Original subtitles

Sorry. Er, Professor!

Professor Thomas! Sorry.

Er, it's about the consultant interviews.

We had, erm, a... a meeting,

erm, for the consultant interviews. I'm one of the candidates.

Catherine MacDiarmid. I know who you are.

You were late.

And where do you see yourself in ten years' time, Jack?

Clinical Director of Surgery.

But I find myself increasingly humble about planning.

HE CHUCKLES

My day's been like dominoes.

One delay to surgery this morning, and I'm...

Oh, just seven minutes late.

PHONE RINGS

Nice shot, Alan.

Could I buy you a cup of tea, perhaps?

PHONE RINGING

Hadn't you better answer that?

I'd love the opportunity to tell you what I have to offer the trust.

Besides punctuality (?)

Planning is all well and good,

but what the last few years have taught me is adaptability.

That's what it's all about. I couldn't agree more.

Whoa! Good work, Jack!

PHONE RINGS

What is it, Lars?

'Just to say that the flight's all on time.'

Great.

THUNDER ROLLS

SHE SIGHS

DOG BARKING, PEOPLE CHATTING FAINTLY

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RADIO ALARM: 'Woman' by Little Simz

? I love how you go from zero

? To one hundred

? And leave the dust behind

? You've got this All action, no talk

? I see you glow You're the finest gold

? When you walk in the room They feel your soul

? Your style, it shines So ahead of time

? And you know that you're fire You're so damn fine, girl... ?

Jesus Christ.

Go on, in you go. Yes, you can watch TV.

Hello! How was Grandma's? Hello! That's a lovely picture.

Oh, my gosh, there's glitter everywhere.

How was Grandma's?

48 hours is definitely everyone's limit.

Could you just look after them for half an hour while I have a shower?

Yeah, sure. Actually, er, no. Can we just have a quick chat?

Yeah, sure. Thanks. Do you mind...?

MAN: Raz! Hello. How are you, mate?

Just give me a sec.

Maz. Have you slept at all today?

Oh, you were going in to fix me.

Less Ibadat, more like an appointment at the Genius Bar?

I needed to speak to someone, I didn't know where else to go.

I am not having this conversation in the street.

Fine. Let's go home and have it. I can't, I've gotta go to work.

You can't keep going in, Maz, you're not well.

Oh, don't be another person telling me how I feel.

Then you tell me. Talk to me. Why are you still going to work?

It's not just the job. You've never understood.

I really struggle with the saviour complex. What?!

There are other doctors!

The whole thing won't come crashing down if you're not there.

You've not seen the gaps in the rota this week.

Look, I understand you're punishing yourself

for what happened to that little boy.

Edward. His name was Edward.

You can say no to being kind to yourself,

to me, to our children, to that baby girl,

but you can't say no to that place, can you?

I don't understand that. I haven't said no to her.

I've said I need to get past the investigation.

They need an answer, Maz.

I'm not having this conversation in the street.

You can't keep choosing to be a doctor

at the expense of everything else, Maz. Please.

Maz?

What is it?

The other night, when I called you from work.

I know that you'd been...

Mummy! Yes, Maggie.

Can you just watch TV for a minute, please?

Can I have my hot milk? Yeah, in a minute.

Guy, I...

I know that you'd been drinking.

Mummy, I want a hot milk! Yes, in a minute!

It was half a glass of wine.

I think you need to ask yourself, what is this, really?

Mummy, hot milk! I'm making it!

You're lying.

I'm sorry? Your mother told me

she can't drink at the moment because she's on warfarin.

Plus, you need to learn to empty the recycling!

You weren't fit to be on call, Guy.

Mummy, it's the scary bit.

Please can you watch it with us? Yeah, course.

Look, here's your hot milk, OK?

Come on, I'll forward it on.

Guy...

Just talk to me, please.

You need help.

I do NOT need help. GLASS SHATTERS

It's OK. Just don't.

Just leave it.

What was that, Mummy? Fuck's sake.

It's all right, Mags. Can you just stay up there, please?

You done?

TANNOY: 'Flight RY35 from Shannon is now delayed by 25 minutes.'

Hi!

Oh, hi.

Hi! Aw, look!

Everything OK? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we had a great time.

