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1
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,835
Where's my suitcase?
2
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,382
Miss. Young lady!
3
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,384
Excuse me. Girls!
4
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,262
Hey, little fella. Hey!
5
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:37,764
Excuse me, girls. Girls!
6
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:39,474
Hey, big fella!
7
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,852
Help me make the beds
in the living room.
8
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,145
Come on down here!
9
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,189
Hey, son!
10
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:49,276
Big fella.
Hey, little guy! Little guy!
11
00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:53,238
Pete's brother
and his family are here.
12
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:54,948
Trish is going to Montreal.
13
00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:57,659
Montreal? Oh, her family's there.
14
00:01:57,868 --> 00:01:59,286
- Then we're off.
- When?
15
00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,538
- Tomorrow.
- You're not ready, are you?
16
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,666
Uncle Frank won't let me
watch the movie...
17
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,168
...but the big kids can.
18
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:07,544
Why can't I?
19
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:08,879
I'm on the phone.
20
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,882
When do you come back?
Not till then?
21
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:14,718
It's not even rated R.
He's just being a jerk.
22
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,263
Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no...
23
00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:20,098
...then it must be really bad.
24
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:23,310
No, we put the dog in the kennel...
Hey, get off!
25
00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:24,686
Kevin, out of the room.
26
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:27,064
Hang up the phone and make me,
why don't you?
27
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,315
This kid.
28
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:30,859
Did you pick up
a voltage adaptor thing?
29
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:32,528
No, I didn't have time.
30
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:35,405
- Then how do I shave in France?
- Grow a goatee.
31
00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:37,658
Dad, nobody'll let me do anything.
32
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:41,954
I've got something, pick up those
MicroMachines that are all over.
33
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,081
Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck.
34
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:46,500
He was playing
with the glue gun again.
35
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:47,918
We talked about that.
36
00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:51,046
Did I burn down the joint?
I don't think so.
37
00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,090
I made ornaments out of fish hooks.
38
00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:57,010
- My new fish hooks?
- I can't make them out of old ones...
39
00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:59,513
...with dry worm guts stuck on them.
40
00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:03,267
- Peter.
- Come on, Kevin. Out.
41
00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,644
Do you guys have a voltage adaptor?
42
00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,229
Here's a voltage adapter!
43
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:10,899
God, you're getting heavy!
Go pack your suitcase.
44
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,987
Pack my suitcase?
45
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,614
- Where's the shampoo?
- I don't live here.
46
00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:19,908
This many people here and no shampoo.
47
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:22,077
- Are your folks home?
- They don't live here.
48
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:24,788
- Tracy, did you order the pizza?
- Buzz did.
49
00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,915
Excuse me. Are your parents here?
50
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,625
My parents live in Paris.
51
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:29,835
- Hi!
- Hi!
52
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,420
- Are your parents home?
- Yeah.
53
00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:33,422
- Do they live here?
- No.
54
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,967
Why should they?
All kids, no parents.
55
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:38,468
Probably a fancy orphanage.
56
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:42,431
I don't know how to pack a suitcase.
I've never done it once.
57
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,725
- Tough.
- That's what Megan said.
58
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,059
What did I say?
59
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:47,269
You told him "Tough."
60
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:50,772
The dope was whining about a suitcase.
What was I supposed to say?
61
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:52,649
"Congratulations, you're an idiot"?
62
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,234
- I'm not an idiot!
- Really?
63
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:57,279
You're helpless! We have to do
everything for you.
64
00:03:57,529 --> 00:04:00,657
- She's right, Kev.
- Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small.
65
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,326
I don't know how to pack.
66
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,787
- I hope you didn't just pack crap.
- Shut up, Linnie.
67
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,414
You know what I should pack?
68
00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:10,751
Buzz told you, cheek-face.
Toilet paper and water.
69
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,670
What are you so worried about?
70
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:16,507
You know Mom's gonna
pack your stuff, anyway.
71
00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:19,635
You're what the French call
les incompetents.
72
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:20,802
What?
73
00:04:22,054 --> 00:04:23,514
Bombs away!
74
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:31,146
P.S. You have to sleep
on the hide-a-bed with Fuller.
75
00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:33,941
If he has something to drink,
he'll wet the bed.
76
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:37,819
This house is so full of people
it makes me sick!
77
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,656
When I grow up and get married,
I'm living alone!
78
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:41,823
Did you hear me?
79
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,534
I'm living alone!
80
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,245
I'm living alone!
81
00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,749
Who's gonna feed your spider?
82
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:55,087
He just ate a load of mice guts.
He'll be good for a couple weeks.
83
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,550
Is it true French babes
don't shave their pits?
84
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,218
Some don't.
85
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:04,179
But they got nude beaches.
86
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:05,430
Not in the winter.
87
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,232
Don't you know how to knock,
phlegm-wad?
88
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,735
Can I sleep here?
I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
89
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,654
If he drinks, he'll wet the bed.
90
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:25,200
I wouldn't let you sleep in my room
if you were growing on my ass.
91
00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:30,497
Check it out.
Old man Marley.
92
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,294
Who's he?
93
00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:39,631
You ever heard of the South Bend
Shovel Slayer?
94
00:05:40,299 --> 00:05:41,300
That's him.
95
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:46,180
In '58 he murdered his whole family
and half the people on his block...
96
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:49,141
...with a snow shovel.
97
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,519
Been hiding out
in this neighborhood ever since.
98
00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:56,190
If he's the shovel slayer,
how come the cops don't arrest him?
99
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,066
Not enough evidence to convict.
100
00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,777
They never found the bodies.
101
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,863
Everyone around here knows he did it.
102
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,365
It'll just be a matter of time...
103
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,451
...before he does it again.
104
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:08,577
What's he doing?
105
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:12,289
He walks up and down the streets
every night...
106
00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:14,708
...salting the sidewalks.
107
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,710
Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
108
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,005
No way.
109
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:23,008
See that garbage can full of salt?
110
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,303
That's where he keeps his victims.
111
00:06:26,512 --> 00:06:31,099
The salt turns the bodies
into mummies.
112
00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:34,937
Mummies!
113
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:40,359
Look out!
114
00:07:11,974 --> 00:07:13,141
How you kids doing?
115
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:14,434
Good?
116
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,979
Lot of action around here today, huh?
117
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,730
Going on vacation?
118
00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:20,399
Where you going?
119
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,067
You hear me, or what?
120
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:23,944
Going on a trip?
121
00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:26,029
Where you going, kid?
122
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,875
Okay, that's $122.50.
123
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,294
Not from me, kid. I don't live here.
124
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:42,379
You just around for the holidays?
125
00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:43,755
You could say that.
126
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,465
- Pizza's here!
- There you go.
127
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:47,551
That's $122.50.
128
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:49,761
It's my brother's house.
He'll get it.
129
00:07:51,263 --> 00:07:52,931
Hey, listen...
130
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,977
- Are you Mr. McCallister?
- Yeah.
131
00:07:57,186 --> 00:07:59,021
The Mr. McCallister who lives here?
132
00:07:59,188 --> 00:08:01,565
Good, because somebody owes me $122.50.
133
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:02,733
I'd like a word with you.
134
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,110
Am I under arrest or something?
135
00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:08,989
There's always a lot of burglaries
around the holidays.
136
00:08:09,198 --> 00:08:13,160
We're checking the neighborhood to see
if the proper precautions are taken.
137
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:17,247
We have automatic timers for our
lights, locks for our doors.
138
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,333
That's about as well
as anybody can do.
139
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:21,502
- Did you get some eggnog?
- Come on.
140
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,128
- Let's eat.
- Come on.
141
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:24,213
- Eggnog?
- Pizza!
142
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:27,591
- Are you gonna be leaving...?
- Pizza!
143
00:08:28,592 --> 00:08:30,469
Grab a napkin
and pour your own drinks.
144
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:35,140
- Does Santa go through customs?
- What time do we have to go to bed?
145
00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:38,060
Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m.
On the button.
146
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:41,939
I hope you're all drinking milk.
I want to get rid of it.
147
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:46,485
- Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus tip.
- For pizza?
148
00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:48,320
Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.
149
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,906
- You've got money.
- Traveler's checks.
150
00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,075
Forget it, Frank. We have cash.
151
00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:56,411
You probably got the checks
that don't work in France.
152
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:59,373
Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
153
00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:01,458
Yeah. But if you want any...
154
00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:05,003
...somebody's gonna have to barf it up
because it's gone.
155
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:08,841
Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.
156
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,307
Kev! Kev, get a plate.
157
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:29,570
- Passports!
- Watch it!
158
00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:35,200
No, no. Get these passports
out of here.
159
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,415
Are you okay, honey? Come here.
160
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:42,416
Are you all right?
161
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,251
What is the matter with you?
162
00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:47,087
He started it!
He ate my pizza on purpose.
163
00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:49,256
He knows I hate sausage and olives...
164
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,800
Look what you did, you little jerk!
165
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,064
Get upstairs now.
166
00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:07,274
Why?
167
00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,026
You're such a disease.
168
00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:11,528
- Shut up!
- Kevin, upstairs!
169
00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:13,780
- Say good night, Kevin.
- "Good night, Kevin."
170
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,493
Why do I get treated like scum?
171
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:21,121
I'm sorry. This house is just crazy.
172
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:24,333
We've got all these extra kids
running around.
173
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:26,627
My brother's in from Ohio.
It's nuts.
174
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:29,254
How come you didn't bring
more cheese pizzas?
175
00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:31,298
Nice tip. Thanks.
176
00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:33,926
Having a reunion?
177
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:38,055
My husband's brother transferred
to Paris. His kids are still here.
178
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,849
He missed the family,
so he invited us to Paris...
179
00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:42,100
...so we'll be together.
180
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,685
You're taking a trip to Paris?
181
00:10:43,936 --> 00:10:45,812
Yes, we leave tomorrow morning.
182
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,065
Excellent. Excellent.
