Original subtitles

♪ mysterious music playing ♪

[explosion]

THE GREAT ONE: Earth...

Prepare for the coming of The Great One.

[whooshing]

- There was a time when the Dapto Royal Show

was about coming together as a community

to sing songs or pick the best-looking sheep.

Now it's just a bunch of hoons.

I can't confront them as model citizen Kevin Williams,

but I bet Koala Man would have something to say about this.

- You promised no Koala Man at the show. It's a family fun day.

Now come on. What should we do first?

Showbags! Get your showbags!

So many bags of unbelievable fun, suited to any interest.

What a unique and fun tradition we Australians have.

- [kids cheering] - So much chocolate!

Novelty stickers and toys!

- I paid 20 bucks for $6 worth of stuff. I am so happy!

- I've been saving up all year for this moment.

I need to get the SwordStorm showbag before it sells out!

- Those showbags are just worthless trinkets and lollies.

No, they are currency, Mother.

Currency I will use to buy Rosie Yodel's friendship.

- Liam, come on. - Yay.

- Ah, well. At least you and I can spend some quality time together.

- Oi. You lot. Try coming together

and doing something productive as a community for once.

Sorry, love. The debauchery has proven too much for me.

Oh, is it alright if you pick me up a prawn showbag?

Thank you, darling. I'll pay you back later.

Oi. Come back here! You're not allowed to do that.

- Hey, Janine, do you wanna ride the Ferris wheel with me?

Nobody else wants to.

- Can't. Today woulda been mine and Gerry's 20th anniversary,

and I'm gonna masturbate to full splooge at the top of the wheel,

just like he used to.

God rest his soul.

Right...

Well, I don't wanna intrude on you and Gerry's... tradition.

- Move, you little shit holes. It's my anniversary.

♪ romantic piano music playing ♪

Happy anniversary, my sweet prince.

Ohh... ohh...

♪ Gerry, Gerry ♪

♪ Driving me up so silly ♪

- ♪ Gerry, Gerry ♪ - Ooh, ahh...

♪ Callin' my name, drivin' me insane ♪

♪ Oh, Gerry ♪

Whoaaa.

[sighs]

♪ ominous music rising ♪

♪ theme song playing ♪

♪

Koala Kode 88.

Remember, that's not a knife. This is a knife.

And it's illegal in New South Wales.

[bed springs creaking]

KEVIN: Ugh... ugh...

And done.

Ahh, good job, Vicky. Down to four minutes.

Top-notch efficiency.

Now, where's my prawn showbag?

Ah. There it is.

Kevin... we should talk about our...

intimate time.

It would be nice if we could both be a little more aware

of each other's needs.

So we can both have a good time. Do you understand?

Of course, love.

You're worried it's gone stale for me, but fear not.

You always get my piggies out of the barn.

- Prawn? - No, thanks.

[gulps]

[gulping]

Hmm. Janine still hasn't responded to any of my messages.

I hope she's okay.

[Kevin snoring]

Ah, I'm probably just fussed over nothing.

♪ ominous music rising ♪

[cow bell jangles]

Oh, my God, thank you so much.

So cuuuute.

You are so nice, I love it.

- Wow, Alison, I can't believe everyone had the same idea

to buy Rosie's friendship with showbags.

- If only there were some way to stand out from these pathetic losers.

- I told you kids. No showbags at school.

Everybody pack it up.

I know, I know.

Believe me, if anybody sympathizes, 'tis this fella.

I've been a showbag enthusiast my whole life.

Would you believe I own over a thousand showbags,

including the rare 2002 Kath & Kim showbag?

Believe it.

I own just about every showbag there is.

Except, of course...

- the Forbidden Showbag. - The what?

- Legend has it, a showbag was created that was so full

of pure, unadulterated fun, it nearly destroyed Dapto.

They were forced to bury it and kill its creator.

It's rumored to still be in Dapto till this very day.

- Wow. If anyone gave me the Forbidden Showbag,

they would instantly become my BFF.

The hunt is on.

[phone dials]

JANINE: [on voicemail] Leave a fuckin' message. Bah!

- [phone beeps] - Janine, where are you?

Things aren't great with Kevin, and I need some support.

From anybody.

Odd...

Huh. Must be one of those TikTok dances from the internet.

- [droning voice] You are worthy of love.

[gasps] I am?

[Daptonians groaning]

Lunch? At this hour?

Unheard of, unsanctioned, and unacceptable.

The love we deserve will be here soon.

The Great One is coming.

Who in blazes is The Great One?

MASK: It's dodgy, mate.

You and I know the only Great One is Angus Young from AC/DC.

And I guarantee he's not here. Probably at home preparing for a tour.

