Original subtitles

- Previously on Wynonna Earp... - John Henry Holliday, ma'am.

- Boyfriend? - Oh...

- I'm a vampire. - She's my wife.

You're married!!

I don't like you at all.

- Waverly's shtupping a cop. - Her name's Nicole.

- The one available guy in town. - Are you? Available.

I have been covering this shit up for too long.

I'm tired of it.

- What is that? - Bulshar's ring.

That was fealty.

- She's gone now. - Your sister is blessed.

Her real father is an angel. An honest-to-God...

angel.

If only it were socially acceptable

to wear this all year-round.

So...

who's up for some rum n' eggnog, hold the nog?

Come on, it can't be that bad.

Oh.

Okay, okay. Wait. I've got something that'll help.

Oh, man.

There! Now you're now fully elfed.

I feel like I should knight you with a candy cane.

Hey, whoa, whoa.

We're good for trees, hon.

Well, with all due respect, ma'am, the season demands it.

Genuine article.

Are you questioning my festive decorating ability?

We just banished a demon from this house.

Last thing we need is mites.

It's a whole thing.

I'm ready to get my Kringle on.

But Nedley really does make the perfect Santa. Right?

He's got a certain je ne sais jolly that you lack, honey.

So where's that leave me, then?

Legolas for life?

No. I know. It's not fair that you're always elf-cast.

Mm-mm. It's not fair.

But it sure is cute.

Well, that's not canon.

It's that time of the year!

Oh, what are you... ? That's no angel.

- Well, I've always used this. - Not always.

I mean... after you left.

Can I please, please

just give you two the Christmas that I always wanted?

Prison Christmas was tough.

Our eggnog was scrambled.

I guess the menstru-angel can go back in my box.

Thank you, Wynonna.

Oh. My yams need to be mashed,

and by the looks of it, so do you.

- Okay. - Go on.

Go chase down that tree-touting hunk of Holliday cheer.

It's Christmas.

Well, I'm not calling Doc.

And I don't need to get laid, that's for... damn sure.

Purgatory Fire needs your help!

Give back this holiday season.

Santa's knees are a little fragile,

so there isn't gonna be any lap-sitting,

but you can still tell me what you want.

- Uh... - How about you, son?

What would you like to have under your tree?

Selena Gomez.

Aren't you a little old for this?

Santa?

Santa, wait!

Okay, son, joke's over.

- Wait. Tim? - Santa, wait.

Santa!

Santa!

- Santa? - Tim!

Tim!

Tim!

Santa!

Tim?

Santa?

Help me!! Help!!!

No!!! Help me!!

No!!! Oh, my God!

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --

Bye.

Oh...

- Bye, cutie. - Argh.

Those your ears, or you just happy to see me?

Yeah, don't. Okay.

There's rum in it.

And you're gonna need it.

It's crazy having her back here.

Yes, as crazy as we thought she was last week.

Do you think she's okay now?

Mm... don't leave her alone today.

Mm. I won't.

I want to be here.

With her.

Oh, and I have to dig around for the menstru-angel.

Oh, no-go.

Mama's not a fan of our blessedly absorbent friend.

- What? - I know.

I didn't know they were tampons when I made it.

- I can convince Mama. - Wait!

There's something else. Um...

It's about your father.

My dad was an angel?

Like, an angel. Oh, God.

No, they... Angels don't exist.

- Ah, shit. - Oh, my God, I'm hyperventilating.

What... ? How could he be an angel?!

Be an angel and tell me where you two keep

- the cranberry sauce? - Pfft.

Nobody actually eats it.

Hey! It's not Christmas without cranberry sauce!

So one of you better go get some pronto.

And you're gonna need to dig through this

to see if you can find anything worth saving.

Ugh. Um.

Guys!! We... we need to talk about this, okay?

Wait. Did...

did you just go out and slaughter a wild turkey?

Like I'm gonna feed my girls store-bought. Mm-mm.

