Original subtitles

hey.

Hi.

Thanks for coming over,

ugh, I need a tap out.

Yeah, I don't doubt it.

He's been on a bender since Tuesday.

No, they haven't talked, he's just a mess.

Are his parents here?

No, they're out of town.

You got the place all to yourself.

Oh, yeah, no, I'm not staying inside all day

with captain Morgan.

It's good to see your face.

We should hang out more, like the good old days.

Alright, good to see you.

Yeah, you too.

Miles?

Miles?

Becca, what are you doing here?

Nice to see you too, miles.

Yeah, well, you really mastered the art of laying low.

Well, the last few months have been

really crazy for me.

Is this your old room?

It's looks different.

Yeah, my parents turned it into a guest room.

It's very Hiltonesque.

Thanks.

I mean that in like, a nice way.

Like an upscale Hilton.

You know, not like a Hilton express.

Okay, dude, time to get up.

Ah!

You look pathetic, so we need to go outside.

Yeah, you are, 'cause I'm in charge

and there's lots of sharp objects and pills everywhere,

so, let's go.

Becca, I appreciate the love,

but I'm not in the mood.

You got 10 minutes.

I'm not going.

Yes, you are.

Dude, stop feeling sorry for yourself.

This room fucking stinks and you look like shit,

so put some pants on and let's go.

Becca, I love you, fuck off.

For you to leave me alone?

You need some happy sad music.

Happy sad music, musically it's uplifting

and lyrically, it makes you want to rip your heart out.

It makes you feel better about being sad.

Really miles, "unbreak my heart"?

Ooh, here you go.

Stop.

get up, get up, get up, get up.

Stop.

Get up.

Okay, you are wearing pants.

Cathy's?

Mimosa actually sounds pretty good about now.

Is this your car?

Yep.

You getting in?

Nope.

Nobody walks anywhere.

Exactly.

I don't wanna walk.

Dude, it's five blocks.

I'm still hungover from last night.

Whiner.

Are you fuckin' serious with this parking job?

Probably should walk,

wait up!

Do you remember the day we met, miles?

Can I buy a vowel, I think I'm still hungover

from last night.

It was the first day of school.

You remember what we did, Bueller?

Oh my god, stop doing that.

We ditched school, we walked around, we went bowling.

Exactly, well, we're gonna do the same thing today.

well, actually, I could go bowling later,

I don't have any socks with me,

The point is, we're gonna take the day,

walk around and talk our shit out.

Our shit, what's your shit, I know my shit.

You first.

in two weeks and now I don't know

what the fuck I'm going to do.

Can you top that?

Not this year.

Didn't think so

What's your shit?

My shit.

I think I might move to New York.

I know, well, do you remember my friend Erin?

art gallery since college,

we'll sell our own art, we'll sell other

people's art, we'll give classes

and we'll do like a community art project thing.

so, now is the time.

I think I'm gonna do it.

You do realize how insane of an idea that is, right?

Thanks, miles.

I mean, the only, the one percent are even

spending any money on art, it's not community art.

Well, I'm glad somebody else is on the same page.

Oh and I have to let her know by tomorrow

wanna rush into.

we've been working on it for over a year.

We just found the perfect place

and we have to let them know by tomorrow

if we want to do the down payment, so.

Yeah, 'cause there's like a real lack of rundown

commercial space in New York.

Wow, why do you care if I move to New York?

I don't care.

It would be weird not having you here.

Sweet.

So, now I have to figure out my life's course

in Brooklyn said I need my money by tomorrow?

What is that?

It was just slumlord.

Yeah, pretty much.

I'm gonna go to sleep, wake me up when

you know your life's course.

What is this, what's happening?

This isn't the miles I know.

The miles you know had a really rough week.

Do you remember why that day was so awesome, miles?

No.

about new teachers and classes and new friends,

we just, we hit pause and walked around

and we talked shit out and we took it all in.

Went bowling.

Played skee ball.

Yes.

God, I miss playing skee ball.

The app's not, it doesn't feel the same.

Life was still there for us 24 hours later.

It was.

It's a different day, but it's the same situation.

Come on, do it today, today, me and you, today,

come on, are you in?

Are you in?

Are you in?

One second.

Hi.

Miles, honey, I've called Sam's parents

and we've set up a powwow for tomorrow evening

so we can all just sit down and sort this out together.

A powwow?

You're not supposed to be back from

that the wedding we've already invested $20,000 in

might be cancelled.

Yeah, um, I'm sorry, I just, I don't know

how I feel right now.

Miles, this is not about you anymore,

so if you're splitting, we need to remove the emotion.

Your father and I are coming back for this, alright?

We're a team, we'll work it out together.

Alright, mom, mom, I just

okay, no more arguments, alright?

No more arguments, we love you,

we're here for you, we'll see you tomorrow.

Okay.

Everything okay?

Amazing.

So are you in?

No.

Are you in, are you in, are you in, are you in?

Stop tickling me.

Yeah, I'm in.

Really.

Okay, here are the rules.

Really, there's rules?

You always do that.

You need to tell me the rules before I decide on it.

Well, you already agreed, so sorry.

This is so fucking stupid,

Okay, the rules are, we do everything the way

that we did them in high school.

I'm not wearing cargo shorts.

Thank god.

we didn't have cars, so there's no driving today.

