Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

Ah!

For God's sake, shut up!

What is his sorrow?

Oh! It's all his fancy, that.

This Mock Turtle hasn't even got any sorrow, you know.

This young lady here,

she wants to know your history, so she does.

When... When...

When we were little,

we went to school

in... in the sea.

Oh! Abso-blooming-lutely.

The master was an old turtle.

We used to call him.

Tortoise.

Why did you call him Tortoise if he wasn't one?

We called him Tortoise because he taught us.

Really, you're very dull.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself,

asking such a simple question!

But how many hours a day did you do lessons?

Ten hours the first. Nine the next. Then eight.

What a curious plan!

That's the reason they're called lessons, stupid!

Because they lessen from day to day.

Then the 11th day must have been a holiday?

Well, of course it was.

Not very bright, are you?

No!

Where are you?

Where have you gone?

♪ All of me

♪ Why not take all of me?

♪ Can't you see

♪ I'm no good without you?

♪ Take my lips

♪ I want to lose them

♪ Take my arms

♪ I'll never use them

♪ Your goodbye

♪ Left me with eyes that cry

♪ How can I

♪ Go on, dear, without you?

♪ You took the pie

♪ That once was my eye

Well, Lucy. Our very last night on board the Berengaria.

Yes, ma'am.

We must compose ourselves, my dear,

for whatever perils and novelties

may lie ahead of us in the United States.

Yes, Mrs. Hargreaves.

Well, at least the people there speak a form of English.

Even though with a sort of rubbery paste in their mouths.

It's called chewing gum.

They actually talk to one with it still in their mouths,

moving it from one side of the cheek to the other.

Did you know that, Lucy?

I... I don't think all of them do, Mrs. Hargreaves.

The Americans on this ship don't...

No, no, no. Now, I'm not talking about the type of American

who travels to and from Europe, child.

I refer to the common man.

The vast hordes. The great unwashed.

Yes, ma'am.

Now what is it, child?

Why are you distracted?

It's nothing. Nothing.

It's not cheap music that disturbs you.

It's your youth.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, we have had our little nocturnal perambulation.

It's time for bed. I'm tired and I must close my eyes.

Come along, Lucy. Lucy, I said, come along.

Mrs. Hargreaves... Oh, now, what is it?

I wonder if I might be allowed

to go and listen to the band?

You? Only for a little while.

Oh, now, now, come, come.

No, it's just... No, I really don't think you should be late tonight, Lucy.

Disembarkation is a notoriously exhausting business.

And my hair needs a thoroughly good brushing, my dear.

Lots of vigor.

Is that it?

Rumors of war in Europe, Hitler soon to be Chancellor.

Another gang war, a plane crash, a kidnap.

I think that covers the lighter side, gentlemen.

No heavy stuff at all?

Here's something that might be interesting.

- Well, let's have it. - It's about Alice in Wonderland.

Oh, great. That's all we need.

No, Th-there's this old dame they've found in England.

She was Alice. I mean, the real Alice.

The one Lewis Carroll first told the story to 70 years ago.

Is that right? She a real person?

I mean, that's like saying fairies are for real.

They are. Haven't you met the new guy we hired to do the ladies' page?

What about her, Harry?

She's arriving in New York tomorrow morning on the Berengaria.

Columbia are gonna give her an honorary degree.

As part of the celebrations.

Lewis Carroll was born 100 years ago.

How old did you say she was?

She's 80. Carroll told her the story when she was 10.

Get her. We want her.

Oh, you got to be kidding, surely?

An 80-year-old woman from England?

She's probably too gaga by now to talk sensible, anyway.

Now, listen.

Any old dame who fell down a rabbit hole

and sat down to tea with the Mad Hatter

is going to cheer me up, let alone our readers.

And I'm a miserable son of a bitch,

or hadn't you heard?

We've heard.

If they see you here, Jack, they'll call the cops.

Ah, I'm just coming in to clear out my desk.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

You got fired a month ago and you've been in a dozen times since.

Forget it. They won't take you back.

It wasn't so terrible, what I did.

Making up a whole interview?

That's what Lindberg would have said if he'd talked to me.

Mmm-hmm.

Anyway, I'm going in to argue my case.

I'm broke. I'm desperate. Oh.

There's a whole big depression going on out there, Sally.

I can't even get a job washing dishes.

And me, with all my talent! Uh-huh.

Religious affairs.

Sorry.

Hargreaves. Right.

Yes.

As soon as the boat's through quarantine, tomorrow morning.

You sure you want this?

Okay, okay, I only asked!

What's up?

Do you know anything about Alice in Wonderland?

Sure, do I know anything about it. Yeah, it's a book!

Christ!

Don't look at me, Sally. Just keep typing. Please.

Well, well. Brave Jack Dolan.

Ex-ace reporter, would-be all-purpose hustler and 100% C-O-W-A-R-D.

You can come out now. He's gone.

He's a bum.

So, anyway, about Alice in Wonderland. Uh-huh.

It's a kids' book. It's about a girl named Alice.

She goes down a hole in the ground and she...

Will proceed in one hour and 15 minutes precisely.

The Captain, staff and crew of the Berengaria...

You seem excited.

I am.

Ah, when you are my age, Lucy,

you will have long since learnt

the greater one's anticipation of a thing,

the fewer pleasures it eventually yields.

Yes, ma'am.

Lucy, dear, I'm going below for an hour.

Unlike you, I need to compose myself.

Now, you may stay here and examine the foreign shore.

Thank you, ma'am.

Fetch me in exactly 45 minutes and not a minute before.

Unless the Red Indians try to come aboard in their canoes.

