Original subtitles

[a cappella group vocalizing]

[breathing heavily]

[dog barking on distance]

[sighs loudly]

[woman] I'm all set.

And my room's�all cleared out.

Have you decided what to do with it?

Well, I'd like to put a treadmill in there.

Ah. That's a great idea.

But your mother wants to keep it as it is.

She's waiting for your life to completely fall apart,

so you'll come home and she'll look after you until the end of her life.

-No, no, that's not true. -Kinda sad, Dad.

-[Mom] Mm. -You're telling me.

[woman chuckles]

Okay. I'll load up the van now.

[pleasant music playing]

Hey� Oh.

No, come on, I'm smiling.

[pruner snipping]

Anna!

Oh, Loredana, hi.

Believe me, in two weeks' time you'll be happy they're out of your hair.

Though I know how you feel now.

When Maya left home, and then Pietro too, it was such an emotional time for me.

Mm.

Intimate.

Yeah, yeah. Intimate.

Times like these are intimate, yeah.

-Yeah. -There we go. All done now.

But at least you'll be back soon to watch soccer with your Dad, 'cause I�

I mean, if I have to I will, but I'd rather not� [chuckles]

Yeah, Mom, I'll be back.

-Okay. -[Loredana] Uh, excuse me!

But I really don't understand why you wanna move to the city

when it's so nice here.

What the hell?

-Bye now. -[man] Bye.

[woman] Bye, Mom.

-Bye, Mom. -[Mom whimpers] Aw.

-[chuckles] -[Dad kissing]

Right.

Hey! Hey!

Uh, tomorrow I'm making lasagna. You wanna stop by?

CAR AND VAN RENTALS THROUGHOUT ITALY

I'm� I'm just kidding.

-Just kidding� -Oh, come on. Whatever.

[contemplative music playing]

[engine starts]

[pleasant music continues]

[a cappella group vocalizing]

[church bell tolling]

15 MONTHS LATER

[church bell tolling]

[breathes deeply]

You know, Emilio and Alessandra,

they only call me when they need something from me now.

They wouldn't even show up for their aunt's funeral.

Mm-hmm. Ah. She was just another old lady to them.

They saw her three times, hardly knew her.

Mama, I'm sorry, but she was still family.

-Stay strong, hon. -Carlo.

Hi there.

I'm so sorry.

And it all happened so unexpectedly.

She gulped down whiskey like a fish for 90 years.

She was bound to croak soon.

Hey, Alessandra, how's she doing?

-Haven't seen her in a while. -Oh, yeah.

Great, yeah.�Unfortunately she was not�

Well, she wasn't able to make it today because she had a� a job interview.

Oh, an interview! That's great! What is it?

Uh� [chuckles]

No, she didn't tell me, she's superstitious. [chuckles]

Heroine dealer.

[chuckles awkwardly] And what about Emilio?

He had another funeral� more important one.

He couldn't make it.

-Can we please get out of here? -Yeah, I'll catch up.

Her doctors keep switching her meds on her,

so she's really been on an emotional roller coaster.

[laughs] Okay. See you, Anna.

-[Anna] Ciao. -Bye, Anna.

-Beautiful daughter. Hold on to that one. -[woman] Yeah, okay. See you later.

-[Anna chuckling] -Ciao.

[pensive music playing]

[Anna on phone] W-W-Wait a second, okay? Thanks. Thanks. Uh, listen�

-You there? -[Alessandra] Yes, yes, Mom, I'm here.

Ah, great.

I ju-- I just wanted to tell you

that Dad and I can't wait to get together and celebrate your birthday.

[sighs] Me too.

[Anna] You know what I'm making for you?

Stuffed guinea hen.

Mom, please, seriously. You know I'm vegan now.

Oh come on, honey, it's your birthday,�though!

Okay. Whatever. Fine. I'll see you tomorrow.

Ale, I also just wanted to say,

I saw your profile picture on WhatsApp, and�

it looks a bit like an ad for a Colombian brothel.

Mom! Jeez!

No, I mean, of course it's beautiful, because you are.

But do you have to use that one?

What� What the hell are you talking about?

To be posing half naked in front of a mirror with your mouth all�

I mean, I don't get it.

It looks like your lips are being sucked out by a vacuum cleaner.

Mm, 'kay, I'll see you tomorrow.

So tomorrow what time are you coming?

At 1:30?

Can we make it noon instead? Uh�

So we can spend some time together, and you can help me.

Okay, then. Okay, then.

-Bye. See you tomorrow. -[Anna] Bye, hon.

-Bye, Mom. Bye, I have to go. -[sputtering] Also� Honey?

Uh�

[whimsical music playing]

Hi there, Emi.

So, hon, there's been a slight change of plans,

because your sister said she wants to come at noon, not 1:00.

So, you might as well come then, too. Right?

Come on, so we can be together for her birthday, it'll be wonderful.

Honey, I'll be expecting you, okay? So make sure you're there.

'Kay, honey, bye now.

THE RESISTANCE

-[egg beating] -[snoring]

[classical piano music playing]

Yeah, it was awesome, we should totally go there again.

-[loud dance music playing] -[people cheering]

[applauding, cheering]

I love you, baby.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

[classical music playing]

-[loud dance music playing] -[all cheering]

THE TRUE ITALIAN ESPRESSO

[classical music continues]

[footwear clatters]

[grunts, exhales]

[birds chirping]

[clock ticking]

-[slams table] -Fine.

Cleaning up now.

[sighs]

[plates clatter]

Look, Anna, I'm not willing to sit and starve

just because you're feeling pissy.

-[plates clatter on table] -No, not pissy at all.

Come on, m-maybe they've just�forgotten, or just got home late--

Carlo, give me a break, okay?

Hey, they're just kids! It's only in their nature.

They all leave their parents eventually.

Not to mention that in your family's specific case,

in all likelihood they can't stand your company.

Gee thanks, Mama.

[Carlo sighs]

[Anna] Please don't call her again. Stop calling her. It's so humiliating.

[sighs]

[footsteps approaching]

Don't� Don't act like such a baby!

I made this cake for her, so I'll do what I want now.

-But what if they come later? -No, they won't,�though. Mm-mm.

If they do show up, they can eat out of the garbage, just like rats.

[pleasant music playing]

[door slams]

-Hi. -Hi.

-Just waiting here for Maya. -Ah, how nice for you.

Oh, and your kids? Aren't they coming for lunch now?

What?

[Loredana] I thought it was Alessandra's birthday today.

Oh yeah, impressive memory. [chuckles]

And she's not coming to celebrate? [sighs]

No, because she says she doesn't want me to have to do all this cooking for her.

She's gonna take us out somewhere. She wants to surprise us.

Oh. How nice!

Well, because you know, eating at home all the time can get a bit tiresome.

-You know how it can be. -[horn honking]

Well, we like it.

-[horn blaring] -Hey! Hey! Hey, hey!

You Southerners, you really do learn how to�honk

before you even learn to walk, huh?

[car doors closing]

[Loredana] Hi, honey.

Ooh! Maya must be pregnant with another one!

No.

Uh, no?

Ah, that's my bad.

[chuckles weakly] See you.

[chuckles]

["Soy Infeliz" by�Lola Beltran playing]

[in Spanish] ? I'm unhappy�?

? Because I know you don't love me� ?

[in English]�Hey, so where exactly are we meeting up with Emilio?

At a bar close to his office.

Just a quick drink�though, because, uh, he's going to a dinner.

Well, since we're quite close to Alessandra's house,

why don't we invite her? Maybe she'll join us.

Yeah, fat chance.

Let's try. Why not?

We can try.

-[dog barking in distance] -[phone line beeping]

[in Spanish]�? I'm unhappy ?

? Because I know you don't love me��?

-This one? -There she is. Right there.

See, she's smoking! That liar! She swore to me she quit that.

[phone ringing]

[disconnects call]

-Hey, see the face she made just now? -What face, huh?

A face like, "God, that pain-in-the-ass is calling again."

-Stop with the nonsense. No. -No?

Whatever.

Hey, come on.

[phone ringing]

[groans]

See that? See that? See that?

-Ah. -See that face?

Hi, Mom, what? I'm working right now.

-Are you smoking again? -[exhales smoke] No.

No, I'm not smoking.

Mom, what do you want?

It's just that we, uh� we're in the area to have a drink with your brother, so�

-Yeah. -Yes, but I'm wo--

Oh, Mom. I, uh�

I won't be able to come home for Christmas.

I completely forgot to tell you.

-What's she saying? -What are you saying?

It's just that Rocco and I are going to Paris.

I'm sorry, Mom, I totally forgot to tell you.

[sighs]

-[Carlo sighs loudly] -[Alessandra] Hello? Mom?

