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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,040 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy, Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! 2 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:11,520 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy, Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! 3 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,160 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy, Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! 4 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:16,400 Awop boppa-loo-bop, awop bam boom! 5 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:21,840 I've got a girl named Sue, She knows just what to do! 6 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:27,240 I've got a girl named Sue, She knows just what to do! 7 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:30,040 She rocks to the east, She rocks to the west, 8 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:32,640 But she's the girl I love best! 9 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:36,520 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy, Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! 10 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,080 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! 11 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,680 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! 12 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:44,360 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! 13 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:48,680 Awop boppa-loo-bop, Awop bam boom! 14 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:52,800 RADIO ON: SCOTTISH DANCE BAND 15 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:21,120 'The quiet man of Scottish country dance music... 16 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:27,560 'Jimmy Shand and his Band with "Kiss Me Quick, My Mother's Coming." 17 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:32,640 'And good morning to the skipper and crew of the "Golden Lass", 18 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:35,600 out there in the Pentland Firth...' 19 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:40,360 Sounds like a nice quiet boy! 20 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:46,680 Hurry up and find this dump, Dennis. I'm badly in need of hair-restorer. 21 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,800 'You're listening to Radio Buckie... 22 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,800 '..on 229 metres on the Medium Waveband...' 23 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:57,840 DENNIS: C'mon, you guys, get it together... 24 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:02,480 It'll help push the ticket sales up into double figures! 25 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:07,320 '..And two of the Majestics will be dropping in to 26 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:11,240 '"Lachie's Phone-in" very shortly...' 27 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:18,280 DENNIS: What is it I'm looking for? Some kind of TV aerial? 28 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:21,480 'It's 5.54am on Radio Buckie...' 29 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:26,720 A fish factory, the guy said. Please...! 30 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,920 These buildings all smell the same. 31 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:34,760 'My special guests this morning, and still half-asleep, 32 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:38,800 'I imagine, Bomba MacAteer and Danny McGlone... 33 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,080 'So if you want to speak to them... 34 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:47,280 Does that have to be that loud? > I want to listen to the phone-in. 35 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:51,800 Three...double three... Double nine! 36 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:59,400 'And to help take us to the News with George Alexander Nesbitt, the B side of the 1962 hit single - 37 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:03,120 'the Majestics and "Rip It Up"...' 38 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:11,520 How's your head? Splittin'. I said to take it easy last night. 39 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:15,440 I did take it easy. I only had one whisky. 40 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:22,360 You've had a 'headache' EVERY night since Brodick. It's my injury. 41 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:26,680 I wouldn't mind, but I haven't seen you for weeks. 42 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:30,920 Gonna quit nagging, Noreen? It's no' even dawn! 43 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:35,120 MAJESTICS: ..Gonna have me a ball! 44 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:39,360 Gonna rock it up! Gonna rip it up... 45 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:42,400 It's not just an excuse... Is it? 46 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:46,240 ..Gonna have a BALL tonight! 47 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:51,040 VINCENT! It's not just an excuse, is it? 48 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,560 Cut it out, will you? I'm tired. 49 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:57,680 You haven't been seeing anybody, have you? 50 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:00,760 It's headaches I get, no' visions! 51 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:05,800 Gonna stop bothering us? You know what I mean! ..Have you? 52 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:11,720 Have I what? Been seeing anybody?! NO! Now shut tup and let me sleep! 53 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:18,320 I know fine well you've been seeing somebody! 54 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:24,160 Then what the hell are you asking for?! I've NOT been seeing anybody. 55 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,080 You know what you are, don't you? 56 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:31,880 TIRED... of you and your whining, Noreen! 57 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:35,920 THROUGH THE WALL: Shut the hell up! > 58 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,920 RADIO: Gonna break it up! 59 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:06,640 GUITAR RIFF 60 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,640 Sorry! THEATRICAL SIGH 61 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:45,680 Gonna SHAKE it up! Gonna BREAK it up! Gonna rock it up... 62 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:52,600 Gonna BALL tonight! SONG PLAYS OUT 63 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:57,120 Morag! FINAL DRUM ROLL 64 00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:01,960 "Rip It Up" - vintage 1962 from the Majestics, there. 65 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,120 HULLO?! 66 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,960 ..on 229 pullovers on Medium Wave, > 67 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:13,320 ..and 32 dirty shirts on the Short Wave. 68 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:19,320 And it's EXACTLY one and a half > minutes from the Big Six. 69 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:26,800 It'll be the News very shortly, > and after that, a double helping of the Majestics - Danny and Bomba. 70 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:30,840 Stick your digits in the phone dial, Radio Buckie Lovers... 71 00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:37,880 Everything You Always Wanted To Know About rock and roll But Were Afraid To Ask! 72 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,840 OPENING BARS OF ROCKY BURNETTE'S "TIRED OF TOEIN' THE LINE" 73 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:44,040 Take it away, Rocky! 74 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:56,040 Are you there, Morag! 75 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,560 Oh! 76 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:02,600 Er...we just got here. Dammit! 77 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:07,800 Don't tell me. Let me guess! You're Danny? HE'S Danny. 78 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,680 Then you're Bambi? BOMBA! 79 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:15,600 Come away in. I'll get Morag to fetch you some refreshments. 