Original subtitles

Where are you off to? No, not that way.

That's it, just try. Look, there's a good-looking gift for you.

Get on with it.

Crazy thing, eating his own tail. You're supposed to walk backwards.

- You've put too much salt in. - It's all right.

- Have you put the beer in? - No, we'd better save some to drink.

- I'll put some in, then. - Leave it.

I'll see to the crayfish and the drinks. You see to your own affairs.

Never get married.

Must you keep these in the bath?

Is that where you found it? Stick it in the pot.

- Are there many left? - Too many.

- Give me a hand, will you? - Sure.

- What were you quarreling about? - Seasoning the crayfish, this time.

- Do you have to do it like that? - You can't put them to sleep first.

PORTRAITS OF WOMEN

For myself and the whole Finnish nation-

- it's an honor to welcome the long-lost lamb back to the fold

Finland is becoming a boring place.

She has been the fortress of Western morals for long enough

Now the whole nation's gaze is upon you-

- trusting that as an upstanding Finn you will stick to your guns.

Now, at this welcome-home party let us recall your own words:

This country cannot be built up on wage agreements-

- but on an unrelenting, purposeful output of pornography.

Pertti, welcome back to the land of your forefathers. Cheers!

- Isn't Kalle coming, then? - I've come alone.

Good evening. Nice to meet you. I'm Pertti.

Saara Suominen.

I'll get you some whisky.

Here you are. Cheers.

I never drink distilled liquor only wine.

Here we are, then. Welcome.

I'd better take this plate away.

Well, let's go and sit at the table.

- If you would like to sit here. - You sit there next to Pertti.

Very festive.

- Let me just fasten your napkin... - Thank you.

Right, then.

Now some beer and this stuff.

- Here's a nice big boy for you. - No, I want to have a female.

I'll have this one myself, then. Thanks.

Well, here's a female. Look, no sex organs at all.

- No schnapps for you? - No, no.

I'd like some.

- Certainly. What about you? - Go on, pour me some.

- Is that enough? - More.

- Drink up, then, Liisa. - All right. Welcome.

- Cheers and all that. - Saara, come on.

This one fellow ate the crayfish, shell and all-

-and they had to drill him open.

All together, then. A toast to friendship.

- OK, down the hatch. - Jussi is always so amusing.

- Why haven't I got a bib like that? - Jussi's got something on his mind

Give me your serviette. I haven't got a bib or a napkin or anything.

You should have asked Saara.

Hey, let's have another. We're just babbling here.

- You've had one too many already. - Come on, drink up, now.

The way it goes in this house is:

If your wife says you can't drink no more

Just drink, just drink

And says you can't even think no more

Just think, just think

Don't let your household be tom by strife

Just go out and get yourself a better wife

And drink and revel and drink and revel and drink and revel and drink

- What does he do? - Who, Pertti?

- Pom films in America or something. - Is he going to make some here?

- What are the women gossiping about? - Men.

Have you had it off with Saara?

I don't like that hard-boiled type.

- Here we are. - Drink that up first.

What are the women talking about in there?

Don't you know what women talk about when they get together'?

Sure. Cunt and cock.

- They're talking about you. - No, you.

You're such an old goat.

I don't know that Pertti is so hard-boiled.

I suppose you prefer men like Jussi.

What are you getting at?

- Hey, we're go dancing. You coming? - No.

Why not? Can't we go somewhere? For a drink.

- You would never get in - Sure I would.

- It'd be really great... - What would be great?

- To go... dancing. - You don't get it.

- Couldn’t we...? - No.

Give me a break. What on earth could we have in common?

We might have lots in common. There's always something.

Sit still. Be quiet.

- Come on, now... - Are you always like this?

- Are you always like this? - Yes!

- I just want to be left alone. - How can all Finnish women be so...?

I said sit still!

Go to the station and pick somebody up there.

- That's very kind of you. - You came back pretty quickly.

- Don't need to bother with the bed. - Are you out of your mind?

Stop it.

Jussi will wake up. I really must go now.

Pertti, you're crazy. Stop it.

Stop it, Pertti.

- Can't I have a kiss? - A kiss? No, really.

For Christ's sake, I've got to get to bed.

Good night.

Go to bed. In your own room.

