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1
00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:05,632
Growing up, we all
have our embarrassing secrets.
2
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,150
Mine was that
I loved George Michael and
3
00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:20,243
I wanted to dance
exactly like him.
4
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:24,383
Yup, this was the kinda secret I
didn't want to tell anyone...
5
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:26,619
Even my best friend,
Emmy Mirsky,
6
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,387
and we told each
other everything.
7
00:00:28,461 --> 00:00:30,656
So, what's it gonna be, Muscles?
8
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,198
It's the biggest decision of my life.
Just let me think.
9
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:34,732
What's to think about?
10
00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:36,826
Brian McMann made it
pretty darn clear.
11
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,372
Do you like him?
Yes or no?
12
00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:41,737
Can't I just write in a third
box that says, "Maybe"?
13
00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:43,241
You've been in love
with him since
14
00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:45,277
first grade. I'm
checking, "Yes." No!
15
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:50,675
Okay. I'm gonna tell you the
hugest secret on the planet,
16
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,685
but you have to swear on our
friendship you won't ever tell anyone.
17
00:00:53,753 --> 00:00:55,914
Okay. I swear on our friendship.
18
00:00:56,022 --> 00:00:58,650
I kissed Rob Butchenhart behind
the gym during the fire drill.
19
00:00:58,725 --> 00:00:59,714
No way!
20
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,454
I've spun quite the web.
21
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:03,587
All right. I'm gonna
tell you a secret.
22
00:01:03,663 --> 00:01:05,688
But you gotta swear
on our friendship,
23
00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:09,496
under penalty of death, that
you won't ever tell anyone.
24
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,230
Done. I pulled that fire alarm.
25
00:01:11,337 --> 00:01:12,429
What? Why?
26
00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:13,767
I sat in pudding at lunch.
27
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,274
I didn't want anyone to
misinterpret the situation.
28
00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:17,638
I got something to tell you,
29
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:19,974
but you have to swear on our
friendship you won't get mad.
30
00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:21,035
I swear.
31
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:22,476
I put that pudding
cup on your chair.
32
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,276
Damn it! Now
I can't get mad.
33
00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:26,250
Stupid friendship swear.
34
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:28,082
You know what? I'm marking,
"Yes." What... No!
35
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,088
You may
wonder if we told all this
36
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:31,418
embarrassing
stuff to each other,
37
00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:33,982
why would I keep my
awesome moves a secret?
38
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,083
This is why.
39
00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:48,840
Snuggle monster!
40
00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:51,343
I can't believe you
broke your arm dancing.
41
00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:53,173
It was either that or
when Mom jumped on me.
42
00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:55,946
I'm so psyched. This
severe compound fracture
43
00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:57,880
is my ticket to popularity.
44
00:01:58,084 --> 00:02:00,552
Nerd's right. Everybody
loves the kid in the cast.
45
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,645
Yeah, until everybody finds
out how he broke it.
46
00:02:02,722 --> 00:02:05,213
Why? What's wrong with a
lonely boy in his room
47
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:06,280
videotaping himself
48
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:08,088
shaking his groove thing
to George Michael?
49
00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:09,755
Yeah, I hear it now.
50
00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:12,296
Just come up with a good
lie, something cool.
51
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:15,492
Got it! You were van-surfing
like Stiles from Teen Wolf!
52
00:02:15,668 --> 00:02:17,431
Idiot, we don't have a van.
53
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:18,971
No, wait, something
about ninjas!
54
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:20,869
No, wait, sharks.
Ninja sharks!
55
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:21,929
Just keep it simple.
56
00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:23,873
Say you broke it
skateboarding or something.
57
00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:27,905
I'm telling you, ninja sharks.
58
00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:30,808
Erica was right,
keep it cool and simple.
59
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,281
And I knew just the thing.
60
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:36,650
That year, Robert Zemeckis,
director of Back to the Future II
61
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:38,087
gave an interview
where he admitted
62
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,592
that hoverboards
were, in fact, real.
