Original subtitles

("Arthur's Theme" playing)

* Once in your life\N you find her *

* Someone that turns\N your heart around *

* And next thing you know\N you're closing *

* Down the town *

* Wake up\N and it's still with you *

* Even though you left her\N way 'cross town *

* Wondering to yourself *

* "Hey, what've I found?" *

* When you get caught\N between the moon *

* And New York City *

(scanner beeping)

* I know it's crazy *

* But it's true *

* If you get caught between\N the moon and New York City *

(beeping)

* The best that you can do *

* The best that you can do *

* Is fall in love *

(heavy metal music playing)

Hey, Ruby. Rube!

Yeah, I know, Mike.

"Staplehead."

Your hit.\N That was your hit, yeah?

This was it.

Mike:\N Fucking turn it up!

Ruby:\N You don't have to, alright.

Mike:\N Doxxxology.

Fuck yeah!

I had this on CD.

Back in the day.

My daughter tells me\N I'm too old to rock,

but I say bullshit.

I work with Ruby Ruin!

Respect you, lady.

-Hey, Victor.\N -Hey.

Tour time again.

You interested\N in some roadie work\N for a few weeks?

Man the merch table?

No. Sorry.

Man: (on PA)\N Ruby, you have a visitor

in the break room.

Hey. Uh, drummer, right?

Thanks for answering\N the ad.

I'm Ruby.

Yes, you are.

Wow.

This is ama--\N I'm Gavin.

Wow. Nice to meet you.

This is fucking amazing,\N dude, I'm...

Okay.

I've just been\N a diehard Doxxx fan

since I was, like,\N two years old.

Dude, this is\N fuckin' badass.

My mom said\N she'd catch me banging

my sippy cup to "Staplehead."

Just aaah!

Wow. That's--

Gavin:\N When I saw the listing

to be the drummer\N of Doxxxology

on fucking Craigslist,

I was just, just what,\N dude, fucking...

Alright, we leave Monday,\N a three-week tour,

mostly bars\N and small venues,

but it'll give us time\N to tighten up the act,

maybe write\N a few new songs,

'cause we end\N the tour in Milwaukee,

at the Lariat,\N opening for Krampus.

Holy shit, you're opening\N for Krampus.

Yo, that's,\N that's badass, man.

-Ruby: Yeah, it's a big deal.\N -But hey...

if you guys are looking\N to freshen up

your material at all,

I do a little bit of, like,\N writing of my own stuff--

And you got\N your own gear?

Yeah, I've got a TAMA kit\N with a double bass pedal

and a vintage amp,\N so everything you need.

Great. But wait, no,

what the fuck\N do you need an amp for?

I blow my backing vocals\N through my fuzz pedal,

and it gives it like this,

this crunchy,\N chewy, disgusting...

-(growling)\N -Good. Fine.

Fine. You're in.

-I'm in?\N -You're in.

Holy shit, dude.

Look at me now,\N motherfuckers!

This is gonna rock\N so fucking hard.

Thank you.\N Thank you so much.

I will not let you down,\N I promise you.

Alright, RV leaves Monday.\N I'll send you the deets.

Gavin, we're all\N in our 40s.

Just take a fucking bath.

Take a bath.\N Aaahhhh!

(Gavin laughs)

I'm not joking.

Okay.

* Living on\N discount macaroni *

* Can't even get a job\N with my uncle Tony *

* You sent your goons\N to repo my truck *

* What the actual fuck *

* I can play guitar\N and I'm a decent singer *

* Now cut my wedding ring\N off my dead finger *

* You say you wanna deal\N but you're such a phony *

* You're never gonna get\N that alimony *

Al! Al. God. Stop.

That's awful. God.

How's the divorce going, bro?

Not good.

The lyrics are temporary.

I just slug out\N whatever's in my head,

we can zhuzh it up later.

There's no zhuzhing.\N It's a turd.

I don't want to zhuzh\N the turd.

We have three weeks, man.

We got to come up\N with something that's going

to pop at this\N Krampus show.

What's the point?

They're just gonna want\N to hear "Staplehead."

The point, Eskie,\N is that I'm not ready

to lay down and die\N as some fucking nostalgia act.

Are you?

I just moved back in\N with my mom,

and I got my AARP\N membership this year.