I've told you I'll pay for everything but your booze.

Let's talk it over. The night goes faster when you talk.

Oh, you'll get to work on time, to your gasworks to make your gas.

I'm leaving. It's time to get away from this filth.

If you can't manage on what you get from the gasworks-

- ask your rich relatives for help. I can't stand your eternal shirking

I'm a free, new Saara.

If I have a man, it's just for copulation, pure and simple

You go your own way!

Pertti.

Are you asleep?

Good night.

Bloody hell!

Where am I?

Here. At Liisa and Jussi's.

- How do you feel? - Terrible.

There's tea and coffee and painkillers in the kitchen.

- Which do you want? - Give me a cigarette.

- Hi. Any beer left? - Beer'?

Have some milk, for heaven's sake.

- I don't feel like eating this. - Put it somewhere. They disgust me.

You had too much to drink last night, didn't you?

Any complaints, eh?

- You haven't shaved either. - So what?

- Shouldn't you be off? - Yep.

Funny gift, that Saara. Is she a housewife?

No, she teaches biology at the school where I teach gym.

Biology?

She acts funny. Are Finnish women always like that?

- What do you mean? - Well...

- Could you eat a couple more crayfish? - Yes.

We've sat like this before, even when Jussi was here.

Do you want some Alka-Seltzer'?

You've changed for the better, you know.

"Alka-Seltzer must always be dissolved in water..."

No, really, you've changed for the better.

- I'll get you some. - Believe me.

Thanks.

That feels better.

Listen...

Do you want some more coffee?

I know what I would like very, very much...

- Did someone just go past? - No, they didn't.

- Don't ever tell... - No.

Jussi never makes love to me, expect when he's really drunk.

It must be years since we were really close to each other, you know.

I haven't given up hope, though.

I don't think eroticism is all that important in a marriage.

At the moment it's important.

I was lying in bed thinking about you.

Saara give you the brush-off, then, did she?

Yes.

- Couldn’t we...? - Mummy!

- We want something to eat. - What would you like?

- A ham sandwich. - And milk.

All right, come into the kitchen.

You can make your own sandwiches

Liisa!

Was the front door open?

We can talk here.

We just had a bit of a row last night.

I'm leaving Kalle, even though he did work himself up to hitting me at last.

Oh, brother.

- Do you really think that's good? - Yes.

- For Christ's sake. - Don't you?

No.

What are they grinning at?

And shots against the light Oh, Christ.

Produced to please the critics. Dear, oh, dear.

You really are behind the times.

An air mattress!

I didn't think people were still making crap like this.

And you think you'll capture the export market with this kind of stuff?

That's all we need. A shot of some lovely reeds.

What are we going to do with crap like this?

But what can we do when we have no themes, no actors, no performers-

-and finally no filmmakers?

This is so bad that it's not worth doing anything with

- What do you want me to do? - Get some life into the film.

This is just crap. Christ!

And the bra...

You need some real, live love. Not this soppy rubbish.

Bloody hell.

I mean, we have pornographic publications-

- and people get some pleasure out of those.

But we don't want that.

We want real life and sex, togetherness, that sort of thing.

We'll have to find some new actors. Where do we find them?

And then I bet the camera pans up to the sun.

That's just it. Where do we find the actors?

Hell, I suppose that young couple would do...

Not bad at all.

All right, then. That's enough.

- Do you have any more cognac? - Sure.

We should show the Finnish people and other nations-

- that the Finnish love film is not just a vain hope-

- but a completely new stage in the history of Finnish culture.

Thanks. Wonderful new pictures.

- May I smoke? - Of course.

What did you want to see me about?

- Why did you fail me? - You saw the test papers

I couldn't help it if you only got one right out of seven.

Some guys know much less than me and yet they still passed. Why?

Why? Because you're having it off with them

You're getting up to things with them outside of school.

Everybody knows. We know a lot more about your private life.

The guys reckon boys gets on better with you if...

- If what? - They say you're a nymphomaniac.

- What do you say to that, eh? - What are you getting at?

Sit down, please.

Well, this is not quite the usual love story.

- It's handled in a modem way. - ls there nudity in it?

- Brandy or cognac? - No, thanks. I don't drink.

