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1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,920
This programme contains very
strong language from the outset
2
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,960
and throughout.
3
00:00:26,222 --> 00:00:28,502
You definitely did it? No.
4
00:00:28,542 --> 00:00:30,421
I left without making a
transaction. I'll rely on prayer.
5
00:00:30,422 --> 00:00:30,742
I left without making a
transaction. I'll rely on prayer.
6
00:00:30,782 --> 00:00:33,182
Of course I did it.
Everything OK your end?
7
00:00:33,222 --> 00:00:34,822
Yeah. Sally fell for it.
8
00:00:34,862 --> 00:00:37,622
I said triple-booking the
meeting room would work.
9
00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:38,422
It was mayhem in there.
(OVERLAPPING VOICES)
10
00:00:38,423 --> 00:00:39,678
It was mayhem in there.
(OVERLAPPING VOICES)
11
00:00:39,702 --> 00:00:44,662
It's ridiculous. I don't know
how it happened. It's a mess.
12
00:00:44,702 --> 00:00:46,421
And no-one saw you
at the Internet cafe?
13
00:00:46,422 --> 00:00:46,982
And no-one saw you
at the Internet cafe?
14
00:00:47,022 --> 00:00:49,422
No, I was careful.
15
00:00:56,742 --> 00:00:58,862
Alfie's asking for
you. He's losing it.
16
00:00:58,902 --> 00:01:02,022
I'm head of accounts. It isn't
my job to sort this shit out.
17
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:02,422
The whole office is in there.
It's really kicking off. Shit!
18
00:01:02,423 --> 00:01:05,542
The whole office is in there.
It's really kicking off. Shit!
19
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:09,502
Sorry, Sally.
20
00:01:13,422 --> 00:01:16,062
508906.
21
00:01:16,102 --> 00:01:18,102
906.
22
00:01:25,822 --> 00:01:26,422
50,000.
23
00:01:26,423 --> 00:01:28,142
50,000.
24
00:01:32,542 --> 00:01:34,421
Oh, get it out. I want to
see what 50 grand looks like.
25
00:01:34,422 --> 00:01:36,582
Oh, get it out. I want to
see what 50 grand looks like.
26
00:01:38,022 --> 00:01:42,062
There you go. It's less
exciting than I thought.
27
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:42,422
It's amazing to think that that's
what's gonna give us a baby.
28
00:01:42,423 --> 00:01:45,222
It's amazing to think that that's
what's gonna give us a baby.
29
00:01:45,262 --> 00:01:47,342
I have to go through
the ordeal of IVF,
30
00:01:47,382 --> 00:01:50,421
a pregnancy and you're one squirt
from being done, but yes, sure.
31
00:01:50,422 --> 00:01:50,822
A pregnancy and you're one squirt
from being done, but yes, sure.
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00:01:50,862 --> 00:01:55,102
We fucking did it,
Deacon. �50,000.
33
00:01:59,102 --> 00:02:01,102
1.2 million.
34
00:02:07,062 --> 00:02:08,702
Fuck you, Alfie!
35
00:02:16,182 --> 00:02:19,182
There is something I need to
tell you. If it's a speech about
36
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,582
how we can only spend
the money on IVF, I know.
37
00:02:21,622 --> 00:02:22,422
But fuck, we did it!
Celebrate for once. Fuck!
38
00:02:22,423 --> 00:02:25,822
But fuck, we did it!
Celebrate for once. Fuck!
39
00:02:25,862 --> 00:02:28,862
Wa-hoo! Fuck! Yeah!
40
00:02:28,902 --> 00:02:30,421
Go on. It feels amazing.
41
00:02:30,422 --> 00:02:31,422
Go on. It feels amazing.
42
00:02:31,982 --> 00:02:33,862
Fuck! Yeah!
43
00:02:33,902 --> 00:02:36,062
Whoa! Fuck! Shit!
44
00:02:36,102 --> 00:02:38,421
Yeah, I've got money, bitch.
45
00:02:38,422 --> 00:02:38,622
Yeah, I've got money, bitch.
46
00:02:38,662 --> 00:02:42,982
(LAUGHS) Alright, let's go home and
have rich people sex.Absolutely.
47
00:02:44,862 --> 00:02:46,421
Can I wear my hoodie while
we're doing it? Absolutely not.
48
00:02:46,422 --> 00:02:48,703
Can I wear my hoodie while
we're doing it? Absolutely not.
49
00:02:51,062 --> 00:02:54,062
Why can we never get a shitting
parking space on our street?
50
00:02:54,102 --> 00:02:54,422
OK. Here's one.
51
00:02:54,423 --> 00:02:57,382
OK. Here's one.
52
00:02:57,422 --> 00:02:59,742
No, you're not
gonna fit in there.
53
00:02:59,782 --> 00:03:02,142
Really? Really.
54
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:02,422
Prepare to find me
incredibly sexy.
55
00:03:02,423 --> 00:03:06,102
Prepare to find me
incredibly sexy.
56
00:03:09,342 --> 00:03:10,421
It's just about taking it
slow, but turning it hard.
57
00:03:10,422 --> 00:03:15,582
It's just about taking it
slow, but turning it hard.
58
00:03:15,622 --> 00:03:18,421
Before I get so incredibly turned
on again, I have a surprise for you.
59
00:03:18,422 --> 00:03:19,998
Before I get so incredibly turned
on again, I have a surprise for you.
60
00:03:20,022 --> 00:03:23,022
Yeah, what is it? Ta-da!
61
00:03:23,062 --> 00:03:25,622
What the hell is that? Do I
actually have to tell you?
62
00:03:25,662 --> 00:03:26,422
We agreed to be careful.
We talked about it.
63
00:03:26,423 --> 00:03:27,918
We agreed to be careful.