Aw, I'm so pleased. You heading straight back?

Er, well, half an hour.

So...

You, er... all ready for tomorrow?

Absolutely. Mama's gonna smash it!

ELIS WAILING

SHE SIGHS

For protracted ileus,

mechanical obstruction should be excluded by CT scan

and underlying electrolyte abnor...

ELIS SOBBING

Come on. WAILING CONTINUES

Come closer.

Would you...? WAILING

Oh. No.

Oh! ELIS SCREAMING

RSV, RSV, RSV...

Ooh! Bronch.

Bronch is RSV. Just trying to liven things up.

Can I leave you with the labour ward bleep?

Who's eaten half of these?

Er, Susan, I-I can't do this tonight.

Well, Xavi's not sleeping.

You're not still breast-feeding, are you?

If you stop breast-feeding him, he will sleep through the night.

Look, I'm a reg down on the rota.

I can't cover every hole in the rota.

Well, the only other option's Mae, and, honestly,

I think it's too much responsibility for her.

She doesn't have the neonatal experience.

You have to tell someone. I can't.

You have to speak to his manager. He's putting people at risk.

This isn't an interview scenario, Jack.

When it comes out - and it always comes out -

and when they find out you've been covering...

I'm not... I'm not covering for him.

..you'll be the one facing disciplinary action.

He'll get rehab

and a weekly appointment with Occupational Health.

He's my husband.

If he gets suspended, then who pays our mortgage?

Who explains to my five-year-old

why Mummy and Daddy aren't living together any more?

But he can't keep drinking.

I know.

I-I know that.

Oh, I don't know what to do.

Sorry, I...

I don't think he's left you with much choice.

I know. I know. ELIS CRYING

I know. Oh, come on, Elis. Come on, sweetie pie.

Fine. Fine. I know. ELIS SPLUTTERING

I know.

PHONE RINGS

CAU.

CATHERINE: 'Her temperature is still 39.'

OK, Catherine, like I said before, it's RSV.

If she's struggling to breathe, then bring her in.

'Can I bring her in so YOU can tell me

'if she's struggling for breath?'

Look, I know this is scary... BEEPER

..but you're doing brilliantly.

'Can I push the Calpol to, like, every two hours?' No.

Mae, can you come with me to the labour ward?

If you're going, I need to stay. Take Simon.

WOMAN GRUNTING

SHE GROANS Don't touch me!

I don't want any of you touching me!

Calm down now.

Let's get these on you. Let us help you, Layla.

Oh, God.

I want her to stay in me! What's your management plan?

Can you feel another contraction coming? Er...

Layla? I know what you're doing. I know what you're doing!

Let NICU know to expect a premmie with prenatal drug use.

Er, suspected NAS?

So that they can start monitoring a-and the other stuff.

I don't want this! Which is what?

Stop touching me! Depends on the monitoring.

Stop fighting us, Layla. You're gonna hurt yourself and the baby.

What baby's... would be... L...

Lipsitz? ..Lipsitz scores are.

If they shows signs of opioid withdrawal,

treat with morphine. I'm gonna be a good mother.

You missed an immediate start on antibiotics

due to maternal risk factor of substance abuse.

We don't know what the substance is.

So call the NICU, look up the NAS guidelines.

Here comes another one, Layla.

Big push now.

LAYLA GROANS

Nearly there, one more big push. LAYLA SCREAMS

GROANING AND SCREAMING

LAYLA GRUNTS

Let me hold her! Don't... Don't take her away!

Calm down. Just give her back!

Please just let me have her. I'll do better this time.

Please!

Just let me hold her, please!

You know we can't do that, Layla.

Shall we try oxygen?

Yep. I'm her mother!

Who takes a baby from their mother?!

You bitch! OK, increase the pressure a bit.

Just get off me! That's it. Bitch!

LAYLA CRIES OUT

She's breathing. Well done, love.

Get the lines in. You did this! You took her!

And you!

I will NEVER forgive you.

LAYLA SOBBING

LAYLA SOBBING Please, please...

Get the NAS scores.

What, do you mean go with her now, or...

wait for 72 hours?

Dr Afridi?

BREATHING QUICKLY

Er, Dr Afridi, do you mean go now, or...?