So it's been\N a banner year for me.

And Al with his divorce.

It's not going well.

-And you think\N law school is gonna--\N -Eskie: Law school?

You think I can afford\N law school?

It's an online MSL degree.

I can't even afford\N to sell out.

It's desperate times, Rube.

Piling in this shitty van\N year after year

for the rest of our lives,

driving around\N playing Irish pubs.

I swear to Christ,\N I'm gonna start crying

I really think about it.

Ruby:\N The goal is not this.

The goal is to get back.

To have shit acts\N like Krampus opening for us.

That feeling on stage,\N the crowd,

do you remember that?

We're metal gods.

What would you do\N to get that back?

Anything.

-Anything.\N -Ruby: Anything.

We need to do this.

And all we need,

all we need is to write\N one new song

that doesn't suck.

I had a kind of a doomy\N sort of riff in A,

try this.

(playing riff)

That's not bad.

(laughter)

(woman talking on screen)

(laughter continues)

Geez, where'd you get\N this kid?

Juilliard.

Really?

Fucking Craigslist.

Where do you think?

That's wild.\N (laughing)

(strumming guitar)

Let's see if Cleveland rocks!

(tapping)

(heavy metal music plays)

So this tape line\N goes right here.

-Man: Okay.\N -Not here.

-Man: Mm-hmm.\N -And not here.

-Man: Okay.\N -So I, so I don't hunch.

-Man: Alright.\N -I got a sciatica.

-I can't hunch.\N -Okay.

Maggie May,

I ain't seen one\N of these since Foghat.

Battle Creek,\N show us your metal!

(tapping)

(heavy metal music playing)

-(laughter)\N -("Benson" theme song playing)

Fuckin' Benson, man.

Al:\N Two, three, and...

* Merch girl *

* Working all night *

* Merch girl *

* Fits me just right *

* Merch girl *

* Last one to leave *

* Merch girl *

* Nothing up\N her sleeve, yeah *

-Alright. Okay.\N -There's no bridge yet.

Fuck a bridge.\N What are we,\N Christopher Cross?

Just power through it.

What do you think?\N There's something there?

Deuteronomy, what do you think?\N Something there?

I got my audiobooks on.

Hey, kid,\N what do you think?

Why don't you guys just\N try to write another song

like "Staplehead"?

I mean, "Staplehead."\N That song is, um, good.

So just try and, you know...

make another song\N like that.

Why don't I just fucking\N traipse into the fucking forest

and capture\N a bejeweled fucking Pegasus?

That would be rad too.

Every second of every day,

I try and write a song\N like "Staplehead."

I remember the first time\N I heard it,

that feeling was like\N a needle made of ice

going into my brain.

Like seeing the face of God

and fucking God saying,

"That's what a fucking hit\N feels like."

I've been chasing that feeling\N for the past 20 years

and never come close.

"Staplehead"'s a fucking curse.

Ruby:\N That song ruined my life.

But the song is\N your big hit.

We didn't write it.

-What?\N -Yeah, we didn't\N fuckin' write it.

Our drummer Belinda did,\N and she gets all the royalties.

Now that bitch is selling\N leggings in the suburbs.

But you guys continue\N to play the song.

We have to every gig.\N Have to.

And when we're not on stage,\N we hear it everywhere.

And we don't get\N one red cent.

It's a fucking curse.

Fuck that, though.

Tonight, we open\N with "Merch Girl."

I got a feeling about this.

Two, three and...

(strumming)

* Merch girl *

* Nothing up\N her sleeve, yeah *

(lone person clapping)

We suck.

Hey,

aren't you the band\N that does "Staplehead"?

Play "Staplehead"!

No.

We're not playing "Staplehead."

(playing intro to "Staplehead")

* Up from the dust\N above the ruins *

* By fire *

* By flood *

* Atop my rusty chariot *

-* Lusting for your blood *\N -Woo!

* Staplehead *

* Tonight is where you rise *

* Staplehead *

* Tonight we rise *

* Staplehead *

(singing falsetto):\N * Tonight we rise *

* Staplehead *

-(crowd cheering)\N -Yeah! Fucking DeKalb, Illinois,

we love you!

Punk rock metal, baby.

Dude, are you okay?

-Yeah, man, I'm fucking good.\N -(cymbal crashes)

You little shit.

