Original subtitles

Oh, after you. Ugh.

You worried? Superman does not worry.

Lex?

Right here.

You diseased maniac.

I'll take it from here.

Unh. You feel okay, Superman?

Huh?

Hmm.

Huh?

Lex, I'm surprised you took time away from your presidential campaign...

And came all the way to Gotham City for this.

Oh, Dear Lady, as a nominee it's my pleasure and privilege to be here.

Especially if you win. Ha ha ha.

And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for.

We're here tonight to honor a great man.

A man who has proved time and again his first priority is helping those in need.

This year's Man of the Year Award goes to...

Bruce Wayne.

Next year, Buddy.

Despise that guy.

Bruce, will you say a few words? Well, there's not much to say.

I do what little I can, since every once in a while, everyone needs a helping hand.

Though I'm not sure I deserve an award for it.

You heard him, he doesn't deserve it.

Which is just as well, since we've got a last minute entry.

Who has been there for you?

One man, who has made it his mission to improve the lives of people around him.

He has remodeled our buildings.

Helped keep our banks free of unnecessary clutter.

You have always shown your appreciation.

Ha ha ha! You're the best, Joker.

We'll do anything for you. Hmm.

And why stop now?

A standing ovation? Did not expect that.

But I'll take it. And also everything else.

Excuse me, Sir. I'm going to purloin your valuables.

Riddle me this. What's green and found in your wallet?

Money? Um, no. Not anymore!

Sorry to rain on your parade, My Dear.

Thanks so much.

Well, well, Lex Luthor, presidential candidate...

And Superman's least favorite bald person.

No, thanks. I don't wanna get joy buzzed.

Oh, don't worry, I didn't want to shake hands.

I want your watch.

Nice running into you. Let's do it again sometime.

Oh, we will.

Speech! Speech! Come on, Joker!

Tell us, come on! Ha ha ha!

What a night. Such an honor. I'm speechless.

Aw, who am I kidding? When am I ever speechless?

Look at that face. It's like, "What's he gonna say?

What's going to come out of that mouth of his?"

Sorry to wipe that grin off your face, Joker.

You're not sorry. You're not sorry at all.

Riddle me this, Batman. What wears a mask and is unconscious?

You. Unh!

Let's get him.

Let's ask the coin.

Huh?

Get going, Robin. I was waiting for you.

Ah! My kind of party.

Good food, good people, good goody bags.

Hey, Batlame and Slobbin.

Why are you guys hanging around? Ha! You see what I did there?

We're here to get those valuables you stole, Joker.

And Bruce Wayne's award. This is my award. It very clearly says me.

Joker!

You just... But you just stuck that on there.

Whoa! Robin, focus on your flying.

Sorry. Whoa!

Aw. I missed.

You like shark, Batman? Because I think they're going to like you.

Oh, come on!

I can't keep up! I'll take it from here.

Huh?

You like missiles, Batman? Because I think they're going to like you.

Huh?

Let's see. What do we have? Oh, good!

You like pie, Batman? Because I think... Ah, forget it.

Ugh! Where does he get these unbreakable toys?

Aah! Oh, come on!

Oh, see? Now you get out. You were afraid of a real fight.

Yeah. You're so scary.

Watch the suit, Boys!

Thanks for helping out, Batman. Hey, you know, I also was a part of this.

Hey, Guys. Need a hand? With what? Parking?

Huh?

Yeah, sorry, I wanted to be there for your award.

Uh, I mean, uh, Bruce Wayne's award. Me too.

Kids weren't invited. Mm.

So I saw you put a big hole in the theater. I'll get it repaired.

I already did that. Also, I put your boat back in the water.

Hey, thanks. Yeah, thanks.

You know, you should really try not to make such a mess...

While you're fighting crime.

I can see you smirking in there. X-ray vision.

Aren't there people somewhere else that need your help right now?

Yeah, actually, there are. I should go. See you, Guys.

Bye, Superman. He's so nice. Yeah, he's great.

You were kind of rude. I was doing a systems check.

See you at the Batcave.

Scenes of chaos tonight at the Gotham City Theater...

Where the Joker has interrupted the prestigious Man of the Year Awards.

Watch the suit, Boys!

This was the fifth annual Man of the Year ceremony to be held in Gotham...

But only the second to be brought to a premature end...

