Original subtitles

"Beijing Joy Leader Communication Co., Ltd. and Beijing Enlight Pictures Co., Ltd."

"Beijing Joy Leader Communication Co., Ltd. and Beijing Enlight Pictures Co., Ltd."

"Executive Producers: Wang Chang Tian, Liu Rui Fang, and Wei Qi Yang"

"Producers: Liu Liu and Li Xiao Ping"

Van Gogh

uses expressive brushstrokes

to create

an explosion of color

It's poetry

It's fantasy

It's a religion

I wish I could sow a seed in the art world...

...and this painting, The Sower, is why I want to be a painter

Of course,

I dream that one day...

...me and my loved one can go to the place in the painting,

Arles in the Provence...

Open a studio,

create art together,

and bear testimony to love

Students,

don't be so narrow-minded

These are words well-spoken

Your experiences in life...

...are the foundation of your creative works

So poetic

What?

I think you're very poetic

Xu Lai, like: "Therefore I lie with her and she with me"

The next student is:

Yang Yi

That was some deep stuff

Thank you

Andy Warhol...

...created art that really challenged traditional,

commercial and consumerist art around the world

Your zipper seems to be broken

I can see your red underwear

He is the leader of pop art

Has it been open all this time?

The entire department has seen it

Which... which class are you in?

The Department of Management. I'm Cai Bo, my friends call me Spinach.

What are you doing in the Department of Oil Painting?

My dad asked me to come

He owns a clothing business,

and wants me to scout...

...for talented designers here

Have you ever heard...

...of Dadi Underwear?

What?

Brassieres

They specialize in making brassieres

and other underwear

Shhh...

So, I want to be a painter and make a change

Yang Yi, wait!

What do you like about Van Gogh?

He lived life with passion

It's not enough to just love art

True. Do you like Andy Warhol?

I don't like Andy Warhol

Don't you like his work?

I don't like his work

But I like the way he worked

What do you mean?

You wouldn't understand

But they're painters!

We'll talk when I get home

Miss Liu asked me to make a movie poster in the auditorium

Would you like to join me?

Huh?

I'm just asking you once.

Wait for me!

Oh...

Such a handsome couple!

"I can't shake the melancholy, I can't get rid of the anguish"

"Why is there only emptiness in my heart?"

"The feelings are gone, everything is gone"

"The sorrow in my heart can't be erased"

"Why do you always speak those words?"

"Why won't my heart die?"

"I realize the love is gone, everything feels wrong"

"Why, then, do I still love you?"

"Love is a burden, it's like a punishment"

"Now my heart is full of bitter tears

"I'm drunk on feelings of our old love, afraid to pursue it once more"

"My foolish heart wants to see you"

"Why does my heart think of the past every waking moment?"

"Why don't you think of it at all?"

"The bond is broken, your love is gone"

"Why, then, do I still love you?"

Dad

"The Chinese University of Hong Kong's Art Exchange Program"

"Love is a burden, it's like a punishment"

"Now my heart is full of bitter tears"

"I'm drunk on feelings of our old love, afraid to pursue it once more"

"My foolish heart wants to see you"

"The bond is broken, your love is gone"

"Why, then, do I still love you?"

"I once said"

"That I won't love you in this life"

"That we weren't meant to be"

"You were the one"

"Who was crazy in love"

"You have put"

"Your love in my heart"

"So now"

"My heart unexpectedly turned"

"That love"

"Is inexhaustible, endless"

"And now you..."

"Do not heed"

"The love in my heart"

"Can one change"

"What has gone up in smoke?"

"I still want to wait"

"As this love can't be erased"

"But you"

"Turned around"

"Breaking my heart"

"My tears rendered me speechless"

"The feelings have gone entirely"

Fellow students of the Department of Oil Painting:

Today

is the first time we're having a reunion on such a big scale...

...of our class of '94

In the past twenty years,

our class lost a painting genius

However, we gained...

...a friend to women

How many of the women...

...gathered here today...

...wear underwear designed by Xu Lai?

Isn't it true...

...that Xixi frequently wears your underwear?

"Come to my exhibition on October 17"

"in Victoria Harbor in Hong Kong."

Why didn't Yang Yi come?

She is holding her own exhibition in Hong Kong

"I've fallen for you, and will give you my all"

"Please treasure this love"

"I have never shared my secrets"

"For the first time in my life, I let my heart speak"

"Zhao Wei, Xu Zheng, and Bao Ber'er"

"Du Juan, Sam Lee, and Eric Kot Man Fai"

"Written and Produced by Xu Zheng"

"Directed by Xu Zheng"

Good morning

What are you doing?

I've told you several times already:

Don't wear such tight underwear

I bought you some big, loose-fitting ones...

...how come you're not wearing them?

When did you take off my underwear?

You did pretty well today

Your little friend got up before you did!

I want to discuss something with you

Can we do this some other time?

No, it has to be today

According to my ovulation test,

you'd better get ready to rumble!

I'm suffering from constipation

Shut up

Just do it

Let's take a deep breath together. Relax...

Breathe in...

and out...

Faster!

Get ready for lift-off!

Breathe, come on!

Lift-off in:

one... two... three... four...

Come on!

Get ready for lift-off!

- Bo Cai... - Hold it!

- Ah... - Hold it!

- Ah... Ah! - Hold it!

- Hold it - Ah!

Quick, get me a pillow

Help prop me up

How come you're so distracted?

Ugh!

You're taking advantage of me in my sleep

- This is theft! - I'm merely claiming what's mine

You may have thousands of little swimmers each second

but only once a month do I have a pearl for them to dive to!

Xu Lai, I've tried to call you but you didn't answer

Are you coming to my exhibition?

When do we meet?

In Victoria Square

I'll wait for you, Xu Lai

Don't worry

I won't start without you

Be there!