80 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:20,840 What do you feel like? I know - death warmed up, right?! 81 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,440 Are you in the loo, Morag? 82 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:28,720 You can have tea, coffee, Coke, Tab or porridge from the machine. 83 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:33,760 Well, gentlemen, how is the Golden Jubilee Tour progressing? 84 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:38,400 A Golden Jubilee is 50 years, pal. Aye, aye. How's it going? 85 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,560 MORAG! 86 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:46,600 ..Tired of toeing the line... KNOCK AT DOOR 87 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,160 Who is it? < It's only me. 88 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,920 Only me who? < Only me - Fud. 89 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:56,360 Frank! Can I come in? < I'm in bed. 90 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,920 I've no' got a wireless in my room. 91 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,200 Hang on a minute. 92 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:10,440 Can you not listen to Vincent's? Not what? Listen to VINCENT'S! 93 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:14,240 I've asked them. They sent me here. 94 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:17,280 < OK. Did you say something? 95 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,880 I said, come IN! 96 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:26,840 I didnae know you were in your bed. Where else would I be at 6am! 97 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:31,200 Have they been on yet? They're on after the News. 98 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:34,240 Don't sit on my legs! Sorry. 99 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,640 What're you staring at? 100 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,880 You suit it! 101 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:48,920 I'm here to see he doesn't make a total idiot of himself, not to provide home comforts. 102 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:53,760 He left this here when he went back to his OWN bed in his own room. 103 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:06,000 KNOCK AT DOOR Mm? 104 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:15,360 'Morning, sir! 'Morning, madam! 105 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:21,400 Bloody HELL! What time is it? Not long till we're in Aberdeen. 106 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:28,440 Is it the wife that was the coffee? Oh. Here's your coffee, Miss Toner...dear! 107 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:41,000 Aw, no... I don't like these biscuits! 108 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:45,040 Just press that when you've finished. OK? 109 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:52,080 DOOR SHUTS What kind have you got, Mr Clockerty? Ssh! He'll hear you! 110 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:55,680 What kind of WHAT have I got? 111 00:09:55,680 --> 00:10:02,720 You get a choice when you travel First Class. I cannae eat these. They're stoatin'! 112 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:07,840 Try dunking them. Try whatting them? DUNKING them! 113 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:12,880 Don't shout! It's no' MY fault you never got this injunction. 114 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:20,480 I don't know what we went down to London for. I could've told you we wouldnae get it. Shut up, Janice. 115 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:27,520 Why worry, anyway? There's naebody going to see the stupid programme up in Buckie. 116 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:32,560 I'd be surprised if they've got the wireless up there, never mind TV. 117 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:39,120 Nope, this is impossible. I've tried it... They're STILL stoatin'. 118 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:44,160 Thank you, George Alexander, for that News and Weather update. 119 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:48,800 Some rough seas coming up, so don't forget the Rainmates, eh?! 120 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:52,760 It's just coming up to seven minutes past six, 121 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:55,480 and Lachie's here till eight. 122 00:10:55,480 --> 00:11:00,520 Could you go a wee blether once again? Och aye! 123 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:05,520 And I'm joined in the studio by two great mates of mine - 124 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:09,040 Danny McGlone and Bomba MacAteer... 125 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:14,800 Danny and Bomba frae the Majestics Showband. (Aw, no!) Hold on, pal... 126 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,280 (They arenae a 'Showband'!) 127 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,320 Aye, aye... Danny's brother, Jazza, 128 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:24,600 was recently killed in a horrendous road accident, 129 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,320 so a specially warm welcome to him. 130 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:32,640 Perhaps some of our listeners will be phoning in to talk about that. 131 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:35,400 We've our first caller on the line - 132 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,800 and Morag's on switchboard today. 133 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:45,880 Good morning! And it's...? 'Mrs Henderson.' And it's a question for Bomba, yes? 134 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:53,280 Put that back on! I want to listen to the phone-in. NO! 135 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:58,320 He's only going to embarrass us. It's off and it's staying off. 136 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:05,480 It's MY radio! 'I like a Forfar Bridie or a big Mac...' 137 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:11,320 See what I mean?! No, I DON'T! '..that package tour for a year...' 138 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:14,920 Take a telling, Noreen! 139 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:20,320 Where're you going? Never mind. Don't slam that door! 140 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:24,960 Your manners haven't improved. What was that? 141 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:29,000 Don't slam the door, Noreen, PLEASE. 142 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,400 Don't slam the door... Please. 143 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:41,560 'And our next caller...' < DOOR SLAMS What was that? Ssh! 144 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:46,080 < Are you there, Susan? I'll get it. 145 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:49,000 I know fine he's been... Och! 146 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:57,640 Don't be daft! He only came in to listen to the radio... Sit down. 147 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:01,680 Shift over, you... Sit down, Noreen. 148 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:04,720 'OK, let's leave that call... 149 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:12,240 'You're tuned to Radio Buckie - the pride of the north-east. 229 metres on the Medium Waveband. 150 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,280 'We'll just take a breather there. 151 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:19,040 'Be right back...' Rivetting! 152 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,800 Yes? We might be missing something! 153 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:26,720 That... '..flounders at 62p...' is what you're missing! 154 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,720 So... 155 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:35,520 What's the latest? RADIO ON VERY LOW 156 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:40,320 Away we go again. In the studio are Danny McGlone and Bomba MacAteer... 157 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:46,040 Ring 0542 if you're not living in the Buckie area, then 33399. 158 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:51,080 And we have another caller... Hi! You're through to Danny and Bomba. 159 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:57,120 'I'd like to ask Bomba something.' I don't know why I bothered coming. 