Original subtitles

How... are you? How...

Are you still dating Sara from homicide?

I’m actually seeing two Sarahs.

Two Sarahs? (chuckles)

What, are you polyamorous now? Is that...

Have you ever had your heart broken?

No.

- Oh. - Except by you.

Move in with me.

You know, I was always planning on buying my own place.

I know. (knocking at door)

Tueli! - Oh, hi.

Yeah, I’m his stepdaughter. - Stepdaughter?

Her mother and I lived together for seven years.

This is Kelly. - Hey, Kelly.

Can I stay for a few days?

You said you had a big loft by yourself...

- But Kelly... - Kelly doesn’t mind.

Oh, hell no.

No way, uh-uh.

We’re not doing it like that. That’s not how we do it.

Not doing what? What you talking about?

You don’t just get out the bed,

go put on your clothes and then, sneak out the damn house.

But I actually got different plans for you.

(sucks teeth)

What you talking about, Willis?

Eh, eh, eh. Just you wait,

just you wait, Henry Higgins.

You ready?

(rhythmic music)

Okay.

Oh, hell...

Ooh. - Hey, hey, hey...

Okay...

(chuckling)

Oh...

Pah... pah... pah...

Yeah, see? That’s what I was waiting for, right there.

Mm-hmm!

Okay, no, no, so you’re serious now?

Show me what you working with!

Wait, it’s...

It’s stuck around my ankles, hold up, help me out.

What’s the matter? - Get those...

Okay, I got you. I got you.

(sighs)

Ooh! Alright, Flashdance.

(chuckles)

(laughs)

You like this?

Oh, yeah. Well, that depends. Can I get this every morning?

Okay, you’re being greedy now.

I’m gonna need you to shimmy out.

Girl, you ain’t seen nothing.

(laughing)

(groans)

You see that? That was a stunt, girl!

(laughs)

Oh!

I didn’t break out the "please don’t hurt ’em".

Well, maybe... I don’t know how you feel about...

Oh, ooh! Look out now, you gotta be careful.

Gimme this one. Two...

I don’t even got to look.

I need to meet with Rickets before his lecture...

(gasps) - Get out!

- Tueli! - ...your car’s in the way.

Okay, yeah. Can we just... Can you give us a minute?

Sure, sorry. Oh, just as an FYI,

I leave the house pretty early. I get up, I go.

I’m involved in a lot of community organizational things,

like study groups. I’m pretty go-go-go,

so Kelly, if you and I are both gonna be staying here,

is it cool if you park in front of Nathan’s car,

like on the street?

Um...

Tuelli. (panting)

All you really had to say was, "Can you move the car?"

You know? And maybe...

Just maybe add a please?

Yeah, you could have said it on the other side of the door,

by the way. - Sorry. I’m frazzled.

Please?

Um... those are my pants!

Those are my pants...

Um, okay. Tueli, I’m gonna need you to leave

so I can finish getting dressed, please. - Oh. Sorry, yeah.

Forgot some people are weird about nudity.

Well, it’s not weird.

You’re right, my mom’s the weird one.

She’s super open about bodies and stuff,

kind of free spirit. I’m sure Nathan’s told you all about her.

Actually, we don’t bring up past relationships

in our dynamic. - Oh, that’s smart.

Yeah, it’s probably hard for him to talk about.

Why?

Oh, he was heartbroken when Vanessa ended things.

Vanessa’s my mom, that’s what I call her.

Anyway, I’m sorry, I tried knocking.

You can be chill with me here.

Nathan’s like family, so, so are you.

Have a great day, Kelly.

(R&B music)

Oh, no, that’s Nazeer’s girlfriends.

It’s the Sarahs. It’s two Sarahs.

(indistinct chatter)

Podcast... listen to your podcast.

Tuesday, what happens with that?

I’m always working on a Tuesday, though.

My headphones!

(indistinct voice on speakers)

It’s not that I don’t... Sam, Sam!

Hey, hi.

Hey, Naz. How are you? I didn’t hear you,

because I was just listening to a podcast.

...spaghetti...

Sounds riveting. - Mm-hmm.

It is, it’s really good.

Have you met Sarah and Sara?

Hello. Hi, hi.

That’s a triple hi. How are you? It’s really nice to...

Naz has talked like, a lot about you.

Um... Detective Harding, how’s... Homicide?

Homicide is... It’s homicide.

(chuckles) It’s always a fun time.

Sara, the dog walker. It’s really nice to meet you.

Hi Brenda, hi Kevin.

Uh, I’m sure we’ve met before.

