Original subtitles

Prologue ''A Deeply Wistful Man''

There now ...

- I'm sorry. - There's no need to apologize.

My wife was driving ...

... and a dog ran out in front of her car.

She tried to avoid the dog and the trees and ...

But she hit all of it. It was so stupid.

Was it a long time ago?

What?

That your wife died?

She's not dead.

She's at home with the kids.

- Then why are you so sad? - I don't know.

I don't know.

I'd better be getting home with the Christmas presents.

So maybe we should get down to business.

Nothing's All Bad

Chapter 1 ''My wiring's always been a bit off''

Anna, I think you should consider breast reconstruction.

I know I keep pushing this point, but the waiting list is very long.

We insert a tissue expander underneath your pectoral muscle.

Later on we replace the expander with a silicone implant.

We reconstruct your nipple with half the other nipple -

- or with skin from your outer labia.

The coloured skin surrounding the nipple is usually done with a tattoo.

A paint-on nipple?

Are you okay?

- Yes, I'm fine. - And you don't need more sick leave?

Not at all.

You know what?

I have these gorgeous woollen sweaters if you need something to ...

... cover yourself with.

Let me know.

Was there anything else?

No.

You've called Anna. Leave a message.

Anna? It's mom.

I'd love to know what they said at the hospital.

Please, call me back.

Ingeborg, you are the last of the first.

You were the secretary Frederik Torp needed -

- to handle orders and sub-suppliers who had to be wined and dined.

And although you had only just finished as a trainee ... am I right?

- Yes. - ... you had a handle on everything.

Retirement comes to us all sooner or later -

- and life only really begins in our golden years -

- something I look forward to myself. Slowing down -

- and spending time doing what your heart desires ...

... more time for the grandchildren. How old are they now?

- I don't have grandchildren. - Excuse me?

- I don't have grandchildren. - Oh, I see!

Right!

Who the heck is it then? Who has grandchildren?

Anyway, things change.

We're an older publishing company, but today our company relies on -

- sales of digital solutions, which is hard to do -

- on the typewriter you are so fond of, Ingeborg.

Speaking of sales, Carsten ... Where are you, Carsten?

There you are. Well done! The suckers fought back -

- but you landed them anyway!

Let's raise our glasses to Carsten. To Carsten!

Well then ... dig in.

Please, go ahead.

Hi, honey. It ran late.

Wow, what beautiful flowers.

Maybe opening a flower shop is next for you.

Did Anna call?

- How about some coffee? - That's a good idea.

I even think we have chocolate to go with it.

Hi, sweetie. It was nice to see you today.

It was a lovely ceremony.

I'm sure Dad would've liked it.

May I?

Yes, of course.

Thank you.

It's such a beautiful day.

I like it when it gets colder.

It feels like everything is cleansed and purified and reborn.

The air is filled with lovely promising beginnings.

Do you know what I mean?

It's wonderful.

It's so wonderful.

Disgusting pig!

It's so disgusting! You're sick!

This is the last you'll see of me!

You're a fucking asshole!

You're sick.

Fucking gross.

- Jonas, I'm so sorry. - Go to hell with your apologies.

- Let me speak to Jonas, please. - Do you need anything else?

- Jonas look at me. - Well do you? I'm not coming back.

Say your goodbyes while I pack the car.

Asshole!

Is it true?

- Don't believe everything she says. - But is it true?

- Anders? - Yes.

The pills you gave me don't work. I exposed myself in the park.

I thought we agreed you'd steer clear of the park.

My wiring's always been a bit off.

I'm lousy with people.

Even Jonas.

Whenever he ate a hotdog as a boy, all I could think of was the pig -

- that had to die so he could munch away.

Whenever he smiled at me, I'd think:

''Teeth are the only visible parts of the skeleton.

The only parts that protrude through the flesh.''

Anders ...

... is there anything you feel good about?

Do you love your son?