You ever steal\N my scream again,

I'll break more\N than your fucking face.

(siren wailing in distance)

Hey!

Drummer boy.

Krampus!

(evil laughter)

Jesus. It's inane.

This will get you popular\N these days,

this Jackass shit?

People love it.

Krampus Cam.\N They got Ozzy\N with that thing once.

Dude, that was fake.

-(camera shutter clicks)\N -And what are you doing?

Our drummer got hit\N in the head

with a stapler\N during "Staplehead."

That's what\N we call provenance.

-Got a secret\N little eBay store.\N -(door opens)

It's not community property.\N Don't tell Edward.

Kid's hanging\N with us tonight.

Let's party!

I got to be up early,\N man, really.

Acid reflux, man.

Sober ten years.

Cool. Cool. Alright.

Hey, kid.\N I'm sorry about tagging you.

Don't let that shit\N happen again.

But I'm sorry.

Listen, th-that's me\N totally out of bounds.

It's, it's your set.\N It's your scream. I'm sorry.

And I know that I'm a lot\N to put up with, you know,

but I just thank you guys

for puttin' up with me.

I mean, really.

And I know you guys\N are looking for a new song,

and, um, I don't want\N to overstep or anything,

but I wrote something\N and if it sucks, it sucks.

Just let me know.\N Just say it, no harm.

But I want you\N to hear it.

It's not like we got\N anything else.

Tss... (mouths)

Here we go.\N (clears throat)

(rock music playing)

(inaudible singing)

* *

(light clicks on)

What did you think, Ruby?

Uh...

Yeah, there's some\N good stuff there, kid.

Keep working on it.

Seriously? Okay.

(laughs)

And I guess\N I will leave you guys

to your own party\N or whatever.

Ha, ha, ha!

I'm gonna go to bed.\N Good night, guys.

(door closes)

Holy shit.

I'm not crazy, right?

Tell me I'm crazy.

It's a fuckin' hit.

It's gonna be "Staplehead"\N all over again.

Doesn't have to be.

("Rumble" by Link Wray playing)

* *

So I'm fired.

You're dragging the energy\N of the band down.

We're trying to grow wings,\N and you're...

You just,\N you're not on board.

How'd he take it?

He'll live.

Well, I broke\N my sacred commitment

to veganism for this.

I got it, dudes,\N thank you.

Hey, kid.

Yo, what's up?\N Whoa...

When we play\N "Staplehead" tonight...

Mm-hmm.

...I want you\N to take my scream.

No, no, no, no, no.

That is not my--

-That's yours.\N -Ruby: You have earned it.

(amp drones)

It's a fuckin' honor,\N man.

I just need,\N I just need\N a second if you--

(high-pitched feedback)

(band playing "Merch Girl"

* Merch girl *

* Working every night *

* Merch girl *

* Fits me just right,\N yeah *

(scattered applause)

Alright.

Are you ready\N for a banger?!

-(audience cheering)\N -(tapping)

(playing intro to "Staplehead")

* Up from the dust\N above the ruins *

* By fire *

* By flood *

* Atop my rusty chariot *

* Lusting for your blood *

* Staplehead *

* From the blackest depths\N of night *

* Staplehead *

* From the dark\N into the light *

* Staplehead *

(music ends)

(inaudible singing)

(music resumes)

(singing falsetto):\N * Tonight we rise *

(electricity crackling)

(Gavin groans)

(crowd murmuring)

(switch clicks)

(crowd screaming)

(flames crackling)

* *

Mm, do you have\N another cigarette?

-Man: Here you go.\N -Aw, thanks, I appreciate that.

Man: No problem.

I've got three days\N on a deck job.

Manuel.

Jorge and your guys,\N Victor.

Eso...

-Tony.\N -Vamos, amigos!

Nah, I'm good.\N I'm good.

Okay, that's it.

Hey. Hey, Charlie, right?

Uh, yeah.

Uh, Victor said\N you're looking for work.

Oh well,\N thank you, Victor.

Uh, yes,

I'm, I'm desperately\N looking for work.

You have a car?

Uh, yeah.\N Just needs gas.

And can you count?

Uh, got 10 good fingers.

My band's going on the road,\N and we're looking

for someone\N to sell merch,

help out, you know,\N whatever needs doing.