Hey, Mom?

Let's go.

-We're here. Uh, we could say hi, though. -I said go.

-Let's go. -[engine starts]

[in Spanish] ? I�m unhappy ?

? Yes, because you don't love me ?

? You think that I have to die�?

? That four drinks�?

? "Barman let me pay them"�?

? Are enough to soothe this pain ?

[in English] So you know what puts me in the Christmas spirit this year?

-No. -It's hopefulness.

My hope that Rocco will soon dump our daughter

and that she'll come crawling back begging us to comfort her.

Ah, crawling, huh? Very Christmassy.

And then she'll try to come in and�

and you'll say to her with your loving smile,

"Uh, no. Darling, I'm so sorry.

But your mom and I aren't just here to wipe your ass for you anymore."

Mm, maybe you'll tell her that, huh?

[Emilio] Good evening.

-Hey! Hello. -Hi, darling. Hello.

[exhales] I made it.

Oh, here. These ones here are�

-These ones here are ironed. -[Emilio] Oh, thanks.

Careful, don't crease them.

Thanks. And these ones are my dirty shirts.

If you have them ready before�

-Wednesday, that'd be perfect. -[Anna] Yes, yes.

And dry cleaner's out of the question, huh?

Yeah. With the salary I get�

What, whining about money to your mom and dad now?

No, no, no.�Uh, Azeglio is my boss.

-These are my parents. -[Azeglio] Good evening.

-[parents] Good evening. -[Azeglio] My pleasure.

Yeah, I managed to figure that out. Nice to meet you. Congrats on your son.

[Anna] Oh, thank you.

Congratulations, because it takes two really selfless people

not to have given him up for adoption. [laughs]

Am I right? [laughs]

I'm kidding around.

Don't drink too much, we have that call with the Americans in an hour, okay?

That's tonight?

No. When I say "in one hour," I mean in one hour,

but not today, tomorrow.

Oh, okay.

"Okay" what? It's tonight.

Come on, wake the fuck up! It's tonight, okay?

-Tonight� -Come on. Let's go.

-Have a good evening, bye. -[parents] Yeah.

-[Azeglio chuckles] -See you later.

[Emilio sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

Don't worry about it, Mom. I'm� I'm used to it by now.

That guy there?

No, I don't care. I wasn't thinking of him.

-What? -[breathes deeply]

No, your sister.

What's happened to her?

Well, she's not having Christmas with us this year. She's going to Paris.

Oh wow, what a bitch, huh?

Well, I wouldn't use that word. But that's the general idea.

And what will you do now?

What do you mean by that?

I don't know. Alessandra won't be there for Christmas.

And I also sort of accepted an invitation Uh�

-Wh-- What-- -[Emilio] So I'll be gone.

I'll see you after�

Hey, but I'll be there, with Mom and Grandma.

-They care-- -[Emilio] Don't worry.

We'll have a nice Christmas dinner on the third, the fourth of January. Yeah?

-What do you think? -Where are you going?

You heard him. There's a conference call, and�

I'll get the shirts.

Uh� There.

Bye, Mom.�Bye, Dad.

-Honey� -[Carlo] Bye.

[Anna] Hold on.

So Christmas is canceled?

So what? We'll have a nice Christmas dinner on January third.

Date doesn't matter, huh?

Is Christmas in January now?

Plus, after Christmas, all the lamb is discounted.

They practically give it away, really. Yeah.

[gentle holiday music playing]

Well, what do you want me to say, huh?

[rumbling]

-[man] Damn, you suck at this! [laughs] -[woman] Aw, come on.

Hey, look who's talking! You look like a clown.

Going out looking like that! The hell's that sweater ?

-Actually, I gave it to him. -Ah.

My dad got it while he was in Lapland.

Well, no, if you'd mentioned Lapland,

I'd have said it was perfect in that context,

since that sweater's perfect�

Anyway, how's your dad been?

He's good. Well, he and his girlfriend have been traveling a lot.

And Carlo and Anna? How have they been doing?

Yeah. Mm� Well�

I don't know. They're mad I'm not coming back for Christmas.

For the first time ever, I haven't heard from them in a week, you know.

How are they?

-Oh, no, I haven't heard from them either. -Oh, really?

Well, hey, you guys, it's normal.

Well, no. Not for them,�though.

It's never happened before. It's not normal at all.

-No? -Mm.

Yeah. Besides, I won't be there for Christmas either.

-Wait. You're joking. -Well�

You're not the only one�

Nothing.

Mom's not answering, neither is Dad.

Call up Grandma.

-[relaxing music playing] -[phone vibrating]

-[Grandma] Yes? -[Alessandra on phone]�Hello?

Grandma? Hi, it's Ale.

Were you still sleeping? Am I disturbing you?

No, no, I wasn't sleeping.

-Yes, you're disturbing me. What is it? -[Alessandra] No. No, nothing.

Well, I'm just here with Emilio, and�

[Grandma] Yeah, who gives a shit?

Grandma! Hi!

So listen, what's up with Mom and Dad, huh?

Because recently they're not calling or answering their phone,

and we haven't heard from them. Are they okay?

More than okay. How would you feel if you were them?

I guess old and bored?

Hey, don't be such an idiot.

Come on, I highly doubt they're bored, after what just happened to them.

Uh, but why? What just happened?

[Grandma] Oh, how odd.

They didn't tell you?

Uh, they inherited money from Aunt Tea.

Your mom was always so good to her, she really deserves it.

-Who the fuck is Aunt Tea? -But what did they get from her?

Oh, they didn't tell me. It's a lot, though.

Ciao, darlings.

Yeah. Ciao.

-[chuckling] What-- -Ah, that old hag from Ceccano.

Huh?

[joyful music playing]

PROMETHEUS

[phone line ringing]

Nothing. Not responding.

They won't answer my calls, not my messages either�

-What's that? -[Emilio] My parents.

They're usually clinging to me like leeches, and now they're�

Are your folks clingy, too, like you're still a ten-year-old?

Mm� Well, actually, my parents died when I was 12.

-Ah. -I miss them terribly.

I'm sorry.

So you should insist. Keep calling them.

-At least while they're still with you. -[door opens]

Did you seriously work all night long on this?

Finished this morning. Yeah.

Oh.

I think you must've passed out around 2:00, 2:30.

You had a nightmare, and in that nightmare you were an idiot.

Then you suddenly woke up� [laughs]

�and wrote it all down, in black and white here.

Am I right? Huh?

[laughs]

You gotta redo it by tomorrow morning.

Come on, wake the fuck up! Wake up, dude!

-I can't take this much longer. -[woman] I understand.

If I were ever forced into the "Emilio zone,"

I'd cut and run too.

-There's gotta be limits. -What's the "Emilio zone," sorry?

Oh, no, it's�

It's just this dumb thing that Marzio�

Um�

I understand perfectly. I get it.

[sighs]

[a cappella song playing]

[engine turns off]

[Alessandra] You bastard!

[Emilio] Oh. What do you want?

So you lied, huh?

"Let's go together tomorrow, I'm gonna be working all night."

Well so? I just finished early. And you? What's with you?

Well, my brother's an asshole. The usual.

Shut up.

Hey.

[sighs]

Now, I think we should make a point

not to mention the inheritance at all, okay?

-Let them bring it up. -But why?

Otherwise, they'll know that's why we came over.

[Emilio exhales]

[doorbell rings]

-[Carlo] Oh! -[both] Hello!

What a surprise, huh?

-[Emilio chuckles] -Surprise!

You weren't answering the phone, so we came to track you down.

-We wanted to see you. -[Alessandra] You disappeared.

-Come on! -[Anna] Hello!

[Alessandra] Hi, Mom!

-[Anna] Hey. -What were you up to?

-Me? Oh, I was just making dinner. -[Carlo sighs]

And� Well, you wanna come in?

[Emilio] We'd love to! As long as we're not bothering you, eh?

But of course you aren't. Hey, come on now!

I happen to have some wine, I brought it for you.

-How's that look? -So you were able to find your way here?

-Huh? What's that? -You remembered the address, huh?

-[laughing] Ah. -Ah.

-We got a comedian here. -[Alessandra] Okay.

Hey, I'm so sorry, I really wasn't expecting you,

so this is all I've got for you.

Are you kidding? Come on,�Mom. That's plenty. Don't worry.

[Anna] Well, not really.

[Alessandra] It's so beautiful. What is it?

[Anna] Yes. Well, I thought I'd cook up a nice giblet pie.

The filling contains some browned chunks of chicken heart meat,

some liver, tripe, too.

Comb of the rooster, and the wattle.

-May I serve you? -Yes. Yes, yes. [chuckles]

Not a vegan anymore?