Speaking of, I think we should really consider buying tickets

to see him in Sydney.

- I would, but money's a bit tight right now--

MASK: Nah, yeh, nah. Why catch a legend live, eh?

Just watch a shit recording of it after he's passed.

- Well, I suppose I could talk to Vicky--

- There! He has not known The Great One's love.

You seem stressed, Kevin. [staff groaning]

Can I offer you a massage?

- This is not proper office behavior, Clarko.

I shall be forced to call HR to report harassment of a sexual nature.

This is not on.

MASK: Get us out of here, mate.

♪ ominous music playing ♪

- Vicky. Vicky, we have to get out of here.

Something's wrong with Dapto, and it's clearly a sex thing.

Kevin, stop.

Don't you see?

It's love.

We are all worthy of love.

No... not you too, Vicky.

ALL: The Great One is coming.

Join the community.

Noooooooooooo.

ALL: You are worthy of looooooove.

- That is a private matter fit only for my marital bed.

- Listen to them, Kevin. We are worthy of love.

Both of us.

[horn honking]

[bodies thud]

Best hop in if ya wanna live, mate.

[tires squeal]

What the hell, Kevin? Uch, typical.

The moment things got serious, he pops on his mask

and runs off to have one of his little adventures.

You are worthy of love, Vicky.

- Thank you, Mrs. Banks. You've all been so supportive.

It's like everyone in the town knew exactly what I needed to hear today.

Yes, yes. How about a massage?

Oh, ooh, that feels nice.

Gosh, I've been so tense lately.

SPIDER: He's clean.

Those damn grubby Grabbers didn't get him.

Koala Man, I'm so glad you're okay.

Big Greg said you weren't worth the petrol,

but I think you're the only one who can save us.

- More than likely correct, Louise. Now, what happened to everyone?

Whole town's gone psycho.

Seems like if one of those Grabbers

starts giving you a rub-down, you turn into one of them.

No happy endings.

- Darren. The fuck are ya, ya dickhead?

I'm fuckin' scared. [sobbing]

- I can only hope whatever evil has befallen Dapto,

the children have been spared.

This is awesome!

No parents, no teachers, no rules!

Whooo!

- Alison, I'm frightened. Where are all the adults?

Should we call Mum and Dad to pick us up?

- Quit being such a yeasty puss and help me find that Forbidden Showbag.

- Alison, I don't like this. I think--

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Can you hear me, boy?

My word, it's been so long.

- Wh-who said that?

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: I'm inside your head.

I sense you have The Gift.

You'll learn to control it in time, unless it drives you mad.

But for now, if you want the Forbidden Showbag,

you must find me.

- What's wrong with you? - Follow me.

[electronic beeping, buzzer sounds]

Welcome to my panic room.

Safest place in Dapto.

Bet you don't have one of these, Koala Man.

- Personally, I've always found you don't need a panic room

if you don't plan to panic.

[rattles] Agh! What is that?

- This is the reason we're starting our mission here.

Voilà.

You are all worthy of looooove.

Darren, nooooooo!

- Darren, what's happening on the Council roof?

Who is The Great One?

- The Great One lives in six-dimensional space

in a realm of pure pleasure.

He seeded the cosmos with his meteors

so that we might prepare for his coming.

Prepare? How?

- A crystal rocket. At the top of the Council building.

We will build it together, enter as a community,

and The Great One will take us to a place

where we'll be enveloped in his love forever.

- Fuck Oath. How are we supposed to stop an alien?

- By coming up with a very, very, very good plan.

♪ dramatic music rises ♪

Or at least just a very good-- I probably put too many "very"s in there, didn't I?

VICKY: And then he started eating prawns in bed.

Left the heads and poop chutes on the pillow.

I feel like I can still smell it on me.

Oh! Uch, god, it's disgusting.

We do not like the shell creatures.

Please hand me the thrust regulator.

- Oh, did I ever tell you about the time I told Kevin I bought lingerie,

and he thought he was getting linguine for dinner?

Hmm. This one takes the cake.

Things I love: sunshine...

bilbies... being me self...

And most of all, I love me best mate, Damo.

- Aw, Darren, you're me favorite dickhead too.

I can't take this anymore.

Thanks, mate.

Ah, that feels good.

- [screams] - Christ.

Those little meth heads are escaping.

Koala Man, help!

Oi, boys. Over here.

I'd like one of those comfy massages you've been talking about.

BOTH: Join our community of love.

Ugh.

Gotcha, ya grub.

[screams] He's working the knots out.

- Spider! SPIDER: Uggh.

Stay back, Koala Man.

I feel worthy of love...

- You're not, Spider. Goddamn it, you're not.

