Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,201 --> 00:00:06,471
[Indistinct conversations]
2
00:00:06,504 --> 00:00:09,308
[Music plays]
3
00:00:23,540 --> 00:00:24,541
Neal?
4
00:00:24,575 --> 00:00:26,440
- You must be Molly.
- [Laughs]
5
00:00:26,675 --> 00:00:27,739
Relax. Take your coat off.
6
00:00:27,740 --> 00:00:29,406
Okay. Sorry.
7
00:00:29,439 --> 00:00:30,575
[Clears throat] I'm a little nervous.
8
00:00:30,607 --> 00:00:33,870
I've never gone out with someone
I met online before, so...
9
00:00:34,293 --> 00:00:35,076
You're kidding.
10
00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:36,177
No. [Exhales sharply]
11
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:37,146
Well, I am on all of them...
12
00:00:37,179 --> 00:00:38,080
[Exhales sharply]
13
00:00:38,113 --> 00:00:40,712
Tinder, Hinge, Holefinder, you name it.
14
00:00:40,713 --> 00:00:45,418
Although after tonight,
I may be closing my accounts.
15
00:00:45,451 --> 00:00:46,686
[Chuckles]
16
00:00:46,719 --> 00:00:48,289
[Giggles]
17
00:00:48,322 --> 00:00:50,524
O-kay...
18
00:00:50,557 --> 00:00:51,926
[Gulping]
19
00:00:56,137 --> 00:00:57,639
- Uh...
- [Exhales sharply]
20
00:00:58,031 --> 00:01:00,567
You want to go screw in the toilet?
21
00:01:01,402 --> 00:01:04,038
Yes. Yes, I do.
22
00:01:04,071 --> 00:01:06,841
[Moaning]
23
00:01:06,874 --> 00:01:08,442
God, you're amazing.
24
00:01:08,475 --> 00:01:10,811
Tell me you love me. [Panting]
25
00:01:10,844 --> 00:01:12,545
What?
26
00:01:12,579 --> 00:01:14,047
Tell me... you love me.
27
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,683
- Uh..
- Mm! Mm!
28
00:01:15,716 --> 00:01:16,684
I...I don't know.
29
00:01:16,717 --> 00:01:17,718
Yeah.
30
00:01:17,750 --> 00:01:19,487
Tell me you love me.
31
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,856
Uh... Oh!
32
00:01:21,889 --> 00:01:24,725
Oh, you are a nasty little smurf.
33
00:01:24,758 --> 00:01:25,860
I love you.
34
00:01:25,892 --> 00:01:27,761
Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah.
35
00:01:27,794 --> 00:01:31,299
[Demonic growling, screaming]
36
00:01:38,071 --> 00:01:41,041
Good night, guys. See you tomorrow.
37
00:01:45,357 --> 00:01:46,892
[Knocks on door]
38
00:01:47,014 --> 00:01:49,525
- [Door creaks]
- All clear in here? Closing up.
39
00:01:51,590 --> 00:01:54,622
Hey, buddy, you okay?
40
00:01:54,654 --> 00:01:56,390
Bar's closed.
41
00:02:01,061 --> 00:02:07,568
[Screams]
42
00:02:08,702 --> 00:02:11,740
♪♪
43
00:02:23,695 --> 00:02:27,554
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
44
00:02:31,425 --> 00:02:32,593
Man on radio: We can expect temps today
45
00:02:32,625 --> 00:02:34,527
in the low 50s to upper 60s.
46
00:02:34,561 --> 00:02:36,029
- What's wrong, Jean?
- Oh, Jesus.
47
00:02:36,063 --> 00:02:37,131
Jean: I'm supposed to visit my Nana,
48
00:02:37,164 --> 00:02:39,800
but I'm up to here with old-lady stink.
49
00:02:39,832 --> 00:02:41,669
You need Decay Away!
50
00:02:41,701 --> 00:02:44,371
Decay Away? Tell me more!
51
00:02:47,940 --> 00:02:49,809
[Exhales sharply]
52
00:02:49,843 --> 00:02:50,945
Hungover?
53
00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:52,799
No. [Inhales sharply]
54
00:02:56,817 --> 00:02:59,386
I just... picked up
Grace at her father's
55
00:02:59,420 --> 00:03:01,021
and his girlfriend was there.
56
00:03:01,053 --> 00:03:02,455
I'm sorry, did I say girlfriend?
57
00:03:02,488 --> 00:03:05,492
I meant "Fiancée."
And how do I know that?
58
00:03:05,892 --> 00:03:08,862
'Cause she has the ring.
59
00:03:08,896 --> 00:03:10,964
His bitchy grandmother's
60
00:03:10,998 --> 00:03:13,734
diamond engagement ring... giant.
61
00:03:13,766 --> 00:03:15,568
And she wouldn't give it to me,
62
00:03:15,601 --> 00:03:18,472
because my hands are "Too masculine."
63
00:03:18,504 --> 00:03:20,707
Your timing couldn't be more perfect.
