Original subtitles

Good morning.

This is Sam.

Sam recently got married to her husband, Mark.

Sam took Mark's last name.

Sam was able to navigate the legal name change process fairly easily,

and her friends, family and coworkers adjusted to the change quickly as well.

This is Finn.

Finn also changed their name,

but they had a lot harder time doing so with the same entities.

Finn had to get a court order,

had to publish their name change in the local newspaper for two weeks

so anyone who wanted to could object to it.

Finn is often asked if that’s really their name

or what their real name was.

Finn has been made by complete strangers in restaurants

and house parties to produce their driver’s license

for no reason other than to prove that Finn was their legal name.

Finn has been told by friends and loved ones:

“You’ll have to understand I’m going to mess up.

This is really hard for me.”

So what happened?

Why was Sam’s switch so smooth and Finn’s so not?

Finn changed their name because Finn is a non-binary transgender person.

That change was part of Finn’s transition.

Finn’s based on a true story.

I’m willing to wager most of you in the crowd tonight

know somebody who is married.

Maybe you’re married yourself.

Maybe you’ve been to a couple weddings, of course.

But for some of you, I’m the first nonbinary person you’ve ever met

face-to-face.

You might be encountering a little confusion

because your brain hasn’t figured out what box to put me in yet.

See, it’s human nature to classify things, right?

Everything has a name and a box it goes in,

and everything is all a part of this grand reality.

That reality was built for the Sams and Marks of the world.

See these boxes that we put so many things into

were built long before you and I got here.

A lot of people, mostly people the same skin color I am,

like to split things into binaries,

sets of two.

Day and night.

Rich and poor.

White and Black.

Man and woman.

Good and evil.

Us and them.

We’ll come back to that one.

These binary boxes are social constructs,

classification systems put in place

by people in positions of power who wanted very much for things to stay that way

and perpetuated, knowingly or unknowingly,

by similar groups of people who benefit from those systems today.

But where did this power come from?

How did we get here?

When a binary is established,

the two entities naturally oppose one another in our minds

like poles on a magnet.

Day is the opposite of night.

Good is the antithesis of evil.

When you apply this to groups of people,

something interesting happens.

You end up with a macro-binary of self and other,

where one group, usually the group that looks or behaves most similarly

to the group that established the binary, is held in favor over the other.

When someone comes along who disrupts this binary,

the people who benefit from it don’t like it very much.

So what happens?

That group, that person, is ostracized, silenced,

legislated to the margins,

or worse, eliminated entirely.

Sam had a lot easier time changing her name

because Sam was following the socially constructed framework.

Sam is cisgender, heterosexual, white woman

marrying a cisgender, heterosexual, white man

and replacing her last name with his.

Sam is following a path set before her by generations on generations,

on generations of people in positions of power.

When someone comes out as transgender,

they’re directly challenging this binary system.

So what have we learned? What happens?

Marginalization.

Other-ization.

Suddenly the trans community are sick, perverted groomers leering in bathrooms

waiting to prey on your children.

Won't somebody think of the children?

Any attempt to empathize with

or connect to or support the trans community

is seen as wokeness taking over

or entertaining the delusions of the mentally ill.

No nuance allowed.

You get in your box and you stay there,

or be eliminated.

And I’m not just strawmanning here.

In 2022 alone, 370 anti-trans bills

have crossed the legislative floors in the United States,

mostly affecting trans kids.

These are bills that forbid trans people from using the bathroom

that most closely aligns with their gender identity.

These are bills that force teachers to out trans children to their families.

These are bills that deny trans people life-saving medical care.

These bills lead to abuse.

They lead to violence,

and they lead to other heartbreaking outcomes.

In 2021, over 350 trans people

were murdered in hate crimes in the U.S.

To this very day,

murderers of queer people are walking free

because LGBTQ+ or gay panic defenses

are still seen as a viable defense the courts of 21 U.S. states.

And this is about so much more than just the gender binary.

Look at our collage here.

Do we see a pattern?

Most of the trans people who were murdered last year

are Black and Latine trans women.

So you see, these binaries intersect.

The binary of gender,

and the self/other binary of race.

So what do we do?

How do we stop this?

We expand.

We expand the ways we think about and talk about the world around us.

We learn about the binaries that exist in our society

and the ways in which they work towards certain groups of people positively

or negatively.

We call out when these binaries are being enforced.

And call upon expansion in multiple different avenues.

We support and uplift the groups of people who are being marginalized.

And we call out bigotry and small-mindedness when we see it.

It can be simple.

It can be as simple as introducing yourself by saying:

“Hi. My name is Finn. My pronouns are they/them.

What are yours?”

It can be as simple as researching your governmental candidates

and voting in every election, every time,

to make sure that harmful legislation never sees a House or Senate floor.

It can be as simple as donating time or money

to organizations that uplfit marginalized groups.

It can be as simple as having those difficult,

uncomfortable conversations with your ignorant friends and family.

It can be simple.

But we have to make the conscious decision to do it.

You know,

I’m often told by people who I give these diversity educations to:

“Yeah, I support the queer community and everything,

but I just wish you didn’t have to make it your whole personality.

We get it.

You’re trans. Big deal.

Why can’t people just be people?”

And you know what?

I agree with them.

I would want nothing more than to be seen for the multifaceted person that I am.

I want my transness to be the least interesting thing about me.

But the truth of the matter is,

there are people in this world who look at me and people like me

and see one thing.

A mistake.

A threat that must be erased.

They see this in me, and they see this in so many of my trans siblings.

Now, I have the benefit of carrying a certain level of privilege.

So if me being here and trans and loud

convinces even one trans child to love themselves

for all their many facets,

it’s worth it.

The sooner we stop thinking in terms of day and night.

the more space we leave for sunrises and sunsets.

The sooner we stop splitting things in half,

the sooner we create a world more whole,

more safe and more successful.

Not just for ourselves,

but for the generations to come.

Thank you.

(Applause)