No, you can't avoid this with "guiblets."

- Even really gross giblets. - Look, you...

you're my miracle baby.

And what better time of year

to tell her about it than JC's birthday?

Please, Mama. I...

I've been waiting long enough.

Who is my father?

Fine. Okay, pull up a chair.

Oh, my God... this is happening.

Oh!

We were in love.

His name was Julian.

And he was everything that Ward wasn't.

He was kind, honest.

Sobre.

Until he left without saying goodbye.

Still, I don't regret the affair.

Especially because nine months later,

I got my Waverly.

You were born out of love, sweetie.

The kind of love that ditches a pregnant woman?

You never tried to find him?

Kind of had my hands full with the demon

that arrived after you were born.

A demon that we beat together.

I don't feel like an angel.

I guess Bobo could've been lying.

Bobo Del Rey?

Is that sonofabitch still around?

He was there the night you were born.

What? He was?

Oh, man, I gotta go. A kid went missing.

On Christmas? Well, go bring them home.

I plan to.

Please.

Please, Mama.

No. I just want to spend the night with my girls.

I don't want to get lost in the Ghosts of Christmas past.

I just want to eat some turkey.

I'm vegan.

You're already a lesbian.

Speaking of which, is Nicole gonna join us for dinner?

Yes.

And, uh, maybe I could invite Dad too?

- You got his number? - No, I don't.

But if either of you two know where Bobo is,

maybe you could ask him.

I'm assuming that he's still the same sonofabitch

that he was back when I used to know him?

Oh, yeah, he's a total shit.

- Whoo-ee! - Whoa, whoa, no, no, no!

Out, out. And get rid of the needles in the hallway.

I can already feel the vice tightening up around my sinuses.

Well, it was intended as a festive gesture,

hoping to brighten up the place.

Well, you know, I'm not feeling very festive right now.

Is that why you got rid of your moustache?

Maybe you need to find yourself

a handsome gentleman to get into the spirit with?

No. A: My mood has nothing to do with guys, okay?

I-I passed the Bechdel test with flying colours.

A whole rainbow of them.

- What? - Exactly.

Look, it's been my experience that, uh,

romantic entanglements...

they can alleviate all kinds of stressors.

Okay, well... we don't all have

a Black-Friday-stand- ing-outside-of-Best-Buy

amount of people fawning over us.

Okay, I am trying here, Jeremy, but these references...

Rosita, Kate the vampire, Wynonna freaking Earp.

Yeah, I... I couldn't even get one dude to call me back.

Robin didn't call.

He didn't call.

May I give you some well-worn advice?

You be direct.

You ask for what you want.

It is Christmas, after all.

Thanks, Doc.

Okay.

Be direct. Be direct.

Okay.

Don't... No! Ah!!

- Your name? - Timothy.

- Your family name? - McBlake.

Oh, dear.

I'm afraid you made the naughty list.

No! No, don't put me in there! No!

Guys, I completely understand your concern.

Really, I promise, we are doing the best that we can.

I'll... be right with you. Just one second.

What, no marshmallows? Not like there's a kid missing, huh?

Alright. Hang in there.

Okay.

It's bad, okay?

He's taking it really hard,

because he was there when it happened.

- When what happened? - That's what we'd like to know!

Just keep walking, back towards the lot.

Charlie'll fill you in on the rest.

Charlie?

Sir, I really need you... Just calm down.

We need to get this kid back.

It's Christmas.

Totally.

Uh, hi. Wynonna Earp.

Charlie. Fire Services.

That's your last name?

Okay.

I mean... it's way too much for a kid.

It's staged to make it look like he's dead. So, really,

totally acceptable environment in which to make jokes.

Could be animal for all we know.

Yeah, li-like that Sherlock story.

Bunch of blood turned out to be from a dog?

I'll take it to my guy for testing.

You have a guy?

Uh... just part of my team.

You... you have a... a team?

A whole posse, actually.

Whoa! Look out!