Xu Lai, Xu Lai!

Don't worry, I'll definitely be there

What is this?

Detox juice

It's good for your health

It might give you the runs, though

Didn't you say you're constipated?

Remember to take your pills

What is this?

This medicine box plays a recording

as a reminder to take your medicine

It will cure your cough

There's that saying about...

...curing winter diseases in summer

It's said that a cough in winter

comes from grievances in summer

Are you feeling aggrieved?

Help me straighten my legs

All right

We've been in Hong Kong for seven days,

tomorrow is the last day

Our Hong Kong and Macau visas will expire

Can we please not buy milk power today...

...and just be aggrieved at home?

Sister, brother-in-law,

no wonder you never got pregnant...

...you won't conceive like this!

Mind your own business!

I'm trying to help his swimmers reach their target

When did you come in?

Have you seen the movie

"Basic Instinct"?

No. We locked the door! How did you get in?

Have you read any books

on how to get pregnant?

Did you not hear my question?

Our rooms are connected...

...and the connecting door wasn't locked

You can go out the same way!

Leopard print

Brother-in-law, you look cheap!

You've been filming everything for two weeks

Do you think it's appropriate to film me dressed like this?

I never interfere with the objectivity of my subjects

That's what Paul Flaherty says

Who is Paul Flaherty?

My father

I thought Cai Youliang was your father?

Cai Youliang is my dad

So who's Paul Flaherty, then?

The "father of documentary film"

So your mother isn't Pan Tongtong, then?

Pan Tongong is my mom...

But my mother is Dizga Vertov, have you heard of her?

The "mother of documentary film"

Brother-in-law, you're so smart!

My mother said that if you want to capture a person's character,

you have to peel off the layer of conventional ethics

You've already seen the "peeled off" version of me

I filmed you in your daily life,

and I have all the interviews...

...except yours

Do you have three hours for me today?

What interview?

Regarding your true feelings about our family

Have you seen “Meet the Fockers“?

Don't act all wronged

Be more supportive of his documentary

Well, if it gets him off the streets selling pirated DVDs...

That is why you should be his coach

You should turn your seat for him

Pick me! Pick me!

I have family!

But does it have to be today?

I want to submit it to the Japan Documentary Film Festival

You want to show the documentary in public?

That's right, and in Hong Kong too

Mom

In the teahouse? We're on our way

We're stuck in traffic

Do you really have to film me change clothes?

Can't you film something a bit more romantic?

I can feel my bowels churning

- Hold it in - Huh?

Hold it in

Give it a polish

How are you this perverted and not pregnant yet?

Get out

Turn that thing off

I can't interfere with the objectivity of my filmed subject

Do you want to film me defecating as well?

I want to expose the raw realities of life

Go ahead

The quality is bad. Feel this

It's five hundred, fixed price

I'll send you the picture with the sunglasses in a bit

It looks great! Bye, thank you!

Put it down, it's not edible

Dad, mom...

I'm here

Finally!

Where are you going today?

I'm meeting a client

Don't go-

Come join me for the horse race

It will be like the TV show "Dad, where are we going?"

No,dad

I promised Lala an interview

You promised!

He interviews like Wang Feng from "The Voice of China"

he'll ask about your "dreams"

your "biggest dream"

Don't be so cynical

It'll be interesting to watch a few years from now

That's right, it will be very interesting

What will you do today?

I have a date

Does that worry you?

Why would it?

You guys got here so late today

Were you two at it again?

No

I've got to take a call

- Let's order - Hello?

Waiter!

The menu, please

Are you malfunctioning?

What do you mean, malfunctioning?

If there's something wrong, get it checked out

it's nothing to be embarrassed about

There's nothing wrong with me

So can't you,

or won't you have children with my sister?

You'd better change your eating habits

Many foods are spermicidal

If it's killed off then that's that

If it's only half dead,

she'll give birth to some freak

It's no coincidence that you two can't have kids

Really

I asked the Taoist master Yun Kai

He said it's your name

Xu Lai. It sounds like sly

Your sperm is slyly evading the target. Change it

Change it?

Into what?

Xu-perman

- Xu-perman - What are you talking about?

That's not even a name

Or just Xu-perm

Xu-per fast

Xu-percalifragilisticexpialidocious

Xu-woosh

Xu-mooch!

"Xu Lightning" would work too

"Come With Xu Wind"

"Fed-Exu"

For a fast and safe delivery

Can't we just change "Xu" instead?

Shut up, son

My name is Xu Lai

There are easy solutions to this problem

You could use a surrogate mother

The Portuguese in neighboring Macau are good-looking

They have pretty eyes and noses

But when the baby is born,

you'll find that

he has no hair on his head...

...but he'll have hair on his chest!

Hello

I couldn't wait to see you

Didn't we settle on where to meet already?

Here

Whoa!

Are you excited?

Of course! Very excited

- Get in the car - Let's go

- Don't forget to keep your cellphones on! - Have fun!

- Let's keep in touch - Yes, yes

Thank you for agreeing to this interview

Mister Xu-perman

How many questions do you have?

It won't take long

Xu Lai...

...will be there xu-per fast

You're wearing aftershave

How long have you been standing there?

You're getting all dolled up!

I didn't expect you to take my interview this seriously

Where do I sit?

Sit here

Okay, let's start

Interview with my brother-in-law

One take

Hurry up!

Action!

Your face looks too dark...

Cut!

I'll adjust the lighting

Can you hurry up?

Yeah yeah, I'm on it

A documentary...

...needs to be filmed right

Can you turn down the light a little? It's too bright

Okay

Take two: Action!

My questions could expose the inner you

But I'd like you to answer them truthfully

Look over here

Go ahead

Please state your sex

Male

Tell me...