PANICKED BREATHING

Maryam?

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

It's Laura from Theatres. Just letting you know

I've squeezed in an appendicectomy at nine,

'just in case you were aiming for...' Laura, what, sorry?

No, I'm not working today. I requested it as holiday.

Er, no, you're on today,

and you have an appendicectomy from the CEPOD list.

No, I filled out the holiday form.

'I sent it to you.'

I'm sure I got a response. Hold on.

ELIS BABBLING

Laura, help. I'm so sorry, it didn't...

Look, I can't work today.

It's interview day, my interview's at four.

They put you last, then?

Please, someone else has got to take it.

You've been begging me for the surgical hours.

Yes, just not today!

'There isn't anyone else, so unless you're ill...'

I'm really ill. Horribly ill.

I'll tell them you can't make your interview, then, shall I?

Hello?

How long's the list?

You should be done by three. See you in an hour.

I need you to pull it together. You can't be ill today.

? What d'you know about me?

? What d'you know about me now?

? What d'you know about me? ?

She was up a bit in the night, she's a bit tired.

Not temperature, or anything, probably just teething.

ELIS WAILS You know I'm a doctor, right?

Great. Yeah. OK, well, bye. Bye, Elis!

? What d'you know about me?

? Think you got the warning

? That's what you don't say... ?

SHE EXHALES

KNOCK ON WINDOW

She's got a temperature.

? What d'you know about me now?

? What d'you know about me?

? What d'you know about me now?

? What d'you know about me?

? What d'you know about me now? ?

I-I know that.

I know that, Mum. I really would...

Yeah. Yeah.

ELIS FUSSING

You hold her till I find someone else,

or you remove an appendix. Your call.

Mum?

Yeah, Mum. I'm begging you.

Please get on that train now.

HELEN: Is there enough milk in that for you?

We could, er...

We could go to the funeral place tomorrow if you're free?

Can we, like...

What's the word?

..burn her? SHE COUGHS

Not, like, burn her like she's a witch.

I was thinking we need to contact her dad.

Your dad. Tell him.

I'm not speaking to him.

He needs to know. He was her dad.

She wouldn't want him there.

It's not about what she wants any more, is it?

OK, I don't want him there.

SHE SIGHS

It wasn't your mum's fault.

Yeah, it were. We tried to help her.

You tried, I tried my whole life, did nothing but try.

OK, but your mum was like she was because our dad was like he was.

It's just cycles of this bullshit.

Exactly. It wasn't just her life she was tearing up, was it?

SOBBING: I can't believe this is happening to me!

Jessica?

I'm Catherine MacDiarmid. I'm your surgeon today.

I see you're struggling with the pain.

I'm meant to be getting married in 60 hours!

I'm literally meant to be at the tanning place now.

Do you have insurance?

No!

We're never gonna get the '90s band again!

Two years we've been planning this.

WAILS: It's the biggest day of my life!

It's not. Most expensive, maybe.

But I'm gonna have a scar!

It's keyhole surgery.

But you'll see it when I'm in my dress.

Oh, no, it will just be here, just a tiny incision...

You'll see what you had for lunch in that.

I wanna die!

OK, Jessica, that's enough!

You're gonna man up, we're gonna put you under,

and I'm gonna have you out of here by tomorrow

with some decent painkillers. Those and a glass of Champagne,

and it might just be the best day of your life.

We can still get married?

I've got my lucky pants on.

FAINT VOICES OUTSIDE

AEROPLANE OVERHEAD

You OK?

Please don't say anything to anyone.

'Hi. You've reached Catherine MacDiarmid.

'I can't take your call just...'

Hi, Mum, it's me again.

Be good to know where you are. Hopefully, you're in a tunnel.

I have a meeting now.

The interview is in an hour.

I'm not operating, fair enough, but I am an important cog

in this wheel of patient quality and care.

She's lovely, but it's also very hard to get anything done.

No, really (?)

ELIS CRYING OK, you're tired.

Good luck in there.

Be nice to have more women in charge.

Thank you, you've been lovely. Oh!

ELIS COUGHS Oh, dear, how are you feeling, huh?

ELIS RETCHES Oh, no. Oh, Elis, no!