That's a loaded question, you got rides in high school.

Shut up.

Then yes, we can get rides.

Is that it?

Uh, no cellphones.

Dude, we're not checking them all day, come on.

Same time.

What about my iPod?

Your iPod?

Yeah.

You have an iPod?

to see you rock a boombox on your shoulder all day,

your second iPhone will be fine.

You're a match.

You wanna talk about it?

No.

Cool, so what else is going on in your life?

Um, she gets home from work on Tuesday night

and I had already had like a suspicion

that she had been reading my diary.

What?

You have a diary?

Yeah.

Are you trying to make me feel better?

by the spine and a couple times I saw it

in the middle.

Wow, Nancy drew is on the case.

What, were you fighting or something?

but some days, it just seemed like she was

I just didn't think anything had gone that far.

Right, so it's weird 'cause she's being distant.

Yeah, yeah, but I just didn't think

it had gotten extreme.

So what happened?

She denied that she read my journal

and I told her she was lying.

Ah, that's bold.

Yeah.

laces into me about how like, I can't trust her

and how fucked up that is that I can't

drive her crazy and then she decides to tell me

that she's, that she cheated on me.

Holy shit.

Yeah, fucking sucked.

I was blown away and I'm like,

you're lying about that.

wait, how did you know she read your diary?

'Cause I read her diary.

Miles.

So, did she write anything about his guy in the diary?

No.

Can I get you something to drink?

Coffee, please.

Yeah, and can I have a coffee and a water.

Yep.

And a diet coke?

Okay.

And a chocolate milkshake.

Okay.

And a mimosa.

Just bring 'em all out as they're ready.

So, what'd you do when she told you she cheated on you?

Freaked out, I mean, it's like all my worst fears

coming true.

like my parents, you know, like they fight, they bicker,

like everybody else, but underneath it all,

there's like this love and respect

and like a genuine friendship,

I don't know if we ever had that.

So, I left the apartment

and I've been home ever since.

And you haven't talked to her?

She called, but she didn't leave a message.

You didn't call her back?

I don't know if I'm ready to talk to her.

Miles.

Trust me, it's for the best.

It is, you didn't seem too thrilled

about whoever it was you were talking to

on the way over here, who was that?

My mom.

Oh, how's she doing?

She and my dad are coming home from vacation early,

tomorrow, and they've already had a talk with

Sam's parents and we're having a powwow to talk it out.

Wow, that's a thing that's gonna happen?

but she had a lot of money had been invested

in the wedding and it was about more than just me and Sam.

Damn, those Jews know how to guilt.

Yeah, oh, perfect timing.

Champagne, morning beverage of life, cheers.

L'Chaim.

Thanks, my coffee?

No, trust me, it's better this way.

I'm gonna go pee outta my dick.

Is there any other way?

Outta my butt?

That's gross and unnecessary.

so I could put you on the VIP guest list if you want.

Yeah, you wanna come pick me up?

on San Vincente, but I'll be finished around

eight o'clock, so you can pick me up there.

I haven't had a breakout in like, a week.

Great, yeah, I see

what's going on here.

Don't be silly, protect your Willy.

Thanks for brunch, miles.

Thanks for getting me out of the house.

So, I have to stop by the gallery

to pick up my check, can you find something there

Ugh, art, sounds depressing.

Miles, it's Sam, your fiance,

um, look I really fucked up,

please call me, I don't know why you're

not answering my phone calls,

but it's really important that we talk.

Yo.

Good call on the happy sad music, it works.

NWA, "I ain't the one".

Did you do what you had to do?

Yeah, my boss is such a bitch.

Why?

She's cutting like, half my shifts.

New York's looking good about now.

Better every second.

What do you think it's called?

Fuck you, bitch.

Definitely, definitely, I mean it's

obvious the artist came home from a vacation

in a fancy European castle he took his girl to,

she was like a bitch the entire time,

they ended up breaking up and then he came home to America.

He painted the castle.

It's called "so this is love" and it is

sleeping beauty's castle at Disneyland,

which is literally the happiest place on earth.

Hmm, so you're looking at the painting.

See, I'm kind of looking beyond the painting,

at the subtext.

Subtext, right, yeah.

What about this one?

Hmm, it's vagina.

It's a vagina he's never gonna have again

and this girl cheated on him,

he's left, he's over it

and now it's just a dusty, locked away closed vag.

Uh, this one is called "Donazione"

and it is Michelangelo the day before

he starts painting the Sistine chapel.

It represents, you know, possibilities are endless,

with a open heart, the masterpiece that

you can create with love.

I don't see Michelangelo.

He's right there in the middle, holding a paint can.

Eh, once again, the subtext.

Oh, what about this one?

He's being sarcastic.

or like a happy face or something, you know?

This is where I hide on my lunch break.

It's all so subjective,

like who decides what's good art

and what's bad art?

We do.

Maybe you do, working in that

fancy schmancy gallery, not me.

No, I mean, you decide whether you like it or not.

Just because it's in a museum or a gallery,

it doesn't mean that it's good or bad.

You have to decide if you like it for yourself.

Yeah, but it's not about talent.

It's like more important to be

a good salesman than a good artist.

Isn't that true about everything in life?

I hope not, I suck at selling myself.

No, I don't care, I don't care.