The pay sucks,\N but you get to visit

the worst bars in America.

Well, shit.

You got yourself\N a merch girl.

Holy shit.

Uh, you're Ruby Ruin, right?

(singing)\N Staplehead!

(laughs)

Alright.

Let's see if Cleveland rocks!

(playing song intro)

So this tape line\N goes right here.

Not here and,\N and not here.

-So I, so I don't hunch.\N -Deuteronomy: Alright.

Al:\N I got a sciatica.\N I can't hunch.

* Merch girl *

* Nothing up\N her sleeve, yeah *

(lone person clapping)

-(feedback whines)\N -We suck.

Hey, aren't you\N the band

that does "Staplehead"?

Play "Staplehead."

Ruby: No, we're not\N playing "Staplehead."

(playing intro to "Staplehead")

* Up from the dust... *

-(stapler thuds)\N -Whoa!

-Charlie: Kid...\N -I'm just trying to get\N some more on my amp.

Dude, it's so badass!

Okay, okay.\N Just... Jesus, kid.

-Just wait--\N -Hold still.

Gavin:\N It was so intense tonight.

It was just so metal.

It was just metal.

-Yes, it was very metal.\N -I thought it was metal, right?

It was very metal.\N It was...

super-duper metal.

-Yeah.\N -Okay, just turn\N to the light a little.

There you go.

You, you think she's mad\N at me, though.

Ruby? Uh, yeah.

On account of how\N she punched you in the face.

But also, who cares?

I mean, don't get me started\N on that "Merch Girl" song.

Slanderous.

I thought\N she was cool, man.

I'm starting to suspect\N she's actually a real dick.

I know.\N Ruby's... she's cool.

She's, she's alright.

Mm, mm...

But maybe, um,\N maybe tomorrow, I can,

I can catch a ride\N with, with you?

If that's okay?

-Okay.\N -Okay.

Charlie:\N Gav.

Gav.

Gavin!

Jesus.

I admire the commitment\N to the craft,

but maybe not with\N the metal sticks, yeah?

I mean,\N Christ on a cracker.

Metal!

Oh, I get it.\N Oh... geez.

What,\N what's that thingy?

Oh, well,

I like to keep some eyes

underneath my kit\N at every show.

That way,\N I can go back...

...and watch my footwork.

Alright.

Check one of these out\N right here.

(singing)\N * Stalagmite! *

* Stalactite *

* Stalag-sight *

* You might stalag-me *

You, sir, are a magpie.

Magpie?

Mm-hmm.

Self-taught, huh?

No, Juilliard.

Oh.

Ugh. Alright, dude.

I don't want to be\N all Felix Unger or anything,

but, uh, this is\N my house, you know.

A little respect.

Why do you live\N in your car?

Wolves on my fender

so I gotta keep moving.

Some wolves, huh?

You going to be\N like this forever?

(sighs) Maybe.

I hadn't really thought\N about it that way, I--

Not fully\N until just now, actually.

So thanks for that fresh dose\N of existential dread.

(growling)

Oh, no, no. Toss it.

I do not consent\N to photos.

Well, it's not like\N I post them or anything.

It's just for, like,\N a mind-collage of my own.

Oh.

That was littering.

Yes, it was.

Gosh, you are just\N really dedicated

to not wearing shoes, huh?

If you're wearing shoes,\N you're just not grounded,

you know.

Life is a beat, Chuck.

You got to feel it.

Hey, look. See?

Ba-da-da-whoosh.\N Ba-da-da-whoosh.

-Right?\N -Ba-da-da-whoosh. Alright.

Look, see?

(drumming)

That's the bridge\N we went over.

You know?\N Little raindrops.

(Charlie chuckles)

Holistic magpie motherfucker.

Yeah. Sometimes I just,\N I feel this shit so hard.

Carries me through.

Makes the bad stuff just...

roll right off of me.

(dog barking in distance)

(siren wailing in distance)

Hi.

I owe you one for\N taking that little shitheel

off our hands for the day.

You know, that kid really\N took a hit for you, right?

God, I hope he didn't lose\N any precious brain cells.

You might give him\N a break.

Is all I'm sayin'.

He's a vibe-killer.

Can't read a room.\N It stresses me out.

He's just nervous.