ELIS WAILING

SONG: 'Blow' by lau. ra

? When they asking who's the star You can tell them that I'm next... ?

ELIS CRYING

? I don't go looking for No karma... ?

CRYING

? You live with an illusion

? They wanna hear me scream They wanna see me cry... ?

WAILING

? Baby, I'm about to blow... ?

Looking very dapper!

Just had my interview for consultant. Oh. Go well?

Yeah, I think so. Well, you certainly look the part.

I'm sorry, by the way.

For your loss.

What's that?

For, erm...

Sorry, I'm confusing you with...

Never mind, way too much

"trust priorities and leadership strategies"

running through my head.

Don't worry, you can forget about those almost immediately.

Well, ignore me. Sorry.

? They wanna hear me scream They wanna see me cry

? They're mad they're not about to

? Look at me, I got so high... ?

SHE SIGHS

I know. Is that what you were wearing before?

She puked over it. Oh. Ugh.

Take her.

Catherine, I can't, my inbox is... My mum is on her way.

Please, please, Laura. I-I'm up any minute.

I will never give you a hard time about a list ever, ever again.

ELIS CRIES Ever?

You're on the panel, aren't you?

Can we talk about this later? I'm just on my way in.

Why would you do something so stupid? I'm trying to help.

I honestly don't think you've got anything to worry about.

It's the classic Swiss Cheese model of accident causation.

You know that "learning from the no-blame culture" stuff

is bollocks, don't you?

No, I-I honestly think it was systems failures.

Right. Which system in particular?

The childcare system, staff shortages,

the public school system, austerity, or just the patriarchy in general?

Or are they gonna throw someone under the bus?

I'm not throwing you under any buses.

I need this to stop. I just need all of this to stop.

Maz, breathe.

Come on, calm.

Breathe. Miss MacDiarmid?

I have to go. Please.

Please take your name off the panel.

I can't, it's too late.

I'm sorry, I've got to go.

Can you call someone? Or could you... could you wait?

Maz?

I need to report that my...

consultant has been drinking on call.

Guy.

Guy has been drinking on call.

SCREAMING

Bitch!

HORN HONKS

SIRENS

BREATHING HEAVILY

Is there anyone here you haven't met?

I think I got around to everybody, just about.

Even if briefly.

I understand you had a list this morning?

Two appendixes, two hernias and some gallstones.

My pager is on, I'm afraid.

ALL CHUCKLE Well, then, we'd better get started.

BABY CRYING

So, how does your training meet the needs of this post?

I was lucky enough to sub-specialise in trauma surgery

in addition to my general surgery pathway training,

and I spent six months...

BABY STOPS CRYING

Miss MacDiarmid?

I had the opportunity to spend six months

at a county hospital in Oklahoma.

I think it demonstrated not only how keen my surgical instincts are,

the procedure itself was executed perfectly and saved the boy's life,

but how well I react to the unexpected.

And most surgery is clean, calm, controlled.

When we're in charge, we have time to prep, to plan.

But the step up from registrar to consultant is,

in addition to surgical competency, about management.

Managing human beings,

fighting for your patients and your department.

That can be a far less controllable, much messier business.

And one I'm absolutely ready for.

So, apart from the clamshell thoracotomy,

which we've heard a lot about today,

which experiences outside of medicine

have proved useful in your surgical career?

Like my hobbies? SCATTERED CHUCKLING

Oh.

Oh, well, my academic record,

and work ethic haven't left much room for...

..distractions.

Nothing else in your life, then?

WOMAN, MUFFLED: Can you tell us about a serious complication

and how you dealt with it?

I'm sorry, would you mind repeating the question?

Can you tell us about a serious complication

and how you dealt with it?

Yes.

A few weeks ago, I delivered a baby at 32 weeks,

rather unexpectedly, after a gall bladder removal.

And was that a complication or a coincidence?

Did your procedure actuate labour? No.

Well... I don't know, the causes of pre-term labour

after abdominal surgery are still largely unknown.

I'm aware. Thank you.

How's baby doing now?

It was fine when I handed it to the obstetrician.

To the paediatrician, surely?

Er, thank you, Professor, you're right.

That wasn't a clear case of a complication, erm...

Oh, last year, I had a...

