Original subtitles

We robbed our boss, Al. I know you took the money!

We only took 50 grand. The Fairhaven account is missing �500,000.

How could you lie about this? I did it for us!

How could you lie about this? I did it for us!

I can clean the money... He's your uncle! Asian uncle!

You gave all our money to a complete stranger?

You gave all our money to a complete stranger?

I've kept all records of our dodgy dealings on just one laptop - yours!

The accounts on your husband's laptop are now central to our case.

The accounts on your husband's laptop are now central to our case.

We have no option but to report him to the police.

This time tomorrow we could be pregnant!

If you watch the screen, all done.

If you watch the screen, all done.

Deacon Mendez. I am arresting you for the obstruction of justice.

Allison!

(DEEP SIGH)

No comment.

No comment. I've got no comment, so...

I don't think you can arrest someone for not having a laptop!

I don't think you can arrest someone for not having a laptop!

I need to speak to my fucking lawyer!

I can't share this toilet! I'll tell you about the money, OK?

I'll even tell you about stuff I've heard about!

I'll even tell you about stuff I've heard about!

You can't expect somebody to shit in there!

(WAILS)

Please, help me!

I'll tell you about the money!

I'll tell you about the money!

(SCREAMS)

(DOOR OPENS) Calm down.

You're free to go. Your wife brought in the laptop.

You're free to go. Your wife brought in the laptop.

(CALMLY) Oh. OK. What were you shouting about?

Um... Nothing.

(THEME MUSIC)

Hey!

Hey!

Allison! (SOBS) OK.Thank God!

I just need you to sign to say you've handed this over.

What's that? It's your laptop, dummy.

Oh, so stressed, you probably don't recognise it.

Oh, yes. Yeah.

Yeah, No. Yes, I am stressed.

Yeah, No. Yes, I am stressed.

Thank you for my work laptop, thank you.

I'm obliged to ask.

Do you actually feel safe and fine to go home?

Do you actually feel safe and fine to go home?

Yeah. I feel perfectly safe.

It's just, you were making some frightening noises in your cell.

Well, that is just how I respond to pressure,

Well, that is just how I respond to pressure,

just any kind of scary or surprising scenarios and stuff like that.

If I'm watching a horror film, even, just, "Agh!"

If I'm watching a horror film, even, just, "Agh!"

It's just like it's really full on.

Actually, I got asked to go home from kids' birthday parties because of - That's enough.

I'll just sign for this, thank you... He was a bed wetter.

I'll just sign for this, thank you... He was a bed wetter.

'How did you even think of a fake laptop?

The question is, how did you and Alfie NOT come up with the idea of a fake laptop?

The question is, how did you and Alfie NOT come up with the idea of a fake laptop?

And how have you been while I've been away? I've been fine.

No, do you know, I'm not fine.

Really? Why not? Apart from the, you know, prison rescue.

Really? Why not? Apart from the, you know, prison rescue.

Aren't you worried that maybe this is our life now?

Trying to bring up a child while dodging police and Alfie

and you know it's only a matter of time

and you know it's only a matter of time

before they realise that laptop isn't yours.

Well look, this is a bump. We get past this,

we start our normal life, all right?

We start our normal life, all right?

Since we took the money, we haven't had a normal DAY.

Well, why don't we make this our first one, all right?

I'll drop you off, I'll go and get some nice food

and we'll have a lovely evening and you'll feel reassured. All right?

And we'll have a lovely evening and you'll feel reassured. All right?

OK. Just so you know, it won't lead to anything,

cos my boobs are super tender.

Oh, well, don't worry. Mine are too.

Oh, well, don't worry. Mine are too.

See you in a bit.

OK, Es, what the hell is this? Relax, just some corporates for Jed.

They promoted him and they're giving him loads of work

They promoted him and they're giving him loads of work

and he asked if I could store some of it.

What did he get promoted to? Criminal henchman two?

Why are you drinking so much water?

Because I have set an alarm for when I can take my first pregnancy test

Because I have set an alarm for when I can take my first pregnancy test

and I don't wanna be out of ammo.

You have to hose the pregnancy test down?

Maybe I'm stress hydrating. Is that a thing?

What have you gotta be stressed about? You're living a perfect life.

What have you gotta be stressed about? You're living a perfect life.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, you've got your perfect straight-laced husband,

and then you're gonna have your perfect baby

and then you're gonna have your perfect baby

and then you're gonna be all set up and you can carry on judging

my choices and feel better than me.

That's not what I'm doing and if it makes you feel any better,

I'm struggling with a lot of my life choices at the minute too.

I'm struggling with a lot of my life choices at the minute too.