We talked about it.
64
00:03:27,942 --> 00:03:29,622
You told me to stop
going on about it,
65
00:03:29,662 --> 00:03:31,478
because my whining was
making your vagina hate me.
66
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,502
It was. But our
plan worked, Deacon.
67
00:03:33,542 --> 00:03:34,422
We have �50,000
sitting in an account
68
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:35,438
We have �50,000
sitting in an account
69
00:03:35,462 --> 00:03:38,342
or whatever crypto
shit is on that USB.
70
00:03:38,382 --> 00:03:40,502
No-one knows the money's
gone. Just enjoy.
71
00:03:40,542 --> 00:03:42,421
No, no. Not just
enjoy, OK, Allison.
72
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:43,478
No, no. Not just
enjoy, OK, Allison.
73
00:03:43,502 --> 00:03:45,782
This is when people get
cocky and get caught.
74
00:03:45,822 --> 00:03:49,862
What people? Well, it's
working in Goodfellas, OK?
75
00:03:49,902 --> 00:03:50,422
But the point still stands,
alright? It's not good.
76
00:03:50,423 --> 00:03:52,358
But the point still stands,
alright? It's not good.
77
00:03:52,382 --> 00:03:55,502
It's one bottle of champagne to
celebrate the start of our family.
78
00:03:55,542 --> 00:03:58,421
This is our dream.
Yeah, OK. I know. Fine!
79
00:03:58,422 --> 00:04:00,062
This is our dream.
Yeah, OK. I know. Fine!
80
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,782
OK, because of this
"just enjoy" chat,
81
00:04:04,822 --> 00:04:06,421
I'm gonna have to start this
all over again. Thank you.
82
00:04:06,422 --> 00:04:07,182
I'm gonna have to start this
all over again. Thank you.
83
00:04:07,222 --> 00:04:09,982
Does that parking thing mean
you won't have sex with me?
84
00:04:10,022 --> 00:04:13,622
Yeah, I will. I'll
just respect you less.
85
00:04:13,662 --> 00:04:14,422
I told you we should have champagne
flutes, because you never know.
86
00:04:14,423 --> 00:04:16,278
I told you we should have champagne
flutes, because you never know.
87
00:04:16,302 --> 00:04:18,822
It's gonna taste the same
out of a beaker. Hey, guys!
88
00:04:18,862 --> 00:04:21,502
Esme. I wondered
where you were.
89
00:04:21,542 --> 00:04:22,422
You're back. I thought
you were at a festival.
90
00:04:22,422 --> 00:04:23,262
You're back. I thought
you were at a festival.
91
00:04:23,302 --> 00:04:25,542
Oh, this is Jed. Say hi, Jed.
92
00:04:25,582 --> 00:04:28,342
What's good? Hello.
93
00:04:28,382 --> 00:04:30,421
A magic thing happened. I
was at this lame ska tent.
94
00:04:30,422 --> 00:04:31,142
A magic thing happened. I
was at this lame ska tent.
95
00:04:31,182 --> 00:04:37,622
I desperately needed a pee and
Jed lent me his pint glass. Ew!
96
00:04:37,662 --> 00:04:38,422
It was a real meet cute. A cool
story that ends up with you
97
00:04:38,423 --> 00:04:40,198
It was a real meet cute. A cool
story that ends up with you
98
00:04:40,222 --> 00:04:42,838
and a stranger in our living room.
We're glad to have you back, Es.
99
00:04:42,862 --> 00:04:46,142
Sure? I can leave you guys to it.
We're just getting a takeaway.
100
00:04:46,182 --> 00:04:46,422
It's no biggie, is it, Deacon?
What? Oh, no. No biggie at all.
101
00:04:46,423 --> 00:04:49,822
It's no biggie, is it, Deacon?
What? Oh, no. No biggie at all.
102
00:04:49,862 --> 00:04:52,062
So great to have you.
We've nothing going on.
103
00:04:52,102 --> 00:04:54,421
Great. Are you celebrating?
Well, no. No, we're not. No.
104
00:04:54,422 --> 00:04:55,918
Great. Are you celebrating?
Well, no. No, we're not. No.
105
00:04:55,942 --> 00:04:57,822
Then why the champagne?
It's Prosecco.
106
00:04:57,862 --> 00:04:59,942
No, it is champagne, actually.
107
00:04:59,982 --> 00:05:02,421
What are you celebrating?
108
00:05:02,422 --> 00:05:02,902
What are you celebrating?
109
00:05:02,942 --> 00:05:07,182
Well, we're... well,
should I just say?
110
00:05:07,222 --> 00:05:08,422
Yeah. We're pregnant.
111
00:05:08,462 --> 00:05:10,342
What? No.No, we're not.
112
00:05:10,382 --> 00:05:10,422
No, we're not. That is an
insane thing to make up.
113
00:05:10,423 --> 00:05:12,502
No, we're not. That is an
insane thing to make up.
114
00:05:12,542 --> 00:05:15,022
We got paid our bonuses
that we were promised.
115
00:05:15,062 --> 00:05:18,421
Oh! That's sick, man.
Thanks, man. That is sick.
116
00:05:18,422 --> 00:05:18,702
Oh! That's sick, man.
Thanks, man. That is sick.
117
00:05:18,742 --> 00:05:20,222
Why were you trying
to hide that?
118
00:05:20,262 --> 00:05:23,782
Because he's freaking out that if
he tells people, it'll jinx it.
119
00:05:23,822 --> 00:05:26,421
He's a dick. Such a dick. An
absolute villain. (LAUGHS)
120
00:05:26,422 --> 00:05:27,718
He's a dick. Such a dick. An
absolute villain. (LAUGHS)
121
00:05:27,742 --> 00:05:29,662
Celebratory joint?