Oh, thanks.

That's not usually my thing, being saved. I do the saving.

I saw the branch... took action.

This strain shouldn't grow this far north.

You into trees, too?

Fire-hall library had some books on arborism.

- Now... - Thanks.

About this, uh, this team?

Yo, nerdzilla.

Oh. Aw, you brought me coffee.

Inside. We need it tested.

If it's fresh? If it's human? Full science-guy mark-up.

Ah, yes, sure. Okay,

I'll call up my blood-splatter analyst,

behavioural profiler and Helen Mirren to see what's up.

You're gonna have to forgive

his Ebenezer-esque demeanour.

He is still smarting from a romantic disappointment.

Okay, a kid is missing.

And we don't talk about Helen Mirren in that tone.

- Okay. - Waves.

Uh, I need... you to check a last name, McBlake,

and cross-reference it with the VIP

townspeople the vamps were after.

McBlake. Tim McBlake?

Yeah, no, their family's been in Purgatory forever.

I think they were originally prospectors.

Great. Thanks. Uh, how's Mom?

Elbows deep in turkey guts. Yeah.

I should get back to her.

Okay.

Uh, no, please don't.

Old family, so this is most likely Bulshar.

Pardon? Who-shar?

Just a gu... guy.

Uh, huge dick.

He is a huge dick.

I-I don't know about his size... down there.

- He's probably an innie. - Mm-hmm.

- Uh, he's not super great. - Uh-huh.

He's a fella who holds a grudge against this town

and those who've lived here longer than a few weeks.

So the kid that was taken is from a

family that's been in Purgatory for decades.

Wait, wait. Robin's family too!

He mentioned it, that his dad would never leave town,

because they've been here forever.

It means I wasn't ghosted!

My date was just kidnapped by Bulshar, maybe!

Huzzah.

Go test the blood.

- Yes. - Great.

Doc, we need to find someone who knows more

about why Bulshar was going after first families.

- That's a good idea. - Thank you.

You know anyone like that?

Large incisors? Someone...

you married... one time?

Yes, we may speak with my wife.

You guys are wild. Hm.

You finally came.

Doc Holliday. And Wyatt's great-granddaughter.

You're missing a "great", Kate.

N-not an intentional rhyme.

We're on the clock, plus...

I don't need an invitation to enter places.

Doc, too, can enter wherever he wants.

We are here for information on the vampire pack.

I'll provide whatever I can.

Okay. So what's the deal

with Otto and Company's whole VIP thing?

All we knew was to separate the descendants

of the first families of Purgatory from all the residents.

And we couldn't kill any. Bulshar needed them.

- For what? - That, I don't know.

Bullshit.

Wynonna, please go easy.

She's obviously gone through a lot.

She's been taken by vampires, turned into one.

She's a victim.

I'm the same as the day I met you.

Pfft.

You mean to tell me...

Queen of the Damned, meet King of the Dense.

The vamp was calling from inside the house.

Why didn't you tell me?

I did. Many times.

"Doc, I'm a vampire.

Doc, I drink blood. Doc, let me bite you."

Yeah, I thought that was role playing.

Oh, gag reflex getting swole over here.

You don't remember.

Do you not remember how much opium we would smoke?

Wouldn't be good opium if I could.

And it's why I never had,

or never could have, photos taken.

And why I got my girl Sally

to pose as the outlaw Big Nose Kate.

You said that was so the law could not identify you.

Or because vampires can't be captured on film.

Pretty smart, Big Nose.

Nicknamed after my specialty in the boudoir.

I was famous for it.

So why did you leave when I got sick?

I couldn't bear to see you like that.

And then I got word you'd died. So...

I reunited with my undead family in Europe.

Not a day went by I didn't think of you, though.

The nights that turned into mornings,

our bodies, the passion...

Ah, okay, I'm officially gonna need a bucket.

Great chat, you two.

I also was a friend of Wyatt's, Wynonna.

I could be of some service.