Are you?

Maybe. I don't know.

Let me know where you end up on that

so I know whether or not I'm welcome here.

So I know whether or not I'm welcome here.

Es, it's not like that. Well let me ask you this.

Do you think there is room in this house for me AND a baby?

Maybe if we get rid of some of these boxes.

Maybe if we get rid of some of these boxes.

(MUMBLES)

Mr Bauer, your company is run like a sixth-form tuck shop.

Your accounts are a total mess,

there are several highly suspicious transactions.

We believe money is being filtered illegally.

We believe money is being filtered illegally.

Oh, fuck off, Poirot. You've got nothing.

Show me one dodgy account. The Clyde Fund. Bardwick Centre.

Show me one dodgy account. The Clyde Fund. Bardwick Centre.

Fairhaven Account. Clarence Estates. Did you say Fairhaven?

Yes, we're still trying to locate that one.

A large part of the fund has been transferred to a crypto wallet.

You should be hearing from us soon, as your colleague has handed in his laptop.

You should be hearing from us soon, as your colleague has handed in his laptop.

So now, we have everything we need. Goodbye.

Piss off.

Piss off.

(SIGHS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

So, you've just got to relax,

stay calm during this bit, OK?

Let me look after you and you can look after the embryos.

Let me look after you and you can look after the embryos.

Are you sure you're gonna be cool at work today?

Yeah. Do you know what, I actually think I will.

I feel sort of different since I went inside.

I feel sort of different since I went inside.

Deacon, you spent one night in a room

marginally less comfortable than a Travelodge.

Yeah, OK, fine, but it did toughen me up a bit.

Well, I'm happy for you. Shall we go?

Well, I'm happy for you. Shall we go?

And you can tell me what it must have been like for Mandela.

I definitely had too much coffee. My heart feels mad.

I definitely had too much coffee. My heart feels mad.

Deacon, what the fuck? OK, I know I said that we had to remain calm

and I was gonna look after you, but do not leave me alone with him!

And I was gonna look after you, but do not leave me alone with him!

I thought you'd toughened up? Not that much. Please?

OK.Thank you. Deacon? I wanna speak to you on my own right now.

He can't. Why?

He can't. Why?

Well, because I have a women's issue.

I feel I need my husband's second opinion on it.

What?

Well, it's embarrassing if I spell it out in front of everyone.

Well, it's embarrassing if I spell it out in front of everyone.

Well, what is it? What is it?

It's a vaginal discharge,

It's a vaginal discharge,

consistency that I am unfamiliar with at this point in my cycle.

I would expect in my luteal phase to have like a milky,

low flow, but it's an egg white - Enough shared info. Talk to Tina.

Low flow, but it's an egg white - Enough shared info. Talk to Tina.

(MOUTHS) Sorry.

So, how would you like me to kill you? Um, sorry?

So, how would you like me to kill you? Um, sorry?

You gave them the laptop, you penis colada. Now we are fucked.

You gave them the laptop, you penis colada. Now we are fucked.

OK. The laptop's not a problem, OK? I gave them a dummy.

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

(LAUGHS) You might actually have a brain.(SIGHS)

How did you come up with that one? Well, to be honest with you,

How did you come up with that one? Well, to be honest with you,

it felt like a pretty obvious move.

Look, I've got stuff to be getting back on with, so..

You're not going anywhere.

You see...

I... have been robbed.

What? The Fairhaven account is missing half a million quid.

What? The Fairhaven account is missing half a million quid.

Holy shit. It's just gone. Vanished.

Holy shit. It's just gone. Vanished.

But I'm gonna find out who took it, so help me God.

Only a small amount of people could have pulled this off,

Only a small amount of people could have pulled this off,

and once I have whittled down the suspects

and discovered who it is,

I'm gonna take them to the rooftop, I'm gonna dangle them over the edge,

I'm gonna take them to the rooftop, I'm gonna dangle them over the edge,

I'm gonna get them to explain to me how they did it and then...

I'm gonna fucking drop 'em off and - Can I go to the toilet, please?

What? I=I need to go to the toilet.

After what I've just told you, you want to go to the toilet?

After what I've just told you, you want to go to the toilet?

I've got IBS and I had potatoes last night

and they're sitting a bit funny and I don't feel good.

You're not going anywhere until we find out who had access to that account.

You're not going anywhere until we find out who had access to that account.

Look, I'll shit myself! What's become of you lately?

Look, go and have your shit, right?

Look, go and have your shit, right?

But be quick, I want you back here A-S-fucking-A-P.

Yeah. I won't even wipe. You better not!