"Either the well was very deep,"

"or she fell very slowly,"

"for she had plenty of time as she went down"

"to look about her,"

"and to wonder what was going to happen next."

- It's my turn. - No, it's not.

- Course it is. - It's mine.

And when you've got your ball through that hoop

aim for this one over here.

Has got a lovely shirt.

If you dare touch that ball, Edith...

Edith!

Alice.

Edith, give the ball back.

Oh, Lorina.

♪ Down yonder green valley

♪ Where streamlets meander

♪ When twilight is fading

♪ I pensively rove

♪ Or at the bright noontide

♪ In solitude wander

♪ Amid the dark shades...

♪...was cheerfully singing

♪ I first met that dear one

♪ The joy of my heart

♪ Around us for gladness

♪ The bluebells were ringing

♪ Ah, then little thought I

No, no, Alice! What's the matter with you!

"How soon we should part."

Oh, you're a terrible fuss, Lorina.

What difference does it make?

That's how I sing it, so there!

Then you don't sing it right!

Don't say "don't," Edith. Say "do not."

It is vulgar to say "don't."

But you said it.

I did not! Yes, you did, Alice.

Why are you such a know-it-all, Lorina?

Well, I like that!

Seems to me you're the know-it-all around here.

Should, would. Should, would.

Come on, then. What's the difference?

She don't know.

Don't say "don't."

Don't.

That's how Mr. Dodgson says it.

Don't.

You'll get stuck like it, Alice.

He says I'm a wistful little beggar girl.

Who says that?

Mr. Dodgson, the mathematics tutor, Mama.

Mr. Dodgson said that?

Oh, don't fuss, he was talking about photography, Mother.

I'm to pose for my picture.

He has photographed Tennyson, you know.

"Half a league, half a league, Half a league onward,."

"All in the valley of Death Rode the six hundred."

Yes, yes, Alice, don't show off.

We all know The Charge of the Light Brigade.

I don't.

But Tennyson was quite rude to poor Mr. Dodgson.

You didn't know that, did you?

What do you mean, Alice? Rude?

Did he make fun of his stutter?

Be quiet!

Well, Tennyson told his guests

that he often dreamed long passages of poetry.

Then he turned to poor Mr. Dodgson

who had scarcely said a single word. How do you know?

Mr. Dodgson told me, of course.

And Tennyson turned to Mr. Dodgson and said,

"You, I suppose, dream of photographs."

Mr. Dodgson seems to confess a remarkable number of things to you, my dear.

Oh, yes! Mr. Dodgson talks to me a lot.

So it seems.

He says that every man should have someone he can trust his secrets with.

Trust, Alice?

But why on earth should he say that to you?

Because he loves me, of course.

He loves us all, Mother.

Each and every one of us.

The Times! I thought The Trib would be

the only one to have this crazy idea.

Are you kidding? She's better than Peter Pan, Huck Finn and Santa Claus rolled into one.

You know why? 'Cause she's for real.

And you're not supposed to be here. You're not entitled.

You don't work for the papers anymore. No, no, no. But watch me.

- Hey, fellas, how are you doing? - Hey, good morning, gentlemen.

Oh, look at your little bunny, it's so cute.

Passengers from the Berengaria

are disembarking at pier...

What's the little girl's name?

Hey, Lucy. Lucy, come here.

Hey, Lucy!

Lucy, come on!

Hey, Lucy.

Hey, Lucy.

What do you want?

You're with Alice, right? Where's the old lady?

Where's Alice, miss? Yeah, can you take us to Alice, huh?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Come on, Alice. Alice in Wonderland. You work with her, don't you?

What's she like, Lucy? And where is she?

- Down a rabbit hole? - That's very cute?

Don't be scared, honey, we only want to set up a press conference.

An interview with her. Yeah. And some pictures, you know.

Why don't you find Mrs. Hargreaves? That's who they want.

They won't leave either of you alone until they've seen her.

Now, where is she? In her cabin?

But she mustn't be disturbed.

She said...

Would you like someone who'd come below deck with you, miss?

You'll get no exclusive here, Jackie boy.

It's okay, you guys, he doesn't even work for a paper anymore.

Then what's he doing here?

Thank you, Sally. Go on, go get her.

Bring her up here, honey. We won't bite.

Not much, we won't.

Listen, will you tell her...

Please, I beg you, all of you,

not to address her as Alice.

What's that? We mustn't call her Alice.

No, her name's Mrs. Hargreaves.

And she'd be very upset if strangers were to call her anything else.

Mrs. Hargreaves. I can see it now,

"Mrs. Hargreaves in Wonderland."

It ain't got the same ring, sweetheart.

Where is Mr. Hargreaves, anyway?

Who is he? Some kind of white rabbit?

There she is!

Do you have any messages for the children of America, ma'am?

Message for the children?

Come on, sit down here.

How long are you going to be in America, ma'am?

I want to get another picture.

I have been invited here

to receive an honorary degree from Columbia University

as part of New York City's celebration

of the centenary of the birth of the Reverend Charles Dodgson.

Who's he, ma'am? Who's Dodgson? Could you spell that, ma'am?

Quiet!

Thank you.

I did not expect so much fuss.

I was simply the little girl to whom he once told his tales.

- I can scarce recall him after all these long years. - That's a good lead...

Oh, come on, Alice. Alice...

I am asked if I have any message for the children.

I do. Indeed, I do.

I hope they will more successfully learn than you appear to have done,

how to address their elders with respect.

I hope, too,

that they will say their prayers before getting into bed,

that they will sit up straight at the dinner table,

and always keep their hands and faces spotlessly clean.

