Original subtitles

[spider-man] the shield tricarier. Pretty cool, huh?

I'm totally used to it.

In the super-heroing business,

There are very few moments when this spider gets to

Really cut loose, you know?

Have a little fun.

Yah!

Kiyah!

These shield lmds are rather simplistic

Yet entertaining.

This is our little game of "whack-a-dummy."

Lmds otherwise known in shield circles

As "life-model decoys".

Sock them and drop them.

[grunts]

Hey!

Are we that good?

I'm barely breaking a sweat in these "training sessions".

[beeps]

Night of the life-model decoys.

Now, on to round two.

Gah!

[grunts]

Something's wrong.

Guys, is it just me,

Or did these lmds just get lm-deadly?

I suggest a quick retreat to assess our--

Yeah, well, looks like we're gonna have to "assess" with our fists.

I'm cool with that.

Spidey sense!

[strains]

Huh?

What's it going to take to put these lmds down?

Sessions over. Ready room, now.

Details withstanding, this lmd attack was a test

By the techno-terrorist going by the handle "arcade".

A mutant terrorist who can control tech.

Arcade?

His manifesto,

Which hit the internet yesterday,

Outlines his childish yet deadly intent.

But not to worry, we have a seasoned pro on this.

My top guy will be arriving soon.

We only have 24 hours before he cracks the combination.

Combination to what?

This. [white tiger] nuclear missiles?

How serious is this?

Once he cracks the code he'll launch the missiles

Against random global targets.

He's gonna start world war iii.

As some sort of sick joke.

Not if I can help it.

Whoa! Captain america, the living legend returns.

All right! Don't worry, nova.

This legend won't be living for long.

Fury!

Fury, what the heck are you doing?

Stand down! Uh, sir?

At ease men, I know you're just doing your job.

Whoa! Did you just knock out the director of shield...

With your shield?

[static hisses]

[nova] another life model decoy?

[laughs]

Is anyone else super creeped out?

[laughs]

[computer whirs]

Arcade, why are you doing this?

Are we having fun yet?

Uh, I think that'd be a no from everyone.

Aw. That's too bad.

I guess we'll have to turn that frown upside down.

Who likes fireworks?

[laughs]

You think this is funny?

Oh, I take my games

Deadly serious.

24 hours and then it's sayonara.

I really needed that.

[fury] cap, we don't have the luxury

Of going through diplomatic channels.

Especially, with where you're going.

Let it be an amusement park. An amusement park.

Madripoor. [groans]

Intel cross-channeled arcade's hack-job

And we've pinpointed it smack dab in the center of that den of thieves.

All the better. In and out.

Like old times.

See you in a few, fury.

See you in the funny pages.

And where do you think you're going?

Well, I guess since it was

A crazy fury lmd that told me not to go,

I'm sure the actual fury wants

His top ultimate spider-man on the mission.

Not so fast.

I don't care how this is presented.

It's hardly a game.

The powers that be hand-selected cap for this op.

He's got the experience,

So that means you're sitting this one out.

Is it too late to get crazy lmd fury back?

[rumbling sounds]

[beeps]

Um, hi there.

What are you doing here?

I know, I know. Fury warned me off this mission,

But I just couldn't help myself.

We rocked as a team last time, remember?

Who wouldn't want an encore? Heh.

You really want me to answer that?

Nice view. Are we there yet?

Whoa! Spidey sense blaring.

Oh, we're in danger? Good to know.

[alarm sounds] huh? [beeps]

[arcade] be sure to stow all tray tables

In their upright positions, captain.

This plane's a-goin' down.

[laughs]

Strap in.

Why's he doing this?

Probably to crash the plane.

That evil genius.

Hold on to your webs.

Huh?

[screams]

I'm so glad I stowed away.

We got incoming! Unclip on my mark!

Now!

[grunts]

Follow my lead, soldier!

Ohman-ohman-ohman-ohman-ohman!

[strains]

[screams]

Woo! Oh!

That's the idea, spider-man!

Yeah, that was totally on purpose.

And he sticks the landing.

[computer whirs]

It's too late to go back, so follow me like a shadow.

Right now, brace for more enemies.

You kidding? We totally cleared this level, cap.

