Original subtitles

Most of the time when I tell people this story, they

tell me that they don't believe me and that I'm making

it up or that it's not true.

When I was younger, he was

amazing.

He he was just always there

for me when I needed someone.

You always hear about

Mass murderers and how terrifying they

are.

But you can never really imagine.

that

hurtful and harmful person to be

in the same house as you

I like that American country music.

I mean just the quietness and soothing I

mean, I don't know how many kind they are. There is just

one that I listen. It's just a background a country music. I listen to

that. It kind of relaxes me.

Oh the country music it seems to

me is coming from.

From the heart how you feel about the society or

the community wherever you live and to express

those feelings of in a

very simple and straightforward way.

I felt.

I became American I think after Maybe.

five years

After I learned that language, I was in school. I had

the second child born. I became

very comfortable with my life.

I felt as in

America probably early on and

the community also embraced me without any

hesitation.

I came to men see

in 1986 as a refugee.

I was living in the refugee camp

in Pakistan due to the Soviet invasion and

Afghanistan.

Lived there for six years.

Then I got engaged with my husband there and then he

brought me five years later to the United States and

we got married in 86. I am

a family physician here in monsie, Indiana.

The pictures of my children are in each room.

I read my passion as my family. So I

tell my passion that I came by choice and I

appreciate appreciate the

Refuge status that I came as a refugee

and then I tell them they are my

family because if something happened to me, my family is

far away. There will be coming to my rescue.

How would people describe me I would

probably say that they would describe me

a strong and stubborn.

They would describe me as

a mom because my main goal

is to raise my daughter to be a

strong young woman

when I first met mag, there was no doubt

that he was a Jarhead one of

the things I loved about him was his commitment.

To ironically enough to his

country.

Mac and I had a long distance relationship for just

over a year.

I decided to introduce him to Emily I said this is

gonna be the deciding factor because if

she's not good mom's not good.

She wanted to make sure that I was gonna have a good

father figure in my life for later on

and so we moved to Muncie

altogether when I was five and he just

was my dad from there on.

Their relationship was very close. They like

to go a lot of different places together go fishing.

He let her drive his car.

We both called each other our road dogs, cuz

we were just go everywhere together and just hang out all the

time when I was really young. He was amazing.

How did killing people change you?

Never really told that.

I was like man.

That's fairly

Happy Kid.

My friends I like to run the streets.

in high school

I'd gotten in a lot of trouble. My biggest downfall is I was

involved in drugs both using and and selling it

made life harder on me.

School almost well, it did make school impossible.

I joined a Marines at 18.

I saw it as a respect.

My dad came from nothing.

big family poor

He had quit school.

Join the military and he did four

years in the Marine Corps.

By me joined in the military not only the military but the Marine

Corps and going through some of the same stuff. He went through

I figured I'd get his respect.

I didn't have it.

But I knew it would get me away from what I was doing.

I was in the military for a long time.

Around 25 years towards the

end of my military career.

I was a totally different person.

the fact of being involved

in so many deaths over years.

It was a crazy time man.

I don't even know.

I probably would have been committed.

If they would actually known.

the way I was acting

One time I had a discussion.

To hire ranking person about coping let

me straight in the eye.

Mac you're on the Range you're shooting at a paper Target.

As long as you can look at them as anything, but human

you won't have any problems. I sent

all okay, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah.

That's what I did.

I'm a

very family orientated person. I love family. I'm a

whims. So the Williams family go way back

here in Muncie.

My great great grandfather was lynched and

was castrated and

So I grew up this like towards white people.

It was so bad.

I was 21 years young long time

ago.

When I first came into the religion the community

was beautiful. I never experienced anything

like that, you know the closeness of

anything until I came to this community.

Story, I was told for starting the Islamic Center was that it was my

dad and two other Muslim brothers that were kind of

the the kickstarters of the of the

mosque and so an Afghan Assyrian in a

bingo and a Bangladeshi brother, you know that like that kind of unity to

start it to start a mosque through, you know from these

different walks of life different countries different Refugee stories

and to come together and create a mosque. So that's a beautiful thing.

my parents are

Mountain movers I would describe them as both come

from very very humble beginnings in Afghanistan.

It was really always an open door at our house.

Just anyone who needed a place to stay. I welcome

them to let Stay With Me from alwaks

of Life. They will come to our

house. I want to watch their clothes and clean their clothes and cook for

them. My dad calls my mom the Mother

Teresa of the Muslim Community and it's definitely true. She

really it's in her DNA to

just be that self-sacrificer to really put her like

everything on the line to make even one person's life

better.

Oh my God.

I think nine eleven changed me and

a lot of community members in a big way.

It was shocking. I couldn't believe

it. We were just as devastated as as

anybody else as any other American.