64
00:03:20,741 --> 00:03:23,010
They're doing speed dating
tomorrow night at Champs.
65
00:03:23,042 --> 00:03:25,746
[Groans] Champs is for losers.
66
00:03:25,778 --> 00:03:27,080
Also, what if they won't let me in,
67
00:03:27,113 --> 00:03:29,616
you know, with my "Monster hands"?
68
00:03:29,649 --> 00:03:32,452
Come on, you're new to the
area, you work all the time.
69
00:03:32,486 --> 00:03:34,121
How are you gonna meet someone new?
70
00:03:34,153 --> 00:03:35,522
Hey, I'm gonna be there.
71
00:03:35,556 --> 00:03:37,658
I'll help screen out all the creeps.
72
00:03:38,389 --> 00:03:40,436
No. You're not the best judge of crazy.
73
00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:43,238
["Rollin' Coal [Me and My Crew]" plays]
74
00:03:43,272 --> 00:03:47,644
No, I would... I would need
someone really judgmental.
75
00:03:49,377 --> 00:03:54,216
[Indistinct conversations]
76
00:03:55,989 --> 00:03:57,520
Wow. That's... It's funny...
77
00:03:58,346 --> 00:04:02,062
I-I don't see any boxing ring,
and I don't see no bear.
78
00:04:02,063 --> 00:04:03,565
In fact, I don't even see no Russian
79
00:04:03,598 --> 00:04:04,866
about to fight a bear.
80
00:04:04,898 --> 00:04:06,967
All I actually do see
81
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,771
is an ocean of boring
with no land in sight.
82
00:04:11,706 --> 00:04:13,908
- Name tags!
- I'm sorry.
83
00:04:13,940 --> 00:04:15,843
I made up the bear stuff,
'cause I didn't think
84
00:04:15,876 --> 00:04:18,746
that you would willingly
come to speed dating.
85
00:04:18,778 --> 00:04:21,148
I'd willingly give a bear
a prostate exam
86
00:04:21,182 --> 00:04:26,020
before I'd willingly come to
speed dating, for Christ's sake.
87
00:04:26,052 --> 00:04:28,855
Please? Okay.
You know everybody in town.
88
00:04:28,888 --> 00:04:31,960
Just point out the weirdos.
89
00:04:31,992 --> 00:04:33,760
A bear fight...
90
00:04:33,793 --> 00:04:35,796
It's the stuff dreams are made of.
91
00:04:35,829 --> 00:04:37,699
You got to let that go.
92
00:04:42,802 --> 00:04:45,906
You're a shining star.
93
00:04:51,345 --> 00:04:53,348
[Exhales sharply]
94
00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:58,030
[Clears throat]
95
00:04:58,251 --> 00:05:01,222
So, did you always want to pull
weeds at the cemetery?
96
00:05:01,254 --> 00:05:03,563
T-totally. Yeah. Totally.
97
00:05:03,563 --> 00:05:06,533
Her name is Maisy,
and I have a cat tree for her,
98
00:05:06,564 --> 00:05:08,934
and it has a little planter that I made,
99
00:05:08,968 --> 00:05:12,872
and I just love just
to hold her at night.
100
00:05:12,905 --> 00:05:13,806
- Cheers!
- Hey!
101
00:05:13,838 --> 00:05:14,940
Okay, s-sure, sure, sure.
102
00:05:14,973 --> 00:05:15,675
- Cheers.
- Right here. [Chuckles]
103
00:05:15,708 --> 00:05:17,443
- Oh, eye contact. Right.
- Yes.
104
00:05:17,475 --> 00:05:19,444
- Important.
- We already met.
105
00:05:19,477 --> 00:05:20,913
You remember?
106
00:05:21,563 --> 00:05:22,648
I don't think so.
107
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,339
Yeah, you arrested me
for peeing in a mailbox.
108
00:05:27,552 --> 00:05:30,055
All these balloons kind of
look like boobs to me,
109
00:05:30,088 --> 00:05:31,057
don... don't they?
110
00:05:32,011 --> 00:05:32,859
What?
111
00:05:34,093 --> 00:05:35,694
But she's the boss.
112
00:05:35,750 --> 00:05:38,387
She keeps all the other cats in line.
113
00:05:38,487 --> 00:05:40,213
Y'ever see a cat fight a snake?
114
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:41,138
What?
115
00:05:41,155 --> 00:05:43,492
That's what I'd like to see.
Or better yet...
116
00:05:43,525 --> 00:05:46,317
You ever see a cat fed
into an industrial chipper?
117
00:05:46,786 --> 00:05:47,296
[Gasps]
118
00:05:47,297 --> 00:05:49,900
It's a cat blizzard... cat.
119
00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:51,260
Oh!
120
00:05:53,313 --> 00:05:54,271
You like liquor?
121
00:05:54,304 --> 00:05:55,695
- It's fine.
- Good.
122
00:05:55,942 --> 00:05:57,740
I like liquor, too. Connection.