And read sensible books in a light good enough not to damage their eyes,

and yet, not so harsh

as entirely to remove the shadows from the corners of the room.

And now, if you please,

I wish to be pestered no more

with your clangor or your impertinences.

Come along, Lucy dear!

Ah, Alice, how about a quick picture with the White Rabbit?

I guess she doesn't like rabbits.

Are you sure this is for us?

Courtesy of Columbia University, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am. It's part of the celebrations.

Welcome to what we earnestly hope

will prove to be a new wonderland

for an Alice who is ever young.

But what does it all mean?

Why so much fuss?

Oh, Lucy, Lucy. Whatever shall we do?

Mrs. Hargreaves?

I had no idea so much would be expected of me.

Would you like me to order you a nice cup of tea?

Tea? Yes. Oh, no, no!

No, I am told the Americans don't know how to make a proper cup of tea.

And, in any case, my poor old head is in such a whirl...

We're not going to be left alone.

Not for one minute.

Oh, no! Not more, surely!

It's like a greenhouse in here already.

Who is it, dear?

I...

What do you want?

You.

Lucy?

Do you mind if I come in? Wait.

Wait.

Mrs... Madam.

These few red roses are for the enchanting little girl of all our childhoods

who grew up to be such a gracious lady!

Are you, by any chance, one of those...

What are they called? Ma'am?

Homosexuals.

Oh, no! No.

No, no, I'm not.

Thank you just the same.

I don't want them. The flowers.

Don't you?

Well, in the first place I don't know who you are, young man.

He's... And secondly, we are already up to our knees in blooms.

Flowers remind me of death, you know.

In which case I'm very, very sorry, ma'am.

I'll take them with me when I go.

When you go, yes.

I have no wish to be ungracious,

but would you mind telling me what it is you want?

Are you employed by this establishment?

No. He was one of the reporters who came onto the ship, ma'am.

He's the one who called for silence.

John Francis Dolan. New York Herald Tribune.

Formerly.

I see. One of that rabble.

Yes, we were, weren't we!

But that's exactly why I'm here, Mrs. Hargreaves.

Five minutes ago, I telephoned a friend of mine on The Trib,

and there's gonna be an editorial in the paper tomorrow

all about you. Me?

I just had a feeling there would be.

And not only in The Herald Tribune. You'll see.

I jotted down what they say, I'd like to read it to you.

But I don't think I want to hear...

"Is it inconceivable that her presence..."

That's you, Mrs. Hargreaves.

"Is it inconceivable that her presence might remind a host of worried Americans"

"of how much more there is in the world than economics,"

"and how scant a relationship wealth has to... to fun?"

What are they saying? What does it all mean?

If you go to any one of these windows and look out...

No, no! Much too high!

You'd see what looks like what is a very rich city.

Maybe the richest city in the world.

But we're in the middle of the Depression. Yes, I know that.

Okay, so there's a lot of worry out there.

Fear, even crime, racketeers, hoodlums, kidnappers, killers.

But don't you have something that I believe is called an electrical chair?

Electric chair, ma'am.

Yeah, precisely!

Yes, we do. But troubles can't always be cured.

Sometimes we have to dream a little.

Oh, weak. Very weak!

One should always address oneself to things as they actually are.

Pull the switch! Fry them!

Well, that's as maybe...

But people want to think of nice things now and again.

People want to make believe. Don't they?

Yes, they do.

You see. Lucy?

You speak when you're spoken to, if you please.

I'm sorry, ma'am. Well, she's right. They do.

And you're gonna find that out over here, Mrs. Hargreaves.

We all want you to be the...

The little girl you once were.

Oh, the little girl Mr. Dodgson made me out to be,

you mean, 70 years ago.

Yes, yes.

Lewis Carroll's Alice.

That's intolerable! It's quite, quite intolerable.

It would be difficult enough at my age to be what I once was,

but utterly impossible to be what I never was.

But listen,

you're throwing away a great, great chance here.

Can't you just sometimes talk like Alice in the book, you know?

Play the part?

No.

No. That is completely beyond me, young man.

And apart from being dishonest,

it is also extremely vulgar.

Listen to me, Alice...

Is there no one in this land who has any manners?

What?

In a few days' time I shall be 80 years old, sir.

If, and only if you were 81,

it might be possible for you to call me by my given name upon so short an acquaintance.

Kindly address me as Mrs. Hargreaves.

Wow!

I beg your pardon?

Did you say you were almost 80?

Are you attempting to suggest

that in some way I look younger?

Am I attempting it? No.

No, there's no need to attempt anything,

because you don't look a day over...

No.

I won't say 'cause you won't believe me, ma'am.

You look terrific.

What a fraudulent young man you are.

Oh, lovely.

That's it.

When you clapped your hands like that,

I could see right back across the years.

I could see why this Lewis Carroll fell... Or whatever his real name was.

Fell head over heels, and what did he call you?

Oh, I... A dreamchild.

Don't think I... Don't think I...

Oh, dear...

Mrs. Hargreaves?

Lucy.

What is it?

Mrs. Hargreaves?

It's all right.

It's nothing.

Shall you lie down?

Something or someone stepped on my grave. That's all.

Now, now, Alice,

you must try to keep quite, quite still.

Oh, dear. Mama says that's impossible.

Oh, she does, does she?

You know how very tiresome mothers can be.

She says I'm a fidget. A perpetual fidget.

I shouldn't worry too much about it, Alice.

I like you exactly the way you are.

Do you, Mr. Dodgson?

Really and truly?

Alice.

Mr. Dodgson?