- [Darren and Damo groan] - Ughh...

Remember me as I lived...

a yucker and a fucker.

Spider!

Well, that went terribly.

Your fault entirely.

What now, Koala Man?

- They've taken Kevin Williams' beautiful wife Vicky,

and now they've taken my best friend.

But they won't take Dapto.

There's only one thing left for us to do:

destroy the rocket.

♪ dramatic music fades ♪

How?

[clicks tongue] Dunno.

- [sniffs] Why does it smell like the bloody ocean in here?

- Ah, sorry, yeah, that'd be my pocket prawn.

In case I get hungry.

How are we looking back there, Louise?

Koala Bomb is ready to go.

Ah. Cute little fella, isn't he?

I didn't know you were so tech savvy, Louise.

- I... I've been taking engineering classes on the side

in case it would be useful to you.

Aw, that's sweet of you, Louise.

If I were ever in the market for a sidekick,

you'd be considered along with several other qualified individuals.

Eucalyptus oil would fix that right up.

- Fix what? - Sore joints.

Be happy to gather a bit for ya sometime.

- Oh, the hands. Right... Yeah, nah, nah, it's nothing.

Old fishing injury is all.

Oh, my God... there it is.

[tires squeal]

♪ ominous music rising ♪

- That's the biggest rocket I've ever seen.

Eh, I've seen bigger.

Liam! What are we doing in here?

- I can't explain it, but I hear someone calling to me...

in my mind.

- I knew it. You have psychic powers. This is so unfair.

JAMES SHOWBAG: If the Forbidden Showbag you seek,

perhaps I, James Showbag,

inventor of the showbag, may be of use.

- Alison! This brain says he knows where the Forbidden Showbag is.

- I can't hear anything. Tell Wrinkles to spill it.

JAMES SHOWBAG: The Forbidden Showbag was my greatest creation,

but it was too powerful,

and the people of Dapto sentenced me to wallow in brine and my own filth

for all eternity, that I may serve as a warning

to any who dared create another bag of infinite fun.

- Could you please tell us where the Forbidden Showbag is, James?

JAMES SHOWBAG: I can.

But in exchange you must do something for me.

Kill me.

What? No. I like you.

JAMES SHOWBAG: Please, sweet boy.

Years I have waited for someone with The Gift to hear my cries.

Help an old, tired brain leave this cruel world.

- He says he'll tell us where the bag is, but only if we promise to kill him.

- Sure, whatever. Let's just do it.

JAMES SHOWBAG: Huzzah!

The Forbidden Showbag is in a catacomb

hidden beneath the Fun Fair Ball stand.

Last clown mouth on the right.

- Ugh, did he say where it is yet? - Yeah, but--

JAMES SHOWBAG: Wait, no! I've changed my mind!

I want to live. We can be friends--

No!

Aaah.

[Daptonians muttering]

If I can just get the little guy inside,

we'll be properly placed for maximum destruction.

[gears whirring]

Aw, you bastard.

I'm sorry, Koala Man.

Forget it, mate. It's over.

We can't just give up, Big Greg.

Oh, Koala Man, Koala Man...

You need to relax...

Maybe get a massage...

What did you say?

We're all worthy of love, Koala Man...

including you.

- Koala Man! - Louise!

Don't worry about me.

Now, go... save us, Koala Man.

Kevin, you came back.

You were right about the community needing to do something positive together.

Now you can be a part of it too.

- Oh, bitter irony. Now stand aside, insane Vicky.

I have to blow up this rocket before an interdimensional being comes for us.

- Wait, what...? - Hold on a tick, Vicky.

Your eyes. They're not pink.

Have you not been turned?

- Turned? What the hell are you talk--

- A community united in love cannot be stopped, little bear.

The vessel is complete.

Let us board for The Great One's visit.

Seize them!

ALL: You are worthy of love.

- Starting to feel like I might have missed some red flags.

♪ mysterious music playing ♪

- The Great One will descend at any moment.

Now let Koala Man and Vicky know the ecstasy of the joining.

Noooooooooooo...

- They stink of the prawn. Totally gross.

They cannot be turned.

Well, well, well, Vicky.

Looks like my prawn showbag stopped us from being turned into mindless zombies.

- Huh. Well, maybe that wouldn't have been such a bad thing.

Do you know why? Because they listen.

You go on and on about community,

but what you really want is for everything to be your way all the time.

At the show, in the bedroom...

There's never room for what anyone else wants, including me.

So, yes, maybe I missed the fact

that everyone has been turned into massage zombies

and were building a rocket to the sixth dimension,

but at least they made me feel loved.

You need to do that for me, or...

or who knows what can happen?