What the fuck are we going to do? Calm down. It's actually good news.

What the fuck are we going to do? Calm down. It's actually good news.

Um, how is this good news?

Well, if he knows the money is gone and he's told you,

then obviously he doesn't think there's any chance it WAS you,

then obviously he doesn't think there's any chance it WAS you,

and that's good. But he wants me to help investigate it.

I absolutely do not have the acting jobs for that.

Deacon, you can do this. Really?

Deacon, you can do this. Really?

I was just deeply unconvincing I needed to go for a shit.

This would definitely have been less of an issue if it was 50 grand.

He might not have even cared. Sorry, do you want me to cry?

He might not have even cared. Sorry, do you want me to cry?

Is that what you want? Are you thinking, "You know what?

I'm gonna say the worst thing I can possibly think of,

I'm gonna say the worst thing I can possibly think of,

he's gonna cry and then I'll feel amazing"?

OK, OK. I have a plan.

I'm gonna go with you, talk to Alfie, get him to let you go.

I'm gonna go with you, talk to Alfie, get him to let you go.

Then we go to Kethan and we get the rest of our money

so we're ready to leave if we have to.

All right? There's no need to cry.

(SOBS) You've given up on us having a normal life!

(SOBS) You've given up on us having a normal life!

No. No, I haven't.

It's just we gotta get through this first, OK? OK.

But I am sorry what I said about crying.

It's a perfectly normal human reaction. Men can cry.

It's a perfectly normal human reaction. Men can cry.

Just not now, please, because time is against us, so lock it up.

Just not now, please, because time is against us, so lock it up.

Yeah, sure, OK. What exactly are you gonna tell Alfie?

I think I knew who took the money.

Really? Yes. I'm almost certain it was Sally.

Really? Yes. I'm almost certain it was Sally.

She was always talking to her team about how much she resented you,

about how you didn't deserve to be where you are,

about how you didn't deserve to be where you are,

that it should be her, and then toward the end of her time here,

she would talk about finally finding a way to get what she deserved.

She would talk about finally finding a way to get what she deserved.

Fucking hell. I can't believe it. No.

I always thought she fancied me! That might have been part of it.

It would drive any woman mad knowing she couldn't have you.

It would drive any woman mad knowing she couldn't have you.

That horny bitch. Right, well, we've got to find her.

(GASPS) Deacon, maybe you could go through her computer,

(GASPS) Deacon, maybe you could go through her computer,

look for some clues or something? Oh yeah, definitely, yeah, I could go into her computer.

I'll get the log in from someone and log in

I'll get the log in from someone and log in

and then look around her computer and go into her -

You OK? Have you shit your brains out or something?

No. Sorry. Sorry.

No. Sorry. Sorry.

I want no stone left unturned. Yeah? We're gonna find her

and then I am gonna make her pay.

I don't mean sexually.

I don't mean sexually.

OK, so we go in, we beg Kethan to give us all our money back

and he'll say no and then we threaten to grass him up

and he'll buckle or turn us into tikka masala.

Whoa, whoa. Listen.

Whoa, whoa. Listen.

I know I give you shit about not being good at this sort of stuff,

but I really do think you can do this.

Right? Come on. Yeah, OK. Yeah, OK.Whoo! Come on.

Right? Come on. Yeah, OK. Yeah, OK.Whoo! Come on.

Yeah, project normal life, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, OK.

What is the problem, exactly,

that is so urgent that I had to stop everything I am doing to hear it?

That is so urgent that I had to stop everything I am doing to hear it?

Well, as you know, we have this arrangement where you pay us

our money in instalments, or not, depending on if you feel like it.

Our money in instalments, or not, depending on if you feel like it.

Don't be rude. No, I was just trying to summarise the situation,

but basically we need all of our money.

OK, but that was always true, wasn't it?

OK, but that was always true, wasn't it?

Why should I give a shit now? We're actually quite desperate.

Listen, I ain't got time for this one-line trickle=trickle information bullshit, yeah?

Just tell me the whole story. I wanna help.

Just tell me the whole story. I wanna help.

OK, well, we think that it's only a matter of time

before Alfie finds out what we've done

and we kinda don't wanna be around when he does.

And we kinda don't wanna be around when he does.

So we need to get the money so we can leave the country and start somewhere else.

(SNIFFS) OK, so what is clear is that you are in a lot of trouble.

(SNIFFS) OK, so what is clear is that you are in a lot of trouble.

Hm? And you've been honest and up front in telling ME that.Yeah.

Hm? And you've been honest and up front in telling ME that.Yeah.

(CHORTLES)

(BOTH LAUGH)

I've been messing you guys about.