183
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:51,193
If you'll excuse me, this one's
a little out of sorts.
184
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,987
Don't worry about me.
I spoke to your husband.
185
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:58,784
And don't worry about your home.
It's in good hands.
186
00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:04,665
There are 15 people, and only you
have to make trouble.
187
00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:06,166
I'm getting dumped on.
188
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:09,044
You're the only one acting up.
Now get upstairs.
189
00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:11,421
I am upstairs, dummy!
190
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:13,757
The third floor?
191
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,051
- Go.
- It's scary up there.
192
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:18,011
Fuller'll be up in a little while.
193
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:21,139
I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
He wets the bed.
194
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,475
He'll pee all over me. I know it.
195
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,394
We'll put him somewhere else.
196
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:27,938
I'm sorry.
197
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:30,440
It's too late. Get upstairs.
198
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,362
Everyone in this family hates me!
199
00:11:35,571 --> 00:11:37,573
Then ask Santa for a new family.
200
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:41,159
I don't want a new family. I don't
want any family. Families suck!
201
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:44,329
Stay up there. I don't want
to see you again tonight.
202
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:46,915
I don't want to see you
for the rest of my life.
203
00:11:47,166 --> 00:11:49,501
I don't want to see
anybody else either.
204
00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:51,712
I hope you don't mean that.
205
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,507
You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up
and didn't have a family.
206
00:11:56,258 --> 00:11:57,634
No, I wouldn't.
207
00:11:57,843 --> 00:12:00,345
Then say it again.
Maybe it'll happen.
208
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:03,557
I hope I never see any
of you jerks again!
209
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:26,497
I wish they would all just disappear.
210
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:24,179
- Where are they?
- I don't know. She said 8 sharp.
211
00:13:32,271 --> 00:13:33,605
Peter!
212
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:37,317
We slept in!
213
00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:56,420
Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy.
I live across the street.
214
00:13:56,587 --> 00:13:58,380
You guys going out of town?
215
00:13:58,547 --> 00:13:59,840
We're going to Florida.
216
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:03,468
Well, first we're going to Missouri
to pick up my grandma.
217
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,138
You know the McCallisters
are going to France?
218
00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:07,639
Do you know if it's cold?
219
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:12,227
- Do these vans get good mileage?
- Kid, I don't know. Hit the road!
220
00:14:15,731 --> 00:14:17,900
Do a head count.
Get everyone in the vans.
221
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:19,318
Where are the passports?
222
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,320
I put them in the microwave to dry.
223
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:25,115
How fast does this go?
Does it have automatic transmission?
224
00:14:25,324 --> 00:14:27,034
Does it have 4-wheel drive?
225
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:30,954
Look, I told you before, kid.
Don't bother me. Now, beat it!
226
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:44,092
Line up in front of the van.
227
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:47,804
- Line up and shut up!
- Wow!
228
00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:49,264
Shut up!
229
00:14:49,473 --> 00:14:50,641
I need a head count.
230
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:52,434
One, two, three...
231
00:14:52,643 --> 00:14:54,728
Eleven, 92, 12...
232
00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:57,064
Buzz, don't be a moron.
233
00:14:57,356 --> 00:15:00,108
Six, seven, eight...
234
00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,819
...nine, 10, 11.
235
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:06,698
Okay, half in this van,
half in this one. Let's go.
236
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:10,619
Have a good trip.
Bring me back something French.
237
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,708
There's no way we'll make this plane.
It leaves in 45 minutes.
238
00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:18,293
Think positive!
239
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,170
You be positive.
I'll be realistic.
240
00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:23,715
Excuse me, your power is fixed...
241
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:27,302
...but the phones are a mess.
It'll take a couple of days to fix...
242
00:15:27,553 --> 00:15:29,972
...especially around the holidays.
- Thanks.
243
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:31,473
Did you count heads?
244
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,308
Eleven, including me.
245
00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:36,436
Five boys, six girls,
two drivers...
246
00:15:36,645 --> 00:15:37,980
...and a partridge in a pear tree.
247
00:16:12,306 --> 00:16:13,640
Hold the plane!
248
00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:15,684
- Did we miss it?
- You just made it.
249
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:21,315
Single seats only in coach.
Take whatever's free.
250
00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,025
I get a window seat!
251
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:29,489
- Kids are in coach, we're first class.
- Seats Four A and B.
252
00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:32,075
Four A and B. I'll take your coats.
253
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,579
- Fasten your seat belts.
- Champagne, please.
254
00:16:35,746 --> 00:16:37,831
- It's free, isn't it?
- Oh, yes.
255
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:39,708
We made it.
256
00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:41,210
Do you believe it?
257
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:43,545
Hope we didn't forget anything.
258
00:18:01,165 --> 00:18:02,207
Mom?
259
00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:12,676
- That's real. It's real crystal.
- Yeah, so?
260
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:15,637
- Put them in your purse.
- Frank, I can't do that.
261
00:18:15,846 --> 00:18:18,473
Just... Put them in your purse!
262
00:18:18,849 --> 00:18:21,143
Yeah. Fill it up.
Fill it up.
263
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:22,603
Fill it up, please.
264
00:18:23,687 --> 00:18:24,646
Thank you.
265
00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:28,150
Don't you feel like a heel, flying
first class with the kids in coach?
266
00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:29,735
No. The kids are fine.
267
00:18:29,902 --> 00:18:34,031
The only time I ever flew as a kid was
in the station wagon, not to France.
268
00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:36,992
We had to go to Aunt Laura
and Uncle Arthur's.
269
00:18:37,618 --> 00:18:40,370
Kids are okay. They're having
the time of their lives.
270
00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:42,915
Hello?
271
00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:45,667
Mom?
272
00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:49,379
Dad?
273
00:18:57,888 --> 00:18:59,723
Where are you guys?
274
00:19:00,599 --> 00:19:01,934
Buzz?
275
00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:15,781
Megan?
276
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:17,533
Hello?
277
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:21,578
Rod?
278
00:19:21,745 --> 00:19:23,121
Uncle Frank?
279
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,749
Uncle Frank, is this a joke?
280
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:30,420
Megan? Linnie?
281
00:19:32,631 --> 00:19:34,591
Is this a joke?
282
00:19:57,239 --> 00:19:59,074
It's only my imagination.
283
00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:01,076
Only my imagination.
284
00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:20,804
The cars are still here.
They didn't go to the airport!
285
00:20:38,030 --> 00:20:41,325
I made my family disappear.
286
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:44,495
You're completely helpless.
287
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:45,621
You know, Kevin...
288
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:49,291
... you're what the French call
les incompetents.
289
00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:52,336
Kevin, I'm going to feed you
to my tarantula.
290
00:20:52,503 --> 00:20:55,297
Kevin, you are such a disease.
291
00:20:55,464 --> 00:21:00,219
There are 15 people, and you're
the only one who has to make trouble.
292
00:21:00,469 --> 00:21:03,805
Look what you did, you little jerk!
293
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:10,687
I made my family disappear.
294
00:21:24,201 --> 00:21:25,828
I'm free!
295
00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:38,549
Wow!
296
00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:48,225
No clothes on anybody.
Sickening!
297
00:21:49,351 --> 00:21:51,186
Cool! Firecrackers!
298
00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:52,813
I'll save these for later.
299
00:21:53,230 --> 00:21:55,858
Buzz, I'm going through
all your private stuff.
300
00:21:55,983 --> 00:21:58,527
You better come out and pound me!
301
00:22:02,364 --> 00:22:05,242
Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!
302
00:22:52,206 --> 00:22:53,540
Who is it?
303
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,378
It's me. Snakes.
304
00:22:58,545 --> 00:22:59,796
I got the stuff.
305
00:23:00,005 --> 00:23:02,716
Leave it on the doorstep
and get the hell out of here.
306
00:23:02,925 --> 00:23:06,011
All right, Johnny,
but what about my money?
307
00:23:06,178 --> 00:23:07,137
What money?
308
00:23:07,346 --> 00:23:09,473
A.C. Said you had some dough for me.
309
00:23:09,681 --> 00:23:12,476
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
310
00:23:12,684 --> 00:23:14,520
A.C. Said ten percent.
311
00:23:15,646 --> 00:23:17,940
Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more.
312
00:23:18,732 --> 00:23:21,026
Guys, I'm eating junk
and watching rubbish!
313
00:23:21,193 --> 00:23:23,487
You better come out and stop me!
314
00:23:23,904 --> 00:23:25,864
He'll call you when he gets out.
315
00:23:28,742 --> 00:23:30,828
I'll tell you what I'm gonna
give you.
316
00:23:32,454 --> 00:23:34,581
I'm gonna give you to
the count of ten...
317
00:23:35,290 --> 00:23:37,501
... to get your ugly, yellow...
318
00:23:37,709 --> 00:23:39,795
... no-good keister off my property...
319
00:23:40,003 --> 00:23:41,880
... before I pump your guts
full of lead.
320
00:23:42,089 --> 00:23:43,465
All right, I'm sorry.
321
00:23:43,841 --> 00:23:44,633
I'm going.
322
00:23:44,842 --> 00:23:47,052
One, two... ten.
323
00:24:01,775 --> 00:24:03,986
Keep the change,
you filthy animal.
324
00:24:05,737 --> 00:24:06,905
Mom!
325
00:24:17,791 --> 00:24:19,126
What's the matter?
326
00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:21,587
Honey?
327
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,299
I have a terrible feeling.
328
00:24:25,465 --> 00:24:26,341
About what?
329
00:24:27,801 --> 00:24:29,386
That we didn't do something.
330
00:24:30,304 --> 00:24:32,681
You feel that way because
we left in a hurry.
331
00:24:32,890 --> 00:24:34,516
We took care of everything.
332
00:24:34,766 --> 00:24:35,976
Did I turn off the coffee?
333
00:24:36,351 --> 00:24:37,477
No.
334
00:24:37,853 --> 00:24:38,729
I did.
335
00:24:38,937 --> 00:24:40,355
Did you lock up?