Who was your first?

Can I not answer that?

Okay, who was your second?

Have you ever cheated on anyone?

What kind of questions are these?

These are matters that interest me personally

The first three questions don't count. Please sit

Let's start over

Tell me...

What's your dream?

I don't have any

How can a man not have dreams?

My dream used to be to become a painter

Now... it's to be good at my job

Which is making brassieres!

You're our family's backbone,

you're a senior member of our family

Are you satisfied with your life?

I'm very satisfied

Why have you and my sister not had children yet?

Do you have psychological issues?

I don't have psychological issues

Physiological problems then?

I don't have any physiological problems either

Why are you bald then?

I'm just at that age

How come other men your age still have hair?

How should I know?

Do you come prematurely?

What the hell is this?

Why are you so agitated?

I'm not agitated

You're agitated

I am not agitated

Well then, sit down and we'll continue

Please sit down

Look over here

Why are you premature?

What?

I told you: I'm not premature!

My bad. So why are you going bald?

I already answered that question

See, you're obviously agitated

And I've already exposed the inner you

I am not agitated

And you didn't expose the inner me

Okay, you're not agitated

But you are anxious

Do you have any other questions?

Are you premature?

What's so funny?

I just remembered that name:

"Xu-mooch!"

"Therefore I smooch with her and she with me"

Let me reply to a message from your sister

We're not done yet

Xu-perman, come back here

I believe...

...that my sister and my brother-in-law can't make a baby...

...because my brother-in-law is...

...anxious...

...agitated...

These are psychological issues

I've exposed his inner self

and now

I'll expose the truth

Brother-in-law?

Ma'am, do you have a list of people on the 19th floor?

- Okay, wait a moment - Thank you

Mister Xu

Will you be checking out of Room 1988 tomorrow?

Yes

Sir

Can we talk to you for a minute?

West Kowloon homicide squad

Your room's on the 19th floor?

Yes

What are you doing in Hong Kong?

I'm here as a tourist

There's been a homicide

Someone fell from the building opposite us

We're looking for eyewitnesses

- I didn't see anything - Sorry

His Chinese isn't that good

Have you seen anything unusual?

No

Have you seen any suspicious individuals?

There's a very suspicious guy on the 19th floor

He just came out of the elevator

Hello sir, these are Edaxiang Condoms

Hello, sir

West Kowloon homicide squad

Here's my card

What?

Edaxiang with the elephant logo: made for your trunk!

I'll speak your language then:

What's yer name, bro?

Cai Lala

When you're in the heat of the moment,

these can conveniently

be popped open

with one hand!

Someone fell from the top of the opposite building

We're looking for eyewitnesses

They can be opened with one hand

They're very sturdy

Have you seen

any suspicious individuals?

Did that bald guy tell you to stop me?

You know each other?

Take one

Is that a condom?

They're free!

What are you talking about?

He snuck out on me and took a condom!

Excuse me

I need to catch a plane

He took a condom and snuck out on me...

I'll contact you later!

I didn't realize they're a couple

I have a plane to catch!

Coming through

Hurry up!

To Victoria Harbor. Hurry!

Wait!

Brother-in-law!

Stop!

Hold on!

Brother-in-law!

Miss

Are those men sharing a room?

Let me check for you

Thank you

We waited twenty years already...

What's another twenty minutes?

Hello? Get over here, fast!

I'm sorry

What's wrong now?

Another roadblock

They're shooting a movie

CGI has gotten so advanced...

...yet they still need to block the road

Alternative route found

How long are you going to pant for?

How could you treat me this way?

What Way?

Why did you take a condom?

Lovebirds...

Calm down

Keep the change

You haven't answered my question

What question?

Why did you suddenly leave?

I have to see a client

A female client, that's why you took the condom

They gave it to me

I'm starting to see that you're an interesting character

There are many little secrets buried deep inside you

You didn't answer my question!

What question?

Why did you suddenly leave the interview?

I'm meeting a client, what about it?

A female client, right?

That's why you took a condom!

They gave it to me!

I discovered you're very interesting!

There are many little secrets buried deep inside you

Hey... we've...

We've gone over this already

Your father, Flaherty, did he tell you

to shut up when you're filming?

Krakoff said that

And who's that? Your "uncle"?

"Gangsters vs Ironheads"

Hey!

You two smoking, scram!

How are we supposed to shoot with you in the shot?

Is that Wang Jing?

Yes

Is it the real Wang Jing?

Of course it's the real Wang Jing

They're shooting a movie

I think you should film this

Will they let me film?

You really should capture this

It's a once in a lifetime opportunity

I don't think it's appropriate

You'll win an Oscar if you film this

Quick! Get closer!

Get closer!

Won't we get in trouble?

In a moment the camera will film the gangsters

This camera will shoot the Ironheads

We have to hurry! We're running out of time!

If we don't finish today no one is getting paid!

That's right. Director...

Mr. Jing, we could film it like this...

Get out, get out!

Brother-in-law...

Look at this prop

Look...

It's really well-made

Look at this

What is this?

Hey!

What are you doing loitering about?

Are you going to work or not?

Hurry up, everybody is waiting for you!

Hurry up!

They think you're an actor!

Help me take this off, you hear me?

Hey! Are you two wasting my time here?

Are you waiting until the cops get here?

Okay Wang Jing, we're coming

Move!

Wang Jing just talked to us

Have you lost your mind?

Don't you see? Just play along, it's a rare opportunity

I don't give a rat's ass!

Brother-in-law, I beg you

You said that my documentary would win awards if I film this!

It's making you lose your head instead

If you don't play along,

I'll tell my sister you took the condom

Are you threatening me?

Just let me film one shot,

and I won't follow you anymore

Hey!

Change into your costume!