123
00:05:58,565 --> 00:05:59,643
Bottoms up.
124
00:05:59,675 --> 00:06:02,081
Oh, I have always wanted
a pot-bellied pig,
125
00:06:02,082 --> 00:06:03,313
but they're very expensive.
126
00:06:03,345 --> 00:06:04,780
I mean, I have "pig money,"
127
00:06:04,814 --> 00:06:07,603
but not, like, "Pig Money,"
if you know what I mean.
128
00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:21,008
[Sighs]
129
00:06:27,425 --> 00:06:28,445
Go ahead and make this snappy.
130
00:06:28,446 --> 00:06:29,713
I got to whiz.
131
00:06:29,746 --> 00:06:30,745
No, you don't.
132
00:06:32,781 --> 00:06:34,985
It's straight bourbon, if you want some.
133
00:06:35,018 --> 00:06:37,221
All righty, then.
134
00:06:43,227 --> 00:06:44,790
So, what are you, about 5'8"?
135
00:06:45,797 --> 00:06:47,965
6'2", eyes are blue, sister.
136
00:06:47,999 --> 00:06:49,133
Hmm.
137
00:06:50,902 --> 00:06:53,672
Hey. I'm Sloan.
138
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:55,504
Uh, I'm Evie.
139
00:06:55,505 --> 00:06:56,328
Nice to meet you.
140
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:58,001
Nice to meet you.
141
00:06:58,035 --> 00:06:59,670
This is totally weird, right?
142
00:06:59,703 --> 00:07:01,806
Oh, my God, yes.
Yeah, really kind of is.
143
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:02,506
You know, you'd think they'd separate us
144
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:04,107
into age-appropriate groups.
145
00:07:04,141 --> 00:07:05,485
But then I guess I wouldn't
have gotten to talk
146
00:07:05,485 --> 00:07:06,822
about catheters so much tonight.
147
00:07:06,921 --> 00:07:07,957
- [Laughs]
- Thought I was the only one sitting...
148
00:07:07,989 --> 00:07:09,549
- Lucky you.
- I know.
149
00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:12,553
- Yeah.
- I... I know I just sat down,
150
00:07:12,594 --> 00:07:14,029
but you are, like,
the first person I've met
151
00:07:14,061 --> 00:07:15,763
that seems kind of normal.
152
00:07:15,797 --> 00:07:17,967
You want to... go somewhere?
153
00:07:19,835 --> 00:07:22,405
I know. It takes a lot
of work to be an alcoholic.
154
00:07:24,405 --> 00:07:25,374
I'm in.
155
00:07:25,407 --> 00:07:26,474
- All right.
- Sure, why not?
156
00:07:26,508 --> 00:07:28,377
- Let's do it.
- Okay.
157
00:07:28,410 --> 00:07:31,446
[Music plays]
158
00:07:37,673 --> 00:07:38,673
So... this is me.
159
00:07:38,706 --> 00:07:40,006
Oh.
160
00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:42,147
Yeah. You really didn't have to walk me
161
00:07:42,178 --> 00:07:43,173
all the way up to my house.
162
00:07:43,174 --> 00:07:45,208
You know, I'm... I'm
the sheriff, remember?
163
00:07:45,242 --> 00:07:46,777
- Right.
- [Laughs]
164
00:07:46,809 --> 00:07:49,613
So, Sheriff, are you busy this week?
165
00:07:51,229 --> 00:07:53,750
Yeah, I'm just... But, you
know, just sheriffing,
166
00:07:53,783 --> 00:07:56,187
uh, and, you know, mothering.
167
00:07:57,260 --> 00:07:58,389
You should call me.
168
00:07:58,422 --> 00:08:00,791
We can... do something normal.
169
00:08:00,824 --> 00:08:02,526
- Great.
- Great.
170
00:08:02,559 --> 00:08:03,627
[Clears throat]
171
00:08:07,230 --> 00:08:09,332
- Good night.
- Night.
172
00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:12,369
Okay... um... bye.
173
00:08:12,403 --> 00:08:14,139
- Yeah.
- Right.
174
00:08:17,774 --> 00:08:18,808
[Keys jostle]
175
00:08:18,841 --> 00:08:21,178
[Lock clicks]
176
00:08:25,249 --> 00:08:27,585
[Electrical whirring]
177
00:08:36,593 --> 00:08:39,345
[Stan hums]
178
00:08:39,406 --> 00:08:40,809
[Doorbell rings rapidly]
179
00:08:48,951 --> 00:08:50,554
[Birds chirping]
180
00:08:53,527 --> 00:08:54,992
Oh! Oh, my God!
181
00:08:55,025 --> 00:08:57,060
[Snorts]
182
00:08:58,214 --> 00:09:01,049
It's a boy! [Gasps]
183
00:09:01,353 --> 00:09:04,391
Thank you.
Thank you for granting my wish.
184
00:09:04,424 --> 00:09:06,927
We are soul mates. I just know it.
185
00:09:10,196 --> 00:09:11,998
[Telephone ringing]
186
00:09:15,468 --> 00:09:18,872
What? Yeah.