336
00:24:41,690 --> 00:24:42,774
Yeah.
337
00:24:44,109 --> 00:24:45,402
Did you close the garage?
338
00:24:47,321 --> 00:24:48,405
That's it.
339
00:24:48,614 --> 00:24:50,866
I forgot to close the garage.
That's it.
340
00:24:56,455 --> 00:24:58,165
No, that's not it.
341
00:25:00,125 --> 00:25:01,877
What else could we be forgetting?
342
00:25:05,631 --> 00:25:06,548
Kevin!
343
00:25:48,423 --> 00:25:51,510
The captain's doing all he can.
Your phones are out of order.
344
00:25:51,718 --> 00:25:54,137
We'll call when we land.
I'm sure it's okay.
345
00:25:55,806 --> 00:25:57,724
Horrible. Horrible.
346
00:25:58,183 --> 00:25:59,393
Just horrible.
347
00:25:59,810 --> 00:26:02,229
How could we do this?
We forgot him.
348
00:26:02,437 --> 00:26:04,773
We didn't forget him,
we just miscounted.
349
00:26:05,649 --> 00:26:08,026
What kind of mother am I?
350
00:26:08,235 --> 00:26:11,655
If it makes you feel any better,
I forgot my reading glasses.
351
00:26:16,076 --> 00:26:18,829
Five families gone
on one block alone.
352
00:26:19,037 --> 00:26:21,832
They all told me from their
own mouths.
353
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:23,500
It's almost too easy.
354
00:26:24,042 --> 00:26:25,085
Check it out:
355
00:26:25,335 --> 00:26:27,296
All the houses with nobody home...
356
00:26:27,421 --> 00:26:30,174
...have automatic timers
on their lights.
357
00:26:30,549 --> 00:26:33,635
But I got it all figured out.
Watch this.
358
00:26:34,845 --> 00:26:39,600
Number 664 will be going on
right about...
359
00:26:40,934 --> 00:26:42,060
...now.
360
00:26:43,061 --> 00:26:44,938
Wait, wait, wait.
361
00:26:45,939 --> 00:26:48,859
Number 682...
362
00:26:49,651 --> 00:26:52,029
...right now.
363
00:26:54,281 --> 00:26:55,365
Wait a minute.
364
00:26:55,616 --> 00:26:58,285
681...
365
00:26:58,744 --> 00:26:59,578
...now.
366
00:27:01,955 --> 00:27:05,375
And that's the one, Marvin.
That's the silver tuna.
367
00:27:05,792 --> 00:27:06,960
It's very G.
368
00:27:07,544 --> 00:27:09,922
Very G, huh? It's loaded.
369
00:27:10,130 --> 00:27:12,299
It's got lots of top-flight goods.
370
00:27:12,466 --> 00:27:15,677
- Stereos, VCRs...
- Toys?
371
00:27:15,928 --> 00:27:18,347
Probably looking at some
very fine jewelry.
372
00:27:18,764 --> 00:27:20,140
Possible cash horde.
373
00:27:20,766 --> 00:27:23,227
Odd marketable securities.
374
00:27:23,769 --> 00:27:26,021
Who knows? It's a gem.
375
00:27:26,813 --> 00:27:28,690
Grab your crowbar.
376
00:27:29,608 --> 00:27:31,235
Crowbars up.
377
00:27:33,529 --> 00:27:37,741
You're a rotter,
Mr. Grinch
378
00:27:38,116 --> 00:27:41,662
You're the king
Of sinful sots
379
00:27:42,162 --> 00:27:44,248
Your heart's a dead tomato
380
00:27:44,456 --> 00:27:48,794
Blotched with moldy purple spots,
Mr. Grinch
381
00:28:28,125 --> 00:28:29,084
Which way?
382
00:28:29,710 --> 00:28:31,962
We'll go around back,
down the basement.
383
00:28:51,982 --> 00:28:54,651
- You said they were gone.
- They were gonna leave today.
384
00:28:54,860 --> 00:28:56,403
Let's get out of here.
385
00:29:31,396 --> 00:29:33,607
We have to use the phone, please.
386
00:29:34,399 --> 00:29:37,027
It's an emergency.
We really have to make a call.
387
00:29:37,194 --> 00:29:39,613
Please! Our brother's home alone.
388
00:29:40,197 --> 00:29:41,990
Give us the phone!
389
00:29:42,324 --> 00:29:43,450
I'm sorry. Thank you.
390
00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:46,203
I'm calling the police.
Book us a flight home.
391
00:29:46,411 --> 00:29:49,206
Get change out of here.
Call everybody you know.
392
00:29:49,373 --> 00:29:53,335
Here's my address book. You and Frank
call everyone on our street.
393
00:29:53,502 --> 00:29:55,295
Maybe somebody can help us.
394
00:29:55,462 --> 00:29:58,715
Hello? Hello?
Oh, she'll have to call you back.
395
00:30:04,888 --> 00:30:06,139
This is ridiculous.
396
00:30:06,306 --> 00:30:08,559
Only a wimp would be
hiding under a bed.
397
00:30:08,767 --> 00:30:12,563
And I can't be a wimp.
I'm the man of the house.
398
00:30:19,611 --> 00:30:22,823
Hey, I'm not afraid anymore!
399
00:30:23,782 --> 00:30:27,244
I said, I'm not afraid anymore!
400
00:30:27,703 --> 00:30:31,415
Do you hear me?
I'm not afraid anymore.
401
00:31:00,819 --> 00:31:01,987
Village police department.
402
00:31:02,237 --> 00:31:05,491
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone.
403
00:31:05,699 --> 00:31:10,454
I'd like somebody to go there. Tell
him that we're coming home to get him.
404
00:31:10,621 --> 00:31:14,041
Okay, let me connect you
with Family Crisis Intervention.
405
00:31:14,249 --> 00:31:15,626
Hold on.
406
00:31:17,461 --> 00:31:20,714
Larry, can you pick up?
There's some hyper lady on hold.
407
00:31:20,923 --> 00:31:23,258
- What line, Rose?
- Two.
408
00:31:23,884 --> 00:31:26,178
Family Crisis Intervention,
Sergeant Balzac.
409
00:31:26,345 --> 00:31:29,139
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone.
410
00:31:29,348 --> 00:31:33,852
Has the child been involved in
violence with a drunk family member?
411
00:31:34,061 --> 00:31:34,978
No!
412
00:31:35,270 --> 00:31:37,731
Has he been involved
in a household accident?
413
00:31:37,898 --> 00:31:39,942
I don't know. I hope not.
414
00:31:41,235 --> 00:31:45,155
Has the child ingested any poison
or is an object lodged in his throat?
415
00:31:45,364 --> 00:31:48,700
No, he's home alone! I'd like
somebody to go over to the house...
416
00:31:48,909 --> 00:31:50,536
...and see if he's all right.
417
00:31:51,620 --> 00:31:55,082
You want us to go to your house,
just to check on him.
418
00:31:55,290 --> 00:31:56,416
Yes!
419
00:31:57,167 --> 00:31:58,460
Let me connect you to the police.
420
00:31:58,669 --> 00:32:00,045
They just transferred me.
421
00:32:00,254 --> 00:32:01,171
- Rose!
- Yeah.
422
00:32:01,338 --> 00:32:02,339
- Hyper.
- Hang on.
423
00:32:02,506 --> 00:32:05,968
- Hold on, please.
- No, please don't hang up. Please!
424
00:32:06,718 --> 00:32:08,011
Any luck?
425
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,224
- I couldn't get anybody.
- Leslie?
426
00:32:12,432 --> 00:32:14,601
Nothing but a bunch
of answering machines.
427
00:32:16,728 --> 00:32:19,565
Somebody pick up. Pick up!
428
00:32:19,773 --> 00:32:21,692
Oh, hi, ma'am. It's you again.
429
00:32:21,859 --> 00:32:25,654
Look, I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone, and l...
430
00:32:25,821 --> 00:32:29,408
We'll send a policeman over
to your house to check on your son.
431
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,023
There's nobody home.
The house looks secure.
432
00:33:01,190 --> 00:33:03,192
Tell them to count their kids again.
433
00:33:04,318 --> 00:33:06,695
You can't bump somebody or ask or...?
434
00:33:06,820 --> 00:33:08,655
There's no way I can do that.
435
00:33:08,780 --> 00:33:10,866
Isn't there a way
if you ask somebody?
436
00:33:11,074 --> 00:33:12,451
If you said it's an emergency...
437
00:33:12,659 --> 00:33:13,994
I cannot ask them.
438
00:33:14,203 --> 00:33:16,288
She's sending a policeman
over to the house.
439
00:33:16,497 --> 00:33:19,249
Well, that's a relief.
Everything here is booked.
440
00:33:19,458 --> 00:33:20,501
Nothing to Chicago?
441
00:33:20,751 --> 00:33:23,795
There's nothing to Chicago,
New York, Nashville.
442
00:33:25,172 --> 00:33:28,133
- What about a private plane?
- Sorry. We don't do that.
443
00:33:28,300 --> 00:33:31,136
The only thing is a booking
for us on Friday morning.
444
00:33:31,303 --> 00:33:33,722
Friday morn... That's two days away.
445
00:33:33,931 --> 00:33:35,807
The kids are exhausted and so are you.
446
00:33:36,016 --> 00:33:37,851
There's nothing we can do here.
447
00:33:38,060 --> 00:33:42,481
I say we go over to Rob's, and that
way we can call the police again.
448
00:33:42,689 --> 00:33:45,817
I'm not leaving here unless
it's on an airplane.
449
00:33:45,984 --> 00:33:47,945
Madame, we are doing
everything we can.
450
00:33:48,153 --> 00:33:51,990
If you want to stay at the airport,
maybe we can get you on standby.
451
00:33:52,241 --> 00:33:55,035
It is a possibility
that a seat will open up.
452
00:33:55,702 --> 00:33:58,497
- Is that okay?