63
00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:42,852
They've been
around for years, it's just that...
64
00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:46,092
Parents' groups have not let
toy manufacturers make 'em.
65
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,292
But we got our hands on some.
66
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:48,732
Thanks to Mr. Zemeckis,
67
00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:50,792
I had a cover story
anyone would believe.
68
00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:52,030
Hoverboard.
69
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:54,297
I was on a hoverboard!
70
00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:55,396
Argh!
71
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,500
Ripped By mstoll
72
00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,582
It was December
3, 1980-something,
73
00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:13,319
and just like
every night my mom was
74
00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:15,759
working her fingers to the
bone to make us dinner.
75
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,820
She whisked,
balled, and breaded,
76
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,565
customizing each
plate to our tastes.
77
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,257
Extra meat sauce.
78
00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:24,369
No meat sauce.
79
00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:26,098
Just meat sauce.
80
00:03:26,239 --> 00:03:27,501
And for all the hard work,
81
00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:29,269
this was the thanks
she'd always get.
82
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:30,703
Jell-O again?
83
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:32,404
I hate this stuff.
Barf.
84
00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:34,070
Excuse me!
85
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,911
I have been slaving
over a hot stove all day.
86
00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:39,543
Do you know how many meals in a
row I've cooked for you people?
87
00:03:40,119 --> 00:03:41,313
53,000.
88
00:03:41,487 --> 00:03:42,476
That can't be right.
89
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:44,250
- Thank your mother.
- Thank you.
90
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,221
Oh. That's not
why I do it.
91
00:03:46,626 --> 00:03:48,059
It's exactly why she did it.
92
00:03:48,361 --> 00:03:50,329
I mean, sure,
my feet ache, and I've
93
00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:52,431
done permanent
damage to my arches
94
00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:54,966
and probably ruined a very
lucrative dance career,
95
00:03:55,034 --> 00:03:56,968
but I think it's worth it.
96
00:03:57,136 --> 00:03:58,831
My dad didn't
normally get involved, but
97
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,668
when it came to food,
he was full of ideas.
98
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:03,935
You know what, Bevy? I think
you should take tomorrow off.
99
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:05,475
- What's that?
- Yeah,
100
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:06,977
a new restaurant opened up
around the corner.
101
00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:08,673
It's called China Garden.
102
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:10,839
Chinese food? Never had
it, so I don't like it.
103
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:12,583
Yup,
the 80s was a simpler time,
104
00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:14,745
when your small town
only had four restaurants,
105
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:18,018
the bar and grill, the sandwich
place, the other sandwich place,
106
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,719
and Bennigan's, which was
also a sandwich place.
107
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,621
Come on, it looks good.
108
00:04:22,795 --> 00:04:24,422
There's a happy
dragon on the sign
109
00:04:24,497 --> 00:04:25,691
patting his full tummy.
110
00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:27,991
You know, Dave Kim's
parents own that place.
111
00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:31,061
Oh, maybe we can get
some free french fries!
112
00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:34,035
Hey, stupid.
Its Chinese fries.
113
00:04:34,173 --> 00:04:35,367
Well, I'm sold.
114
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,102
Let Dave Kim's mom deal with you
115
00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:38,803
ungrateful animals
for the night.
116
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:41,271
But there was one
thing my mom didn't count on.
117
00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:44,243
Chinese food is
the greatest thing ever!
118
00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:46,676
Holy balls!
119
00:04:46,986 --> 00:04:50,217
They put pork inside of a pancake.
Right inside!
120
00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:52,047
I feel like I'm crying a little.
121
00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:53,955
Flavor is literally
exploding through
122
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,858
the crispy skin,
right into my taste buds!
123
00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:57,924
It's a little
greasy for my palate.
124
00:04:58,197 --> 00:04:59,789
Said my
insanely jealous mom...
125
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:01,732
Everybody enjoying
the food so far?
