we're safe for tonight

because I scared the serial killer off.

But tomorrow, curfew's back on, okay? What do you say?

What do we say?

We say, Manny for Fog King!

[crowd cheering] Manny for Fog King!

Wait, really?

[The Jones's] What?

[laughing]

Okay, this is bad, but we can still win.

Gigi, do you trust me?

-No, not at all. -And why would you?

I wrapped your self-worth up in a crown and failed to deliver it.

-Fortunately, I have a plan. -[sighs in exasperation]

If you fall off the pier and I rescue you...

Holy crap!

No wonder men are so desperate to hold onto their power.

This is the easiest shit ever.

As a guy, I can do anything.

So I say, "Lady, I'll give you the parking spot when you stop being a bitch."

[crowd laughing uproariously]

♪ A cool breeze Blows along my way ♪

[yawning]

[woman gasps]

♪ There's no time to work It's time to play ♪

[crowd cheering]

[all chanting] Manny! Manny!

-Oh, yeah! -[all] Manny! Manny!

No crown, no home!

What? Can I at least get my jade roller

and $10,000 for emergencies?

-[slaps] -Ahhh!

-[all] Manny! -Manny for King of the world!

[all cheering]

I bet you'd be great at Fog King.

[gasps]

[gulping]

Hey, so I should probably go before this goes too farce...

Uh, far, I mean.

[gasps]

Whoa, hey. You're, like,

drunker than a cool babysitter. You okay?

Honestly? No, Manny.

I'm drinking because I've had a terrible couple of weeks.

I know we just met. But can you keep a secret?

Uh, am I a woman just pretending to be a man?

I mean, yes.

Okay, so I'm adopted.

And I located my birth parents.

But they turned out to be criminals!

Criminals! Oh, my God.

Why wouldn't you tell Velma?

That, uh, super cool and attentive bestie you mentioned?

I've tried.

But unless you're helping her find her dumb mom,

she has no time for you.

Okay, well, a missing mom is pretty big.

My criminal parents also abandoned me!

Like I was a puppy after quarantine.

Oh, that's awful.

I'm sorry.

But is that bigger than... No, no, you're right.

A good friend would have been there for you,

even if your thing wasn't worse than her thing.

Still, this Velma kind of sucks.

Thank you, Manny.

I can't believe I told you,

but I feel like we have this crazy connection.

Do you feel it, too?

[soft music playing]

I, uh, do.

But look, I really need to tell you something.

I'd be super psyched to kiss you right now.

I bet you would, Velma.

-[ripping] -Ow!

That's my actual mustache, Fred. I just didn't shave it.

-Velma? -Uh, no?

Uh, yes!

I've dreamt of those calloused longshoremen's hands touching my face for weeks.

So as soon as she slapped me, I knew.

I'm so sorry, Daphne.

Ugh, I'd punch you, if men didn't sexualize women fighting.

Baby, come on. You're acting hysterical.

[sighs] Damn it!

Okay. And now to officially

announce this year's Fog King. You all know who it is.

-Wait! Mother! Everyone. -[microphone feedback]

I just learned that Manny is actually Velma Dinkley

in disguise, and... [mumbles indistinctly] ...to be Fog King.

[crowd gasping]

-Oh, my God! -What?

Hold on. Hold on a second.

If Manny's a female interloper,

is or is not the serial killer a ghost?

Look, if we're being honest, just like everything else these days,

the serial killer is whatever you need it to be to feel your best.

And speaking of your best, who wants to make me Fog King?

We all would, Fred!

-Yes! [grunts in satisfaction] -[crowd cheering faintly]

If we hadn't just given it to Norville.

He rescued a girl who fell off the pier.

-[crowd cheering louder] -[groans]

I was pushed!

-[microphone feedback] -[Norville chuckles nervously]

Thank you.

First and foremost, I need to say, "You're welcome"

to my deserving Fog Queen, Gigi.