- Yes. I'll wait.
453
00:34:04,753 --> 00:34:06,088
I'll miss you, honey.
454
00:34:09,925 --> 00:34:11,552
Don't you get lost.
455
00:34:13,136 --> 00:34:14,179
Goodbye.
456
00:34:29,444 --> 00:34:32,531
I took a shower, washing every
body part with actual soap.
457
00:34:32,739 --> 00:34:34,408
Including all my major crevices...
458
00:34:34,616 --> 00:34:36,910
...between my toes
and in my belly button...
459
00:34:37,119 --> 00:34:39,413
...which I never did before
but enjoyed.
460
00:34:39,913 --> 00:34:44,668
I washed my hair with adult formula
shampoo and used creme rinse.
461
00:34:45,794 --> 00:34:48,922
I can't find my toothbrush,
so I'll pick one up today.
462
00:34:49,131 --> 00:34:51,133
Other than that, I'm in good shape.
463
00:35:39,681 --> 00:35:42,768
All right! Buzz's life savings.
464
00:36:08,460 --> 00:36:11,046
I thought the Murphys
went to Florida.
465
00:36:26,812 --> 00:36:29,648
You're one of the great
cat burglars of the world.
466
00:36:29,815 --> 00:36:32,359
You think you can keep it
down a little in there?
467
00:36:32,943 --> 00:36:36,572
You've reached the Murphy's.
Please leave a message after the beep.
468
00:36:37,447 --> 00:36:41,201
This is Peter McCallister again.
We're in Paris at my brother's.
469
00:36:41,410 --> 00:36:44,705
Let me give you the number here.
The country code is 33.
470
00:36:44,872 --> 00:36:49,626
The area code is 1-4 and the number
is 694-876...
471
00:36:50,043 --> 00:36:51,837
- Hey, Harry.
- Yeah?
472
00:36:52,087 --> 00:36:55,340
That house we ran last night,
was that the McCallister's?
473
00:36:56,675 --> 00:36:59,845
- Call me in Paris.
- You're right. They're gone.
474
00:37:03,098 --> 00:37:06,518
- I knew they were.
- Silver tuna tonight.
475
00:37:08,312 --> 00:37:09,605
Wow!
476
00:37:15,319 --> 00:37:16,570
How may I help you?
477
00:37:17,154 --> 00:37:20,365
Is this toothbrush approved
by the American Dental Association?
478
00:37:21,116 --> 00:37:22,659
Well, I don't know.
479
00:37:23,660 --> 00:37:25,287
It doesn't say, hon.
480
00:37:25,579 --> 00:37:26,872
Can you please find out?
481
00:37:29,875 --> 00:37:31,543
- Herb.
- Yeah?
482
00:37:31,752 --> 00:37:34,880
I got a question here
about a toothbrush.
483
00:37:41,178 --> 00:37:45,641
Do you know, is this brush approved
by the American Dental Association?
484
00:37:45,891 --> 00:37:46,808
I don't know.
485
00:38:08,413 --> 00:38:10,707
Oh, hon, you pay for that here.
486
00:38:12,709 --> 00:38:14,503
Wait, you have to pay for that.
487
00:38:15,254 --> 00:38:17,422
Son! Son!
488
00:38:18,632 --> 00:38:21,009
Jimmy, stop that boy!
489
00:38:25,180 --> 00:38:26,348
Hey!
490
00:38:30,477 --> 00:38:31,937
Shoplifter!
491
00:38:35,607 --> 00:38:36,817
Hey! Hey, kid!
492
00:38:43,574 --> 00:38:44,825
Come back here!
493
00:38:46,243 --> 00:38:47,870
Stop it, will you?
494
00:38:48,370 --> 00:38:49,496
Come here.
495
00:39:26,033 --> 00:39:27,784
I'm a criminal.
496
00:39:54,061 --> 00:39:54,937
What's so funny?
497
00:39:56,522 --> 00:39:57,689
What's so funny?
498
00:39:58,232 --> 00:39:59,233
Why are you laughing?
499
00:40:02,444 --> 00:40:03,654
You did it again.
500
00:40:04,947 --> 00:40:06,323
You left the water running.
501
00:40:07,241 --> 00:40:09,618
Why do you do that?
I told you not to do it.
502
00:40:09,743 --> 00:40:12,037
- It's our calling card.
- Calling card.
503
00:40:12,246 --> 00:40:14,331
All the great ones leave their mark.
504
00:40:14,498 --> 00:40:16,041
We're the wet bandits.
505
00:40:16,416 --> 00:40:18,877
You're sick, you know?
You're really sick.
506
00:40:19,670 --> 00:40:21,380
- I'm not sick.
- Yes, you are.
507
00:40:21,588 --> 00:40:22,756
It's a sick thing to do.
508
00:40:29,304 --> 00:40:31,098
- We don't need that.
- Don't tell me...
509
00:40:31,223 --> 00:40:33,058
I can do it if I want to.
510
00:40:35,060 --> 00:40:37,271
It's not sick. Hey, watch out!
511
00:40:45,195 --> 00:40:46,572
Hey! Hey!
512
00:40:46,780 --> 00:40:48,615
You've gotta watch for traffic.
513
00:40:48,949 --> 00:40:50,784
- Sorry.
- Damn.
514
00:40:50,951 --> 00:40:53,287
Santy don't visit
the funeral homes, buddy.
515
00:40:54,246 --> 00:40:55,497
Okay, okay.
516
00:40:56,331 --> 00:40:58,333
Merry Christmas.
517
00:41:08,010 --> 00:41:09,344
What's the matter?
518
00:41:09,678 --> 00:41:11,972
I don't like the way
that kid looked at me.
519
00:41:12,181 --> 00:41:15,434
- Ever seen him before?
- I saw a hundred kids this week.
520
00:41:16,393 --> 00:41:18,103
Let's see what house he goes into.
521
00:41:49,343 --> 00:41:50,636
Why's he going faster?
522
00:41:50,802 --> 00:41:52,804
I told you something's wrong.
523
00:41:53,055 --> 00:41:54,932
He looked at me weird.
Why would he run?
524
00:42:29,591 --> 00:42:31,260
Maybe he went in the church.
525
00:42:31,552 --> 00:42:34,179
- I'm not going in there.
- Me neither.
526
00:42:34,471 --> 00:42:35,556
Let's get out of here.
527
00:42:53,615 --> 00:42:56,785
When those guys come back,
I'll be ready.
528
00:43:20,893 --> 00:43:21,935
Did they come back?
529
00:43:22,394 --> 00:43:24,104
From Paris?
530
00:43:58,263 --> 00:44:00,557
We'll come back tomorrow.
Maybe they'll be gone.
531
00:44:01,308 --> 00:44:03,727
We better go before somebody sees us.
532
00:44:34,091 --> 00:44:35,968
Look what I found in the kitchen.
533
00:44:36,176 --> 00:44:38,220
Frank, those are for later.
534
00:44:42,766 --> 00:44:45,060
Do you want a little shrimp, huh?
535
00:44:46,144 --> 00:44:47,813
Do you speak English?
536
00:44:51,191 --> 00:44:52,484
Well, is there...
537
00:44:58,031 --> 00:45:01,118
- Did you get anybody?
- I am looking for my son!
538
00:45:01,326 --> 00:45:02,911
No, I can't find anybody.
539
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:06,123
They're all shopping.
Nobody's home for the holidays.
540
00:45:06,290 --> 00:45:07,833
Never mind, forget it.
541
00:45:08,792 --> 00:45:11,336
- This is so pointless.
- What?
542
00:45:11,837 --> 00:45:13,839
We're here rotting in this apartment.
543
00:45:14,047 --> 00:45:16,175
Kevin's at home.
Mom's at the airport.
544
00:45:16,425 --> 00:45:19,011
- So?
- You're not worried about Kevin?
545
00:45:19,219 --> 00:45:23,891
Why should I be? He acted like a jerk
and now he caught it in the butt.
546
00:45:25,058 --> 00:45:26,768
He's so little and helpless.
547
00:45:26,935 --> 00:45:28,312
Don't you think he's freaked?
548
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:31,440
The trout can use a couple of days
in the real world.
549
00:45:31,648 --> 00:45:33,817
You're not worried
something might happen?
550
00:45:34,610 --> 00:45:36,487
No. For three reasons:
551
00:45:36,695 --> 00:45:41,158
A. I'm not that lucky.
Two: We have smoke detectors...
552
00:45:41,366 --> 00:45:45,120
...and D: We live in the most boring
street in the United States...
553
00:45:45,329 --> 00:45:49,416
...where nothing even remotely
dangerous will ever happen. Period.
554
00:46:15,484 --> 00:46:16,401
Who is it?
555
00:46:16,568 --> 00:46:18,737
It's Little Nero's.
I have your pizza.
556
00:46:19,279 --> 00:46:21,824
Leave it on the doorstep
and get out of here.
557
00:46:22,741 --> 00:46:24,159
Okay.
558
00:46:25,536 --> 00:46:26,787
What about the money?
559
00:46:28,163 --> 00:46:29,540
What money?
560
00:46:30,457 --> 00:46:32,876
Well, you have to pay
for your pizza, sir.
561
00:46:33,836 --> 00:46:37,047
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
562
00:46:38,465 --> 00:46:40,259
That'll be $11.80, sir.
563
00:46:47,349 --> 00:46:49,935
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
564
00:46:51,770 --> 00:46:53,397
- Cheapskate.
- Hey.
565
00:46:53,605 --> 00:46:55,816
I'm gonna give you
to the count of ten...
566
00:46:55,983 --> 00:46:58,318
... to get your ugly, yellow...
567
00:46:58,527 --> 00:47:00,529
... no-good keister
off my property...
568
00:47:00,737 --> 00:47:02,739
... before I pump you full of lead.
569
00:47:02,948 --> 00:47:05,534
One, two... ten.
570
00:47:32,477 --> 00:47:35,522
A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.