126
00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:03,697
Mmm-hmm.
- Oh, my God, yes.
127
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,260
We're gonna come tomorrow
night and every other night
128
00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:06,771
for the rest of our lives.
129
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,999
Dave Kim is a very lucky boy.
130
00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:12,067
In that moment, Beverly
Goldberg saw another mom get something
131
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,079
she'd never got before,
132
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,705
true appreciation.
133
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:16,840
Moo shu?
134
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:18,439
Oh!
135
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:22,249
Oh, that was my fault.
Um...
136
00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:23,648
Well, it's ruined now.
137
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:25,486
I guess that means
we should go, huh?
138
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:28,684
Ah, don't sweat it. We'll
get another one of those.
139
00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:29,950
And I'll tell you what,
140
00:05:30,029 --> 00:05:32,497
a refill on this
delicious, exotic tea.
141
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:34,030
Mmm.
That's duck sauce.
142
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:35,990
That is good.
143
00:05:36,602 --> 00:05:39,127
While my mom was feeling
overshadowed by pork dumplings,
144
00:05:39,205 --> 00:05:42,368
I was the center of attention,
thanks to my latest injury.
145
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:43,841
So, how'd you
break your arm, klutz?
146
00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:47,139
I fell off a
hoverboard, no biggie.
147
00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:49,779
Hey, I heard they're serving
square pizza for lunch. Who's in?
148
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,215
Whoa. Wait. You were
on a hoverboard?
149
00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,115
As in a flying skateboard?
150
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,413
We all know what a
hoverboard is, Dave Kim.
151
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,589
This putz.
So, pizza!
152
00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:00,421
Wait. Are you
serious right now?
153
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,853
True story, I was walking
through the mall,
154
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,089
and a scientist walked up to me,
155
00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,596
a real Doc Brown type,
156
00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:08,065
and he asked if I wanted to
be in a select group of kids
157
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:09,658
to test hoverboard technology.
158
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,468
Yeah, I call bull crap. Tell
us what really happened.
159
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:15,399
I was losing them.
160
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:17,409
I either had to expose
myself as a dancing loser
161
00:06:17,477 --> 00:06:18,967
or pull out the big guns.
162
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,809
They may not believe
me, but you will.
163
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,413
I swear on our friendship.
164
00:06:27,286 --> 00:06:29,345
It happened, people.
He floated on air.
165
00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:31,286
Wait. Now you
believe him?
166
00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:34,860
You can't lie on a friendship swear.
It's the rules.
167
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:37,526
Are you kidding me?
A hoverboard?
168
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:40,695
You were supposed to say
something real, like skiing.
169
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,267
Well, that's just crazy. No one
would believe that I can ski.
170
00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:44,931
Okay, relax.
171
00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:46,494
Every kid tells
that one giant lie
172
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:47,698
that gets away from them.
173
00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:49,708
It's not a big deal.
Yes, it is!
174
00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:53,234
If Emmy finds out I lied on our
friendship, she'll hate me forever.
175
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,610
Want my advice, kiddo?
Lie your ass off.
176
00:06:56,682 --> 00:06:59,845
What? You're supposed to be my
role model and moral compass.
177
00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:02,113
We're talking about
Muscles Mirsky, here.
178
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:04,816
She's a groovy dame and a
hell of a best friend,
179
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:07,985
and we gotta do whatever it
takes to save this friendship.
180
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,651
But how?
I'm in too deep.
181
00:07:09,729 --> 00:07:11,890
Lucky for you,
I'm an expert liar
182
00:07:12,064 --> 00:07:14,089
and I'll teach you because
you're the coolest, smartest,
183
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,260
most capable brother a
girl could ever have.
184
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,835
Really?
No.
185
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,495
But now you see how good I am.
186
00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:30,180
What is all this?
This... Smells.
187
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:33,819
Look, you guys just loved that
Chinese food so much I figured
188
00:07:33,886 --> 00:07:36,684
why ever go back there when I
can make it all right here.