160 00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:04,040 'Do you mind when the Majestics last played Buckie?' Aye, they lost 4-2! 161 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:07,080 Er...let me think...er... 162 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:13,880 You are talking to ME, I take it? You've got him there, sweetheart! 163 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:17,920 They were zonked out their skulls on thae tours! 164 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:24,720 It was 1964. 'That's what I thought.' The Majestics, Billy J Kramer... 165 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:30,760 Peter and Gordon, the Honeycombs... Donald Peers, the Great Caruso...! 166 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,800 Gene Pitney and the Allisons. 167 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:39,520 Pitney used to close the show by having a birthday cake brought on 168 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:42,400 for him - EVERY night of the tour! 169 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:49,280 Always brought the house down. I reckon he must be about 549 by now! 170 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:57,080 I hate Gene Pitney. 'I've got a photo of you and my mum... 171 00:14:57,080 --> 00:15:01,120 'and my mum's cutting some kind of cake. 172 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,800 'It looks as if it's on a boat...' 173 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:09,200 No, if that's what I think it is, that wasnae a Pitney birthday... 174 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:13,240 That was dead gen. A boat, you say? 175 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:19,280 'There's all this wood panelling...' Have you got the photo there? 176 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:24,200 'Like a liner...' I know where that was! 177 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:30,520 Hello, sweetheart? That was September 29th, 1964. 178 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:35,200 It was taken in the back of the British Legion Club... 179 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,560 Vincent's 22nd birthday. All right? 180 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:46,200 Then there were the rehearsals, and if I was out, he was at home... 181 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:53,520 So a young lady wi' a souvenir of the Majestics' first visit to Buckieland... 182 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:57,560 'But...' - Sorry? 'I haven't asked my question yet.' 183 00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,640 Oh, my mistake! 184 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,680 BAA-ING NOISES 185 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:05,680 Smacked botty and sent to bed! 186 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,720 So it's not about the photo then? 187 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:15,000 'D'you mind giving my mum a pendant?' (Who's she asking?) ..A pendant? 188 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,480 Come on, let's get on! 189 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:26,120 No offence. 'It's engraved with "I'll never get over you. Bomba." 190 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:32,280 'Do you mind about it? I've only just found it in her things.' Er... 191 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,400 He cannae even remember last night! 192 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,680 'DO you?!' Er... 193 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:43,280 Why don't you drop him a line? That'd be best. 194 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:45,280 It's 06.18... 195 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:52,880 right here on Radio Buckie! 'Do you REMEMBER her, I said?' 196 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:57,920 I could've gave 100s of pendants to dolls. I didnae keep a log-book! 197 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,800 (This chick is aggravating me!) 198 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:08,200 And a VERY interesting chat there! Let's take another caller now... 199 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:12,440 Hello? 'She died of cancer.' (God!) 200 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:17,080 Now we'll play you one of Lachie's Leapers... 201 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:22,320 'You never called her!' (Get rid of her!) Aye! 202 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:28,760 'D'you know when MY birthday is?' - One of the great sounds on 229...! 203 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:34,400 'It's June 27th, 1965.' - (Morag, pull the plug on 2.) 204 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:39,200 'Exactly 9 months after the Majestics' concert.' 205 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:45,600 She's trying to tell you something! 206 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,000 That's it! Wait! 207 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,480 Come back...fellas! 208 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,920 And if I had the evening off... Hold on, Noreen. 209 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,960 Take it, you nuisance! Thanks. 210 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:05,000 I was getting frantic. I... Sorry. 211 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:09,040 I didn't mean in here. Outside! Oh, sorry. 212 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,280 You were saying? 213 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:17,040 MACDONALD SISTERS SING IN GAELIC 214 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,640 AWAY TO HELL! > 215 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,080 Noreen? < Are ye listening? 216 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,800 The guys'll be on after this garbage. 217 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:30,840 BEAT IT, YA MORON! 218 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:38,560 DENNIS: Where to? Just drive around for a bit. 219 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:45,120 He's had a nasty shock, the boy... Could've been a hoax call, Bomba. 220 00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:50,840 It'll be Vincent up to his tricks. Just drive and leave this to me. 221 00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:01,160 Say something. Even if it's only "Shut tup, Danny Boy!" 222 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,760 Shuttup, Danny Boy! 223 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,160 Thanks! 224 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:10,200 You try to be sympathetic... Leave me alone. 225 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:14,520 I've gotta think. I've had no time to digest it. 226 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,520 It can be a shock, a call like that. 227 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:23,080 You reckon it's gen? Well, there WAS the pendant. 228 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:27,640 That proves nothing. No? It needs the bird's name on it. 229 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:32,680 Now if it had said "Mandy" on it... Mandy? Or Cindy, Mindy, whatever... 230 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:40,040 It might stand up in a Court of Law. What d'you mean 'Court of Law'?! 231 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:44,880 She'll want to sue for child maintenance. What? 232 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:49,240 Then there's her education... Clothing... Dental work... 233 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:53,840 Depriving her of a parent's love... 234 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:59,880 Could be quite a sum. A few grand at least. Quit acting it, you pair! 235 00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:05,440 It's bad enough finding out you MIGHT be somebody's Old Man, 236 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:08,360 without you two laughing at it. 237 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,440 I wasnae laughing. Nor me, neither. 238 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,400 I read about a similar case... 239 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:19,480 The 'absconding father' had to fork out 70,000 dollars. 