571
00:47:38,775 --> 00:47:40,277
- To Dallas/Forth Worth.
572
00:47:40,486 --> 00:47:42,237
American Airlines...
573
00:47:43,906 --> 00:47:46,283
So we have the $500,
the pocket translator...
574
00:47:46,533 --> 00:47:48,785
...the two first-class seats,
that's an upgrade...
575
00:47:48,994 --> 00:47:50,120
Is that a real Rolex?
576
00:47:51,788 --> 00:47:53,999
- Do you think it is?
- No.
577
00:47:54,208 --> 00:47:57,294
But who can tell?
I also have a ring.
578
00:47:57,461 --> 00:47:59,338
Oh, that is beautiful!
579
00:47:59,463 --> 00:48:00,714
They're boarding.
580
00:48:01,298 --> 00:48:04,426
She's offered us two first-class
tickets if we go Friday.
581
00:48:04,635 --> 00:48:08,722
Plus a ring, a watch,
a pocket translator, $500 and...
582
00:48:08,931 --> 00:48:10,140
The earrings.
583
00:48:10,432 --> 00:48:14,061
She's got her own earrings.
A whole shoebox full of them.
584
00:48:14,228 --> 00:48:15,771
- Come on, come on.
- No, but...
585
00:48:17,231 --> 00:48:18,106
I'm desperate.
586
00:48:19,149 --> 00:48:22,820
I'm begging you.
From a mother to a mother. Please!
587
00:48:24,822 --> 00:48:27,366
- Oh, Ed.
- Please!
588
00:48:28,325 --> 00:48:29,993
Oh, all right.
589
00:48:35,499 --> 00:48:37,876
"Dear Santa, I got a little sister
last year.
590
00:48:38,085 --> 00:48:40,546
This year I'd rather have
some Clay-Doh. "
591
00:48:53,892 --> 00:48:54,935
I didn't mean it.
592
00:48:55,102 --> 00:48:58,063
If you come back, I'll never be
a pain in the butt again.
593
00:48:58,397 --> 00:49:01,483
I promise. Good night.
594
00:49:20,169 --> 00:49:23,213
I'm dreaming
595
00:49:23,422 --> 00:49:24,590
Of a white
596
00:49:25,674 --> 00:49:27,593
Christmas
597
00:49:27,801 --> 00:49:31,847
Just like the ones
I used to know
598
00:49:33,932 --> 00:49:37,561
Where those treetops glisten
599
00:49:37,769 --> 00:49:41,315
And children listen
600
00:49:41,565 --> 00:49:46,278
To hear sleigh bells
In the snow
601
00:49:46,945 --> 00:49:48,572
The snow
602
00:50:38,580 --> 00:50:40,374
Are those microwave dinners good?
603
00:50:41,083 --> 00:50:43,627
- I don't know.
- I'll give them a whirl.
604
00:50:48,966 --> 00:50:50,384
For the kids.
605
00:50:52,636 --> 00:50:54,721
Hold on, I got a coupon for that.
606
00:50:56,014 --> 00:50:57,808
It was in the paper this morning.
607
00:51:01,353 --> 00:51:02,229
$19.83.
608
00:51:02,855 --> 00:51:04,064
Okay.
609
00:51:07,985 --> 00:51:09,319
Are you here all by yourself?
610
00:51:10,737 --> 00:51:12,281
Ma'am, I'm 8 years old.
611
00:51:12,489 --> 00:51:16,618
You think I'd be here alone?
I don't think so.
612
00:51:17,494 --> 00:51:18,328
Where's your mom?
613
00:51:18,537 --> 00:51:20,038
- In the car.
- Where's your dad?
614
00:51:20,247 --> 00:51:23,041
- He's at work.
- What about brothers and sisters?
615
00:51:23,250 --> 00:51:24,501
I'm an only child.
616
00:51:25,002 --> 00:51:27,045
- Where do you live?
- I can't tell you.
617
00:51:27,212 --> 00:51:29,965
- Why not?
- Cause you're a stranger.
618
00:52:07,044 --> 00:52:10,088
Hello, Kevin!
619
00:52:13,425 --> 00:52:14,635
Shut up!
620
00:52:27,731 --> 00:52:28,941
I don't get it.
621
00:52:29,566 --> 00:52:31,610
It looks like there's nobody's home.
622
00:52:32,569 --> 00:52:34,571
Last night the place is jumping.
623
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:36,824
Something ain't right.
624
00:52:37,783 --> 00:52:38,784
Go check it out.
625
00:52:47,417 --> 00:52:48,460
Now?
626
00:52:48,961 --> 00:52:52,339
No, tomorrow, egghead!
Now! Go ahead.
627
00:52:54,550 --> 00:52:55,634
"Now."
628
00:53:12,276 --> 00:53:13,318
Shit!
629
00:53:16,488 --> 00:53:17,990
Get the hell out of here.
630
00:53:18,198 --> 00:53:21,201
All right, Johnny.
But what about my money?
631
00:53:21,410 --> 00:53:22,411
What money?
632
00:53:22,619 --> 00:53:24,746
A.C. Said you had
some dough for me.
633
00:53:24,913 --> 00:53:27,708
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
634
00:53:27,875 --> 00:53:29,585
A.C. Said ten percent.
635
00:53:30,794 --> 00:53:33,255
Too bad A.C.
Ain't in charge no more.
636
00:53:33,380 --> 00:53:34,506
What do you mean?
637
00:53:34,715 --> 00:53:37,134
He's upstairs, taking a bath.
638
00:53:38,010 --> 00:53:40,012
He'll call you when he gets out.
639
00:53:41,430 --> 00:53:45,475
Hey, I tell you what I'm
gonna give you, Snakes.
640
00:53:46,143 --> 00:53:49,229
- Snakes?
- I'll give you to the count of ten...
641
00:53:49,438 --> 00:53:51,565
... to get your ugly,
yellow, no-good...
642
00:53:51,773 --> 00:53:53,650
... keister off my property...
643
00:53:53,859 --> 00:53:55,819
... before I pump you full of lead.
644
00:53:55,986 --> 00:53:58,572
All right, Johnny. I'm sorry.
I'm going.
645
00:53:58,780 --> 00:54:01,492
One, two... ten.
646
00:54:20,010 --> 00:54:22,846
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
647
00:54:27,434 --> 00:54:28,227
What happened?
648
00:54:28,435 --> 00:54:31,021
I don't know who, but somebody
just got blown away.
649
00:54:31,230 --> 00:54:33,482
Somebody beat us,
they're in there.
650
00:54:33,690 --> 00:54:34,775
Two of them.
651
00:54:34,942 --> 00:54:37,486
There was arguing.
One blew the other one away.
652
00:54:37,694 --> 00:54:39,196
- Who?
- I don't know.
653
00:54:40,072 --> 00:54:44,785
I recognized one of their voices.
I heard that name "Snakes" before.
654
00:54:44,993 --> 00:54:48,580
Snakes? Snakes. Snakes.
I don't know no Snakes.
655
00:54:48,747 --> 00:54:51,959
Snakes. Let's get out of here.
656
00:54:54,169 --> 00:54:55,379
Hold it. Hold it.
657
00:54:55,546 --> 00:54:58,757
Let's wait and see who it is.
We work this neighborhood too.
658
00:54:59,550 --> 00:55:01,468
Suppose the cops finger us
for a job...
659
00:55:01,677 --> 00:55:04,555
...and they ask us about
a murder in the area.
660
00:55:04,763 --> 00:55:07,599
Wouldn't it be nice to have
a face to go with it?
661
00:55:10,102 --> 00:55:11,270
That's a good idea.
662
00:55:11,770 --> 00:55:14,690
Of course it's a good idea.
Snakes?
663
00:55:14,898 --> 00:55:16,942
He sounded like a snake.
664
00:55:23,323 --> 00:55:24,449
Everything's full.
665
00:55:24,658 --> 00:55:26,034
Everything's full?
666
00:55:26,243 --> 00:55:28,996
I'm very sorry, but
it is Christmas Eve.
667
00:55:29,705 --> 00:55:31,373
What about another airline?
668
00:55:35,919 --> 00:55:38,630
Nothing available.
May I help you get a hotel room?
669
00:55:38,797 --> 00:55:40,674
Tomorrow we can get you a flight.
670
00:55:40,883 --> 00:55:42,509
I can't wait that long.
671
00:55:42,759 --> 00:55:46,555
I'm sorry, ma'am, but we're
doing absolutely everything we can.
672
00:55:50,559 --> 00:55:53,479
I'm in your way. I'm sorry.
You've places to go.
673
00:55:53,687 --> 00:55:55,981
Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me.
674
00:55:56,190 --> 00:55:59,401
Look, I have been awake
for almost 60 hours.
675
00:55:59,610 --> 00:56:01,028
I'm tired and I'm dirty.
676
00:56:01,236 --> 00:56:05,157
I have been from Chicago to Paris,
to Dallas, to... Where am I?
677
00:56:05,699 --> 00:56:06,950
Scranton.
678
00:56:07,493 --> 00:56:09,870
I'm trying to get home
to my 8-year-old son.
679
00:56:10,746 --> 00:56:13,081
Now you're telling me it's hopeless?
680
00:56:13,290 --> 00:56:15,667
- I'm sorry.
- No. No way.
681
00:56:15,876 --> 00:56:16,919
This is Christmas!
682
00:56:17,127 --> 00:56:19,463
The season of perpetual hope.
683
00:56:19,671 --> 00:56:22,466
If I have to get on
your runway and hitchhike...
684
00:56:22,674 --> 00:56:24,551
...if it costs me everything I own...
685
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:27,513
...if I have to sell my soul
to the Devil himself...
686
00:56:27,721 --> 00:56:30,390
...I am going to get home to my son.
687
00:56:31,683 --> 00:56:33,560
Ma'am, if there was anything...
688
00:56:33,769 --> 00:56:35,187
Do it. Do anything.