I don’t think we have, I don’t remember.

I’ve been picking up Edwina’s dogs for two years.

Guess you’re not much of a detective.

(laughing)

(awkward chuckle) - That’s really...

Oh God... You got me.

Both... Both Sarahs brought me coffee.

It’s like I’m swimming in coffees.

You got two coffees, I feel like that’s a bit much.

’Cause what do you do with two at the same...

How does... Is one not enough for you?

Well, some people just prefer two coffees.

And I do not judge those people.

I guess I’m just more of a one coffee kind of gal.

Right. Well, here’s a Sumatra for you.

Thank you so much. Look at us all together,

just hanging out with the dog and some coffees and...

This is just a really, really good time.

(sucks lips)

That’s terrible. It’s not... It’s just that that’s a lot of sugar.

Yeah, Naz likes it sweet.

I thought that he likes it black.

I thought you liked it with cream.

Uh... No, see... What it was is...

You know what, I like them all equally.

You know, I’m gonna go.

’Cause I have to eat some salt to counteract the sugar.

How it is, because I don’t want to... Bye.

And then, she just stood there like I was the weird one

for not being chill about the fact

that she just walked in on us. I mean, Sam...

I could have just crawled into a hole.

Oh my God, I want to crawl into a hole,

like a big hole where there’s no Nazs and like, no Sarahs.

I don’t even know what was more awkward,

the fact that Tueli walked in on me and Nathan

while we was doing a little da-da-da,

strip tease thing morning,

or the fact that she was comparing me...

Comparing me to Nathan’s ex.

Okay, or the sheer bizarro-land that you and Nathan

tried to do a da-da-da dance like strip tease

on a Tuesday morning.

I mean, I just ask myself,

like how well do I really know Nathan?

’Cause you know I was gone for eight months

and I’m putting a whole lot of my eggs in his basket

when you know, maybe I need my own basket.

And I told you about, I was trying to get my own place,

so you know, maybe I should just bite the bullet

and sublet something until, you know, I don’t know, a house opens up?

Listen, I think you’re being really reactive.

You know, the housing market isn’t great

and the bubble’s about to burst. So, don’t do that.

And then, the other night, Nathan said

that I was the only woman that ever broke his heart.

Yet, this morning, Tueli was talking about

how he was all heartbroken over his breakup with her mom.

Well, it’s just that... Okay, we’re all adults here,

so we’ve all had our hearts broken.

But still, you know...

I think I just... take a breath.

You know, I’m in no rush to move in with the man.

I can just take a... a beat!

Right? - Yeah.

(door opens)

(soft rhythmic music)

Okay, the universe is actualizing my dreams.

Think about this: you, me, roomies.

Just so you like, take a beat.

’Cause Steve is away at a conference. Yay!

And the guest room is free with an incredible duvet

and I’ve used extreme self-control to not binge watch

Bridgerton season two, waiting for a what?

Oh, a Bridger-buddy. Which could be you,

it should be you, it will be you.

Uh, it’s actually not a bad idea.

Yeah, Bridgerton two, you and me.

It’ll give me a night to catch my breath.

Yes, take a beat, take a beat. Up here!

(excited yelp) - I’m allowed, right?

Yes, give me a beat!

Down low! (both): No...

Let’s go, all around town, friends having a...

(clears throat)

I’m dealing with an emergency, I could use you both

in the board room in five, thanks.

(light music)

(retching) Good job, good job.

Hey. We need your help. - Hello!

Oh no, no. - God!

I’m not cleaning up vomit.

Honey, the bathroom is right through there,

it’s a door away! - I’m sorry...

That came out of nowhere. (sobbing)

Yeah, yeah, it’s okay. I’m trying to keep this

on the down-low as a favour to Susan here.

She’s feeling pretty... vulnerable.

We got a couple calls, noise complaints,

fireworks being set off near the Port Lands

around six this morning. Everyone said

it was coming from a junkyard on Commissioners.

It’s in the file.

Look in the file. (sobs)

Crud Stud?

Owned and operated by Curtis Eggars.

The titular stud of Crud Stud.

Yeah, not that I noticed, but he is a stud.

He’s really built.

I got to figure out where he goes to workout.

Anyway, he’s in interview right now.

We were going to talk to him and then, we...

We found... (retching)

She’s never seen a dead body before.

- Hmm. - This is a homicide?

Not exactly. Here.

Oh, okay.

You know what, give us a warning next time you flash us

with a dead racoon pic.

How do you think I felt? I stepped on it.

Sweetheart, it’s not a real human dead body.

I’m prepping her that it is... much, much worse.