Well, now, you know Adam and Eve didn't wear clothes.

Would I have to show my breasts?

They're nothing to be ashamed of.

That's not the point. As an actress, I never strip.

Only privately, eh?

You'd better look for somebody else for this part.

Don't be ashamed of your body.

I want to make serious political films.

Don't they screw in political films?

- Everything all right? - Your film should be banned

Good riddance.

- Did you get Pertti up? - What?

- Did you get Pertti up? - Yes, I got him up.

You might pick your clothes up yourself some time!

It's a mess in here and Saara came with more things.

I'm fed up of her whims

Today she told me that some boys think she's a nymphomaniac.

Not that I'd be surprised if she was She's had affairs all over the place

- What do you mean by that? - Nothing. Don't drop it on the ?oor.

Is Saara coming to stay, or what?

Not as long as your dear friend Pertti is here

Yeah, well, I've seen the film you made out on the islands.

What was it called again? "Summer Love."

- It was pretty bad. - Hell, it was crummy.

I thought it was crap.

Would you be prepared to make a rather different kind of film?

I mean a more frank depiction of love, a more intimate-

-in a way, a more frank view of love?

- Sure, we can make a pom film. - No, I didn't mean a pom film.

Of course you did, but it's not worth making a film about love any more.

We should make quite a different kind of film.

All right, everyone. Take it easy.

Everything will be all right

You've been away for so long. I'll show you the new Helsinki.

- These streets haven't changed a bit. - No, even/thtog's changed.

Look at that car over there.

- Which cal'? - That one.

This statue here is one of the latest achievements in Finnish sculpture.

It symbolizes peace, by the way.

You could break that peace with a good saw.

- What can you see from up there? - Helsinki.

And there's more this way.

Why are the ?ags out? In my honor'?

Ask Parliament. They know all the answers

Some friends of mine live here. Let's pay them a visit.

Let's not.

- What did we come here fol'? - To see the new Helsinki.

- But it hasn't changed a bit. - New oil tanks.

Don't you have any better sights to offer'?

The market square, cars, lamp posts, cars, more cars.

- Where are we going now? - For a drink.

Taxi!

Well, did you enjoy your tour of Helsinki?

It was very interesting. I learnt a lot about you.

- Where did you get those? - From a shop.

- But you didn't buy anything. - No, I lifted them.

- They're not worth anything. - No.

- I do it for the thrill. - What?

It's more fun to go into a store and lift some bits and pieces-

- than to go around with a man, for instance. Men lack the thrill.

They're so boring. In fact, I don't like men.

Women, for example, are much more sympathetic.

They're frank and honest.

- It's illegal. - What's illegal?

Your own work's illegal You make pom films.

- Who said so? - Liisa.

Pom films! I make films about love.

Well, it was very nice being with you and doing the tour and all that.

How about we move on?

- A pity you have to go. - No, I'll pay the bill and then we...

I'm in rather a hurry, but it was nice... I'll take this as a souvenir.

- Hi. - Hi.

Nice boots.

- I can't stand things any longer. - What things?

Jussi wandering in and out without a clue what's going on.

- What do you mean, going on? - Our affair.

Are we having an affair'? You made me promise not to tell.

This isn't Liisa's coffee.

Why don't we talk to Jussi about it all first-

- and then let him choose between me and Saara?

Don't you have any choice yourself?

As things are, I can't choose. I don't even know whose child I'm expecting.

- I can't see anything. - It doesn't show yet.

I just feel it. I'm absolutely positive.

- But it was only... - Yesterday.

- You're awfully short-sighted. - Yes, I am a bit.

Well, that explains a lot.

How are you going to get anywhere with this lot?

Improvising, you know. Young people are so clever these days.

You can leave it all up to them. They make up the story, too.

You just need some good young performers, that's all.

Have to do things in a new way. You don't even need a story.

Can you bring that bag?

- Thanks. - Here.

- Hell, we can't film here - Why not?

Out in the bushes, against the light, bloody reeds and all.

- Where should we film it, then? - At the studios.

Stop moaning. You've got a bloody great setting here.

Liisa!

- Hi. - Hi.

What's up now?

Is Pertti still here?

He went off to the islands to make a pom film or something.