I wouldn't change one hair of your head.

Yes.

I think I will lie down for a little while.

If you don't mind, Mr... Mmm.

I must ask you to leave.

Oh, yes, of course.

But may I please speak with you later?

Come along, Lucy.

What does he want? What is he after?

Something, I'll be bound.

Won't be long now, Lucy. Not long to wait.

Ma'am?

Not long before I see

what I am told is the radiant face of my Maker.

Ma'am, I'm sure you've many a...

Many a...

Many a what? Many a day?

I doubt it.

Not even many an hour.

You don't know that.

Oh, of course I know it, you foolish child.

I don't mind, Lucy. It will come when it comes, and it will come as a friend.

When I was your age,

I used to wonder how the very old managed to cope with the thought.

But now that I'm very old myself,

I find the Grim Reaper has a smile on his face after all.

Mrs. Hargreaves.

Come on.

Off with the other boot!

Yes, ma'am.

You're a good girl, Lucy.

On the whole.

My husband is dead.

My sons were killed by the Hun.

You know the thing I shall most strongly object to

when the trumpets sound on the other side?

No.

If the Almighty, my Maker, shall make the mistake of

bidding me welcome in German.

I'm not really worried,

I'm sure God is a gentleman.

Let's hope so.

Well, if he isn't,

there's a good number of my family before me

who must have had a considerable shock.

Dreamchild...

I wish this could go on for ever and ever.

Perhaps it will.

Nonsense, Mr. Dodgson.

Nothing lasts forever,

not on this earth, anyway.

Oh, but it does, Mrs. Liddell.

It does last forever.

At least, if you're rowing, it does.

Nevertheless, Mr. Duckworth,

we have to be back at the deanery an hour before dinner.

Oh, Mama! Don't talk about going home yet.

Don't say "don't."

Dear me, no.

We haven't had our tea and cakes yet.

Very nice cakes, too.

Though I do think we ought to find a nice hayrick

with some shade soon.

Very soon.

Alice! Alice, what are you doing?

Alice! Apologize at once!

How dare you! What a terrible thing to do!

But he was looking at me.

A cat can look at a queen, you know.

Looking at you, Alice? Really, I don't know what you mean.

Be quiet, Edith!

Say you're sorry. At once.

No, no! It d-d-doesn't matter.

Dear Mr. Dodgson, I'm sorry, I was only playing.

Of course.

And to show you how really, truly sorry I am, Mr. Dodgson,

you shall have my prettiest handkerchief to dry your poor face.

Thank you. Don't be foolish, Alice.

I'm quite sure Mr. Dodgson has

a much more sensible handkerchief of his own.

Yes, yes, of course.

It's got big, white... White spots on it.

What...

But how...

I didn't quite close the door when I left.

But why?

Need you ask?

No.

Please don't be scared. It's all right.

But it's not right.

You must go. Please, you must.

Do you want me to?

No, but...

Please, you must.

I just want to talk with you for a few minutes. That's all, honest.

Come down with me. No.

Come down with me.

We can't talk here. We'll have some tea or something.

No. I can't do that.

She's asleep. Isn't she?

Come on.

It was time for Alice to have some tea.

She saw a table set with cups and saucers and plates

under a tree.

The Hatter,

who was quite, quite mad,

and the March Hare, equally mad, of course,

were already there, having their tea.

A Dormouse was sitting between them.

Well, I say "sitting."

In fact, he was fast asleep.

The other two were using it as a cushion.

A what?

A cushion.

A cushion.

How very uncomfortable for the Dormouse!

Lucy?

Lucy.

Where are you, girl?

Lucy, come here.

♪ The moon may be high

♪ But I can't see a thing in the sky

♪ 'Cause I only have eyes for you

♪ I don't know if we're in a garden

♪ Or on a crowded avenue

♪ You are here, so am I

Lucy.

What on earth are...

You said tea. What?

Tea. You said come down for tea.

Well, that's what this is, is tea. It's a tea dance.

Come on, relax, Lucy, relax.

What if she wakes up and I'm not there?

You can't spend every second of every minute worrying about that.

What sort of life is that?

Come on. Let's dance. That's what the music's for.

What's the matter? I step on your toes?

She's going to die.

What?

Any moment now.

And she knows it.

Mrs. Hargreaves...

She's going to die.

Then what shall I do?

She's very old, Lucy. We... We...

We all have to, sometime.

Besides, she doesn't treat you very well, does she?

I don't...

I don't have anyone else.

Ah, that can't be true, Lucy.

You don't know anything about it.

Things are different in England.

There aren't many jobs for someone like me.

Hey, it's the same the whole world over. It's hard times, darling!

This... This isn't just a job, though.

She makes me see the world...

Makes me see it through her eyes.

Lucy?

Lucy? Lucy?

Yes.

Yes. All right!

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

No room.

No room!

There's plenty of room!

There.

Plenty of room.

Have some wine.

I don't see any wine.

There isn't any.

Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it.

Well, it wasn't very civil of you

to sit down without being invited.

I didn't know it was your table.

It was laid for a great many more than three.

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Lovely. Riddles.

I believe I can guess that.

Do you mean you can find out the answer to it?

Exactly so.

Then you should say what you mean.

I do. At least, I mean what I say.

That's the same thing, you know.

Not the same thing a bit, you fool.

You might just as well say,

"I see what I eat," is the same thing as "I eat what I see."

You might just as well say that

"I like what I get," is the same as "I get what I like."

What day of the month is it?

Oh...

What day of the month is it?

I... I...

What?

You stupid, half-wit, ugly, old hag.

You should be dead. Dead. Dead!