Yes, but on special occasions, I don't, uh� I don't�

-Mm. Pass this to your brother. -[Alessandra] Sure.

Try this wine, here. The guy from the wine shop recommended it.

He said it won "bottle of the year" in Abruzzo.

Ah, is that true? [laughs]

[Emilio] Here you go.

How's that? How's that? Huh?

Mm! Like a shit smear.

[laughing] No, I'm�kidding. It's good. It's full-bodied.

-"Full bodied." -[Carlo] Thank you.

-[Anna] So, how are things with Rocco now? -Yeah, fine.

-As usual. -[Anna] Oh.

And have you been thinking about adding a�

Well, something to make it less "usual"?

Come on, you know Alessandra can't stand talking about these things, Anna.

No, no, no, no, Dad. It's fine. No.

I'm open. I� I actually enjoy discussing this kind of� these topics with you.

Although, having children, ooh, can be so expensive now. You know?

Very costly, no?

-[Anna] Mm. -Oh, and,�Emilio, uh, what're you up to?

-Me? I work, work, work, wo-- -Mm.

But I'm not all that happy there.

-But one has to pay the bills somehow. -[Alessandra] Mm.

[Carlo laughs]

-Since money doesn't grow on trees, huh? -[sighs] No, it doesn't.

And how have you been? Hmm?

-Good. We've been really great. -Mm-hmm.

Fine as usual.

Oh, I've decided not to go to Paris!

My Christmas trip was� was�

Well, it got canceled, so I'll be here, with you.

-Amazing! -Oh! My God!

-[Carlo] Yeah. -I'll be here too.

-Yeah? -[Emilio] Mm-hmm.

-You too? -Not because of a cancellation, though. I�

I intentionally chose to spend my Christmas with you all.

Call me immature if you like,

but I can still feel that umbilical cord firmly attached to mom.

-The umbilical cord, hear that? -Mm-hmm.

You're being a little�

a bit creepy.�A little�

You shut up. Eat your rooster wattle there. [chuckles]

[a cappella song playing]

-Thank you. -Ooh, that gave me a little heartburn.

[yawning] I just got so sleepy�

Excellent. Thanks a lot. It was a great night.

-Bye-bye. -[Anna] Bye. Good night.

-[Alessandra] Bye. -Good night.

[Emilio] Thanks again, Mom and Dad.

-Shall I call you tomorrow? -Yes.

-Yes, yes. -Okay, okay.

-Good night. Go on, it's cold. See you. -[Carlo] Bye. Bye, guys.

-[Anna] Bye. -Uh� Sorry. I was wondering, uh�

-How'd it go, the service for Aunt Tea? -[Carlo] Oh�

I'm so sorry that I missed the funeral. Wish I'd made it.

It was nice, very moving.

And the whole family was there, everyone except you.

Unfortunately, look, when I heard about it,

I felt this pain in my chest, and I just couldn't make it.

And I was just too emotional, you know.

Yes, same here.

Even if we didn't see her very much, but I really and truly loved her.

Yes, I was always very fond of Aunt Tea. Yeah.

Ah!

Oh, yes. [laughs]

We completely forgot to tell you two.

She actually left us quite a bit of inheritance.

-Quite a huge bit. [chuckles] -Mm.

-Ah. Oh yeah? Is that so? -How much?

[both] Six million.

-Six, imagine that. -[chuckles]

[Carlo chuckles]

[laughs] Well, it's good, no?

-It's better than a kick in the ass, huh? -Yeah.

[all laugh]

Uh, six million is� is a lot of money, to spend, though.

It's not easy, I mean�

No, in fact, I was thinking of donating it, actually.

Considering how Aunt�Tea was so generous.

She'd probably want us to give it away to the needy, you know.

-Here. I'm needy. -[Carlo] We're still figuring it all out.

-No, I was joking. -Yes, it's all in the bank, nice and safe.

-Okay. Bye, kids. Bye. Ciao. -Well, good night. You must be cold.

-Maybe tomorrow we could grab something-- -[Anna] Yeah. Bye!

["Dancing in the Moonlight" by Toploader playing]

Damn, huh?

Sh!

Yes! [squeals]

Stop that! No!

-[Alessandra] Stop! -Shut up!

? We get it almost every night�?

? When that moon is big and bright�?

? It's a supernatural delight ?

? Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight� ?

[bottles hissing open]

To six million.

[Rocco] Not bad, huh?

Do you realize I'll be able to say goodbye to this shitty life of mine!

You mean your life with me?

No. No, babe, it's not about you.

No, when I say shitty life, I'm mainly talking about my job.

Ah.

You work with me.

Yeah. All I'm saying is that perhaps I'll have a chance now

to understand what I really want to do with my life,

without obsessing over money. Yeah?

[Rocco] You're right.

But maybe you should do it regardless of the money.

After all, it's your parents' money, no? [chuckles]

["Dancing in the Moonlight" continues playing]

-[turns off music] -[Alessandra sighs]

-Damn, honey! -[sighs]

Why the fuck couldn't you just try and support me?

Couldn't you just say something in support,

"Wow, so cool! Six million! Let's fuck now!" Huh?

No.

-But does it count if I say it now? -[Alessandra] No!

-One more round�for everyone! -[all cheering]

No, no, Marzio! Not you. Not you.

-Marzio, you pay for yourself. -[people laughing]

You can pay. You can pay.

You see this, Marzio?

This is the new "Emilio zone."

You're never gonna get in here!

[people cheering]

Now let's all toast to Aunt Tea!

[all chanting]�Aunt Tea! Aunt Tea!

Aunt Tea! Aunt Tea! Aunt Tea!

They don't wanna be around us anymore.

When did this�happen? What did we do?

'Cause I just really didn't see this coming.

We used to do so many things together.

You remember Greece, hon? All of us in a tent together.

-[Carlo inhales deeply] -Hmm.

We could do nice things together, the two of us now.

You think? Like what?

Stuff like getting undressed, lying down�

An MRI?

Don't be morbid, Anna.

Look, Carlo, really, I'm just not in the mood to celebrate anything.

Let me remind you, we haven't done it since Halloween,

a year ago, maybe more.

A year?

That's all?

My performance, if you recall, was remarkable.

Solid work. Stamina.

[sighs loudly]

[inhales deeply]

-[Anna] And by the way, you were right. -About the kids?

Yeah, about the fact that they'd show up just because of the money.

[Carlo sighs]

Imagine when we tell them it was all a lie, though.

They'll disappear from our lives forever.

Hey, good riddance. Those kids are such assholes.

Yeah, I know, they really are.

[tuts]

At least we'll have Christmas together, like you always wanted.

Yes. All of us together for one last Christmas.

-[Carlo] Mm. -[phone vibrates]

[Carlo exhales]

Ooh, ooh!

A message from Emilio.

-[gasps] "Mom and Dad, I really love you." -Mm.

-Oh, honey, you know that� -That they're assholes.

-Mm. -Though� it still feels nice, you know?

I mean�

[sighs]

But how can we make them believe that we're millionaires now?

Hey, don't worry, I have it planned out.

-You do? -Yeah, you'll see.

["Heart Of Glass" by Blondie playing]

What about this one here?

-It's pretty flashy, huh? -How about this one?

-[chuckles] -No, no.

? Once I had a love and it was a gas ?

? Soon turned out had a heart of glass��?

-Huh? -Perfect!

? It seemed like the real thing But I was so blind ?

? Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind�?

? Lost inside�?

? Adorable illusion and I cannot hide�?

? I'm the one you're using Please don't push me aside�?

? We coulda made it cruising, yeah�?

-[Carlo] Can I get in it? -[man] Knock yourself out.

-[Carlo grunts] -[Anna] Hey.

[grunts]

How do you feel in it?

You'll need a hydraulic pump to suck me out of here.

But it feels like heaven, huh?

-[man] How long you wanna rent it? -Uh�

Well, until Christmas.

Okay.

And� what kind of insurance should I pay you?

Let's just say, you damage her,

I'll cut your balls off and feed 'em to the dog.

That's� That's quite reassuring to hear.

-And that's a high deductible. -[Carlo] Uh-huh.

[woman] So, you're supposed to leave for Amsterdam on Thursday

and return on Monday.

-Okay. Fine by me, no problem. -[knocking on door]

Yeah? Come in.

Great. Here he is. Come, come.

Anyway, no problem at all.

-Here? -[Azeglio] Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

-[Azeglio] So? -Mm.

-[Azeglio] What's up? -Huh?

So how are you?

[inhales sharply] Oh, I'm fine. All good, thanks, yeah.

Listen, I really wanted to let you know� I've noticed great improvement from you.

It's about time, you know?