This isn't a game.

This has all been a game.

It's almost too in your face.

Trust me. I play every chance I get.

I know a game when I see one.

I consulted on "shield of honor", you know?

Well, yeah.

It's a game based on you.

Enough talk. Time to fly silent, spider-man.

Keep your eyes peeled and stay close.

[horn honks]

[whispers] hold here. Wait for my word.

Uh, why can't we just whisper?

The signal coordinates say this is the place.

It is?

Looks like the fun started without us.

[growls]

[grunts]

If he's your idea of fun,

You can count me out.

[spider-man] wolverine?

Someone's been upping their game.

Uhh, you want to take this one cap?

Let's see what you got.

[neck pops]

[yells]

[grunts]

Uh-oh.

[announcer] versus.

Why did it have to be wolverine?

[pants]

[grunts]

[growls]

[grunts]

[strains]

[growls]

Uh-oh. That snikt means it just got serious.

[strains]

There's only one substance

That can withstand my adamantium claws,

Vibranium.

So fury sent you too?

Yeah, he thought I could smell the difference between

Current gen lmds and you.

To be fair, you are the only person I know

That smells like authority and vintage aftershave.

Oh, classic team-up shenanigans.

How'd you get stuck with this annoying bug?

Hey!

Never mind that. Back on mission.

What do you know about this arcade?

Arcade's a slippery one.

A mutant that can talk to anything electronic,

Big or small.

It looks like he's going for big.

"wipe out a small country" big.

Ugh. Is it weird that your voice is like claws on a chalkboard?

Just stay out of my way till you've got a few more battle scars, bub.

Don't battle scars hurt?

Agent, get cap on the horn. I need a progress report.

We've been trying, sir, but there's something scrambling our sat-comms.

Not surprising.

Do we have sat-imaging on wolverine?

[computer whirs]

Negative, sir. He's scrambled as well.

Good, he's in madripoor then.

We played arcade's way, now let's see him play mine.

Arcade's in the building.

[sniffs]

I can smell him.

And yet, you can't smell yourself.

[growls] cut it you two.

Wolverine, play nice.

Spider-man, you're the stowaway,

So stop picking fights with a man that has

The world's sharpest knives on his hands.

What? You can't be--

So I'm the third wheel here?

[monkey squawk]

[spider sense hums]

Guys? All claws on deck!

[grunts]

Doppelganger surprise.

Whoa!

Players ready?

What was that for?

So we know who's who.

Quick thinking. Now get ready!

[announcer] fight!

[growls]

We don't give an inch!

[grunts]

[grunts]

How is no one else seeing that this is all gamer strategy?

We're fighting our "dark selves"?

[cries out]

Heh. Lucky strike.

Stop playing around, kid.

Normally I'd feel embarrassed by this,

But then I remind myself

That they have almost 200 years of combined experience

And I feel better.

[static hisses]

Look out!

[spider-man] k.O.

[grunts]

And the winner by knockout is me!

[wolverine] what are you yapping about?

You didn't see that? I just saved your lives.

Yeah. Anyway. We're on the right track.

They're old lmds all right.

Old shield lmds. How--

Arcade's infiltrated shield easily.

Who knows what tech, he's got his hands on.

How about you quit flapping your heroic gums

And let's find out.

Ugh. Arcade.

Aloha, heroes and wolverine.

[growls]

Arcade's the name

And boy-goshgolly,

Wouldn't you know, worldwide mischief is my game.

You have no idea what you've just walked into.

I'm positively green with envy,

So step right up weary travelers!

Welcome to madland!

Population: You...

And them.

[roars]

Yikes. I mean, hulks.

[roars]

You guys get the green guys.

I'll get the lasers.

[roars]

They don't have the power of an actual hulk.

Trust me. [grunts]

[beeps]

[growls]

[growls]

[spider-man] spidey smash!

Oh, yeah.

[growls]

We need to finish this! It's just a distraction!

[strains]

Get to the hole!

Who made the kid leader?

Just do it!

What now?

[spider-man] level three.

Watch your backs for the hulks.

They're not coming.

What makes you so sure?

That level's clear.

What? That is the dumbest--

Level three.