He worships you.

I got to tell you, Ruby,\N I really thought

that being on tour with the band\N was going to be like,

you know, one big party,\N all fun and bonding,

like... Spinal Tap.

Pre-Jeanine.

Not this cliquey

gate-keepy\N high school bullshit.

Consider my eyes opened.\N (chuckles)

Hey!

Drummer boy.

Dude, I don't know\N what kind of voodoo,

whatever you did,

but thank you.

What voodoo did I do?

Well, I saw you talking\N to Ruby last night,

and now she's gonna\N let me do the scream.

The "Staplehead" scream.

I've been dreaming\N doing it since I was

a little dumb-as-fuck baby.

This is, this is\N fuckin' everything, man.

-Thank you.\N -Yeah, yeah...

Hey. So, um...

-Oh. Uh, uh...\N -You...

I'll, I'll get\N a good one for you.

I'm happy for you,\N you little scamp.

Alright, let's do\N some fuckin' metal.

* Atop my rusty chariot *

* Lusting for your blood *

* Staplehead *

* *

* Staplehead *

* Tonight we rise *

* Staplehead *

* Tonight we rise *

-* Staplehead *\N -Let 'em have it, kiddo.

* Tonight we rise *

* Staplehead *

Gavin:\N * Tonight we rise *

(electricity crackling)

(crowd murmuring)

I know it's been\N a tough night for you all.

We appreciate\N your patience.

The ME's ruling your drummer\N died by electrocution.

His amp wasn't grounded.

So when he touched\N the mic,

it was like\N kissing a lightning bolt.

Jesus.

Officer:\N It was an accident\N due to faulty equipment.

We're impounding the amp\N for insurance purposes,

but you can have the rest\N of your equipment back.

You all were\N on that stage, too.

It could have been\N a lot worse.

Wow.

Guess we just got lucky.

(sighs)

Charlie:\N Good idea.

(tap running)

What do you figure I can get\N for these on eBay?

Don't you fuckin' dare.

I can't stop smelling\N that smell.

We did what we did.\N Now we gotta move forward.

That song is gonna\N change our lives.

Let's keep it together.

Eskie:\N About that.

We should get\N a recording of the song,

at least a rough demo,

before we play it\N at the Krampus show.

We can use his rhythm track,\N but we all play the rest.

Really lock in\N our ownership.

Then let's do it\N right fuckin' now.

And where are we gonna\N find a recording studio

in Kenosha, Wisconsin,\N "right fucking now"?

Al:\N Two, three--

* It's a flash inside\N that calls you *

* From the street *

* Drink from the well\N so bittersweet *

* It's sugary sweet\N it's a fiery treat *

* It's time to eat my\N sucker punch *

Judas to the Priest.\N That song's pretty good.

Oh, uh, excuse me.\N Are you with this group?

Because I have\N this booth reserved

as of seven minutes ago.

Oh yeah.\N I think they're almost done.

"Murder Girl."

Nice.

Is your band, uh,

death metal\N or something?

It's my podcast.\N I solve murders.

Oh.

Nice work,\N if you can get it.

Charlie: (singing)\N * Enter the caverns *

* Of the past *

* Your first trip\N won't be your last *

* It's sugary sweet,\N a fiery treat *

* It's time to eat\N my sucker punch *

Damn, that is an earworm.

-(splat)\N -Whoa.

Oh geez. Come on.

Hey. Which one\N of you assholes

Shamrock-Shaked\N my car?

-Fan: Krampus slays!\N -What is this?

Oh my god.\N Just clean it.

-Oh, hi.\N Excuse me. Hi. Uh, hi.\N -Hello.

Do you know\N my friend Molly?

-I'm sorry, who?\N -Uh, Molly.

-You know, my ex.\N -Okay, n-n-nice try, narc.

I-I'm not a narc. I...

You're wearing\N pleated khakis,\N you know.

Just try harder.\N I believe in you.

-Fan: (chanting) Krampus!\N -Charlie: Uh, excuse me...

Charlie:\N Very good...

Ah, damn it, Gavin.\N Respect the domicile.

Geez, honey.

Fan:\N You're in Krampus land!

Oh, whoa.

Hold the phone.

* Step into the caverns\N of the past *

* Your first sip\N won't be your last *

* It's sugary sweet\N a fiery treat *

* It's time to eat\N my sucker punch *

Magpie.