- I hope I die before him. - Yeah, but do you love him?

I just answered that.

Are you a good boy?

- I don't think so. - Are you a good boy? No?

Then what are you?

Are you a naughty boy? You're a naughty boy?

Aren't we all?

A naughty boy. What do you like?

A bit of everything.

I like a lot of everything.

Shall we say 1,000? 1,000?

Come on. 1,000. A thousand. Come on, one thousand.

Sure, okay.

Are you coming? My pussy is creamy!

Just a minute.

Chapter 2 ''Is there anybody there?''

Bingo Hall

Sixty-one Number sixty-one.

Five. Number five.

Fifty-six Number fifty-six.

Twenty-three. Number twenty-three.

- Thirty-four. - Shake 'em up!

- Yes. Number sixteen. - Bingo!

And Lotte is our first winner tonight.

Lotte wins a large bag of sweets and ... do we have anything else?

- We sure do. - And lovely colourful rolls of tape.

They'll come in handy for wrapping Christmas gifts for the grandchildren.

Let's put our best foot forward. There are T-shirts on the line now -

- just like the one Vibeke is wearing. It's 100% camel hair.

Which you can tell by the two humps.

Moving on ...

Hi, Anders. Say hello to our new chief of staff, Vivian.

- Hello. Vivian. - Hi. Anders.

Anders is in charge of the books. He's pretty much a one-man-show.

Am I right, Anders?

Well, Anders could chat all day, so we'd better push on.

- Till we meet again, Anders. - Yes.

I suggest we go to the R&D department.

I like what you put up on the walls ...

Anders ... what am I to do with you?

What about your wife? Have you spoken to her?

No. The police came to our house, and she didn't take kindly to that.

Neighbours talk, you know.

Have you contacted your son?

Does that mouth of yours do something other than chew gum?

- Why the hell do you live like this? - I don't know. 'Cause I can.

Seriously, Troels. 312 kroner?

Asshole.

- Ingeborg, speaking. - Who?

- Ingeborg. - Oh, I'm sorry. Wrong number.

Maybe not, who were you calling?

I was calling H.J. Transportation.

- Oh. This is a private residence. - I'm all thumbs, it seems.

Those phone buttons keep getting smaller.

You should get a dial phone. They're still available.

I fear my fingers would get stuck. I'm not as slim as I used to be.

I'm sorry for the interruption, Ingeborg.

- That's quite alright. - Bye-bye.

You've called The Chatline. Press 1 to meet people in your local area.

Press 2 for Copenhagen ...

Anybody there? Is there a lovely lady on the line for a nice chat?

Hello?

Uh ... good evening.

Whom do I have the pleasure of addressing?

- My name is Ingeborg. - Good evening, Ingeborg.

What makes you call in at this late hour?

- I just felt like talking to someone. - Nothing good on TV?

What? Oh, I don't know.

It can get somewhat quiet when the kids have left the nest.

- Yes. - Am I right?

- How old are you, Ingeborg? - You don't ask a lady about her age.

You're right, I apologize. That was ill-mannered.

- Oh, that's alright. - I blame my parents.

- It seems everybody does. - Everybody blames my parents?

- No, no! Their own. - Thank god.

What do you look like, Ingeborg?

What? Uh ...

Why do you ask?

Have you ever had a cock up your ass?

May I buy you that glass of wine?

Why?

I just got my allowance.

What do you do for your allowance?

I keep my room nice and tidy.

I've been apartment hunting. I'll soon have a place of my own.

You should save your money, then, and not buy red wine for old ladies.

I felt like surprising you.

Thank you.

- Well, you're buying the next round. - I'll buy you a glass of milk!

- Cheers. - Cheers.

I wouldn't mind another glass.

Come in.

Let me take your jacket.

Please, come in ...

Shall we settle the money first?

And get it out of the way.

Pardon me?

Yes, of course.

How much is it?

Yes.

That'll be 398.