For me personally, it was very difficult to see that in the

United States.

As I say, you know, we have come from those country where

there was killing there were bombing and

just like you come here as you live

in a peace seeing there was very difficult for me

personally. I had some discrimination you can

tell when we went out people looked at

us a little bit differently people saw us a little bit differently.

Go back to your country that you have.

Tower on your head. Just making this remarks.

it really

hurts you.

When when I moved to Muncie, I started to notice some

things with his behavior that I

hadn't earlier. Usually when

he would talk about the things that happened. It

was when he would drink or he would

be really sad military career ended with

me getting injured.

And it started a cycle of events.

Lithium Monsey now, I

was being forced to see

people that I considered an enemy.

Every time I went out the door.

We would now go to Walmart and you walk

down the aisle and start to go down an aisle and I would see

a woman in hijab and would intentionally divert our

path.

his master

Is my country?

my city

got to the point where I just wanted to do harm

to them.

I guess I just held on to the hope, you know that being in

a loving relationship would help him move away

from the anger and the hatred that

he had. I never thought in a million years

that he would consider doing anything to

anyone.

I started thinking.

between

being drunk and sober

I was brainstorming how

Can I make this right?

My country's done with me, but I'm not done with it.

I would die for that cough.

gladly

as I came up with the point.

I said, okay.

Non-explosive expert by no means but I

knew enough to make a bomb.

You find a good place where I think I can get the most.

bang for my buck

my plan

was the detonate

and IED

right outside the Muncie Islamic Center

on a Friday afternoon.

When they were all gathered.

And I was hoping for at least 200 or more.

dead injured

at least that was my goal 200 more.

I knew I'd get caught my DNA's on

National Database. I was good with that. I wanted to

be in court. I wanted to make my statements. I wanted to

tell people. Yes, I did this.

There was this boy at my school and his

mom came to pick him up and she

was in this long dress with

long sleeves and a full head covering

that only showed her eyes, and I was really

confused by that because I had never seen that before and

I was wondering why I couldn't see anything of

her.

And I went home that day.

And told my dad about it and he flipped out

this little Muslim kid.

future terrorists

sat across from my daughter

I blew up.

at the end I actually went into my

room and just

broke down and cried

I let these people get close to my family.

I was just very confused and probably scared

of why he was just freaking

out over what this woman was wearing and

it just seemed so weird to me and strange

and I looked at

him like what are you going on about you crazy,

man, when I have a little girl sitting in

front of me looking at me like I'm crazy.

question

and man, I really I really love this guy or not.

This little girl's my world man.

And I can't have that happen.

I need her love.

So I said, okay.

I know. I'm right these people were killers.

And I knew that in order to be able to stand and

face my daughter.

About this about what I have planned.

I need to be able to show her proof. I need to be able to show the

rest of the world proof. So I went to

the Islamic Center to get the proof I wanna.

I didn't want to be with these people because if I walk inside this building,

I might not come out.

When I first saw him I was driving down the

street and then I was actually coming to the

Martian and when I saw him

he was walking kind of fast. His head was kind of

down kind of lower. You know, it's kind of red in the

face a little bit.

And the guy knew something was wrong.

so I walk in the building and all of a sudden it's like

I felt my stomach tighten up.

chest tighten up

I tried to keep my senses about me.

I got very anxious.

I didn't trust them.

I I considered myself somebody

as a a future news

story on Al Jazeera.

By the end of the night I figured they would have being the basement with a sword

of my throat.

he just

like this guy who had a lot on his

mind pacing back and forth.

I remember seeing this something not right with this guy.

He looks at me and I look at him.

He smiles.

And he said can I help you?

My first impression of seeing him.

I don't want to say like

it was let us scary.

I looked around thinking about my plan and actually

looked at individuals like

yep, he's gone.

He's gone.

my first impression of McKinney was

he seemed to be like a redneck.

So it was a support scary in

the beginning.

But he came to the Masjid and

he's like a guest also, so I

I couldn't help it except to hug

him and make him feel.

Not artificially from my heart that he is

welcome.

And he is part of us.

To this day. I still doesn't make any sense to me to this

day.

These people kill non-believers for sport. It's

what they do.

It's in her book.

He says it my feet.

He hugged my leg.

It's God doesn't know me.

Hug my leg.

That was pretty heavy.

They don't even know the truth.

That is one of my duty when he says Salam to somebody salaam what

that means to tell this

other person that you are safe for me. There will

be no danger for me.

I just wanted to die.

So I wanted.

I wanted the peace man.

I needed to stop the voices. I needed to stop the noise, and I

just wanted to peace.

Somehow I I believe that he was genuine.

And he has issue all of

us have issue in the military post-traumatic stress

syndrome, whatever that might be or some other thing and maybe he is

looking for a solution. He's looking for

a solution and if you can be a solution for him

for some of his stresses, why not? Why not

to be extra kind to him?

