Original subtitles

"FOR ME, DOING THEATER

"IS SERVING THE GREATEST NUMBER

"AND THE LESS ENDOWED FIRST,

"THE BREAD AND SALT OF KNOWLEDGE." JEAN VILAR

Are you looking for me, Monsignor, after looking for me!

You couldn't read my mind any better, Madame.

But your heart does not know mine well enough to justify me

without my explaining anything.

Hey!

Come!

It's this way.

Come into this room,

sit there and wait until he comes.

And you too, on this side.

-Is it done? -Yes.

Let's see...

This is good.

Is it something new?

Yes, it's a melody for a serenade that I set him to composing here,

while waiting for our man to awake.

May I see it?

You'll hear it, with the dialogue, when he comes.

He won't be long.

Our work, yours and mine, is not trivial at present.

This is true.

We've found here such a man as we both need.

This is a nice source of income for us, this Monsieur Jourdain,

with the visions of nobility and gallantry

that he has gotten into his head.

You and I should hope that everyone resembled him.

Not entirely! I could wish

that he understood better the things that we give him.

It's true he understands them poorly, but he pays well,

and that's what our art needs now more than anything else.

As for me, I admit, I feed a little on glory.

Applause touches me,

and I hold that, in all the fine arts it is painful to produce for dolts,

to endure barbarous views on my choreography.

It is a pleasure,

to work for people who can

appreciate the fine points of an art,

who know how to give a sweet reception to the beauties of a work

and, by pleasurable approbations, gratify us for our labor.

Yes, the most agreeable recompense we can receive for the things we do

is to see them recognized and flattered by an applause

that honors us.

There is nothing, that pays us better for all our fatigue.

And it is an exquisite joy to receive the praises of the well-informed.

I agree, and I enjoy them as you do.

There is surely nothing more agreeable

than the applause you speak of.

But that incense does not provide a living.

Pure praises do not provide a comfortable existence:

it is necessary to add something solid, the best praise

is with cash-in-hand.

He's a man, it's true, whose insight is very slight,

who talks nonsense about everything

and applauds only for the wrong reasons.

But his money makes up for his judgments.

He has discernment in his purse.

His praises are in cash,

and this ignorant bourgeois is worth more to us,

than the educated nobleman who introduced us here.

That is partly true.

But you lean a little too heavily on money.

Material interest is something so base

that a man of good taste should never show an attachment to it.

You are ready enough to receive the money our man gives you.

Assuredly.

But I don't place all my happiness in it

and I could wish that together

with his fortune he had some good taste in things.

I could wish it too,

that's what both of us are working for as much as we can.

But, in any case,

he gives us the means to make ourselves known.

And he will pay others if they will praise him.

Well, gentlemen?

What's this?

Are you going to show me your little skit?

How? What little skit?

What do you call it?

Your prologue or dialogue of songs and dances.

You find us ready for you.

I kept you waiting,

because I'm having myself dressed today

like the people of quality,

and my tailor sent me some silk stockings

that I thought I would never get on.

We are here only to wait upon your leisure.

I want you both to stay

until they have brought me my suit, so that you may see me.

Whatever you would like.

You will see me fitted out properly, from head to foot.

We have no doubt of it.

I had this robe made for me.

It's very attractive.

My tailor told me people of quality dress like this in the mornings.

It's marvelously becoming.

Hey lackeys!

My two lackeys!

-What do you wish, Sir? -Nothing.

I just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

What say you of my liveries?

They're magnificent.

Here again is a sort of lounging dress

to perform my morning exercises in.

It is elegant.

-Lackey! -Sir?

-The other lackey! -Sir?

Hold my robe.

-Do you think I look good? -Very well. No one could look better.

Now let's have a look at your little show.

I would like very much for you to listen to a melody

he has just composed for the serenade that you ordered from me.

He's one of my pupils

who has an admirable talent for these kinds of things.

Yes, but you should not have had that done by a pupil!

And you yourself were none too good for this piece of work?

You must not let the name of pupil fool you, Sir.

Pupils of this sort know as much as the greatest masters,

and the melody is as fine as could be made.

Just listen.

Give me my robe

so I can listen better.

Wait!

I believe I would be better without a robe.

No! Give it back.

This will be better.

I languish night and day

My suffering is extreme

Since to your control

Your lovely eyes subjected me

If you thus treat

Fair Iris, those you love,

Alas, how would you

Treat an enemy?

This song seems to me a little mournful, it lulls to sleep.

And I would like it if you could liven it up a little, here and there.

The tune must be suited to the words.

Someone taught me a perfectly pretty one some time ago.

Listen... Now...

How does it go?

By my faith, I don't know.

There are sheep in it.

Sheep?

Yes.

I thought my Janneton

As beautiful as sweet

I thought my Janneton

Far sweeter than a sheep

Alas! Alas! She is a hundred times

A thousand times, more cruel

Than tigers in the woods

Isn't it pretty?

-The prettiest in the world. -And you sing it well.

It's without having learned music.

You ought to learn it, Sir, as you are learning dancing.

They are two arts which have a close connection.

Which open the mind of a man to fine things.

And do people of quality learn music, too?

-Yes, Sir. -I'll learn it then.

But I don't know when I can find time,

for besides the Fencing Master who's teaching me, I

have also engaged a master of philosophy

who begins this morning.

Philosophy is something, but music,

-Sir, music... -Music and dancing,

music and dancing, that's all we need.

There's nothing so useful in a State as music.

There's nothing so necessary to men as dancing.

Without music, a State cannot subsist.

Without the dance, a man can do nothing.

All the disorders, all the wars one sees in the world

happen only from not learning music.

All of man's misfortunes, all the disasters

of history, the blunders of politicians

and the faults of omission,

all this comes from not knowing how to dance.

How is that?

Does not war result from a lack of agreement between men?

That is true.

And if all men learned music,

wouldn't that be a means of bringing about harmony

and of seeing universal peace in the world?

You are right.

When a man has committed a mistake in his conduct,

in family affairs, or in affairs of government of a state,

or in the command of an army, do we not always say,

"He took a bad step in such and such an affair?"

Yes, that's said.

And can taking a bad step result from anything

but not knowing how to dance?

It's true, you are both right.

It makes you see the excellence and usefulness of dance

and music.

I understand that, now.

-Do you wish to see our pieces? -Yes.

I already told you this is an attempt I made to show the different passions

that music can express.

Very good.

Here, come forward.

You must imagine that they are dressed as shepherds.

Why always as shepherds? You see nothing but that everywhere.

When we have characters that are to speak in music,

it's necessary, for believability, to make them pastoral.

Singing has always been assigned to shepherds.

And it is scarcely natural dialogue for princes

or merchants to sing their passions.

Alright, alright. Let's see.

A heart, under the domination of love

Is always

With a thousand cares oppressed

It is said that we gladly

Languish, gladly sigh

But, despite what can be said

There is nothing so sweet As our liberty

There is nothing so sweet

As the loving fires

That make two hearts beat as one

One cannot live

Without amorous desires

Take love from life

You take away the pleasures

It would be sweet To submit to love's rule

If one could find faithful love

But, alas! Oh cruel rule!

No faithful shepherdess is to be seen

And that inconstant sex Much too unworthy

Must renounce love eternally

Pleasing ardor

Happy liberty

Deceitful woman

How precious you are to me!

How you please my heart!

How horrible you are to me!

Ah, leave, for love, that mortal hate

We can, we can show you

A faithful shepherdess

Alas! Where to find her?

In order to defend our reputation,

I want to offer you my heart

But, shepherdess, can I believe

That it will not be deceitful?

We'll see through experience

Who of the two loves best

Who lacks constancy

May the gods destroy

With ardors so beautiful Let us be inflamed

Ah! How sweet it is to love

When two hearts are faithful

-Is that all? -Yes.

I find it well-done,

and there are some pretty enough sayings in it.

Here, for my presentation,

is a display of the loveliest movements

and the most beautiful attitudes with which a dance can possibly be varied.

Are these shepherds too?

They're whatever you please.

That's not all that bad, and those people there hop around well.

When the dance is combined with the music,

it will have even better effect,

and you will surely appreciate the ballet

we have prepared for you.

That's for later,

when the person I ordered all this for

is to do me the honor of coming here to dine.

Everything is ready.

However, sir, this is not enough.

A person like you, who lives magnificently,

and who are inclined towards fine things,

should have a concert of music here every Wednesday or every Thursday.

Is that what people of quality do?

Yes, Sir.

Then I'll have them.

Will it be fine?

Without a doubt.

You must have three voices:

a tenor,

a soprano,

and a bass...

who will be accompanied by a bass-viol,

a theorbo,

and a clavecin for the chords,

with two violins to play the ritournelles.

You must also add a trumpet marine.

The trumpet marine is an instrument that pleases me

and it's harmonious.

Leave it to us to manage things.

At least, don't forget to send the musicians

to sing at table.

You will have everything you should have.