Okay, uh... What’s your theory?

I think the fireworks were actually machine gun.

If you look closely at this little trash panda,

he’s been hit by at least five bullets,

with another 15 on the scene.

Alright.

I’ll get ballistics to run a test.

In the meantime, we’ll have a little chat with the...

Stud of Crud.

So? How can I help you lovely ladies?

I’m assuming I would know if I was arrested, right?

Detective Wazowski and I wanted to ask you about

your whereabouts this morning around 6 AM.

Oh, well yesterday, on... (clears throat)

...Monday, I had lunch with Maria.

I met her on Rubble. I call them my Maria Mondays.

Slept over, woke up, did a little bit

of a Tuesday morning redux.

And then, went to work around 8.

Okay well, while you were reduxing,

machine gun fire was reported coming from your address.

I lock up the gates when I leave, but that doesn’t mean

that kids won’t hop the fence, right?

Kids. With machine guns?

Only shooting I do is on hunting trips with the boys.

Wow.

But I owe a beer to whoever got rid of that vermin.

You know, racoons are an invasive species.

They are on track to outnumber us four to one

and I do not like those numbers. Do you?

Curtis, do you own any hunting rifles?

I got a few non-restricted firearms.

Oh. Oh, okay. Well, what are we talking?

It’s on here. Just give me a second, here. Let’s see. Oh, there they are.

I got some other good ones on here.

There’s the hunting rifles.

Wow. Those are... Phewf.

And I got my... I got another one in there, too.

I got my 9 mm in here somewhere.

Well, there’s my 12-gauge, pump action.

There’s me, holding the 12-gauge.

Very nice, nice sunglasses.

Thank you. There’s my 9 mm.

Ooh.

It’s all locked up. It’s safe at home.

I think you might be forgetting one.

An M16 machine gun.

Hmm.

100 % illegal in Canada.

You know what, you can confiscate that.

(both): Oh!

He’s gonna let us confiscate his illegal rifle.

(both): So nice! - Yes!

I’m just wondering why you would use a machine gun

to hunt a racoon.

I don’t hunt them, I get rid of them.

Is it a crime to protect your property?

Uh, it is illegal to possess, not to mention fire,

a fully prohibited automatic weapon in Canada.

Yeah, there’s severe penalties.

But if you let us know where you got it from,

you know, maybe we just let you off with a fine.

Hmm. You know, or you can play tough

and just serve three to five years, it’s...

(light music)

I get my guns from a guy named Jeff. Jeff Harvey.

Where can we find him?

He runs a business out of a place called Bare Camp.

Oh, Bare Camp! Okay, this... Okay.

These people are naked, this is a nudist camp, Kell.

You’re kidding me. - No, I’m not.

Ballistics results just came in. Come with me.

The bullets found in that racoon have been matched

to the same gun wanted in a homicide from three weeks ago.

It’s possible your Crud Stud is killing more than racoons.

Now, I’m really close with the guys on the case,

so I told them I’d connect you.

You’re gonna be working with the Homicide crème de la crème.

Really, really great guys. So smart. Really funny.

(chuckles) You’re gonna love these guys.

Hi, Sarah. We meet again.

Hey.

Hello.

Detective Dack Adams.

In the early years, they’d call me "Dick Dack".

Not a term we use for detectives anymore.

Dick. Probably a good thing, right?

Lot of confusion, wouldn’t you say?

No, yeah, yeah, sure. Confusing.

Anyway, it’s great to have you two working under us.

We can use all the help we can get.

Help? No, no. This is our case.

(chuckles)

Homicide trumps G&G. Everybody knows that,

we will run point and you guys will assist.

Did Ballard okay this?

Yes.

About three weeks ago on a cold, rainy evening,

a young man named Richard Richardson,

who also goes by the name Dick...

Full of promise, full of dreams,

decided to go out for a bag of chips at the store.

He had some dip in his fridge,

he wanted to match the chip with the dip.

Comes back from the store, goes to his apartment,

can’t wait to open the chips.

Out of nowhere, a red sedan comes flying around the corner

and the passenger decides,

"I’m going to rip those chips open for you."

Pulls out an M16.

(imitates machine gun fire)

Get down, Dick Dick!

Dick! No!

Nothing, 10 bullets in the chest, five in the chips.

Dick Richardson’s dreams were no more.

Detective Adams writes crime novels in his spare time.

Oh yeah, okay.

What do you guys have so far?

So far, we have Curtis Eggars who bought this M16

from a guy named Jeff, who deals guns out of Bare Camp.