Okay

Everyone, listen up

After the cameras start rolling,

the gangsters will be over here

After that,

I'll call a group of Ironheads,

and that group will come out

When they've come out, the two groups start to fight

During the fight, our explosion man will press a button

which will make the iron heads explode

But there won't be any sound

There will be some smoke and that's it

Got it?

There's no reason to be afraid

What the hell...

What are we waiting for? It's almost dark

- Yes, Mr. Jing - Get a move on!

Hurry, Wang Jing is about to explode

Everyone back in position!

Sir, what are you doing?

Don't talk to me!

I'm actually a director as well

I'm shooting a documentary

Scram!

All right, all right

Ready?

Stop messing around!

Can you not be so nervous?

Can you not be such a pain in the ass?

Can you guys shut up?

Scene 42A, take one

Action!

Shouldn't we go up there?

The cameras are rolling

We should go up

Our scene has already started

Stop bothering me!

All the extras are in the scene

Get out of the way!

Damn you!

What the hell?

Explosion department?

Explosion master!

Coming, coming!

Hurry up, it's bad!

Hurry, over here!

He's bleeding

It's all right people, don't panic!

It's just fake blood

I didn't ask you to blow them up!

No, director...

All these things are imported from Hollywood

Hollywood my ass!

Director, what's the matter?

These props are terrible, they're exploding spontaneously

What are you doing?

Helping you break open the helmet

Break open the helmet?

Right, break open the helmet

You'll blow up my head!

It won't necessarily explode at the same time as you

I can't have this face get messed up today

Not a single hair can be out of place

You don't have any hair

Give it to me

Let's try it

Quick, give it here

You've tried everything.

Nothing's working

Just try it

Hand it over

Here-

Give it to me

It's dangerous, don't touch it

- Give it here - Don't touch it

Don't worry, it's safe

What the hell is this crap?

You're committing a crime!

Mr. Jing, the police are coming!

Let's go back and change the script

- Hello? - Xu Lai, where are you?

I'm about to start, everyone's here

Hurry up!

Sorry, there have been some complications

Hold on a bit longer. Sorry!

Is this your female client?

- So? - So you took a condom

They gave it to me!

There are many little secrets buried deep inside you!

You've told me this already

Are you going on a booty call?

I'm going to the mall

Does anyone meet for a booty call in a mall?

So what will you do now?

We're done talking, don't follow me!

Stay far away from me!

Someone open this helmet!

I need this opened!

"No matter if you fail or succeed, you must strive"

"If you have ambition, it's never too late"

"Regardless of who you are or what you do"

"Success depends on true skill"

"To become a real man"

"One must suffer; we all die eventually"

"This much is certain"

"Perhaps a hero is a maniac"

"And a warrior at the same time"

"Who is willing to hew out a path for himself"

"Build his own story with his own two hands"

"Doesn't hesitate to face success as well as failure"

"Use an honest heart and true intentions"

"To pursue his goals, with a fighting spirit"

"Only then, life has"

"True meaning"

"Only then can you turn your luck around"

What's wrong?

The laxatives your sister gave me are starting to kick in

Do you want to fix the head or the stomach situation first?

Look: the Unlock King!

Hi kiddo

He's not here, he went out to open someone's lock

Where did your dad go?

Up there. Building 21, Floor 2B

Pervert

What?

He called you a pervert

He called you a pervert!

Leave me alone!

Brother-in-law...

I'm sorry

I hope you will remember...

...that I'm wearing this iron helmet...

...for the sake of your dream

- I won't forget - Don't interrupt me

- But... - Stop talking

- You... - Shut up!

Don't treat me like family,

and maybe we can still be friends

Keep quiet for a minute,

because you and I will remember this minute

Maybe...

We can be one-minute friends

Did you fart?

Do you have tissues?

What do we have here?

Darth Vader or something?

Don't move

Damn you!

So many handcuffs here...

...yet you had to bring your own and forget the keys

You like handcuffs so much? Go home and cuff your mom!

Well, if business is slow

we have to work together

- Sir - Wow

Robocop!

Did you come to fight Chibi Maruko?

I came to get this helmet opened

Can you open it?

I've opened the safe of the richest person in Hong Kong,

this should be nothing

I have something urgent, can you open this helmet first?

Yet you had time to engage in a little S&M?

Go wait outside

- Sorry - Someone's in here

Can't you see someone's in here? Wait your turn!

Do you really...

You're filming? Do you have a death wish?

Can we leave now?

No, I need to use the bathroom

The bathroom?

There's a bathroom inside

- Hurry up, I'll be downstairs - Okay

Hey!

You opened the door...

...you have to pay for watching the show

That's 90,000

This isn't what I'd call sexy!

This is from the anime "Sailor Moon"

I'm Chibi Maruko, from the cartoon.

Everything about her is big

So big breasts only come in big packages?

What cup size would you prefer?

I want a pretty face and a smoking body

Sakanamon! (lyrics from "Sailor Moon")

Remember to take your pills!

What are you doing?

Hey!

What are you doing?

I...

I'm a director

I'm working on an artistic production

What are you filming?

I'm making a documentary

I'm a director

I really am a director!

Can you guys calm down and listen to me?

Dad!

Sorry

Sorry!

Sorry

It's not my fault!

Boss, what should we do?

Chop him into pieces!

Brother-in-law, run!

Stop!

Oh my God!

What the...

Hey! What are you doing?

Oh no...

Stop!

Call the police!

Come on, go!

- Come back! We won't hurt you - Anybody here?

Don't go!

Stop running!

Come back!

My face can't get messed up

Let's talk about it!

Yes, I have something to report

I'm being chased by a lot of people,

a bunch of gangsters...

Get over here, quick!

Sir...

He just called

What's wrong?

He's at the Paradise Mansions

The Paradise Mansions?