But above all, let the ballet be fine.

You will be pleased with it,

and with certain minuets you will find in it.

Ah! Minuets are my dance, and I would like you to see me dance them.

Come, my Dancing Master.

A hat, Sir, if you please.

In cadence, please

Your right leg

Don't move your shoulders

Your arms are wrong

Raise your head

Turn the toe out

Straighten your body up

The best.

By the way.

Teach me how to bow

to salute a marchioness. I shall need to know soon.

How you must bow to a marchioness?

Yes.

A marchioness named Dorimène.

Give me your hand.

No. You only have to do it, I'll remember it well.

If you want to salute her with a great deal of respect,

you must first bow and step back,

then bow thrice as you walk toward her,

and at the last one bow down to her knees.

Do it some.

Good.

Sir, your Fencing Master is here.

I want you to see me perform.

Come, sir, the salute.

The fencing salute, Sir.

Your body straight. A little inclined upon the left thigh.

Your legs not so wide apart. Your feet both in a line.

Your wrist opposite your hip.

The point of your sword even with your shoulder.

The arm not so much extended.

The hand at the level of the eye.

The left shoulder more squared.

The head up.

The expression bold.

Advance. The body steady.

Beat carte, and thrust.

One, two. Recover.

Again, with the foot firm.

One, two, leap back.

When you make a pass, Sir,

you must first disengage, and your body must be well turned.

One, two.

One, two.

Come, beat tierce and thrust.

One, two.

Advance. The body firm. Advance.

Stop there. One, two.

Repeat. Leap back.

One, two. Leap beak.

On guard, Sir, on guard.

You did marvelously!

As I have told you,

the entire secret of fencing lies in two things: to give

and not to receive.

And as I demonstrated to you the other day,

it is impossible for you to receive,

if you know how to turn your opponent's sword

from the line of your body.

This depends solely on a slight movement of the wrist,

either inward or outward.

In this way then, a man, without courage,

is sure to kill his man and not be killed himself.

Without a doubt. Didn't you see the demonstration?

Yes.

And thus you have seen how men like me

should be considered by the State,

and how the science of fencing is more important

than all the other useless sciences,

such as dancing, music...

Careful there, swordsman! Speak of the dance only with respect.

I beg you to speak better of music.

You are amusing

to want to compare your sciences with mine.

Man's self-importance!

Such a pleasant animal with his plastron!

My little Dancing Master, I'll make you dance as you ought.

And you, my little musician, I'll make you sing in a pretty way.

Monsieur Clanger-of-iron, I'll teach you your trade.

Are you crazy to quarrel with him,

who knows tierce and quarte,

and who can kill a man by demonstration?

I disdain his demonstrations,

and his tierce, and his quarte.

Careful, I tell you.

What? You little impertinent!

Oh! My Fencing Master.

What? You big workhorse!

-My Dancing Master. -If I throw myself on you...

-Careful. -If I get my hands on you...

I'll go over you with a curry-comb.

I'll give you a beating such as...

Let us teach him a little how to talk!

Stop!

Aha! Monsieur Philosopher,

you're timely with your philosophy.

Come, make a little peace among these people.

What's the matter, gentlemen?

They have got into a rage over the superiority of their professions

to the point of injurious words and of wanting to come to blows.

What!

Gentlemen, must you act this way?

Haven't you read the learned treatise that Seneca

composed on anger?

Is there anything more base and more shameful than this passion,

which turns a man into a savage beast?

And shouldn't reason be the mistress of all our activities?

He has just abused both of us by despising the dance I practice,

and music, which is his profession.

A wise man is above all the insults that can be spoken to him.

And the grand reply one should make to such outrages

is moderation and patience.

They both had the audacity to compare our professions.

Should that disturb you?

Men should not dispute

amongst themselves about vainglory and rank.

That which perfectly distinguishes one from the other

is wisdom and virtue.

I insist to him that dance is a science

to which one cannot do enough honor.

And I, that music is something that all the ages have revered.

And I insist to them that the science of fencing

is the finest and the most necessary of all sciences.

And where then will philosophy be?

I find you all very impertinent

to speak with this arrogance to me

and impudently to give the name of science to things

that one should not even honor with the name of art,

and that cannot be classified except under the name

of miserable gladiator, singer, and buffoon!

Get out, you dog of a philosopher!

Get out, you worthless pedant!

-Get out, you ill-mannered cur! -What!

Rascals that you are...

Monsieur Philosopher!

A pox on the beast!

-How impudent! -Monsieur Philosopher!

-The devil takes the jackass! -Gentlemen!

-Villains! -Monsieur Philosopher!

To the devil with the impertinent fellow!

Gentlemen.

Oh! Fight as much as you like. I don't know what to do,

and I'll not spoil my robe to separate you.

I would be a fool to go among them

and receive some damaging blow.

Now to our lesson.

Oh! Sir, I am distressed by the blows they gave you.

It's nothing.

A philosopher knows how to take these things

and I'll compose a satire against them, in the style of Juvenal,

which will fix them nicely. Let it be.

What would you like to learn?

Everything I can,

for I have every desire in the world to be educated,

and I'm furious that my father and mother

did not make me study all the sciences

when I was young.

This is a reasonable sentiment.

Nam sine doctrina vita est quasi mortis imago.

You doubtless know Latin?

Yes, but act as if I did not know it.

Tell me what it says.

It says that without science, life is almost an image of death.

That Latin is right.

Don't you know some principles, some basics of the sciences?

Oh yes! I can read and write.

Where should we begin?

Would you like me to teach you logic?

What is this logic?

It is that which teaches the three operations of the mind.

What are these three mental operations?

The first, the second, and the third.

The first is to conceive well by means of the universals.

The second is to judge well by means of the categories.

And the third is to draw well a conclusion

by means of figures...

Barbara, Celarent, Darii, Ferio, Baralipton, etc.

Those words are too ugly.

This logic doesn't suit me at all.

Let's learn something else that's prettier.

-Would you like to learn morality? -Morality?

Yes.

What does it say, this morality?

It treats of happiness,

teaches men to moderate their passions, and...

No, let's leave that.

I'm as choleric as all the devils and there's no morality that sticks,

I want to be as full of anger as I want, whenever I like.

Would you like to learn physics?

What's it about, this physics?

Physics explains

the principles of natural things and the properties of the material world,

it discourses on the nature of the elements,

of metals, minerals, of stones,

of plants and animals,

and teaches the causes of all the meteors, the rainbow,

the will o' the wisps, the comets, lightning, thunder, thunderbolts,

rain, snow, hail, winds, and whirlwinds.

There's too much commotion in it, too much confusion.

Then what do you want me to teach you?

Teach me how to spell.

Very gladly.

Afterwards, you may teach me the almanack,

to know when there is a moon and when not.

So be it.

Following your thought

and treating this matter as a philosopher,

it is necessary to begin according to the order of things,

by an exact knowledge of the nature of letters

and the different ways of pronouncing them all.

And thereupon I must tell you letters are divided into vowels,

called vowels because they express the voice, and into consonants

because they sound with the vowels

and only mark the diverse articulations of the voice.

There are five vowels or voices:

A, E, I, O, U.

I understand all that.

The vowel A

is formed by opening the mouth widely:

A.

A... yes.

The vowel E

is formed by approaching the lower jaw to the upper:

A, E.

A, E, A, E.

By my faith, yes. Ah! How fine!

And the vowel I,

by bringing the jaws still nearer each other

and stretching the two corners of the mouth towards the ears:

A, E, I.

A, E,

I...

That's true. Long live science!

The vowel O is formed by opening the jaws

and drawing together the two corners of the lips, upper and lower:

O.

O... There's nothing truer.

A, E, I, O... I, O.

That's admirable! I, O, I, O.

The opening of the mouth happens to make

a little circle which represents an O.

You are right! O.

Ah! What a fine thing it is to know something!

The vowel U is formed by bringing the teeth

nearly together without completely joining them,

and thrusting the two lips outward,

also bringing them nearly together without completely joining them: U.

U. There's nothing truer. U.

Your two lips thrust out as if you were making a face,

whence it results that if you want

to make a face at someone and mock him, you have only to say to him, U.

U... U...

That's true.

Ah! Why didn't I study sooner in order to know all that!

Tomorrow we shall look at the consonants.

Are there things as curious about them as about these?

Without a doubt.

The consonant D, for example, is pronounced

by clapping the tongue above the upper teeth:

Da! Da!

-Da. -Yes.

Ah! What fine things!

The F, by pressing the upper teeth against the lower lip:

-Fa. -Fa, Fa.

That's the truth.

Ah! My father and my mother, how I wish you ill!

And the R, by carrying the tip of the tongue to the top of the palate,

so that being grazed by the air

that comes out with force, it yields to it

and comes back always to the same place,

making a kind of trill: Rra.

R, r, ra...

R, r, r, r, r, ra.

That's true. Ah! What a clever man you are!

And how I have lost time! R, r, r, ra.