Oh, great.\N Uh, I want to talk to you.

Drop the price of the shirts\N if you have to.

I don't wanna bring\N any of that shit home.

You know,\N it-it's about your new song.

-What about it?\N -Well, it's really good.

Which is how I know\N you guys didn't write it.

I got a soundcheck.

Okay, just look me\N in the eyes

and tell me that Gavin\N didn't write that song?

Gavin wrote that song.

Oh. Well, that's true.

But also not cool.\N He deserves credit.

And what do we deserve?

That song isn't going\N to bring Gavin back,

but it'll change\N our lives.

We recorded the song.\N We're playing it tonight.

Look, Charlie, I'm just trying\N to make something good

out of something bad.

Well, right, but,

but if it's Gavin's song,\N people should know that.

There are a thousand ifs.

If I hadn't given him\N the scream,

if our roadie hadn't quit\N and checked the amp,

if I had anything left\N in my garbage life

except one last shot.

This shot.

It is what it is,\N and I'm taking it.

I'm sorry about the kid,

truly.

Gotta go.

(sighs)

Something doesn't\N sit right, Gavin.

-Krampus!\N -(Charlie yells)

-(groans)\N -(crowd gasps)

-Shit.\N -Whoa!

Ooh! (laughing)

-Okay...\N -Krampus in the crapper!

Good shit, man.\N That dude's an asshole.

Deuteronomy.

Man:\N Yeah, merch girl!

Deuteronomy.

Nice right hook,\N merch girl.

I see you're moving up\N in the world, huh?

-Is that why you quit?\N -Deuteronomy: Quit?

I got canned\N on some bullshit.

Huh.

Well, you know, I knew that\N Ruby threw a lie in there.

I just couldn't track\N the, uh...

This business is built\N on relationships.

And amphetamines.

Can I ask you something?\N It's, uh, it's about the kid.

The thing that happened\N with his amp.

I mean, is that something\N that happens?

Yeah, it happens.

Yardbirds, '77.

Lead guitarist bit it\N using the same amp.

That's why they have\N a death capacitor.

A what?

Old amps used to have cords\N with two prongs

instead of three.

If you reverse the plug,

it's like sticking\N a fork in a socket.

A death capacitor\N keeps it safe.

-So Gavin didn't know that?\N -Of course, he did.

He had his amp converted\N to three-prong.

It was safe. I wouldn't have\N let him use it if it wasn't.

Here, let me show you\N what it looks like.

Okay, here's one on eBay.\N Identical.

Holy shit.\N Can I, can I see that?

Whoa, shit.

Al.

(strumming\N without amplification)

Al:\N * I'm gonna buy\N a new guitar *

* Neck inlaid with pearl *

* To pay my passage\N to the underworld *

* I'm gonna crawl up *

* From the afterbirth *

* And wander lonely *

* On this earth *

* Satan, cast\N your evil spell *

* Save a place\N for us in hell *

* You must learn\N we're all gonna burn *

* Because you can't\N un-murder someone *

* We electrocuted a lamb\N for the keys to the kingdom *

* Now it's time to burn *

Two, three, four.

If you're looking for Al,\N he's working on

a new song called\N "You Can't\N Un-murder Someone."

Sounds metal.

It sounds like\N a guilty conscience

unburdening itself\N for killing a drummer

via power ballad.

What?

That song

is basically\N a confession.

Uh, yeah. Okay.\N So you wanna arrest Bob Marley

for singing\N "I Shot the Sheriff"?

If he was also selling\N Gavin's amp on eBay,

like Al is, then yeah.

I know it sounds nuts,\N but I think

that Al switched it out\N for a booby-trapped amp

and killed Gavin.

Listen. I know\N you really liked the kid.

You're traumatized.\N We all are.

But reality now,\N equipment mix-ups happen.

Deuteronomy wasn't there\N to check it.

-Convenient, right?\N -Ruby: Jesus.

Al was on stage\N the whole time Gavin was.

You think he would have risked\N electrocuting himself?

Or Eskie or me?

Well that's true. Huh.

Huh?

One more show,

and this will all be\N in your rearview mirror.

Okay?

Chill out\N and keep it together.

Yeah?