The nudist colony?

Yeah, Curtis said that he bought a gun a week ago,

but he could be lying.

Curtis also claims to have a rock-solid alibi

the night of the murder, a rock-solid alibi

that goes by the name Felicia.

Hmm. Let me guess, she’s on Fridays?

Yes, Fridays. Huh.

Well, get a good night’s sleep, everybody.

Tomorrow, we’re going to Bare Camp.

A cluster of naked Dicks thrusting their way

to the bottom of this case.

(light music)

(light music)

Whoa! Look at this.

Here you go, here’s to taking a beat.

Personally, I’ve been up since 3 AM

with the words "naked Dick" running through my head.

You know what? Dick Dack was being dramatic.

We don’t all need to go in there naked,

they can handle that and we can hang in the van as backup.

Okay? - God, ’cause I just cannot

go in there with Sarah Two...

Just, I can’t go in there with Naz’s girlfriend.

- Why not? - Well, I don’t know.

I mean, who can really know? I just...

Kell, do you ever really get over your ex?

Huh, I certainly hope Nathan is over his.

Listen, I know that I’m not the most adventurous person,

but this whole polyamorous thing has got me really

feeling like a prude, and Sarah Two,

she’s just so confident, she’s like a real free spirit.

What is so great about being a free spirit anyway?

That’s how Tueli describes her mom, Vanessa.

Yeah, free spirit. You know what that means? Flaky!

Yeah, take your free spirit over there, thank you very much.

Okay, bye. - I have no problem being naked.

No problem at all. In the shower, between the sheets.

But other than that, I just don’t feel the need.

I’m a private nudist, but nobody needs to see

your coochie waving all around the place.

I mean, not your coochie in particular,

anybody’s coochie. Vanessa’s coochie.

Speaking of Vanessa,

do you want to check out her social media?

Oh girl, are you kidding me?

I have been watching her stories for a week.

You’ve been watching her stories?

Yeah, why not?

So, you know that she can tell

when you’ve been watching her stories?

What do you mean?

Oh, come on, you must know that.

That’s why Elliot banned me from his social media,

’cause he could see when I was creeping his stories.

No, no.

Huh.

"This account is now private."

Oh, like in it wasn’t before?

Do you think she made it private

when she saw me creeping her stories?

No. No, I’m sure she didn’t even notice.

That is embarrassing, I feel so childish!

Good! I’m glad you do, you should feel childish,

because I feel childish all the time.

This makes me feel normal. - I can only be childish

with you, though. - Same, same.

Are you sure you can’t be childish with your BFF, Ro?

Are you kidding me? She’s way too mature for that.

Can you pass me one of those sausages, please?

Yeah. Eat your naked sausage. - You know I will.

(both grunting humorously)

(siren in the distance)

(Nathan): Kelly! You have a minute?

I talked to Tueli about yesterday

and it will never happen again.

Yeah, okay. Uh... Hmm.

You know, but she said something that kind of...

made me feel a little weird.

Like what?

Like... How you might have been heartbroken

when her mom dumped you.

Wait, is that jealousy I smell?

- Jealous? - No, this is incred--

Wow! You’re jealous over me? - Okay, stop. Stop.

- Okay. It’s over. - Just back it up.

Yeah.

I mean, but for real, though, were you heartbroken

when you and Vanessa split?

I don’t know.

My ego was definitely bruised.

And I guess in the moment,

I could have taken that for a heartbreak, yeah.

Maybe. - Okay.

Anything else you need to tell me?

(phone vibrates) - Hold on.

I think something bad has happened, I need your help.

But not as a cop, okay? As my friend.

Okay, calm down. Breathe.

What’s going on? - I’m at school.

I’m trying to look for my friend, Ray.

I don’t know, we were in the library together and then,

he started acting really weird and aggressive...

Can you breathe for me, please? Just...

Just tell me what’s happening.

We were in the library together, just working

and then, he just bolted.

I don’t know, he’s really messed up.

Okay, so do you want me to send someone down?

No! No.

I don’t want some random cop showing up

and pulling out their guns.

He might be going back to our lecture,

but I don’t know, I’m freaking out!

I will be there as soon as I can be, okay? Don’t move.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You need a ride? - Sure, sure. Yes, please.

Alright, let’s roll. - Yeah, man.

(Nazeer): Tueli, is he on anything?

He takes this Purple Rain stuff to help him study,

but this was whack.

He said he was going into lecture--

(screaming)

(indistinct shouting)

(Ray): I can’t do it, I just can’t do it!

200 pages in one night?

I’m not a goddamn robot!