Are you sure he's making a pom film?

He's up to something pornographic, that's for sure.

It's just that I can't stand things as they are any longer.

I'm not going back to Kalle and I can't stand the boarding house.

This weekend's all right, I can go to the country.

Do you think by the time I come back Pertti might have left?

What would you do on a lovely island like this?

Get the sauna ready, perhaps?

- Maybe later. - Later'?

- Perhaps you'd go fishing? - No.

Maybe Ulla would make a stew or something first.

- What do you mean by that? - What would you do?

- Make love. - Make love? Right away?

- But that's no story. - No, it isn't.

I can't think of anything else.

How about starting with a political discussion?

- It's a feature of our times - Sure it is.

Is your crappy pom film a feature of our times?

I want the film to appeal to people from all walks of life-

-all generations and all nations.

If you're just going to make love and that's all-

- then we'll have to work on getting the right feel, place, and time.

Let's talk things over.

A political angle would be a good idea.

But what about the love-making scene?

- They say... we've got to strip off. - No bloody way.

- You've got to. - Then I want a raise.

Are they screwing already?

What the hell are you doing? We were just messing about.

Afternoon, miss. Riding a bicycle on the motorway is against the law.

What am I supposed to do now?

We'll just have to take you and your bike along with us.

- Is that all right? - Fine.

- Where's the screw? - In your pocket.

Come out of there, would you?

Good, great, great.

Look, move the camera that way.

Heads a bit higher. No, lower. Right a bit.

I'll pan a bit.

A bit lower, that's it.

- Now we can see... - I can't see a thing.

- But he's not... - Hard.

- Well, how about... - This is a bit...

- Hey, I didn't ask for sixty-nine - Neither did I.

- What are you doing here? - It's no good.

- Maybe I could screw her. - Sure! What are we going to do?

- I'm stiff as a board. - I wouldn't mind myself.

No, you don't.

I'll screw the girl and you can have fella.

Hell, we can't wait around all night.

This is ridiculous.

What's going on now? Start the camera.

Hey, Pertti, get out of the picture.

What's she sucking?

- This is more like it. - Do you think so?

- No. - Go on, pan a bit.

Shit, it's the same thing all over again.

- Where's his cock? - There, look.

It's so small.

- How's that, then? - A bit more like it.

I'll take a close-up now.

- She's got a nice little bum. - Yeah, but it's getting a bit tedious.

Oh, now look...

He's coming.

Now they've had enough.

Hey, Ulla, do you want a sandwich?

- Any good, do you think? - Hell, you were there. I'm worried.

Bring Ulla a sandwich, for Christ's sake.

Ulla, a sandwich will liven you up.

- A raise and... - Good, ham. Take it to Ulla.

- Ulla, honey... - Just put it over there.

Do you screw often, you and Sven?

- Are you jealous? - No.

- Sure you're not jealous? - No, I'm not jealous.

- You sure? - Yes, yes, not a bit.

- We've got to think up a follow-up. - What kind of a follow-up?

I don't know. You think of one.

- We could have an affair. - Indeed. Shall we meet in Helsinki?

- When? - When we've done filming

- Am I interrupting something? - No, no, go ahead.

Shit, there's no fish in this sea.

I think I'll be moving out soon.

The film will be ready next week, so...

There's no hum; as far as we're concerned.

I've told Liisa so much about you you're almost like family.

That's very nice.

But you know what? I'm a bit worried about Saara.

She's always shooting her mouth off.

She tries to convince Liisa that there's been something between us.

- Hasn't there been? - Well, yes, but it was so long ago.

I don't think such ancient history should be dragged up again.

Anyway, it's you Saara is interested in.

Me? She's neurotic.

I don't know. She's has her moments

She's been a bit off balance with all her problems. Particularly Kalle

Listen, she's a nymphomaniac. She's as mad as they come.

But isn't that the kind you go fol'?

Why should I like nymphomaniacs just because I make films about women?

- I can't screw them all. - Can't you?

For one thing I have no reason to and for another I'm not that interested.

I like women, sure, but not all of them.

Mad women cling to you like leaches, like an octopus. It's horrible.

Afternoon. Fine horse you've got there

Could you help me? I need to get to... What's the name of the place?

Is it over that way?