187
00:09:19,638 --> 00:09:20,940
Well, of course I remember you.
188
00:09:20,973 --> 00:09:22,910
I ain't senile, for God sake.
189
00:09:24,011 --> 00:09:24,781
Yeah.
190
00:09:25,786 --> 00:09:27,146
Well, sure.
191
00:09:27,180 --> 00:09:28,748
Yeah, I know that place.
192
00:09:28,781 --> 00:09:30,416
All right, then.
193
00:09:30,449 --> 00:09:32,057
Yeah, I'll meet you for lunch.
194
00:09:32,676 --> 00:09:35,301
All right. See you then.
I look forward to it. Bye.
195
00:09:41,651 --> 00:09:43,487
- Denise!
- [Thud]
196
00:09:43,519 --> 00:09:46,655
♪ Lovey-wovey-wovey-lovey-dovies ♪
197
00:09:48,363 --> 00:09:48,992
Denise.
198
00:09:49,959 --> 00:09:51,527
♪ Lovey-wovey-wovey-lovey-dovies ♪
199
00:09:51,561 --> 00:09:52,929
Did you eat my bacon?
200
00:09:52,961 --> 00:09:54,897
I took it, but I didn't eat it.
201
00:09:54,931 --> 00:09:56,999
♪ ...makes my heart skip a beat ♪
202
00:09:57,032 --> 00:09:58,052
[Pot-bellied pig grunts]
203
00:09:58,053 --> 00:10:00,135
♪ Lovey-wovey-wovey-dovey,
you're so cute ♪
204
00:10:00,542 --> 00:10:02,445
You fed my bacon to a pig?
205
00:10:02,965 --> 00:10:05,207
Everybody loves bacon... Oh.
206
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:06,675
It's unnatural.
207
00:10:06,709 --> 00:10:07,744
Where the hell did the pig come from?
208
00:10:07,777 --> 00:10:09,045
I don't know.
209
00:10:09,077 --> 00:10:11,580
Last night, I was talking
about wanting a pig,
210
00:10:11,614 --> 00:10:14,373
and then I woke up this
morning and there he was.
211
00:10:14,917 --> 00:10:17,363
I named him Murgatroyd.
I think we're soul mates.
212
00:10:17,364 --> 00:10:19,089
Remember this day,
213
00:10:19,646 --> 00:10:22,862
because soon I'm gonna tear my head off,
214
00:10:23,195 --> 00:10:24,296
throw it through the window,
215
00:10:24,329 --> 00:10:26,344
and escape out the broken glass.
216
00:10:28,274 --> 00:10:29,425
Remember this day.
217
00:10:31,404 --> 00:10:32,304
[Whispering] What are you doing?
218
00:10:32,338 --> 00:10:33,439
Get back in here!
219
00:10:36,309 --> 00:10:38,812
Well, it looks like someone
got lucky last night.
220
00:10:39,031 --> 00:10:40,400
I don't know what you're talking about.
221
00:10:40,401 --> 00:10:41,234
Well, look at me.
222
00:10:41,235 --> 00:10:44,705
I got a spring in my step, a rosy glow.
223
00:10:44,706 --> 00:10:46,808
I mean, I didn't technically
meet anybody, but I j...
224
00:10:46,809 --> 00:10:48,377
All right. If you must know,
225
00:10:48,787 --> 00:10:50,764
I did meet a charming
gentleman last night,
226
00:10:50,764 --> 00:10:53,309
and he walked me to my
door and that was that.
227
00:10:53,867 --> 00:10:55,302
You could have fooled me.
228
00:10:55,336 --> 00:10:57,471
You look like you were out all night.
229
00:10:57,505 --> 00:10:59,373
Now, I didn't meet anybody at the party,
230
00:10:59,405 --> 00:11:02,409
but after, this chick sent
me the filthiest text.
231
00:11:02,442 --> 00:11:03,543
Ah, let me read it.
232
00:11:03,577 --> 00:11:06,414
"What has four legs and a hump?"
233
00:11:06,447 --> 00:11:07,360
Oh, my God...
234
00:11:07,361 --> 00:11:09,097
"You and me on a date." [Chuckles]
235
00:11:09,130 --> 00:11:11,933
What the hell is happening to me?
236
00:11:11,966 --> 00:11:15,937
I will have the number 3...
the fried-shrimp
237
00:11:15,969 --> 00:11:20,240
double-bacon-egg and cheese
burger, medium rare.
238
00:11:21,226 --> 00:11:23,477
And I will have the garden salad.
239
00:11:23,511 --> 00:11:24,645
And instead of what he ordered,
240
00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:25,947
he'll have the grilled salmon.
241
00:11:25,979 --> 00:11:27,381
Thanks.
242
00:11:32,063 --> 00:11:34,022
What would you say just happened there?
243
00:11:34,054 --> 00:11:37,324
Stanley, eating like that
is gonna kill you.