189
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:41,016
I present to you...
Beverly's Chinese Palace.
190
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:42,825
You sure you know
what you're doin'?
191
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:45,159
Yeah, Chinese food seems
kinda complicated.
192
00:07:45,364 --> 00:07:47,798
Well, maybe for
a less-experienced chef.
193
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,533
That ketchup?
It's just a base.
194
00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:52,161
You don't understand cooking.
195
00:07:52,738 --> 00:07:56,174
Okay, all I have to do is put
this block of frozen broccoli
196
00:07:56,242 --> 00:07:59,040
into the boiling-hot
grease, and...
197
00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:07,746
Okay. Beverly's Chinese
Palace is officially closed,
198
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:11,253
but I can still whip up
some of my shrimp parm.
199
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,758
Who wants shrimp parm, huh?
Shrimp parm?
200
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,123
Shrimp parm?
Shrimp parm?
201
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:20,259
Shrimp parm! Shrimp parm!
202
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:22,792
Last call.
203
00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:26,463
By the end of the week, we
had been to China Garden five times,
204
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:27,972
and my mom had had enough.
205
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,439
Excuse me.
206
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,307
Hi. I don't know if you remember me.
I'm Beverly Goldberg.
207
00:08:32,478 --> 00:08:34,412
Yes, of course. You're
the mom who I thought
208
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,209
worked at the school 'cause
she's there so much.
209
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,944
I'm involved, yes. Uh, but today
I have a teeny, tiny favor.
210
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:43,921
I need you to ban my family from
eating here for life, okay?
211
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:46,150
But they're great customers.
212
00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:48,557
We have a dish
named after that one.
213
00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:52,630
Big Tasty Pork. It's fried
pork with regular pork on top.
214
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:56,031
He would love that, yes. Uh, look,
let's talk mother-to-mother, here.
215
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:59,435
You have kids. You know that
dinner is special family time.
216
00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:01,370
I'm sorry, but it's not my fault
217
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,431
that your family likes my
food better than yours.
218
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:09,112
Listen... I didn't come
here lookin' for a war,
219
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,683
but I didn't come here to
turn one down, either.
220
00:09:11,784 --> 00:09:12,944
I'm not scared of you.
221
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:17,551
Oh, you will be. Watch
your back, Dave Kim's mom.
222
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:30,867
At school, I had laid
down a thick pile of bull crap,
223
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:33,701
and there was only one person
with the skills to shovel me out.
224
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:36,774
Okay, time to learn America's
greatest art form...
225
00:09:37,176 --> 00:09:40,668
Lying. A liar is, if
nothing else, a salesman.
226
00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:44,443
You gotta sell your lie, and to
do that, you gotta believe it.
227
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,984
Now, tell me a lie.
I'm a fish.
228
00:09:46,852 --> 00:09:48,513
Just do the hoverboard thing.
229
00:09:49,121 --> 00:09:50,611
I... Rode
a hoverboard.
230
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,917
Horrible! You have
like ten tells!
231
00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:55,961
No eye contact, you're fidgeting,
and you smell like fear.
232
00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:58,688
That might be the cast. It's
gotten super-stinky. Smell.
233
00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:00,388
No! Focus!
234
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:04,401
The number-one rule to lying
is to never, ever back down.
235
00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:06,700
Just keep lying until you
come out the other side.
236
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:07,932
Other side, got it.
237
00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:10,237
Now, look me in the eye
and make me believe it.
238
00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:12,473
I rode a hoverboard.
Again.
239
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:14,577
I rode a hoverboard.
Again!
240
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,307
I rode a hoverboard!
Again!
241
00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:17,881
I rode a hoverboard!
242
00:10:19,251 --> 00:10:20,275
Okay.
243
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:23,949
Odd thing to say when we're
talking about mitochondria,
244
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:25,614
but, uh, since
you brought it up,
245
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,556
I feel obligated as
your science teacher
246
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,595
to inform you all that
hoverboards aren't real.
247
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:31,554
Well, that's your opinion.
248
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:33,291
No, that's the
opinion of gravity.
249
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:34,856
It's a gray area.
Couldn't be clearer.
250
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,959
Well, we can agree to disagree.
No, we can't.
251
00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:39,865
Hold up. Are you calling
Adam a big, fat liar?
252
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:42,464
With all due respect
to Mr. Goldberg...
253
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:43,872
100% yes.
254
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:46,069
Well, you're a 100% dook.
255
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,840
Principal's office, now!
256
00:10:47,913 --> 00:10:49,175
Worth it!
257
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:52,740
As for the rest of you, science
is based on empirical evidence,
258
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:55,582
so unless Mr. Goldberg
here can provide some,
259
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,749
I will implore you all not
to believe a word he says.
260
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:00,754
I have a video.
You have a video?
261
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:03,226
You have a video? I said,
"Principal's office!"
262
00:11:03,295 --> 00:11:04,922
In your face!
He's got a video!
263
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:08,330
If that's true, then everything I
know about science would be wrong
264
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,130
and reality as we
know it would shatter.
265
00:11:10,202 --> 00:11:13,330
Dogs would fly. I would be
dating Claudia Schiffer!
266
00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:15,440
So... We cool?
267
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,371
Oh, yeah. We cool.
268
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,809
So cool that if you show
that video in class,
269
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,674
I'll give everyone in here an A.
270
00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:27,844
How was school, poopie?
271
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,683
Worst day ever.
272
00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:33,357
Hey, can I curl up in a ball on
the way back while you drive?
273
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,155
Aw, schmoo, what's wrong?
274
00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:36,558
You can tell mama anything...
275
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:38,893
Oh, is that Dave Kim?
Dave Kim!
276
00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:40,793
Dave Kim!
What are you doing?
277
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,227
Let's invite him
over for dinner.
278
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,699
I don't wanna invite
him over for dinner!
279
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:46,533
Just lay down in the way
back and be sad, okay?
280
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,230
Dave Kim!
Adam wants to
281
00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:50,241
invite you over for dinner, Dave Kim!
No, no, no, no, no.
282
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:51,298
Drive, drive, drive!
283
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:54,744
Dave Kim! Please be our
guest at our home tonight!
284
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:56,246
- If you want to come over.
- Drive! Drive! Drive!
285
00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:57,748
Just get in
the backseat now.
286
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,373
Drive! Drive!
Dave Kim!
287
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:04,119
Well! If it isn't
Dave Kim's mom.
288
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:06,055
Funny you should drop on by.
289
00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:07,387
You called me to pick up my son.
290
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,084
Did I?
291
00:12:09,161 --> 00:12:12,324
Well, yes, he's here, just going
to town on my shrimp parm.
292
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:15,129
He loves my cooking.
293
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,159
Maybe even more than yours.
294
00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:18,860
Mom, you got to try this.
295
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:20,769
It's both fishy and cheesy.
296
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,898
You can't put cheese on seafood!
297
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:26,101
It breaks every culinary law!
298
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:29,176
I'll put
cheese on anything.
299
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:30,442
Anything...
300
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:31,914
You can't cheese anything.
301
00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:33,975
I once cheesed
a slice of watermelon.
302
00:12:34,053 --> 00:12:35,042
That's disgusting.
303
00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:36,110
Or is it delicious?
304
00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:37,177
This is delicious.
305
00:12:37,389 --> 00:12:38,754
Enjoy.
306
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:40,685
I told him to come
back tomorrow night
307
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,194
with his sister.
Jenny, is it?
308
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:44,286
Sweet girl.
309
00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:46,661
She's gonna love my
mac-'n'-cheese meatballs.
310
00:12:46,732 --> 00:12:47,756
That's right.