- Ray! Ray, stop! - Gotta be on Purple Rain.

Seriously!

I just can’t work that fast!

Lev’s Psych 100, it nearly killed me!

(sobbing)

Detective Nazeer. Who are you?

- Veronica. - Jody, we’re the TAs.

Okay, listen, we’ll take care of him.

You guys get the hell out of here.

(sobbing)

Hey, easy, Ray. That’s your name, right?

I’m Nathan, Tueli’s friend. Let’s just take it easy, huh?

Maybe even sit down.

I’m sitting down. Right?

Yeah, nice and easy.

Just chilling. Okay, Ray?

You’re gonna be okay, Ray. You can trust them.

Ray. Ray, it’s me!

Hey!

Tueli!

Tueli, are you okay? Are you alright?

Take your time, take your time.

Alright, Jeff Harvey, 47.

Primary address is Leaside, Toronto,

but in the summer times, he lives out of his RV.

I just finished questioning Curtis, whose alibi is solid.

He’s not the shooter.

Turns out his account of acquiring the M16

after the homicide checks out.

Okay, so we find out where he got the gun from

and who had it before him.

That is pungent. That’s... intense,

whatever it is you’re drinking. - I know, right? So good.

Hmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm.

So, Adams is digging up a carded informant

who is also a member at Bare Camp.

We agent the informant, who introduces us as customers.

We buy a gun and catch Jeff in the sale.

Uh, excuse me. When you say, "We buy a gun,"

do you mean like, we go undercover like...

(chuckles) Undercover in the nude?

That’s the only way that he does business.

Yeah, so you and Dick Dack got that.

Sure. If you two are weird with it,

you know, me and Adams can take care of it.

And you guys can be backup in the van.

Yeah, we’ll be in the van, thank you.

That’s... I like the way you think.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Yeah.

- I’m calling for backup. - No, no, please! No more cops.

Okay, okay, but I’m staying with you.

I’m gonna take you home and then, we’re gonna find Ray.

Call Kelly.

(sighs)

(phone rings)

Hey Naz, what’s up?

Hey, yeah. We’re over here at Osler U, we got a situation.

Nathan needs your help.

Okay, alright. I’ll be right there.

Uh, hey, I gotta go.

What? Stop, no.

Nathan and Tueli are in a situation, okay?

You’re gonna have to do this without me for now.

Stop, please don’t leave.

Sam, there are three very capable detectives,

you’ll be fine. - You know what, I’m gonna go

and then, you stay here. - Sam,

Nathan rarely asks for my help, okay?

He needs me.

You got this, okay? - Okay.

You’re good.

Uh, watch her for me, please.

- Yeah, sure. - Thank you.

(indistinct chatter)

Students last saw Ray heading here.

You’re sure he was on Purple Rain?

Yeah, extreme strength, foaming at the mouth.

These are all common reactions to the drug.

(dramatic music)

That’s him. - I don’t want this.

I don’t want this anymore!

Don’t want this.

(man): Hey, hey, no!

(groans)

Let’s go. - Go!

(screaming) - I don’t want this!

(Nazeer): Hang on, buddy!

(screaming)

(panting)

(screams)

Oh God. (groans)

Hey, hey, Ray? Hey, buddy.

Hey, just take it easy, alright?

We’re gonna... We’re gonna get you down from there.

I can’t... I can’t take this, this is way, way, way too much.

(panting)

He’s having a seizure, let’s go.

(groans)

Got you! - I got him.

It’s okay. We got you, Ray.

On your side, on your side. (panting)

I got his head.

Get paramedics to Osler University.

Third floor atrium, right now!

It’s okay, Ray. You’re good, we’re all good, buddy.

(coughs)

Alright, you’re allowed to wear shoes,

I put a tiny mic in Sarah’s sneakers,

I can do the same for you.

No, no, I’m not going in, you two are.

I can’t. You two have to do it.

No, it’s just that we agreed, so...

Okay, I’ve given this some think and I realize

that I can’t do it, ’cause Jeff will find me too intimidating.

I don’t know what you mean by that.

With the-- - Yeah.

He’s not going to do business with me if he sees it.

And we’re done.

You two go in.

I’ll stay outside, waiting on your every word.

Once you have a deal for the gun, let me know

and I will jump in and nab him.

Wait. Uh, sorry, could we just...

Like, please. No, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. I, well--

Come on, come on. It’s gonna be fun.

I don’t see how this will be fun.

It is, fun with a capital F.

(birds chirping)

Hello, hi. Uh, we’re here to register.

Wazowski and Harding.