By a gang of rampaging villains. Computer.

I have an election to win.

Looks like another stay in Arkham Asylum for the Joker.

Hmm.

We love you, Joker!

I'll win in a landslide.

Huh?

Oh, come on.

First, Batman. Second, Superman.

Kryptonite.

Batman safely recovered all the stolen property...

Including Bruce Wayne's Man of the Year Award.

The only thing left for Joker?

A swift return to Arkham Asylum, along with the title Goon of the Year.

Heh. Ahem.

This is Clark Kent on assignment in Gotham City for Daily Planet Online.

Hey!

I was watching that.

Too much television is bad for you, Pumpkin.

How does he sneak all that stuff in?

Clark Kent. Really despise that guy.

Coming all the way to Gotham City to insult me.

Me. A hometown boy who made good.

You're right. You don't deserve that.

That's right, I don't. Eh.. Uh, wait, who said that?

How would you like to be out of Arkham right now...

And given a chance to take revenge on Batman and the rest of this ungrateful city?

Well, I'd have to be crazy to say no to that offer.

Unless you're just one of the voices in my head, in which case, I'm crazy anyway.

What?

Oh, hey, Lex.

Have you come to get your watch back...

Or did a bus from Metropolis get lost and break down?

First, I don't take the bus.

And second, yes, give me my watch.

So, what you got there? This, my friend, is the deconstructor.

It emits a unique energy...

One that is absorbed so quickly by any shiny black object...

That it causes it to pull itself apart.

Nifty. What's it got to do with me?

First, I need help replacing its power source.

It doesn't run on AA batteries. Ha ha ha!

Kryptonite.

And second, I might need some of that Joker gas you're so good at making.

Oh, yeah.

I guess that could come in handy for someone running for president.

You help me, you can use the deconstructor to your heart's content.

Know anybody who has lots of shiny black unbreakable toys?

I don't know who you're referring to.

Come on. Batman. Oh, you were... Joking. I'm the Joker.

Prisoner escape.

Repeat, prisoner escape. We should be going.

Can I just have one try?

Joker, come on!

It's a shame. Now someone's going to have to fix this.

But the good news is, I'm out of prison.

Joker.

Hey, what's going on?

It's a riddle. Oh, come on! That's my thing.

Justice League Watchtower calling Batman.

Justice League Watchtower calling Batman.

This is Batman.

Just checking your location in case of emergency.

I'm in the Batcave.

Sounds like an emergency. It's all right, I got it.

You got dressed fast.

Well, I've just started sleeping in the costume now.

Whoa!

May I? Well, I think I should do it.

I thought you were going to let me play with that thing?

Ah! What's this? Do I need this?

Nah.

Joker, could we move things along? You're no fun to shop with, Lexy.

Whoa! Hey!

Ash! Wait!

Stop!

Okay, we can go.

On second thought, I have an idea.

Joker. Come on. I'm an artiste!

I like to challenge myself with a bigger canvas.

Commissioner. Oh, thank goodness you're here.

No problem, Jim.

Commissioner Gordon is what you need to call him.

What's the situation? There's been a breakout at Arkham.

The bridge automatically submerges during a prison break.

Unfortunately, it's so old it takes a long time to raise again.

I'll get over there and start cleaning up. Batman, wait for me.

You won't make it. Oh, yeah? Watch me.

Robin, I think you should listen to your... Your, uh... Your Batman.

Don't worry about me, Jim. Uh, Commissioner Gordon.

Oh, man, should've listened. Should've listened.

Yep, should've listened.

Eat a brick, Batman. Ha ha ha! Yeah!

Ha ha ha! In your face!

What do we do? You put your bike back together...

I'll take care of this. But they've got the high ground.

I've got better aim.

Ouch. Ugh!

Wow. That was easy. A little too easy.

They were only meant to distract us. From what?

Boo!

Ha ha ha. Holy balogna, totally scared Catwoman.

Did you see that? Ha! Robin.

Oh, come on, you gotta give me this one.

Now, Robin, what were you saying? Something catty I believe?

All right, everybody, back inside. Let's ask the coin.

Yeah, the coin says no. Ha, ha.

You know that's where you're gonna end up.

Not this time.

Boo. Ha, ha.

Perfect, you brought my bike.

Oh, oh! Can I drive? I wanna drive. You gotta let me drive.

Sorry, Harley Quinn, the coin says no.

You take Catwoman, I'll get the three in the jeep.

What about the others? We've got time.

Bane's Mole Machine's not built for speed. Go.

Bad news, Two Face, Batman's on our tail.

So we'll lose him in the sculpture garden.

Okay. Two Face, for crying out loud.

Left or right?

Right.

Left.

What are you doing? Turn.

But without the coin, I don't know which way to go.

Oh, for Pete's..

Riddler, Baby, you should've.. Let you drive, I know!

You're not going to find any cheese in this maze, Ratboy.

Ratboy? How do you get Ratboy from Robin'?

You were saying? Something catty, I believe?

What? It's the dynamic dunderhead.

I can't control it.

Well, we contained the breakout.

All the prisoners are accounted for, except the Joker.

He must have been the first one to break out.

Smuggled in some kind of explosive. No, I don't think so.

There'd be blast marks, powder burns, something.

It's as if the bricks just flew out. Well, yeah, no.

I mean, you didn't let me finish. I was gonna say...

Was gonna say smuggled in some kind of explosive...

Which would be the usual way he would break out...

Which he didn't because there is no sign of an explosive.

Hey, look at this. Hmm.

Looks like some kind of residual radiation.

Batcomputer, remote tie in.

Batcomputer remote tie in active.

Identify residual radiation.

Radiation consistent with energy signature...

Of U. S. Defense Department Project JSG-817...

Currently under development at LexCorp.

Well, I think we know who broke Joker out of prison.

Lex Luthor?

What would an upstanding presidential candidate like Luthor...

Want with the Joker?

I've heard that Lex Luthor may not be so upstanding.

You might wanna tell somebody. Election day is tomorrow.

Sir, there's been a break in at Ace chemicals.

Wouldn't be surprised if that was Joker's first stop.

Wait!

Buffalo Gal, won't you come out tonight

Come out tonight Come out tonight

Buffalo Gal, won't you come out tonight

And dance by the light of the moon.

Joker. How's it coming? You can't rush something like this.

Oh.

Lex, it's a boy. Ha ha ha!

Whoa!

Just like Arkham.

So I can stop carrying this? I mean, now we have other samples.

That guy can't go anywhere without making a mess.

He didn't just break in here to do this.

Come on.

Promethium, Xenon, Mercury, Tantalum and Dialum.

Those aren't the chemicals he spilled all over the floor?

No.

So, uh, we're gonna leave now, right? Yes.

Gotta give it to the Joker, that is kind of cool.

It'll be really cool when that fire ignites the rest of the chemicals in the building.

What's that? Acid. It'll soften the plank.

Whoa!

Run.

Wow!

Calm down.

Again, wow. That is great. Isn't that great, Batman?

Destroyed all the evidence of the crime scene.

So who blew this up? Long story, we've got it covered.

Okay, well, just let me know, if... Ah! Volcano in Mexico.

Call me if you need me. Uh...

Batman, maybe he could be help with this.

I mean, he's had a lot of experience dealing with Lex Luthor.

We don't need him. It seems like just now we needed him.

We would've been fine jumping off the roof.

I think we would've broken our legs. We've broken our legs before.

Well, yeah, but I didn't like it. I mean, if we just call him...

Robin, we can't go through life expecting Superman or anyone else to save us...

Whenever things get tough.

The only people we can rely on is ourselves. Batcomputer tie in.

Batcomputer remote tie in active.

Access chemical database.

What substance can be produced through a combination of the following chemicals:

Promethium, Xenon, Mercury, Tantalum and Dialum?

Accessing. No substance found.

What substance can be approximated through the combination of the chemicals?

Accessing.

Listed chemicals can combine to form an approximation of kryptonite.

Kryptonite? We better call Superman. We're not going to call Superman.

Activate tracking systems. Detect nearby sources of kryptonite.

Affirmative.

There it is. Maybe we should let Superman know.

We do and we'll be putting him in danger.

Can't we ever leave together?

You tricked me! Oh, don't worry.

Nice job.

So, Lex, when you're President, can I be Vice President?

I think we've got company.

You didn't answer my question.

Auto drive activated.

Kryptonite. Batman.

Huh? Batman.

Oh, my goodness. Beaten again.

No hard feelings? Aah!

Uh, where's your car?

Substance is 84% similar to kryptonite.

No harmful effects to natives of Krypton.

That doesn't make sense. I had the Batmobile tracking kryptonite.

It wouldn't have picked this up.

There must have been kryptonite in the van.

What is the point of making kryptonite that wouldn't harm Superman?

We'll put it away with the other kryptonite just to be safe.

Why do we have so much of this stuff?

I keep it in case Superman decides to be a bad guy one day.

You expect the worst of everybody. Yeah.

What's happened? We've lost the signal.

Don't worry, it's directly ahead.

Beyond these walls, Friend, lie the keys to the destruction of Superman.

And Batman too, right? Sure, yeah. Fine. Whatever.

Intruder alert. Intruder alert.

Someone's broken into the Batcave? The fake kryptonite.

It was a homing device. We were set up.

Hello? Anybody home? We're here.

And we brought dessert.

Come on, we're guests. You can't offer us a lousy cup of coffee?

Aah!

Hey, is that the Batboat?

Oh, gee, ha, ha! Could've sworn it was there a minute ago.

Hey, look, the Batwing.

Ooh! Must be seeing things.

We've gotta get out of here.

But, Batman.. Go.

Hey, Batman, penny for your thoughts?

Oh, are we going upstairs? I'd love to see the rest of the place.

Going down?

We don't have a lot of time.

Jump!

Uh oh.

Let him go, we have to find the vault. You're right. It's time to serve dessert.

Where does he keep the kryptonite?

I just know he has it, not where he hides it.

Computer, where is the kryptonite?

Kryptonite location is protected by security access codes.

Computer, do you know who I am?

Lex Luthor, presidential candidate...

Owner and founder of LexCorp Industries.

Very good. Now, I'd like..

A corporation that serves as a cover...

For a variety of Luthor's criminal operations...

Involving Smuggling, Rrobbery, Extortion, Bribery.

All right, that's enough. Here, let me do it.

Ah!

Security access verified.

Hmm. Ah.

How much time do we have before those pies go off?

Oh, like, five minutes.

Maybe that was five seconds. Run!

Maybe we should call for Superman. Go ahead.

Hey, Superman!

See? You can't rely on anyone.

Nice job. Art is always better if it's bigger.

Hey, isn't that Bruce Wayne's mansion?

Bruce Wayne? Really despise that guy.

Hey, Guys. Sorry it took me a second.

Hey, Batman, I think I fixed the Whirly Bat.

Ugh. I'm gonna go work on the Batboat now.

Why didn't you tell me Luthor was involved?

I was handling it.

Yeah, looks like you had it all under control.

Look, I'll hang around and give you a hand.

Remember, I can do anything.

You know what was in there?

What? Kryptonite.

That's what they wanted the whole time.

It must be what powers that deconstructing device.

I picked up kryptonite on the Batmobile's scanner.

So now they can neutralize your gadgets and my powers.

The question is why? What are they up to?

I don't know, but tomorrow is election day, so we're running out of time.

We'll just have to go ask Lex Luthor.

You're just going to walk right into LexCorp headquarters?

Yep. You worried? Superman does not worry.

We can take this to get there. Introducing the new flying Batboat.

You need a hand? No, I'm good.

Vice President Joker. Doesn't quite sound right, does it, Lex?

Not really, no.

All right, the sun will be up soon and the voters will be heading out to vote.

Let's shut it down.

Okay, did not need to turn off all the lights.

Not the way I like to travel.

Come on, cheer up, Sour Puss.

Not cool.

Oh, after you. Ugh.

We're here to see Lex Luthor. And you are?

Seriously? Seriously.

I'm Superman, he's Batman.

Are those last names? Even his receptionist is evil.

Just one name each. Like Madonna.

Oh, I see you're down here. Mr. Luthor is expecting you. First elevator.

What's that song? Sounds familiar.

I don't listen to music.

Either you guys know the score of the game?

I don't follow sports.

Seven three, St. Louis. Ha. Ugh.

Shouldn't have asked. Nice costumes.

Hmm.

Lex?

Right here.

Unh! I'll take it from here.

Hmm.

You feel okay, Superman?

I hope you voted before you got here, because you might not be leaving.

Aah! Ugh.

You diseased maniac!

No one is going to elect you president.

Oh, yes, they will.

Once we've flown over the country dispensing my friend Joker's gas...

I'll win in a landslide.

I was going to be Vice President, but I changed my mind.

It wasn't working for me.

Since I was deprived of the Man of the Year Award in Gotham City...

We're starting at their City Hall.

Sorry you won't be there.

When I'm President, I'll build a statue of you.

You're not going to build him a statue.

No, I'm not. But you won't be there to call me on it.

Wait a second.

What are you going to do to the dynamic dumb dumb?

Joker, I have an election to win.

But who will I play with if he's dead?

Robin's still around. If we eliminate Batman...

Robin will probably put on the suit and say he's Batman.

Won't be the same.

Wow. Did not expect that.

Let's go get out the vote.

All right.

What the..?

Joker, do you know how expensive that was?

Have no idea what it cost, no.

Nice plan.

Now we know what they're up to.

We have to get to Gotham City.

I should warn you, if I fly close to that kryptonite...

We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Huh?

I thought I took care of him.

If I had a dollar for every time I said that.

Keep flying. I'll deal with this.

Uh, Lex, we're losing altitude!

You all right?

Yeah, but being that close to the kryptonite weakened me.

We've bought ourselves a few minutes. We've got to get to the center of town.

I don't think I can fly yet.

I guess we can get there some other way.

Two dollars or a token.

Uh...

I have tokens.

Fellow citizens, thank you for joining me today.

I don't wanna keep you from voting for too long.

I just wanna say a few words.

What do you think of your presidential candidate?

We love him!

And you'll do anything he says? We'll do anything he says.

We will do anything he says. We want him as President.

Let's go vote for him!

That's good to hear.

Now, I have a lot of other campaign stops to make today...

So just say it with me now, vote for...

Joker! Joker for President!

We love Joker!

Oh, did I forget to mention the gas just works for me?

Sorry, over sight.

You dirty double crosser. You tricked me.

I said, Vice President didn't work for me.

President Joker, now that sounds right.

The vice part goes without saying.

Now, get in, and I'll let you be Vice President.

Oh, I'm such an idiot.

They're going to take off. I've got some of my strength back.

The kryptonite. I'll slow them down, Batman.

It'll be up to you to stop them.

This time, Lex, I'm going to pull Batman apart.

Literally.

Huh?

Robin, great job.

What? I think I'm going to cry.

Get going.

Whoa.

Take a left up here.

Take a hard right.

Now left.

We're not losing them. I'm not trying to. Left again.

Where have you been? Getting some help.

Well, Batman, any last words? Yeah.

Look, you're on TV.

Oh, it's beautiful.

It's also visible from space, you idiot.

Calling all Justice Leaguers.

Calling all Justice Leaguers.

Ha!

Calling all Justice Leaguers.

Calling all Justice Leaguers.

Calling all Justice Leaguers.

Unh. What do you want to do?

Well, I do despise Bruce Wayne.

Thanks. Don't let go yet.

I wasn't going to.

Why is a giant robot climbing up Wayne Tower?

Giant robot? Let's get it.

Follow me. I, uh, know my way around this place.

Come and get me.

Huh?

Let me shake you by the hand.

Aah!

Jump.

Ooh, you're so strong.

Come on.

Go.

Phew.

Thanks. Huh?

We have to stop them.

Are you my mother? Yes.

Give us a hug.

Ha, ha. That tickles.

Gonna need a little help here.

Get the power source. It's in his chest.

Wonder Woman, need your plane.

Agh! Huh?

Whoa! Ha ha ha.

Well, that was fun.

There is a little good news.

At least you're not going to be President.

Great work, Batman.

I have to admit, I couldn't have done it without a little help from my friends.

Uh, a little?

Well, Bruce Wayne said when he was given the Man of the Year Award...

That everybody needs help now and again.

Well, he is a wise man.

What did you do with all the kryptonite? I put it in a safe place.

We might need it one day if Superman decides to go bad.

See? I'm not the only one.

You know, I can hear you.

So, Bats, you need a little help rebuilding the Batcave?

No, Robin and I.. Yes, we'd like some help.

Say it with me.

Okay, we probably could use some.

Are..? Are you asking me?

Are you asking me to help you rebuild the Batcave?

Well, no, I was asking Green Lantern.

I don't think this is your color.

Jovial.

I have located it.