244
00:11:37,357 --> 00:11:39,526
I want you nice and healthy.
245
00:11:40,593 --> 00:11:43,418
It's hard to even imagine
that you've been divorced.
246
00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:45,999
Look, you're even losing your hair.
247
00:11:46,033 --> 00:11:48,369
Ah, I think it just committed suicide
248
00:11:48,401 --> 00:11:51,071
when it found out what I was
actually having for lunch.
249
00:11:51,104 --> 00:11:53,273
Stick with me, and you'll live forever.
250
00:11:53,307 --> 00:11:56,077
Hmm. [Giggles]
251
00:11:56,110 --> 00:11:57,396
It already feels like it.
252
00:11:59,145 --> 00:12:00,915
[Whistles tune]
253
00:12:04,150 --> 00:12:06,688
♪ I'm feelin' light in the head ♪
254
00:12:06,721 --> 00:12:10,258
♪ I think you put a spell over me ♪
255
00:12:10,290 --> 00:12:13,227
♪ I'm walking on a cotton-candy cloud ♪
256
00:12:13,260 --> 00:12:16,231
♪ And yet I'm going weak in the knees ♪
257
00:12:17,198 --> 00:12:20,535
♪ I've got the
lovey-wovey-wovey-lovey-dovies ♪
258
00:12:20,568 --> 00:12:22,169
♪ Lovey-dovies ♪
259
00:12:22,203 --> 00:12:23,670
♪ The lovey-wovey-wovey-lovey-dovies ♪
260
00:12:23,703 --> 00:12:24,738
♪ Lovey-dovies ♪
261
00:12:24,771 --> 00:12:26,607
♪ For you ♪
262
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,077
♪ You swept me right off my feet ♪
263
00:12:29,110 --> 00:12:30,178
♪ Ooh, lovey-dovey ♪
264
00:12:30,211 --> 00:12:31,679
♪ You took my breath away ♪
265
00:12:31,712 --> 00:12:33,246
♪ Ooh, lovey-dovies ♪
266
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:36,684
♪ It's like you gave me a fe-e-ver ♪
267
00:12:36,717 --> 00:12:40,221
♪ And I want it to stay ♪
268
00:12:40,253 --> 00:12:43,323
♪ I've got the
lovey-wovey-wovey-lovey-dovies ♪
269
00:12:43,357 --> 00:12:44,759
So nice, so nice.
270
00:12:44,791 --> 00:12:46,727
♪ The lovey-wovey-wovey-lovey-dovies ♪
271
00:12:46,761 --> 00:12:47,761
♪ Lovey-dovies ♪
272
00:12:47,794 --> 00:12:49,630
♪ For you ♪
273
00:12:49,663 --> 00:12:50,732
♪ Lovey-dovey for you ♪
274
00:12:50,765 --> 00:12:52,033
Here, let me help you, sweetie.
275
00:12:52,065 --> 00:12:53,667
- Oh! [Bone cracks]
- Oh.
276
00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:55,302
[Exhales sharply]
277
00:12:55,336 --> 00:12:57,071
[Gasping] We did it.
278
00:12:57,103 --> 00:12:58,071
Sweet relief.
279
00:12:58,112 --> 00:12:59,748
Good work.
280
00:12:59,774 --> 00:13:00,647
[Sighs]
281
00:13:02,860 --> 00:13:05,755
Evie, there's something
I want to say to you.
282
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:10,959
It's about how I feel, and...
I hope you feel it, too.
283
00:13:11,284 --> 00:13:12,386
Oh.
284
00:13:12,419 --> 00:13:15,323
Oh, Evie, say you love me.
285
00:13:16,770 --> 00:13:17,548
What?
286
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:26,730
Goodbye.
287
00:13:26,731 --> 00:13:29,406
[Exhales sharply]
288
00:13:36,317 --> 00:13:37,463
[Sighs]
289
00:13:39,422 --> 00:13:40,362
[Sickly] I'm home!
290
00:13:40,363 --> 00:13:41,143
[Coughs]
291
00:13:42,499 --> 00:13:43,237
Hmm.
292
00:13:49,039 --> 00:13:50,508
Oh! Aah!
293
00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:53,376
Aah! Aah!
294
00:13:53,409 --> 00:13:56,046
Aaaaah!!
295
00:14:02,218 --> 00:14:05,289
Hmm.
296
00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:06,146
No.
297
00:14:06,147 --> 00:14:07,083
Denise: You know, we
should probably put in
298
00:14:07,117 --> 00:14:08,651
a pig door for Murgatroyd,
299
00:14:08,685 --> 00:14:09,953
so he can come and go as he pleases.
300
00:14:09,986 --> 00:14:10,819
Don't you think?
301
00:14:10,853 --> 00:14:12,756
He ain't gonna stay little forever.
302
00:14:12,789 --> 00:14:13,924
Before you know it,
303
00:14:13,957 --> 00:14:16,971
he's gonna be a big, fat,
regular pig like everybody else.
304
00:14:19,528 --> 00:14:22,531
Hey. There you go, buddy.