Uh, how much clothes are you allowed to wear?

We are not clothing optional.

You can only wear clothes for safety.

Like, if you’re cold.

(shivers) - Do you feel that?

It’s really cold.

We lose our heat through the top portion of our body,

not the bottom. So, if you must, put on a shirt.

Oh, good. I’ll just probably wear this one, then.

Not that shirt. Too sexual.

Okay, really?

(sighs)

No sexual behaviour, no inappropriate comments

and when you sit, use a towel. Understood?

Yeah.

Change room’s behind you.

Thanks.

(light music)

Oh, God.

It’s like they’re taunting me.

(chuckles)

I’ve always wanted to join a nudist colony.

Apparently, it’s really relaxing.

Yeah. I am so relaxed right now.

Well, you’re gonna draw more attention this way.

You could at least try. - This is me trying!

Can you see anything? Here, let’s do this.

Well, the pamphlet said any coverage is

too much coverage, so...

You look great, by the way. - Thank you.

(laughing, chattering)

(light music)

Companion basket...

Okay, where... Where’s your CI agent?

Isn’t she supposed to meet us here?

Yeah, she should be here somewhere.

She’s really tight with that Jeff guy.

- Can we trust her? - As much as you ever can.

She was the sister of a drug dealer,

she turned her entire family in for a shorter sentence

and she did about six months in jail.

Now, she’s out, trying to turn her life around.

Her name is Lena or Lana.

- Layna? - Layna!

(Layna): Hey, I know you. - Hi.

I’m sorry, but we can’t trust her, we can’t use her,

because I arrested her. - Can you trust me?

You turned my life around.

You got me out of my sister’s clutches, so...

I’m happy to help, seriously.

You’re not supposed to be wearing a towel.

You know what? Fine, fine, fine.

Just please make the introduction and then,

let’s just get out of here, okay?

She seems cool. Go with it.

(indistinct chatter)

Okay, eyes on Jeff, he’s over by the hot dogs.

(humming)

Has he confirmed he’s gonna sell us a gun?

Well, he doesn’t confirm anything,

he’s smarter than that. He’s agreed to meet.

You’re ready for the introduction?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, Jeff, babe. - Hey.

- How’s it going? - Lay-lay, where you been?

You know, you and Naz have a lot of similarities.

Did you guys have a good sex life?

We’re not having this conversation.

Right.

Well, these are my friends

that I wanted to introduce you to.

Oh, you stick out like a sore thumb.

Textiles, eh? People who prefer to be clothed.

Take a note from everybody here.

Towels are for sitting, not covering.

You don’t see me wearing sofa cushions

to cover up, do you?

(awkward laughs)

We go back to the trailer and chat?

- Yeah. - Okay, after you.

Okay.

(siren in the distance)

(Kelly): How you doin’?

Man, what... What happened?

You had a seizure.

Yeah, you were on some messed-up drugs.

We, um...

found this in your pocket.

Purple Rain.

Helps me study.

Mm-hmm.

I feel really focused.

You know, I just...

I just sprinkle a little bit in my coffee.

- Hmm. - It’s amazing.

Seriously. So then, I said, I’d...

You know, buy more to share with my study group

and then, this morning, I tried snorting it...

That’s the thing with these new synthetic drugs, Ray.

The so-called manufacturer can’t be relied upon

to be consistent. Plus...

The effects are completely different,

depending on how much you take, or how you take it.

You... You want to tell me who you got it from?

I never met the person.

I just... send an e-transfer and then, get a text

of where to pick it up in a mailbox on campus.

What mailbox?

Uh, well this time, it was in the area

where the professors’ offices are.

In a mailbox, number 514.

And when did you pick it up?

Monday morning, 9:30.

Think I got there a few minutes later.

You bought these drugs for your whole study group?

Yeah.

We’re all freaking out, falling behind.

I... bought some for everyone.

Your study group including Tueli?

Yes.

Yeah.

(soft music)

Kelly, hey. How’s Ray?

Ah, they’re gonna keep him in the hospital tonight,

but he’s gonna be fine. How are you feeling?

Okay.

Yeah, okay. Uh...

You don’t need to look after me, I’m fine.

Nathan will be back soon, so...

Tueli, uh...

Tueli, can you sit down?

I’m really tired, I should go to bed--

Tueli, please.

Can you look at me?

I said, look at me, Tueli.

Look, we did this your way. No cops, just friends.

So, here we are. Friends.

(sighs)

Ray gave that stuff out to everybody in the study group.

Did you take any?

No.

But Ray’s been fine until now.