689
00:56:35,437 --> 00:56:37,314
- I can get you a hotel room.
- What?
690
00:56:37,564 --> 00:56:41,401
Can you excuse us for a sec?
Can I see you for a second, please?
691
00:56:41,610 --> 00:56:43,445
Excuse us.
692
00:56:45,447 --> 00:56:47,741
You got a little bit of a dilemma.
693
00:56:47,950 --> 00:56:50,285
We got a crisis ourselves.
694
00:56:50,744 --> 00:56:52,955
Allow me to introduce myself.
Gus Polinski.
695
00:56:55,374 --> 00:56:57,417
Polka King of the Midwest?
696
00:57:00,504 --> 00:57:02,673
The Kenosha Kickers?
697
00:57:03,257 --> 00:57:04,508
- Hi there.
- Hiya.
698
00:57:05,300 --> 00:57:08,595
That's okay. I thought you might
have recognized...
699
00:57:08,804 --> 00:57:12,266
I had a few hits a few years ago.
That's why I just...
700
00:57:12,474 --> 00:57:16,937
"Polka, Polka, Polka"?
Polka, polka, polka
701
00:57:17,104 --> 00:57:18,063
"Twin Lakes Polka"?
702
00:57:18,272 --> 00:57:22,901
"Yamahoozie Polka," a.k.a.
"Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist"?
703
00:57:23,110 --> 00:57:24,528
These are songs?
704
00:57:24,736 --> 00:57:27,531
Yeah. Yeah, we...
Some fairly big hits for us.
705
00:57:27,739 --> 00:57:29,449
You know, in the early '80s.
706
00:57:29,700 --> 00:57:32,369
Yeah, we sold about 623
copies of that.
707
00:57:32,578 --> 00:57:34,037
- In Chicago?
- No, Sheboygan.
708
00:57:34,288 --> 00:57:35,789
Very big in Sheboygan.
709
00:57:36,039 --> 00:57:37,499
Did you say you could help?
710
00:57:37,666 --> 00:57:41,295
Anyway, I'm rambling on here.
Our flight was canceled...
711
00:57:41,420 --> 00:57:45,674
...so we're gonna drive. See the guy
in the yellow jacket over there?
712
00:57:45,924 --> 00:57:49,178
He's gonna rent us a nice big van
to drive to Milwaukee.
713
00:57:49,344 --> 00:57:52,514
Now, I heard you had some problems
getting to Chicago?
714
00:57:52,931 --> 00:57:54,224
To see your kid or something?
715
00:57:54,391 --> 00:57:58,103
Uh, my son. He...
We left, and he's there.
716
00:57:58,312 --> 00:58:01,857
If you have to get to Chicago,
we'll gladly drive you.
717
00:58:01,982 --> 00:58:03,942
It's on the way to Milwaukee.
718
00:58:04,485 --> 00:58:06,778
- You'd give me a ride?
- Sure, why not?
719
00:58:06,945 --> 00:58:08,447
You've got to get home.
720
00:58:08,655 --> 00:58:11,492
- A ride to Chicago?
- Sure, it's Christmastime.
721
00:58:12,159 --> 00:58:13,619
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
722
00:58:13,827 --> 00:58:15,913
You don't mind going with polka bums?
723
00:58:16,121 --> 00:58:17,831
No, I'd love to.
724
00:58:39,353 --> 00:58:41,939
Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv!
725
00:58:42,105 --> 00:58:42,940
Look at this.
726
00:58:49,363 --> 00:58:52,908
I think we're getting scammed
by a kindergartner.
727
00:59:22,062 --> 00:59:24,189
Dad, can you come here
and help me?
728
00:59:28,861 --> 00:59:30,988
Remember that kid
we saw the other day?
729
00:59:31,947 --> 00:59:33,365
He lives here.
730
00:59:33,657 --> 00:59:36,034
If the kid's here,
the parent's got to be.
731
00:59:36,660 --> 00:59:38,162
He's home alone.
732
00:59:45,836 --> 00:59:47,963
What? You want to come
back tonight?
733
00:59:48,172 --> 00:59:49,548
Even with the kid here?
734
00:59:49,756 --> 00:59:51,717
I don't think that's a good idea.
735
00:59:51,925 --> 00:59:54,553
That house is the reason
we worked this block.
736
00:59:54,761 --> 00:59:57,014
Ever since I saw that house,
I wanted it.
737
00:59:57,181 --> 00:59:59,183
Let's take it one step at a time.
738
00:59:59,391 --> 01:00:03,854
We'll unload the van, get a bite
to eat, we'll come back about 9:00.
739
01:00:04,021 --> 01:00:05,230
Nine o'clock.
740
01:00:05,397 --> 01:00:06,732
This way it's dark then.
741
01:00:06,940 --> 01:00:09,818
Yeah, kids are scared of the dark.
742
01:00:10,027 --> 01:00:12,654
You're afraid of the dark too.
You know you are.
743
01:00:13,989 --> 01:00:15,365
No, I'm not.
744
01:00:15,574 --> 01:00:17,367
- Yes, you are.
- Not, not, not.
745
01:00:17,534 --> 01:00:18,619
You are so.
746
01:00:18,785 --> 01:00:20,704
Mom, where are you?
747
01:00:34,885 --> 01:00:36,053
Do you play?
748
01:00:36,678 --> 01:00:39,932
Do you want to try? Go ahead,
try it. Try it!
749
01:01:06,333 --> 01:01:08,585
- Excuse me.
- Yeah?
750
01:01:10,045 --> 01:01:11,713
Hey, nice shoes.
751
01:01:12,047 --> 01:01:13,465
Oh, thanks.
752
01:01:13,674 --> 01:01:17,135
Is he still here? It's really
important that I see him.
753
01:01:17,761 --> 01:01:21,139
He's getting in his car.
If you hurry, you can catch him.
754
01:01:22,432 --> 01:01:26,478
How low! Giving Kriss Kringle
a parking ticket on Christmas Eve!
755
01:01:26,687 --> 01:01:29,189
What's next, rabies shots
for the Easter Bunny?
756
01:01:29,398 --> 01:01:30,816
Santa, hold on.
757
01:01:33,068 --> 01:01:34,987
- Can I talk to you for a minute?
- Quickly.
758
01:01:35,195 --> 01:01:36,780
Santa's running late.
759
01:01:36,947 --> 01:01:39,324
I know you're not
the real Santa Claus.
760
01:01:39,783 --> 01:01:43,162
Huh, what makes you say that?
Just out of curiosity.
761
01:01:43,370 --> 01:01:46,623
- I'm old enough to know how it works.
- All right.
762
01:01:46,832 --> 01:01:48,792
But I also know you work for him.
763
01:01:49,168 --> 01:01:51,837
- I'd like you to give him a message.
- Shoot.
764
01:01:52,296 --> 01:01:56,800
Kevin McCallister, 681 Lincoln Blvd.
Do you need the phone number?
765
01:01:57,176 --> 01:01:58,385
No, that's all right.
766
01:01:58,677 --> 01:02:00,387
This is extremely important.
767
01:02:00,554 --> 01:02:05,309
Please tell him instead of presents,
I just want my family back.
768
01:02:06,018 --> 01:02:10,230
No toys. Nothing but Peter, Kate,
Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff.
769
01:02:10,439 --> 01:02:12,357
And my aunt and my cousins.
770
01:02:12,566 --> 01:02:15,569
And if he has time,
my Uncle Frank. Okay?
771
01:02:17,196 --> 01:02:18,280
Okay.
772
01:02:19,198 --> 01:02:21,408
- I'll see what I can do.
- Thanks.
773
01:02:21,617 --> 01:02:25,871
Wait. My elf took the last of the
candy canes home to her boyfriend.
774
01:02:26,079 --> 01:02:27,915
- That's okay.
- No, don't be silly.
775
01:02:28,123 --> 01:02:30,876
Everybody who sees Santa
has got to get something.
776
01:02:31,084 --> 01:02:35,047
Here, hold out your little paw there.
There you go.
777
01:02:35,464 --> 01:02:37,716
- Don't spoil your dinner.
- I won't.
778
01:02:38,175 --> 01:02:39,468
Thanks.
779
01:02:50,229 --> 01:02:51,730
Son of a...!
780
01:05:41,859 --> 01:05:43,193
Merry Christmas.
781
01:05:45,571 --> 01:05:46,780
May I sit down?
782
01:05:57,666 --> 01:05:59,042
That's my granddaughter.
783
01:05:59,585 --> 01:06:01,170
The little red-haired girl.
784
01:06:03,338 --> 01:06:06,008
She's about your age.
You know her?
785
01:06:06,258 --> 01:06:07,176
No.
786
01:06:07,384 --> 01:06:09,136
You live next to me, don't you?
787
01:06:10,470 --> 01:06:13,891
You can say hello when you see me.
You don't have to be afraid.
788
01:06:14,933 --> 01:06:19,563
There's a lot of things going around
about me, but none of it's true. Okay?
789
01:06:20,397 --> 01:06:22,483
- You've been good this year?
- I think so.
790
01:06:22,983 --> 01:06:24,234
You swear to it?
791
01:06:24,818 --> 01:06:25,777
No.
792
01:06:25,944 --> 01:06:30,407
Yeah. Well, this is the place to be
if you're feeling bad about yourself.
793
01:06:30,741 --> 01:06:33,285
- It is?
- I think so.
794
01:06:33,494 --> 01:06:35,954
- Are you feeling bad about yourself?
- No.
795
01:06:40,209 --> 01:06:42,211
I've been kind of a pain lately.
796
01:06:42,669 --> 01:06:45,005
I said some things I shouldn't have.
797
01:06:45,214 --> 01:06:47,841
I really haven't been
too good this year.
798
01:06:48,467 --> 01:06:49,384
Yeah.
799
01:06:49,551 --> 01:06:52,679
I'm kind of upset
because I really like my family.
800
01:06:52,930 --> 01:06:57,601
Even though sometimes I say I don't.