305
00:14:22,565 --> 00:14:23,666
[Snorts]
306
00:14:23,699 --> 00:14:24,868
Yeah.
307
00:14:26,135 --> 00:14:27,233
Probably shouldn't offer you an apple
308
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,135
standing this close
to the oven, should I?
309
00:14:29,167 --> 00:14:30,869
[Doorbell ringing, Murgatroyd squeals]
310
00:14:30,902 --> 00:14:32,771
Right. I see your point.
311
00:14:34,489 --> 00:14:35,789
Eh, we don't want any.
312
00:14:37,352 --> 00:14:39,092
What the hell happened to you?
313
00:14:39,533 --> 00:14:41,340
You used to be pretty,
and now you look like
314
00:14:41,383 --> 00:14:43,536
the business end of a baboon's asshole.
315
00:14:44,085 --> 00:14:47,022
Thanks. Can I... can I come in?
316
00:14:47,055 --> 00:14:49,459
Yeah. Want an apple?
317
00:14:49,492 --> 00:14:52,060
No! No. God, no.
318
00:14:52,094 --> 00:14:53,663
Can't seem to sell this thing.
319
00:14:54,363 --> 00:14:56,233
Oh, Christ.
320
00:15:01,603 --> 00:15:03,284
Well, look at the bright side...
321
00:15:03,677 --> 00:15:05,267
Now you can say
all the racist shit you want.
322
00:15:05,367 --> 00:15:07,868
Hell, I... I can't wait to be your age.
323
00:15:07,901 --> 00:15:10,738
[Sighs] All right.
We got ourselves a succubus.
324
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:12,990
Stan, how you feel since you, uh,
325
00:15:12,990 --> 00:15:13,891
since you met Brenda?
326
00:15:13,926 --> 00:15:15,926
Awful! She's always pecking away at me.
327
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,863
She won't let me eat
what I want, and she...
328
00:15:18,897 --> 00:15:20,397
Hell, she gave me a watch.
329
00:15:20,431 --> 00:15:21,583
What? A watch is nice.
330
00:15:21,583 --> 00:15:22,784
Well, it's not a watch-watch.
331
00:15:22,817 --> 00:15:24,051
It counts your steps,
332
00:15:24,059 --> 00:15:26,061
and is that what we've
become as a country,
333
00:15:26,095 --> 00:15:27,797
a bunch of nancies afraid to eat bread,
334
00:15:27,829 --> 00:15:28,764
counting our steps?
335
00:15:28,798 --> 00:15:30,100
Tell you, the first thing
I want to count
336
00:15:30,132 --> 00:15:31,473
is how many steps it takes me
337
00:15:31,474 --> 00:15:33,668
- to run my head into a band saw.
- All right.
338
00:15:33,702 --> 00:15:36,972
So, it says that a succubus,
uh, drains its life force
339
00:15:37,005 --> 00:15:38,808
from its victim, and, uh,
340
00:15:38,841 --> 00:15:41,711
its ultimate goal is
to make that willing victim
341
00:15:41,744 --> 00:15:42,712
fall in love,
342
00:15:42,745 --> 00:15:45,749
and then it can shape-shift
into its true form.
343
00:15:45,782 --> 00:15:48,818
All right... Me, you... Where's Denise?
344
00:15:48,851 --> 00:15:50,339
She's playing with her pig.
345
00:15:51,386 --> 00:15:55,090
Literally. She... she has a pig.
346
00:15:55,926 --> 00:15:56,726
Okay.
347
00:15:56,759 --> 00:16:00,257
So, a succubus needs
a willing companion, right?
348
00:16:00,257 --> 00:16:02,231
So we just go to dump their asses.
349
00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:04,366
Oh, breaking up with a woman is easy.
350
00:16:04,399 --> 00:16:06,836
You just look 'em in
the eye and you say,
351
00:16:06,869 --> 00:16:09,706
"I know you're pregnant,
and I-I know it ain't mine."
352
00:16:09,739 --> 00:16:10,807
- Okay.
- And even if she ain't pregnant,
353
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,910
she gets so angry that she...
she just goes nuts,
354
00:16:13,943 --> 00:16:15,912
and that's when you go,
"Look, I'm out of here."
355
00:16:15,944 --> 00:16:17,914
[Scoffs] "You're nuts."
356
00:16:17,946 --> 00:16:19,744
- [Scoffs]
- All right. Okay!
357
00:16:19,834 --> 00:16:23,118
Here it is... a Sumerian
break-up incantation.
358
00:16:23,151 --> 00:16:24,386
This is great.
359
00:16:24,419 --> 00:16:27,122
Now, we have to do this one at a time...
360
00:16:27,817 --> 00:16:29,859
because you got to be
wearing this amulet.
361
00:16:29,891 --> 00:16:33,696
Uh... I am supposed
to meet Sloan for a date
362
00:16:33,730 --> 00:16:35,065
in 30 minutes.
363
00:16:35,097 --> 00:16:37,467
You sit tight. Don't do anything.