- And then left or right? - Left.

Good. Thank you very much.

Shit.

What are you doing here?

I came to see you.

- Why? - I thought it would be fun

Hang that up.

- I can't. - Can't hang up a net?

Why come out to an island if you can't do even that? It's easy

Okay, I'll try.

You can have something to eat before you go.

I wouldn't mind some chicken salad or something light.

There's only fish and potatoes. The hoe and bucket are over there.

- Do you want some coffee? - Thanks.

Nice place, this. Fine pine trees, fish.

Pretty those reeds over there, and the juniper.

I suppose I'd better be getting back to town.

Well, you can stay the night if you want.

- I can't sleep - Why not?

- Do you want something to read? - That might do the trick.

- What have you got? - Birds of the North and a ?ora.

- In color'? - Yes. Do you want a drink?

I had a nightcap in the kitchen.

I can't sleep alone under the same roof as you. I'd better go back.

I don't want to sleep alone either.

Morning service from Lemi church is just beginning.

- What are these? - Portraits of women.

- What are you doing with them? - Working.

You don't need that sort of thing. You should have blinkers.

I want to be the one and only.

- That's not possible. - Of course it is.

But this isn't the first time I've been in this position.

No, and it won't be the last time either.

But you could manage with just one person.

I'm going fishing. Screw you!

We'll build our house here!

- What about a bathroom? - Bathroom? The sea's over there.

But a kitchen, a bathroom...

There's your bathroom This is our bed!

You mustn't stand up in bed. Sit down.

- How do you like this soft mattress? - It's so isolated here.

Isolated? But I'm here.

- But nobody else. - We don't need anybody else.

I'd like to spend a whole year here alone with you.

It's such a long way to town.

- That doesn't matter. - Work.

It's much too quiet here, too remote. Stones, the unchanging sea-

- the seasons all alike, no people around you.

I don't like it. I'm an active person I need other people around me.

That's how I like to work.

- There's no changing me. - Of course you can change.

I'll change you.

People change, begin to resemble each other.

Soon you won't want to go back to town.

- I was born in the town. - But I'm here and you love me.

It's that way.

Tomorrow we'll find a ?at.

A big one. You've got the time, haven't you?

- I've got a busy day tomorrow. - Never mind. I've got the time.

We need at least four or five rooms.

And then we'll go to Stockmann's and get a great big bed.

They've got a bed there that's like a display bed.

Five children and eight dogs and twenty-six guinea pigs and...

- Good night. - Listen...

- Have you done any reading? - Yeah, I have.

Just recently I read a thick book, The World History of Dirty Jokes

Bullshit.

- Now what? - Good night. Go on, read a while.

"A person who is pure in mind cannot be shocked."

"if something shocks a person"-

- "this thing is of compulsive interest to him"-

- "but he represses his interest and reacts by taking of fence."

"The word 'thigh' shocked Victorian women."

"They were abnormally interested in things to do with thighs..."

- How were things in the country? - Fine.

- I was scouting for film locations - Find any good ones?

- Is Liisa still asleep? - Yep. We'll have to be off soon.

- Any eggs? - There's one left.

Get a move on. I'm in a hurry.

Can't I even drink my coffee?

Pertti.

Hello.

- What do you think you're doing here? - We're together.

- You and who? - Pertti and I.

Christ, you never know who you're going to find in here.

Of course not.

I didn't know that Pertti would come to see me and that I'd fall in love.

I'm sure you didn't. Listen, what are you after'?

- I'm going with Pertti. - Where?

London, Paris, Rome, Kenya, Libya-

- Tokyo, Greenland, anywhere, as long as we're together.

Go to the moon, for all I care. But do you realise what you're doing?

You know nothing about Pertti. He's got a gift in every port.

- Pertti loves me. - Yeah, for one night.

- He can't keep his hands off women. - You can change overnight.

For Christ's sake. You've got to get more of a sensual throb in it.

This has to get past the censor. Do your own bloody effects, then!

- Where can we get some more shots? - What?

We haven't got any performers.

I can do the effects, even without performers.

If a gill's got a bare cunt and a boy's got a hard-on-

- it's not enough just to titillate with a lot of panting.

They both come. We need something else.