-[laughs] -[chuckles softly]

And I do take partial credit for this improvement of yours,

because without those daily incessant injections

of intense frustrations that I give you� [inhales deeply]

�you wouldn't have, let's say, improved. You know?

I don't know.

Well, I know.

Anyway, that's not the point.

What I wanted to tell you is that you're improving finally.

And so finally,�I can offer you a position as a�

a partner.

Mm? We'd be partners. That sound good?

-Are you serious? -[Azeglio] Of course I'm serious.

I'm done trying to mess with you.

If you want, now,

it's me and you who'll be messing with all the others.

You know? [laughs]

Well, it wouldn't be that bad.

Obviously, you'd chip in a small amount, let's say, just a small investment

to become a partner, just as I did, way back when I first started here. Hmm?

Of course. Of course.

There. Also, because I know�

I mean, I heard that�

[phone ringing in distance]

[breathes deeply]

Rumor has it you have the means, now.

-So� -Oh, I get it, I get it.

However, that money's not even mine. It's my father's.

Uh, and he's a very�

very self-restrained person, to say the very least.

Let's just say he's the kind of guy

who puts money under the mattress his whole life.

-[car engine revving] -[horn honking]

[engine turns off]

Well, looks like he pulled a few bills out from the mattress, huh?

Oh, wow.

Holy shit.

[Carlo] Hi! Come down. Yeah!

I can't believe it!

[Carlo] Believe it.

Is it yours?

-Let me try it. -What, you crazy? I'm breaking it in now.

-Come on, please, just a ride! -Get in, I'm driving it.

Come on. Go!

Look at this little thing!

Come on, don't hump my Ferrari!

-Ah! -Don't act like a peasant!

Hey-- Everyone's watching.

Come on, we'll make a fool of ourselves.

[grunts]

[engine revving]

[pensive music playing]

[horn honks]

Would you stop touching it? Stop that. You're ruining it.

-[Emilio] How am I ruining it? Come on. -You're ruining it.

[tires screeching]

Mm, give me a call back around 3:00 today.

Okay, then. All right, good.

Thank you. Thanks a lot.

Hey, I already told you. You can only take one lollipop.

You've had three already.

Sh--

[door opens]

[Anna in singsong] Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God. Mom, what--

What are you wearing?

Uh, uh,�it's snakeskin.

It's super soft. You wanna feel it?

[Alessandra] No, I can imagine.

Four thousand euros.

Ah.

I saw an ad for an apartment for sale around here.

It's just to die for.

Oh, so did you decide to make an investment?

No.

It'd be more like a gift, hon.

I think you'll really love it.

Would you like to come along?

Yes! Yes, yes. Gladly come.

Anyway, you guys can handle everything here, right?

You guys?

Yeah, you.

Sorry, do you seriously expect me to fill cavities here in reception? Uh�

Yes! Well done, great idea. Bye now!

-See ya. -[door slams]

[Emilio] My boss has invited me to play golf with him next Saturday.

He says he'd love if you could come too.

-[scoffs] But he barely knows me. -That's the point.

-It's a chance to get to know you. -Ah.

I don't know how to play, though.

No, don't worry about that.

We'll just walk around on the green, you know.

-We'll hang out a little bit. That's it. -Ah.

Listen. Uh�

Take this check here.

Put it in the glove compartment. I don't want to carry it around.

It's for the WWF.

Your mom and I are trying to save a little island

where six otariids are living.

-What the fuck are otariids? -"What the fuck are otariids?" [chuckles]

It's a sort of endangered seal, which lives in the Gal�pagos!

Seventy thousand euros for these otariids?

Seventy thousand euros.

Look, what's happening to them is so heartbreaking.

And you know, your Mom is obsessed with charity, now.

She's such a darling, a real darling.

-[car thuds] -What's that?

It's the car. The car is� It's rebelling.

And this is the terrace. Very spacious and very quiet out there.

We have on staff gardeners, who tend weekly to the grounds.

Anything you need, just give us a call, and we'll be here to help.

-Wow, it's truly so beautiful. -[man] Yes.

-And how many people will be living here? -Well, two or�

-Perhaps, who knows, maybe three� -[chuckles]

-Four, or even five. -[phone ringing]

[man] Excuse me, one second.

Hello?

-Do you like it? -Yes, I really do! Yes, yes!

[inhales] It's so beautiful, really. It's gigantic.

Truly, though�

But can you imagine living here? It must be�

Listen, I wanted to tell you, um, I quit smoking.

Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. That's great.

But one more thing, though�

I stopped taking my birth control.

-Have you really? -Yes. [chuckles]

Oh, honey.

-Oh, since when? -Today. [inhales sharply]

Starting today, I decided I'm gonna stop now.

I'll just focus on doing things properly.

Yeah.

Wow, will you look at that?

Great.

All this is going to be very useful for the physiotherapy.

Sure, we'll have to install handrails, so the old folks won't slip and fall.

Mm.

What old folks?

The ones who'll come and live here.

-Ah. -Yes.

Well, because I'm going to be taking over Aunt's Tea work with this organization.

They provide housing to low income elderly people who need a place to stay.

You know, and lonely people who're neglected by their family.

Mm. But, Mother, really?

You have no idea

how many asshole�children leave their parents

and just abandon them.

[inhales deeply] Just such a sad thing.

[whimsical a cappella music playing]

[Anna] You should have seen her face

when I told her that that pool was meant for the elderly.

[laughs]

You're monsters, you know that?

Mm. We are?

-They are the real monsters, Mama. -Mm.

They've neglected her for years.

-They treat her like shit, you know? -No, we're treated like shit.

-Yeah, but you're the one who gets upset. -Mm.

-[phone ringing] -Sh, sh, sh, sh!

[whispering] Alessandra.

Oh, honey, hello!

Uh, just at the church right now, here with Father Ciro.

Yes, because, um, I'm giving him a donation for�

for his mission work in Nigeria.

Sure, of course.

Yeah, where? At Shedo's?

No, of course. No need to ask me.

I won't even sit down if a place isn't Michelin-starred.

Well, hon, see you tomorrow.

Bye, bye, bye. [chuckles]

"I won't sit if it's not Michelin starred?" That's so disgusting!

Look, I'm starting to think you've gone too far.

'Cause revenge can be a little bit like getting too drunk.

When you need to stop, you're just unable to.

But of course. Because getting drunk feels so damn good, Mama.

-[Grandma] Cheers. -[glasses clink]

Hi, Lori.

-[Loredana] Hi. -Hello!

You know, I'm heading to the city to meet up with Ale.

Oh, how great!

And Carlo's off to play golf with Emilio.

Yes, I'm gonna go swing some sticks around as they say in golf lingo.

The kids show up quite a bit more often these days, don't they?

Oh, yes, they're like leeches, aren't they?

Yes, but we have fun though.

We like meeting them in the city,

because having them here for lunch as usual,

was starting to get a little boring, yeah.

But I understand� [laughs] �that some people like that.

Sure, I get it. Uh, yes, I�

[grunts, chuckles]

Uh, yes. Uh� [grunts]

What are you doing, the limbo?

[grunts] I said to him,

"You should get a SUV instead,

because if I have to lie down,

I may as well do it�on my sofa in the house."

But when it comes to cars, men can be so picky!

Vincenzo really isn't interested in cars at all.

He couldn't care less for them.

Oh, well,�good thing,

because with that Polish minivan you've got there,

if he cared he'd have killed himself.

[laughs sarcastically]

Honey, you're getting nastier and nastier, you know?

[engine starts]

Ciao!

[engine revving]

[gentle music playing]

-Here's your table. -Thank you.

[waitress] Would you like an aperitif?

Yes. Two, uh,�Dom P�rignon. S'il vous plait. [chuckles]

-Merci. -[chuckles] Just to celebrate.

What's wrong?

It's really been ages since we did something together.

Just us two.

You're exaggerating.

No, it's true.

I promise that we'll do this more often.

[breathes deeply]

I'd like that.

[birds chirping]

What's wrong?

What do you mean?

It's just that sometimes you� [chuckles]

�have the expression of a stupid pigeon,

as if you're about to speak, but then you say nothing.

-A pigeon, you say? -[Azeglio] There he is.

[Emilio] Dad! Here.

Now, let me do the talking, okay? I'll finagle him.

-Yeah, but this is my father, you know-- -[Azeglio] I know, I know.

I� I meant "finagle" in a good way. He'll make a lot of money.

And plus, I said I'll finagle him, not fuck him over, okay? [laughs]

Well, hopefully not.

-Good morning! -Good morning.

-Sorry I'm late getting here! -[Azeglio] No worries.

-You remember my boss? -No bosses here.

-Nice to meet you. Azeglio de Frescobaldi. -Nice to meet you.

You can call me De Frescobaldi.