The local and Mexican gangsters

are all after him

Hello!

Sorry, excuse me

Here!

Don't go!

Hurry up!

Excuse me!

Stop!

Coming through...

Brother-in-law...

Lala, what are you doing?

I can't hold on any longer, give me a hand!

Hurry!

Quick, push me up!

Brother-in-law...

I'm not dead!

Brother-in-law!

The camera!

The camera!

Where is he?

Hey, stop!

If I catch you, you're dead!

Brother-in-law,

give me the camera

Take your stupid camera

Thank you so much, brother-in-law!

Please stay away from me

But... We're one-minute friends!

The minute's up!

Don't follow me!

Are you on duty?

No weirdos allowed in my car

Get out!

That has nothing to do with me

It was that Robocop, he hit him!

There is another guy,

dressed like a gangster

Actually, he's a paparazzo

He secretly films stuff

We can't have him

scaring off customers

Okay, okay

Give me some time, my colleague will help you settle this

Why do you keep scratching?

All journalists can ask Yang Yi questions shortly

Thank you

Dear guests,

Yang Yi's solo exhibition,

"Impressions,"

is hereby extended to an open-ended run!

Please welcome: Yang Yi!

Hello, Yang Yi

Hello Dan

Why did you choose "The Sower" as the inspiration for your work?

What meaning does it hold for you?

When I see this painting,

it reminds me of my student life

It's about youth,

about reminiscence,

There is something in it that is...

pure and simple

This is something we need to cherish

What will your next series be about?

My next series will still be about

people crossing paths

As for the specifics...

I will have to keep you all in suspense

We can't wait!

Yang Yi,

I can't begin to tell you what happened today...

I'm thinking that maybe...

...it wasn't meant to be

It's fate,

that we should never meet again

I don't want our feelings

to expire like those canned pineapples in "Chungking Express"

I will safeguard those wonderful longings

You shouldn't

look me up ever again

See you, then

Although I won't see you again

Let me tell you something...

We may have never finished that kiss,

but...

I don't regret anything

We've shared that kiss so many times...

in my dreams

Is the man in the painting the man of your dreams?

I never said the woman in the painting was me

Hello, sir?

Can you do me a favor?

Do you want me to fly it steady,

or should I make some loops?

I could make a show of it!

Steady is fine. Thanks

What are you doing here?

Look who I brought-

The Unlock King!

Payment up front

What's family for?

This is what family is for!

Hurry, lower it down

Quick, fly it down

Fly it back

Turn back

Don't touch that part, use this

Make it come back

It's okay

Got it?

Don't worry

Something wrong?

It's fine

What's going on?

What are you doing?

Why are you climbing up there?

Get down, it's dangerous!

Fly it there!

So that's why you wanted to catch that plane...

Give me the drawing tube

The woman downstairs is your client

She's the reason you took the condom

She was my first love

We didn't do anything

I won't let you talk about her like that!

So this is your little secret

I finally see why my sister never got pregnant

I'm telling my sister about your little affair

If you tell her,

I'll strangle you!

You're a player!

Damn you!

My father used to be even bigger than me

Now look what's left of him!

I'm sorry for your loss

Sir, it's Lala

Where are you guys?

Stop playing games

I'm in Victoria Harbor

I recorded everything,

the killer is my brother-in-law

He's an adulterer

Sir,

what's he saying?

"The murderer is an adulterer

He is my brother-in-law"

Don't run off, stay where you are

I heard that you struggled

to get the color right,

is that true?

The color of this painting needs to be highly saturated

What's scheduled after the opening?

There will be a press conference at the Intercontinental later on

Keep dreaming!

Hi

Hello

Who are you?

Are you looking for me?

Hey

Can you hear me?

What's the matter?

Get out of the way!

Out of the way!

Open this helmet for me!

You going on a date?

Give me the remote control!

Your head will explode!

Okay, I confess!

Shame on you!

Give me the camera!

My camera!

Are you from mainland China?

Yes

Traveling?

Yes

Why are you wearing this?

I'm not telling you!

The next floor is the overhead passage

There!

Remember to take your pills!

Is this how mainlanders

smuggle milk powder out nowadays?

Don't go!

That girl sent you a message

If you go, I'll throw away your phone

"Xu Lai,"

"I knew you were here"

"I'm going to the Intercontinental"

"You can find me in Room 2046"

Hah!

And you claim this isn't a booty call?

I'll definitely come

Please wait for me! Please...

Right in front of me!

Yes

That's right

I'm a very tolerant person,

but I've reached my limit!

Give me my camera!

Give it to me!

Let go!

Hand it over!

Let him go!

Don't move!

Give me the camera!

You maniac!

You're crazy!

Here, the key

I can't open it,

he will die if I do

My hand!

Stop wriggling!

What are you trying to do?

Idiot!

You think you're Bruce Lee?

Damn it!

These two think they're Jackie Chan

You go after them. I'll wait for you at the Intercontinental

Careful!

They're maniacs!

You fool, do you want to die?

How dare you throw away my camera!

This is my documentary, my dream!

Your dream... What about my dream?

Your dream is to get jiggy with the person in Room 2046

I'll record everything

- Go ahead! - Okay

- Go ahead! - I will

Bring your mother, father,

Flaherty and everyone along!

I'm hitting record. I'm filming!

I'll tell you everything

Her name is Yang Yi

She was my classmate at university,

and my first love

We read poetry together,

painted together,

watched movies together,

laughed and cried together

We spent our youth together

Not once...

did we manage to kiss each other

Disaster struck every time we were about to touch

I have waited 20 years for this

Not to prove myself,

but to convince myself...

that once...

I was actually young!

Brother-in-law...

I... forgive you, okay?

Give me your hand!

Let go of the umbrella!