122
00:05:33,142 --> 00:05:34,421
You know they gave us a joint
123
00:05:34,422 --> 00:05:34,742
You know they gave us a joint
124
00:05:34,782 --> 00:05:37,342
so they could bang in
the living room? 100%.
125
00:05:37,382 --> 00:05:40,382
Think they'll have champagne
at the fancy IVF clinic?
126
00:05:40,422 --> 00:05:41,862
They should for what it costs.
127
00:05:44,262 --> 00:05:47,022
Think you should be drinking?
I'm about to start IVF again.
128
00:05:47,062 --> 00:05:48,742
When that happens,
I won't drink,
129
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,421
so I intend on being drunk
pretty much until that moment.
130
00:05:50,422 --> 00:05:53,502
So I intend on being drunk
pretty much until that moment.
131
00:05:53,542 --> 00:05:56,862
I know we're celebrating,
but I do feel quite nervous.
132
00:05:56,902 --> 00:05:58,421
This clinic basically
guarantees success.
133
00:05:58,422 --> 00:06:00,222
This clinic basically
guarantees success.
134
00:06:00,262 --> 00:06:06,222
It will be worth it? After all
we've been through, it has to be.
135
00:06:06,262 --> 00:06:06,422
(FLATLINE SIGNAL)
136
00:06:06,423 --> 00:06:07,982
(FLATLINE SIGNAL)
137
00:06:08,022 --> 00:06:10,062
It's not fair.
138
00:06:10,102 --> 00:06:11,822
We had a heartbeat.
139
00:06:11,862 --> 00:06:13,862
I'm so sorry, Al.
140
00:06:19,342 --> 00:06:22,421
You're right. We can't let
this be our last chance.
141
00:06:22,422 --> 00:06:25,582
You're right. We can't let
this be our last chance.
142
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,421
Yeah? Yes. Yeah. No,
you're right. You're right.
143
00:06:30,422 --> 00:06:32,118
Yeah? Yes. Yeah. No,
you're right. You're right.
144
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:35,182
You know, this could be the
beginning of everything.
145
00:06:35,222 --> 00:06:38,421
It's amazing! Know what's amazing?
�50,000 in our bank account.
146
00:06:38,422 --> 00:06:40,038
It's amazing! Know what's amazing?
�50,000 in our bank account.
147
00:06:40,062 --> 00:06:43,462
Well, it's bitcoin. So it's
in an offline digital wallet.
148
00:06:43,502 --> 00:06:46,422
You've made 50
grand sound unsexy.
149
00:06:46,462 --> 00:06:49,662
I'm starting to feel guilty again
when I think about what we've done.
150
00:06:49,702 --> 00:06:54,421
We've fucking robbed our boss, Al.
Chill out. That man is a prick.
151
00:06:54,422 --> 00:06:55,062
We've fucking robbed our boss, Al.
Chill out. That man is a prick.
152
00:06:55,102 --> 00:06:57,022
Thank you for
agreeing to see me.
153
00:06:57,062 --> 00:06:59,502
I'm sorry we had to do it
in a cab but, you know,
154
00:06:59,542 --> 00:07:01,702
a worker's job's never done.
155
00:07:01,742 --> 00:07:02,422
Is the Oasis Spa and Massage
Centre on Cannon Road, mate?
156
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:04,902
Is the Oasis Spa and Massage
Centre on Cannon Road, mate?
157
00:07:04,942 --> 00:07:07,982
Yes, mate. Back's fucked.
158
00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:10,421
Plus it's only a tenner
for a happy ending.
159
00:07:10,422 --> 00:07:11,478
Plus it's only a tenner
for a happy ending.
160
00:07:11,502 --> 00:07:13,742
It's about that bonus.
Let me stop you there.
161
00:07:13,782 --> 00:07:17,862
I know where you're going with this.
You're gonna say, and you're right,
162
00:07:17,902 --> 00:07:18,422
I don't praise you enough. It's
about the bonuses you promised us.
163
00:07:18,423 --> 00:07:22,902
I don't praise you enough. It's
about the bonuses you promised us.
164
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:26,421
Deac, you are crushing
it right now, OK? Happy?
165
00:07:26,422 --> 00:07:26,702
Deac, you are crushing
it right now, OK? Happy?
166
00:07:26,742 --> 00:07:28,822
Yes. OK, thank
you. A nice chat.
167
00:07:28,862 --> 00:07:31,862
Gonna get out, because we're
getting further from the office.
168
00:07:31,902 --> 00:07:33,742
Alfie, we've talked
about it for ages,
169
00:07:33,782 --> 00:07:34,422
but Allison and I really
do need our bonuses.
170
00:07:34,423 --> 00:07:36,542
But Allison and I really
do need our bonuses.
171
00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:39,182
Yeah. And I was
thinking the same.
172
00:07:39,222 --> 00:07:42,222
Really? Really.
173
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:42,422
So, I got this for you guys.
174
00:07:42,423 --> 00:07:44,222
So, I got this for you guys.
175
00:07:44,262 --> 00:07:46,582
64 gigs.
176
00:07:46,622 --> 00:07:49,902
That's 32 each. Thank me later
for saving your marriage.
177
00:07:49,942 --> 00:07:50,422
Alfie, we need money. I'd love
to help you out, wouldn't I?
178
00:07:50,423 --> 00:07:53,542
Alfie, we need money. I'd love
to help you out, wouldn't I?
179
00:07:53,582 --> 00:07:55,782
But you know how the
property market is.
180
00:07:55,822 --> 00:07:57,662
We don't have
money lying around.
181
00:07:57,702 --> 00:07:58,422
All our money is sunk into
investments your lovely wife found.
182
00:07:58,423 --> 00:08:01,542
All our money is sunk into
investments your lovely wife found.