311
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:51,325
I'll combine an entree and
side into a super-dish.
312
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:53,166
I don't give a.
313
00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:55,070
You don't wanna to
take me on, lady.
314
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:56,938
This is one food
war you can't win.
315
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,339
Oh, I'll win. Shrimps
will be cheesed,
316
00:12:59,411 --> 00:13:01,641
tummies will be
stuffed, and your kids
317
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:05,206
will be begging to come here
during special family dinner time.
318
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,851
So, what's it gonna be?
319
00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:14,224
I'm sorry, gentlemen. We
can't serve you here.
320
00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:15,723
You're talking to
those two, right?
321
00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:17,728
I don't understand. Why
are we on the wall,
322
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,025
like a bunch of criminals?
323
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:24,001
Yeah! I need my Big Tasty Pork!
Please! It's my birthright!
324
00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:25,297
Let's just say...
325
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:28,704
Some mothers love their
family so much it's scary.
326
00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:31,367
Beverly.
327
00:13:32,244 --> 00:13:34,371
While my dad was
heading back to deal with my mom,
328
00:13:34,446 --> 00:13:36,846
I was heading
back to the future!
329
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:50,693
Unfortunately, in my version,
the future looked kind of crappy.
330
00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:52,893
Yippee!
Here I am,
331
00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:56,196
testing out the world's
first actual hover...
332
00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:57,291
Ow, ow.
333
00:13:57,703 --> 00:13:58,863
It's squishing my parts.
334
00:13:58,938 --> 00:14:01,771
Cut. And I can see the rope.
This looks shoddy.
335
00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:03,205
You think?
336
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:05,504
You said to keep lying till
I get to the other side.
337
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,045
When do I get to the other side?
338
00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:09,443
Just shut up
and hover! God.
339
00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:11,447
Oh, yeah. There.
340
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,506
Ah!
Just like that.
341
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:14,485
Yup. That actually
looks not that crappy.
342
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:17,749
Damn it. Cut! Someone's
in the shot.
343
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:20,619
I can't see!
Spin me around!
344
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:22,091
Oh, spin me back!
345
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,992
Are you kidding me?
Emmy, I can explain.
346
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:27,257
Here are your
get-well cookies.
347
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,293
Come back!
348
00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:32,698
Emmy! Wait!
349
00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:33,931
I don't wanna talk to you.
350
00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:35,564
Just let me explain. No.
351
00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:36,765
I stood up for you.
352
00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:39,470
I got an in-school suspension
and grounded for a month.
353
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:42,275
But even worse, I told a bunch
of people hoverboards are real!
354
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,407
Trust me, the truth
is too embarrassing.
355
00:14:44,483 --> 00:14:46,644
You would've lied, too.
Not to you.
356
00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,716
I'm sorry, okay?
357
00:14:48,787 --> 00:14:50,914
But... It's me.
358
00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:52,384
You can't hate your best friend.
359
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:53,447
That's the thing.
360
00:14:53,792 --> 00:14:55,555
You're not just a friend.
361
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,619
You're like...
My brother.
362
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:02,931
And if I can't count on
you, then I have nobody.
363
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:06,834
And just like that, my
best friend hovered out of my life.
364
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,474
Bev! You've got
a lot of nerve!
365
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:13,477
We're grown men. You
cannot control us.
366
00:15:13,612 --> 00:15:15,307
Don't be silly.
Of course I can.
367
00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:16,746
Fine! You can!
368
00:15:16,815 --> 00:15:18,612
But the one freedom
we have is food,
369
00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:21,312
and you can't take that away from us.
I won't let you!
370
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,284
Let's discuss it over dinner.
371
00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:26,222
Sit down. I made
cheeseburger meatloaf.
372
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,787
Behold my
mom's secret weapon.
373
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:31,386
It was cheese. It was meat.
It was loaf.
374
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:32,725
And it was spectacular.
375
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:35,999
No! The woman's just trying to
use your hunger to control you.