- Your change. Do you need a bag? - No.

Enjoy.

Chapter 3 ''How About Something Else?''

- Yes? - Hi, is Jonas in?

- He doesn't live here anymore. - Do you know where he lives now?

No. Nowhere, I think.

- Are you his dad? - Yes.

- He owes me money. - Oh, I see!

It's not a whole lot, just a little token.

- Would you tell him I stopped by? - Sure. After kicking his ass.

- What's your name? - Jonas.

- Is there anyone I can call? - No. No one.

I put your clothes in the washer. You peed your pants.

Nut you can borrow some of ours. I think these will fit you nicely.

I'm leaving for work, Jonas. This is the key to the house.

There's a TV in the living room and food in the fridge.

We'll be back around 5.

I'm putting my trust in you, so please don't run off with our silver.

Of course not.

Be a decent boy, Jonas.

Hi.

Hi.

- It's like a sauna in here. - Yes.

It gets hot in here very fast. The ventilation isn't working properly.

- Are you done? - Yes, this can wait.

How does this work? I'm not very handy with machines.

- There is this woman at work. - A woman at work?

I'm referring you to a colleague of mine.

He's an untraditional psychologist with a novel therapeutic approach.

I'll give you his number, and you'll call him. Or not.

It's up to you. Have you heard of aversion therapy?

I understand you feel quite inhibited by your handicap, is that right?

Yes. I gave my son a dog to have an excuse for going to the park.

- You should get rid of the dog. - It was run over.

- Excellent. And you were convicted? - Yes.

Excellent.

I'll show you a video -

- and simultaneously stimulate your sense of smell.

It's quite intense. Use the bucket, if you feel sick.

The first time Tove and I moved in together it was in a commune.

And I still smoke ...

... one joint a week.

Just the one.

Don't tell Tove.

You should stay clear of hard drugs. Do you?

- Do I do drugs? - Do you stay clear of them?

- Sure, of course. - Good.

It's the stupidest thing you can do to yourself.

But a joint a week ...

... should be mandatory.

Go on, take a puff. It'll be a week until the next one.

As long as you're staying here, that is.

Anna, it's mom.

I just wanted to hear how you're doing.

How are you, Anna?

I don't think you should be alone. Call me, Anna.

- Is this the one I left? - Weren't there others?

- No, just this. - How about something else?

We sometimes shoot new movies.

- You make them yourselves? - Yes.

Would you like some coffee?

We could have a little chat.

It's usually 5 grand before the shoot and another 5 grand after.

How does that sound?

Look ...

This is the time and place. You just show up.

They'll fill you in once you're there.

Anything else you'd like to know? Questions?

- Any particular outfit I should wear? - No, it'll come off pretty quickly.

Okay.

Okay.

Didn't you forget something?

- Don't you want the advance? - Sure. Yes, of course.

Cheers!

My leg is cramping.

Do your legs cramp up when you dance?

You forget to stretch, honey. It's important at your age.

'At my age', give me a break. You're only as old as you feel, right?

- That's what they say. - He doesn't want to hear that.

- Why not? - He's still a kid!

So were you, when we first met! With a snotty nose and scraped knees.

He was adorable!

You sat there quietly in the back row for 10 years, right honey?

My parents met in school, too.

- They've been together forever. - Why do you say that?

- What? - Why do you talk about your parents?

I don't know. It's just ...

- Did we ask about your parents? - No.

Then why would you think we're interested?

Uhm ...

Do you have a big cock?

Do you have a big cock?

Or is it still a cute boyish willy?

- Why doesn't he answer me? - Take it easy, Jeppe.

Playing hard to get?

Didn't we treat you well?

Have you wanted for anything while staying here? Well?

We've given you everything you desired.

You've watched TV and eaten what you liked.

Tove's restocked the fridge over and over because you never stop eating.

- Isn't that so, Tove? - Yes.

Aren't we fancy enough for you?