His grades went up, he’s been writing amazing papers.

You have no idea how much pressure is on me right now.

I have to get my scholarship renewed for next year,

if I don’t, I can’t come back.

I’m doing my master’s program, I’m being a TA,

I’m spearheading two community organizations in my spare time.

You don’t get it.

I’m about to snap.

And you will snap if you rely on that stuff.

Do you get that?

(soft music)

Thank you.

(sighs)

You’re nicer with your clothes on.

(laughs)

(sighs) - Please don’t tell Nathan.

He’ll tell my mom.

They’ve been having dinner together like,

once a month and I swear, if he tells her, she’ll freak.

You’ve been getting together with Nathan and your mom, lately?

Just like, the last six months, maybe.

Since I started school.

Alright.

Look, I gotta get back to work, okay?

But I’m glad you’re... doing alright.

(soft rhythmic music)

Well, thank you so much for your help.

(sighs)

(groans)

Bad news. Our little Monday morning drug drop

is a dead-end, literally.

Mailbox 514 belonged to one Dr. Topper Levenson,

who passed away nine months ago.

So, unless Dr. Top Lev is selling Purple Rain

from the great beyond...

Someone else might have coopted his mailbox.

It could be anyone.

Yeah.

Top Lev.

Top Lev.

Levenson. Ray.

Didn’t he say something about a professor Lev?

Psych 100, that’s what he said.

(keys clacking)

Guess his TAs must have continued teaching the course

after he died.

There are two of them. V. Sawyers and J. Maleki.

As in Veronica and Jody.

You think they still have keys to his mailbox?

Uh...

Well, according to this, Jody was teaching

the Abnormal Psych tutorial last Monday morning.

But guess who had that Monday morning off?

Veronica Sawyers.

Leaving her free to deal some Purple Rain.

Love it. Love it!

(soft music)

(door opens)

Veronica Sawyers.

Hi, detectives.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, we’d like to know where you were on Monday morning.

This past Monday? I was here.

I was giving my famous APA citation demo.

It was pretty lit.

Really? Because the work schedule says

that you don’t work Mondays.

Normally, no. Uh...

This past week, Jody begged me to cover for her.

She said she had a flute recital of her niece’s she had to go to.

Jody did?

Yeah.

(sighs)

Who has a flute recital at 9 AM?

(sighs)

There.

There she is. Jody!

Can we talk to you?

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Jody, stop!

(gasps)

Jody Maleki, you are under arrest.

For what?

This is harassment!

For this! Purple Rain.

I never meant to--

Cause us any sorrow? Tell it to the judge, sweetie.

Hands behind your back.

(bird cawing)

(Jeff): Layna tells me you two ladies

are looking for a powerful weapon.

Thing is, I’m having trouble imagining what a couple

of sweeties like yourselves want with a machine gun.

First of all, we’re not that sweet.

Speak for yourself, I’m pretty sweet. Me.

(chuckling)

Sweetie so shy, she won’t even drop her towel at a nudist camp.

Uh...

Well, no, I’m not shy. It’s just, um...

Like I have a... Like, a B12 deficiency,

so I have a hard time just keeping my hands

and really thin feet warm.

We’re here because, well...

We need protection.

Oh.

Hey!

What’s going on?

Many seeds are germinating. Physical seeds.

Plants, trees, seeds in my mind, not to mention the seeds

of this undercover play we’re on.

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Where are we at? What’s the progress?

Standby. I’m on it.

They’re in the RV with Jeff.

I do know that.

(sighs) - Okay, I need to get closer.

- Oh, mm-hmm. - It’s not clothing optional.

Yeah, sir, I am a cop

and you have a guy in there, selling guns.

Where’s your warrant?

We don’t have one.

We need to know the guns are on the premises.

You’re welcome to enter the premises

if you remove your clothing first.

Or are you saying that the rules don’t apply to you?

Look, I can’t go in there naked.

The rules state you can wear clothing for safety,

but it cannot be sexual in nature.

That shirt, it’s very sexual. - What...

Too sexual, take it off Kelly, let’s go.

Is that fanny pack for safety?

Yeah. - It’s where I keep my golf balls.

(groans) - It’s a good shirt.

Suits your eyes.

Move.

(intriguing music)

I don’t buy you two as a couple.

Well.

Okay.

Listen, the truth is...

Sarah and I, we dated the same guy.

I mean, not at the same time. I dated him first,

then I broke up with him first, then she started to date him.

Then like loads of other people started to date him.

And then, I was like, "Oh my God, am I crazy

for breaking up with this guy?"