Vicky... I'm sorry.

[rumbling] [Vicky gasps]

The Great One is here!

- There it is. The last clown mouth on the right.

Come on.

[hydraulics hissing]

♪ ominous music playing ♪

Come on, we're close.

Wow...

Rosie's gonna love it.

Maybe I should just have a quick peek.

[whooshing]

Dear god... so much fun...

the hours of entertainment...

I could stay here forever!

Why should I give it to Rosie?

All the fun for Alison.

Alison. Let it go!

James said it's too powerful.

You just want it for yourself.

But it's mine. Mine!

[thunder crashing]

THE GREAT ONE: Citizens of Dapto.

Are you ready to accept infinite love?

We are ready.

We unite as a community of love.

THE GREAT ONE: Let the journey begin!

We're goin' to space, Darren.

Finally.

THE GREAT ONE: Mmhhh... yeah, yeah, that's good... right there.

ALISON: Hmm. That doesn't look like space.

HE GREAT ONE Fuck yeah, that's good. Ahhh.

The Great One is coming!

The Great One cometh.

Oh, my God.

We're inside it. The Great One is using us as a dildo.

THE GREAT ONE: Agh! Come on, you dirty little slut of a planet.

Fuck me!

[metal clanging]

[both groaning] [erotic chatter continues]

Yeah, yeah, right there, right there...

I knew this was a sex thing.

Kevin, look.

THE GREAT ONE: Oh, yeah. I'm gonna fuck this planet to death.

- If this thing keeps pleasuring itself with us, it'll tear Dapto apart.

How are we going to get it off us?

By getting it off.

[screaming]

- Alison, we have to get out of here! We're going to die!

Then I'll die happy. Leave me.

[rumbling] Ohhh!

- Uhhh. - Noooo!

LIAM: Come on.

[thuds]

I don't know about this.

- I promise. If you listen to me, I can get us out of here.

But I'm not very good at this thing.

It's okay. I'll help you.

[beeping]

Okay, keep going.

Nice and slow, nice and slow...

- Now left. - Left?

- Really? - Left, Kevin. Left, now, left.

Circular motion.

KOALA MAN: Oh, no. Something's happening.

We better stop and completely change the rhythm of what we're doing.

- No, Kevin, we're close. Keep going, consistent motion, don't stop.

But it's been over four minutes.

ALISON: Don't... stop.

KOALA MAN: Oh. I see something.

I think we're getting there.

I'm learning, Vicky.

Yes! Keep going!

Yes! KOALA MAN: Tell me when we're there.

We're here. We're here.

KOALA MAN: Bombs away? VICKY: Yes. Blow it!

[The Great One groans]

THE GREAT ONE: Wraaarrrrrrwwwwwwww-fuckkkkk.

Uhh.

Vicky. We did it. We got it off.

- And it's not the only one... Koala Stud.

Mwwwwah.

THE GREAT ONE: Ohh. I don't know what to say.

No planet's ever done that for me before.

I usually fuck planets to death and never get off, but...

we must have had some sort of real connection.

This might be too early to say, but...

I think I'm falling in love with you, Earth.

Give me a minute, but then we can go again...

rougher this time.

- I hadn't counted on this. Who's ever heard of going multiple times?

We're doomed.

Mum, Dad!

We've been looking all over for the adults.

We murdered a nice brain and Alison found the Forbidden Showbag.

And Liam ruined it.

THE GREAT ONE: Oh, you've got kids?

Uh, actually, I just remembered I have this work thing in the morning.

So I should probably go.

But no, this was, this was fun.

Um, yeah, I'll totally text you, hey.

Alright, see ya.

Good work, kids.

You helped save the planet from an alien sex pest.

Can't believe that's really a thing. What a world we live in now.

- I didn't want to save the planet. I wanted to be popular.

[liquid burbling]

- In the end, The Great One was nothing more

than an interdimensional fuckboi.

Why does this keep happening to me?

Aw, Christ.

Who's gonna clean all this up?

Did someone say... who?

- Gotta give Dapto credit. We drained him good.

LIAM: Goodbye, my friend.

You may have been just a brain in a jar,

but I shall always remember...

[sniffles] ...your heart.

- I suppose you got what you wanted in the end:

the whole town working together to clean up Dapto.

I was thinking we could work on something else together later...

Oooh. Cheeky. I'd like that.

Though, there really is still a lot of alien ejaculate to clean up.

THE GREAT ONE: Fuck yeah, I'd hit that.

Nope. Ugly.

Thicc.

Agh! No kids.

Hit it and quit it.

You bloody legend.

♪ hard rock playing ♪

♪ theme song playing ♪

♪ fanfare playing ♪

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0