Tell that bitch mother of yours

to get here, I don't care, traffic,

we know there's traffic in Los Angeles, sweetie.

We know that, but I need you here now.

Now, I've got a meeting with Zack Efron in 10 minutes, baby.

No, no you can't meet him!

That's the exactly the reason I never

want to be good at selling myself.

Guy's a complete douche.

Yeah, I know, that's why I don't wanna

Yeah, but that guy's not from la.

He's a transplant.

People from la are actually cool.

after watching too much swimming with sharks

and entourage, they think you have to be a complete

asshole to make it in la, but really they're

have like a, vision and a decent moral compass.

Isn't Sam from la?

So?

She's really cool, miles, have you thought

about maybe trying to work it out?

I've thought about everything, I can't stop thinking,

the problem is, I don't know what I want

and I haven't spoken to her,

and honesty, I don't even know if I care what she wants.

I kinda wanna know what I want

before I talk to her.

It makes sense.

You can't answer it.

Don't want to.

Hello, hey, there you are,

this is dad, uh, boy am I sorry that I

screamed at you so much on the phone earlier.

I didn't mean to be that loud,

I just was a little bit more than surprised

that you were suddenly gonna move to New York

and leave your job here,

so anyway, just give me a call back

and we can discuss, sorry,

it just doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

So, bye.

Shouldn't we be a little more low profile?

Always a sketcher in every group.

You know, it's like the first rule of smoking weed

is every group has somebody who completely

bugs out, I knew it wasn't gonna be me.

I'm just saying, we're not even pretending to hide it.

But that's what they expect you to do.

You know, if you're just like, walking around in public,

in the middle of the day smoking weed,

but if you're like, you know, hiding behind a dumpster,

like tucked down in some shrub, it looks shady,

plus it's practically legal.

I can't believe you're a teacher.

Believe it.

We need a new mission.

How about we go around Los Angeles

and we try and find the most beautiful thing

we've never seen.

Way too upbeat for me right now.

Okay, I'll look for the most beautiful

thing and you look for the ugliest.

Now we're cookin' with gas

this is for both of us, thanks.

Oh, man.

doesn't mean we can't smell your fart.

I actually can't smell it anymore.

Just kidding.

What's his name?

Uh, his name is Eric Abrams, but his friends

call him Gabrams.

Oh, he does valet down at the Biltmore,

but he's an aspiring BARISTA.

Place of origin?

Duh, Florida.

Let's check it out.

No!

Where you from?

Huh?

Where you from?

Houston.

Oh, that's cool.

Is it?

Uh, I guess not.

Do we have any other questions?

What are you listening to?

Dude, you really care?

Are they good?

Yeah.

Nice fart by the way.

Thank you.

Oh god, it's so gorgeous out today.

Are you really ready to move?

New York's freezing.

Everybody just complains about the weather there,

I know, I know, but I've been talking about it

forever and I feel like if I don't actually do it

I'm just gonna always be a talker.

You gotta be smart about it,

you can't be like, I have to decide

I am miles, I've been talking about it forever.

So then what's the debate about?

Honestly, my dad and you guys, you know, my friends.

What'd your dad say?

what about your savings, where are you gonna live,

blah blah blah, it's just,

you know, he's never say it but he'd be lonely without me,

you know, I take care of him.

Does he ever get out?

Yeah, he's gone on a few dates,

I don't know, I think it's hard for him, you know

because it feels like he's cheating on my mom.

That sucks.

Yeah, it's hard.

Sometimes he calls me by her name by accident.

How are you holding up?

Depends, sometimes I wake up and I forget

that she's gone.

Can we talk about something else?

Oh, yeah, sorry.

It's still really not proper stoner talk.

Ugliest thing in la, let's go, found it.

Ugliest thing I've never seen in la,

Nickelback at the Wiltern.

I wonder how Beck feels about that,

he's playing on Friday.

Probably the same way gene Kelly, frank Sinatra,

Judy garland feel, they're all rolling over

in their graves.

They used to run this street back in the day.

All the Hollywood big wigs, they lived around here.

My dad grew up around here.

Quality time with my dad would be him

taking me around all the neighborhoods,

explaining the history, the architecture.

That and watching Rogers and Hammerstein musicals.

You must have tried with all your might

Wasn't easy, still doubt it sometimes.

singing alone to Whitney Houston.

"How will I know", "I wanna dance with somebody".

the late, great Whitney Houston, rip.

What was down here, wasn't it the amsthing.

And the coconut girl, right?

Yeah, they built a 600 million dollar high school.

Yeah, yeah, let's just tear down a really

important piece of la history,

lay off thousands of teachers during a depression

and built a 600 million dollar high school.

We love it!

Where bing Crosby first sang,

where Marilyn Monroe first signed a contract

to become a model, where Robert Kennedy was assassinated.

Now the most expensive school in the history of America.

That building better be able to fly.

for 600 million dollars, our system is so fucked.

Bet the sloppy Joe's are off the chain.

Whatever, I'm just a cog in the wheel.

I stopped practicing law because I actually

wanted to try and help people but,

sometimes I feel like teaching's no better.

What, your kids love you, miles.

Yeah, but they can't fire the old shitty teachers,

which is why I might not have a job next year.

ream out a kid if they're two seconds late for class,

but they won't just pull him aside,

have a conversation if he's flunking.

They fired everyone under me, so I would be next.