And they’re all having this really sexy and exciting

polyamorous relationship and I’m just like... Ugh.

You know, like ugh, like Plain Jane.

And then, we decided to invite her

into our polyamorous relationship.

Right, you did. Thank you.

And weirdly...

I don’t know, it just...

I think it really worked for me. So, it was like, me,

him and her, all together, and loads more people.

Why not me?

The thing is, there’s just... some unsavoury people.

Okay, not that I think that polyamory is unsavoury,

because I don’t.

Well, there are some people who don’t have respect

for polyamory and they tend to get a little aggressive.

Not aggressive, confused. Confused.

Some of them have been known to show up armed.

Seriously?

So, if I want to walk a guest to the door,

I would make sure they take me seriously.

Yeah.

Okay.

(groans)

Here she is.

Wow.

Yeah, well, 3K should do it.

(sighs)

Show me the money.

Okay, okay. Hang on a second.

Why are you guys inviting people with guns to your sexy soirées?

Like, can’t you figure out a way to vet them in advance?

Your body, your choice!

Yes.

It is.

(chuckles) - I get it.

It’s a cover story. This isn’t real, got it.

What do you mean, cover story?

I didn’t say cover!

Jeff, I said...

Lover! I mean, lover of guns, clearly!

Are you a rat? - No!

(dramatic music)

(yelps)

GTPD, drop the gun now!

Purse pistol against a machine gun? I like my odds.

How about two purse pistols versus your machine gun?

Put it down slowly.

(groans)

Thanks a lot.

Slow, get your hands up.

(brakes squeal)

At your back, Kelly.

Hands behind your head, Jeff. You’re under arrest.

Ow!

(light music)

Do you know what kind of charges you’re facing?

(chuckles)

I mean, considering my immaculate record

and the fact that it’s a first offence, I mean...

Please.

Alright, listen to me very carefully.

Alright?

This Purple Rain stuff, it’s lethal.

If that kid Ray dies, you’re looking at manslaughter.

Oh.

Uh...

Well, if I give you my supplier,

could that help lighten the sentence?

Well, it definitely wouldn’t hurt.

Okay, so... I get the product

through a network of gamers called The Replicants.

They sell exclusively through an online chat room.

Battlebender. - Yeah.

But then, a few days ago,

the whole operation went offline.

So, I was about to meet with my contact,

Jake Mardy,

and he was going to tell me how things are moving,

now that the game’s been shut down.

Jake Mardy?

(sighs)

Hey. That was a crazy day.

(sighs) - Yeah.

I know we haven’t had a lot of alone time,

and Tueli is not helping that.

And I cannot put her out.

I’ve known her since she was a baby. So--

No, I... I get it.

So, will you come home with me tonight?

I don’t know. Are you gonna invite me to your next dinner

with Tueli and Vanessa?

(sighs)

Yeah. Caught wind of your date night.

Unfortunately, it didn’t come from you, though.

Kell, I have seen them literally three or four times,

tops, in the last six months,

because Tueli is coming to school here in town. That’s it.

Yeah, so when I asked you if you had anything else

to tell me, you didn’t think this was a thing?

No, I guess I didn’t think it was a thing.

Nathan, you know I have trust issues.

It doesn’t take much for me to turtle.

Is that what’s happening now?

Are you turtling on me?

All I’m saying is...

(sighs)

I’m gonna spend another night at my friend’s house.

Bye. - Kell--

I’m sorry, Kelly...

(sighs)

(knocking at door)

Who goes there? I’m just kidding, come in.

Hey, how are you doing?

Hmm. I’m fine. I’m in my pajamas, my underwear, socks.

I’ve never been so grateful to be fully clothed.

I just wanted to say thank you for letting me crash here.

Are you kidding me? I love this.

(gasps) Hey, wait, are you tired?

Hmm, not really.

(humming)

Come on, come on, come on. I have been craving this

since Dack Adams talked about it yesterday.

He described a gory murder scene and your takeaway

from that was, "Damn, I gotta get me some of those chips"?

Oh my God, like, it wasn’t that gory.

Come on, we’ll watch Bridgerton season two.

(sighs)

Alright, move your ass on over.

Yes! Yes.

(sighs)

Hey, are you okay?

Yeah, I’m fine, you know, it’s just... Men.

Oh, men. (imitates retching)

You know what? And women.

Ugh! Really, right? And people, really.

People. (groans)

- Blah! - Not to mention this job.

Oh my God, I can’t even talk about work right now.

Okay, everything just makes me sick.

Yeah, me too. Except for these chips and you.

(soft music)

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