It's, uh... It's...

Dear... It's...

I think it's the fourth.

The fourth. The fourth? The fourth.

Two days out!

Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Wrong, wrong, wrong!

I told you butter wouldn't suit the works.

But it was the best butter. The best.

There must be some crumbs in it!

Shouted the Mad Hatter,

shaking the watch very, very angrily.

I say, old chap,

I... I really think we ought to eat something, you know.

Time for the buns.

"What a funny watch," said Alice.

Why?

It tells the day of the month and not what o'clock it is.

Meanwhile, to wake the Dormouse,

the Hatter poured a little tea upon its nose.

Hot tea.

God love a duck!

Hot! Hot!

Oh, that was blooming hot, matey!

Oh!

There. Have you guessed the riddle yet?

No, I give up.

What's the answer?

I haven't the faintest idea.

Nor I.

Well, I think you should do something more with the time

than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.

Huh...

Riddles...

Riddles that...

Wasting time.

Do you mean you've never even spoken to Time?

No.

Ah, but she knows how to beat time.

When I play music.

That accounts for it, Alice.

He won't stand beating, you know.

He's a very sensitive fellow.

In the story, that is.

Yes, Mr. Dodgson. In the story.

A-Am I k-k-keeping you?

Well, old chap, some of us think it's time we had some tea ourselves.

I'm so sorry.

I was so enjoying the Mad Hatter and the March Hare.

I wish they were real.

It's...

It's ringing.

Mrs. Hargreaves Who's speaking?

Yes. This is she. Mrs. Alice Hargreaves.

I... I beg your pardon? I don't understand...

Um... A broadcast?

Oh.

The wireless.

Do you mean... No, I... I don't think...

You see?

Five minutes under the hour. Nothing to worry about.

Hey, Jack!

- Hey, Howie, what's up? - What's happening?

No, everything is copasetic, boys.

- Lucy. - Hey, Lucy.

Jack, what's going on?

Wanna go get a drink here?

They do look like a pack of wolves

when they're all together, don't they, those reporters?

If she's woken up and I'm not there...

Are you frightened of her?

I'm frightened of everything and of everyone.

I'm frightened of the world.

Mrs. Hargreaves is speaking.

Yes, yes. This is she. Mrs. Alice Hargreaves.

Have I heard of your soap?

What do you mean, soap?

What?

Oh, I don't think...

Oh, Mrs. Hargreaves, I...

Oh, gee, I'm sorry. It's all my doing, ma'am.

Oh, Lucy.

You wicked, wicked girl! Ah, excuse me, Mrs. Hargreaves...

How dare you leave me alone in this strange...

But I thought that you were so asleep that...

Oh, Lucy, I'm so...

- Don't. Please, don't. - It's my fault.

I'm sorry, I didn't think.

It's the telephone.

- The damnable telephone, it keeps ringing. - I'm sorry, ma'am.

Oh, the most impossible people,

I don't understand a word they say.

I don't understand it at all.

What do they want of me? Who do they think I am?

But we took it off the hook.

Oh, all these questions,

the fuss,

the telephone calls.

And it's all coming back.

I'm starting to dream about it.

Dodgson's coming back to haunt me.

He's coming back.

I don't know what to do.

Mrs. Hargreaves...

Mrs. Hargreaves.

You can make a lot of money out of all this.

What did you say?

Money, ma'am. A lot.

How much?

Thousands.

Dollars or pounds?

Take your pick.

Those calls you had, I'll lay you any odds

they were asking to do this or that interview or broadcast or endorsement.

Someone even had the unmitigated gall

to ask me to open a toy store.

Do they think I'm some sort of a tradesperson?

How much?

I beg your pardon?

How much did they offer?

You mean, they would pay?

Yes, ma'am. Indeed they would.

Filthy lucre.

I have noticed that it's only those

who do not have a sufficiency of it

who call money by unpleasant names.

People want to buy a piece of the genuine storybook Alice,

and I can steer you towards the right place

at the right time, at the right price.

Is there something wrong, honey?

Is that why you asked me to the tea dance downstairs?

So that you can...

Well, I don't foxtrot very well, do I?

But I thought...

I thought...

Hey, hey. Hey, now, wait a minute, Lucy!

Oh, never mind that, young man.

Sit down, if you please. Sit down and talk to me.

Yeah...

As for dishonest flirtations, sir,

it is always better to be sparing with the butter.

Never put it on with a bread knife.

Oh.

That feeling...

Sorry?

That everything you are about to say has been said before.

Yeah, I know that well.

So, you've wormed your wriggly way

into the sweet young thing's heart, have you, Jackie boy?

No, no. The old woman's.

Liar. Sally...

Liar, I said.

You're the girl for me.

You don't mean it, do you?

No. You don't mean it.

I'm gonna get drunk.

Joe.

Yes, Mr. Dolan.

Coming up.

So what's she like?

She's sour, sharp.

Feeble, sometimes. And very English.

No. The little girl.

She's shy, naive,

quaint.

And sweet.

Sugar candy.

Alone now for two scorching days

without water on the endless prairie,

watched only by a lonesome vulture,

Angelina Collier could find no hope on any horizon.

Water...

Her horse exhausted.

Her lips cracked. Her heart heavy.

Water. Water...

But Angelina was not alone.

The renegade, Big Chief Coiling Snake, and his vicious tribe

had already seen their next innocent victim.

mispronounces name The complications with this, Mrs. Hargraves...

Mrs. Hargreaves.

Um, Hargreaves. Mrs. Hargreaves.

You just take it straight through, you know, from the top.

Yes.