183
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:04,142
Look, I promise you,
once the market picks up,
184
00:08:04,182 --> 00:08:06,421
I'll see you both right, right?
185
00:08:06,422 --> 00:08:08,422
I'll see you both right, right?
186
00:08:09,462 --> 00:08:14,222
OK.Fucking hell, this is awkward.
Look, are you gonna get out here,
187
00:08:14,262 --> 00:08:14,422
because I can't be thinking about
this when I'm getting a handjob.
188
00:08:14,423 --> 00:08:19,742
Because I can't be thinking about
this when I'm getting a handjob.
189
00:08:19,782 --> 00:08:22,142
(TEXT ALERT)
190
00:08:22,182 --> 00:08:22,422
Oh, shit, it's Alfie.
191
00:08:22,423 --> 00:08:24,502
Oh, shit, it's Alfie.
192
00:08:24,542 --> 00:08:26,278
What if Sally's seen the
transfer and told him?
193
00:08:26,302 --> 00:08:29,022
Sally can't even operate the
meeting room booking calendar.
194
00:08:29,062 --> 00:08:30,421
She'll never see it. Stop
worrying. Yeah, you're right.
195
00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:33,902
She'll never see it. Stop
worrying. Yeah, you're right.
196
00:08:33,942 --> 00:08:36,462
VOICEMAIL: We need to talk.
197
00:08:36,502 --> 00:08:38,102
We're fucked!
198
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:44,980
Alright, so you're
gonna be cool. Uh-huh.
199
00:08:44,981 --> 00:08:46,700
Alright, so you're
gonna be cool. Uh-huh.
200
00:08:46,740 --> 00:08:50,420
You're gonna be calm. A
regular day. Let's go.
201
00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:52,979
I can do this. We can
do this. Just relax.
202
00:08:52,980 --> 00:08:53,996
I can do this. We can
do this. Just relax.
203
00:08:54,020 --> 00:08:56,220
We talk normally and
everybody will be chill.
204
00:08:56,260 --> 00:08:57,740
You don't have to tell me.
205
00:08:57,780 --> 00:08:59,940
Shit! What if he knows?
206
00:08:59,980 --> 00:09:00,980
What if we walk in and he actually
fucking knows? Jesus Christ!
207
00:09:00,981 --> 00:09:03,196
What if we walk in and he actually
fucking knows? Jesus Christ!
208
00:09:03,220 --> 00:09:05,956
He knows you stole the money and he
wants to address it in office hours.
209
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:08,979
This is unbearable. Don't
worry. Relax. He can't know.
210
00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:09,140
This is unbearable. Don't
worry. Relax. He can't know.
211
00:09:09,180 --> 00:09:12,620
He might not know now, but he can
literally find out any minute.
212
00:09:12,660 --> 00:09:16,620
Ssh. Ssh. Chill the fuck out.
Yeah, OK. Yeah, sure. Thank you.
213
00:09:22,780 --> 00:09:24,979
It's not terrible,
but it's not ideal.
214
00:09:24,980 --> 00:09:27,460
It's not terrible,
but it's not ideal.
215
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:36,500
What have you done?
216
00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:39,580
What do you mean?
217
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:40,979
Oh, well, it's yogurt.
218
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:41,900
Oh, well, it's yogurt.
219
00:09:41,940 --> 00:09:45,140
I'd soak it. Yeah, thanks.
220
00:09:45,180 --> 00:09:47,020
Sally, just out of curiosity,
221
00:09:47,060 --> 00:09:48,979
how has Alfie been kind
of mood-wise and shit?
222
00:09:48,980 --> 00:09:50,076
How has Alfie been kind
of mood-wise and shit?
223
00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:51,620
Oh, he's fine, I think.
224
00:09:51,660 --> 00:09:53,900
(SHOUTING)
225
00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:55,620
Was it the same fine?
226
00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:56,979
What? Pick it up. Pick it up!
227
00:09:56,980 --> 00:09:59,340
What? Pick it up. Pick it up!
228
00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:02,620
Oh, no, you're right. I
actually hadn't seen him today.
229
00:10:02,660 --> 00:10:04,979
Thank you so much, Sally. Am
I speaking to myself here?
230
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:05,380
Thank you so much, Sally. Am
I speaking to myself here?
231
00:10:05,420 --> 00:10:10,100
You're the reason I blow 50 quid
a week on fucking garbage dumped.
232
00:10:10,140 --> 00:10:12,300
I've had enough of
your stupid face.
233
00:10:12,340 --> 00:10:12,980
Get out of me office
and go get him for me.
234
00:10:12,981 --> 00:10:16,340
Get out of me office
and go get him for me.
235
00:10:16,380 --> 00:10:20,979
Um, Deacon, sorry to bother you, but
Alfie would just love a quick word.
236
00:10:20,980 --> 00:10:23,236
Um, Deacon, sorry to bother you, but
Alfie would just love a quick word.
237
00:10:23,260 --> 00:10:26,340
Oh, right. Yeah, sure. Did
he say what it was about,
238
00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,979
because I've got a
couple of things... Now!
239
00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:29,180
Because I've got a
couple of things... Now!
240
00:10:29,220 --> 00:10:31,940
Yeah, but these can
probably wait. Thanks, mate.
241
00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:51,460
(LIGHT KNOCK)
242
00:11:07,260 --> 00:11:08,979
Um, I can come back.
243
00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:09,980
Um, I can come back.
244
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:24,460
You're looking well.
245
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:24,980
What do you mean?
What do I mean?
246
00:11:24,981 --> 00:11:26,420
What do you mean?
What do I mean?
247
00:11:26,460 --> 00:11:28,900
I said, "You're looking
well." Really? Thanks.
248
00:11:28,940 --> 00:11:32,979
I'm trying to be a bit
healthier, eating a low fat...