376
00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:37,930
Just a little taste.
No taste!
377
00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:39,865
Can we at least munch
some of the topping?
378
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,305
No! We're never
eating her food again.
379
00:15:42,574 --> 00:15:45,304
Well, China Garden's not an option,
so where else you gonna go?
380
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,240
We'll go to Bamboo
Palace downtown.
381
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:48,541
Come on, guys!
Let's go!
382
00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:51,247
You'd never drive into the
city during rush hour.
383
00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:52,372
Oh, I will for this.
384
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,349
Well, then I'll have you
banned from there, too,
385
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:56,320
banned from Chinatown entirely.
386
00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:58,319
Then we'll switch
to Indian food.
387
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,049
Your stomach can't
handle the spices.
388
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:01,654
Then we'll get sushi!
389
00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:04,195
Raw fish? You don't
even like raw carrots.
390
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,161
Then we'll get Thailand food!
391
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:08,893
That's right, food
from wherever that is!
392
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:11,662
Why are you working so hard
to take this away from me?
393
00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:12,863
Take what away from you?
394
00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:14,963
You're acting crazy!
It's just dinner!
395
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:16,699
Not to me!
396
00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:21,238
You all have your other things going on.
Your work, your school,
397
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:24,373
your hypersexual lifestyle. Hey.
398
00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:26,677
For me, this kitchen,
these meals...
399
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:28,686
It's all I've got.
400
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:32,285
It's the only thing I still
do that makes me feel needed.
401
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:33,825
So, yeah, maybe that
makes me crazy,
402
00:16:33,892 --> 00:16:36,884
but cooking for my family
means everything to me.
403
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:46,804
Emmy had found out
that I'd never rode a hoverboard,
404
00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:48,065
and it was only a matter of time
405
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:49,539
before the rest of
the class learned the truth.
406
00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:51,200
There was no way out.
407
00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:52,334
I have a way out.
408
00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:53,772
It's too late.
409
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,610
I don't have time to come up
with a whole new web of lies.
410
00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:58,305
That's why I did it for you.
411
00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:01,285
I got Lainey to steal this from
her dad's sketchy law office.
412
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,987
"Nondisclosure agreement"?
413
00:17:03,055 --> 00:17:05,114
Just say that the scientist
from the mall made you sign it
414
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:07,488
and you legally can't show
your hoverboard video.
415
00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:10,158
Class has started,
Mr. Goldberg.
416
00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:13,221
We're all waiting for you
to take us into the future.
417
00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:15,766
Oh! Oh, I'm
hovering!
418
00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:19,199
So, I know everyone
was excited to see
419
00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:21,466
that video of me
hover-boarding,
420
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:22,904
but I...
Can't show it.
421
00:17:26,145 --> 00:17:28,272
You know what? Instead,
I'll show you this.
422
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:31,412
This is how I really
broke my arm.
423
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,626
Oh, man! I wanted that easy A,
424
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,192
but this is so much better.
425
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,772
Well, sorry, pal.
I was rootin' for you.
426
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:58,100
No, you weren't.
That's right.
427
00:17:58,210 --> 00:18:00,405
'Cause I always
root for science.
428
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:06,474
Emmy! So, now you
know the truth.
429
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:07,913
It changes nothing.
430
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,352
All you did was expose
yourself as a Wham! Fan.
431
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,754
Technically, it's George
Michael's solo effort,
432
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,089
but probably not your point.
433
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:19,890
Um, so, it's Friday night.
See you at the treehouse?
434
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,158
Dude, what part of
this don't you get?
435
00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:24,828
No, I get it. But you
said it yourself,
436
00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:27,599
we're more than just friends.
We're family.
437
00:18:28,073 --> 00:18:30,439
And in my family,
we fight, scream,
438
00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:33,511
and make horrible mistakes
that go way too far.
439
00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:36,309
But an hour later, we're fine.