Oh, god, I know it's hard.

It's really important that there's teachers

who actually care.

get into teaching if you don't like kids, you know?

I mean, I feel like sometimes,

my kids are the only people I believe in.

What's up, fag?

Fuck you, you little shit.

Too bad your girlfriend doesn't know

that you're a fag.

Too bad I'm not his girlfriend.

She does know he's a fag.

Couldn't you have been my girlfriend

Oh, sorry, I can be your girlfriend for two seconds.

Whatever, I take it back, fuck kids too.

Yeah, fuck kids.

Man, you held your own though.

Even though Nickelback at the Wiltern is hideous,

it can't be used for the ugliest thing in Los Angeles.

at the Wiltern, it has to be something you've

never seen before.

That sucks.

Game's still on.

It's weird, how many people do you think

what kind of crazy shit used to go down here?

Um, not a lot.

It's like this entire area has had it's history

completely erased, does anybody care?

Jesus, miles, yes, people care.

Do the people of Koreatown care, no, probably not.

putting food on the table and cheap rent.

Koreans and Mexicans don't care

about history and culture, wow,

there's nothing worse than a well intentioned white person.

I'm just saying, not everyone in la

grew up with a dad who was trying to turn them gay.

You know, I'm just saying, why make history

if no one's gonna remember it?

Do you need a hug?

I feel like you need a hug.

I do, a hug would be nice.

Miles, it's not up to you or I to save history today.

Let's leave that up to the la conservancy,

they can be pissed about it.

We've got too much on our plates.

I'm a member of the la conservancy.

Oh, of course you are.

Eric is calling?

Interesting.

I'll let you answer it if you let me

check my messages.

No phones today.

Who is he?

Just a guy that I was seeing.

What happened?

Nothing,

uh, I don't know, I kind of flaked on him a few times

and he was really nice about it

and I should give him a call when I wanted to rock.

He actually told you to call him

when you wanted to rock?

That's awesome.

Did you call him?

No, I respect the move though.

I respect the move, I wanna call him

It's all about the timing, you know?

Sometimes if things are a few months earlier

or a few months later,

everything would turn out differently,

but, if the timing's off, then the timing's off.

Did you see Jeremy this morning?

Yeah, I saw him for a minute.

Oh, god, we're fine, whatever, it's cool.

He still talks about you a lot.

Well, good for him.

This morning he said, "we should hang out like old times. "

Wow.

You're not still interested are you?

Yeah, I can't wait to have his babies.

How'd you forgive him?

The first time?

The first time I pretended like it never happened.

Yikes, that's hard.

The second time, I dumped his ass

and had sex with someone with a much bigger dick.

So, I have to find a woman with like a much

bigger vagina?

No, opposite.

It doesn't work.

Tighter.

Tighter is more revenge.

The tighter the better.

Hey, he doesn't know that you're the one

who told me that he was cheating on me, right?

God, no, I hope not, I mean, I never told him.

oh, I said I could see it in your eyes.

I just stared at them and said it like four times

until he started to cry.

He thinks I have esp.

He totally does, that's it.

He keeps telling me that he knows

that you know that he's thinking about you

you're gonna come back.

Stop it.

Tool.

Have any other guys in your life

other than rockin' Eric?

No, not really.

You know, relationship's are hard.

Tell me about it, women are crazy.

Not what I meant.

Oh, well, it's true.

Nice, what did you mean Becca, oh, thank you miles.

What I meant was I'm super picky, you know,

and I know pretty quickly if I'm

and if I'm not, I don't wanna waste their time or mine.

because it's convenient or they're lonely.

I don't want that to be me.

So you knew that you weren't into Eric?

No, no, not necessarily.

Yes, miles I'm giving myself the chance.

Here you have a guy who says the most awesome

thing ever, call me when you wanna rock,

and you don't call him, he obviously like you

and this is the same guy you just said two seconds ago

you didn't know if you liked him or not,

so how's that giving yourself a chance?

I don't know miles, you know,

I've got a lot on my plate right now.

I'm moving to New York maybe and I'm dealing

with my dad, I just feel like it went from

taking care of my mom to taking care of my dad

and I don't have the time or energy to

take care of somebody else right now.

taking care of each other.

Really, relationship advice?

Yeah, I guess I should talk.

I hear what you're saying, I get it,

it's just, I don't know,

a relationship seems daunting.

I haven't been single long, that seems daunting.

Do me a favor, if you get back together with Sam,

just don't do it because you're afraid of being alone.

I mean, you just turned 30, your values going way up,

mine's going in the opposite direction.

Your aura's off.

Yeah, I've had kind of like a rough week, so.

Not you, her.

Oh, you're talking about her?

I agree.

What's wrong with my aura?

Beets.

Beets, you need to eat more beets.

They're magical.

Beets.

Beets.

Thank you.

What about mine?

You're cool, man, good vibes.

Thanks, man.

Ugh.

Yeah, I don't know about that, thank you.

Beets.

Beets.

Where are we headed?

The beet store, obviously.

Blow me.

Where'd you go?

It's weird, it's like, she was the one,

she was the one I was going to spend the

rest of my life with, you know?

A couple weeks ago, everything was fine,

now, it's not like I think there's one person

out of six billion that I could be happy with,

there's not a lot of girls out there

that aren't crazy.