I knew this crown would restore your self-worth.

Gigi, are you out there?

-[fog whooshing] -Gigi?

Gigi?

[grunts]

Ahhh!

Daphne, I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you I was Manny,

but as a guy, there's so little consequence for your actions.

I was, like, "I'd be an idiot not to at least try and go for it."

Ba-ba-booey!

You know, the sad thing is, I'm not even mad at you.

I'm mad at myself for letting you find

yet another way to disappoint me.

I know, and I'm mad at myself

for being selfish and a bad friend,

who only makes time for people who can help me find my mom.

Maybe we should both be guys

and just stop caring about feeling so much.

If you were a guy, you'd die of gonorrhea within the year.

Yeah, but what a year.

Anyway, I didn't mean to blow you off.

I just feel guilty ever doing anything other than looking for my mom.

Can you forgive me?

Hmm.

-[heavy breathing] -[gasps] Watch out!

[gasps]

[groaning]

[screams]

[both screaming]

Gigi! Where are you?

The king and queen are supposed to tastefully grind on the dance floor now.

[suspenseful music playing]

[grunts] That belongs to me.

It belongs to the people.

We are a constitutional fog-archy, damn it!

[amusing music playing]

-[roaring] -[Velma screams]

Ahhh!

-[squelches] -Huh?

-A churro? Ha! -[baby coos]

[roaring]

Huh?

Hmm.

Ah!

Whoa!

Norville, stop!

Going through doors like this isn't physically possible.

Oh, God, you're right!

My entire perception of reality is crumbling.

Wait, no, it's just a ride.

[Norville] Oh, [sighs]. Now come back here!

[dramatic music playing]

[both gasping, panting]

Velma, look. An old-timey photo booth.

We can disguise ourselves.

Daphne, that's stupid.

It will take at least five minutes to change.

Who would ever stop to put on a costume in the middle of a chase?

[all gasp]

-[roaring] -[Velma screaming]

Shoot. The serial killer disappeared in the fog.

Yeah, but by fog rules, he still has to be nearby.

-[dial tone ringing] -[cell phone ringing]

-[all gasp] -Wait, Fred has his phone?

Okay? For the last time. Are you, or are you not, the serial killer?

I'm not. This dumb thing

must have gotten swapped with my crown in the fog. So, like,

I know it's bad he killed a bunch of girls,

but if I don't find the crown right now,

I'm gonna have to spend the night in my limo.

Also, come to think of it, has anyone seen Gigi?

I'm worried the serial killer got her.

-[gasps] -Oh, no!

[both groaning]

Wait, no. There she is, by the exit.

Gigi? Wait.

Are you a man who's been disguised as a woman this whole time?

A Gi-Joe?

No. I switched clothes

with a dumb carriage driver in the dumb fog.

Not that you care.

Not that I care?

Are you upset? How? You won Fog Queen.

You showed the world you don't deserve to be ignored by people you like.

You ignored me all night trying to win those Fog King crowns.

Oh, my God, you're right.

I'm a monster.

[sighs]

No, you're not.

You're weird, sure, but you're also sweet and amazing,

and deserve to be treated well.

Anyone who makes you feel like you need a crown to prove that,

is the monster, Norville.

[squelching]

Wait, me? Why are we talking about me?

This whole thing was only ever about you and your emotions.

[scoffs] Yeah, okay, my King.

A crown! Oh, I can go home.

Who's pathetic now, Father?

Well, I wasn't able to convince the town

to keep a curfew to protect them from the serial killer.

But it won't matter.

Now that you have the serial killer's cellphone,

I know you're gonna catch him and find your mom.

And after that, I will focus on only things that you wanna do.

Like complaining about girls I thought you were friends with.

I'd like that, thanks.

[clown cackling]

[snickering]

[laughing]

Oh! Damn, girl.

How'd you get all that ass in those little slacks?

Ahhh!

[closing theme music playing]

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