Uh, no new team members, but thanks.

Enjoy squatting in my friend's house. That's cool.

You forgot this the other night.

Was that really necessary?

It's her friend's house?

She'll warm up to you.

And what about you? When will you warm up?

She may not need you, Doc, but I do.

You seem to think I'm an angel.

Tell me about the night I was born.

Oh...

That was a happy day.

I was on a dig when I heard screaming

coming from the Gibson greenhouse.

- It was Michelle. - He should be here.

He should be here. He should be here.

Where's Julian?! He needs to protect her!

If you hurt her, I'll... I swear...

Please. Please...

save the baby. Save Waverly.

Waverly?

I knew...

when I saw you...

... when I heard your name...

you... were different.

Michelle had lost a lot of blood.

She passed out.

And so I took you...

... to him.

Ward?!

Ward Earp.

What the hell do you want?

This is for you.

Get that thing away from me.

It's not mine.

You will take this baby. You will care for it.

And if I find out you've hurt this angel...

I will come for you. And I...

... will kill you.

You're my hero, Bobo.

Or at least you sure make yourself seem like one.

But you're leaving out one important detail.

Yeah? What's that?

You just coincidentally end up at the greenhouse

the night my dad goes missing.

Missing... for some.

What?

You know where Julian is?

Is he still in the Triangle?

Oh...

Alive?

Story time's over, little girl.

And that's information you get

when I find myself topside.

If there's one thing I've learned in this life...

Yeah.

- ... it's that I'm done playing your games. - Oh.

You're right, Bobo. Story time's over.

No.

Hold up.

What?! You gonna tell me about the time you had a three-way

with Amelia Earhart and Laura Ingalls?

Wynonna!

It's bad luck to refuse a kiss underneath the mistletoe.

You waiting for one or you offering?

The offer is always there.

Huh. Well, maybe you should stick to kissing your wife.

I have not been with her in a century.

Oh... so your knife was at her place

because your dishwasher was broken?

It is not my jam to be the other woman.

Dammit, Wynonna, you're not the other woman! You're...

... another woman.

What does that mean?

It means she was my wife and now you're...

... someone I shared something even greater with.

More than just romance. I mean, we had a baby.

Isn't it time that we stopped being scared

and started being honest with one another?

Honestly, I don't know what to do with you.

You could admit you love me.

Let's just get back to work.

I was right there and I couldn't save him.

I froze. I never freeze.

You have been cooped up in here all day.

The kid's not the only one who's missing.

We really need you out there.

Why? There's nothing we can do.

We got no money, we got no clue.

We got help.

People don't just disappear, even here.

We should have a whole team combing those woods.

What's the point? To bring them home?

To Purgatory?

Where bad things just happen?

Nicole, a couple weeks ago,

I saw vampires bite Lonnie's head off,

and the next night I binged-watched an entire season

of Pretty Little Liars like nothing ever happened.

But this...

Look.

Something changed in that tree lot.

I c-can't snap out of it.

You have to. You're the sheriff.

Tim!

- Tim! - Tim!

- Tim! - Tim!

Tim!

Okay, Tim, come out! Come back!

Tim!

Oh, no! No! No.

Ah! Oh!

Watch.

Just as your ancestors watched my final moments.

Ah! Ah! Oh!

Wait. So you're saying he's alive.

Well, the vampires cannot kill

the first families. This much we know.

So the boy and, yes, Robin, could be...

- Ah... - Yes, but...

we still need to figure out

where Bulshar is keeping them.

Do the petals help?

Ah, well, they don't grow in the forest,

or anywhere naturally around here.

But they are one of the many fragrant flowers

that are often planted near factories

that produce noxious odours.

Like at a butcher shop?

Remember that blood you found in the forest?

- Yeah. Yeah, I do. - Well, it wasn't from a kid.

It was from pigs.

I saw Carrie, I know what's up.

Isn't there an abattoir off of Rural Road 3?