364
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,135
I'm gonna break up with the succubus.
365
00:16:40,169 --> 00:16:41,471
[Bones cracking]
366
00:16:41,504 --> 00:16:42,938
Oh, Jesus!
367
00:16:43,671 --> 00:16:45,304
Don't... Don't offer to help.
368
00:16:45,390 --> 00:16:46,325
[Coughs]
369
00:16:46,742 --> 00:16:48,111
It never occurred to me.
370
00:16:48,144 --> 00:16:49,212
[Inhales sharply]
371
00:16:49,245 --> 00:16:50,980
[Music plays in background]
372
00:16:51,013 --> 00:16:53,750
[Indistinct conversations]
373
00:16:53,783 --> 00:16:55,018
Thank you.
374
00:16:55,050 --> 00:16:56,118
[Door closes]
375
00:16:56,151 --> 00:16:57,617
Hey, hey. There's my girl.
376
00:16:58,430 --> 00:17:00,723
[Clears throat] Sloan, uh...
377
00:17:01,537 --> 00:17:03,125
We need to talk.
378
00:17:03,159 --> 00:17:04,829
Okay, sure. Everything okay?
379
00:17:07,063 --> 00:17:08,363
Barra...
380
00:17:08,397 --> 00:17:10,033
Babe, what is this?
381
00:17:10,065 --> 00:17:12,802
[Groans] ...Darisam...
382
00:17:12,849 --> 00:17:14,752
[Laughing] Okay.
383
00:17:14,771 --> 00:17:15,739
Don't you say it, you old hag!
384
00:17:15,772 --> 00:17:16,740
Not in this bar.
385
00:17:16,773 --> 00:17:18,808
[Coughs] Galal!
386
00:17:18,841 --> 00:17:19,943
[Demonic scream]
387
00:17:19,976 --> 00:17:21,343
[Splattering]
388
00:17:26,006 --> 00:17:26,863
[Laughs]
389
00:17:28,851 --> 00:17:29,573
[Gasps]
390
00:17:30,453 --> 00:17:32,035
Hey, nice work with that bat.
391
00:17:33,089 --> 00:17:37,159
Although, since the victim
has obviously disappeared,
392
00:17:37,192 --> 00:17:38,761
that leads me to believe
393
00:17:38,794 --> 00:17:40,412
that this was all just a dream!
394
00:17:40,413 --> 00:17:44,918
Ga-lala-lala... Everyone
just continue dreaming!
395
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:47,788
[Door closes]
396
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:51,807
We'll be back with more
"Deadliest Chefs."
397
00:17:52,625 --> 00:17:55,028
Woman: What's wrong, Jean?
398
00:17:55,062 --> 00:17:56,597
Jean: I'm supposed to visit my Nana,
399
00:17:56,630 --> 00:17:57,971
but I'm up to here with old-lady...
400
00:17:58,096 --> 00:17:59,064
Guys, it works! Huh?
401
00:17:59,559 --> 00:18:00,961
Stan, we got to find Brenda.
402
00:18:00,993 --> 00:18:04,831
[Slowly] Hey.
403
00:18:04,873 --> 00:18:07,705
Denise, have you been
dating anyone recently?
404
00:18:08,104 --> 00:18:09,807
[Scoffs] No.
405
00:18:10,064 --> 00:18:12,592
Or just, like, hanging out
with somebody new?
406
00:18:13,005 --> 00:18:16,293
No, nobody but Murgatroyd.
407
00:18:16,492 --> 00:18:17,730
The pig.
408
00:18:18,905 --> 00:18:20,008
Well, that's it. That's it!
409
00:18:20,108 --> 00:18:21,530
Denise, you got to get rid of him.
410
00:18:21,681 --> 00:18:22,581
[Amulet jostles]
411
00:18:22,582 --> 00:18:25,936
I can't. No, I-I'm going to my room.
412
00:18:26,719 --> 00:18:28,120
Murgatroyd.
413
00:18:28,121 --> 00:18:30,624
[Panting] Why can't... I run? Why...
414
00:18:31,057 --> 00:18:32,660
- Oh, for Christ sake...
- Do you not... Denise!
415
00:18:34,362 --> 00:18:37,003
Denise! He's gonna kill you!
416
00:18:37,047 --> 00:18:37,600
[Doorknob jostles]
417
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:38,787
Denise: He wouldn't do that!
418
00:18:38,787 --> 00:18:40,268
He's just a pig!
419
00:18:40,276 --> 00:18:41,076
That's it.
420
00:18:41,109 --> 00:18:43,067
Tomorrow, I am taking this door off.
421
00:18:43,068 --> 00:18:46,371
You have officially lost
your door privileges.
422
00:18:46,403 --> 00:18:48,873
I mean, why tomorrow. Why not today?
423
00:18:48,905 --> 00:18:49,807
That's curious.
424
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,809
It's never quite enough
for you, is it, huh?