Sometimes I even think I don't.
801
01:06:57,976 --> 01:07:00,562
- Do you get that?
- I think so.
802
01:07:00,813 --> 01:07:03,148
How you feel about family
is a complicated thing.
803
01:07:03,941 --> 01:07:06,235
Especially with an older brother.
804
01:07:06,985 --> 01:07:09,196
Deep down, you'll always love him.
805
01:07:09,404 --> 01:07:13,575
But you can forget that you love him.
You can hurt them, they can hurt you.
806
01:07:13,742 --> 01:07:15,661
That's not just because you're young.
807
01:07:17,704 --> 01:07:20,290
You want to know the real
reason why I'm here?
808
01:07:20,499 --> 01:07:21,667
Sure.
809
01:07:22,084 --> 01:07:24,044
I came to hear my granddaughter sing.
810
01:07:24,378 --> 01:07:25,879
I can't come hear her tonight.
811
01:07:26,338 --> 01:07:27,339
You have plans?
812
01:07:27,798 --> 01:07:28,841
No.
813
01:07:29,758 --> 01:07:31,009
I'm not welcome.
814
01:07:31,718 --> 01:07:32,928
At church?
815
01:07:33,136 --> 01:07:35,139
You're always welcome at church.
816
01:07:35,389 --> 01:07:37,307
I'm not welcome with my son.
817
01:07:38,767 --> 01:07:42,312
Years back, before you and your family
moved on the block...
818
01:07:43,063 --> 01:07:44,648
...I had an argument with my son.
819
01:07:45,440 --> 01:07:46,525
How old is he?
820
01:07:46,733 --> 01:07:48,193
He's grown up.
821
01:07:49,570 --> 01:07:54,032
We lost our tempers, and I said
I didn't care to see him anymore.
822
01:07:54,533 --> 01:07:58,662
He said the same, and we haven't
spoken to each other since.
823
01:07:59,746 --> 01:08:01,957
If you miss him,
why don't you call him?
824
01:08:02,499 --> 01:08:04,585
I'm afraid if I call,
he won't talk to me.
825
01:08:04,793 --> 01:08:06,253
How do you know?
826
01:08:07,212 --> 01:08:08,547
I don't know.
827
01:08:08,797 --> 01:08:09,882
I'm just afraid.
828
01:08:10,465 --> 01:08:13,468
No offense, but aren't you
a little old to be afraid?
829
01:08:14,720 --> 01:08:16,805
You can be old for a lot of things.
830
01:08:17,014 --> 01:08:19,683
- You're never too old to be afraid.
- That's true.
831
01:08:19,892 --> 01:08:21,727
I was afraid of our basement.
832
01:08:21,935 --> 01:08:25,063
It's dark. There's weird stuff
down there, and it smells funny.
833
01:08:25,272 --> 01:08:28,734
That sort of thing.
It's bothered me for years.
834
01:08:28,942 --> 01:08:30,194
Basements are like that.
835
01:08:31,403 --> 01:08:33,739
I made myself go down
to do some laundry...
836
01:08:33,906 --> 01:08:35,949
...and I found out it's not so bad.
837
01:08:36,158 --> 01:08:40,621
I worried about it, but if you
turn on the lights, it's no big deal.
838
01:08:40,954 --> 01:08:41,872
What's your point?
839
01:08:42,289 --> 01:08:44,958
My point is,
you should call your son.
840
01:08:45,876 --> 01:08:48,504
- What if he won't talk to me?
- At least you'll know.
841
01:08:48,712 --> 01:08:52,925
Then you could stop worrying about it.
You won't have to be afraid anymore.
842
01:08:53,675 --> 01:08:58,388
No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to
Dad. Especially around the holidays.
843
01:09:00,098 --> 01:09:01,558
I don't know.
844
01:09:01,809 --> 01:09:02,851
Just give it a shot.
845
01:09:03,060 --> 01:09:04,603
For your granddaughter anyway.
846
01:09:04,812 --> 01:09:07,940
I'm sure she misses you.
And the presents.
847
01:09:08,440 --> 01:09:09,817
I send her a check.
848
01:09:10,484 --> 01:09:12,236
I wish my grandparents did that.
849
01:09:12,444 --> 01:09:13,862
They always send me clothes.
850
01:09:14,071 --> 01:09:16,907
Last year I got a sweater
with a bird knitted on it.
851
01:09:17,115 --> 01:09:18,075
Oh, that's nice.
852
01:09:18,283 --> 01:09:20,285
Not for a guy in the second grade.
853
01:09:20,536 --> 01:09:23,038
You can get beat up for wearing
something like that.
854
01:09:24,331 --> 01:09:26,291
I have a friend who got nailed...
855
01:09:26,500 --> 01:09:29,294
...because there was a rumor
he wore dinosaur pajamas.
856
01:09:30,379 --> 01:09:32,464
You better run home where you belong.
857
01:09:33,298 --> 01:09:34,383
Think about what I said.
858
01:09:34,800 --> 01:09:36,260
- All right?
- Okay.
859
01:09:37,052 --> 01:09:38,095
It's nice talking to you.
860
01:09:39,096 --> 01:09:40,681
Nice talking to you.
861
01:09:46,812 --> 01:09:48,939
- What about you?
- Me?
862
01:09:49,398 --> 01:09:50,899
Yeah. You and your son.
863
01:09:52,776 --> 01:09:54,570
We'll see what happens.
864
01:09:55,863 --> 01:09:57,114
Merry Christmas.
865
01:09:58,157 --> 01:09:59,992
Merry Christmas.
866
01:10:49,875 --> 01:10:53,295
This is my house.
I have to defend it.
867
01:12:17,629 --> 01:12:20,549
We'll check it out.
We can come back for the truck.
868
01:12:28,515 --> 01:12:29,766
How do you want to go in?
869
01:12:30,225 --> 01:12:33,061
We'll go to the back door.
Maybe he'll let us in.
870
01:12:33,270 --> 01:12:36,523
Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid.
871
01:12:38,525 --> 01:12:42,279
Bless this nutritious, microwaveable
macaroni and cheese dinner...
872
01:12:42,529 --> 01:12:45,032
...and the people who sold
it on sale.
873
01:13:09,181 --> 01:13:11,850
This is it. Don't get scared now.
874
01:13:24,404 --> 01:13:26,949
Merry Christmas, little fella.
875
01:13:27,825 --> 01:13:32,412
We know that you're in there,
and that you're all alone.
876
01:13:32,871 --> 01:13:34,998
Yeah, come on, kid. Open up.
877
01:13:35,999 --> 01:13:38,460
It's Santy Claus and his elf.
878
01:13:40,838 --> 01:13:42,381
We're not gonna hurt you.
879
01:13:42,589 --> 01:13:45,926
No, no. Got some nice
presents for you.
880
01:13:46,260 --> 01:13:49,721
Be a good little fella now
and open the door.
881
01:13:54,309 --> 01:13:55,435
What?
882
01:13:57,187 --> 01:13:59,064
What? What?
883
01:13:59,940 --> 01:14:00,816
What?
884
01:14:00,941 --> 01:14:03,152
- What happened?
- Get that little...
885
01:14:14,413 --> 01:14:15,747
Hello.
886
01:14:21,253 --> 01:14:23,463
Yes! Yes!
887
01:14:23,672 --> 01:14:25,174
The little jerk is armed!
888
01:14:25,340 --> 01:14:29,386
That's it! I'm going in the front.
You go down the basement!
889
01:16:55,866 --> 01:17:00,412
Oh, boy. That's it, you little...
You little...
890
01:17:01,288 --> 01:17:03,332
No, not this time, you little brat.
891
01:17:06,627 --> 01:17:09,379
You little creep, where are you?
892
01:17:32,319 --> 01:17:33,654
Yes!
893
01:18:06,019 --> 01:18:07,604
- Rip his head off...!
894
01:18:17,322 --> 01:18:18,657
You're dead, kid.
895
01:19:04,036 --> 01:19:06,705
Where are you, you little creep?!
896
01:19:22,346 --> 01:19:24,932
Harry, I'm coming in!
897
01:19:29,311 --> 01:19:31,355
Oh, no! I'm really scared.
898
01:19:31,563 --> 01:19:35,275
It's too late for you, kid, we're
in the house. We're gonna get you.
899
01:19:35,484 --> 01:19:37,486
Okay, come and get me!
900
01:19:37,820 --> 01:19:38,821
Why, you...!
901
01:19:45,160 --> 01:19:46,370
Now you're dead!
902
01:20:11,019 --> 01:20:13,480
I'm gonna kill that kid!
903
01:20:30,247 --> 01:20:31,957
Why'd you take your shoes off?
904
01:20:32,499 --> 01:20:34,126
Why are you dressed like a chicken?
905
01:20:36,003 --> 01:20:37,546
I'm up here, you morons.
906
01:20:37,796 --> 01:20:39,298
Come and get me.
907
01:20:42,551 --> 01:20:45,721
You guys give up, or are you
thirsty for more?
908
01:20:55,147 --> 01:20:56,440
Heads up!
909
01:20:59,401 --> 01:21:01,820
Don't worry, Marv.
I'll get him for you.
910
01:21:05,741 --> 01:21:06,700
Yes!
911
01:21:11,747 --> 01:21:13,957
He's only a kid, Harry.
We can take him.
912
01:21:14,124 --> 01:21:17,085
Ah, shut up, will you?
What is it?
913
01:21:17,294 --> 01:21:19,379
You're missing some teeth.
914
01:21:19,546 --> 01:21:21,548
Where? It's my gold tooth.
915
01:21:21,798 --> 01:21:24,676
My gold tooth. I'll kill him.
I'll kill him!
916
01:21:26,970 --> 01:21:29,056
You bomb me with
one more can, kid...
917
01:21:29,223 --> 01:21:33,310
...and I'll snap off your cojones
and boil them in motor oil!