240 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:27,600 Look at it, this way, Bomba... It's a big sister for the other four. 241 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,640 Christine'll be pleased, eh?! 242 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:36,080 Aw, God! And a niece for Uncle Vincent! Chuck it! 243 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:53,240 Will you stop worrying about it! 244 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:57,520 YOU'RE not the one that's in it, Janice. 245 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:01,120 You realise the good name of Cl... 246 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:03,720 Are you smirking? 247 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:09,720 ..the good name of Clockerty Enterprises could be in tatters! 248 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:14,880 What time's it on at? What did you say to them? 249 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:21,560 You didnae let on about the dodgy vinyl, did you? Of COURSE I never. 250 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:26,680 Or the Souvenir Brochure scam? No, no, no, no! 251 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:30,600 Well, what then?! That you owe the VAT man £2,000? 252 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:37,240 It's much worse than that. Payola... famous names...sexual favours... 253 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:38,800 Eh?! What names? 254 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:45,240 You wouldnae know any of them. My mum will, though. 255 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:49,920 Sexual favours, did you say?! Allegations, Miss Toner! 256 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:55,720 Look, whose side are you on? I'll have to wait and see. 257 00:21:55,720 --> 00:22:02,160 Och, it's only going out on BBC Scotland! Why WORRY about it? 258 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:06,680 Why worry? This IS Scotland, you stupid girl! 259 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:12,120 The way you were talking, I thought it was going to be seen by millions! 260 00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:16,840 What's on the other side? What's...! 261 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,880 How can you be so disloyal, Janice? 262 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,800 Oh-oh! Don't turn round. 263 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,320 Guess who's on the train? 264 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:34,880 DON'T turn round, I said! It's not MRS Clockerty, is it? 265 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,880 It's HER. 266 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:41,000 That's what I'm saying! How did...? No' her... 267 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,680 HER! Vincent's girlfriend. 268 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,240 Vincent's girlfriend? 269 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:50,800 I told you not to turn round! She's seen us now. 270 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,280 HI! 271 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:55,560 She's coming up. And why not? 272 00:22:55,560 --> 00:23:02,040 She's a perfectly nice lassie. Yeah, you WOULD think that... HI! 273 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:05,720 What're YOU doing on this train? 274 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:11,000 Fancy bumping into you two! I thought I recognised the faces. 275 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,760 Do you want to sit by the window? 276 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:20,000 You're no' going up to Buckie? > Yeah, I've a surprise for Vincent! 277 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,600 You've had it, then? < Had what? 278 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,120 Where's the carrycot? > The what? 279 00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:28,880 I've knitted him a lumber jacket. 280 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:33,920 Aw, I thought you meant... Meant WHAT? 281 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:48,600 D'you think he'll like it? Yes...it's very nice. Isn't it, Janice? 282 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:54,200 I just hope it's not too big... D'you think he'll like the toggles? 283 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,800 It'll do for frightening folk! 284 00:23:56,800 --> 00:24:01,840 What's she saying? Er, and all this is hand knitting? 285 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:08,120 I might be able to place one or two with the San Diego Misfits, Janice. 286 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:15,160 It's not possible to knit it with the shorter full-length sleeve? Is that a joke? 287 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:18,240 Janice! 288 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:22,640 About price... What do you think, Miss Toner? 289 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,800 You couldnae sell THAT... 290 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:31,040 ..no' in our shop. > I said, San Diego Misfits! 291 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:38,040 How long did it take to knit? All my hospital stay. As long as that? 292 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:43,080 You'd have to charge a fortune... £10 or £12. 293 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:46,360 I think you're both horrible! 294 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:52,360 - Were you thinking a fiver? - Let me out! Mind your feet! 295 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:55,600 What did you say to her? Nothing! > 296 00:24:55,600 --> 00:25:00,680 - What'd I say?! - I'm telling Vincent! Wait, er... 297 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:02,720 Glynis. Glynis! 298 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,600 It's GLENNA! 299 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:09,400 (You're for it!) Glenna, come back! 300 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:19,880 What is it that gets into you? It was horrendous! 301 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:24,160 All that guff about San Diego Misfits! 302 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:31,480 I sometimes wonder about our relationship, Janice, whether you're not a little too... 303 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:36,760 ..too... What's the word? 304 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:43,000 Stylish? Sophisticated? Intelligent? No, no. 305 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:47,000 GALLUS! Yes, that's it. 306 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:53,040 It's better than being a sawn-off Page 3 chick that cannae knit 307 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:58,080 and eats prawn cocktails in Wimpy Bars. 308 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:01,440 I LIKE being gallus, so there! 309 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,480 Yeah, look out the window! 310 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:09,320 He's with ME... I'm no' with HIM! OK?! 311 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:13,920 SUZI: Why hasn't this telephone girl's 312 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,560 mother got in touch before now? 313 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:23,720 She must be after something... Why get in touch otherwise? 314 00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:28,760 If you'd just discovered a father, you'd want to make contact, Danny. 315 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:35,720 Cannae be dough she wants. That's a non-starter with us. What is her angle? 316 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:41,720 You're spending too much time with Vincent. You even SOUND like him. 317 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:47,440 Why does everybody have to have an angle? She's a doll, isn't she? 318 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:52,040 Every doll has an angle. I'm gonna bop you! 319 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:57,480 CAGNEY: I knew a doll once who was this tall and this skinny. 320 00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:00,080 And she used to stand like this... 321 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,800 Her angle, see! 322 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:06,880 Aargh! What's up? We're going to miss breakfast! 323 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:11,920 Run downstairs and keep us a table. Tell them I'm just coming. Hurry! 