Everybody's crazy, miles.

People who aren't a little bit crazy are boring.

You just have to find someone who's your type of crazy.

Sam was my kind of crazy.

How so?

She can like, shotgun a beer faster than I can,

she could speak intelligently about every

proposition in the upcoming election.

She knew every word to "regulators".

She makes me laugh.

So, the question is then,

can you still trust her?

I don't know.

That's what you gotta figure out.

I'm pathetic.

I read her fucking diary, like, how sad is that?

If I just didn't do that,

everything would be fine right now.

It's not your finest moment, miles,

but, we've all done stupid things.

I mean, you had a feeling that something was wrong

and you were right.

I gotta give her credit,

she puts up with a lot of my shit,

I come home and I wake her up for sex,

sweat profusely, I've got hair.

Okay, okay, okay, you're literally describing

every nonhomosexual man there is,

so, let's not give her props for liking men, okay?

Yeah, but she's like...

You're amazing, whoever you choose

is gonna be incredibly lucky,

whether it's Sam or not.

You're smart, you're confident,

you're really good with kids and animals.

You're an incessantly positive person,

you have an amazing outlook on life,

although maybe not the last three days.

You're, what else, you're hilarious

and you're sweet and you're so talented.

Keep going, this is great, I'm enjoying this.

I don't know, I'm just saying.

Stop being such a bitch.

I'm actually surprised we never hooked up.

I don't know, I don't wanna make it awkward.

What did you mean to make it?

I just mean like, considering all the

drunken nights we spent together in the last 15 years,

you'd think, yeah, maybe something like that

could've happened.

We proved "when Harry met Sally" wrong, go us.

Fist bump.

Hey.

We did kiss one time though.

I mean, it wasn't a big deal, you were blackout.

It was the summer before senior year,

we went up to Santa Barbara for the flaming lips, remember?

Jeremy and Nicole went back into the bedroom

to smoke pot and you said, "if I spoke pot, I'm

"gonna throw up all over the world," so.

and then, you looked at me and you gave me that

same shiteating grin that you're doing right now

and you said, "if we kiss, then neither of us

"would ever throw up again for our entire lives,"

and then you kissed me.

Oh, my god, me too, you threw up everywhere,

over the balcony onto that woman who was a few stories down,

oh man, she was so pissed.

into Jeremy's room and you guys started dating after that.

Yeah, crazy night.

Can I tell you something?

Always.

I wasn't blacked out.

Dude, you were fucking gone.

But I wasn't blacked out.

You shit.

I had a crush on you.

What?

Yeah, but that train was coming to it's last stop,

you know, we broke up like four days later.

Why didn't you ever say anything?

I was nervous.

No, miles, you were not a nervous guy.

It's weird to take something from the friend zone

into the romantic zone.

Alright, well, good to know that doesn't

bother you anymore.

I don't know, whatever, it was like a bunch of years ago,

you know, I'm over it, you know.

You remember that time, it was like a few days

before that trip where you came over to my house?

Yeah.

Yeah, I made you that bean dip and you said

you had something important to tell me?

I told you that I had a crush on Jeremy.

Thought you were gonna tell me you had a crush on me.

Oh, miles, I'm sorry.

Oh, my god, it was 13 years ago, I'm over it.

You always treated me like I was your little sister.

You used to give me noogies.

Yeah, it was total friend zone back then, you know,

but you grew on me.

Well, when did you start liking me?

Middle of junior year, I went to your house,

I knocked on the door, no one came to the door,

so I just kind of walked around

and I saw you just painting, listening to music

and I just watched for like an hour and a half.

Creep, taxi!

Hilarious.

Wow.

Crazy.

That is crazy.

I had a crush on you since like the day I met you

until I started dating Jeremy.

Way, of course I had a crush on you,

I've always had a crush on you.

Miles, I was the new girl and you were the dorky

funny guy who made me feel at home, like right away,

what wasn't there to like?

I'm not disagreeing with you,

other than the dorky part.

You know, I never knew.

I wasn't gonna tell you.

See, this is what I mean, if our timing

was a little different, who knows?

cheating on me, I could have been walking

around with Sam all day.

Shut up.

In the world of affairs, we live in our own age

in books we live in all ages.

La central library, actually just named it

the Richard Riordan library,

could have called it the ray Bradbury central library,

teaching himself to write in here.

Fahrenheit 451 versus an old balding exmayor.

Tough decision.

I like the la central library best.

So do I, Riordan's not even dead yet.

You shouldn't be able to have a building

named after you unless you're dead.

What if you're super awesome?

and you wouldn't need a fucking building to tell you that.

I think I need a building to tell me that.

Oh, for you, I shall make an exception.

I love all the light posts in la.

Yeah, they're pretty sweet.

They're so charming, you know?

Each one's so different and cool.

I've never really noticed.

You should start noticing them.

Can't use it as your most beautiful thing though, right,

I'm just saying, well, you should take

care of yourself and find your ugliest thing.

Okay, alright, I think I will.

You're pretty ugly.

Nice.

Could be that.

You're uglier.

Oh, burn.

it's a beautiful day for a beautiful day.

How you doin', sir? Wanna watch?

Sit over here in the mezzanine, c'mon.

Who wants to dance?

Come on, come on, bring it back, bring it back.

Great seats.

There we go, there we go, ho!

He's really good.