I'd better strip off. Let's get some real people to do the screwing-

- not just miserable pom sound effect-makers like this lot.

- This is ordinary pine, I suppose. - It's Canadian pine. Much better.

Here's the balcony. This way, please.

- It's so big. - It's very nice in the summer.

You get the afternoon sun from midday onwards.

Just a little table and a couple of chairs here.

So this is our world-famous Finnish architecture?

Something we can all be proud of.

What's this accordion wall fol'?

You can make a nice, intimate little alcove here.

- Aren't there any separate rooms? - Certainly, off the corridor.

- Can you open the windows? - Of course.

Here we have a ventilation window with fixed handles.

Then that window there is very practical in spite of its size.

Then we have the kitchen here. I'll go on ahead.

- Is this a storeroom? - This is the dining alcove.

- It's all natural wood. - Here we have the kitchen.

- This is nice. - They are often rather small,

but this one is spacious and well-planned.

Plenty of room and cupboards on both sides.

- A fridge is standard nowadays. - Let's take this one.

- It's the right size. - Can't we find something better'?

No, we can't. You can choose whichever room you like as a study.

And that dreadful estate agent on top of everything else.

Blabbing away all the time.

- There's a second entrance. Here... - This is a dreadful corridor.

It's a bit dark, but the rooms are neatly arranged.

- These are quite spacious. - And here's the sauna.

- Lovely. - What's this?

This is a bedroom. It's the coolest comer of the building.

We can have the bed in here.

- What's this cupboard? - It's movable, intended for linen.

- You can decide where you want it. - How much?

This is a very good buy, only a hundred and sixty thousand.

A hundred and sixty thousand! Who's paying?

'Why, You. - Me?

That's peanuts for a pom merchant.

To be absolutely honest, you won't get a better deal than this.

- I don't want to go on with this - Why not?

We've been quarreling, Sven and I.

He doesn't want to go with me any more-

-not in front of the camera, anyway.

- Who could you do that scene with? - With someone I really like.

Now I really am convinced that Finnish women are quite mad.

- Find somebody else. - No, that won't do.

Let's take some booze with us and go to the island.

I'll help you. We can take a few quick shots.

- What exactly are we going to do here? - Yes, what are we going to do?

Let's do some of the more intimate shots.

Peter could go off and do some fishing. He can go and dig for worms.

We'll do the filming just the two of us.

I can manage the lighting just as well as Peter-

-and I'm a dab hand at filming.

- Where do we go from here? - Ulla and I have decided...

..that we'll do the filming and you can go fishing.

You've decided? What the hell...?

So you're going to do the filming and lighting yourself.

You can't even direct property. Bloody exploitative capitalist producer.

Christ, don't tell me you're going to act, too?

There are worms over there. Nice big juicy worms.

If you want a raise, you'd better go and dig up some worms.

- Got it? - Bloody dictator!

- I don't want to dig for worms. - Just go on now!

I don't even know how to fish!

Maybe it was a mistake to send Peter off digging for worms.

This is a bit tricky without him.

You go and get undressed and I'll try to put the camera up.

We never had such a small crew in New York.

There were always plenty of people around.

It's a tough life here in Finland-

-running around like a blue-arsed ?y.

Shit, are you ready?

Bloody hell!

I thought you could start the camera up yourself.

That knob up there, look.

This is a close-up. Make it look as if you're really enjoying it.

I'll go out. Take your time. Shout me when you're ready.

You just start it up and lie down there. I'll come when you call.

- They're not biting. - How's the film going?

Not good. The fool's gone inside all by himself.

I'm worried. He's so old-fashioned. Such a square.

He hasn't a clue about modem film-making.

- I hope it's not getting too indecent. - That doesn't really matter but...

Pertti!

- What's up? - Look, this is no good.

In that case... Catch anything, Peter'?

Now, this is a good place for it.

It'll get air and light. Don't forget to water it. What are you...?

It's draughty there!

So you didn't go with Pertti after all?

- Isn't he here? - No, he went off filming

I see... So could you water them a couple of times a week?

If it's not asking too much.

I'll be off now, and then I'll bring some more stuff later on.

You have some of those fertilizer cubes, don't you?

It's really good of you to look after my plants like this. Bye! Must run!