Nothing more recent? No, because I was on...

The pandemic's caused such disruption to elective surgeries.

Mm.

A VTE in a 40-year-old male.

Oh, can I get your help with this referral?

You'll have to ask someone else, I'm afraid.

Why, where are you going? I've been suspended.

I... What's happened? Guy, what can I do?

Was it because of us? There is no "us", Louise.

Did Helen find out?

Guy... I told Helen almost as soon as it happened

because it was the biggest mistake of my life.

Just leave me alone.

LIFT: Floor two.

This lift is going down. Well... What do I...

What do I tell everyone about where you are?

Doors closing. Guy?

Doors opening.

And, yeah, the sides. Missed a bit.

Those lucky pants did the trick, then?

PHONE RINGS

Sorry.

Babes, it's done. No, it's all out.

It's like nothing ever happened.

I had the most amazing surgeon.

Yes!

HELEN: "With zigzag lightning, flashing and frightening,

"the tiny snail on the tail of the whale...

"and she gazed at the sky, the sea, the land...

"the waves and the caves and the golden sand.

"She gazed and gazed, amazed by it all,

"and she said to the whale...

"I feel so small."

This is Dr Maryam Afridi on CAU. I was just following up on a baby

I treated in the delivery suite last night, baby Kalpar.

Could someone check the latest NAS scores for me, please?

She's scoring fives and sixes. So far.

Er, no. That's OK, thanks.

Thank you.

So, are they going to give her a big whack of morphine?

It's a rough start.

Listen, erm, Simon, about last night...

I'm not gonna say anything.

I think... I think you need to.

Shh, shh, shh... BABY WAILS, COUGHS

She was making this horrible noise when she breathed in.

God, I don't know what to do.

All the germs on the plane. Or a protest at going away.

How is making me feel guilty a useful thing right now?

What's her temperature? 39.2.

Is that wheezing her struggling to breathe?

Like that, listen.

Shit, we need to take her to A&E.

No, no, stay calm. Come on, let her calm down.

Shh, shh, shh...

CATHERINE MURMURS, BABY ATTEMPTS TO COUGH

That's croup.

Isn't that a card game?

It's a respiratory infection, you had it.

Look, go and stand outside with her, get her some cool air.

I'll get some steam going in the bathroom.

BABY CRIES

I think we should call 111.

If you like, but describe that cough to them.

Go and stand on the doorstep with her.

OK, I'm going. We are going.

Don't wait up.

We can talk in the morning when you've sobered up.

I'm gonna be in the guest room.

I told them where to stick it.

Yeah. Yeah, no, I heard.

You must be feeling very pleased with yourself.

My sister died.

St Harry's called me at work to tell me,

and I couldn't go and be with her

because you weren't fit to come in and cover for me.

How does Jack know? What?

Jack.

He said he was sorry for my loss.

Jack drove me to St Harry's in the morning.

And then I went back to his place and I fucked him.

Now you know how it feels.

ALARM RINGING

Five-week-old came in 30 minutes ago in respiratory distress.

Resps are 81, oxygen is 90...

VOICE FADES: intercostal and subcostal recession.

Baby's tiring.

Put out a RESUS call. But you're here.

Erm, so your baby is going to need some help breathing,

she's not getting enough oxygen.

VOICE FADES

Don't worry, she's in safe hands.

Dr Afridi?

ALARM BLARES

Shit.

I need you to look at this baby, I don't know what's wrong.

What do you mean? I can't do it.

Please, you have to come. OK. I'll call you back.

What's wrong with this baby, Maryam?

Five-week-old in respiratory distress.

RSV. Bronchiolitis. She needs intubating.

No, it's OK. We've got this.

We just need to help your baby to breathe, OK?

PICU been called? Yes.

Colour change on the capnograph.

Anaesthetist is here.

That's much better. Simon, stay with her.

Right, call me if oxygen levels don't keep rising

and when PICU get here. Good job.

You'd better come with me.

I knew what that baby needed and I knew how to do it.

It was just like my body wouldn't let me go through with it.

And what do you think your body's telling you?

That if I treat another child and it dies, I won't survive it.

So how do you feel now?

Stupid.

Ashamed.

Scared.