I've been messing you guys about.

It's actually incredibly easy for me to give you the full amount.

Really? Of course. Look. (LAUGHS) I've got your money.

I can easily give it all to you right now.

I can easily give it all to you right now.

That is amazing. Hold on, no. I haven't finished.

I've actually decided I ain't gonna give you anything.

I've actually decided I ain't gonna give you anything.

I'm sorry? No need to apologise.

You see, the way I see it, either the police or Alfie

are gonna come and get you, and that's not to mention the fact

are gonna come and get you, and that's not to mention the fact

you told me you murdered that horny woman and her boyfriend.

Either way, I don't care.

Either way, I don't care.

What that means is, I don't have to give you... anything.

What that means is, I don't have to give you... anything.

But Uncle... (LAUGHS)

Don't uncle me, dickhead. I'm not your uncle.

I wouldn't wanna BE your uncle.

I wouldn't wanna BE your uncle.

Why did you tell me the truth, dickhead? Haven't you seen Ozark?

You should have told me there was a business opportunity

for me to invest in or something.

For me to invest in or something.

You're a dickhead. But we're in real trouble.

Allison might be pregnant,

we're worried we're gonna go to prison.

We're just asking for our money back! No, you're not.

We're just asking for our money back! No, you're not.

You're asking me for my money that I took from you.

I'm getting quite frustrated at how stupid you're being.

I'm getting quite frustrated at how stupid you're being.

Listen. You got involved in something you had no business doing.

The only person I actually feel sorry for in all of this is you, Allison,

The only person I actually feel sorry for in all of this is you, Allison,

getting your life entangled with this useless piece of shit.

Now, fuck off.

(LAUGHS AND GIGGLES)

(CHUCKLES)

(WAILS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

I HAVE seen Ozark, you prick! Allison, fill up the bag!

What is your exit strategy here? Huh?

You're gonna have to kill me to get away with this. (WAILS)

You're gonna have to kill me to get away with this. (WAILS)

As if I'd ever let you near my mother, you fucking pervert!

(CRIES)I'm gonna stick this in your fucking dick.

(CRIES)I'm gonna stick this in your fucking dick.

I'm gonna let go of this knife and then we're gonna run like hell.

OK? One, two, three.

OK? One, two, three.

(GRUNTS IN AGONY) Fuck you!

You should have killed me!

You should have killed me!

Oh my god, that was unbelievable. What the...

There is so much money in here. There's way more than 500 grand.

There is so much money in here. There's way more than 500 grand.

I feel like I've got a lot of oxygen in me and I don't like it.

Deacon, I knew you could do it, but what happened to the blackmail plan?

I just knew we needed the money, he said he was gonna give us nothing

I just knew we needed the money, he said he was gonna give us nothing

and then I remembered when you picked up that letter opener at Alfie's

and I thought, "Oh God, that was so sweet you were willing to do that."

and I thought, "Oh God, that was so sweet you were willing to do that."

And I thought, "I wish I could do that for us."

Then I saw the knife and I thought "Why don't I stick it in his hand?"

Yeah, well he's gonna be furious, so we have to leave today. Today?

Yes! I thought we were gonna plan?

Yes! I thought we were gonna plan?

Oh, Deacon, you turned his hand into a kebab.

We need to go. If he catches us, he's gonna torture us.

We go home, pack our shit and then get the hell outta here.

We go home, pack our shit and then get the hell outta here.

OK, OK. But we are gonna have that normal life, Allison. Oh fuck.

What? You don't want a normal life?

No, I've left my fucking injections in the fucking office. Shit.

No, I've left my fucking injections in the fucking office. Shit.

It's fine, it's fine, OK? We're gonna whizz home, you're gonna run in,

drop the money off, so it's not on us,

then we're gonna go into work and pick up the injections

then we're gonna go into work and pick up the injections

all casual, hopefully everyone will have left,

and then we're gonna start our normal life.

Fine, but can we make a rule that in our normal life

we do not keep saying the words "normal life"?

Yeah, absolutely. It's starting to annoy ME as well.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

Oh. What's going on?

Oh, I just needed to grab a lipstick.

You came home to get a lipstick? Yeah.

You came home to get a lipstick? Yeah.

I've got a meeting and I thought it was important to look presentable.

You're acting super weird. No, I'm not. I've just gotta get back to work.

You're acting super weird. No, I'm not. I've just gotta get back to work.

You acted like this before. I don't have time.

You said that then too. Jesus, leave it, Es.

Sorry, I just have to go sort this thing at work quickly

Sorry, I just have to go sort this thing at work quickly

and then I will come back here and we can have a proper chat.