324 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:17,200 You're not having a bath, are you? No, I'm having a haddock... Go on! 325 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:22,240 RUN! I don't know how you can look at a bath tub. I couldnae. 326 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:26,720 What's your second choice? Smokies, plenty of toast 327 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:30,640 and DON'T touch my porridge. Yes, Mummy Bear! 328 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,200 These smokies are BRILLIANT, Bomba. 329 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:38,360 How come you walked off the show? > 'Morning, Vincent! 330 00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:43,400 You missed yourself this morning... Some phone-in, eh, Bomba?! 331 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:47,640 Where's Noreen? Washing my shirts. That's nice! 332 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:52,920 You want to get that bird of yours to do yours. 333 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:57,640 The kitchen staff are away. Right, Bomba? 334 00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:02,600 Have one of Bomba's smokies. They're no' bad with some garnish. 335 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,160 HULLO? 336 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,720 Will whoever's in there please...? 337 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:16,240 SOUND OF TAP RUNNING 338 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,960 (Oh, my God.) 339 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,000 Hullo? ..Hey, YOU in there! 340 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:37,600 I loathe tomato catsup on smokies. Chuck us a slice of toast, you pig. 341 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:41,960 < DANNY! I'm no' here, Kettles! 342 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:46,000 Come quick. I need you. Can it no' wait? No. 343 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,040 Don't you eat them! Come on! 344 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:52,720 The birds just cannae RESIST me! 345 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:58,200 If Noreen spoke to me like that, I'd LAMP her one. 346 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:08,480 Quit shoving! There could be someone drowning up here! 347 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,520 Out the road! 348 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,480 (My God...) 349 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,080 Noreen! 350 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:34,720 Who should I call first... the ambulance or the laundrette? 351 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:41,080 This is very kind of you to let us share your transport...Glenna. 352 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:46,880 You've never been to Buckie before? ..Nice wee town. 353 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:51,480 We were there in 64, the boys and myself. 354 00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:57,520 Big package tour, it was. Majestics were third top of the bill. 355 00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:12,200 Vincent's birthday... I'll never forget his birthday! 356 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:16,240 Everybody chipped in to buy him a cake. 357 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:24,720 ..Everybody except Gene Pitney. He offered to LEND him his! 358 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:28,760 Remind me to tell you that story sometime, Janice. 359 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,320 I remember one of the boys got in tow 360 00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:37,080 with this blonde lassie with spectacles. 361 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:40,120 She laid on the candles and hats. 362 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:45,160 We all presumed she was one of the Vernons Girls... 363 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:51,520 Till she got VERY drunk... 364 00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:55,120 ..and SAT...on Vincent's cake. 365 00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:03,520 Look what's on TV tonight... "A Fistful of Dollars"? 366 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:08,000 "Rockin' Through the Rye". That's all we need. 367 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:15,280 Is that the movie with Jackie Dennis in it? No. It is the major BBC TV documentary about ME. 368 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:20,640 Don't listen to him. He's in it briefly, making a mug of himself. 369 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:25,880 Is that the thing you snuck off from Ardrossan to do? Lousy, is he? 370 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:29,560 Let's just wait and see, shall we? 371 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:36,480 Some little gems were recorded for posterity after you went. I'm sure! 372 00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,880 I think it was Akim Tamiroff who said, 373 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:45,160 "The camera loves you, or it doesnae." Jimmy Dean was one. 374 00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:52,200 Brando's another. We're called "naturals", sweetheart. Maybe you were just TOO natural. 375 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:57,000 I'm going to find out how Noreen's doing. 376 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:06,960 Excuse me. Tell her I was asking for her. 377 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:14,720 She's done it before. She'll be as right as rain! She's a nurse. She knows how many to take. 378 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,280 I wouldn't bank on it. 379 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:29,720 I definitely missed my vocation. 380 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:34,400 I spend more time in hospitals than Dr Kildare. 381 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:39,640 What's keeping them? They should have her insides pumped out by now. 382 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:44,720 They'll tell us. You're making me nervous. I'M making YOU nervous? 383 00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,840 Aye! It's not any easier for me. 384 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:51,240 I blame it on her upbringing. 385 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:56,520 She was never this stupid till she got mixed up with you, Diver. 386 00:32:56,520 --> 00:33:03,600 SHE wants her head examined, that's what she wants... psychiatric treatment. 387 00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:11,480 One minute she's washing my shirts, the next, she's lying comatose in hospital...not very clever. 388 00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:15,600 Were you and her fighting this morning? 389 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:20,240 That's what's done it, you know that, don't you? 390 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:24,280 Did she find out about the girlfriend? 391 00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:26,880 We were NOT fighting. 392 00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,560 Who told you we were fighting? 393 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:34,880 We were getting on fine. There's nothing to find out about Glenna. 394 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:38,080 I told you, that's all finished. 395 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:42,120 When did I see her last? Eh? WHEN? 396 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:46,560 Well, SOMETHING set her off. Well, it wasnae me. 397 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:51,840 We've never been happier... Now she goes and does this to me. 398 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:56,880 Mr MacAteer? No, Mr Diver. I'm Mr MacAteer. I'm her husband. 399 00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:59,920 She wants Mr MacAteer. How is she? 400 00:33:59,920 --> 00:34:02,840 You can't stay long. She's very weak. 401 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:08,200 Hold on. I'm her husband. HE's only her brother. Why can't I see her? 402 00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:14,320 Dr McGhee will talk to you. This way. I don't want to see Dr McGhee! 