249
00:11:32,980 --> 00:11:33,300
I'm trying to be a bit
healthier, eating a low fat...
250
00:11:33,340 --> 00:11:35,620
Do you care about this company?
251
00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:38,700
Yeah, of course
I do. Yeah, yeah.
252
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,979
Would it matter to you
if it all went tits up?
253
00:11:40,980 --> 00:11:41,260
Would it matter to you
if it all went tits up?
254
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:46,700
Yeah, I'd be really upset. I'd
be so ups... I'd be devastated.
255
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,780
Know I set this
company up from nowt?
256
00:11:48,820 --> 00:11:48,980
Nobody handed it me on a
silver fucking platter.
257
00:11:48,981 --> 00:11:51,740
Nobody handed it me on a
silver fucking platter.
258
00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:54,740
I mean, of course, if I could
have fucked my way to the top
259
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,979
I would in a heartbeat,
but I'm like you.
260
00:11:56,980 --> 00:11:59,140
I would in a heartbeat,
but I'm like you.
261
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:04,780
This body is no bargaining tool.
262
00:12:04,820 --> 00:12:04,980
So, what I did, I rolled up my
sleeves and I buried them in shit
263
00:12:04,981 --> 00:12:08,860
So, what I did, I rolled up my
sleeves and I buried them in shit
264
00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:12,060
and I pulled out every
opportunity coming to me.
265
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:12,980
And if anybody ever tried to
do anything to this company,
266
00:12:12,981 --> 00:12:19,060
And if anybody ever tried to
do anything to this company,
267
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:20,979
you know what I'd
do to them? No.
268
00:12:20,980 --> 00:12:21,140
You know what I'd
do to them? No.
269
00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:25,540
I'd rip their fucking throats
out and shit down their necks!
270
00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:28,979
Alfie, I don't know what
exactly this refers to, but...
271
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:29,020
Alfie, I don't know what
exactly this refers to, but...
272
00:12:29,060 --> 00:12:35,300
Is it possible to spend
132 quid on Wagon Wheels?
273
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:36,979
Um, yeah, I mean, I suppose
it's possible if you sort of...
274
00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:40,460
Um, yeah, I mean, I suppose
it's possible if you sort of...
275
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:42,780
Everyone think I'm a
soft touch? Doubt it.
276
00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:44,979
Then why are we spending �132
on Wagon Wheels? I don't know.
277
00:12:44,980 --> 00:12:48,140
Then why are we spending �132
on Wagon Wheels? I don't know.
278
00:12:48,180 --> 00:12:52,700
I think it might be because
Sally's quite, you know, nice.
279
00:12:52,740 --> 00:12:52,980
Like, she's sort
of quite agreeable.
280
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:55,380
Like, she's sort
of quite agreeable.
281
00:12:55,420 --> 00:12:58,420
And so, when people are
putting in the expenses claims
282
00:12:58,460 --> 00:13:00,940
and the snack orders, I
think maybe, you know,
283
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:04,260
they take the piss a bit, I think.
That would be my best guess.
284
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:08,979
You know what? For once,
you might actually be right.
285
00:13:08,980 --> 00:13:09,100
You know what? For once,
you might actually be right.
286
00:13:09,140 --> 00:13:11,980
(SIGHS)
287
00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:13,540
I need to fire Sally.
288
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:21,500
Hurry up!
289
00:13:21,540 --> 00:13:24,300
What is the
emergency? Oh, my God!
290
00:13:24,340 --> 00:13:24,980
I'm gonna be late
for the clinic.
291
00:13:24,981 --> 00:13:26,276
I'm gonna be late
for the clinic.
292
00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:28,860
So, I talked to Alfie. Christ!
Does he know the money's missing?
293
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:31,980
No.Great. Why do you have that
"I came too quickly" expression?
294
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:32,980
Well, I may have talked
him into firing Sally.
295
00:13:32,981 --> 00:13:34,516
Well, I may have talked
him into firing Sally.
296
00:13:34,540 --> 00:13:38,020
How the fuck did you do that? It was
an accident. I said she was nice.
297
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:40,500
Realise if Sally goes they
might bring in an accountant
298
00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:40,980
capable of spotting what we've done?
No, that hadn't occurred to me.
299
00:13:40,981 --> 00:13:43,820
Capable of spotting what we've done?
No, that hadn't occurred to me.
300
00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:46,180
I'm having a panic
about Strictly.
301
00:13:46,220 --> 00:13:48,940
So, what did you do? I
agreed and got the fuck out.
302
00:13:48,980 --> 00:13:52,020
This is too much, alright? We
need to put the money back.
303
00:13:52,060 --> 00:13:54,540
It's too much.No. It's
like an allergic reaction
304
00:13:54,580 --> 00:13:56,979
and I'm gonna cry. We're not putting
the money back. That is mental.
305
00:13:56,980 --> 00:13:57,260
And I'm gonna cry. We're not putting
the money back. That is mental.
306
00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:58,700
What if they spot it going in?
307
00:13:58,740 --> 00:14:01,900
Think they just won't look
further? Oh, God, you're right.
308
00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:04,620
We did this for a family.
We can't back out now.
309
00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:04,980
You need to convince
Alfie not to fire Sally.
310
00:14:04,981 --> 00:14:07,140
You need to convince
Alfie not to fire Sally.
311
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,300
I don't want to raise
our baby in prison.
312
00:14:09,340 --> 00:14:11,900
Though some babies look
cute in orange. Gotta go.
313
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:12,979
You're going? I cannot be
trusted to handle this.
314
00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:14,396
You're going? I cannot be
trusted to handle this.
315
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,580
Allison? Allison?
316
00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:28,020
(DOOR OPENS)
317
00:14:28,060 --> 00:14:28,980
So, your previous attempts have
been NHS, is that correct? Yes.
