Original subtitles

Spiderman is a costumed criminal!

Running around our city in his pajamas, it makes me sick!

What gives him the right to wear pajamas

when the rest of us have to wear normal clothes?

On second thought, they're not even pajamas!

He's running around in his underwear!

Oh, will you shut up!

I did not say anything!

What are we waiting for?!

What will it take before the police and the authorities

- Take this webhead seriously? - I wasn't talking to you,

- if it were up to me... - Batroc the French fry,

I was talking to the big flat head of j. Jonah Jameson up there!

...there should be a law protecting the public

from these hooded, masked menaces like...

- Huh? - You idiot American!

French fries were invented in Belgium.

Here we go. Leap!

Huh. Learn something new every day.

La la la la la la!

Zee stomp!

Zee lunge! Zee splatter!

You get out of our city

And stop prancing around in your underwear!

Ha ha ha ha! I'm the one who robbed the bank

and you're the one everybody hates.

Oh yeah? Well, you're still zee doofus!

And that's enough out of you!

Spiderman.

Dude! Can someone please unplug J. Jonah Jerkstore?

Freedom of speech, kid,

like when I let you call me "dude" just then.

Freedom of speech? Oh, come on, Fury!

All he does all day is make everyone hate me!

You know what? You're right.

Let me stop keeping peace all over the world

so I can help you and your little P.R. problems.

I wish you would.

N-n-nobody likes me and...

Aawww.

and it's all his fault!

He's a menace!

A tomato? Really?

You're walking around with a tomato?

I didn't call about your public image, webhead.

I need you back at the tricarrier now!

Well, I've got homework.

Kid, it's the Hulk.

Where?

Menace!

What happened? Where's the Hulk?

Follow me.

That's not the Hulk, that's Mesmero,

a master of mind manipulation.

You do not want that dude inside your brain!

He's going to get into the Hulk's brain with his mutant powers.

- What? - We all know the madder the Hulk gets

the stronger the Hulk gets, so strong he can't control himself.

What if we could make the Hulk just smart enough

where he could be the hero he says he wants to be?

The Hulk is fine. He has it easy.

Anyone messes with him, he can just punch 'em.

Hulk said ketchup!

Second of all, this is a terrible idea! This Mesmero guy? Ugh!

And the last time I ran into him... don't ask!

Mesmero switched our brains!

We have high tech S.H.I.E.L.D. security safeguards.

If anything goes wrong, we can shut it down.

And Mesmero stays locked up here for life.

And he knows it.

So you guys aren't at all worried

about having an evil mutant poking around the brain of

a big, Hulking, crazy, green monster who is totally...

He's right behind me, isn't he?

Hulk wants this.

Hulk tired of Hulk. Not safe for others.

Every time I try to do right,

being the Hulk makes it bad.

So, his public image you'll help?

Turn into that, I'll help you too.

Insulted!

I just webbed my shorts.

This is a bad idea.

Strap him into the machine.

Now, Hulk, I'm... I'm just going to place this on your head.

Bug man do it.

- Bug man? - He means me.

- You good friend to Hulk. - Sure, buddy.

Bring in the prisoner.

The neurowave processor is ready.

We may proceed on your order, director Fury.

The word is given.

Try and relax. You might feel a little pinch.

Brainwave readings are normal. We...

Oh man, I knew it!

Mesmero's pulling some kind of mind whammy on him!

I knew this was a bad idea!

Fury! Shut it down!

Shut everything down!

Close your eyes big guy. I'm gonna try to...

Ugh, what happened?

Where did everybody go?

Oh, come on! My brain is in the Hulk's body?

This cannot be happening again! Aw, my life is ruined!

I have to find Fury and my body and get this switched back!

I can't believe this is happening to me again!

Oh, gosh. This body's huge.

How does he do this?

This is big.

The Hulk!

Ugh! Uh, hello? I'm not him!

Where's Fury?

It's the Hulk! Battle stations everyone!

Battle stations! Battle stations!

Okay. Okay.

Hey you guys, where's Fury?

Lockdown initiated.

- Whoa! Let's get out of here! - I just need to find Fury!

Mesmero!

Mesmero!

Put my brain back! Oh, man.

Whoa, whoa, waaagh, w-whoops!

Why, thank you, Spiderman.

Pleasure messing with your mind, as always!

Hey! Get back here, mesmerunt!

Oh. Yeah. Right.

Hulk!

I'm not the Hulk, I'm me!

You're letting him get away!

Whoa whoa whoa whoa!

- Put director Fury down, Hulk. - Hey! Come on!

Cut it out!

All Hulkbuster units report to level 7!

Take him down! Mesmero has turned the Hulk!

No! You've got to get Mesmero!

Where is me? Where's my body?

The Hulk is on the loose.

Who's idea was it to let Mesmero anywhere near the Hulk?

Sir, I was following your order.

My orders? What do you mean my...

Mesmero. Mesmero must have taken over my mind.

Okay, that explains that. Now what?

Condition orange.

Got it. But where's Spiderman?

Where is Hulk?

Brain-man fix Hulk?

Shut up!

Hulk used to be greener.

Hulk feel puny.

Bad clothes.

Mmm, purple.

- Time for school, Peter. - I'm hungry!

Teenagers.

Good.

- Here you go. - Huh.

Um, have a good day at school, sweetheart.

Lady nice.

Teenagers.

- Where is Hulk? - Good morning Mr. Parker.