OK? I promise. I'm here for you.

I'm right here. OK.

I'm right here. OK.

Do you know where they are? Yeah, in here.

So, how are you two? Any joy with Sally?

So, how are you two? Any joy with Sally?

No, not yet, we were just about to go into the emails and have a look.

Can I have a quick chat with you both?

Can I have a quick chat with you both?

Yeah, sure. What's it about?

I think I've found proof that Sally took the money.

Really? What is it? Come in my office, I'll show you.

Really? What is it? Come in my office, I'll show you.

Make yourselves comfortable.

Oi, what are you doing? Alfie, what the fuck?

I know you took that money! What? No we didn't!

Sally didn't take it, and you know she didn't.

I came looking for you two and I couldn't find you.

I came looking for you two and I couldn't find you.

So I spoke to the girls about what Sally had been saying about me.

Now, apart from an issue with my personal hygiene,

Now, apart from an issue with my personal hygiene,

they didn't know what I was talking about.

So I thought "Who has got the experience and the access to pull this off?"

So I followed the electronic trail and it led me to you two!

So I followed the electronic trail and it led me to you two!

Well, I'm sorry, Alfie, you gave us no choice.

Well, I'm sorry, Alfie, you gave us no choice.

I fucking knew it! I didn't even have any evidence.

Do you think I'd follow an electronic trail? You twat!

Deacon, what the fuck? OK, that was bad.

Deacon, what the fuck? OK, that was bad.

I want my money back NOW! Why don't you just fuck off, Alfie?

I beg your fucking pardon?

Has it ever occurred to you that the reason we took the money

Has it ever occurred to you that the reason we took the money

is cos you never paid us the bonus you were supposed to,

despite having shit tons of money?

It's no excuse for ripping off 500K from your friend.

It's no excuse for ripping off 500K from your friend.

You're not a friend, you bell end!

You're some twat that I had to be nice to make working for you

slightly less hellish than it normally is.

We took money that you owed us already, plus a little bit more

because I was caught up in the moment and there was money

and I was thinking... It was spur of the moment.

I'm bored of this. Do you see what this is?

I'm bored of this. Do you see what this is?

This contains a back-up of all the dodgy accounts from your laptop.

There's enough on here to put you away

There's enough on here to put you away

and end this investigation.

Wo why don't both of you make yourselves comfortable

Wo why don't both of you make yourselves comfortable

and I'll be back with the police? It's false.

You're a piece of shit, Alfie. Yeah.

You're a piece of shit, Alfie. Yeah.

This is a fucking nightmare!

Why did you admit it? Everyone knows you never admit it.

Why did you admit it? Everyone knows you never admit it.

It's the Shaggy principle. Can we focus on the moment when I was a legend

and stood up to Kethan and got us a load of money?

Money that's on top of our wardrobe while we're trapped in here

because you can't grasp the basic concept

because you can't grasp the basic concept

of plausible deniability. (PING)

What's that? It's time to take a pregnancy test.

(PING) Oh. What a fairytale.

(PING) Oh. What a fairytale.

I can't imagine a more perfect setting

than while imprisoned by the man you robbed for $500,000.

Than while imprisoned by the man you robbed for $500,000.

I'm sorry, what are you doing? I'm taking a pregnancy test.

Well, can't you just wait?

No. The alarm goes off, I take a test. Well, how?

No. The alarm goes off, I take a test. Well, how?

I'm going to piss on Alfie's chair.

OK, I actually fully support that, but I also do not want to watch it.

OK, I actually fully support that, but I also do not want to watch it.

(SIGHS) (PEES)

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, too.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, too.

This can't be how you imagined things would go.

Well, no, but, you know, once we get past this, you know,

things will get easier and we should be all right.

How many times are we gonna say that?

We couldn't even manage two days of normality.

We couldn't even manage two days of normality.

This was supposed to be us setting up a nice life,

but instead we set up a life on the run.

What... What are you saying?

I don't know. I'm just saying what I'm saying.

I don't know. I'm just saying what I'm saying.

(SIGHS)

What's it say?

Not pregnant.

I'm gonna be absolutely honest. I think I'm kind of relieved.

What are you doing?

Well, Kethan is gonna looking for us, so Esme is in danger.

We have to get the money before he does

and we have to get out of here before the police come for us,

so... Ooh.

(ALARM WAILS) Holy shit!

(ALARM WAILS) Holy shit!

I'm afraid Allison and Deacon are at work. Can I help?

I've come for my million pounds.

I've come for my million pounds.

(PUNK GUITAR MUSIC)

AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk

AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0