Yeah. And a smelting plant on Highway 12.

Or the hog farm on Wellburne.

Alright then, let's saddle up. Abattoir first.

Why go together? Time is... crucial, right?

Well, because it's dangerous.

Uh, I don't need protecting.

What's important is we check each place

and then radio for help

once we confirm our people are there. Right?

If that's what you want.

Tiny Tim.

Your great-great-great- grandfather betrayed me.

Did you know that?

The other families betrayed me, too.

They disgust me.

You disgust me.

Is that why he sold me out to Wyatt Earp?

Why he gave him the keys to the sheriff's office

so they could ambush me?

So I could end up in the ground for a century?!

I'm next.

- It's my turn. - Jett...

the milliner.

You and I gonna do this, or what, cue ball?

Now.

Later.

No! No!

Death...

has come for all of you.

It's okay, dude. It'll be alright.

It's gonna be alright.

Lemme guess: super-duper locked?

- What are you doing here? - Jeremy texted me the address.

Huh.

Oh. come on.

Don't you think you'd know if I was supernatural by now?

Who said anything about supernatural?

The killer branch?

The guy we're chasing whose name is "Bulshar"?

Don't exactly get that from a Baby Name Book.

Still. Humour me.

Okey-dokey. You are just a man.

Just a man...

standing in front of a marshal,

asking her to let him help rescue a bunch of people.

Chains around both doors.

Any chance you brought a big ol' fire axe?

I did. And I've got a big hose.

Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.

Ho, ho, hold my calls while I kick some honeycomb ass.

- Who you talking to? - I'm not sure.

Oh, hurry up.

- Right here, right here. - Free us. Help us.

Get me out of here.

Good.

Thanks for your help.

My pleasure. It's what I do.

Yeah, yeah, I get it. You save people.

Where were you with a pun

or a one-liner when I could've used one?

How about, like, uh...

you think I could be a keeper?

Maybe leave the wit to Wynonna, huh?

Yeah, fair enough.

My dude.

Alright.

Now... where's the big guy?

Bulshar got out.

Huh.

- Oh, my God. - Let's get you guys cleaned up.

Yeah.

Oh. Mom.

Looks like Santa came early this year.

For once, Mrs. Claus wasn't, like: "What about me?"

Maybe not the right vibe?

Alright. You're right.

Premature e-joke-lation on my part.

Hey.

Ah, you shaved the 'stache.

Uh, yeah, I... I thought you didn't like it.

No, I got... kidnapped by zombie beekeepers.

Okay, that was my second guess.

I mean, uh, you wouldn't have ghosted

if you weren't kidnapped, right?

Totally cool if you would have.

I just want to read the signals.

I just want... I want to try something.

- So? - Yeah.

- Christmas dinner, my place? - Yeah, I'd love to.

Uh... but... my family.

- Oh, no, of course, of course. - But how about Boxing Day?

Leftover tofurkey burritos it is.

Alright.

Well... good teamwork there, buddy.

- Like I'm on the team. - Well, you're team-adjacent.

And that depends if you rat me out.

- For what? - This.

Hey.

So you were a good elf today. Better than good.

I'm just glad everybody's safe.

And I was a bad Santa.

And not the funny kind,

where Santa blasphemes a whole lot.

I was bad at my job.

- Hey, no. It happens to all of us. - Not to me.

And it's not gonna happen again.

Ah. Do I get to be Santa next year?

No. No, Nicole.

I'm retiring.

Nobody leaves this table till you pop a button!

Mm. Yum.

So you okay, or... ?

You said you were gonna call if...

Oh, Charlie was there. It was fine.

So that is that, then?

I can't believe we're all together for Christmas.

- Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - Well, most of us.

Hey, to...

... to fallen comrades.

To the brave.

Ooh! To Sheriff Nicole Haught.

Ah, Nicky Nicky Nine Door! Come on.

Okay, Nicole, it... it's fine.

Mm. Uh... to not getting ghosted.