I comforted him.

I give him the attention.

I think that's the basic memory that

I have.

Not only just what Mac I would do this with

any guest.

These people were just plain old Pleasant.

Happy to be alive. Happy to be in America.

It's happy.

And more than happy to talk to me.

I personally believe that we need to

be kind to those people even more the people

like, you know, sometimes like they might

have some difficulty some concern some

stress

I personally believe that we should be more kind to

those than people who are successful who

are already know what they're doing.

He can't completely forgive himself.

the things that he did

what are you thinking about?

just how he

you know, he thought he was doing the right thing and

doing it for the right reasons and how much

he sacrificed and how much he suffered.

For the things that he was asked to do.

Actually when he came back, I was surprised to see him come back.

Yes, he came but not that same day, but he

came back like the next day and so forth.

Turned hanging around to my s*** more coming to

prayer.

You know coming to the dinners. I

think it was probably one of the first times in a while where he felt

like he was just a part of something like like that was bigger.

He probably had been missing that that part

of his life for a while.

We talk about his his wife. We'll talk about his daughter.

Talk about his his tours.

He had another countries. I thought they were very interesting because

he came from environment. He came

from environment where he was was killing Muslims. He

was at war with

Muslims right in his mind.

Right, so I was able to understand.

part of the

community are because he was

hugging the people that he wanted to choke.

The more time I spent around him the more I started to

change.

It's been so long in the military man. You know, I I

had this band a Brothers if you want to call it.

It was gone.

We've been disbanded. There's no

more.

It's funny. I had a dream that I was on the Range.

And I shot a paper Target.

And instead of just a whole being put in that

Target.

the target started bleeding

and I went down and I wiped off the blood.

wouldn't stop

The target would not stop bleeding blood was

just flowing from the target.

That's when

I really felt things were about to change.

It took eight weeks to change my mind. It took

eight weeks to remove all of that hatred all

of that planning all of everything.

out of my heart

I said I need to be Muslim.

I got off the bus one day from school and I

see all these people standing outside

my house in like FBI like

Coats and jackets and stuff like that. They were

looking for something and I didn't know that something

was

we went to the apartment where Mr. McKinney was residing at that point

in time went up to Mr. McKinney's door knocked on his

door and Mr. McKinney answered they came

and they questioned me they asked

if I mind if they would bring a bomb dog to the

house. Absolutely you come right ahead.

It has been disposed of it doesn't exist anymore.

We talked to him for a little bit longer. The FBI agent did

felt like Mr. McKinney wasn't really a credible threat at

that point in time that he wasn't going to

put anything into action at that point in time.

I never thought a million years. I I feel kind of

kind of foolish because I didn't recognize that

that was even a potential that he had. It's still

kind of hard for me to even wrap around my head that my

dad would have been known as

a mass murderer.

One of the members came to

me and asked me. Do you know the Richard

was planning to do this?

I cannot believe that this is what I heard.

That was the time. I invited him over for dinner.

And I asked him I say what in the

world.

Were you thinking?

Richer remember like being amazed like what he wanted

to do. What I remember asking. What was what was the

deal man? What was going on through your head? What would your problem man?

He didn't know anything better.

That's exactly what he said sister baby. What if

if I have met you meeting somebody like

you if I had that much understanding I would

have never thought about this.

You showed me the right way.

You showed me what true humanity is about just

put Islam aside for a second. You showed

me what true Humanity was about.

Go get up when when

Mack went to the mosque and the way he was treated

the way he was embraced. It did save his life it

saved.

the lives of the community

had they turned him away.

Had they treated him differently. It would

be a whole different story than what he

has to tell now. I love the man

back is a great man. Mike is a good person.

Now I have someone here who can who

will definitely protect us or something happened to us.

Great, I do see that as my little brother

and who came to the center and then

he needed that support.

So anyway, I appreciate everyone I just want you to know

that that each and every one of you even the ones that

are not here always be in my heart.

Thank you.

I could never

In a million years could never repay this

community what they've given me.

I see a lot of my actions now.

as

a making of amends

survive 30 second verse in

the Quran

to kill one human being

is as if you killed all of humanity.

but to save on human being

is as if you saved off Humanity.

I hope the day comes when I can forgive myself.

Maybe

Islam was definitely a positive.

positive change for Mac

and I support ultimately supported that change but

it wasn't, you know, it wasn't the right choice for

me.

Even though we're not married anymore.

I care about him.

I hope that he finds forgiveness for

himself.

And that he can be happy.

I love my dad. He's still an amazing dad. He

always likes to tell me dad jokes, which I absolutely

despise yet. I love at the same time, but I won't

tell him that.

you