-Al: What are you doing?\N -You put Gavin's amp on eBay?

It's vintage.

It's evidence. Right?

-I guess.\N -You guess?

I haven't taken\N Criminal Law yet.

Okay, Clarence Dumbass\N and Veggie McShithead.

Listen to me.

We are this close\N to nailing this thing.

Keep it\N the fuck together!

And do not confess\N to murder in a song!

What...?

It's probably okay as long as\N you don't sing it under oath.

This is what, ehh,\N I'm saying...

Charlie:\N Uh, hey, Deuteronomy.

Um, can I borrow\N your readers?

You know, I'm trying to see\N something on here, and I can't.

No. But how about\N the right tool for the job?

Oh, okay. Upgrade.

Huh? Okay.

So Al was being\N a real baby

about setting up\N his mic stand, right?

(scoffs) Yeah.

Said it was his hunchback\N or something.

I tried to teach him\N the Pilates

I learned\N from Jimmy Page

but no!

Okay. So look at this.

This is from the show\N when Gavin died.

Look at the tape.

Somehow in this show,\N on this one night,

he got taller.

Huh, I--

Well, so what?\N Maybe he wore different shoes?

I mean, why would a guy\N with a bad back

suddenly wear\N new shoes on stage?

Hmm.

Well, you can't see\N his shoes there though.

Oh.

Huh.

* *

(knocking)

Hey. I-I-I come\N in peace, I...

Ca-can I borrow that?

-(camera beeps)\N -Come on, now.

Show me some\N heavy-soled murder shoes.

Gotcha, you son of a bitch.

Whoa!

Holy Toledo.

Rest in metal. Seriously?

Jesus. What now?

You guys are sick\N with this bullshit tribute.

You killed him.\N All of you.

Who the fuck\N do you think you are?

Me? Oh, I don't know.

Maybe, maybe\N I'm the highest bidder

on eBay\N for Gavin's real amp,

you know, the one you\N switched out to kill him.

Or maybe I'm the girl\N with the photographic proof

that you knew he was\N going to be electrocuted.

You're all wearing Docs\N with thick rubber soles

to insulate you\N from that electro shit

that you sent\N through Gavin.

You know, when you told\N the fire inspector

that you got "lucky,"\N I knew it was a lie,

I just didn't\N put it together.

Y'all made your own luck,\N didn't you?

Eskie: You know,\N I may not have my degree,

but even I know\N that's not legal proof.

Gavin was the real deal,\N you know,

and he was a good guy,

and you killed him\N just for what?

For some stupid little song\N about sucker punching?

It's not just a song.\N It's a hit.

You know what, Ruby?

I knew that you were\N a has-been.

But it's worse than that.

Alright, you're a hack.

And maybe I won't get to see you\N in an orange jumpsuit,

but you'll be in that\N orange "Build Box" apron

for the rest of your\N sad little hacky life.

Security!

Gavin had talent, okay.\N He was metal.

He was real metal.

And you all, you're\N the opposite of metal.

Alright? You're talc.

You hear me?\N You're fuckin' talc!

She can't do shit.

We play the fuck\N out of that song tonight

and everything changes.

Yes?

Let's rock!

Hey, do you mind\N swinging past

just over here? Uh...

Thank you. Thanks. I just--\N I got to grab my, my bag,

and then I promise to continue\N to throw myself out, so...

I better not see you again.

No, absolutely.\N I appreciate you.

You're doing good work.\N Efficient.

Man:\N Hi. Hey, guys.

Any of you know\N my friend Lucy?

You know\N Lucy in the Sky--

Man 2:\N Fuck off, narc.

Man: Okay. Just looking for\N some old-fashioned cocaine.

Hey, narc.

My name's Scott.

Charlie:\N And that's how Doxxxology

murdered their drummer\N Gavin,

I don't know his last name,\N for a song.

Yeah, uh, well, that's,\N uh, that's a, a lot.

Ah.

I got no proof.

It's a whole lot\N of nothing.

Just loose, connected dots.\N I'm sorry.

I don't know who I thought\N would take this seriously.

Y-y-you know what?\N I think it's good.

-You do?\N -Yeah.

I think you make\N a compelling case.

I mean, some of this\N is a stretch,

but you've shored up a lot\N of the circumstantial evidence.