Take my hand!

I have my hands full, you idiot!

Give me your hand on the count of three

Come on. One... two...

You're even more stupid than I thought!

Can't you just get him to stop the bus?

Move over

Stop the bus!

Stop the bus!

Stop the bus!

Someone about to fall off!

Xu Lai!

Are you still going?

No

You should go

I'll let you

I'm not going anymore

I will die on the way

As long as there's no frolicking, I won't stop you

It's not you stopping me...

It's fate stopping me

Hello?

We're together

What...?

My sister was in a car accident!

Do you know

why they call me Lala?

When I was small, I'd skip class to go to the movies

Every time, my sister would write an absentee note for me

Every time she'd say I had an anal fistula

And when my classmates started calling me "Fistula" and "Lala,"

she stood up for me

When I said I wanted to be a director, she bought me this camera

She's like that with everyone

What do you think?

I can't interfere with the objectivity of my subject

Just speak your mind

Where are you?

My sister's been in an accident

We're on our way to the hospital

Which hospital?

Ming Xin De Ji Hospital

What about my Spinach?

How is she?

Surprise!

Surprise!

We surprised him, all right!

Look at his face!

Say cheese!

Doctor Chen Zhihe is a fertility expert

He's only in Hong Kong twice a year

Even superstars can't get an appointment with him

I made the appointment 3 months ago

It got confirmed today!

It's fate!

Don't just stand there, we've been waiting for you

The doctor is ready for you

Hurry!

This will work!

- It will work - Relax

Mr. Xu,

I'm Chen Zhihe. Please come in

You look a bit nervous

I'm not nervous

Then we're fine

Lie down here, please

What?

Lie down

No need to take off your pants

Just lie down

Doctor, I'm not sick

I'm not here to cure some illness,

I'm here to help you reconnect with yourself

What does that mean? Am I getting a massage?

It's better than a massage

80% of all men suffer from impotence

Reproduction malfunction

is caused by psychological issues

So you have to learn to open yourself up

Now, let me help you open up

You have to remember...

to keep an open mind

Is everyone here?

Yes

All right. When the patient extracts his own specimen,

anxiety can raise his body temperature.

It's as if the sperm has a fever

So the sperm is...

unhappy!

That's right

However, a method based on Chinese acupuncture,

"Acupunctural Ejaculation,"

helps us resolve this issue

Press down here

Okay...

First,

five 50 mm needles, to be injected

into his groin area

Then, I press down here,

and insert six 50 mm needles, three on each side

- Don't! - Insert!

The last two:

100 mm needles; the longest ones

Okay. I will insert here

and push down here

Before inserting, please make sure

this position is maintained

I will keep pressing here,

If I don't press here...

...his manhood will explode

Look here

I'm going to insert

Inserting!

What's happening?

Are these cries of excitement or pain?

I don't know

He's coming out

How do you feel?

How are you feeling?

Was it good?

Mom

I can understand

that you want your daughter to have grandchildren

But maybe it's a bit much to ask

if it "was good"?

What do you mean?

Didn't you want to capture

how I feel about this family?

I'll tell you my thoughts

You concern yourself with my little tadpoles,

invade my life,

my privacy!

What are you talking about?

We've done all this for you!

Exactly

That's the worst part

We tend to hold others hostage out of love

Out of love...

you've turned me into a contractor for this family

Do you think I enjoy designing bras all day?

A breast popping out of a bra here...

...a cup not properly filled there...

One part is too big,

another part is too small!

If it weren't for this, what would you be doing?

Right!

You gave me everything

So I have to be of service to you

But do you really think I enjoy making bras? Well?

Did you think I'd feel fulfilled,

wrapping up meat like a butcher?

I wanted to be a painter!

Dad, why are you leaving?

Didn't you dream of becoming a pilot?

"I dream of D-cups, while my life"

"has become the terminal"

Were those not your words?

Why do you make me live the same tragedy?

You're crossing the line!

Yes

You women make it your job to

destroy a man's dream

You should be more consistent in your "job":

You are making this loser

believe he can be a great artist!

Bo Cai has made the greatest contribution of all to this family

How come you let Cai Xin profit from her sister's labor?

Xu Lai...

You've said enough

This is too much!

How come this family doesn't work,

and reaps what others have sown?

Help me understand something...

You make a lot of money selling bags online,

yet every time you go to a hotel,

you still take all these shampoo bottles and slippers

I put up the money for the house

I put up the money for the tutor

I paid for that boob job in Korea

And you still put the porn you watch

on my tab!

I knew they were fake!

Oh, you!

Me? What about you?

I've been squeezing silicon for 5 months!

I got those out of love!

It's still silicon

She's gotten her ass done, too

What?

Damn you!

The most annoying thing of all...

...are all the pictures you post

trips, food,

spiritual stuff,

selfies of you basking in happiness,

when I'm making long days working my ass off,

after which you expect me to "like" your posts!

Why don't you ever like anything I do?

Wiping your boogers on your grandmother's food

is truly likeable!

It's absurd!

And another thing:

In this life my name is Xu Lai, period

I hate Xu Lai

As in: "Therefore I lie with her and she with me"!

So... you never believed I could

make a documentary?

That's right

And your encouragement was fake, as well?

Yes

Your dream is nothing but a joke

I envy you...

I envy you because even though you have no talent, you still run amok

I've wanted to say this for a long time-

Stop trying to be a director, it's pathetic

Stop trying to be a director, it's pathetic

So how do you feel about my sister?

I feel sorry for her

There's a knot in my heart

that makes my sperm unwilling

I thought that...

...our family was full of love...

...but I see I was wrong!

Just go

This will be the last shot

"On the path of life"

"A dream is like a long road"

"The snow that covers it"

"May freeze your limbs"

"In this world"

"A dream has many directions"

"Find your love in a fantasy"

"The road is endless and unknown"

What have you guys been up to today?