We've got the fine combination of your great film-making skills-

-and my modem view of the cinema.

But I'm a bit worried. It seems you've fallen between two pom stools.

- A kind of gap? - Yes, damn it.

Now, if the gap starts closing up, if the lips of the gap...

But can't different generations shake hands across the gap?

Those lips that start closing up...

Now where's that gilt got to?

- Hi. - Hi. Now look...

We must be able to get those shots.

- I'm no actress. - I know you're not.

But surely you can put on some kind of act-

- fake it enough to make it look as though you're enjoying it.

Films shouldn't be faked. They're meant to be real.

That's true. How would it be if I lent a hand?

- Then you'd have to do it properly - OK.

Peter! Are you going to bed?

Look, Peter, we're going to...

Is that Peter'?

Is that...? Surely not.

Is that Peter out there?

No, surely not...

I'm starting her up now. Rolling!

Pertti, you're in the shot.

Pertti, get out of the shot!

Good. Pertti, you're in the way again.

Good, good.

No, Pertti.

Good. Once more with feeling.

Pertti, don't get carried away. Go down a bit lower.

That's good. Now your watch is in the shot

Pertti...

Out of the way, Pertti. Lower.

Good.

Bloody hell, there's a motor boat coming.

A motorboat? Just a minute, sorry.

- Is it the police? - Police?

- Hum, up. I bet it's the police - Don't rush me.

Hey, don't forget this. And your trousers.

- What are you doing here? - Filming.

- I've found us a ?at. - Oh, have you?

- Sven, let's never part again. - We'll see.

- I want to see how you make the films. - Bring all the gear!

Quick!

- What took you so long? - There's so much gear. Sony

- We're in a hum; - I've got your bra

And here's the brandy.

- I'm coming, I'm coming. - Frigging twit!

Why come here to make your filthy films?

You'd do much better to go away and leave us alone.

You exploit your friends to make pornography.

I was just trying to make a film about love, about being together-

-to help humanity... and Finland.

You degrade everything that's beautiful in love.

I bet you'd like to act in your filthy films, too

I'll never make pom films again!

I'll never make...pom

What the hell are you shouting about in here?

What are you doing on the ?oor'?

- What time is it? - About seven. Where have you been?

At some nightclub, awfully late, with big, fat-bellied waitresses.

Why has she changed so much, never saying a word?

What's happened? We had fun together in the country-

-and we've...met here, too.

She?! come for a car ride and eat cakes at a cafe.

She's got some great secret that she can't reveal yet.

To heh' with it, HI take her home

Where can I get hold of Saara?

She's a bit...eccentric too.

- Liisa told me everything - About what?

- About your affair. - We haven't had an affair.

- Yes, you have. Liisa's pregnant. - That's not true.

What's more, I've got your notebook.

It's got all my business addresses in it.

Business addresses? "Isabella, 336969."

"Anna-Liisa Pitkaniemi, quite good-looking."

"Berit Kallson, nice shape, 307863."

"Marina Blotnov, does everything, Moscow

So what? Like I said, they're extras.

You can't come in here. And you can't smoke either.

Not only do you sleep with my friends but with every woman you meet.

Since you've been here, you've collected 38 names and addresses

-with distinguishing features.

"Luscious shape, plump bottom, lovely breasts!"

You pornographer, you!

I know what goes on on those filming trips. You make love!

- I'm behind the camera. - And no-one's in front of the camera.

And then you think that I'm going to marry you and start a family.

As far as I'm aware, nobody's mentioned marriage.

Put that cigarette out. Love me.

This room hasn't been cleaned yet.

I'm just showing this foreign friend, Mr. Brown, round the school.

- I love you. - Why are you talking such rot, then?

Come here.

- There's no room. - Yes, there is.

- Where are we going? - Don't ask questions. Come on.

...Marriage, which joins a man and a woman for lifetime-

- and on which the continuity of our society is based.

In the presence of these witnesses, I ask you, Sven Alarik Petterson-

- do you take this woman, Ulla Magdalena Carlson-

- to be your lawful wedded wife, to love her in sickness and in health?

I do.

In the presence of these witnesses, I ask you, Ulla Magdalena Carlson-

- do you take this man, Sven Alarik Petterson-

- to be your lawful wedded husband, to love him in sickness and in health?