Are you ready for the King Kong of all science tests?

Not doing this.

Everyone has to take the test, big shot.

All right, now everyone keep your eyes on your own paper

and put your pencils down when you're done.

Why?!?

Ugh. Guess who didn't study.

All you have to do is ask for a new pencil, Mr. Parker.

Parker?

Uh, hello?

Oh man! What are you doing?

- Hulk taking test. - Oh, no!

Hulk almost finished.

Mr. Parker!

What?! No! No!

Put that pencil down! Do not take that test!

Geronimo!

Hey handsome, guess what time it is?

The Thing, super-strong member of the Fantastic Four.

- Heh, okay, you want a hint? - No no, no hint.

It's clobberin' time!

This is gonna take a while. And hurt.

Oh wow, the Thing!

Okay, so if you'll just let me explain. You see, what happened was...

You know, when I got the call from Fury

that you were on the loose, I thought, is it Christmas already?

- I'm sorry, sorry, really! - Monster!

No, no, I just... I just need a phone!

H-h-here.

Dude, thank you so... Oh, come on!

Uh, excuse me, I need to...

And I told the man I had a coupon but he said it was expired.

Can you believe the day I'm having?

- There you are! - Just listen to me!

Oops.

Oh, sorry. Sorry!

Ooh! Okay, all right, here we go. Gentle...

- Hello? - Ava! Ava, it's me!

No, no, no, no, listen carefully.

No, no. Ugh... Just listen.

I'm in the Hulk's body and vice versa.

Pencils down.

But I wasn't finished yet!

I can't believe you made me turn in an incomplete test, Peter,

- I really can't. - Who Peter?

I wasn't talking to you, Hulk.

My name is Ava. I'm a friend.

- Friend? - Ugh. Follow me.

Hulk walking!

You know, back in my day, a Hulk was a pulse-pounding,

pile-driving, pound-packing person of profound pulchritude!

What's the world coming to?

Now you and I are going to find Peter and figure out what...

- Ugh. What? - What's wrong?

Hulk don't like this. Hulk like purple.

We can argue fashion later. Let's just go find...

Uh, what does this do?

Uh, bye bye, cat lady!

Uh. Aw, come on! You're taking all the fun out of this!

Hey, where are you going?

DBC news here! We are flying high above New York city,

tracking the massive battle between the Hulk and the Thing!

We're not sure why these two titans are at odds, but...

- Wait! Is that... - Spiderman?

How dare he hitch a ride on Daily Bugle equipment!

How Hulks body there, when me here?

Oh, my goodness!

Which way fight? Which way Hulk?

Stop hitting me!

Now we're talkin'!

Ow! I said stop!

- You stop it! - Hey, stop!

Hey, you stop!

This is all Mesmero's fault! I have to find Mesmero!

Taxi.

To the airport.

Good one!

Oh my gosh! It's the Hulk!

Run! He's gonna smash us all!

Oh man, they really hate the Hulk.

And I thought they hated me.

- Hey! - Leave Hulk body alone!

Spidey? What are you doin'?

Hey, that's my body!

Oh, no.

Oh, I hate this city. What is the hold up?

Incoming!

- Oh, man. - Ah, the Thing.

Destroy Spiderman and Hulk!

Destroy Spiderman and Hulk.

I just purpled my pants.

Well done.

Orange Thing gone nuts!

No!

Hey look! It's the Hulk!

Spidey! Stop them!

You can do it!

- Yeah, Spiderman! - Oh great,

the one time I get cheers and it's not even me.

Hulk! Help us!

Leave Hulk body alone!

Dude, listen to me!

Dude, listen to me!

Mesmero is controlling you! Snap out of it!

Hey, you!

Dude! Do you know what alpha brainwaves are?

Our brains were switched in a transference event.

How you Hulk when Hulk is Hulk?

Uh, quick question.

Was it because of a guy with a weird head thing?

- Yes. - He's right over there.

Uh-oh.

You!

Attack the monsters! Destroy them all!

- I got this. - Don't touch Hulk.

- Change us back! - Yeah, I'd listen to the guy.

Change us back! Now!

It wasn't me! I didn't do this!

- It wasn't? - No.

Of course it was me! I hate you idiots!

I'm in jail because of you, Spiderman.

All you did was make me angry. And you don't want to make me angry.

You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!

- Nice. - Thanks, man.

Change us back!

Okay, fine. I'll change you back.

- Oh, thank goodness. - Hey, sorry, kid.

You made everyone hate me more.

You made everyone laugh at me.

All I want to do is help people

but everywhere I go everyone hates me.

Everyone's scared of me.

Hulk, wait! Stay! We can figure this out.

Thanks, Spiderman. You're a good friend,

but I need to figure this out alone. I need to go.

Tricarrier, the Hulk is M.I.A.!

I repeat, the Hulk is on the loose!

- Whoa whoa, wait. - I gotta protect the world, kid.

Did you hear him? Did you hear how he was talking?

Almost full sentences.

He never referred to himself as the Hulk.

Maybe it worked. Maybe the whole brain switch worked a little.

Maybe he is a little smarter now.

Don't you think he's suffered enough?

This is Fury. Keep an eye on the Hulk but do not engage

unless you hear from me. Let's see how this plays out.

I'm sure glad that guy's on our side.

- Will Hulk be all right? - We'll make sure he's all right.

He deserves it. He's a hero.

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