Carlo Delle Fave. You can call me Delle Fave.

[Emilio laughs]

What are you laughing at? You're a Delle Fave.

Ah. It's nice, here, isn't it?

-You like it? -[Carlo] A lot.

[classical music playing]

Millet tacos�with celery and turnip pur�e, and asparagus from Cantello.

Cantello!

Marinated pumpkin tartare with garlic slices and pink grapefruit.

Beetroot crackers, with cucumber mousse.

Salicornia salad with milk cream.

Smoked potato spaghetti with locally-sourced bell peppers.

Yellow cherry tomato pesto.

Mandarin tarte tatin.

And a Pop Art torte called "Dreaming of New York,"

an homage to Andy Warhol.

[waitress] There you go.

-Did you enjoy it? -Very good, thank you.

Yes, yes, thank you.

Well, what can I say?

Thank you.

-Thanks to you. -[Anna] No.

No, no. It's all thanks to you, really.

Maybe we can do it again, if you want.

Whenever you want.

And plus, when you go out for a meal, you should really enjoy it.

You should live it up, you should spare no expense.

I'm off to the bathroom now.

Don't even wanna know how much you're spending here.

I might faint, I swear.

Thank you, honey.

[whimsical music playing]

-[Emilio] What an amazing shot. -[Carlo applauding]

-Bravo. Bravo. -[Azeglio] What, are you surprised, now?

-No. -[Azeglio chuckles]

So Emilio mentioned that you received a nice�

Let's say an unexpected gift from life.

Well, from death, I'd say.

Of course. It's all the same to me.

Life or death, as long as someone coughs up the dough. [laughs]

[Emilio chuckles]

[Azeglio] Anyway, if you want, we could have a chat later,

because if that gift of yours is not unwrapped and is left sitting around,

well, it's as useless as a limp dick.

Am I right?

-You're a poet. -[laughs]

-Why don't you take a shot? -No, thanks, I don't know how.

Of course you can. It's easy. Come here. I'll show you. Here.

What a little dickhead, this guy! [smacks lips]

[in French] You don't go alone?

Yeah, I'll go alone.

-[men continue speaking French] -[in English] Excuse me.

Excuse me.

[man in French] Tell me.

[in English] Um, listen.

Uh, so by any chance, can I pay with meal vouchers? The "Ticket Restaurants"?

No.

Oh, no. Of course not. [chuckles]

I'd have needed three hundred of them, anyway. So� [chuckles]

All right. I'll pay by check.

-Relax. -Yes, relaxed.

Now you widen your legs.

-Pelvis. Yes, a bit more pelvis. -I got it. I got it!

-What's with this guy? -Just�

Like I said before, regarding that gift, uh, if you chose to donate it premortem,

it's much better in terms of tax benefits, eh?

Sure, like parent-child relationships. They are better premortem, too.

[all laugh]

[groaning]

[screaming in pain]

[Carlo] Oh my God. Oh my God, did I hurt you?

-[continues screaming in pain] -Huh?

[whimpering]

[spits] Look.

[sobbing] You really clobbered me!

-[water pick whooshing] -[Emilio] Ouch. Ouch.

[Rocco] All right, all right. I'm almost done.

All right then. Next week, I'll put in the temporary implants.

And then, the permanent ones.

[Emilio spits]

[slurring] We have to talk to Mom and Dad now.

Huh?

[enunciating] We have to go talk to Mom and Dad right now.

They're squandering the whole inheritance.

The Ferrari, the fucking charities. There won't be anything left for us.

It's still their money, though. Isn't it?

Yes, I know. But if you get six million,

I mean, and your kids need help, you don't give them a single euro?

Come on. Do you know what I could accomplish with two million?

[squeals]

Yeah, but why two million?

Because two for me, two for Emilio, and two for them.

They're a couple, it counts as one person.

-Yeah. -[phone ringing]

Wait.

[Emilio] Who is it?

-That's mom now. -[Emilio] Answer it.

That's what I'm doing.

-Hello? -[Anna on phone] Hi. How's Emilio doing?

-Like, pretty shitty. -[Alessandra] Well, he's in pain.

He's really shaken up, too, yeah.

[Anna] Mm.�Well, Dad feels very guilty.

I can imagine. He was already socially awkward before.

It'll be even worse now without his teeth.

What the fuck?

[Anna] So, I was going to say, Dad and I wanted to see you both.

How about we have lunch at Piero's on Sunday?

So we can talk about everything, the inheritance, and� and�all that.

Okay. Great, so then I'll see you on Sunday.

-[chuckles] I love both of you. -I do too!

-I love you more. -[Anna] Bye.

Bye.

-[Emilio] Finally, huh? -Yeah.

[sighs]

After lunch, I'll go and return the car.

Maybe I'll let Emilio drive, so he'll be happy.

It'll help soften the blow.

We could've at least waited until Christmas, come on.

Look, the other day Emilio's boss was all over me asking for my money.

I didn't know what to do. I can't push this further.

And how are we gonna tell them? Hmm?

I don't know.

We'll just say, "It's all a big lie. It was just a joke."

It's not like we killed someone.

Yeah. Plus, look, we need to have a real talk, you know?

Because we're a family.

They really can't just keep treating us like we're doormats.

"Pay this. Uh, wash this." Like we're their servants.

Yes. There they are.

You really busted his face, hon.

Oh, please, if I hadn't told�you you'd hardly have noticed.

-Hi, Mom. [chuckles] -[Anna] Sweetie.

Your teeth?

Oh, Rocco will give me the temporary ones in two days.

-[sighs] I'm so sorry, son. -No, don't worry about it.

What�

And anyway, this golf game is for stupid people.

Why the hell do they give you these long dangerous iron sticks,

It's so obvious that�

someone'll get hurt, you know?

Giulia! We're all here.

[indistinct chatter]

Listen, can you get us four linguine Piero, to start with?

-That good? -Perfect.

Thank you.

[Anna chuckles]

-Mm. -It's all you.

-You sure? Not you? -Hmm.

[chuckles] You're so much better at this maternal stuff.

[Anna] Yeah, nice try.

Oh, what's this?

Oh, we're already celebrating, huh?

-Uh, yes, because� -[laughs]

�it's just a little gift for you. An early Christmas thing.

-What a nice smell. -The suspense! [chuckles]

Well, it's the same amount for both, so there won't be any jealousy.

Yes, the ATM gave us different bills, but the sum is the same for both.

[chuckles]

Yeah.

It's 150 euros.

[Anna] Listen, kids.

[breathes deeply]

We played a� a little prank on you.

-Oh. [laughs] -Oh, I see. I see. Right.

We were actually discussing it between us,

like, "Damn, they're stingy! Keeping it all for themselves."

But in fact� Okay. [chuckles]

[Emilio] Listen, anyway, so all pranks aside, uh�

I was thinking of opening a bank account with my share. What do you think?

No, I don't think you understand.

All we're able to give you is�

is this here.

What?

Let's go.

Yes, if I stay one more second, I swear I'll fucking lose it at you!

Hey, don't exaggerate, now, okay?

Are you serious? 150 euros? You can fuckin' keep it!

-How pathetic! -You're the pathetic one.

You've become disgustingly greedy! And with your own kids, even!

What kids? Those who only show up when there's money?

Oh, no, stop it! None of this guilt-tripping!

Was it so hard to help us out?

Help you out? We've never done anything but help you!

-Oh! -Let's just go, huh?

Just let them live their millionaire lives alone.

Better off alone than with two selfish dickheads like you!

I'm gonna bust his molars too.

[upbeat music playing]

[Carlo] We gave them everything.

Changed their diapers, and paid vacations, university.

We made so many sacrifices and now they call me stingy.

Well, you can't exactly blame them. They think we inherited six million euros.

Is it their money, though?

No, okay, but 150 euros for Christmas,

I mean, it's true we could've done a bit better.

-Oh yeah? -Yes, you really are a bit stingy.

Stingy? I'm just frugal. Not stingy. Hey--

Emilio makes 2,000 euros a month, and that's more than my pension.

And she makes a thousand for doing nothing. Come on!

[sighs] You know what? Christmas without them would be a relief.

Listen.

[grunts]

Listen, Carlo, don't you even joke about that right now.

Some idea you had! Look at the mess you've made of this all.

I made? I did all of this for you!

You were obsessed. You couldn't stop talking about them.

Couldn't you just leave these kids be, instead of playing the victim?

This goddamn stupid Christmas is driving me insane!

[sighs]

Here's what we're gonna do.

I'll go talk to Emilio, and you'll talk to Alessandra,

and we'll explain everything calmly.

They'll understand. It'll work out.

I don't want to have Christmas without them.

Mamma mia! What a pain in the ass!

[sighs]

[Azeglio] I made him pay.