I'll explain to you all these in depth.

Please do.

But now,

I must confide in you.

I'm in love with a lady of great quality,

and I wish that you would help me

write something to her in a little note

that I will let fall at her feet.

-Very well. -That will be gallant, yes?

Without a doubt.

Is it verse that you wish to write her?

No, no. No verse.

-Do you want only prose? -No, I want neither prose or verse.

It must be one or the other.

Why?

Because, sir,

there is no other way to express oneself than with prose or verse.

There is nothing but prose or verse?

No. Everything that is not prose is verse,

and everything that is not verse is prose.

And when one speaks, what is that then?

Prose.

What! When I say,

"Nicole, bring me my slippers,

"and give me my nightcap," that's prose?

Yes, Sir.

By my faith!

For more than 40 years I have been speaking prose

without knowing it,

and I am much obliged to you for having taught me that.

I would like then to put into a note to her, "Beautiful marchioness,

"your lovely eyes make me die of love,"

but I want that put in a gallant manner

and be nicely turned.

Put it that the fires of her eyes

reduce your heart to cinders,

that you suffer night and day for her the torments of a...

No, no, no. I want none of that.

I only want you to say,

"Beautiful Marchioness, your eyes make me die of love."

-A touch longer perhaps. -No, I tell you,

I want only those words in the note,

but turned stylishly, well arranged, as is necessary.

Please tell me, just to see,

the diverse ways they could be put.

One could put them first of all as you said them,

"Beautiful Marchioness,

"your lovely eyes make me die of love."

Or else,

"Of love to die make me, beautiful Marchioness, your beautiful eyes."

Or else, "Your lovely eyes, of love make me, beautiful Marchioness, die."

Or "Die, your lovely eyes, beautiful Marchioness, of love make me."

Or else,

"Me make your lovely eyes die, beautiful Marchioness, of love."

But, of all those ways, which is the best?

The way you said it,

"Beautiful Marchioness, your eyes make me die of love."

I never studied, and yet

I made the whole thing up at the first try.

I thank you with all my heart,

and I ask you to come tomorrow early.

I shall not fail to do so.

What?

Hasn't my suit come yet?

No, Sir.

That cursed tailor

makes me wait

all day when I have so much to do!

I'm enraged.

May the quartan fever shake that tormentor of a tailor!

To the devil with the tailor! May the plague choke the tailor!

If I had him here now, that detestable tailor,

that dog of a tailor, that traitor of a tailor...

What, treat a love in this way?

And a most faithful lover, the most passionate of all lovers?

It's a terrible thing, what they're doing to both of us.

Ah! You're here! I was getting into a rage against you.

I could not come sooner,

and I put 20 men to work on your suit.

You sent me some silk hose so small

that I could hardly put them on

and already there are two broken stitches.

-They get bigger, much so. -Yes, if I always break the stitches.

You also had made for me a pair of shoes

that pinch furiously.

Not at all, Sir.

How, not at all!

-No, they don't pinch you at all. -I tell you, they pinch me.

You imagine that.

-I imagine it because I feel it. -That's a good reason for you!

Wait, here is the finest court-suit, and the best matched.

It's a masterpiece to have invented a serious suit

that is not black.

And I give six attempts to the best tailors to equal it.

What's this? You've put the flowers upside down.

You didn't say you wanted them right side up.

Did I have to tell you that?

Yes, surely.

All the people of quality wear them this way.

The people of quality wear the flowers upside down?

-Yes, Sir. -Oh! It's alright then.

If you like, I'll put them right side up.

No, no.

You have only to say so.

No, I tell you. You've made it very well.

Do you think the suit will suit me?

What a question! I defy a painter with his brush

to do anything that would fit you better.

I have a worker in my place who is the greatest genius

at mounting a rhinegrave,

and another who is the hero of the age

at assembling a doublet.

The perruque and the plumes: are they correct?

Everything's good.

Monsieur Tailor,

here's the material from the last suit you made for me.

I know it well.

The material seemed so fine

that I wanted a suit made of it.

Yes, but you should not have cut it out of mine.

Do you want to put on your suit?

Yes, give it to me.

Wait. That's not the way it's done.

I have brought men to dress you in a cadence,

these kinds of suits are put on with ceremony.

Hey! Come in, you!

Put this suit on the gentleman

the way you do with people of quality.

My dear gentleman,

please give the apprentices a small tip.

What did you call me?

My dear gentleman.

My dear gentleman! That's what it is to dress like people of quality!

Go all your life dressed like a bourgeois

and they'll never call you, "My dear gentleman."

Here, take this for the "My dear gentleman."

My Lord, we are very much obliged to you.

"My Lord!"

"My Lord!" Wait, my friend.

"My Lord" deserves something,

and it's not a little word, this "My Lord."

Take this.

That's what "My Lord" gives you.

My Lord, we will drink to the health of Your Grace.

"Your Grace!"

Wait, don't go.

To me, "Your Grace!"

Take this.

That's for "My Grace."

My faith, if he goes as far as "Highness," he'll have all my purse.

My Lord, we thank you very humbly for your liberality.

He did well, I was going to give him everything.

Follow me, I am going to show off my clothes about town

and above all both of you take care to walk close at my heels,

so people can see that you are with me.

Yes, Sir.

Call Nicole for me, so I can give her some orders.

Don't bother,

there she is.

-Nicole! -Yes, Sir?

Listen.

What's so amusing?

What does the hussy mean by this?

Oh, how you are got up!

How's that?

Oh my Lord!

Are you mocking me?

Certainly not, Sir, I should be very sorry to do so.

I'll give you a smack on the nose if you go on laughing.

Sir, I can't help it.

You are not going to stop?

Sir, I beg your pardon. But you are so funny

that I couldn't help laughing.

What insolence!

You're so funny like that.

I'll...

Please excuse me.

Listen. If you go on laughing the least bit,

I swear I'll give you the biggest slap

ever given.

Alright, Sir, it's done, I won't laugh any more.

Take good care not to.

Presently you must clean...

You must clean...

You must, I say, clean the room and... Again!

Then beat me, Sir,

and let me have my laugh out,

it will do me more good.

I'm furious.

Have mercy, Sir! I beg you to let me laugh.

If I catch you...

Sir! I shall burst... Oh! if I don't laugh.

But did anyone ever see such a hussy as that,

who laughs in my face

instead of receiving my orders?

What would you have me do, Sir?

That you consider, you hussy,

getting my house ready for the company that's coming soon.

I don't feel like laughing any more.

All your guests make such a disorder here

that the word "company" is enough to put me in a bad humor.

Why, should I shut my door to everyone for your sake?

You should at least shut it to some people.

Ah! Here's a new story.

What's this, what's this, husband, this outfit you have on there?

Don't you care what people think of you when you are got up like that?

Do you want yourself laughed at everywhere?

None but fools and dolts will laugh at me, wife.

Truly, they haven't waited until now,

your antics have long given a laugh to everyone.

Who's everyone, if you please?

Everyone is everyone who is right

and who is wiser than you.

I am scandalized at the life you lead.

I no longer recognize our house.

One would say it's the beginning of Carnival here, every day

and beginning early in the morning, so it won't be forgotten,

one hears nothing but fiddles and singers

which disturbs the whole town.

Madame speaks well.

I'll never get my housework done with that gang you have come here.

They have feet that hunt for mud in every part of town

to bring it here.

And poor Françoise almost has her teeth on the floor,

scrubbing the boards that your fine masters

come to dirty up every day.

What, our servant Nicole,

you have quite a tongue for a peasant.

Nicole is right, and she has more sense than you.

Pardon me.

The arm first.

What are you going to do

with a Dancing Master, at your age?

And with a hulking Fencing Master

who comes stamping his feet, shaking the whole house

and tearing up all the floorboards in our drawing room.

Be quiet, both servant and wife!

Are you learning to dance

for the time when you'll have no legs to dance on?

Do you want to kill someone?

Quiet, I tell you!

You are ignorant women, both of you,

and you don't know the advantages of all this.

You should instead be thinking of marrying off your daughter,

who is of age to be provided for.

I'll consider marrying her off

when a suitable match comes along,

but I also want to learn about fine things.

I heard said, Madame, that today

he took a Philosophy Master to thicken the soup!

Very well. I have a wish to have wit

and to reason about things with decent people.

Don't you intend, someday, to go to school

and have yourself whipped at your age?

Why not?

Would to God I were whipped this minute

in front of everyone,

if I only knew what they learn at school!

Yes, my faith! That would get you into better shape.

Without a doubt.

All this is very important to the management of your house.

Assuredly.

You both talk like beasts,

and I'm ashamed of your ignorance.

For example, do you know

what are you speaking just now?

Yes, I know that what I'm saying is well said

and that you ought to be considering living in another way.

I'm not talking about that.

I'm asking if you know what the words are that you are saying here?

They are words that are very sensible and your conduct is scarcely so.

I'm not talking about that. I'm asking you: what is it

that I'm speaking this minute, what is it?