Look at me when I'm talking to you!

Christ ...

Come back and see us, okay?

Hi.

Hi.

Thank you.

Eighteen Number eighteen.

- Thirty-six. - Dirty sex!

Okay, girls.

And now number twenty-two. Twenty-two.

Number thirty-two. Yes?

Do you have a full card?

Uhm ...

Hens up! It's getting chilly.

Can I give you a ride home?

- I live right around the corner. - We'll do a little detour.

This is not where I live.

No, I told you we'd do a detour.

- Yes, but we're not driving. - True enough, we're not.

Right now we're taking a little break.

They're huge aren't they. Enough meet for an entire family.

Seems tonight is your lucky night.

- Do you have a family? - Yes.

- And a husband? - Yes.

Well, I'm a widower, so I'm alone a lot.

My wife died 5 years ago, but I still wear my wedding band.

- Silly, isn't it? - I don't think so.

I don't understand why we have to be so fragile and lonely -

- when strength and beauty make for a much easier life.

There. Over and out.

Let's get you home.

Wait ... Wait a minute.

- I'm sorry, I ... - No need to apologize.

But I'd like to go home now.

No, listen ... I really don't want to.

What's wrong? What is it?

Come here. Come ... You have to move to this seat.

I think there's some left in the other thermos.

Thank you.

I'm sorry, but we couldn't save your husband.

He suffered a stroke and ...

... the damage was too pervasive.

I know.

My husband died a long time ago. The man in there isn't my husband.

Could you put this on him? It's his.

Have a seat. Someone will come and get the formalities in order.

Are you okay?

My mother always told me never to get into a strange man's car.

I finally did it anyway, and look what happened.

How are you? I can tell you're in pain.

I'm actually okay, thank you.

Better than planned.

- I'm Ingeborg. - Anders.

Chapter 4 ''Lovely Promising Beginnings''

That's why I called you.

That's enough! Stop!

Stop it now. Call me tomorrow. I don't have time for this right now.

Okay, talk to you tomorrow.

- Is the guy here yet? - Yeah, he's undressing.

Is it too tight?

Please get on all fours, then we can begin.

Up on the bed is fine. On your knees.

Right.

Bye. See you.

Do you think people can change?

I think people can improve.

The pain when I pee is unbearable.

Come on, you only got 2 stitches.

It's a good thing you didn't permanently damage yourself.

Why? So, I can damage other people?

Do you plan to?

- I met a woman at the hospital. - Met? How so?

We met. We talked.

- I don't know what I have to offer her. - Neither do I, Anders.

I just write prescriptions.

- Is something wrong? - No.

I'vejust had a crappy week.

- Hello? - Hi, dad. It's me.

Hello, Jonas. It's been a long time.

I thought I might come by one day.

Yes.

I met a man.

Okay?

- Is that why you stopped calling? - No.

I like him very much. I've invited him over for Christmas.

- I can't believe it. - What, sweetie?

That you have a boyfriend.

I've been invited ...

... to Christmas dinner.

- Would you like to join me? - Where?

At a lady friend's.

I thought you only knew mom and me.

Then maybe it's time to widen the circle.

Yes.

The air is filled with lovely promising beginnings.

Can you feel it?

Good evening, Ingeborg. Merry Christmas.

Thank you. You, too.

My son. Jonas, this is Ingeborg.

- But ... - Jonas. Thank you for having me.

This is for you.

It's an orange juicer.

How cosy.

- Anders. - Anna.

That looks delicious. Thank you.

- Sit down. - Yes.

- My mom's rice pudding is heavenly. - I look forward to it.

Thank you.

- Thank you. - Just a spoonful for me.

- The youngest get the almond. - Thank you.

I'll hide it in my mouth until everybody's done.

You're right.

It is heavenly, Ingeborg.

There.

- Congratulations. - Thank you.

Subtitles: Tina Goldberg Dansk Video Tekst