318
00:14:28,981 --> 00:14:33,500
So, your previous attempts have
been NHS, is that correct? Yes.
319
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,540
Did they tell you
your hormone level
320
00:14:35,580 --> 00:14:36,979
and how that affected your
chances of conceiving?
321
00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:37,940
And how that affected your
chances of conceiving?
322
00:14:37,980 --> 00:14:41,780
I think they said we
had like a 30% chance.
323
00:14:41,820 --> 00:14:44,180
Right.
324
00:14:44,220 --> 00:14:44,980
Well, you don't have to
sugar-coat it. It's OK.
325
00:14:44,981 --> 00:14:46,716
Well, you don't have to
sugar-coat it. It's OK.
326
00:14:46,740 --> 00:14:51,340
Just give it to me straight.
I'm very difficult to upset.
327
00:14:51,380 --> 00:14:52,979
Well, your ovarian
reserve is low.
328
00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:53,700
Well, your ovarian
reserve is low.
329
00:14:53,740 --> 00:14:56,260
Every month that ticks
by it will get worse.
330
00:14:56,300 --> 00:15:00,180
To be honest, you'd be lucky to get
one or two eggs from the retrieval
331
00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:00,980
and, even then, your eggs will
be of questionable quality.
332
00:15:00,981 --> 00:15:05,460
And, even then, your eggs will
be of questionable quality.
333
00:15:08,780 --> 00:15:08,980
(TEARFUL) Yeah. See how
that did not upset me?
334
00:15:08,981 --> 00:15:11,620
(TEARFUL) Yeah. See how
that did not upset me?
335
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:16,620
If you have the funds, we have a
range of services that can help.
336
00:15:16,660 --> 00:15:16,980
Though I do need to warn you,
once you have the first injection,
337
00:15:16,981 --> 00:15:19,980
Though I do need to warn you,
once you have the first injection,
338
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:22,900
you are committed to the
full set of fees we sent you,
339
00:15:22,940 --> 00:15:24,979
despite the low
chance of success.
340
00:15:24,980 --> 00:15:26,620
Despite the low
chance of success.
341
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:30,300
(SIGHS) Let's do it.
342
00:15:31,660 --> 00:15:32,979
Why are we spending
hundreds of pounds on paper?
343
00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:36,100
Why are we spending
hundreds of pounds on paper?
344
00:15:36,140 --> 00:15:38,540
It's probably because
we're an office
345
00:15:38,580 --> 00:15:40,580
and we need stationery.
346
00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:40,980
Yeah. That makes
sense, actually.
347
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:45,180
Yeah. That makes
sense, actually.
348
00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:46,460
What do you want?
349
00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:48,979
Oh, well, I was thinking about our
conversation about Sally earlier.
350
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:51,196
Oh, well, I was thinking about our
conversation about Sally earlier.
351
00:15:51,220 --> 00:15:54,620
Yeah, what about it? I was just
thinking that maybe you need to
352
00:15:54,660 --> 00:15:56,979
just sort of just relax a bit.
353
00:15:56,980 --> 00:15:57,780
Just sort of just relax a bit.
354
00:15:57,820 --> 00:16:01,260
You know, like, you know,
things probably aren't as bad
355
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:04,979
as you think and, you know,
you maybe just need to chill.
356
00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:07,116
As you think and, you know,
you maybe just need to chill.
357
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:09,500
For fuck's sake, if you
want to go for a drink
358
00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:11,540
after work, then just say so.
359
00:16:11,580 --> 00:16:12,979
What?
360
00:16:12,980 --> 00:16:13,020
What?
361
00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:16,020
OK. But I choose the
venue. 8pm, Bar Zero.
362
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:19,900
You are absolutely right.
We need to get shit-faced.
363
00:16:27,060 --> 00:16:28,979
So, how did it go? Great.
I had my first injection.
364
00:16:28,980 --> 00:16:29,900
So, how did it go? Great.
I had my first injection.
365
00:16:29,940 --> 00:16:33,900
Did he say it was all looking good?
What did he say our chances are?
366
00:16:33,940 --> 00:16:36,540
Great. They're the best in
the business. It's fine.
367
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:36,980
It's very exciting, isn't
it? It's a little bit teary.
368
00:16:36,981 --> 00:16:40,580
It's very exciting, isn't
it? It's a little bit teary.
369
00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:43,060
It's kind of our next chapter.
370
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:44,979
I'm also quite angry with
you, because thanks to you,
371
00:16:44,980 --> 00:16:47,260
I'm also quite angry with
you, because thanks to you,
372
00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:49,540
I have to spend the
evening with Alfie,
373
00:16:49,580 --> 00:16:52,700
to talk him out of
firing Sally. So...
374
00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:52,980
thank you and... fuck you!
375
00:16:52,981 --> 00:16:55,940
Thank you and... fuck you!
376
00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:00,979
(MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND)
377
00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:01,820
(MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND)
378
00:17:01,860 --> 00:17:05,820
What can I get you? I'm OK
for the minute, thank you.
379
00:17:05,860 --> 00:17:08,979
What? Are you taking the piss?
We'll have a bottle of vodka.
380
00:17:08,980 --> 00:17:09,140
What? Are you taking the piss?
We'll have a bottle of vodka.
381
00:17:09,180 --> 00:17:12,180
Alfie, vodka is �300
a bottle here, mate.
382
00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:14,260
Oh, what are we gonna do?
383
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,979
Bring us two bottles, yeah,
and a nappy for baby boy here.
384
00:17:16,980 --> 00:17:18,516
Bring us two bottles, yeah,
and a nappy for baby boy here.
385
00:17:18,540 --> 00:17:21,100
Alfie, I can't afford �300
for a bottle of vodka.