-Was that wrong of me? -[man] No.

[Azeglio] Yeah. You mess up, you pay up.

-Am I right? -Yeah.

-Here you go. -Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot.

Listen, Ezio,

since all your colleagues hate you, how about you pay the bill?

Perhaps this way they'll like you a little bit more, eh?

-Okay. -[all chuckle]

Am I right? [laughs]

-Let's say, "Thanks, Ezio." -Thanks, Ezio.

[Azeglio laughs]

[horn honking]

[engine turns off]

What are you doing here? I was going back to work.

Rocco fixed your teeth?

Too bad, you were cute, kinda talking like a hamster. [laughs]

Something you wanted to say?

Nothing. I wanted to say hi and, uh, make peace.

You wanna go drive?

No. You're throwing me a bone?

Come on. Let's chat a little bit.

Plus, I have something that I want to tell you.

Delle Fave.�Hi there.

-[Carlo] How are you? -Fine. Haven't heard from you.

Eh, it's, uh� It's complicated right now,

-So many things to sort out. Uh� -Sure.

Well, you could have told me.

-I made you and Emilio a great offer. -[sighs]

I'd have appreciated at least a� a yes or a no. That's all.

Yeah, you're right.

Of course, expecting anything from Emilio here,

would be pretty fucking stupid.

You know? [laughs]

[doorbell buzzing]

[sighs]

[sighs]

Hey, honey?

Can I come in?

No, I don't want to see anyone.

I just have something important to tell you.

I brought you a gift.

No, I don't want any gifts from you.

[Alessandra sighs]

Are you going somewhere?

Oh, no. I'm moving out.

But what's going on here?

What's going on, Mom, is that I'm a giant loser,

No, that's not true.

No, it is, Mom. It's true.

Honey, come on.

[gasps]

Would you give me a hand?

No, try and sit on it.

[Alessandra sighs]

Ale.

Rocco doesn't love me anymore.

In fact, he despises me now.

All because of this fight with you.

It seems you've all ganged up on me

to make me feel like I don't deserve anything.

[breathes deeply]

[sighs] What did you want to tell me?

Huh?

You said you came here to tell me something.

Can you tell me what?

[thunder rumbling]

[Carlo groans]

-My goodness. -Honey.

[Carlo sighs]

-Hi, hon. -Well then? How did it go?

[sighs] It's all settled.

And how did he take it?

Well, we talked, we found some common ground.

You know, we're all to blame in this mess here, you know.

-Oh, yeah, yeah. -He's the first to admit it, though.

And anyway, I didn't tell him, in the end, that�

that the inheritance was a bullshit story.

-What do you mean? -[Carlo] Well�

We talked about our relationship, which is the most important thing. Uh�

Oh, well, it sure is, yeah.

And I promised him 200,000 euros, to become a partner.

[thunder rumbling]

-Are you stupid? -Huh?

Where are we getting 200,000 euros?

Well, fuck if I know!

Did you see Alessandra? Did you manage to, uh, tell her?

Oh. Yes.

[Alessandra] Hi, Daddy.

[Carlo] Hi.

Is dinner ready?

[Anna] Well, almost.

Oh. We decided that I'll come back and stay here with you. Oh.

-Ah. -[Alessandra] Isn't that nice?

Yes.

Yeah, so I can help you figure out what to do with all this money.

Yeah.

Mom is getting stressed about being a millionaire.

It's too much for her.�You know?

-She needs our support. -Yes, we'll support her.

Too much money. She's stressed out. She's stressed out.

[pleasant music playing]

Make sure you don't mention the� the whole inheritance thing, okay?

Why not?

Why? Because when it comes to money, people pounce on you and never let you go.

Especially relatives, you know.

[indistinct chatter]

Good evening. Here we are.

Good evening.

[laughing]

You're really sweet. Thank you, my dear.

I haven't seen everyone together since the funeral, you know.

[glass clinking]

Excuse me. Excuse me. Uh� I'd like to make a quick toast.

What a drag!

[Anna] Yes, exactly!

I had actually prepared a very emotional speech,

but then, given your notorious sentimentalism,

I thought, "Mom is going to cry too much,"

so I've�chosen to put that aside,

and I'm only going to tell you� Mama, I really love you.

[all] Aw.

All the best, and happy birthday, Giuliana!

-[applauding] -Yes. Cheers!

-Happy birthday. -Cheers, everyone, cheers to you!

[laughing]

-Anna. Anna. -What's up, Matteo?

Anna, it seems that you saved up all your most touching

and heartfelt words for my mother only.

Wha-- What's that? Everyone here loved her deeply.

What are�

I mean, she left me barely any money.

-But here you are with your Ferrari. -Uh� Uh�

Please don't do this, honey.

And anyway, where did she get it, all that money?

Huh? Tell me that, at least. Anna, tell me!

She must have got it from Bisacci.

If you hadn't objected to her relationship with Bisacci�

But� What are you talking about? Mom never had any kind of affair.

[exhales]

Plus, you weren't even in the will, were you?

So what did you do?

What did you do, huh?

I mean, did you make her write a private agreement on her deathbed?

-[people gasp] -Carlo?

I� I've lost my napkin.

Uh, well, no, no, no, it's not what you think, Matteo, sorry, okay?

-No? -Oh, no? Then what is it?

[chair scraping on floor]

Anna must have sent over her husband. Her husband did the dirty work.

First with that�Bisacci, and then Carlo.

[people murmuring]

So then Carlo was fucking her as well, yeah?

[people gasp]

What? Are you all crazy? Me and Bisacci?

Who the fuck is Bisacci? Seriously, who's that? Huh?

Teo!

-[Teo] Where'd you put the money? -See?

-Come on now, hold on! -Whoa!

-[woman] He's gonna beat him. -It's a party.

-Stop him! -Teo!

-Move! Move! -[Emilio] Stop this.

-[grunts] -[all gasp]

[breathing heavily]

-[a cappella song playing] -[dog barking in distance]

[Emilio] Nice and easy.

-I'm gonna sit there, okay? -Yes.

[Carlo exhales]

[breathes deeply]

Okay.

-Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! -Easy.

[exhales]

[inhales deeply]

[groans]

If I ever have a family,

I don't think I'll be able to do all you've done for us.

You'll see, when you have your own family, it will come natural to you. [laughs]

I don't know.

I'm not sure even six million dollars

would convince me to sleep with Aunt Tea! [laughs]

What, so you're a moron, too?

-Unbelievable. -[chuckles]

[Anna] Honey, how are you feeling?

-Like a train wreck. -[Anna] No, please, don't play the victim.

-Are you decorating the tree? -[Anna] Mm-hmm.

It's snowing out!

[happy music playing]

How nice. It hasn't snowed here in ages!

[gasps]

What? Snow?

-Yes. -Fuck, I came on my moped.

Well, why don't you both just spend the night here? Why not?

We'll decorate the tree together.

I'll make some hot chocolate for all of us. With whipped cream.

-Hmm? -Yeah. Why not? [chuckles]

[laughs]

Mm.

Mm.

-What is it? Huh? -I'm so happy.

-[chuckles] -[Emilio chuckles]

[Anna] Hmm.

[gasps] Oh, look at this one.

This jacket would be just perfect for her.

Okay, but how much is it?

[sighs] Would you please stop talking about money?

Anyway, this thing has�to stop.

I mean, we literally� we just can't afford it anymore.

I know, we talked about it already. Just until Christmas.

I know, but at this rate,

we'll have to start selling our organs to survive until Christmas.

Stop being such a damn joy-killer! I said just until Christmas.

Is that too much? Is that too much for you?

You scare me, you know that?

Look at that one! [gasps]

Let's give them two vouchers for a Caribbean holiday next summer.

It's pretty easy to get those vouchers.

It's a Versace. Should I get her this too?

So she can pair it.

Mm. Does Versace take vouchers?

How about this wrinkled one? Maybe it's a little cheaper.

[cheerful music playing]

-What could come after five stars? -Ah, bankruptcy.

Paradiso.

-Hey. -Nice place here.

-Isn't it? -[Carlo] Hey.

-How are you doing? Good? -Fine.

-Good? -Yes.

[sighs]

I made up with Rocco.

Ah!

My love, I'm so happy for you.

-Well, he's a wonderful guy. -Yes.

We're not together, though. We just made up.

Because I realized I want to find my path.

I want to figure out my dream, my ambitions.

What ambitions?

Mine.

Really? I didn't know.

Yes, I know you think I'm an idiot,

and that Emilio is the only one who'll succeed.

-No. -No, Emilio won't make it either.

-Hey, come on! -[laughs]

Anyway.

I want to open a tea salon now.

Tea room and bookstore. I've already found a spot!