425
00:18:51,843 --> 00:18:54,112
[Electric whirring, demonic growling]
426
00:18:57,214 --> 00:18:58,582
[Screams]
427
00:18:58,615 --> 00:19:01,150
[Demonic howl]
428
00:19:01,378 --> 00:19:04,255
[Evie screams]
429
00:19:04,288 --> 00:19:06,891
Hey, guys. You remember Murgatroyd.
430
00:19:06,923 --> 00:19:08,527
[Demonic howl]
431
00:19:11,595 --> 00:19:12,963
[Tail cracks]
432
00:19:12,997 --> 00:19:14,032
Aah!
433
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:15,834
Evie! [Screams]
434
00:19:15,873 --> 00:19:18,153
[Howling]
435
00:19:18,154 --> 00:19:19,067
[Splat]
436
00:19:19,068 --> 00:19:20,369
Huh? Bacon for a pig.
437
00:19:20,404 --> 00:19:21,629
[Snorting] Suck on that.
438
00:19:21,629 --> 00:19:23,064
[Demonic howl]
439
00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:26,334
[Grunts] Huh?
440
00:19:26,873 --> 00:19:29,996
Okay. Okay, Denise,
we'll put this on you.
441
00:19:30,651 --> 00:19:33,082
Okay, now all you got to do is say...
442
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:34,041
Shit!
443
00:19:34,850 --> 00:19:36,103
It was really veiny when I wrote this!
444
00:19:36,104 --> 00:19:37,604
Hammy!
445
00:19:37,605 --> 00:19:39,341
[Demonic howl]
446
00:19:40,884 --> 00:19:43,769
Uh... bar-nuf... bar... or deljib?
447
00:19:43,770 --> 00:19:44,571
No, no, no!
448
00:19:44,572 --> 00:19:46,646
Uh... ba-barra... barra, barra!
449
00:19:48,190 --> 00:19:49,658
Barra.
450
00:19:49,691 --> 00:19:52,139
Dar... Darisam! Darisam!
451
00:19:52,140 --> 00:19:53,646
- [Grunts]
- Darisam.
452
00:19:56,498 --> 00:19:57,774
- [Grunts]
- Gelal.
453
00:19:58,124 --> 00:19:59,393
Ahh, pig!
454
00:19:59,394 --> 00:20:00,594
[Weakly] Gelal.
455
00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:03,438
[Splattering]
456
00:20:07,788 --> 00:20:08,570
Gah!
457
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:13,607
Well... [Exhales sharply]
458
00:20:13,607 --> 00:20:16,243
You guys might have been
right about Murgatroyd.
459
00:20:16,278 --> 00:20:19,181
"Might" as in, like, "Maybe."
460
00:20:19,213 --> 00:20:20,993
Brenda: Why do I smell bacon?
461
00:20:21,060 --> 00:20:22,056
Right on time.
462
00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:24,319
She doesn't even bother
to knock anymore.
463
00:20:24,353 --> 00:20:27,623
She just... lets herself in
like she owns the joint.
464
00:20:27,655 --> 00:20:29,293
Whew. [Panting]
465
00:20:32,964 --> 00:20:34,163
[Door closes]
466
00:20:34,709 --> 00:20:36,865
What reeks in here, pork? [Sighs]
467
00:20:36,865 --> 00:20:39,001
Stanley, I'm trying to keep you healthy.
468
00:20:39,035 --> 00:20:40,670
Yeah, that's, uh, about enough of that.
469
00:20:40,702 --> 00:20:42,004
Evie, let me... give me the...
470
00:20:42,038 --> 00:20:43,472
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
471
00:20:43,506 --> 00:20:44,975
Uh, how's the... How's the thing go?
472
00:20:45,008 --> 00:20:46,675
- Right here.
- Oh.
473
00:20:47,210 --> 00:20:50,480
Uh... Barra Darisam...
474
00:20:50,512 --> 00:20:52,615
Gelal!
475
00:20:52,648 --> 00:20:53,875
Yeah!
476
00:20:54,817 --> 00:20:56,105
I don't get it.
477
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:57,754
Oh, God damn it.
478
00:20:57,996 --> 00:21:00,032
Here, I thought you were
a life-sucking succubus.
479
00:21:00,064 --> 00:21:01,933
[Scoffs] So did my ex-husband.
480
00:21:01,966 --> 00:21:03,725
Well, what... What do you call that?
481
00:21:03,772 --> 00:21:04,903
Varicose vein?
482
00:21:05,204 --> 00:21:08,441
Brenda, listen, dear, I, uh...
483
00:21:09,159 --> 00:21:10,619
I know you're pregnant.
484
00:21:11,707 --> 00:21:13,144
And I know it ain't mine.
485
00:21:13,177 --> 00:21:16,381
[Whispers] Sorry. Really sorry.
486
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,642
[Whistling tune]
487
00:21:24,674 --> 00:21:27,611
♪ Lovey-dovies for you ♪
488
00:21:27,644 --> 00:21:29,221
♪ Lovey-dovies for you ♪
32843
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