-Nonsense. -No, no! That's not it.

What is it we are both saying,

what language is it that we are speaking right now?

Well?

What is it called?

It's called whatever you want.

It's prose, you ignorant creature.

-Prose? -Yes, prose.

Everything is prose that is not verse.

And everything that's not verse is prose.

There! This is what it is to study! And you,

do you know what you must do to say U?

What?

Yes. What do you do when you say U?

What?

Say U, in order to see.

Oh well, U.

What do you do?

I say U.

Yes, but when you say U, what do you do?

I do what you tell me to.

Oh, how strange it is to have to deal with morons!

You thrust your lips out

and bring your lower jaw to your upper jaw: U, see?

I make a pout: U.

Yes, that's beautiful.

How admirable.

But it's quite another thing, if you have seen O,

and Da! And Fa!

What is all this rigmarole?

What does all this do for us?

It enrages me when I see these ignorant women.

Go, you ought to send all those people packing

with their foolishness.

And above all, that gawk of a Fencing Master

who ruins all my work with dust.

Well! This Fencing Master seems to get under your skin.

I'll soon show you how impertinent you are.

U!

Da!

There.

Demonstration: The line of the body.

When your opponent thrusts in quarte, you do this,

and when they thrust in tierce, you do this.

That is the way never to be killed,

and isn't it fine to be assured of what one does,

when fighting against someone?

There, thrust at me a little, to see.

Well then, what?

Easy! Wait!

Oh!

Gently!

Devil take the hussy!

-You told me to thrust. -Yes.

But you thrust in tierce before you thrust in quarte!

And you didn't have the patience to let me parry.

You are a fool, husband, with all your fantasies,

and this came to you since you took a notion to mingle with the nobility.

When I associate with the nobility, I show my good judgment,

and that's better than associating with your shopkeepers.

There's a great deal to gain consorting with your nobles,

and you did so well with your fine Count

-you were so taken with! -Peace!

Think what you're saying.

You know very well,

that you don't know who you're talking about,

when you talk about him!

He's a more important person than you think:

a great Lord, respected at court,

and who talks to the King just as I talk to you.

Is it not a thing which does me great honor,

that a person of this quality is seen to come so often to my house,

who calls me his dear friend and treats me as if I were his equal?

He has more regard for me than one would ever imagine.

And, in front of everyone,

he shows me so much affection that I am embarrassed myself.

Yes, he has a kindness for you but he borrows your money.

Isn't it an honor for me

to lend money to a man of that condition?

And can I do less for a lord

who calls me his dear friend?

What does he do for you?

Things that would astonish you if you knew them.

Like what?

Blast! I cannot explain myself.

It must suffice that if I have lent him money,

he'll pay it back fully.

-Yes. You are waiting for that. -Assuredly. Didn't he tell me so?

Yes, yes, he won't fail to.

It was a gentleman's promise.

Nonsense.

Well! You are very obstinate, wife.

I tell you he will keep his word.

And I'm sure he will not,

and that all his show of affection is only to flatter you.

Be still. Here he is.

That's all we needed.

He's come again perhaps to borrow something.

The very sight of him spoils my appetite.

Be still, I tell you.

My dear friend, Monsieur Jourdain, how do you do?

Very well, sir, to render you my small services.

And Madame Jourdain there, how is she?

Madame Jourdain is as well as she can be.

Well! Monsieur Jourdain, you are excellently well-dressed!

You see.

You have a fine air in that suit.

And we have no young men at court better made than you.

He scratches him where it itches.

Turn around.

It's positively elegant.

Yes, as big a fool behind as in front.

My faith, Monsieur Jourdain, I was strangely impatient to see you.

You are the man in the world I esteem most,

and I was speaking of you again this morning in the King's bedchamber.

You do me great honor, Sir.

In the King's bedchamber!

Come, put on...

Sir, I know the respect I owe you.

Heavens! Put on your hat, no ceremony between us.

Sir...

Put it on, I tell you, Monsieur Jourdain.

-You are my friend. -Sir, I am your humble servant.

I won't be covered if you won't.

I would rather be uncivil than troublesome.

I am in your debt, as you know.

Yes, we know it all too well.

You have generously lent me money upon several occasions,

and you have obliged me with the best grace in the world.

Sir, you jest with me.

But I know how to repay what is lent me,

and to acknowledge the favors rendered.

I have no doubt of it, Sir.

I want to settle this matter with you,

and I came here to make up our accounts together.

There wife! You see your impertinence!

I am a man who likes to repay debts as soon as I can.

I told you so.

Let's see how much do I owe you.

There you are, with your ridiculous suspicions.

Do you remember well all the money you have lent me?

I believe so.

I made a little note of it.

Here it is.

Once you were given 200 louis d'or.

That's true.

-Another time, six-score. -Yes.

-And another time, 140. -You're right.

These three items make 460 louis d'or,

which comes to 5,060 livres.

The account is quite right, 5,060 livres.

1,832 livres to your plume-maker.

Exactly.

2,780 livres to your tailor.

It's true.

4,379 livres, 12 sols, eight deniers

to your tradesman.

Quite right. Twelve sols, eight deniers. The account is exact.

And 1,748 livres, seven sols, four deniers

to your saddler.

What does that come to?

Sum total, 15,800 livres.

The sum total is exact: 15,800 livres.

To which add 200 pistols that you are going to give me,

which will make 18,000 francs, which I shall pay you at the first day.

Well, didn't I predict it?

Peace!

Will that inconvenience you, to give me the amount I say?

No!

-He is making a milk cow of you! -Be quiet!

If that inconveniences you, I will seek it elsewhere.

No, Sir.

He'll ruin you.

Be quiet, I say.

Do tell me if that hampers you.

-Not at all, Sir. -He's a real wheedler.

-Hush. -He'll drain you to the last sou.

Quiet!

A number of people would gladly lend it to me,

but as you are my best friend,

I believed I might do you wrong if I asked someone else.

It's too great an honor, Sir, that you do me.

I'll go get it for you.

What? Even more?

What can I do?

Do you want me to refuse a man of this station,

who spoke about me this morning in the King's bedchamber?

Go on, you're a true dupe.

You appear to be very melancholy. What is wrong, Madame Jourdain?

I have a head bigger than my fist, even if it's not swollen.

Why don't I ever see your daughter? Where is she?

My daughter is right where she is.

How is she getting on?

She "gets on" on her two legs.

Wouldn't you like to come with her one of these days

to see the ballet at the court?

Yes truly, we have a great desire to laugh.

A very great desire to laugh.

I think, Madame, you must have had many admirers in your youth,

pretty and good-humored as you were.

By Our Lady! Sir, is Madame Jourdain decrepit,

and does her head already shake?

Ah! My faith, Madame Jourdain, I beg your pardon.

I did not remember that you are young. I am often distracted.

Pray excuse my impertinence.

There are 200 louis d'or.

I assure you, Monsieur Jourdain, that I am completely yours,

and that I am eager to render you a service at court.

I'm much obliged to you.

If Madame Jourdain desires to see the royal entertainment,

she'll have the best seats.

Madame Jourdain kisses your hands.

Our beautiful marchioness, as I sent word to you, in my note,

will come here soon for the ballet.

I got her to consent to the pleasure you want to give her.

Let us move a little farther away for a certain reason.

It has been eight days since I saw you,

and I have sent you no news regarding the diamond

to present to her on your behalf.

I had the greatest difficulty in conquering her scruples.

And it's only today that she resolved to accept it.

How did she judge it?

Marvelous. And I am greatly deceived if the beauty of that diamond

does not produce for you an admirable effect on her spirit.

Would to Heaven!

He doesn't leave him alone.

The richness of that present and the grandeur of your love.

These are, Sir, favors which overwhelm me

and I am in the very greatest confusion

at seeing a person of your quality

demean himself for me as you do.

Are you joking?

Among friends, does one stop at these sorts of scruples?

And wouldn't you do the same for me if the occasion offered?

Oh! Certainly, and with all my heart.

His presence weighs me down!

When you confided in me about the ardent passion

you have formed for that delightful marchioness

with whom I have contacts,

you saw that I volunteered immediately to assist your love.

It's true, these are favors that confound me.

Will he never go?

They enjoy being together.

Women love above all the expenses we go to for them.

And your frequent serenades, your continual bouquets,

that superb fireworks for her over the water,

the diamond she has received from you,

and the fun you are preparing,

all this speaks much better in favor of your love

than any words spoken yourself.

What do they speak of?

I'd spare no expense

if by that means I might find the road to her heart.

Steal over and listen a little.

...and it's an honor I would purchase at any price.

Soon enough you will enjoy at your ease the pleasure of seeing her,

and your eyes will have a long time to satisfy themselves.

To be completely free,

I have arranged for my wife to go to dinner at my sister's,

where she'll spend all the after-dinner hours.

You have done prudently, as your wife might have embarrassed us.