Until you reach the bottom.

Yes.

Only, please, sound as though you... you really mean it.

I always mean what I say.

She knows what to do, Mr. Marl.

Please! I'm doing a show here.

No! Oh, no!

Help me! Someone, please!

Meanwhile, on another part of the prairie,

Tumbleweed Luke,

at peace with himself and the world,

sings a song as he moseys along

with his faithful horse, Bullet.

♪ I'm confessin' that I love you

♪ Tell me, do you love me, too?

♪ I'm confessin' that I need you

♪ Honest, I do

♪ I need you every moment

♪ In your eyes I read such strange things

♪ But your lips deny they're true

♪ Will your answer really change things

♪ Making me blue

♪ I'm afraid some day you'll leave me

♪ Saying, "Can't we still be friends?"

♪ If you go, you know you'll grieve me

♪ All in life on you depends

♪ Am I guessing that you love me?

♪ Dreaming dreams of you in vain?

Well, guys, Mrs. Hargreaves was really taken by you all.

Very nice. A most exciting tale.

We were thrilled, weren't we, Lucy? Yes, ma'am.

Oh, thank you. Oh, that's nice.

It's an honor for us to have the real Alice in Wonderland here.

It certainly is. Isn't she a darling?

None of us had any idea that Alice was a real person, a real little girl.

It's like having a history book come alive.

Oh, gracious I'm not as ancient as that.

What was he like, ma'am? Lewis Carroll.

It's always been one of my favorite stories.

I was the Caterpillar once, you know, on the wireless.

Good gracious, you're English, aren't you?

Barnet. Born and bred.

We couldn't really have an American Alice in Wonderland, could you?

Ah, come on. They're making a movie about it now.

They are? Who is? When?

Oh, it was in last week's Variety. It's Paramount, I think.

Bing Crosby is playing the Mock Turtle.

And Gary Cooper's in it, too.

But who's to be me?

Can they do that?

It doesn't seem right.

Don't worry about it. We'll take them to the cleaners.

He's talking American, ma'am.

Mr. Dolan's using slang, ma'am.

He's talking about money.

Money?

You can always tell when he's doing that.

His lips go all wet.

Boy, she's got your number, Jack.

Little Lucy?

Well, folks, uh, you've only got this space for 15 minutes.

Maybe we'd better, um...

That's right.

Thank you. I'm sure Mrs. Hargreaves

would appreciate some peace and quiet.

Think of the microphone as a sort of face.

A friendly face.

A face?

Oh. Whose face?

Goodbye. Good luck.

"When I was a little girl who followed a white rabbit"

"and fell down a hole in the ground,."

"I found a bottle which said 'drink me."'

"It made me very, very small."

"But now that I am so much older,"

"visiting quite a different wonderland,"

"I found on the shelf quite another bottle"

"which looked so good it didn't need to say..."

I can't say this. I can't possibly. It's utterly absurd!

Oh, for crying out... That's the third time!

She keeps rattling the paper. Sounds like a bush fire.

Okay, once more. Cue the music.

Mrs. Hargreaves. Please. It would be much better

if you didn't analyze what you are reading. Don't even think about it.

It's only a stupid commercial. Oh, thanks very much!

I'm sorry, I didn't mean... And the green, now!

Not think about what I'm saying?

I've never heard of anything so reprehensible in my life.

Oh, she missed the green.

Look, did she take the money or didn't she take the money?

Lucy, this is serious. Do you think that...

What's so funny, miss?

Nothing's funny, I mean...

Mrs. Hargreaves, please wait for the music.

But there was a green light.

Cue the music.

"When I was a little girl who followed a white rabbit"

"and fell down a hole in the ground"

"I found a bottle which said 'drink me."'

"It made me very, very small."

"But now that I am so much older,"

"visiting quite a different wonderland..."

Who are you?

I hardly know, sir, just at present.

At least, I knew who I was when I got up this morning.

But I think I must have changed several times since then.

What do you mean by that? Explain yourself.

I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly.

Being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.

It isn't.

Well, perhaps you haven't found it so, yet.

If, when you turn into a chrysalis...

Pooh to that.

Oh, you will one day.

And after that, into a butterfly.

I should think you'll find it a little queer, won't you?

Not a bit.

Well, perhaps your feelings may be different.

All I know is it would feel very queer to me.

So you think you've changed, do you?

I'm afraid I am changed, sir.

I can't remember things.

Can't remember what things?

I don't know.

Perhaps they are things best not gone into.

Best forgotten.

My... My mother...

My mother tore up all his letters to me.

What letters?

Mr. Dodgson's letters.

Why should she want to do that?

Unless there was something wrong.

Something I can't bear to think about.

Then don't think about it, you silly old baggage.

I don't.

I mean, I didn't.

But this journey out here, everyone asking things of me.

Mmm.

The way I've used him.

It's too bad.

Repeat.

"You are old, Mrs. Hargreaves."

"You are..."

"You are..."

"Old."

Old.

"'You are old, Father William, ' the young man said,"

"'And your hair has become very white,"

"'And yet you incessantly stand on your head."

"'Do you think, at your age, it is right?"'

"'In my youth, ' Father William replied to his son,"

"'I feared it might injure the brain,"

"'But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,"

"'Why, I do it again and again."'

Oh, it's lovely, Mr. Dodgson.

Lovely.

The most exciting, the most wonderful thing that has ever happened.

I shall read it again and again and again.

And then I shall start at the last page and finish at the first.

I hope

you will always cherish it, Alice.

Dear, dear Alice.

I will, Mr. Dodgson.

Even... Even when you are quite grown up, little Alice?