I had a panic attack in the toilets

when I came back from the labour ward last night.

And is that the first one of those you've had since you got back?

When Sami arrived with us... I stopped sleeping.

When he slept, I had to keep watching him breathing

cos I was so scared he was gonna die.

And then I was pregnant again, just waiting to miscarry again.

And then when Xavi was born,

it took them a minute to get him to breathe

and I thought, "Oh, THIS is how we lose him."

And then the whole vigil thing all over again with him.

It's like I'm just waiting for it.

I'm seeing all the ways they might die play out in here.

And how do you feel about the future?

Just this dread.

This isn't you, Maryam.

You're not well. Please don't sign me off.

Not until the investigation concludes.

Let me go in there a doctor.

Please, Susan.

PHONE RINGS

Hi. JACK: 'Hi. I've just had an offer.'

Congratulations, Jack.

'I didn't wanna spend the day at work pretending to you.'

I'm delighted for you, really. 'I'll see you there.'

Yeah. OK. Bye.

Bastards.

Yeah.

What am I gonna do now, Mum?

Jesus!

I'm... I'm just taking the kids to school and, er, nursery.

Guy?

Daddy? Yeah, he's fine, honey.

We're gonna go to school now, darling.

We're gonna go to school, OK?

Daddy's just a bit tired, everything's all right.

Mummy, we haven't had breakfast. Yeah, I know. We can go to a cafe!

Shall we do that?

That'd be an adventure, won't it? Come on, you two.

Out you come. Yay for adventures...

Come on. Good boy. Out you go.

It's just my childcare is like three-dimensional chess

so a rota sneak preview would be much appreciated.

I'm kind of your line manager. Good luck with that.

Thanks.

Have you spoken to Helen, by the way?

Cavendish? No. Should I have? Maybe just check in with her.

Off to get my terms and conditions in writing.

Thank you. Thank YOU.

PHONE RINGS, VIBRATES

Dr Maryam Afridi?

'This is Clare from the adoption team at social services.

'We have an update on Sami's sister.

'She was born very prematurely the night before last.

'She's currently in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit

'at City General.'

Don't take her away!

'So we're gonna need to know what it is you want to do.

'Dr Afridi?

'Dr Afridi, are you there?'

I'm, erm, sorry about last night.

I didn't mean to tell you about Debbie or Jack like that.

What did Marco say exactly?

Are you suspended... or taking some time or...?

I think you need to talk to someone about how you got here, Guy.

They're offering to help you.

Just take the help.

Please.

I'm done.

Er... Clare just called again.

Just... let me get through today.

Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?

I'll be fine.

Come on. Quick as you can!

Hey, just, just be quiet, guys. Daddy must still be sleeping.

Shh, shh, shh. You two, just be quiet. Good boy.

Come on. Out we go.

Grab your bag, we're late! Come on. Quick! Quick! Quick!

Mummy, it's swimming today! Well, you can't... Well...

I'm sorry, darling, we haven't got your swimming kit.

Please, Mummy, please go home and get it!

I can't spend the whole day just chasing after you, Maggie!

Mummy, I can't go if I don't have it! Please, Mummy!

OK, Maggie. Stop! Do not shout at me!

I will drop it off at reception.

Now in you go. Thank you, Mummy.

Love you. Love you, too.

? For me and for you

? They used to envy you and us I hate what we've become

? Running round in circles Till no air is in my lungs... ?

PHONE RINGS

'This is Dr Guy Cavendish, please leave a message.'

? All this time I'm fighting... ?

PHONE RINGS

? Lately, I've been tied up Lately, I've been lying... ?

PHONE RINGS

? Lately, I've been useless Lately, I've been loose

? Lately, I'm pushing through

? I'll hold my hand tonight

? If I have to... ?

Guy?

? Lately, I've been tied up... ?

Guy?

? Lately, I've been thinking About the ways to shake my life... ?

No... No, no... Guy? Guy?

Guy, can you hear me?

? Lately, I'm pushing through... ?

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

? I'll hold my hand tonight... ?

Fuck! PHONE RINGING

? I'll only pay the price

? When I'm with you... ?

Please, please, please...

PHONE CONTINUES TO RING

? Oh-oh-oh, lately... ?

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