You like men, you like women, I'm looking

for some ladies, but I don't care, I don't care

who's going down on me anymore.

I used to care, not anymore, I use my imagination

and just imagine it's a 20 year old girl

that I met in telemcula and then it's, boom!

She's on your cock.

Boom.

Even though it's a guy, it don't matter.

It don't matter.

Is he coming?

Yeah.

And he's here.

Hold this please.

Oh, I don't, maybe like 4:30?

I'm late.

Yeah, we should go.

What do you think he's late for?

Good with families and children,

bad with parking meters.

That's the ugliest thing in la.

More sad than ugly.

Let's go.

really that far from sleeping on the street.

Speak for yourself, I'm not conversing

with a parking meter.

You've never talk to an inanimate object?

We all hear voices in our head, miles.

Crazy people just say what they hear out loud,

trying to keep them quiet.

Wow, I was not expecting you to say something

so profound, I actually need a moment to like,

process that.

Another difference is they smell.

Did you not smell yourself this morning?

Have a little compassion.

Ugh, my feet hurt.

Aw, poor baby, you want, want me to,

come on, come on, oh my god, ah,

see how compassionate I'm being?

Where are we going, do you know?

No, I don't, I kinda like that.

Yeah, me too, I guess.

and not worry about the destination.

You should put that on a tshirt.

We should.

Easier said than done.

No, I think we could if we wanted to.

those people know how to live.

It starts out with family then health

then work, here it's complete opposite.

Okay, so like, if we were living today

based solely on Italian principles,

We'd move back in with our parents.

We would start using olive oil instead of butter,

drink more red wine.

Yeah, that sounds awesome.

Si, I gotta move in with your parents though.

Ready to give all this up for New York?

I don't know, this place is amazing.

It's like the OG food court.

It's the best, this whole street's the best.

the same price they sell for in Mexico.

Yeah, three hats, 10 bucks.

Are they made of flour?

Corn, actually.

This whole place used to be carne asada,

pig heads, butcher shops, now there's

like a hipster juice bar.

I hate hipsters.

Hate is a strong word, miles.

Don't give me your bullshit compassion.

These hipsters come in and they like take over

our authentic la, now there's a urban outfitters

and an Ace hotel on Broadway.

Would you rather the property sits empty and languishes?

No, but they just think they're so fucking cool.

You think you're so fucking cool.

Yeah, but I can just be cool by like

showing people I'm cool,

I don't need like a fucking mustache.

the same as everybody else.

Do I?

Yeah, you shop at penguin, you wear lucky jeans,

you like ball caps and you wear white tshirts,

I can name three guys that dress just like you.

Please don't.

Just saying, you're not special.

Wow, single tear rolling down my cheek

for the next three hours.

People who wear one uniform, they love to look

down on people who wear another uniform,

it's the human race.

I know really cool guys that dress like you,

and I know super douches that dress like you.

it's like, no matter what your uniform is,

there's a neighborhood for you.

Yeah, but some uniforms still suck.

Like what?

The Nazi uniform?

I don't know, guess I've never met a cool Nazi,

but uh, there's still time.

Ah, you like to push my buttons.

What's your uniform, Ms. knowitall.

I don't have a uniform.

There's your uniform.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I don't think there's a song in it with whistling

that I don't like,

"Sittin' on The dock of the bay", classic.

"Don't worry be happy", classic.

"Stranger", Billy Joel.

"Daydream", lovin' spoonful.

There's more.

Genius, no, there's more, there's more.

There's a, what's the one, do do do do do do do.

You know the one that goes do do do do do do do.

Oh yeah, that one, right, uhhuh.

I hate you.

No, I do, kinda hate you.

No, you love me.

in Los Angeles today, when are we crowning a champion?

Oh, I saw the most beautiful thing,

like, an hour ago.

had to find it, you assume that we

That's so lame, of course we have share

it with each other.

You didn't see anything.

Yes, I did.

What did you see?

You didn't see shit.

I saw an older lady sitting in a flimsy folding chair

in the middle of the sidewalk knitting herself a scarf.

And?

And, you wonder why I don't wanna tell you anything.

I'm listening.

She was just sitting there, not waiting for anything,

not the bus, not the Metro, she was just sitting,

knitting, doing her thing.

Why is that beautiful?

I thought it was peaceful.

How so?

She was just doing something for herself.

She was doing something to bring herself some peace.

I thought it was beautiful.

I get it, I get it.

I mean, I don't think it wins the day, but I get it.

You ever see a pbr tallboy in a can?

It's a thing of beauty.

Cheers.

How are your folks?

They're great, yeah, they've been up

to my aunt's house in San Francisco.

Oh, that's so cool, they're always doing fun stuff.

Yeah, they literally had a water fight the other day.

Yeah, the relationship kind of simultaneously

makes me feel like a failure in love

but also that you know, there's hope that somebody

I'll have what they have.

You will, it's all gonna work out.

Will it?

I think it will.

I mean, there's a chance that

That's a possibility.

Yes, there's a possibility that it won't work out.

It's weird, it's like when we tell people

it'll all work out, how do we know?

We don't, you just lie to them to make them

feel better about it, but I'm not talking about

the situation, I'm talking about you

because I know you, you're a survivor.

Shit's gonna get thrown at us our whole lives.