Oh.

It's so wonderful to see you so excited about something.

Very exciting.

Plus, I decided to move out of your house.

I don't want to risk the quicksand effect, getting too comfy and stuck there at home.

-I can understand that. -No. No, but why? Uh�

Uh, well, but where will you go, anyway?

Well, here. I got a suite.

But it's so comfortable at home, the three of us.

It's only for a couple of days.

I'm already looking for a small flat. You know, something,�uh�

And, well, I can pay for it if you can help me.

Uh� Uh�

Uh�

Give me the checkbook, I'll sign one.

It's just that I don't know if I have it on me.

-You always have it. Give it to me. -But I changed my jacket.

Give it now.

-[chuckles] What luck, I have it! -Told you.

[both chuckle]

[Carlo] I have a pen, too.

[Anna] Honey, how much do you need?

Well, you know, I need to leave a deposit, so, uh�

You wanna buy the suite?

No, b-but for the tea salon.

[Carlo] Ah.

I don't know. Ten? Twenty thousand?

I know you gave 200,000 to Emilio, so�

-No, but it's�just that��just that� -No! We talked about it, but then�

-[laughs] �we didn't. -Mm-hmm.

Forty? So I won't have to bother you every single month

asking you for money transfers.

No, you're not bothering us at all.

In fact, if we spread it out, we'll see more of each other.�[chuckles]

[solemn music playing]

[sniffles]

Forty, then.

-Forty, yes. -Yes.

Okay.

-It's missing a zero there. -Mind your own business.

-[check ripping] -There you go.

[chuckling] Thank you.

[whimsical music playing]

Careful, it's slippery.

Heels in the snow!

[coughs]

[man] Welcome!

I'm so glad you guys called me. How have you been lately?

[chuckles] Not too bad. How are you doing?

Doing good, doing good. Please, why don't you follow me to the parlor?

That way, we can talk more privately. Please come this way.

I didn't know there was a parlor. [chuckles]

Only for special clients, you know? It's a secret.

-Like a Batcave? -Exactly.

And you're the Bruce Wayne of Speroncello. Yeah? Right?

[chuckles] This way.

I don't want to be disturbed for half an hour.

-Parlor? It's his office. -[man] Okay.

Okay then. What can I do for you today?

Well, we'd like to�cash in our life insurance policy

and transfer it to our account.

And� And then? [chuckles]

And, uh, that's it.

Uh, and then we'd like to empty out the account, too.

But� You� But why?

Well� It's a personal matter.

You're switching to a big city bank, I imagine.

No.

Where you feel more comfortable, you and your Ferrari.

But those banks don't know you.

You are small town folk, coming from� from� from a place where�

where the air smells of manure.

Am I right?

What are you saying? Have you gone crazy?

Ditching us after a trusted ten-year relationship?

What relationship? But� But remember�Sharm el-Sheikh?

When we had a credit limit, I tried to raise it,

and you told me to fuck off. What relationship?

Oh, no. I'm sorry, sir, but that's a lie!

I couldn't even afford to buy henna there.

We had to spend the rest of our vacation

cooped up in our room, eating bread and falafel.

Bread and falafel. So good, though.

Well, I'm sorry, but there are rules here, ma'am.

And rules must be respected! Okay?

No. And now you're gonna give us our money,

because as a millionaire, I won't be regulated. No rules at all.

And what's more, I can finally tell you little bank people

to go fuck yourselves.

Oh. In fact� Look here.

Take this right here, and go buy yourself a little class.

You boor.

I-Isn't that too much?

[chuckles sheepishly] Forgive her.

She acts like that because she's hot-blooded.

Two hundred euros. You don't deserve a tip!

[laughs] Take� Take care.

Uh, Anna. We've made fools of ourselves!

[gentle music playing]

WE LOVE YOU� MOM AND DAD

[Carlo sighs] There.

All right. This is all we can do.

They'll have to forgive us when we tell them the truth.

-You think? -[Carlo] Jesus!

[chuckling] If I got 50,000 euros for every time I was pranked,

I'd gladly be a laughingstock for life!

[Anna] Hmm.

[knocking on door]

Here they are.

I just bought the tea salon property!

-Huh? -I just bought the tea salon property.

We're actually signing the papers tomorrow.

Hello.

It was a real deal, you know?

Two hundred square meters near the station.

And the real estate agent said

it's the most amazing bargain he's ever seen.

-Uh� -Oh, wow, cool.

Four hundred thousand euros!

[both] Oh.

After this, I promise I'll never ask you for anything again. I swear.

And if you want to, you can give the rest of my share to charity.

[chuckles] If she doesn't want her share, I'll take it.

[all laugh]

-[Emilio] Dad, so� -Yeah.

I have all the documents right here,

so we can get started on the paperwork for the funding, okay?

What great news! [chuckles]

[Emilio] What's wrong?

-Mom, what's the matter? -[inhales deeply]

Enough. We have to tell you the truth.

Uh�

Carlo. We have to.

-Tell them. -[inhales deeply] Yes.

Tell us what?

Uh�

We can't give you any of the money.

There.

[Anna] Because�

[inhales deeply] Because your father�

Me? You, too!

�is very sick.

There. [sighs]

He has a terrible illness. Really, really bad.

Is it a tumor?

[Anna] Ah. If only.

Yeah, holy shit.

-[Anna] It's a rare disease. -[sighs]

And over in America, they've been looking for a cure, and�

But the costs are extremely pricey.

Extremely pricey.

So, right now, financially, we have to�

concentrate our energy�

on saving your father now.

Save me, please.

But I don't get it. What disease is it? What is it called?

-Uh� -[Anna] Mm�

No, It doesn't have a name, because they've only just discovered it.

-Yeah� discovered it. -Sorry, but how did you realize?

[breathes deeply]

[Anna] Mm�

-I was feeling� -[Anna] Yeah.

I was feeling weird.

You had vertigo.

Yes, but�kind of counterclockwise.

And with these p-palpitations� [grunts]

�on and off.

Oh, st-- stop it, it's just too disturbing.

[Carlo] Yeah.

Uh� Any-- Anyway�

apart from the trip to see doctors in America,

we plan on seeing doctors as well in Paris and Tokyo.

Uh, and Hong Kong. Hong Kong too.

-[Carlo] They're top-notch. -[Anna] Yes, yes.

Uh, but don't you worry, because we'll be back by Christmas,

because Paris is only�for two days, and then we'll celebrate together.

-We'll be here for Christmas, no doubt. -Yes.

All right. Anyway�

But this is all we can give you.

You're giving them money?

-Are you kidding? -Huh?

[Anna] Hmm?

We don't want anything.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Come here.

Let's all say a prayer for Dad now.

Yes, let's pray now.

[whispering] Drop dead!

[pleasant music playing]

-Now what? How you gonna fix this? -[faucet running]

If you had a better idea, you were free to express it.

Oh, an even better idea than killing me off?

[turns off faucet]

No, I didn't know what to say.

-Quiet down, the kids are gonna hear us! -[sighs]

Sooner or later they'll realize I'm not dying.

Not necessarily.

So you want to kill me? For one damn Christmas dinner?

Listen. We can just say that you were cured,

or that the disease suddenly went dormant.

-[breathes deeply] -[Carlo sighs]

-[grunting] -[Anna exhales]

[knocking on door]

Who's that?

[Anna] My darlings.

Still awake?

Could we maybe sleep in the bed with you tonight?

Like we did on Christmas when we were little?

-Mm� Yes, of course. -But we won't fit though.

Yes.

Well� let's just try and keep our spirits up, okay?

Even though it may be the last Christmas we spend together.

-Please! -Aw, Mom, don't say that.

-Ouch! Hey! -What?

I'm terminal and you hit me? Come on! Huh?

-Sorry. -Huh? Come on, now.

[Alessandra] Goodnight, Mom and Dad.

-Son, you need to shower, though. -[Anna] Yes, yes, yes.

-Come on.�It's unbearable, really. -Here.

Don't pull the cover, leave it.

-Goodness! Like a sewer in Calcutta. -Are you okay, there?

-[Carlo] Not the hand. -Ah, good.

-Not the hand. I feel crushed! -[Anna] No, don't--

Don't start stressing out. It's bad for you.

-[Carlo] But I can't sleep like this. -All right then.

-[Carlo sighs] -Give me your hand, honey.

-[Carlo] My goodness. -[Anna] Ah.

Let's sleep now. Come on.

Relax now. [breathes deeply]

[pleasant music playing]

[inaudible]

Okay. Perfect. Thank you.

-Thank you. -[kid] Hi.

Hello!

-How are you? -[kid] Fine.

Fine? What did you do today?

-[kid] I walked around. -Oh.