Fight!

Keep focused. Who knows what's out there.

Aw, so he's playing with us. That's right.

This place doesn't operate on your rules,

Your experiences.

It operates on arcade's.

It's video game logic.

Well, it ain't a game to me. I have the cuts to prove it.

Really? Where?

What? It's called a healing factor.

Aw. Concussions, bruises and cuts.

Are you kidding, wolverine?

This is the greatest game ever!

The game of life and death.

[computer whirs]

Tick. Tock. Boom!

[laughs]

Have you ever wondered what would happen

If us mutants got what was coming to us?

I have.

Seriously? This supposed to scare me?

I've seen the real thing, bub.

No!

[growls]

[grunts]

[cries out]

No!

I can't believe wolverine. He's--

I've seen him come back from worse.

We need to keep moving.

Gah!

We so got this.

Shield of honor?

Yup. This is your game, right?

Not quite.

[spider-man] evil alien robots in shield of honor?

That's new.

And so is this weapon bonus.

Do your magic. I can manage.

No, cap, you got to play the game!

Cap!

[grunts]

[growls]

Wolverine? I thought you were fried.

Somehow arcade got a hold of an actual sentinel.

Shot me into a trap-door in the wall.

First shield tech, now sentinels?

[grunts]

[arcade] 32 hit combo! Power up!

Time's running out.

[captain america] what's he supposed to be?

Boss battle. Every level's got them.

What are you doing?

Trust me.

Fastball special!

[yells]

[arcade] players earn bonus xp.

What was that?

You gained a power-up

And I used it. This is all gameplay.

Spandex rules need not apply.

Okay, fine. What's next?

That.

[robots chitter]

Well then, what do ya got, junior?

We don't have time for this. We got to cheat.

Arcade may not be playing by our rules,

But that doesn't mean we have to play by his.

[electricity snaps]

Okay. Now what?

Be back in a jiff.

Kid's smarter than us.

He's not retreating, logan. I hope.

Have you met this kid? He's an amateur.

That's the sentinel that fried me.

Extreme level up. Now, I'm playing sentinel.

Whoa!

[beeps]

Yeah!

[grunts]

Huh?

Sentinel slam!

Sentinel stomp!

Sentinel scorch!

Sentinel stare!

Saved by a sentinel, who-da thunk.

Good work, soldier.

[grunts] ah!

Cheaters never prosper.

Says the mutant mad-hacker trying to blow up the planet.

Grr. This game was made for wolverine and captain america!

You're not even supposed to be here!

What can I say? I'm a bonus character.

Arcade's mad, good. What now?

I'm guessing fight?

Final battle to save the earth.

Fight!

[grunts]

Spread out.

Attack high, low, and from the sides.

I got these.

[beeps]

We've got to find its weak spot.

Take out its weapons!

My turn.

[growls]

[grunts]

[electricity snaps]

That's it.

I've got to get to that laser cannon.

Yeah and fast.

[growls]

Hey, cap, can I borrow your shield?

Be my guest.

I'll try not to scratch it!

Game over, arcade.

Nice finishing move quip.

A wolverine compliment?

Yeah. That just happened.

[arcade grunts]

So close.

Just one more code digit!

[growls]

[gasps] no!

I'm so close. So close to power.

So close to winning!

So close to respect!

Wow. I expected more of a mastermind,

Not a master-whiner.

Arcade, I presume.

And the winner, spider-man.

Cancel the nuke codes.

[beeps]

Done. Don't hurt me.

[beeps]

[computer whirs]

[beeps]

It stopped.

One number left and he didn't--

Spider-man, tell me,

Am I going to ground you or court-martial you?

Um, I accept payments of high-fives

And pats on the back. Mission accomplished, sir.

Feel free to come in for clean-up.

Why did you ignore a direct order?

To gain experience points? Duh.

After all the rookie talk,

I have to admit, you did good today.

He's a natural.

Some of us seasoned soldiers

Can learn a lot from his experiences.

The kid called it like he saw it,

When we couldn't.

Seriously, guys!

It's hard to breathe after being crushed

By all this praise.

How'd you like to be crushed by a fist instead?

And we're back.

� [game music plays]

High score!

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