918
01:21:36,522 --> 01:21:37,564
911 emergency.
919
01:21:37,815 --> 01:21:39,566
Hello, my house is being robbed.
920
01:21:39,775 --> 01:21:44,279
My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard.
My name is Murphy.
921
01:21:47,699 --> 01:21:48,992
You never know what's up there.
922
01:21:50,118 --> 01:21:50,911
There he is!
923
01:21:56,333 --> 01:21:58,001
I got you! I got him, Harry.
924
01:21:59,711 --> 01:22:00,921
I got him.
925
01:22:02,089 --> 01:22:03,257
Harry, give me a hand!
926
01:22:06,468 --> 01:22:07,344
I got him!
927
01:22:08,512 --> 01:22:09,847
Harry, help me. Get up!
928
01:22:11,348 --> 01:22:12,516
I got him.
929
01:22:50,679 --> 01:22:51,722
What are you doing?
930
01:22:52,514 --> 01:22:55,100
Harry, don't move.
931
01:22:56,560 --> 01:22:58,854
Don't move.
932
01:22:59,271 --> 01:23:00,772
Marv, what are you doing?
933
01:23:05,319 --> 01:23:06,278
Did I get him?
934
01:23:07,362 --> 01:23:08,697
Did I get him?!
935
01:23:09,072 --> 01:23:11,033
Where is it? Where is it?
936
01:23:11,241 --> 01:23:14,745
Never mind that. Here!
How do you like it, huh? You jerk!
937
01:23:14,912 --> 01:23:17,539
Get that kid, before l...
Get that kid!
938
01:23:43,190 --> 01:23:44,441
Where'd he go?
939
01:23:45,150 --> 01:23:47,069
Maybe he committed suicide.
940
01:23:47,486 --> 01:23:52,157
Down here, you big horse's ass!
Come get me before I call the police.
941
01:23:52,324 --> 01:23:54,201
- Let's get him!
- Wait, wait.
942
01:23:54,451 --> 01:23:56,203
It's just what he wants us to do:
943
01:23:56,411 --> 01:23:59,414
Go back through his fun house
so we get all tore up.
944
01:23:59,623 --> 01:24:01,041
He's gonna call the cops!
945
01:24:01,250 --> 01:24:02,876
From a tree house?!
946
01:24:03,126 --> 01:24:04,211
Come on.
947
01:24:05,379 --> 01:24:06,713
Out the window?
948
01:24:07,172 --> 01:24:08,465
I'm not going out the window.
949
01:24:08,674 --> 01:24:12,427
Why, you scared? Are you afraid?
Come on, get out here.
950
01:24:17,099 --> 01:24:18,350
Come on.
951
01:24:24,148 --> 01:24:25,566
Come on!
952
01:24:31,238 --> 01:24:34,032
- Come on. Keep going.
- Let's go back, Harry.
953
01:24:39,454 --> 01:24:40,497
Shut it, Marv.
954
01:24:43,959 --> 01:24:44,793
Hey, guys!
955
01:24:45,419 --> 01:24:46,587
Check this out.
956
01:24:47,671 --> 01:24:49,339
Go back. Go back.
957
01:25:35,928 --> 01:25:36,678
There he is!
958
01:25:37,262 --> 01:25:39,348
Hey, I'm calling the cops!
959
01:25:40,557 --> 01:25:42,935
Wait, wait!
He wants us to follow him.
960
01:25:43,101 --> 01:25:45,020
I got a better idea. Come on.
961
01:26:02,246 --> 01:26:03,497
Hiya, pal.
962
01:26:03,914 --> 01:26:06,959
We outsmarted you this time.
Get over here!
963
01:26:12,673 --> 01:26:14,091
What are you gonna do, Harry?
964
01:26:14,466 --> 01:26:16,385
I'll do exactly what he did to us.
965
01:26:16,635 --> 01:26:18,345
Burn his head with a blowtorch.
966
01:26:18,554 --> 01:26:20,514
I'll smash his face with an iron.
967
01:26:20,722 --> 01:26:23,433
I'd like to slap him
in the face with a paint can!
968
01:26:23,642 --> 01:26:25,144
Shove a nail through his foot!
969
01:26:25,352 --> 01:26:30,107
I'm gonna bite off every one of
these little fingers, one at a time.
970
01:26:38,991 --> 01:26:41,285
Come on. Let's get you home.
971
01:27:03,265 --> 01:27:05,893
Wow! This is great.
972
01:27:09,104 --> 01:27:11,398
Nice move,
leaving the water running.
973
01:27:11,565 --> 01:27:15,194
Now we know each and every house
that you've hit.
974
01:27:18,530 --> 01:27:21,200
We've been looking for you guys
for a long time.
975
01:27:21,408 --> 01:27:24,161
Yeah. Well, remember,
we're the "Wet Bandits."
976
01:27:24,369 --> 01:27:28,207
- Wet Bandits, that's W-E-T...
- Shut up! Get in the car!
977
01:27:28,415 --> 01:27:30,083
Hey, come on. Come on.
978
01:27:30,709 --> 01:27:33,086
- Hand off the head, pal!
- Come on.
979
01:28:26,390 --> 01:28:28,350
I'm a bad parent. I'm a bad parent.
980
01:28:28,600 --> 01:28:29,643
No, you're not.
981
01:28:29,852 --> 01:28:32,396
You're beating yourself up there.
This happens.
982
01:28:32,604 --> 01:28:34,189
These things happen, you know.
983
01:28:34,398 --> 01:28:37,943
You want to talk about bad parents?
Look at us.
984
01:28:38,152 --> 01:28:42,698
We're on the road 48, 49 weeks a year.
We hardly see our families.
985
01:28:43,365 --> 01:28:45,576
Joe, over there. Gosh, you know...
986
01:28:45,742 --> 01:28:48,495
...he forgets his kids' names
half the time.
987
01:28:48,662 --> 01:28:51,915
Ziggy over there,
he's never even met his kid.
988
01:28:52,124 --> 01:28:55,794
Eddy... Let's just hope
none of them write a book about him.
989
01:28:56,920 --> 01:29:00,299
Tell me, have you gone on vacation
and left your child home?
990
01:29:03,552 --> 01:29:04,845
No.
991
01:29:05,596 --> 01:29:08,390
But I did leave one
at a funeral parlor once.
992
01:29:09,141 --> 01:29:12,311
Yeah, it was terrible too.
I was all distraught and everything.
993
01:29:12,519 --> 01:29:16,565
The wife and I, we left the little
tyke there in the funeral parlor.
994
01:29:16,773 --> 01:29:20,319
All day. You know, we went
back at night, when we...
995
01:29:20,527 --> 01:29:22,654
...came to our senses,
there he was.
996
01:29:22,821 --> 01:29:25,866
Apparently, he was there
all day with a corpse.
997
01:29:26,867 --> 01:29:30,037
Now, he was okay.
You know, after six, seven weeks.
998
01:29:30,245 --> 01:29:32,623
He came around
and started talking again.
999
01:29:33,916 --> 01:29:36,793
They get over it.
Kids are resilient like that.
1000
01:29:37,002 --> 01:29:38,629
We shouldn't talk about this.
1001
01:29:38,837 --> 01:29:40,631
I was just trying to cheer you up.
1002
01:29:40,839 --> 01:29:42,883
I'm sorry I did.
1003
01:30:08,033 --> 01:30:09,117
Mom?
1004
01:30:14,122 --> 01:30:15,290
Mom?
1005
01:31:05,549 --> 01:31:06,842
Kevin!
1006
01:31:39,458 --> 01:31:41,418
Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
1007
01:31:50,302 --> 01:31:52,805
Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry.
1008
01:32:11,824 --> 01:32:13,617
Where's everybody else?
1009
01:32:14,326 --> 01:32:16,245
Oh, baby, they couldn't come.
1010
01:32:16,453 --> 01:32:17,579
They wanted to so much...
1011
01:32:17,830 --> 01:32:22,084
I didn't fall asleep in the back
and drool all over you, did I?
1012
01:32:22,292 --> 01:32:24,503
- You do drool!
- Shut up!
1013
01:32:27,297 --> 01:32:30,259
Kevin, my boy. How are you?
1014
01:32:30,968 --> 01:32:32,594
You're all right.
1015
01:32:33,053 --> 01:32:34,221
I love you. You okay?
1016
01:32:38,934 --> 01:32:41,436
It's cool that you didn't
burn the place down.
1017
01:32:43,897 --> 01:32:45,399
Thanks, Buzz.
1018
01:32:46,900 --> 01:32:48,902
Wait a minute.
How'd you guys get home?
1019
01:32:49,111 --> 01:32:51,572
On the morning flight you didn't
want to wait for.
1020
01:32:51,780 --> 01:32:54,825
- Oh, no. Oh! Thank you.
- Merry Christmas.
1021
01:32:55,075 --> 01:32:56,451
Merry Christmas.
1022
01:32:56,994 --> 01:32:59,037
Someone has to find an open store.
1023
01:32:59,246 --> 01:33:00,789
I went shopping yesterday.
1024
01:33:03,292 --> 01:33:04,835
You, shopping?
1025
01:33:05,043 --> 01:33:07,713
I got some milk, eggs
and fabric softener.
1026
01:33:09,506 --> 01:33:11,300
- What?
- No kidding?
1027
01:33:11,508 --> 01:33:13,218
What a funny guy.
1028
01:33:13,385 --> 01:33:15,471
What else did you do
while we were away?
1029
01:33:16,472 --> 01:33:18,682
Just hung around.
1030
01:33:20,684 --> 01:33:22,060
Bring your stuff upstairs.
1031
01:33:22,269 --> 01:33:26,565
He went shopping? He doesn't know how
to tie his shoe. He's going shopping?
1032
01:33:52,341 --> 01:33:53,842
Honey, what's this?
1033
01:34:49,857 --> 01:34:53,110
Kevin! What did you do
to my room?
1034
01:34:57,906 --> 01:35:26,685
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