-Okay. The doctor is waiting. -Thank you.

-See you later. Bye-bye. -[kid] Bye.

[music continues]

So, are you still living at home?

No, I'm staying now at Mara's.

I thought that it would be better to leave Mom and Dad alone for a while.

[Rocco] How's your dad doing?

Well, he's� he's fine, for now, thank goodness.

But I have the feeling that he's putting on a brave face for us.

Anyway, now he's in Paris for a consultation.

Well, I'd really like to see him sometime.

You know what? Why don't we video call them now?

[Rocco] No, no, don't bother him now.

No, trust me. He'd like that.

Plus, I video call him, like, ten times a day,

so at least, with you here, you're giving me an excuse. Here.

-There they are. Ciao! -[Rocco] Hello!

-Hello! -Hi, Rocco, how are things?

-[Rocco] All good. Isn't Paris beautiful? -Yes. A bit cold, though.

How come no one's around?

Yeah, it's a bit quiet. Listen, how are you? And Emilio?

Ah. Um�

Didn't he tell you?

-[Carlo] What's wrong? -Oh, he just got fired.

But how come?

Yeah, I don't think he wanted to tell you right now, so you didn't worry,

but actually he's already looking for another job, so�

Yes, in the meantime, he's crashing at my place.

I'm� I'm putting him up.

I can't live without a Delle Fave. [laughs]

Let's call him now!

[Alessandra] Seriously, Mom, don't worry. Really, we're fine.

You enjoy Paris.

It's so nice to see you there, so happy together.

Come on, sweetheart, don't be like that.

Call him, please, so we can have a little� a little family call.

Sure thing. Wait, I'll try adding him now.

-Hey! -Hello!

-[Anna] Oh! -[Carlo] Oh, you're all there. [chuckles]

-Hi. How's it going there? -Fine, fine.

-I was just thinking about you. -Mm.

[Emilio] Listen, uh, where are you?

I stopped by the house to pick up a few shirts.

-Huh? -Uh�

Uh� Great. So w-- Okay, listen, we have to go.

[Alessandra] No. Dad.

-Wait, how did it go with Dr. Rholande? -Good. Great.

-Maybe I don't have shit. -Exactly.

What? You don't have shit? So, what?

Bye. Bye now.

Emilio?

What are you doing in Paris?

Bonjour.

-[Carlo exhales] -[Anna sighs]

[Anna] You'd both vanished.

We never got to see you.

Your mother was desperate.

And you turned a blind eye.

Then, when you said Christmas was called off,

you can imagine her reaction. She was distraught.

By the way, it was all his idea.

But you didn't object to it.

Anyway� [chuckles] �it started out as a game.

-Oh, a game, huh? -[Carlo] Yeah.

"Uh, wanna bet they'll come back to us if we have money?"

Well, you did come back!

We were planning to tell you after Christmas.

It was just so nice having you here.

What about Dad's illness? Was that a game, too?

[laughs] Well, yeah, thank God!

Uh, but it was your mom who made that shit up.

Well, because Mom didn't know what else to say.

Okay, but in the meantime, it really fucked up our lives.

For real, shame on you two.

-Well, come on, we only wanted to-- -To what?

To feel that you were still around.

[Emilio] Have a nice Christmas.

-[somber music playing] -[sighs]

Anna.

Don't be sad.

They'll be back, you know. Where can they go?

[music continues]

At least now you have a new purse from Versace.

Indeed.

[Emilio exhales]

I didn't even get to drive the Ferrari around town. Not even once.

Sorry, Grandma, but why didn't you tell us anything either?

God forbid I do that!

Never butt in on other's personal business, especially family's.

-You are family. -Yes, true. All the more reason.

Meanwhile, I lost my job.

Come on, you were dying to get out of there.

When you think about it, you're to blame, partly.

But mostly, they are.

Exactly. Thanks for that.

[exhales] Meaning?

Meaning, that I never would have wanted to admit

that they would actually have to pay for your affection. [chuckles]

They needed you so badly that in the end they were�willing

to ignore your indifference and frequent cold shoulders.

Thank you.

No, no, no, no, leave it.�Let me pay.

-No, please, Grandma. Let me. -[Giuliana] I'll pay for it.

With all the money I got from Aunt Tea�

I could buy out this restaurant.

Merry Christmas.

[gentle music playing]

[lights buzzing]

[lighter clicks]

Hi.

Hi.

So, you're already taking them down?

Huh? Uh�

Yes. Because now that we're no longer millionaires,

we need to save on electricity.

Oh. Yes, I heard about the� that prank of yours.

Well, not really a prank. Let's say�

it was more like a desperate attempt to get attention from my children.

[sniffles] I'm so sorry.

-[people cheering] -[bottle pops open]

How's your family doing?

I came out to smoke a cigarette, but I really just wanted a break.

Can you hear all that racket they're making?

[sighs] And my daughter-in-law is unbearable and can't cook for shit!

[chuckles]

Well, merry Christmas, then.

Merry Christmas.

[joyful music playing]

[engine turns off]

[dog barking in distance]

Can't you wait till tomorrow?

How come? What do you care?

-It's Christmas Eve. -[clicks tongue]

[Carlo sighs]

Listen, why don't we go to the beach for a few days?

No, it's too damp there.

[Carlo sighs]

How about Paris? Huh?

[chuckles]

Since we still have that consultation with the oncologist, Dr. Rholande!

-Mm. He's fallen terminally ill. -Him too?

-There's an outbreak. -Are you obsessed or what?

-[door latch clicks] -Hey. What was that?

What? What is it?

-Must be Santa. Better put out the fire. -[Anna] Hold on, hold on.

-Did you hear that? Hey, who is it? -Who's there?

-[footsteps treading] -[breathing shakily]

Who's there?

[Anna] Someone's here.

No, what was� No, no. No, you come here.

No. Where are you going?

Just come here. Come here.

[switch clicks]

-[Emilio] Merry Ch-- -[stoker clangs]

-[body thuds] -[Alessandra] Dad, what're you doing?

Are you crazy?

Honey, did your father knock out the same teeth?

-Come on. -Some ice should fix it.

First a golf club, now a stoker.

Hey, maybe next time you should, I don't know,

shoot me in the face instead, huh?

You snuck into the house like a thief! Come on.

A thief? With sparklers in their hands!

How would I know? First I see a glare, then a�

then a stranger's face,

a dick face with the� the satanic sneer, so I struck you.

It's basic survival instinct, you know?

Let's just say, this Christmas seems to have brought out the worst in us all.

Yeah.

But now we're� we're all here, the four of us together.

Honey, try to smile.

[groans]

[Anna] Oh, well, never mind.

Even if I can't stand you, I love you both.

You know, it's nice to hear it, once in a while, huh?

["Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" playing]

Hey, remember this one?

When you were children, I'd play this song and, uh,

we'd go around the house on a treasure hunt for Christmas gifts.

Now we can hunt for my two teeth. Who knows where they are.

What did you lose, a molar?

How the fuck do I know?

No need to get all pissy with me.

It's� It's Christmas.

It's Christmas.

[song continues]

[laughs]

[all laugh]

This rug has really never been cleaned.

Gross, it's covered in stains.

-So, what do they look like? -They're teeth! They look like teeth!

-[Alessandra] But are they white? -Not really.

? They're singing "Deck the Halls"�?

? But it's not like Christmas at all�?

? 'Cause I remember�when you were here ?

? And all�the fun we had last year�?

? Christmas�?

? Pretty lights on the tree� ?

What did you lose, a molar?

How the fuck do I know?

-Look for them. -[all laugh]

-[Alessandra] How did you realize? -Uh�

I was feeling weird.

-[Anna] You� You had vertigo. -[all laugh]

Fuck, this one's laughing.

-[Carlo] His name's Emilio, not Carlo. -[Anna] Your name's Carlo.

So, your sister wants to at midnight and not noon.

Let's do it again.

-It's been� years. -We are!

[laughs] Weren't you supposed to talk?

It's so soft. Wanna touch it?

-Anna. -Oh yeah.

-You look very pretty. Wow. -Yeah.

[Anna] Yeah, but we haven't said shit yet.

Oh, no, I got it all wrong. My bad, sorry.

[laughing]

I knew it. I knew it.

[exhales loudly]

[all laugh]

Racco fixed your teeth?

-[blows raspberry] -You were gonna say something else.

? Christmas ?

? But it's Christmas day�?

-? Please�? -? Please�?

? Please� ?

-[man] Okay, let's try that again-- -And now we're at the end.

[all laugh]

-? Please�? -? Please�?

-? Baby, please come home�? -? Christmas�?

-? Baby, please come home�? -? Christmas ?

? Please come home�?

[song fades]

[happy instrumental music playing]

[music ends]