I said so, Mr. Dodgson.

Yes.

Of course, I... I... I don't mean to doubt you.

It's only a book, isn't it, Mr. Dodgson?

Alice!

Aren't you coming boating? We are ready, you know.

Hurry up, Alice, or we'll go without you.

We'll meet you in the quad.

I shan't be long. It's only Mr. Dodgson here.

Righto!

I'm sorry, Mr. Dodgson, but I have to go now.

Lorina is going on the river.

And there's a nice young man called Reggie Hargreaves coming, too.

Oh, well...

Hmm, and he is a very good oarsman.

He seems very fond of Lorina.

I bought you this book today because...

Do you know why I... I chose today

to give you the very first presentation copy of this book, Alice?

I have to rush, Mr. Dodgson.

It's exactly one year today since our trip up the river. Oh.

Lorina will be very impatient with me.

Well, then, you... you must hurry, my dear. You must hurry.

Alice.

Three commercials in one afternoon.

Soup, soap and soda water.

I expect they all taste the same, too.

I thought Jack was supposed to be joining us.

Lucy, is there something the matter with your food?

No, ma'am. Thank you.

You're not eating it. I know.

You know, Mrs. Marl used to cook, uh...

Cook some meals for me sometimes.

I just couldn't... Not exactly cheap, you know.

All came out of my pocket.

Yes, ma'am.

Lucy, there are many millions in this tormented world of ours

who would fall upon your dinner like ravening wolves.

I'm sorry.

Waste not, want not.

I should've thought they'd have drummed that into you in the orphanage.

That young man, Jack, you know, he's been a godsend.

Of course, he may well be greedy,

taking 20% of the fees that are due to me.

20%?

But on the other hand, what would I have done without him?

Did you say 20%?

Are you not well, child?

I'm sorry. Yes, ma'am. I mean, no, I...

Then eat!

Listen, if he's taking 20%...

I don't feel like it.

Lucy, what is a companion supposed to do?

Be morose? Be silent? Be unattentive?

Oh. At long last.

Hey, Jack!

Glad you could make it.

Good news. I've just been on the phone... You are late, Mr. Dolan.

I've just been on the phone to Los Angeles.

They're three hours behind us here, you know,

and the guy I had to get to, well, wasn't available until 5:00 his time.

Nevertheless.

Paramount Studios.

We were not prepared to wait, so we began.

Who, did you say?

I got you another $1,000.

That makes another 200 for you, right?

But that's nearly... No, it's over £200.

Good heavens above. How did you do it?

All you have to do is endorse the Alice movie.

Now why didn't I think of that?

Can I get a cup of coffee and hot pastrami on rye?

The Alice in Wonderland film.

You get yourself photographed with the stars

and you tell the world that you've seen it all.

The adventures of Alice, exactly as you pictured them when you were a little girl,

when Lewis Carroll told you the story.

But what if it isn't like that, this talking picture?

What do you care?

The love of money is the root of all evil.

Well, maybe, but the lack of it's worse than the love of it.

Amen to that.

Hey, say something, Lucy.

Say what?

Oh, don't expect her to speak.

She will not condescend to that.

Lucy has suddenly decided to be a petulant and ungrateful young woman.

Shut up!

What did you say?

I said, "Shut up."

Shut up, shut up, shut up, you nasty old cow.

Let's take no notice.

I... I shall ignore it, the poor girl must have

eaten something disagreeable.

Sorry.

We shall ignore it.

Endeavor to ignore it.

I think I ought to see if she's all right.

Certainly not.

I'm going to find Lucy.

If I'd behaved like that,

my mother would have...

Your mother would have what?

I'm sorry.

Your mother...

Oh, what... what about her?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Look, I have got a very important, uh, phone call that I've got to make.

It's, uh, just across... Just across the road.

I won't be long, okay?

All right?

My...

Mother...

Oh, come on in. You're getting soaked.

No, there's no point.

I've lost my job, that's certain.

What's the matter with me?

Well, there's nothing the matter with you.

You're just not a doormat, that's all.

It's about time you stood up for yourself.

Why did you come out? Did she send you?

No, she didn't.

There's no money in it, is there?

What?

If you offend her,

all your hard work will have been wasted, won't it?

And isn't that the most important thing in your life?

Don't you put that before everything?

Lucy, listen to me. Leave me alone.

Sure.

You bet you.

Look at her. The perfect Victorian.

I don't want to hurt her.

I couldn't.

We don't have to tell her anything yet.

It'll keep.

Ah, there you are.

Mrs. Hargreaves, I'm sorry... Lucy, dear,

I've been sitting here examining my life.

Oh, dear.

I've come to the conclusion

I have not behaved properly to you this evening.

Ma'am, it doesn't...

But that's when someone apologizes to you, my dear.

It is usually considered politic not to interrupt.

Uh, three of those, um, Knickerbocker Glories, if you please.

Right away, madam.

I've been turning those days over and over in my mind since I've been here.

Mrs. Hargreaves.

Did we wake you up?

But what are you doing here?

It's after 2:00 in the morning.

I telephoned Mr. Dolan.

Why? What's the matter?

Has something happened?

Mr. Dolan is being very kind. He is helping me.

Mrs. Hargreaves is worried about her speech at the degree ceremony tomorrow.

She didn't really want to talk about Lewis Carroll,

or Dodgson, I should say.

May I be part of this conversation?

I can't seem to sleep for some reason.

Well, that's because you're in love.

How did you know?

Because it's an emotion which has always frightened me.

Yet, I can always recognize it when I see it.

I do so love to hear you laugh, little Alice.