I have given the orders to the cook for you,

and for the ballet.

It is of my own invention, and provided the execution

corresponds to the idea, I am sure it will be found...

Say! You're very impertinent!

Let's go, if you please.

Please...

My faith, Madame, curiosity has cost me.

But I believe something's afoot,

since they were talking of some event where they did not want you to be.

It's not the first time that I've had suspicions about my husband.

I'm the most mistaken woman in the world,

or there's some love affair in the making.

And I'm working to find out what it might be.

But let us see to my daughter.

You know the love Cléonte has for her.

He's a man who appeals to me, and I want to help his suit

and give him Lucile, if I can.

Truly, Madame,

I'm the most delighted to see that you feel this way,

since, if the master appeals to you, his valet appeals to me no less.

And I could wish our marriage made under the shadow of theirs.

Go speak to Cléonte about it for me, and tell him to come to me soon

so we can present his request to my husband for my daughter in marriage.

I hasten, Madame, with joy.

For I could not receive a more agreeable commission.

I shall, I think, make them very happy.

I will have difficulty, no doubt,

in conquering the love I have for you.

It will cause me sorrow, I will suffer for a while,

but I will overcome it.

And I would rather pierce my heart

than have the weakness to return to you.

"...to return to you."

Ah! I'm glad to have found you. I'm an ambassadress of joy...

Get out, traitor.

Don't amuse me with your treacherous words.

-Is this how you receive me? -Get out, I tell you.

And go tell your faithless mistress

she will never again deceive the too trusting Cléonte.

What caprice is this?

My dear Covielle, explain a little.

Your dear Covielle, little hussy?

Go, quickly, out of my sight, villainess, and leave me in peace.

What! You come to me too...

Out of my sight, I tell you, and never speak to me again.

My word! What fly has bitten those two?

Let's go tell this pretty story to my mistress.

I show a woman all the ardor

and tenderness that can be imagined.

I love no one but her,

and only think of her.

She is all I care for, all my desire,

all my joy, I talk of nothing but her, I think of nothing but her,

I have no dreams but of her, I breathe only because of her,

my heart lives wholly in her.

And see how so much love is well repaid!

I haven't seen her for two days,

which are for me two frightful centuries.

I meet her by chance, my heart, at that sight,

is completely transported, my joy shines on my face,

I fly with ecstasy towards her

and the faithless one averts her eyes

and hurries by as if she had never seen me in her life!

I say the same things as you.

"And I would rather pierce my heart

"than have the weakness to return to you."

Can one see anything to equal

this perfidy of the ungrateful Lucile?

And that, Monsieur, of the treacherous Nicole?

After so many ardent homages, sighs and vows

that I have made to her charms!

After so many assiduous compliments, cares, and services

that I rendered her in the kitchen!

So many tears I have shed at her knees!

So many buckets of water drawn for her!

So much passion I have shown her in loving her more than myself!

So much heat I have endured in turning the spit for her!

She flies from me in disdain!

She turns her back on me!

It is perfidy worthy of the greatest punishments.

It is treachery that merits a thousand slaps.

Don't think of ever speaking in her favor to me.

I, sir? God forbid!

Never come to excuse the action of this faithless woman.

Have no fear.

No, you see, all your speeches in her defense will serve no purpose.

Who thinks that?

I want to conserve my resentment against her

and end all contact with her.

I agree.

This Count who goes to her house is perhaps pleasant in her view,

her mind, I well see, allows itself to be dazzled by social standing.

But it is necessary for me to prevent the scandal of her inconstancy.

I want to break off with her first and not leave her

all the glory of dumping me.

That's very well said, and I agree, for my part, with all your feelings.

Strengthen my resentment

and aid my resolve against all the remains of love

that could speak in her behalf.

Tell me, I order you, all the bad you can of her,

make for me a painting of her that will render her despicable,

and show well, in order to disgust me,

all the faults that you can see in her.

Her, sir? There's a pretty fool, a well-made flirt

for you to give so much love!

I see only mediocrity in her.

And you will find 100 women who will be more worthy of you.

First of all, she has small eyes.

That's true, she has small eyes.

But they are full of fire,

the brightest, the keenest in the world,

the most touching eyes that one can see.

She has a big mouth.

Yes, but upon it one sees grace that one never sees on other mouths.

And the sight of that mouth, which is the most attractive,

the most amorous in the world, inspires desire.

She's not tall.

No... But she is graceful and well made.

She affects a nonchalance in her speech and in her actions.

That's true, but she may be forgiven all that,

for her manners are so engaging, they have charm.

As to her wit...

The finest, the most delicate.

-Her conversation... -Is charming.

She is always serious.

Would you have grinning playfulness, constant open merriment?

And do you see anything more impertinent than those women

who laugh all the time?

But she is as capricious as any woman.

Yes, she is capricious, I concede.

But it all suits beauty well, one suffers everything for beauty.

I see how it goes, you want to go on loving her.

Me? I'd like better to die.

I'm going to hate her as much as I loved her.

How, if you find her so perfect?

That's how my vengeance will be more striking,

in that way I'll show better the strength of my heart, by hating her,

by quitting her, with all her beauty, all her charms,

and as lovable as I find her.

Here she is.

For my part, I was completely shocked at it.

It can only be, Nicole, what I told you.

But there he is.

I don't even want to speak to her.

I'll imitate you.

What's the matter Cléonte?

What's the matter with you, Covielle?

What grief possesses you?

What bad humor holds you?

Are you mute?

Have you lost your voice?

-Is this not villainous! -It's a Judas!

I see that our recent meeting has troubled you.

Ah! She sees what she's done.

Our greeting this morning has annoyed you.

She has guessed the problem.

Isn't it true, Cléonte, that this is the cause of your resentment?

Yes, perfidious one, it is, since I must speak.

And I must tell that you shall not triumph

in your faithlessness as you think,

I want to be the first to break with you,

and you won't have the advantage of driving me away.

Me too.

What an uproar over nothing. I want to tell you, Cléonte,

why I avoided you this morning.

I don't want to hear it.

I want to tell you what made us pass so quickly.

-I don't care. -This morning...

-No. -Learn that...

-No, traitor. -Listen.

-I won't listen. -Let me.

I'm deaf.

-Cléonte! -No.

-Stop. -Gibberish.

-Listen to me. -Rubbish.

-One moment. -Never.

-A little patience. -Not interested.

-Two words. -No, you've had them.

-One word. -No more talking.

Alright! Since you don't want to listen to me,

think what you like, and do what you want.

Since you act like that, make whatever you like of it all.

Let us know the reason, then, for such a fine reception.

It no longer pleases me to say.

Let us know something of your story.

I no longer want to tell you.

-Tell me... -No, I don't want to.

-Tell it. -No, I'll tell nothing.

-For pity... -No, I say.

-Have pity. -It's no use.

-I beg you. -Leave me.

-I beg you. -Get out of here.

-Lucile -No.

-Lucile! -Nicole!

-In the name of God! -I don't want to.

-Talk to me. -Definitely not.

-Clear up my doubts. -No, I'll do nothing.

Relieve my mind.

No, I don't care to.

Alright! Since you are so little concerned to take me out of my pain

and to justify yourself for the shameful treatment

you gave to my passion,

you are seeing me, ingrate, for the last time,

and I am going far from you to die of sorrow and love.

And I, I will follow in his steps.

-Cléonte! -Covielle!

Yes?

Where are you going?

Where I told you.

We are going to die.

You are going to die, Cléonte?

Cruel one since you wish.

Me, I wish you to die?

-Yes, you wish it. -Who told you that?

Is it not wishing it when you don't wish to clear up my suspicions?

Is it my fault?

And, if you had wished to listen to me,

would I not have told you that the incident you complain of

was caused this morning by the presence of an old aunt

who insists

that a man's mere approach dishonors a woman,

an aunt who constantly delivers sermons to us on this text,

and tells us that all men are like devils we must flee from?

There's the key to the entire affair.

Are you deceiving me, Lucile?

Aren't you making this up?

There's nothing more true.

It's the absolute truth.

Are we going to concede?

Lucile, how with a word from your lips

you are able to appease the things in my heart.

And how easily one allows himself to be persuaded by the people one loves!

How easily we are manipulated by these blasted minxes!

I'm glad to see you, Cléonte and you are here at just the right time.

My husband is coming.

Seize the opportunity to ask for Lucile in marriage.

Madame, how sweet that word is to me, and how it flatters my desires!

Could I receive an order more charming?

Sir. Sir.

Sir, I did not want to use anyone to make a request of you

that I have long considered.

It affects me enough for me to take charge of it myself

and without further ado,

the honor of being your son-in-law is what I beg you to grant me.

Before giving you a reply, Sir,

I beg to ask if you are a gentleman.

Sir, most people don't hesitate much

over this question.

They use the word carelessly.

They take the name without scruple,

and the usage of today seems to validate the theft.

As for me, I confess to you,

I have a little more delicate feeling on this matter.