386
00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:24,979
It's on me, as in
on the company.
387
00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:25,996
It's on me, as in
on the company.
388
00:17:26,020 --> 00:17:28,540
Yeah. No, I got that. I
thought money was tight.
389
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:31,620
Well, it is. But this
is a legitimate expense.
390
00:17:31,660 --> 00:17:32,979
Well, unlike Wagon Wheels?
391
00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:33,300
Well, unlike Wagon Wheels?
392
00:17:33,340 --> 00:17:36,300
Are you trying to be
smart? What? No, no.
393
00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:38,780
You've got something
you want to tell me?
394
00:17:38,820 --> 00:17:40,979
No. No, not at all. No.
395
00:17:40,980 --> 00:17:41,860
No. No, not at all. No.
396
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:45,980
Right. Well, then, let's
get bladdered, yeah?
397
00:17:46,020 --> 00:17:48,780
I started at lunchtime, so
you've got catching up to do.
398
00:17:48,820 --> 00:17:48,980
Alfie, there was actually one
thing about Sally. Oh, here we go.
399
00:17:48,981 --> 00:17:52,460
Alfie, there was actually one
thing about Sally. Oh, here we go.
400
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:55,340
I was thinking that firing
Sally isn't the best idea.
401
00:17:55,380 --> 00:17:56,979
Why? Well, it's just you don't
exactly play by the rules yourself.
402
00:17:56,980 --> 00:17:59,940
Why? Well, it's just you don't
exactly play by the rules yourself.
403
00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:02,060
What? Well, it's just
that, you know...
404
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:04,979
No, I don't know.
Calm down, pussy boy.
405
00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:06,860
No, I don't know.
Calm down, pussy boy.
406
00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:10,100
I'm not gonna fire
Sally. Oh, thank God!
407
00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:12,979
I have sacked that Wagon
Wheeling cunt in HR.
408
00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:14,556
I have sacked that Wagon
Wheeling cunt in HR.
409
00:18:14,580 --> 00:18:17,300
He cried a bit.
410
00:18:17,340 --> 00:18:20,979
This is fun. Just me and you
getting boozed up at home.
411
00:18:20,980 --> 00:18:21,220
This is fun. Just me and you
getting boozed up at home.
412
00:18:21,260 --> 00:18:22,780
It reminds me of being a kid.
413
00:18:22,820 --> 00:18:25,900
Esme, you drank both those
bottles, but this is fun.
414
00:18:25,940 --> 00:18:28,820
Why do you look worried? Shouldn't
we be celebrating your bonuses?
415
00:18:28,860 --> 00:18:28,980
Deacon's not one
for celebrating.
416
00:18:28,981 --> 00:18:30,740
Deacon's not one
for celebrating.
417
00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:33,500
That's why I tell you sisters
are better than husbands.
418
00:18:33,540 --> 00:18:36,020
And by sisters, I mean
me. Yeah, I got that.
419
00:18:36,060 --> 00:18:36,980
Deacon's worried about
the whole IVF process
420
00:18:36,981 --> 00:18:38,596
Deacon's worried about
the whole IVF process
421
00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:41,100
and he's been looking after
me. It's really sweet.
422
00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:44,620
You mean a man controlling your
money and your womb. Totes sweet.
423
00:18:44,660 --> 00:18:44,980
Well, if you believe our new doctor,
my womb is barely worth controlling.
424
00:18:44,981 --> 00:18:49,180
Well, if you believe our new doctor,
my womb is barely worth controlling.
425
00:18:49,220 --> 00:18:52,500
God, really? He was brutal
about our chances of conceiving.
426
00:18:52,540 --> 00:18:52,980
What did Deacon say? Oh,
no, I can't tell him.
427
00:18:52,981 --> 00:18:55,660
What did Deacon say? Oh,
no, I can't tell him.
428
00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:57,420
We've done all
this to get a baby
429
00:18:57,460 --> 00:19:00,620
and my body might be the
thing that fucks it up.
430
00:19:00,660 --> 00:19:00,980
What do you mean "all this"?
431
00:19:00,981 --> 00:19:03,780
What do you mean "all this"?
432
00:19:03,820 --> 00:19:06,620
We're not Bonnie and Clyde,
Allison. We can't do this.
433
00:19:06,660 --> 00:19:08,420
Let's just save up and
try a cheaper clinic.
434
00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:08,980
That clinic was above
a Chinese takeaway.
435
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,036
That clinic was above
a Chinese takeaway.
436
00:19:10,060 --> 00:19:13,620
If you like your insemination
with spring rolls, it's brilliant,
437
00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:16,979
but we're running out of time. We
have to go to that posh clinic.
438
00:19:16,980 --> 00:19:17,340
But we're running out of time. We
have to go to that posh clinic.
439
00:19:17,380 --> 00:19:21,580
Maybe I can get one more
loan and get another round.
440
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:24,979
Oh, no! What the fuck? Deacon, we
have more chance of getting money
441
00:19:24,980 --> 00:19:25,820
Oh, no! What the fuck? Deacon, we
have more chance of getting money
442
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:27,940
from one of those
Nigerian Prince emails.
443
00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:30,580
You said so yourself. He
doesn't know the accounts exist.
444
00:19:30,620 --> 00:19:32,979
Well, it doesn't matter.
We cannot do it, Al.
445
00:19:32,980 --> 00:19:33,380
Well, it doesn't matter.
We cannot do it, Al.
446
00:19:33,420 --> 00:19:37,300
Whatever happened to "You're right.
This cannot be our last chance"?
447
00:19:37,340 --> 00:19:40,979
(SIGHS) I knew you'd
hold that against me.
448
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,556
(SIGHS) I knew you'd
hold that against me.
449
00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:44,340
Just going through our bonuses.