403 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:18,120 Let me see my wife! Behave yourself! 404 00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:23,200 You've done enough damage. ME?! I'VE done enough damage? 405 00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:30,520 She is a nutter! And you can tell her that from me, an OUT and OUT NUTTER! 406 00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:05,200 I think I'll go up and lie down. The last time I was up this early, the wife was having Eric. 407 00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:11,040 You mean earache. No, Eric — after Eric the Red. He has ginger hair. 408 00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:14,040 That's the gear set up. I'm starving! 409 00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:16,840 There's a lump of cold smokie. 410 00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:21,880 A lump of cold smo-o-kie, All covered in... 411 00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:25,480 No, I'll get my own, thanks. 412 00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:28,240 < Suit yourself. Hello? 413 00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:40,480 What kinda joint is this? There's no-one about, not even an egg. Do they take the grub home? 414 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:48,960 I telephoned. She's come round. Hi, Dennis. There isn't a proper visiting hour till later. 415 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:56,240 Did Danny tell you what happened? He didn't need to. Did you not get yours? Noreen took an overdose. 416 00:35:56,240 --> 00:36:01,280 Maybe I should too. That's the third breakfast I've missed this week! 417 00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:07,280 What kind of people have you got involved with? 418 00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:12,320 A woman tries to kill herself and they don't bat an eyelid. Hey! 419 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:16,520 Fud was right. The novelty's obviously worn off. 420 00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:21,400 They probably weren't so sanguine the first time she tried it. 421 00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:29,040 Aw, you're changed out of your pyjamas. I was going to suggest going upstairs for a snooze. 422 00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:32,240 Go upstairs. Nobody's stopping you. 423 00:36:32,240 --> 00:36:35,240 Tell me something, Kettles. What? 424 00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:39,880 This...initiative test I've got to pass... Yes? 425 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:42,360 So you admit there is one? 426 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:47,080 What's so wonderful about getting into bed together? 427 00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:52,320 It might not be wonderful for you, but it would do me a power of good. 428 00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:56,920 I thought everything was going to be all right. 429 00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:04,400 Apart from guys running amok, me having to get into drag, wives taking overdoses, 430 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:11,400 and not getting my breakfast, everything IS all right. What do you mean by "all right"? 431 00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:15,400 Chucking your job to come on the road... 432 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:21,800 I foolishly thought you wanted us to...get to know each other better. 433 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:27,720 It's difficult to imagine somebody with your dress sense being coy, 434 00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:30,280 but you just about managed it. 435 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:37,360 I HAVE got to know you better, a lot better, without getting in the sack with you, 436 00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:42,040 which is why this is the last stop on my itinerary. 437 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:45,040 First thing tomorrow, I'm off. 438 00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:50,600 Can we not talk about this? 439 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:52,200 Eh? 440 00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:54,880 Look, don't go, please! 441 00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:58,360 Look, I love you, Kettles. 442 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:02,000 You what? 443 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,000 I love you, Kettles. 444 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:09,800 Say that again. 445 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,600 I love YOU. 446 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:20,840 No, even at a third hearing, it's still got a distinctly bogus ring to it, Danny. 447 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:26,080 You mean, you lust after me. No, that's OK. I can understand. 448 00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:32,000 You're single and away from home, and you've just had two smokies. 449 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,920 Can we talk later? I'm going for toothpaste. 450 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:40,600 A guy says he loves you, and you go out for toothpaste! 451 00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:47,920 That says it all. It gives me some idea of where I rate in your list of priorities. We need toothpaste. 452 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:52,240 That'll be the Royal "we". Have you got some? 453 00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:56,400 No, I don't! I'm going to get us some. Bye. 454 00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,880 Come back here, dammit! 455 00:39:03,240 --> 00:39:05,840 What is it? 456 00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:10,640 Don't get the stripey stuff. It stings my gums. 457 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:15,080 What kinda drip? I don't know. Did you ask the quack? 458 00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:22,120 I never knew she was on a drip, so how could I ask? What DID you ask? 459 00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:26,520 You do not ask a priest what goes on at confession. 460 00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:31,640 So you confessed? Admitted it was all your fault? No, I never. 461 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:36,880 I meant, you do not enquire into other people's private affairs. 462 00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:39,440 Private affairs?! 463 00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:42,240 That's good, Vincent. Very APT. 464 00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:46,800 She's lying with tubes coming out all over the place. 465 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:54,360 And that's my fault? How is it my fault? I never shoved the pills down her throat. No? 466 00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:25,400 Tell me when you want another breadfruit sandwich, Mr Christian. 467 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:10,560 What the...? 468 00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:13,640 BOO! AH! Surprise! 469 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:21,240 Glenna...what in God's name are you doing here? I thought you were still in hospital. 470 00:42:21,240 --> 00:42:24,000 I got fed up in the hospital. 471 00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,360 Nobody came to see me. 472 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:32,720 Oh, Vincent! 473 00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:45,120 How did you get in here? I told Reception I was your daughter. 474 00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:50,000 You told them what?! That I was your daughter! 475 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:54,400 They didnae believe you, did they? I'm here! 476 00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,640 Daddy... 477 00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:05,320 Did Reception tell you that "Mummy" took a bottle of sleeping tablets? 478 00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:16,000 So you DID keep your promise. 479 00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:18,600 I'm glad. 480 00:43:21,720 --> 00:43:24,360 What's that on the bed? 481 00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,040 I KNEW you'd like it. 482 00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:31,240 What is it, but? Here...try it on. 483 00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:44,280 I used up all the wool I was saving. 