I find all imposture undignified for an honest man,

how cowardly it is to disguise what Heaven did to us at birth.

to present ourselves to the eyes of the world with a stolen title,

to wish to give a false impression.

I was born of parents who, without a doubt, held honorable positions.

I have six years of service in the army,

and I find myself established well enough

to maintain a tolerable rank in the world.

But despite all that, I certainly have no wish to give myself a name

to which others in my place might believe they could pretend,

and I will tell you frankly that I am not a gentleman.

Shake hands, Sir!

-My daughter is not for you. -What?

You are not a gentleman. You will not have my daughter.

What are you trying to say with your talk of gentleman?

Are we ourselves of the line of St. Louis?

Quiet, wife, I see what you are up to.

Aren't we both descended from good families?

There's that hateful word!

And wasn't your father a merchant just like mine?

Plague take the woman! She never fails to do this!

If your father was a merchant, so much the worse for him!

But as for mine, those who say that are misinformed.

All that I have to say to you is,

that I want a gentleman for a son-in-law.

It's necessary for your daughter to have a husband who is worthy of her,

and it's better for her to have an honest rich man who is well made

than an impoverished gentleman who is badly built.

That's true. We have the son of a gentleman in our village

who is the most ill formed and the greatest fool I have ever seen.

Hold your impertinent tongue!

You always butt into the conversation.

I have enough money for my daughter, I need only honor,

and I want to make her a marchioness.

-A marchioness? -Yes, marchioness.

-God save me from it! -It's a thing I have resolved.

As for me, it's a thing I'll never consent to.

Marriages above one's station

are always subject to great inconveniences.

I have absolutely no wish for a son-in-law

who can reproach her parents to my daughter,

and I don't want her to have children

who will be ashamed to call me their grandmother.

If she arrives to visit me in the equipage of a great lady

and if she fails, by mischance, to greet someone of the neighborhood,

they wouldn't fail immediately to say a hundred stupidities.

"Do you see," they would say, "this madam marchioness

"who gives herself such glorious airs?

"It's the daughter of Monsieur Jourdain,

"who was all too glad, when she was little,

"to play house with us."

"She's not always been so haughty as she now is,

" and her two grandfathers sold cloth near St. Innocent's Gate.

"They amassed wealth for their children,

"they're paying dearly perhaps for it now in the other world.

"And one can scarcely get that rich by being honest."

I certainly don't want all that gossip,

and I want, in a word, a man who will be obliged to me for my daughter.

And to whom I can say,

"Sit down there, my son-in-law, and have dinner with me."

Surely those are the sentiments of a little spirit,

to want to remain always in a base condition.

Don't talk back to me.

My daughter will be a marchioness in spite of everyone.

And, if you make me angrier, I'll make a duchess of her.

Cléonte, don't lose courage yet.

Follow me, my daughter, and tell your father resolutely

that, if you can't have him, you don't want to marry anyone.

What the devil is this?

They have nothing other than the great lords to reproach me with.

You've made a fine business with your pretty sentiments.

What do you want?

I have a scruple about that which precedent cannot conquer.

Don't you make a fool of yourself

by taking it seriously with a man like that?

Don't you see that he is a fool?

Would it cost you anything for you to accommodate his fantasies?

You're right.

But I didn't believe it necessary to prove nobility

in order to be Monsieur Jourdain's son-in-law.

And as for me, I see nothing so fine as to associate with the great lords!

But what's the...

What are you laughing at?

At a thought that just occurred to me of how to play our man a trick

and help you obtain what you desire.

How?

-The idea is really funny. -What is it?

A short time ago there was a masquerade

which fits here better than anything,

and that I intend to make part of a prank

I want to play on our fool.

It all seems a little phony.

But with him, one can try anything,

there is hardly any reason to be subtle.

And he is the man to play his role marvelously

and to swallow easily any fabrication

we want to tell him.

I have the actors, I have the costumes ready.

-Leave it to me. -But tell me...

I'm going to instruct you in everything. Let's go.

Ah, there it is!

I know them.

There is only honor and civility among them.

And I would have given two fingers of a hand

to have been born a count or a marquis.

My God!

Come on! Come on!

Come on!

Sir!

Here's the Count, and he has a lady with him.

I have some orders to give.

Tell them I'll be back here soon.

Monsieur says that he'll be here very soon.

That's fine.

I don't know, Dorante.

I feel strange

allowing you to bring me

to this house where I know no one.

Then where would you like, Madame,

for me to express my love with an entertainment,

since you will allow

neither your house nor mine for fear of scandal?

But you don't mention that every day I am gradually preparing myself

to receive too great proofs of your passion?

As good a defense as I have put up,

you wear down my resistance,

and you have a polite persistence

which makes me come gently to whatever you like.

The frequent visits began,

La, la...

Declarations followed,

after them came serenades and amusements in their train,

and presents followed them.

I withstood all that,

but you don't give up at all

and step by step, you are overcoming my resolve.

As for me, I can no longer answer for anything,

and I believe that in the end, you will bring me to marriage,

which I have so far avoided.

My faith! Madame, you should already have come to it.

You are a widow...

And you answer only to yourself.

I'm my own master and I love you more than my life.

Why shouldn't you be all my happiness from today onward?

Goodness! Dorante,

for two people to live happily together,

both of them need particular qualities.

And two of the most reasonable persons in the world

often have trouble making a union satisfactory to them both.

You're fooling yourself, Madame, to imagine so many difficulties,

and the experience you had with one marriage

doesn't determine anything for others.

I always come back to this.

The expenses that I see you go to for me

disturb me for two reasons:

one is that they get me more involved than I would like,

and the other is that I am sure, meaning no offense,

that you cannot do this without financially inconveniencing yourself,

and I certainly don't want that.

Ah! Madame, they are trifles, and it isn't by that...

I know what I'm talking about, and among other gifts,

the diamond you forced me to take is worth...

Oh! Madame, mercy, don't put any value on a thing

that my love finds unworthy of you.

And allow...

Here's the master of the house.

What?

One step, if you please.

What is it?

Step back a little for the third.

Madame, Monsieur Jourdain is very knowledgeable.

Madame,

it is a very great honor to me

to be fortunate enough

to be so happy

as to have the joy

that you should have had the goodness

to accord me the graciousness of doing me the honor

of honoring me with the favor

of your presence.

And,

if I also had the merit

to merit a merit

such as yours, and if Heaven,

envious of my luck...

should have accorded me...

the advantage

of seeing me worthy... of the...

Monsieur Jourdain, that is enough.

Madame doesn't like grand compliments.

And she knows that you are a man of wit.

As you can see, this good bourgeois is ridiculous enough

in all his manners.

It isn't difficult to see it.

Madame, he is the best of my friends.

You do me too much honor.

A completely gallant man.

I have great esteem for him.

I have done nothing yet, Madame, to merit this favor.

Take care, at least, to say nothing at all to her about the diamond

that you gave her.

Can't I even ask her how she likes it?

What? Take care that you don't. That would be loutish of you.

To act as a gallant man, you must act as though it were not you

who made her this present.

Monsieur Jourdain, Madame, says he is delighted to see you in his home.

He honors me greatly.

How obliged I am to you, Sir, for speaking thus to her for me!

I have had frightful trouble getting her to come here.

I don't know how to thank you enough.

He says, Madame,

that he finds you the most beautiful woman in the world.

He does me a great favor.

Madame, it is you who does the favors.

Let's consider eating.

Everything is ready, Sir.

Come then let us sit at the table.

And bring on the musicians.

Why, Dorante,

that is really a magnificent repast!

You jest, Madame.

And I wish it were worthy of being offered to you.

Monsieur Jourdain is right, Madame, to speak so.

And he obliges me by making you so welcome.

I agree with him that the repast is not worthy of you.

Since it was I who ordered it

and since I do not have the accomplishments

of our friends in this matter,

you do not have here a very sophisticated meal,

and you will find some incongruities in the combinations

and some barbarities of taste.

If Damis, our friend, had been involved,

everything would have been according to the rules.

Everything would have been elegant and appropriate,

and he would not have failed to impress upon you the significance

of all the dishes of the repast,

and to make you see his expertise

when it comes to good food,

he would have told you about hearth-baked bread,

with its golden brown crust,

crunching tenderly between the teeth,

of a smooth, full-bodied wine,

fortified with a piquancy

not too strong,

of a loin of mutton improved with parsley,

of a cut of specially-raised veal

as long as this, white and delicate,

and which is like an almond paste between the teeth.

Of partridges complimented by a surprisingly flavorful sauce.

And, for his masterpiece, a soup

accompanied by a fat young turkey surrounded by pigeons

and crowned with white onions mixed with chicory.

But, as for me, I declare my ignorance.

And, as Monsieur Jourdain has said so well,

I only wish that the repast was more worthy of being offered to you.

I reply to this compliment only by eating.

Ah! What beautiful hands!

The hands are mediocre, Monsieur Jourdain.