Do you, Mr. Dodgson?

It's the nicest sound I know of.

Nitrate.

Hope you'll always remember our little moments together, my dear.

Time can blot out so many, many things.

I couldn't forget. Not even if I tried.

Oh, but you will. When you grow up and...

And perhaps,

one fine day, come to m-marry.

Oh, no.

You can come to afternoon tea with my dear husband and me on Sunday afternoons.

Do you like cucumber sandwiches, Mr. Dodgson?

Very much.

Well, blind.

Door.

Mr. Dodgson?

Have you thought about whom you might like to...

Mr. Dodgson?

Marry?

Is this another game?

Oh, yes. I obviously am talking in riddles.

Lovely! I do so like riddles!

That's what I said to the Mad Hatter.

Or was it the March Hare?

You must take care never to lose your head, my dear.

And that's the Queen. The Queen of Hearts.

No. No, I... I... I meant...

"Off with his head!"

Don't lose your head

to the first spotted youth

with curl and pretty smile,

because I...

I thought we were going to play a game.

Yes, dear.

Come on, then, Mr. Dodgson.

Come on, then, Mr. Dodgson.

I'm waiting. Alice is waiting.

Sing me a funny song.

♪ Twinkle, twinkle, little bat

♪ How I wonder what you're at

♪ Up above the world you fly

She looks as though she can't believe it.

She can't believe it.

Just as long as she sticks to her speech, she'll be all right.

Ladies and gentlemen.

This afternoon we are gathered here

to celebrate the genius of Lewis Carroll,

on this, the centenary of his birth.

A celebration which Columbia University shares

through this broadcast

with listeners throughout the United States,

Canada, England and Europe.

A celebration most especially and fittingly honored

by the presence, the grace

of the little girl to whom Carroll told and dedicated his story.

Alice herself.

Would you care for another scone, Hargreaves?

I know how gigantic you sportsman's appetites can be.

No, thank you, Mrs. Liddell.

I've had more than plenty already. Whoops!

And what about you, Baker?

No, thank you, ma'am, I'm satisfied, too.

Mr. Dodgson?

Yes, I think I could manage another scone. Thank you.

Of course. Please, help yourself.

Edith, come away from the water at once.

Mama, I'm tired of sitting still.

Sitting still is good for little girls.

You want to grow up as pretty as your sisters, don't you, Edith?

No, I don't.

It is rather hot to sit still and do nothing but eat.

Right.

It's vulgar to let the sun burn one's skin brown.

We shall all look like Irish laborers.

God forbid, your honor.

D-Do you Th-think there's need to bring the deity into it, Hargreaves?

A mere joke, Mr. Dodgson.

I'm sorry, sir.

Sure you are, and all, and all.

Has everyone finished eating?

Yes, thank you. Good.

Then we can entertain ourselves.

Who would like to sing?

Or to recite?

Oh, Mom, may we just talk?

Why don't you sing, Alice?

Yes, Alice.

Not now, Lorina. Later, perhaps.

I'm afraid I'm no good at singing.

Come on, Alice. Silence the birds.

Per-Per-Perhaps she doesn't want to sing, Hargreaves.

Mr. Dodgson can tell us a story instead.

That would be very nice.

Yes, something out of your masterpiece.

Oh, no, Lorina, we know it all off by rote.

I read it all the time, Mr. Dodgson. It's lovely.

Would you like me to recite the song of the Mock Turtle?

Yes, please, Mr. Dodgson.

Quiet, everyone.

♪ Will you walk a little faster?

♪ Said a whiting to a snail

♪ There's a porpoise close behind us

♪ And he's treading on my tail

♪ See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance

♪ They are waiting on the shingle

♪ Will you come and join the dance?

♪ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you?

♪ Will you join the dance?

♪ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you?

♪ Won't you join the dance?

Alice!

♪ You can really have no notion how d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d...

♪ You can really have no notion how d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d...

I'm sorry.

♪ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you?

♪ Will you join the dance?

♪ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you?

♪ Won't you join the dance?

♪ Will you walk a little faster?

♪ Said a whiting to a snail

♪ There's a porpoise close behind us

♪ And he's treading on my tail

♪ See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance

♪ They are waiting on the shingle

♪ Will you come and join the dance?

♪ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you?

♪ Will you join the dance?

♪ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you?

♪ Won't you join the dance?

♪ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you?

♪ Will you join the dance?

♪ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you?

It was a very clever and funny poem, Mr. Dodgson.

"Lastly, she pictured to herself"

"how this same little sister of hers would,"

"in the after-time, be, herself, a grown woman,"

"and how she would keep, through her riper years,"

"the simple and loving heart of her childhood,"

"and how she would gather about her other little children,"

"and make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale,"

"perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago,"

"and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows,"

"and find a pleasure in all their simple joys,"

"remembering her own child-life,"

"and the happy summer days."

"and find a pleasure in all their simple joys,"

"remembering her own child-life,"

"and the happy summer days."

In the little verses at the front of the story,

Lewis Carroll, uh, that is, the Reverend Charles Dodgson, said,

"Alice! A childish story take,."

"And with a gentle hand."

"Lay it where childhood dreams are twined."

"In Memory's mystic band,."

"Like pilgrim's wither'd wreath of flowers."

"Pluck'd in a far-off land."

At the time, I was too young to see the gift whole,

to see it for what it was,

to acknowledge the love that had given it birth.

But I see it now.

At long, long last.

Thank you, Mr. Dodgson.

Thank you.

What is his sorrow?

Ah, it's all his fancy, that.

He hasn't got any sorrow.

Oh, for God's sake, shut up.