I'm convinced.

You think it's enough\N to take to your boss?

Why would you want me\N to take it

to the VP of Finance\N at Nationwide?

Okay, wait.\N So you're not a cop?

No, I'm an actuary.\N Did you think I was a cop?

Yes, man. Yeah, I thought\N you were a narc.

Everyone's been\N calling me that.

I think I'm just really bad\N at buying drugs.

Yes, you are\N really bad at it.

Well, if it makes\N you feel any better,

everything you just said\N makes perfect sense.

Oh, and since\N you're already famous,

maybe you can get\N some local news attention.

Hmm? What do you mean\N I'm famous?

You don't know.\N Oh, your video.

It went viral.

-Krampus: Krampus!\N -(Charlie yells)

-(Krampus groans)\N -(crowd gasps)

When did that go up?

Uh, it says\N four hours ago. Why?

Man:\N Charlie Cale?

Hey, Cliff.

I didn't take you\N for a TikToker.

It's over, Charlie.\N You're coming with me.

Front seat or the trunk.\N Your choice.

Hey. You need\N something, brother?

What's up, Milwaukee?!

(crowd cheering)

I think it's time\N for something fresh.

* It's a flash inside *

* That calls you\N from the street *

* Drink from the well\N so bittersweet *

* You wrote your number\N on the back of my receipt *

* Before you cracked me\N with your *

* Sucker punch *

* Step into the caverns\N of the past *

* Your first sip\N won't be your last *

* It's sugary sweet,\N it's a fiery treat *

-* It's time to eat my *\N -Fuck you, Ruby.

* Sucker punch *

To the left.

Watch it, man.

(crowd cheering, applauding)

Oh fuck!

Ruby: Thank you!

(crowd cheering)

(Cliff groans)

(cheering\N and applause continues)

Changing:\N Ruby! Ruby! Ruby!

(laughter)

Eskie:\N I like shrimp cocktail\N for breakfast.

This is, I can\N get used to this.

My friends, in just\N three weeks,

you've conquered\N the world

To "Sucker Punch."

-To Doxxxology.\N -Al: Hey.

Man:\N A viral smash.

(glasses clinking)

We got to get caviar\N in the rider.

I want this\N on the tour bus.

Like, I can get used\N to this.

This is my new style.

(indistinct chatter)

Eskie: But I can keep\N this pen though, right?

-(door shuts)\N -Man: Hold up.

Wait.

No.

What the fuck, man?

We have a big problem.

Yeah. So this\N "Sucker Punch" song

came out of nowhere,\N and it's everywhere now.

But did it come out\N of nowhere? It did not.

Shout out to some of our\N older viewers for helping us

connect the dots\N on this one.

("Benson" theme song playing)

("Sucker Punch" playing\N with same melody)

("Benson" theme song playing)

You ripped off\N the theme song to "Benson"

and didn't think\N nobody would notice?

-I didn't realize it.\N -Eskie: It's,

it's, it's\N fair use homage.

It's copyright infringement\N that was about to become fraud.

And it is the least\N of your problems.

(podcast music playing)

Murder Girl:\N You may know the heavy\N metal band Doxxxology

for their '90s\N hit song "Staplehead."

And for their incredible\N comeback hit "Sucker Punch."

Their story sounds like\N a rock-and-roll fantasy.

A band of has-beens who get\N their second shot at fame.

But what if I told you\N that's not the whole story?

Would you kill\N for a second shot at fame?

Commit murder\N for one hit song.

Welcome to season seven\N of "Murder Girl:

Rest in Metal."

Ba-da-da-whoosh.

We got her.

Wow, something\N to look forward to.

I'm in some deep shit.

Charlie:\N What went wrong?

She killed both of them.

She was lying.\N I could tell.

(screams)

You thinking\N what I'm thinking?

We have to kill that mother--

* *

Tell me where you are.

Charlie:\N I can't be the only one

getting bad mojo\N around here.

Sterling Sr.:\N There's not a corner\N in this country

small enough\N for you to hide in.

And I'm gonna hit you\N where it hurts.

Now, tell me, kid...

am I lying?

* *

Man:\N Watch your back, Charlie.

Look out!

That was intense.

I felt like I was in\N "Wolf of Wall Street"\N all of a sudden

and not the fun parts.