As you have answered in the affirmative-

- I hereby declare you man and wife.

Remember always that a married couple should show each other-

-fidelity, love and respect-

- and jointly, each supporting the other, act for the good of the family.

Try to preserve harmony and mutual trust in your home.

Congratulations.

- Could you let me have some money? - We've paid you.

I didn't mean that. I meant...the marriage certificate.

OK, we'll pay for that, too, even though we're already paying for lunch.

We still have enough for that, too.

Whatever was there back there that's making me sneeze so much?

What are you going to do now that you're married?

We thought we'd come and join you in London and do some filming.

Is this banana cake? I'm allergic to bananas.

Allergic to bananas?

It was the registry office that started me sneezing like this.

- May I talk to you for a minute? - Excuse me.

"Anyone who publicly engages in an act which is against sexual decency"-

- "shall be punished by fine or by imprisonment."

Clause 14, paragraph 20 of the Criminal Justice Act.

You're being summoned, and me and that young couple.

It was that old bag on the tram It's all her doing.

You'd better go abroad right away I've got a ticket ready for you.

Take as much of the film with you as you can.

- We're being sued for indecency. - What?

I don't mind going to prison with Sven.

I'd rather go with your mother.

I don't want to share a cell with you, that's for sure.

- Now, let's get a move on. - Right.

Goodbye. Thanks for all your help.

Ulla... What?

- Come on! - Bye.

- Goodbye. The bill's taken care of. - Yes, I'll see to that.

Listen...

Just a couple of things...

- Keep an eye out for the summons. - Same to you.

- What are you doing here? - Where's Pertti's room?

One, two, one, two, one, two, faster, faster.

- Where's Saara? - How should I know?

Good, girls. Now stop

- I have to leave the country. - That's good.

Now tum the other way and the same again, only faster.

- One, two, one, two. - Yes, I've got to leave.

Good. We can have the library back. We need it for a nursery now.

- Fine and then stop - Who's the father'?

The father'? Now girls, running again Faster, one, two...

- One, two. Who's the father'? - Jussi, of course.

- Are you sure? - Anything else is out of the question.

Good, then stop. Thank you.

Now lift your arms above your heads and walk round calmly-

-taking deep breaths all the while.

Breathing calmly, walking slowly.

And then stop.

- Hi. Got the ticket? - Here.

- What's all that? - Woman’s clothes and films...

Where's the suit? The one in the cupboard?

There was only a woman's suit in the cupboard.

For Christ's sake.

- I'll call you. - You do that.

- Thanks for everything - Oh, damn it.

I almost forgot the marriage certificate. Goodbye.

You can see the films at a later date. Bye, then!

- Are you looking for someone? - Yes, you.

- Me? - Here you are.

- A summons? - A summons.

And here's one for you, too.

- You can't summons us. - We're married.

Can you prove it?

Pertti. Pertti!

Pertti!

Oh, darling! I've been looking for you everywhere.

- How did you get away in term time? - I just left. Got a substitute.

I've left the school, left everything I'm coming with you.

I'll defend you. Have you been summonsed a lot?

- Only in Helsinki. - I love you.

That's nice. How did you get away, though?

- Where's your cabin? - Two decks down.

We can go and rest there.

- There are plenty of cabins. - I want to stay with you.

- Really? - And rest. Let's go.

Let's go now.

- Isn't it lovely? - Yes.

Hey, listen...

- What are you doing? - I'm just going out.

Do you see how much more important real love is than pornography?

Yes, yes, yes, Yes

Just a minute, I must go...

- What are you doing? - I'm just going to brush my teeth.

The negatives are still here.

- Let's make pornography together. - Yes.

Let's make love first. Can I take this nightdress off?

- It's got buttons. - Where? Here?

- Lower down? - Lower down.

- Higher. - Lower, still lower.

- Is it...? - Yes, darling

Our land, our land, our native land

Oh, let her name ring clear

No peaks against the heavens that stand

No gentle dales or foaming strand

Are loved as we our home revere

That earth our sires held dear

No peaks against the heavens that stand

No gentle dales or foaming strand

Are loved as we our home revere

The earth our sires held dear