484 00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:47,520 It's not for me? Is it? 485 00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:50,080 Aw, Glenna! 486 00:43:56,440 --> 00:44:01,240 If you cannae do up the toggles, I'll put in poppers. 487 00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:07,520 I knew it! It brings out the colour of your eyes. Oh, Vincent...Vincent. 488 00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:21,840 ↑ The big loon's holding his own, eh? 489 00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:25,880 He's no' talking to us, is he? 490 00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:28,520 Has he had a face-lift? 491 00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:31,480 Must be some quaint local custom. 492 00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:38,840 I don't know if I'd have recognised ony o' you, but I'd have kent the big loon onywhere. 493 00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:45,840 Oh...it's no' the same fellow that was here before. It's his wee brother. 494 00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:50,360 You're thinking of Big Jazza. This is Danny Boy. 495 00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:54,480 Oh, aye? No, no' him. The big fella. 496 00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:58,520 Give us another Courvoisier and a Coke. 497 00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:02,240 All this intermarriage... £2.95. 498 00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:09,280 Oh...er...fine. How much did you say it was, Jim? < Call it three quid. 499 00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:12,840 I was going to buy you one, but forget it! 500 00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:17,600 I hope this helps YOU because I feel very off-colour. 501 00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:23,280 Talking about off-colour, look what's just strolled in. Where? 502 00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:31,960 You guys OK? Bacardi and Babycham, pal. Something up wi' you, Dennis? 503 00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:34,600 It's very gassy Coke, that's all. 504 00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:37,200 Dig the outfit, Vinnie. 505 00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:42,240 Havenae seen you in that before. New, is it? It's a present. 506 00:45:42,240 --> 00:45:49,920 Didnae know you were pally with Dolly Parton. That'll be one of her cast-offs, eh? It's from the bird. 507 00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:52,560 Over here, doll. Eh? 508 00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:57,680 Sorry, Vincent. I couldn't find my blusher. Hi... 509 00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:03,320 < And what's for the young lady? That is. 510 00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:10,800 I'm having a pint. One pint of Bacardi and Babycham... A pint of heavy! 511 00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:13,520 Grab these and sit over there. 512 00:46:16,040 --> 00:46:18,880 Och, Vincent! Stop staring at us. 513 00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,520 Are they for keeping the flies off? 514 00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:25,880 What? Them toggle efforts. Vincent...! > 515 00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:30,840 What is it? Gonna get us a packet of them shrimpy things? 516 00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:36,240 You haven't worn as weel as the big loon, either. That'll be £3.52. 517 00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:39,480 Prawn somethings. I hear you! 518 00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:44,600 What did he say? I think he's one of your fans from '64. 519 00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:55,600 Where do you think you're going? He's got it on! What? Eddie... 520 00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:58,400 What are you doing here? 521 00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:01,040 Hi, Janice. What's up? > 522 00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:06,240 What's everyone having? This round's on me. Miss Toner? 523 00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:09,920 Dennis? 524 00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:11,960 Bomba? 525 00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:18,680 I didn't think you'd suit that, but d'you know...? 526 00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:23,280 It could maybe do with a wee tuck in the sleeve, 527 00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:26,760 otherwise... Have they got them? 528 00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:28,000 Hello. 529 00:47:29,240 --> 00:47:32,720 Daddy! Aw, naw... 530 00:47:32,720 --> 00:47:35,320 < So you couldn't remember her? 531 00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:38,080 Well, maybe this'll help. 532 00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:41,600 What is this? 533 00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:51,720 Try running round the deck a few times. That might help. 534 00:47:51,720 --> 00:47:56,760 I'm not seasick, I'm lovesick. Say you're not going away tomorrow. 535 00:47:56,760 --> 00:48:01,000 Sorry. I thought you were having a good time. 536 00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:08,520 The Majestics are having a good time. I'm having a lousy time. It didn't sink in till today. 537 00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:13,080 Don't you dare be sick over my good shoes. 538 00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:15,680 It's your rowing that's doing it. 539 00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:18,720 You row, then. How can I? 540 00:48:18,720 --> 00:48:23,800 I'm feeling seasick! The entire fishing fleet's looking at us! 541 00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:31,280 You think I'm throwing up into the Pentland Firth for laughs? I'd believe anything. Stop it! 542 00:48:32,600 --> 00:48:35,160 See, when I get you home...! 543 00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:39,600 Oh! Now look what you've done! 544 00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:50,920 SIREN > 545 00:49:01,720 --> 00:49:08,120 ↑ You might have came and woke us up. That's twice I've missed everything. 546 00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:11,000 SIREN 547 00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:28,280 DENNIS: Did you see the size of the knife? 548 00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:34,600 It was this length! You should have woke us up! My legs went from under us. 549 00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:41,640 I should've gone in the ambulance. No, covering him up with your good coat was enough. 550 00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:48,320 You should have seen the blood! The barman had to use a squeezee mop! 551 00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:53,000 We'll no' have to come back for the court case, will we? 552 00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:58,040 I don't think so. Obviously needs psychiatric help, the lassie. 553 00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:02,480 Takes after her father. Dennis! She IS his daughter, then? 554 00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:07,040 That's the doctor put the girlfriend under sedation. 555 00:50:07,040 --> 00:50:12,160 You could see it was Vincent's lassie. Same sleekit look about her. 556 00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:17,160 How many other chicks d'you suppose he gave one of these to? 557 00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:20,040 "I'll never get over you, Bomba." 558 00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:25,120 I could go up to that hospital and stick a knife in him myself! 559 00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:32,680 He had some done with "All my love, Eddie" on them. I took it that was meant to be Eddie Cochran. 560 00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:35,320 I'm not sure about that, now. 561 00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:40,560 Still, that isn't the problem. 562 00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:43,480 The problem is, do we cancel or... 563 00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:47,720 Or what? I don't see we've got any choice. 