- Hey. - Hey-oh.

To the reappearance of Jeremy's upper lip.

You look... you look handsome.

Excuse me.

- I have to go. - On Christmas?

This is the part where you go after him, numbnuts.

I found the gravy boat!

You're not going anywhere before we have more turkey.

- No, ma'am. - Mm.

Michelle, this is delicious. Thank you.

Well, thank you, Nicole.

And for thank you making my Waverly so happy.

Well, I've always known she was an angel.

Maybe I should've made Bobo tell me where Dad is.

You know, I could've shot him in the kneecap...

No.

You shouldn't have.

Because you focused on what was here,

around this table.

You made this your family.

I look around and I am so...

I'm so damn proud of what...

you two girls created.

I wasn't there...

but you made this your family.

This family ain't perfect.

And that's what's so great about it.

You know, you should just, uh...

fill up the sink just to save water.

That way...

You want to give the dishes a dirty bath?

Uh-uh.

Right. Guess they didn't screen An

Inconvenient Truth at the mental institution.

Which is fair.

Nicole!

What is important to me today

is saving you some time. You are officially dismissed.

Go after your man.

My baby daddy is...

married to a vampire.

That's a Harlequin I'd read.

And I still don't think I deserve him.

Of course you do.

Wynonna, don't settle, like I did.

We can find Julian if you want.

Yeah, we could put Peacemaker on Bobo and

make him tell us everything he knows.

But wherever he is, the fact is

he ditched you the day you gave birth,

so, you know, if we find him... got words.

You've got us now, Mama.

I'm just gonna go out for a bit.

Not gonna say where I'm going or to see who or to do... do what.

You're a grown woman.

You make up your own mind now. We all do.

Love you, Mama.

That was fun.

Was it?

No, it was awful.

Thought you'd be more freaked out.

Well, this town's got a bit of a reputation.

Besides... we saved them.

There will be more.

But what am I gonna do, give up?

Lie down and scream while I wait?

Unless someone makes me.

Your ability to shift from

one inappropriate thought to the next...

- It's a gift. - It's really something.

- This you flirting? - I mean...

Sure.

Bad breakup?

Massive trust issues, too.

Ah, well, I like a challenge.

No strings. I can't do that right now.

Does that work?

Let's find out.

You shouldn't have told Waverly those things.

Oh, hi, Michelle.

I brought you some dinner.

Nothing comes free from Earp women.

You know where he is? Julian?

What's in it for me?

Mm... it's too much tryptophan!

Trypto-what-now?

- Ta-dah! - Fan... tastic.

Baby, what's going on?

Well...

I, uh, I wanted to say sorry for earlier.

I was preoccupied with my own stuff, you know,

that I couldn't properly celebrate your big news.

- Oh. - So...

... Sheriff Nicole Haught...

... let me make it up to you.

♪ Oh I love you love you love you ♪

♪ More each year ♪

♪ They could strip away the cheer ♪

♪ I'd still be standing here ♪

Do you hate it?

No! I don't hate it. Of course I don't.

Okay, here, put that on.

Here.

- How's this? - Good.

♪ Oh you gave me gave me gave me ♪

♪ The greatest gift ♪

♪ I can strike it off my list ♪

♪ I no longer need to wait ♪

What do you mean, he attacked you?

Not him.

I fought them off.

His beekeepers?

Came to collect fealty, I gather.

You are gonna be fine.

If he finds out who I am...

I'm here now.

You are, aren't you?

I need you, Doc.

Say that again.

I need you so bad it hurts.

I will do anything in my power to help you.

Anything?

There's only one thing that can cure this affliction.

The only thing.

But there's a cost to being a saviour.

It would make me immortal again.

Oh, but we can't do that.

You're happy here with... with these people.

You belong with them, not with my kind.

Cut the shit, Countessa.

- Are you sure? - Stop pretending...

... that this isn't what you came here for.

You might feel a prick.

Merry Christmas to me.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --