Original subtitles

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

I've just been terribly hurt.

My ceramics instructor just insulted my pot.

The one I made in his class.

He says it isn't fit to be put in the kiln,

and he'll probably be throwing it out in a moment.

He's in there now cleaning up the kiln.

Tonight's play is the Contest for Aaron Gold.

And it begins after the usual one,

minute pause for sponsor identification.

Well it'll mean lighting it myself and i've never done that.

Don't blame me what can you expect from a generation,

that was raised on Hansel and Gretel.

THE CONTEST FOR AARON GOLD

WELCOME TO CAMP LAKESIDE

-Angelo, please. -I shouldn't have to listen to excuses.

Let me remind you that in five days, five miserable days,

no more no less, we are opening this camp.

The parents are going to be driving their children up here.

And they can't park their cars in the lake!

I understand that, mr Stern. You told me that.

You can't park the parents in the lake.

And tell that to those zombies that work for you. I'll talk to you later, Angelo.

-Bernie Fernie Samuelson. -Mr Stern.

Bernie boy you're right on time. I just finished putting,

up the sign and who should show up but mr ceramics himself.

-How do you like it?

-Fine looks real nice i'm sure i'll like it fine.

I thought you would. And we've got every facility and I mean,

every facility, exactly as stated in the new catalog.

We got kind of a motto here at lakeside you will never repent,

what you don't misrepresent. Am I right or am I right?

Uh excuse me a minute, Bernie.

Lefty, Lefty, up there on a tower.

That's Lefty James a head counselor I told you about him.

Lefty, say hello to Bernie Samuelson.

Samuelson.

Sir M X.

Watch this. This beats the fire department

the way this guy goes into action.

You know it's no fluke he was once in a tizen picture watch him now.

Knowing your background in sculpture Bernie and i'm not going to buy a pig in a poke.

Knowing your background i'm confident that you'll agree with me,

that ceramics has taken a large step forward here at camp lakeside

Like I told you in New York at our interview,

our motto is top-notch performance for top-notch clients.

Or in other words let's have something to show the parents.

This instrument, fellas, as many of you know,

is called a potter's wheel. Men have been,

using them for hundreds of years to make themselves many beautiful and useful things.

You know once upon a time, not so very long ago, there was no such thing as a,

neighborhood variety store or a or a department store,

or a hardware store where people could,

buy the things that they now take for granted.

Men had to make things with their hands.

-And that's how, well that's how craftsmanship began. -Uncle Bernie?

Why do we call you uncle uncle Bernie?

Oh, well uh it's uh policy uh gives the, camp more of a family atmosphere.

Last year I went to camp Whispering Willow and it was different.

We call the, council's cousin Whispering Willow like, cousin Leo, or our cousin jerome.

I see well uh the counselors were probably younger,

there henry that could be why you called him cousin.

Cousin herman at Whispering Willow,

-he was twice as old as my father. -Bless him.

He should live to be a thousand.

Right now we're talking about the potter's,

wheel henry the thing that's made it so remarkable through the centuries...

Hey, uncle Bernie he's still a dog in my ear.

He's a liar it wasn't no dog it was nothing but a mouse.

All right, knock it off.

Uh, suppose everybody helps himself to clay.

Not for sticking it in each other's ears mind you.

But just to get the feel of what we're trying to do here

All right come on, come on.

What do you think it is uncle Bernie?

i'll give you a hint.

it wriggles.

And it also crawls on its belly uncle Bernie.

-You get it yet? -A snake. -You knew it all the time.

That's because I had certain advantages, Henry.

Three special courses at one of our finest universities

Otherwise I might never have known.

Pancake, huh?

Always a great favorite.

Something you can depend on.

Pancakes, snakes,

and ashtrays.

It shows great promise.

All right you guys, the doubles.

junior parker says

Out of the water. Intermediate dolphins there.

I said intermediate dolphins.

That feeds all you guys to ceramics.

Rock the mud pies and hit the dick.

Hey, wait.

Uncle Bernie, we are going swiming.

Yeah sure i'll mind it but i won't be responsible for it.

Thing like this should be insured.

Well we seem to have missed each other.

What's your name?

It's, uh, it's Aaron.

-Aaron what?

Uh, Aaron Gold, uncle Bernie.

I did mean to forget about the swimming.

I promise to play with everybody else the next time.

And I promise I won't go off by myself either.

-You're gonna report me. -Take it easy, Aaron.

There's nothing to worry about.

You mind letting me see what you made.

Oh, it's nothing it's just an old thing, really. It's nothing.

Well i'll say this for it Aaron, it looks like a pretty interesting nothing, do you mind?

I like this Aaron, I like it very much.

And you don't have to worry i'm not going to report you I promise.

Well...

Hey, come on. Now it's not such a big thing.

Besides you better hurry you're gonna be late for swimming. Come on, come on.

Thank you uncle Lionel.

Hey that's all right fellas.

I smell that man there, huh Bernie?

I t's kind of tonic you don't buy in a bottle.

-Real nice mr Stern real nice. -How'd it go today with ceramics?

-The boys are catching on? -Well yes and no.

It it varies with group the group of course.

-No projects yet? -Not yet, not the first day mr Stern.

Oh some of these kids come from autistic,

families Bernie they catch on quick, believe me.

Quick, quick, quick, like lightning. These,

boys have a tough time keeping up with them.

Uh, one thing i thought i'd mention,

Lefty was a little annoyed this morning.

The Gold kid coming 15 minutes late for swimming.

I told Lefty i'd mention it to you.

You know that couldn't be helped mr Stern.

What happened was the kid was...

Oh, please Bernie. I'm not for one moment,

suggesting that you held the kid back on purpose.

I know how kids are.

I'm just trying to give it to you from Lefty's point of view.

From Lefty's point of view, huh?

Another thing...

Lefty says the Gold kid is kind of peculiar.

Teaching him to swim he says, like trying to float a rock.

-Peculiar? Why? -Oh please Bernie don't ask me.

Ask Lefty. I can tell you one thing, though from my own experience.

Swimming is very important. If there's,

one thing parents like to see when they,

come on visiting day, It's their kids, swimming back and forth.

Back and forth like fish in a tub.

I never thought of that before.

Oh we aim to develop a well-rounded boy here at camp lakeside

Let's face it. Even Lefty can't teach a kid to swim,

if he's not there.

Hey fellas, and uncle Leo. I'll have the ball.

The air in the legs,

the legs are beautiful. How'd you manage that?

Well I worried uncle Bernie.

For the whole two whole weeks I worried about the legs.

Okay so you're worried. So what else did you do?

Well last night in bed,

I worried some more.

And then I started to feel my own legs.

You know the way things really are.

So today I started over.

You like the way he's standing?

I like very much the way he's standing.

-Standing brave isn't it. -I don't get that Aaron.

I mean I don't understand exactly what you mean.

Well it's no good at all unless he's, really standing brave.

Well he could be standing brave,

certainly no one can say he's not standing brave.

What kind of a dragon do you think the knight is fighting uncle Bernie?

-You're gonna make a dragon there? -No.

Excuse me Aaron but if you're not gonna make a,

dragon then what difference, does it make what kind.

You mean, you don't understand?

I'm sorry I guess I don't.

Well, the more terrible the dragon is uncle Bernie,

the braver the night would have to be for fighting such dragon.

Even if we can't see what it is.

-Okay fellas there it goes. -Intermediate dolphins.

-And the dolphin. -All right fellas let's go. Come on.

Aaron, didn't you hear the whistle?

Aaron did you or did you not hear the whistle?

-Well I was working. -That's fine.

That's great you can work some more on wednesday.

Now let's spoil a nice attendance record you've got for the last two weeks.

-Uncle Lefty you'll be weird come on. -Please uncle Bernie.

Please what please won't you let me finish the legs.

Now while I know what the dragon looks like.

While I have it all in my mind.

Can I go on uncle Bearny, please.

All right. Go on.

Whose side do you think i'm on anyway, the dragons?

Bernie i'll go straight to the, fundamentals. You're lucky it's me not,

Lefty James is calling on you now.

-Lefty's so mad he could chew the yours right out of his robe. -Now wait.

Did I or, did I not tell you to get the Gold kids a swimming instruction on time. Did I?

-I tried. -You tried? i'm telling you for the last time, Bernie.

Letting a kid play potsy with clay all, day long is not my idea of the, well-rounded approach

A parent who pays a lot of money is not,

going to be satisfied with a lousy clay pot.

Mr Stern...

This is the work of Aaron Gold. Does it look like a lousy clay pot?

It's promising i'll grant you.

Why doesn't he finish it?

-Should a thing that size take a 40-hour week. -Why not?

-What? If the boy cares enough,

mr Stern if his heart and soul are wrapped up in...

What he's trying to do me Bernie? Angelo asphalted the whole entrance road,

and parking lot in five stinking days.

Five days.

This is not a parking lot mr Stern. Aaron, was not working with asphalt.

Asphalt. In two weeks time Lefty James, has got 111 kids swimming like they was,

mackerels without bored motors on them.

Eevery kid in camp except little ceramics.

-Who? -You heard me. Little sir amex.

Otherwise known as Aaron Gold.

That's what Lefty calls him though.

Will you tell Lefty James for me mr Stern.

You tell that big mouth muscle-bound,

-peacocks... -Yes?

what would you like me to tell them for you, Bernie?

Never mind forget I said it.

We understand each other, don't we Bernie?

-I guess we do. -Good then there's no hard feeling.

As long as Lefty's not screaming in this,

uh, whatchamacallit of Aaron Gold has,

two arms on it when his parents come on sunday

-All right? -I guess it'll have to be all right.

Uh, couldn't you work a little faster, huh?

-Faster? -Yeah.

Well uncle Bernie how can I go faster when I wanted to be right.

Aaron it's going to be great. It's going to be fine. But you.

only got this period to finish it.

Your parents are coming on sunday. Don't you see what I mean?

Only my father uncle Bernie.

Only my father will become on sunday.

see he doesn't marry my mother anymore.