440
00:18:37,349 --> 00:18:39,044
That's what it means
to be a Goldberg,
441
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,586
and, like it or not,
you're one of us.
442
00:18:49,928 --> 00:18:52,920
If you're looking for food, I got
your ban lifted at China Garden.
443
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,698
Enjoy your exotic new lives.
444
00:18:55,834 --> 00:18:58,803
Bevy, we thought all
about what you said,
445
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:00,429
and we're sorry.
446
00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:02,801
How could you ever think this
family doesn't need you?
447
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,633
I mean, look at us!
448
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:06,871
We're a mess.
449
00:19:06,945 --> 00:19:09,140
We'd be living under a
rock if it wasn't for you.
450
00:19:09,381 --> 00:19:11,042
Well, you got a point there.
451
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:13,013
We appreciate
what you do for us.
452
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,076
And Dad didn't even
tell me to say that.
453
00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:18,150
Thank you, honestly.
454
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:20,452
Now, what do you say we
have some real dinner?
455
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:23,393
And with that, a
new Goldberg tradition began,
456
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:25,589
our Friday night
dinner at China Garden.
457
00:19:26,798 --> 00:19:30,290
Big Tasty Pork on the house.
We're glad you're back.
458
00:19:31,303 --> 00:19:33,498
Hey, calm down.
All right, good.
459
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:36,701
Hey, klutz.
460
00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:41,078
So, you don't hate me?
461
00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:42,703
After showing that tape,
462
00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:44,772
you're gonna need all the
friends you can get.
463
00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:47,716
Just... Don't ever
lie to me again.
464
00:19:48,287 --> 00:19:50,118
I swear on our friendship.
465
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,717
So, how's the cast?
466
00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:56,390
Oh, it's so itchy.
It's drivin' me crazy.
467
00:19:56,461 --> 00:19:58,861
I have skinny fingers. Let
me see if I could help.
468
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,828
That's just ticklin' me.
469
00:20:00,899 --> 00:20:02,230
That's the
thing about family.
470
00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:04,030
You fight, you yell,
but in the end,
471
00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:06,832
there's no one you'd rather
share Chinese with.
472
00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:13,270
Emmy, there are some people
in your life right now that
473
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:14,972
you sort of have
these kind of crushes on.
474
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,605
Now out of all these people,
475
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,307
is there anyone you
particularly like the most?
476
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,145
Do I have to say this on film?
477
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,413
Well, I mean, it's not gonna...
478
00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:22,919
No one's gonna
see it or anything.
479
00:20:22,988 --> 00:20:25,821
Uh, I don't... I'm not sure
I can trust you with that.
480
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,825
Oh, you can trust me.
481
00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:32,221
I'm tellin' ya, Notre Dame's
gonna go all the way this year.
482
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:33,989
What, to some random bowl game?
483
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,398
There's never gonna be
a true national champion
484
00:20:36,468 --> 00:20:37,958
until we have a playoff system.
485
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,738
That's a good idea.
They should do that.
486
00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:43,901
I was kidding!
They're never gonna do that!
487
00:20:44,042 --> 00:20:45,532
What are you getting so excited?
488
00:20:45,677 --> 00:20:47,304
Because you're aggravating me!
489
00:20:47,446 --> 00:20:49,971
Stop aggravating him
and come have dinner.
490
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,810
Erica! Turn off the music
and get down here!
491
00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:05,619
'Cause I gotta have...
492
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:07,596
I have faith.
What are you doing here?
493
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:10,427
Your mom's making seafood pizza.
I can't miss that.
494
00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:13,060
I swear to God, you better
not tell a soul about this.
495
00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:16,240
Oh, no, no. This one's
just for Dave Kim.
496
00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:17,842
I'm serious.
You tell no one.
497
00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:20,274
Of course. I swear
on our friendship.
498
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:22,780
What friendship?
So, it's more than that?
499
00:21:23,181 --> 00:21:24,409
Get out!
500
00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:35,500
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