450
00:19:44,380 --> 00:19:47,780
I should be looking after you.
You're always looking after me.
451
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:48,979
Apart from when you abandoned
me and moved to Berk-shire.
452
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:51,156
Apart from when you abandoned
me and moved to Berk-shire.
453
00:19:51,180 --> 00:19:53,620
You've been here six
months, Es. It's Berkshire.
454
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,620
Anyway, let's have some fun,
455
00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:56,979
like before you shacked
up with Mr Sensible.
456
00:19:56,980 --> 00:19:58,196
Like before you shacked
up with Mr Sensible.
457
00:19:58,220 --> 00:19:59,940
What are you doing?
458
00:19:59,980 --> 00:20:04,340
Someone needs to engage in some
very non-complicated retail therapy
459
00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:04,980
because, one, I think you
need some fun, and two,
460
00:20:04,981 --> 00:20:07,460
because, one, I think you
need some fun, and two,
461
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:10,020
it's your bonus and you can
spend it on what you like.
462
00:20:10,060 --> 00:20:12,940
And three, I cannot listen to
you moan for another second.
463
00:20:12,980 --> 00:20:16,780
Ah, I have always
wanted one like that.
464
00:20:16,820 --> 00:20:19,340
Do it. Do it. Do
it, do it, do it.
465
00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:20,979
Do it. Go on. Oh, my God!
466
00:20:20,980 --> 00:20:21,700
Do it. Go on. Oh, my God!
467
00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:24,780
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
468
00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:28,979
(SHOUTING)
469
00:20:28,980 --> 00:20:29,980
(SHOUTING)
470
00:20:31,620 --> 00:20:34,220
Go, go, go, go,
go, go! Oh, God!
471
00:20:40,220 --> 00:20:42,220
(CHEERING)
472
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:47,700
(PHONE RINGS) Oh! It's Deacon.
473
00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:50,940
Have you lost your
mind? That's nice.
474
00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:52,979
Why am I getting alerts
from our credit card?
475
00:20:52,980 --> 00:20:53,260
Why am I getting alerts
from our credit card?
476
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:56,580
Because you inappropriately set
up spending alerts on your phone.
477
00:20:56,620 --> 00:21:00,700
WOMAN: Oy, come back to the party.
We're playing Strip Twister.
478
00:21:00,740 --> 00:21:00,980
Yeah, I'll be out
in a sec, mate.
479
00:21:00,981 --> 00:21:02,540
Yeah, I'll be out
in a sec, mate.
480
00:21:02,580 --> 00:21:05,340
Listen, Allison, the reason
we did this was for IVF,
481
00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:07,500
not for bloody Prada handbags.
482
00:21:07,540 --> 00:21:08,979
Did you go back to Alfie's
house with a bunch of skanks?
483
00:21:08,980 --> 00:21:10,716
Did you go back to Alfie's
house with a bunch of skanks?
484
00:21:10,740 --> 00:21:13,140
You know very well I don't
want to be with skanks
485
00:21:13,180 --> 00:21:15,260
and I'm doing what it takes.
486
00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:16,979
While you're at home online
shopping, I'm sent to prison.
487
00:21:16,980 --> 00:21:18,196
While you're at home online
shopping, I'm sent to prison.
488
00:21:18,220 --> 00:21:20,100
Don't be a drama queen,
it's just a handbag.
489
00:21:20,140 --> 00:21:23,860
Just a handbag? It's
�1,400, Allison.
490
00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:24,979
I hope it comes with 1,300
quid's worth of cash inside it.
491
00:21:24,980 --> 00:21:26,596
I hope it comes with 1,300
quid's worth of cash inside it.
492
00:21:26,620 --> 00:21:30,220
Esme said you'd freak out. She's
fucking psychic, then, isn't she?
493
00:21:30,260 --> 00:21:32,979
Or just predicting how any sane
person would react in the situation.
494
00:21:32,980 --> 00:21:33,996
Or just predicting how any sane
person would react in the situation.
495
00:21:34,020 --> 00:21:36,700
Are you calling me insane?
I'm not calling you insane.
496
00:21:36,740 --> 00:21:40,979
It's just fucking reckless, Allison.
You wear that bag into work,
497
00:21:40,980 --> 00:21:41,700
It's just fucking reckless, Allison.
You wear that bag into work,
498
00:21:41,740 --> 00:21:44,420
you might as well wear a
sign saying "Oh, hey Alfie.
499
00:21:44,460 --> 00:21:47,900
By the way, I just
robbed your company."
500
00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:48,979
Hello?
501
00:21:48,980 --> 00:21:49,980
Hello?
502
00:21:51,460 --> 00:21:53,460
Fuck!
503
00:21:58,660 --> 00:22:00,580
Oh, fuck!
504
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:03,140
? Cos I'm the big bad
wolf ? What you say?
505
00:22:03,180 --> 00:22:04,979
? I'm the big bad
wolf ? What you say?
506
00:22:04,980 --> 00:22:05,740
? I'm the big bad
wolf ? What you say?
507
00:22:05,780 --> 00:22:08,180
? I'm the big bad wolf
508
00:22:08,220 --> 00:22:10,340
? I'm blowing down
your neighbourhood
509
00:22:10,380 --> 00:22:12,340
? What you say?
510
00:22:12,380 --> 00:22:12,980
(HOWLING)
511
00:22:12,981 --> 00:22:14,380
(HOWLING)
512
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,300
? Oh, yeah
513
00:22:17,340 --> 00:22:19,340
(HOWLING)
514
00:22:20,860 --> 00:22:20,980
? What you say? ?
515
00:22:20,981 --> 00:22:22,460
? What you say? ?
516
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:24,540
AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk
517
00:22:24,590 --> 00:22:29,140
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