You take it in and you laugh, you cry, you learn

what you can and you move on.

Is that the lamp from "a Christmas story"?

That is the most beautiful thing in la.

Okay, that can be your most beautiful thing.

It's so much better than

your most beautiful thing.

Oh, whatever.

What am I gonna do miles?

What am I gonna do?

Waterfall?

What did you just say?

Oh, man, I haven't done a waterfall...

I feel like we need a waterfall.

Really?

tlc taught me and start chasing me some waterfalls.

Waterfall!

oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, let me help you guys

out here with these.

Don't touch me, bro.

Sam's calling, do you wanna answer it?

Nah, fuck it.

You sure?

Yeah.

Why don't we skip anymore?

Oh, guys don't skip, guys don't skip, okay?

We freestyle walk.

Yeah, freestyle walk, check it, look at this.

Wow, bravo, bravo, yeah, I see.

Not any woman could do a sport like that,

it takes the strength, right?

Oh yeah, no, I've been working on my leg muscles

Luckily, I am not any woman.

Wait, are you gonna?

Do it at your own risk.

I can't promise you're not gonna

get seriously injured.

Alright, ready?

Oh, god.

Oh.

Toe tap?

Just the toe tap.

What, I didn't see you do it.

I didn't wanna show you anything

you couldn't handle.

Oh, anything I can't handle, right?

Back up a little bit.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh.

Oh, my nuts!

Oh, fuck you, meter!

Now, who's yelling at the parking meters?

Are you alright?

Oh, that hurt my nuts.

What is this, what is happening, this is awesome.

This is art walk, wait, the vicemayor of la

I've always wanted to come down to art walk,

I've just never made it.

This is awesome.

Oh, so you're gonna move to New York

That is the dilemma.

What's the dilemma?

Well, imagine this but everyday,

not just once a month, that is New York.

This could be everyday.

This could be everyday, it would just

take a little bit of time, you know,

but you'd be part of something.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Be the soundtrack.

You got the iPod, DJ Tanner.

Turn it up.

follow me?

Oh my gosh, hi.

What am I doing here, these are my photos.

No way, aw, these are beautiful.

to invite you out, glad you decided you wanna rock.

Yeah, I'm glad I'm here too, actually.

I'm here with miles, my oldest friend from high school.

Hey, nice to meet you, man.

Really cool work.

Yeah, thanks.

you guys want something to drink or?

Yeah, none for me, no drinking on the job.

Uh, when did you do Higby's?

When did you get so sexy?

then you disappeared.

I just wanted to get a breath of fresh air.

You ready to go?

Yeah, I'll go, I mean, I don't wanna

get in the way of whatever you guys.

Oh yeah, no, not at all.

We're gonna get coffee tomorrow.

I had no idea his stuff was so good, loved it.

Cool.

Wish we could just get on the trolley and go home.

Yeah, relax miles, I saw "Roger rabbit" too.

What is that?

Oh, that is the newish catholic church.

That's it.

Jesus, that's ugly.

I don't know, it's not that bad.

make you feel like, closer to god or something?

Yeah, I think that was the original intention

in the middle ages, yeah.

It makes me wanna closer to home depot,

did they even finish sanding it?

Be nice, I read that it's gorgeous inside.

they're basically the biggest organized crime syndicate

in the Atlantic, they're worse than fifa.

You're just shitting on the architecture

because it's a catholic church.

No, no, it's also ugly.

I thought it was peaceful in there.

I mean, I agree, the outside kind of, is weird,

but I liked it inside.

It's so ugly.

so flashy on the outside, you know?

I think that's what true religion is,

you don't have to flaunt it on the outside,

you just be beautiful on the inside.

Right, 'cause that's the catholic church's mo,

not flaunting it.

I think in this case, yeah, that's the way it is.

I wanna get something from the gift shop,

do you want a drink?

Gift shop, yep, it's a perfect example

of how the catholic church really cares about people's

inner spirituality.

Jesus, miles.

My thoughts exactly.

You're being a dick.

I'm sorry, did you wanna buy like a

four dollar bottle of water?

Do you wanna buy like a $300 chintzy cross?

Fuckin' go for it, they buy that shit on Broadway.

they buy it over there, and they bring it in here

and they mark it up.

completely insensitive and closeminded.

Since when did you become a fucking apologist

for the organization that caused more wars

than anybody else in the history of the world

and fucking protects pedophiles?

I'm not an apologist, miles.

Have you ever heard of mother Teresa?

She was catholic and she's fucking real.

Oh my god, how can you buy into the

catholic church's line of BS?

When did you become so religious?

but I respect other people who are.

beliefs and opinions, even if they're different from yours.

Yeah, but you have to be a fucking moron

to buy into their line of BS.

You know what, if your bullshit meter

is like that faulty, then, maybe you should just

start rethinking everything, 'cause I don't

70 year old white guys in Rome,

I don't think any new yorker is gonna

pay shit for your art.

Maybe you should rethink everything, miles.

but you don't know shit about yourself.

Wah, wah, wah, my fiance is cheating on me,

I hate being a teacher, I'm gonna go cry

in my mom's bed for three days.

You know what, I don't have that.

I don't have mommy's shoulder to cry on.

Do you ever hear me complaining about life ever?