Why is Xu Lai so bitter?

You've been filming! What did you film?

Let me see

We were shooting a movie

He played an asshole

He doesn't need to act,

- he is an asshole - That's right!

How can any of us ever be nice to him again?

He's a real douchebag

I'm here!

I'm here!

What about Xu Lai?

Where is Xu Lai?

Where is Xu Lai?

Is he still in there?

- Let me go in and see him - Oh, no no no!

They're finished, he'll come out soon

Yes, he's just pulling up his pants

Film me!

Film me!

Xu Lai,

I've got a big present for you

Remember last year, we went to the south of France

Do you remember Nikola?

At his farm

you saw a warehouse

in a field of lavender,

and you said you dreamed of making it into a studio

Well... I bought it.

For you!

Are you happy?

You don't seem excited...

It's not that...

What is it?

I... I forgot to turn it on

We'll have to do it again

What...?

Lala?

Where are you going, Lala?

- Lala? - I'm going to find my brother-in-law

I'll bring him back

- Keep her here - Huh?

We've got a big enough mess on our hands as it is

I trust you'll delete any sensitive material

You're here, excellent

Take me to the Intercontinental

Are you thinking I'm a cab driver?

You're going to the police station with me

What about Xu Lai?

He's at the Intercontinental

I filmed something important

I'm bringing him back

Hurry!

Lala, don't tell him anything

Delete everything on your camera

- Got it - Whatever you do, don't let your sister see it

Who are you looking for?

Yang Yi

We were classmates

Right. Come in

Take a seat. I'll tell her you're here

Thank you

Xu Lai?

What happened to your face?

It's nothing

Finally, seeing each other...

I'm glad

that's right!

Have you gained weight?

Yeah, a lot

- Sit down - Right

What happened to your hair?

It's all gone

But... that works, too

Was that you in Victoria Square?

Yes

No

It's a long story

Did you get the poster I sent you?

I did

I was touched

When I saw you'd added a person to "The Sower,"

I was moved as well

I remember you once said

this was your favorite Van Gogh painting

Isn't it?

It is

How have you been?

Are you well?

Very well

You?

Same old,

always painting

Are you married?

No

I travelled a lot

I started in Europe,

I trained with my mentor for five years-

After that, I learned how to sail

and then to make music

I lived in Tibet for three years

I just came back from India

I shouldn't smoke

What's that?

This...

is part of my new series

You've been an artist all this time

Do you still paint?

No. I make underwear

What?

I design brassieres

I'm an expert

I can tell the cup size

of any woman standing in front of me

Seriously?

Yes

I've been doing this for more than ten years

So...

you'll never paint again?

No. I've sold all my palettes

I see

Well...

you were a mediocre painter anyway

Do you remember...

...that big dog in the canteen?

Would you like to kiss once more?

What?

What, "what"?

You were saying?

I didn't say anything

No, I...

I was talking about the big dog

What I meant was... we never managed...

...to actually do it

Do you mean right now?

Do what, now?

Sorry for interrupting...

Do you have a minute for the gallery owners?

Okay

I'm sorry...

I'll have to go out for a sec

No problem

Are you aware...

...that you smell like durian?

Would you like to go upstairs and take a shower?

Just take a shower,

I'll be right back

...I really was that young once!

What the hell are you doing?

Deleting some footage

What footage?

A domestic dispute

I don't have a dream

Give me that camera

No.56

Her next series...

Have you seen "A Better Tomorrow"?

What?

There's a classic Chow Yun-fat quote in there

Huh?

"I swear..."

"in this life, I will not let anyone..."

point a gun..."

at my head!"

Ready?

Action!

Sorry!

Sorry

I got rid of them as fast as I could

Everything okay?

Would you like something to drink?

I saw your next series

So?

What number am I?

No, those are just people whose paths crossed mine,

they were never my boyfriends

You misunderstood

Do you know what I had to go through to get here?

Do you know how long I've waited for this day?

We haven't seen each other in such a long time...

...do you really want to pick a fight?

I'm sorry

Xu Lai...

Don't be like this,

it makes me sad

You're already here, aren't you?

Sorry

You've got a press conference in a minute

I'm sorry

Huh?

- Are you all right? - It's okay.

I can't kiss you

Are you okay?

I'm fine

Does it hurt?

Sorry, I can't kiss you

What's the matter?

Why is it like this?

Like what?

I can't seem to be able to kiss you

Do you not want to kiss me?

I don't want to kiss you

Do you want to kiss me?

Do you want to kiss me?

I don't want to kiss you

How come?

I guess...

...it shouldn't be like that between us

It shouldn't

Actually...

You don't really want to kiss me either

You just want to finish that unfinished kiss of ours

Why else...

...would you suddenly stop...

...when we were inches away from each other?

What were you thinking about?

I could only think of Spinach

Huh?

Spinach is all I could think about

Are you hungry, Mister Popeye?

I'm not hungry

Spinach, Bo Cai, is my wife

Well, I think that shows...

...you love your wife very much

Actually, I really do love her

Then...

...what about you and me?

I think...

we should leave it like this

Xu Lai,

it's time we said goodbye to the past

Are you feeling better?

Much better

Thank you

Wait a second-

What should we do?

What should we tell Bo Cai?

Tell her?

Nobody can tell her anything!

We'll just let Bo Cai take her test

We've already extracted the husband's sperm,

what about the wife?

She's here!

What's wrong?

Move over there!

It's just a date!

Can everyone just leave me alone?

Shut up

Don't think I'm just some rookie

A rookie cop is still a cop

You look at Clark Kent...

...and only see a journalist

Finally, I get to say this:

You have the right to remain silent...