564 00:50:47,720 --> 00:50:52,760 ..Or do we go for a stand-in for tonight's show? Oh, no you don't! 565 00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:55,480 Look at it this way... No! 566 00:50:55,480 --> 00:51:01,400 Once the news is out, this hotel's going to be invaded. No, I said! 567 00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:05,880 In fact, we could put it on the posters... 568 00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:10,320 Get on to that, Dennis, son. Take Fud with you. 569 00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:17,360 Trust me, Bomba. I know what people are like. They can be very crass. 570 00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:24,880 No chicks, Eddie. When I gave in to having that big eejit McGlone in the band, that was the deal! 571 00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:31,000 What was the number of that local wireless station? Miss Toner...? 572 00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,480 Vincent! 573 00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:57,520 RADIO: The finger of suspicion-n-n... 574 00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:02,920 Points...at...YOU. 575 00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:10,240 'The late Dickie Valentine there. While you were listening to that, we were in receipt of...' 576 00:52:10,240 --> 00:52:13,000 a telephone call! 'HURRAY!' 577 00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:17,680 And that telephone call was from none other than... FANFARE 578 00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:23,120 Eddie Clockerty, the driving force behind the great Majestics Showband, 579 00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:28,520 'two of whose number were my guests on "Lachie's Phone-In" this morning. 580 00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:33,040 'He's just been giving Radio Buckie, a world exclusive!' 581 00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:37,560 He's not giving away another thousand free tickets! Shh! 582 00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:42,640 '..the stabbing at the Majestics' hotel right here in Buckie.' 583 00:52:42,640 --> 00:52:46,040 What?! 'Details in our "News Round-up".' 584 00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:48,760 To take us up to the witching hour... 585 00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:53,720 Gie that man a bag of Merrols... a great wee tune, "Mac the Knife". 586 00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:04,400 Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear, 587 00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:10,080 And it sure is pearly white. 588 00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:15,880 Just a jack-knife Has old MacHeath, babe, 589 00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:21,520 And he keeps it Out of sight... 590 00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:27,680 MR CLOCKERTY: I know it's a nightmare. You don't have to tell me. 591 00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:30,280 Those arenae sprouts, are they? 592 00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:34,840 A huge knife whizzed past my face and plunged into Vincent. 593 00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:40,320 You'll have to pay her for this gig. I'm NOT doing it. She'll get paid. 594 00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:42,960 I don't want paid. Aye, she does. 595 00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:48,440 Don't say things like that to him. Your coat isnae real camel hair. 596 00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:56,720 I'm not doing it. You are. I thought you were under sedation. I'm not. You are. 597 00:53:56,720 --> 00:54:04,160 Did you tell them you were here on your second honeymoon? Those arenae sprouts, are they? 598 00:54:06,760 --> 00:54:09,480 Now, will you believe me? 599 00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:14,600 They ARE sprouts. 600 00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:27,880 Gonna shut the door? It's freezin'. Has it started, yet? 601 00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:30,520 Any second now. 602 00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:37,720 Look what TV did for Nixon. You, at least, were shaved. For all the good it'll do me. 603 00:54:37,720 --> 00:54:43,040 CHANNEL 4 IDENT. Dammit! 604 00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:50,560 '..our published programme, "Rockin' Through the Rye" may be shown at a later date.' What?! 605 00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:57,840 'It's time to join those likeable loons, Jim and Dick in "The Beechgrove Garden".' 606 00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:00,280 A reprieve. 607 00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:10,920 Och, that's lousy. I was looking forward to you making a right pig's ear of it, Mr Clockerty. 608 00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:13,600 That is really lousy. 609 00:55:21,280 --> 00:55:25,240 INTRO TO "LOVE IS STRANGE" 610 00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:31,960 Love is... 611 00:55:31,960 --> 00:55:36,040 Love is strange. Yeah-eah-eah. 612 00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:42,760 Lots of people Take it for a game... 613 00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:03,640 Love is strange. 614 00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:08,160 Love is stra-a-ange. 615 00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:20,040 Hey, Danny. Yes, Fud? 616 00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:25,920 How do you call your baby home? If I wanted her back real bad, 617 00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:28,640 I'd call her something like this... 618 00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:30,800 Ba-by... 619 00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:34,280 My sweet ba-by... 620 00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:38,960 My sweet ba-a-aby... 621 00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:42,240 Plea-ease come on ho-o-o-me. 622 00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:46,080 Yeah, I guess that ought to do it. 623 00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:52,760 I'm still going home tomorrow, as long as you realise that. Yes. 624 00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:57,720 People...don't understand. 625 00:56:57,720 --> 00:57:00,080 No-o-o. 626 00:57:00,080 --> 00:57:07,360 They think love is... Money in the hand. 627 00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:13,960 Your sweet loving... Is better than a kiss. 628 00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:16,040 Yea-eah. 629 00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:22,560 The way that you love me, Sweet kisses I miss. 630 00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:28,040 Love is stra-a-ange. 631 00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:33,320 Love is stra-a-a-ange. 632 00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:58,560 Love is stra-a-a-a-ange. 633 00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:09,320 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! 634 00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:14,320 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! 635 00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:19,880 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! Awop boppa-loo-bop, AH-OO! 636 00:58:34,120 --> 00:58:39,640 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! 637 00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:44,800 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! 638 00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:50,280 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! Awop boppa-loo-bop, awop bam boom! 639 00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:54,920 I've got a girl named Sue, She knows just what to do! 640 00:58:54,920 --> 00:59:00,160 I've got a girl named Sue, She knows just what to do! 641 00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:03,120 She rocks to the east, She rocks to the west, 642 00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:06,240 But she's the girl that I love best! 643 00:59:06,240 --> 00:59:10,880 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! 644 00:59:10,880 --> 00:59:16,720 Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy! 645 00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:20,880 Awop boppa-loo-bop awop bam boom! 646 00:59:20,930 --> 00:59:25,480 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 55685

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