But you wish to speak of the diamond, which is very beautiful.

Me, Madame? God forbid that I should wish to speak of it.

That would not be acting gallantly,

and the diamond is a very small thing.

You are particular.

-You are too kind. -Come on!

Let's have some wine for Monsieur Jourdain

and for these gentlemen and ladies

who shall favor us with a drinking song.

It is marvelous to season good food,

by mixing it with music, and I see I am being admirably entertained.

-Madame, it isn't... -Monsieur Jourdain,

let us remain silent for these gentlemen and ladies.

What we shall hear is of more value than anything we could say.

Let us drink, dear friends Let us drink

Time that flies beckons us to it

Let us profit from life As much as we can

Once we pass under the black shadow

Goodbye to wine, our loves

Let us drink while we can

One cannot drink forever

Let fools speculate

On the true happiness of life

Our philosophy Puts it among the wine-pots

Possessions, knowledge and glory Hardly make us forget troubling cares

And it is only with good drink

That one can be happy

Come on then, wine for all Pour, boys, pour

Pour, keep on pouring

Until they say "enough"

I don't believe it's possible to sing better.

And that is positively beautiful.

I see something here, Madame, yet more beautiful.

Yeah!

Monsieur Jourdain is more gallant than I thought.

What! Madame, what did you take Monsieur Jourdain for?

I would like for her to take me at my word.

Again!

You don't know him.

She may know me whenever it pleases her.

Oh! I am overwhelmed.

He is a man who is always ready with a repartee.

But don't you see that Monsieur Jourdain,

eats all the pieces of food you have touched?

I am captivated by Monsieur Jourdain.

If I could captivate your heart,

I would be...

Ah! I find good company here.

And I see that I was not expected.

Was it for this pretty affair, Monsieur Husband,

that you were so eager to send me to dinner at my sister's?

I just saw stage decorations downstairs,

and here I see a banquet fit for a wedding.

That is how you spend your money.

And this is how you entertain the ladies in my absence,

and you give them music and entertainment

while sending me on my way.

What are you saying, Madame Jourdain?

And what fantasies are you getting into your head

that your husband spends his money

and that it is he who is giving this entertainment to Madame?

Please know that it is I.

That he only lends me his house

and that you ought to think more about the things you say.

Yes, what impertinence.

It is the Count who presents all this to Madame,

who is a person of quality.

He does me the honor of using my house

and of wishing me to be with him.

All that's nonsense. I know what I know.

Come, Madame Jourdain, put on better glasses.

I don't need glasses, Sir, I see well enough.

I have had suspicions for a long time and I'm not a fool.

It is low of a great lord,

to lend a hand as you do to the follies of my husband.

And you, Madame, for a great lady, it is neither fine

nor honest of you to cause dissension in a household

and to allow my husband to be in love with you.

What is she trying to say with all this?

Goodness, Dorante! You have outdone yourself

by exposing me to the absurd fantasies of this woman.

Madame, wait! Madame, where are you going?

Madame!

Monsieur Count, make excuses to her

-Madame! -and try to bring her back.

Madame!

Ah! You impertinent creature, this is a fine way to act!

You come and insult me in front of everybody.

And you drive from me people of quality.

I laugh at their quality.

I don't know who holds me back, evil creature,

from breaking your head with the remains of the repast

you came to disrupt.

I don't care about any of this!

You cursed, foul thing!

These are my rights that I defend, and I'll have all wives on my side.

You do well to avoid my rage.

She arrived very inopportunely.

I was in the mood to say pretty things,

and I had never felt so witty.

What's that?

Sir, I don't know if I have the honor to be known to you.

No, Sir.

I saw you when you were no taller than that.

-Me? -Yes.

You were the most beautiful child in the world,

and all the ladies took you in their arms to kiss you.

-To kiss me? -Yes.

I was a great friend of your late father.

-Of my late father? -Yes.

He was a very honorable gentleman.

What did you say?

I said that he was a very honorable gentleman.

-My father? -Yes.

-You knew him very well? -Assuredly.

And you knew him as a gentleman?

Without a doubt.

Then I don't know what is going on!

What?

There are some fools who want to tell me that he was a tradesman.

Him, a tradesman? It's pure slander, he never was one.

All that he did was to be very obliging, very ready to help,

and since he was a connoisseur in cloth,

he went all over to choose them, had them brought to his house,

and gave them to his friends for money.

I'm delighted to know you,

so you can testify to the fact

that my father was a gentleman.

I'll attest to it before all the world.

You'll oblige me.

What business brings you here?

Since knowing your late father,

honorable gentleman, as I told you, I have traveled through all the world.

-Through all the world! -Yes.

I imagine it's a long way from here to there.

Assuredly.

I returned from all my long voyages only four days ago

and because of the interest I take in all that concerns you,

I come to announce to you the best news in the world.

What?

You know that the son of the Grand Turk is here?

Me? No.

What! He has a very magnificent retinue, everybody goes to see it,

and he has been received in this country as an important lord.

By my faith! I didn't know that.

The advantage to you in this

is that he is in love with your daughter.

-The son of the Grand Turk? -Yes.

And he wants to be your son-in-law.

My son-in-law, the son of the Grand Turk?

The son of the Grand Turk, your son-in-law.

As I went to see him,

and as I perfectly understand his language,

he conversed with me, and after some other discourse,

he said to me, "Acciam croc soler ouch alla moustaph gidelum

"amanahem varabini oussere carbulath."

That is to say,

"Haven't you seen a beautiful young person

"who is the daughter of Monsieur Jourdain, gentleman of Paris?"

The son of the Grand Turk said that of me?

Yes.

Inasmuch as I told him in reply that I knew you particularly well

and that I had seen your daughter,

"Ah!" he said to me, "marababa sahem."

Which is to say,

"Ah, how I am enamored of her!"

Marr... Marababa?

"Marababa sahem" means, "Ah, how I am enamored of her"?

Yes.

By my faith, you do well to tell me,

since for me, I would never have believed

that "marababa sahem" could have meant,

"How I am enamored of her!"

What an admirable language Turkish is!

More admirable than one can believe.

Do you know what "cacaracamouchen" means?

Cacaracamouchen?

Cacaraca...

No.

It means,

"my dear soul."

Cacaracamouchen! Cacaracamouchen,

means "my dear soul"?

Yes.

That's marvelous! Cacaracamouchen.

"My dear soul."

Who would have thought?

I'm dumbfounded.

Cacaracamouchen! "My dear soul."

Cacaracamouchen. "My dear soul."

Cacaracamouchen.

Cacaracamouchen.

Cacaracamouchen.

Finally, to complete my assignment,

he comes to ask for your daughter in marriage.

And in order to have a father-in-law who should be worthy of him,

he wants to make you a Mamamouchi,

which is a certain high rank in his country.

Mamamouchi?

Yes, Mamamouchi. That is to say,

in our language, a Paladin.

Paladin is one of those ancient...

Well, Paladin!

There is none nobler than that in the world,

and you will be equal to the greatest lords of the earth.

The son of the Grand Turk honors me greatly.

Please take me to him in order to express my thanks.

What! He is going to come here.

-He's coming here? -Yes.

And he is bringing everything for the ceremony of bestowing your rank.

That seems very quick.

His love can suffer no delay.

All that embarrasses me here is that my daughter is a stubborn one

who has gotten into her head a certain Cléonte,

and she swears she'll marry no one but him.

She'll change her mind when she sees the son of the Grand Turk.

And then there is a remarkable coincidence here,

it is that the son of the Grand Turk resembles this Cléonte

very closely.

I just saw him, someone showed him to me.

And the love she has for the one can easily pass to the other...

I hear him coming. There he is.

Ambousahim oqui boraf, Iordina, salamalequi.

That is to say, "Monsieur Jourdain,

"may your heart be all the year like a flowering rosebush."

This is the way of speaking politely in those countries.

I am the most humble servant of His Turkish Highness.

He says, "Heaven gives you the strength of lions

"and the wisdom of serpents."

His Turkish Highness honors me too much,

and I wish him all sorts of good fortune.

He says that you should go with him quickly

to prepare yourself for the ceremony,

then you can see your daughter and conclude the marriage.

So many things in two words?

Yes, the Turkish language is like that, it says much in few words.

Go quickly where he wants.

My faith, that was hilarious.

What a dupe!

If he had learned his role by heart,

he could not have played it better.

Excuse me, Sir, wouldn't you like to help us here

in an affair taking place?

Covielle, who would have recognized you?

-How you are made up! -You see?

What are you laughing at?

At a thing, Sir, that well deserves it.

What?

I'll give you many chances,

Sir, to guess the stratagem

we are using on Monsieur Jourdain

to get him to give his daughter to my master.

I can't guess the stratagem,

but it won't fail in its effect since you are undertaking it.

I see, Sir, that you know me too well.

Tell me what it is.

Come over here a little to make room for what I see coming.

You can see part of the story, while I tell you the rest.

Star bon Turca Giourdina?

Hi, valla.

Ti star nobilé.

Non star fabbola.

Pigliar schiabbola.

Ah, My God! Mercy!

What is all of this?

What a spectacle!

Are you dressed for a masquerade?

And is this a time to go masked?

Speak then, what is this?

Who has bundled you up like that?

See the impertinent woman,

to speak in this way to a Mamamouchi!

How's that?

Yes, you must show me respect now,

as I've just been made a Mamamouchi.

What are you trying to say with your Mamamouchi?

Mamamouchi, I tell you.

I'm a Mamamouchi.

What animal is that?

Mamamouchi, that is to say, in our language, Paladin.

Baladin! Are you of an age to dance in ballets?

What an ignorant woman! I said Paladin.

It's a dignity which has just been bestowed upon me in a ceremony.

What ceremony then?

Mahameta per Iordina.

-What does that mean? -Iordina, that is to say, Jourdain.

Very well, what of Jourdain?

Voler far un Paladina de Iordina.

-What? -Dar turbanta con galera.

-Which is to say what? -Per deffender Palestina.

-What are you trying to say? -Dara dara bastonara.

What jargon is this?

Non tener honta : questa star l'ultima affronta.

What in the world is all that?

Alas! Oh Lord, my husband has gone mad.

Peace, insolent woman!

Show respect to the Monsieur Mamamouchi.

Has he lost his mind?

We must hurry to stop him from going out.

Ah! This is the last straw!

I see nothing but shame on all sides.

Yes, Madame, you shall see the most amusing thing imaginable.

I don't believe it would be possible to find in all the world

another man as crazy as that one is.

And then too, Madame, we must try to help Cléonte's plan

by supporting his masquerade.

He's a very gallant man and deserves our help.

I think highly of him and he deserves happiness.

Besides that, we have here, another ballet performance

that we shouldn't miss.

And I want to see if my idea will succeed.

I saw magnificent preparations.

And I can no longer permit this, Dorante.

Yes, I finally want to end your extravagances.

And to stop all these expenses

that I see you go to for me,

I have decided

to marry you right away.

This is the truth of it.

That all these sorts of things end with marriage, as you know.

Ah! Madame, is it possible

that you should have taken such a sweet decision in my favor?

It is only to impede you from ruining yourself.

Without that, I see very well that before long

you would not have a penny.

How obliged I am to you,

for the care you have to conserve my money!

It is entirely yours, as well as my heart,

and you may use them in whatever fashion you please.

I'll make use of them both.

But here is your man.

Wonderful costume.

Sir, we come to pay homage, Madame and I,

to your new dignity.

And to rejoice with you at the marriage

between your daughter and the son of the Grand Turk.

Sir, I wish you the strength of serpents

and the wisdom of lions.

I was very glad, Sir, to be among the first

to come to congratulate you

upon rising to such a high degree of honor.

Madame,

I wish your rosebush to flower all year long.

I am infinitely obliged to you for taking part in the honors

bestowed upon me and I am very happy to see you returned here

so I can make very humble excuses

for the ridiculous behavior of my wife.

That's nothing. I excuse her jumping to conclusions.

Your heart must be precious to her,

and it isn't strange that the possession of such a man as you

should inspire some jealousy.

The possession of my heart is a thing that has been entirely gained by you.

You see, Madame, that Monsieur Jourdain

is not one of those men that good fortune blinds,

and that he still knows, even in his glory, how to recognize his friends.

Pardon me.

It is the mark of a completely generous soul.

Where then is His Turkish Highness?

We want, as your friends, to pay him our respects.

There he comes, and I have sent for my daughter

in order to give him her hand.

Sir, we come to bow to Your Highness

as friends of the gentleman who is your father-in-law,

and to assure you with respect of our humble services.

Where's the interpreter to tell him who you are

and to make him understand what you say?

You will see that he will reply, and that he speaks Turkish marvelously.

Hey there! Where the devil has he gone?

Strouf, strif, strof, straf.

The gentleman

is a grande Segnore.

Grande Segnore!

Grande Segnore.

And

Madame is a granda Dama.

Granda Dama.

He, Monsieur,

he French Mamamauchi,

and Madame

also French Mamamouchie.

I can't say it more clearly.

Oh well.

Good, here's the interpreter.

Where are you going? We won't know how to say anything without you.

Tell him that Monsieur and Madame

are persons of high rank,

who have come to pay their respects to him, as my friends,

and to assure him of their services.

You'll see how he will reply.

See?

He says that the rain of prosperity

should water the garden of your family in all seasons.

I told you that he speaks Turkish.

That's wonderful.

Come, my daughter. Come here

and give your hand to the gentleman

who does you the honor of asking for you in marriage.

What! Father, look at you! Are you playing in a comedy?

No, no, this is not a comedy, it's a serious matter,

and as full of honor for you as possible.

There is the husband I give you.

-To me, father? -Yes, to you.

Come, put your hand in his,

and give thanks to Heaven for your happiness.

I have absolutely no wish to marry.

I wish it, I, who am your father.

I'll do nothing of the sort.

Ah! What a nuisance! Come, I tell you. Give your hand.

No, my father.

I told you, there is no power on earth

that can make me take any husband other than Cléonte!

Lucile!

And I will go to extreme measures!

Lucile!

It is true that you are my father, I owe you complete obedience.

And it is for you to dispose of me according to your wishes.

I am delighted to see you return so promptly

to your duty, and it pleases me to have an obedient daughter.

What now?

What's this?

They say that you want to give your daughter in marriage

to a someone in a Carnival costume?

Will you be quiet, impertinent woman?

You always throw your absurdities into everything.

There's no teaching you to be reasonable.

It's you that there is no way of making wise,

and you go from folly to folly.

What is your plan?

And what do you want to do with this assemblage of people?

I want to marry our daughter to the son of the Grand Turk.

To the son of the Grand Turk?

Yes. Greet him through the interpreter there.

I don't need an interpreter,

and I'll tell him straight out myself to his face,

that there is no way he will have my daughter.

I ask again, will you be quiet?

What! Madame Jourdain, do you oppose such good fortune as that?

You refuse His Turkish Highness as your son-in-law?

My goodness, Sir, mind your own business.

It's a great glory, which is not to be rejected.

Madame, I beg you also not to concern yourself with

what does not affect you.

It's the friendship we have for you that makes us involve ourselves.

I can get along quite well without your friendship.

Your daughter here agrees to the wishes of her father.

My daughter consents to marry a Turk?

-Without a doubt. -She can forget Cléonte?

What wouldn't one do to be a great lady?

I would strangle her with my own hands

if she did something like that.

That is just so much talk. I tell you, this marriage shall take place.

I say there is no way that it will happen.

-Oh, what a row! -Mother!

Go away, you are a hussy.

What! You quarrel with her for obeying me?

Yes. She is mine as much as yours.

-Mine! -Mine!

-Madame. -What do you want to tell me?

-A word. -I want nothing to do with your word.

Sir, if she will hear a word in private,

I promise you to make her consent to what you want.

I will never consent to it.

-Madame, only listen to me. -No.

-Listen to him. -No, I don't want to.

He is going tell you...

I don't want him to tell me anything.

Women's stubbornness!

How can it hurt you to listen to him?

Listen, after, do as you please.

Alright! What?

For an hour, Madame, we've been signaling to you.

Don't you see all this is done only to accommodate

the fantasies of your husband,

that we are fooling him under this disguise

and that it is Cléonte himself who is the son of the Grand Turk?

And I...

And I, Covielle, am the interpreter?

If this is the case, then I surrender.

Don't let on.

Yes, it's done.

I agree to the marriage.

Now everyone's reasonable.

You didn't want to hear it.

I knew he would explain what it means to be the son of the Grand Turk.

He explained it to me very well.

And I am satisfied.

Let us send for a notary.

This is very well said.

And Madame Jourdain,

in order to relieve your mind completely

and that you may lose today all the jealousy

that you may have conceived of your husband,

we shall have the same notary marry us, Madame and me.

I agree to that also.

Is this to make her believe our story?

It is necessary to amuse her with this pretense.

Good, good!

Someone go for the notary.

While we wait for him to come and while he draws up the contracts,

let us see our ballet, and divert His Turkish Highness with it.

That is very well advised. Come, let's take our places.

And Nicole?

I give her to the interpreter.

And my wife to whoever wants her.

Sir, I thank you.

I thank you!

If one can find a greater fool, I'll go to Rome to tell it.

Thief! To the guillotine!

CHINESE LOAN, 5% GOLD 1903

PRICE 10 CENTS

MY TAPE AND MY TOUPEE BY LOUIS-PHILIPPE

CHINESE LOAN, 5% GOLD 1903

IMPERIAL JAPANESE GOVERNMENT

DOMAINE DE CORNE BICHÉ SHARES OF 100 FRANCS

CHAMPS-ELYSEES PROPERTY PREFERRED SHARE OF 1,000 FRANCS