Lala!

They're dirty cops!

Play back the footage

See for yourself

Are you done? I've been standing here for ages

Yes

Cai Bo?

Do you know her?

So that's why you were talking about spinach

Wasn't she from our year's Department of Management?

That year, Hong Kong Chinese University accepted two people

She was the other one

I never knew why she gave up her place...

...but now I see you two got married

Xu Lai,

Remember when we went to the French countryside?

At Nikola's farm

we walked through a field of lavender,

and you said you dreamed of turning

the warehouse into your studio

So...

I bought it!

Are you happy?

I'm happy

Are you happy, too?

Let's do one more take

Remember to take your pills!

Remember to take your pills!

Don't move!

- Hello? - Let's call the police!

We can't

Xu Lai,

that cop says he has Bo Cai!

Hello?

Where is my wife?

Where are you?

- Bo Cai! - Sister!

Xu Lai!

Xu Lai, help me!

Give me the camera

Let her go first!

You don't get to make demands here

We have a hostage of our own!

A life for a life!

Do you think we operate together?

How can rookies like him

understand what it's like to work hard your entire life

and still not afford to buy a house?

Pushing someone off some building...

...makes more money than in twenty years of hard work

Give me the gun!

Give me the camera

Don't!

Bo Cai!

Sister!

Here

Now, let them go!

Don't move!

I finally know where you went

You're very pretty

I might as well be dead!

No no, nothing happened between us

You two even speak at the same time...

Bo Cai, give me your hand

I'm afraid to move!

You, get up there too!

I gave you the camera!

You expect me to believe you don't have a copy?

I don't

Get up there

There are too many people on there!

Get up there

Hey,

tomorrow

people will read in the papers...

...about how a cop colluded with the underworld...

...and planned to kill witnesses

He didn't know everything was captured on film,

so he had to kill everyone

In the end, I shot him

I never imagined that I'd get

a medal before my retirement

Could you speak Mandarin, please?

Sure:

Go to hell!

Sister!

Bo Cai, pull yourself up!

Sister!

Hurry!

Lala!

You get up first, on the count of three

Okay

Yang Yi,

you move over there

One...

...two...

...three!

Come on!

Both of you! Get close to me!

You love her, don't you?

I can let go

No no,

It's not what you think!

I tried today...

What?

You tried?

No no, I didn't try all the way!

So you tried halfway?

No, it wasn't like that!

Let me explain-

It was like having a fishbone stuck in your throat

Excuse me?

The fishbone of youth

This wonderful fishbone

If that bone is so pretty and wonderful,

don't take it out,

just leave it in as a calcium supplement

It doesn't need to be taken out,

I swallowed it

What?

It's out of my system

I realized that unfulfilled wishes

have a tremendous power...

...almost magical...

...and they've led me to this point, one step at a time

Your wish was fulfilled today?

It doesn't need to be fulfilled

I understand now...

...that I have to learn to accept my losses

We should be like we are now, right?

Right!

Like this is best

Lala is right:

You need to be objective

Flaherty said that!

Can you guys discuss this up here?

I've always known...

...you've never forgotten her

You guys can move closer to one another,

I just need to step back a little

No, Bo Cai, don't move!

I wasn't happy with my life

I've always thought you were holding me back...

...but today I found out

that you bought me a study

I didn't buy you a study

Sorry, I meant:

Studio

However, I don't think I can become an artist

You paint like crap

I like his paintings!

That's right! I'm only an artist in your eyes

To hell with art, I only want you!

Can you guys discuss this up here?

Bo Cai!

Give me your hand

Help her first

No, he should help you first

You have to choose one of us

Xu Lai, have you decided yet?

Yang Yi, stand up

What are you doing?

Xu Lai...

Yang Yi, get up

How could you...?

Bo Cai!

If this thing falls down,

I want us to die together

Stand up

Slowly

This has been bugging me all day...

But it hasn't been in vain

One more step

Careful!

What are you doing!

Bo Cai!

Listen to me,

on the count of three...

...you get up first

No! I don't want to leave you!

- Trust me - I want to be with you

Bo Cai, trust me

Bo Cai, listen to me

Look into my eyes and walk backward

I promise I'll get up too

If I'm lying,

may the glass crack right now!

You're lying!

I wasn't lying!

Bo Cai, I wasn't lying

Do you trust me?

I trust you.

I always have, and I always will

Look into my eyes...

Slowly walk backward

Come on

Bo Cai, look at me

Look at me

Take one step back

One more step

You have the right to remain silent...

Everything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law

Hello, sir? I need help here

Xu Lai!

Bo Cai!

Bo Cai!

Xu Lai

Is there anything else you want to tell me?

Once, true love was right in front of me...

but I took it for granted

This is going to take forever!

My swimmers have always found their way home...

...I just didn't know it yet

"I hope you didn't shed a tear in the dark over me again"

"I don't want to leave"

"Your heart with emptiness"

"I hope you won't put that big a guilt trip on me again"

"My heart is still as water"

"You don't need to be passionate"

"You know I don't want to go"

"Something stands between us"

You've made such a big sacrifice

when you gave up your study for me

Don't you regret it?

I don't

It was my choice

I also wanted to go to Arles,

but now, it feels like I'm already there

At their closest moment,

the distance between them was less than a centimeter

But they had no idea,

that that morning...

...they conceived their child

After spending twelve hours in Hong Kong,

they fell in love with each other all over again

Director Cai Lala's directorial debut,

was supposed to be a regular documentary

Everything all right?

I want to tell you something

What is it?

Zip up your pants

but the plot is so theatrical and complex

that the judges unanimously decided

it should be nominated in the Feature Film category...

Let's take a selfie

Okay

Stop talking for a moment!

This year's Best New Director is:

Cai Lala!