Your father what would he think if after,

three weeks time you hadn't even finished one thing.

He wouldn't care.

Not if it was beautiful.

I'm sorry uncle Bernie, I can't go faster.

-Your father wouldn't be disappointed, huh? -No.

-Aaron think of mr Stern. -Who? -mr Stern.

-What's he got to do with it? -But mr Stern,

is the owner of camp lakeside. You know, how proud,

he is the way they get things done here on time

-The cooking meaning that? -No!

That is not what I mean. What I mean.

Is mr Stern he wouldn't want your father to be disappointed.

-�Mm? -Aaron pay attention.

It's all right uncle Bernie.

My father won't get mad tell mr Stern.

My father's like you.

Like who?

You.

That's what I thought you said.

-You know something uncle Bernie? -I doubt it.

I doubt very much that I know anything.

My father could lick uncle Lefty.

You know what I said?

Yeah I heard you.

You said your father could lick uncle Lefty.

I'm sorry I couldn't go any faster.

I like the snake Bernie. Cute as a bug. Look at the smile on his face.

I like it. The parents will appreciate it tomorrow.

Nice, uh, ashtray?

Nice turtle Bernie. You know you could, easily recognize it for a turtle.

Another ashtray.

Well,

One advantage to an ashtray is a boy can,

make a practical gift for his dad.

Oh incidentally Bernie, you should hear this.

Uh we were talking about Aaron Gold,

-Yes. -His father owns the Daisy Dooley,

chain of supermarkets. 47 stars.

Live wire merchant he wouldn't want a,

boy who's half a bump on a log.

-Who, Aaron? -It's almost hopeless.

He hasn't got the intermediate dolphin swimming,

badge to show his father in the first place.

He hasn't got the woodcraft badge, doesn't have a softball stripe in fact,

he just ain't got it and I say thank goodness for ceramics.

-Where's that thing he was making? -Oh it's over here.

KNIGHT FIGHTING A DRAGON. BY AARON GOLD

Dragon? What dragon? Well the dragon is,

Well we must assume there's a dragon.

Are you kidding me Bernie? The arm is still missing.

Why this thing is as ridiculous as it was five days ago?

Are you trying to cover up for that boy?

Is there something you're deliberately trying to hide from me?

-No, there's nothing. -I asked you well in advance.

While there was still plenty of time,

I warned you. I begged you. I said something has to be,

finished to show on visiting day.

-Did I or didn't I? -Yes mr Stern you told,

me in plenty of time.

�Then finish it!

I don't understand.

I'm telling you to get a lump of clay,

and put our right arm on this two-legged,

jackass of a one-armed knight. The dragon we will not even discuss.

I couldn't do that mr Stern, I couldn't.

-You couldn't do what? -I couldn't do that to Aaron.

This whole thing is his every little bit of it conception.

-Execution loving care i'd only spoil it for him -Spoil it?

-That's what you said? -Well yes.

Bernie, Bernie, I pay you six hundred,

dollars for the season that's more than,

anybody in this whole camp. Lefty James accepted.

I appreciate that mr Stern.

Would you like to call it quits right now?

Third week in july prorate the season?

II couldn't do that mr Stern.

My shop's closed up all my things are in storage.

There's no business before september or october.

I couldn't do that.

And you put an arm and a sword on Don Quixote here.

Do it now, or else i'll help you pack your bag.

Ladies and gentlemen allow me to bid you,

okay good welcome to camp lakeside.

In your honor we are giving a diving exhibition.

We hope you like it.

Hey Jeff, bring your parents right down to the lake.

You too Mike.

Attaboy, ruby ready going one minute.

Aaron? Aren't you supposed to be down at the lake at the welcoming exercises?

Oh well I snuck out of there.

Nobody knows it just you and me.

Uh do you think that was a nice thing for you to do?

Well I wanted to wait for my father here.

I wrote him in a letter.

I said: Meet me at ceramics.

-Come here a second Aaron -What?

Look.

It's got an arm and a sword.

He's got an arm.

-Who put them on? -I did.

Well you can't expect a knight to fight without two arms, okay.

-Aaron! -I hate it. You won't it's not mine.

Aaron, I was only trying to help. Aaron listen.

Please listen to me, AAaron.

Crying out loud Bernie, what's the matter with the Gold kid?

-What you do put a bomb on her today of all day? -That's right.

I put a bomb under him last night then I added a sword.

Aaron doesn't have your passion for getting things done on schedule mr Stern.

-You mean the arm that was only a suggestion -Yeah.

But I got a better suggestion.

Now my suggestion mr Stern is that you...

Excuse me, my name is Herbert Gold. I'm looking for Aaron.

My son.

Seeing that story almost makes me want to let my instructor out.

However, he's not done yet.

Perhaps he will be in another minute. We shall see.

I wonder if the sponsor could be persuaded to clean out the kiln sometime.

My vows turned out beautifully, don't you think?

I'm going to use it to hold these ashes,

I found on the floor in there.

As my dear instructor used to say:

"Art is long, life is brief".

So until next week at this time, good night.