No, because I'm too busy fucking taking

I take care of my mom, and then I took care of my dad

and now I'm here fucking taking care of you,

when do I ever have time to take care of myself,

and yeah, I might go to New York and I might

fucking fall on my ass,

but you know what, at least I'll know

and say, at least I'm not a giant fucking pussy

like miles, at least I fucking tried.

I didn't fucking ask for you to come today.

I didn't ask for any of this.

No, game's over.

Fuck it.

Miles.

Fuck off.

Please, can we just, go, please, together?

give me my phone.

Now you wanna talk to her?

You did not just throw my phone into the lake.

Go fish it out and see.

No, no, no, don't.

You're gonna feel like shit for that.

to feel any shittier than you're making me feel right now.

Last thing I wanted to do was burden

anybody with my problems, okay?

Remember, you came to me today,

I didn't ask for you,

I didn't ask for this day

and I'm still not asking for it.

Miles, it's me.

Look, I cheated but I didn't have sex with him,

we just got drunk in a bar and made out

with some guy, I don't even know.

It was really stupid and I was really drunk

and I'm so sorry.

I know we can work this out.

Call me back because I love you so much, bye.

There's something that I never,

I've never told anyone, but,

my mom wasn't very religious, you know?

But, at the end of the last few months

right before she died,

she started talking to a priest.

In Bolvo, she was at her weakest

from the chemotherapy and

she was in so much pain

and she was withering away before my eyes.

It's the only thing that gave her a sense of hope.

So maybe it's bullshit, miles, maybe it's bullshit,

I don't know, but,

it made her feel better about dying

and for that I will always be grateful.

I'm sorry, sorry about everything I said.

Sam wanted to get married at that church.

I said no.

Ah, well, we've bussed, we've walked,

we've subwayed all over the city,

you know one thing we haven't done?

Paddle boat, paddle boat.

How nice is this?

My dad grew up right around here.

Angelino heights.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

It's where the house from charmed is.

You watched charmed?

Ah, Angelino heights, I've got porch envy already.

2414, great porch, people would just stop by

and barbecue, drink beers, porches bring people together.

My dad grew up right around this corner,

wanna check it out?

Yeah.

Ooh, this looks like a cool party,

We don't know anybody in there.

So?

Hipsters.

Come on, it sounds like robot gangbang.

these hipsters fucking rock.

holy shit.

What?

Houston, it's Houston.

Holy shit.

Houston!

Houston!

You remember us, from the bus?

Oh, yeah, sorry I was being a dick,

I just had to take a shit.

It's all good now, yeah.

So, who do you guys know over here?

Yeah, let's party, yeah!

you, you are adorbs, oh my god,

your hair is amazing, so soft.

It smells like cotton candy, I love it.

Can we make out?

Oh my god, I'm gonna be your best friend.

talking to your friend much tonight,

It's all good, I think she needs a miles break.

I'm Sarah.

I'm miles.

I kinda got that.

Sarah is gonna show me where the drinks are,

you want one?

Yeah, get me one.

I'll be right back.

Yeah, born and raised.

Wow, I don't think I've ever

actually met someone from la?

that's actually why I was walking by.

Thanks for the beer, miles.

Becca, ah fuck, sorry.

Oh, I'll go grab you one.

Oh, thanks.

What a day.

How do you know if you actually know someone?

Um, I think you just kinda know.

Isn't it kinda like terrifying

to think that, you know, that you think

you might know someone but you really don't?

What if we come up with a test?

Is that possible?

Is that possible, how?

Uh, okay, how about this?

What color are my eyes?

Becca.

Miles, what color are my eyes?

I'm like a dude, I don't know my mom's eye color.

What, I saw you 15 years, dude, what color are my eyes?

It's a trick question.

How so?

'Cause your eyes change color with the light.

Yeah.

My god, I was worried for a second.

Maybe your eyes didn't change color with the light?

Night's like tonight make me feel happy to be alive.

Like, if we could just look out into the stars

and as the smoke clears and we see everything

that's going on.

Taco Tuesday, roll out!

Oh yeah.

What is that?

We night bike around la.

It gets kinda crazy.

I gotta couple bikes if you guys wanna join.

Yeah.

I'm dead.

Oh, my legs are like, what the hell are you doing?

All of la's light poles, all in one place, just for you.

Thank you.

I woke up this morning, I had no idea

today would be like this.

Me neither.

Honestly, I just thought we were gonna bowl

and play area 51.

Still time.

It's one.

Rain check.

Is life still on pause or do we have to hit play?

I think we have a few minutes left on pause.

I think you should go to New York,

it's dark in la.

Just do it.

Really?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

Yes!

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna swing.

What are you gonna do?

and just figure out if there's anything still there.

What about the family meeting?

No powwow, I'm calling my mom and saying

this is about me and Sam, it's nobody else's business.

Good for you.

Hey, you're probably gonna need this.

What is that?

I saw you throw that in the lake.

It was my compact.

I threw your phone in the lake.

I told you you were gonna feel like shit.

It's just a phone.

Besides, at least now you're even.

What's that supposed to mean?

she didn't have sex with that guy, they just kissed.

You checked my voicemail?

At least you have your phone.

Look, I'm not saying that you should get back together,

but, at least now you're even.

You really are something.

Well, if you're ever in New York,

you can always crash on my couch.

Couch?

Yeah, buster, couch.

What makes you think you're gonna

have room for a couch?