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DAZ: G'day Australia,
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00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:07,966
and welcome to the 256th
Handball Olympics, the Handies!
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00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:10,802
Where elite athletes
from all across Australia
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00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:13,514
get together to play handball!
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00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:14,723
SUGAR DAVE: That's right, Daz.
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00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:17,768
While other countries consider
handball a schoolyard sport,
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here it's a cultural institution!
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All of Australia is excited to watch
our best teenage athletes
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smack their balls around.
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- [both laugh]
- Heh-heh! You said it, Sugar Dave.
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00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,945
Teens love a good Handie!
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00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:31,240
And of course, this year,
Dapto is giving out the Handies.
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00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,368
- Even though Dapto has the longest
losing streak in Handies history.
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00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,577
Fuckin' losers.
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00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,162
Carn! You Dapto!
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Mom, you're acting like a bogan!
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- What's the point?
Our team never wins anyway.
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00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,085
You must have faith, young Liam!
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00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:46,004
Yes, we're humiliated
year after fruitless year,
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00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:49,800
and yes, maybe the other towns
have taken to calling us Dap-Toilet...
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00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,885
♪ Let's all take a shit ♪
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00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,179
♪ On Dap toilet ♪
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00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:57,891
- But remember:
the underdog always has his day!
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00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:58,851
Eventually.
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00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:02,563
- Oh, bullshit!
It's been decades since Dapto won!
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00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,107
This town is cursed, I tell you!
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00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:06,900
Cursed!
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- I just want to see us win once
before I die...
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[gags]
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- But this year,
we actually have a good team!
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If we win, Dapto will finally not be
a dead-end town for losers.
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I need this-- I mean, Dapto needs this!
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♪ fanfare plays ♪
Look! Here they come!
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DAZ: There's Team Dapto,
looking far more competent than usual.
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Could this be the squad
that turns things around?
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- Sarah Sportsday.
Second most powerful girl in school.
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00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,509
Beautiful and athletic.
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How am I ever going to pass her?
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00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:37,014
- Aw, I think you're perfect
the way you are, sweetheart.
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But Daddy can fix it.
Here, I got you a special lolly.
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Dad! I don't care about lollies!
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I care about power and being a hot bitch.
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- Didn't know
you could grow out of lollies.
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♪ fanfare playing ♪
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This is going to be our year, Dapto!
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[crowd gasps]
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DAZ:
And it seems like the Dapto team
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has incinerated itself.
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I told you this town was shit.
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00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:01,455
[burps]
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00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,498
♪ theme song playing ♪
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Koala Kode 460:
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Don't trust clowns.
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Especially the clowns in parliament.
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Yeah, that was a political one.
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[crowd clamoring]
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[indistinct chatter]
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- Settle, settle.
I know everyone is upset.
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00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,292
- We just have so little
to root for here, Big Greg.
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00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:50,087
We're the laughingstock of Australia!
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- I bet my fuckin' Mongoose BMX that Dapto
would win, you fuckin' dickhead!
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And someone stole my Mongoose bike!
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This is the worst day ever!
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[laughs] You're goddamn right it is!
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MAN: Huge Greg!
WOMAN: That's Big Greg's brother!
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MAN:
He moved to Sydney and became a star!
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H.G., this is a "Dapto only" meeting.
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HG: As all of you know,
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between rooting supermodels
and my televisual work,
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I coach the Sydney handball team!
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Meet the Bigsmoke Twins.
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Greatest handball players in the world.
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We were looking forward to humiliating
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each and every one of you Daptonians.
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But your team went up in smoke.
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Ha-ha, they died.
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- [crowd gasping]
- Wait! I have something to say.
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[attendees booing]
Oh, boo all you like.
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I am immune to your jeers
for my heart is pure.
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And clearly none of you have consulted
the official Handies rule book.
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"In the case of a sudden
and improbable team death,
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the city shall have
24 hours to field a new team."
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But where are we gonna get a new team?
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I shall coach a new team.
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- Don't be ridiculous.
I'm obviously going to coach the team.
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- Oh, is Little Greg going
to coach the team
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in the little town he stayed in
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because he couldn't make it
in the big city?
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- Shut up!
- Pfft! Did your voice just crack?
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00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:06,872
Big Greg?
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00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:09,583
More like the biggest cum rag in Fap-to.
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[Big Greg sobbing]
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Heh heh heh!
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See you tossers on the field.
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00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:20,552
- So I guess that settles it.
I'm coaching the team.
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[crowd boos]
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- Kevin, are you sure you're up
to coaching the team?
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- I'm the only one who can, Vicky.
I have to stand up for Dapto.
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For our children.
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Especially Alison.
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Sometimes I get the feeling
she doesn't like me anymore.
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- Aw, Kevin. She loves you.
Alison's just growing up.
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Oh, I get it now. Yes, menstruation.
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Yes, the female period. I get it now.
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00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,579
Well... yes... but it's more than that.
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00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,665
She's going through a lot
of changes right now
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and you need to accept those changes
no matter how scary they are.
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Maybe you should try
spending some quality time with her.
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[sighs] You're right.
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After the Handies,
if I'm not too busy eradicating evil,
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maybe we can...
go to the playground or something.
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I don't know what she likes to do.
♪ cow bell jangling ♪
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- It's so unfair!
[sobbing] Why?
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She was the only good athlete
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in this entire school!
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This is bullshit.
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Sarah Sportsday is more popular
in death than she was in life!
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This is Miss Sausage Roll all over again.
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- ♪ mic feedback ♪
- Attention, students.
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As you know, I am the self-appointed coach
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of the new Dapto handball team.
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I've written this rousing sports anthem
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to invigorate your adolescent spirits
and inspire you to try out!
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Oh, my God.
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♪ Teamwork and fair play ♪
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♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪
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00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,675
♪ G'day, g'day-- ♪
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00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,177
Hang on. Hang on a sec.
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00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:44,803
This bloody G string.
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Always going out of tune...
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Just a minute.
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Why don't you go home, ya pedo?!
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Uggh!
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Hey, that was...
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Pretty good.
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- The trials are over
before they've begun!
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Alison and Liam Williams, I choose you!
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I don't know who you are, of course,
you're just some kids I've just met,
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but you're very skilled,
so yep, you're the ones.
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[softly]
How's that for some quality time?
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- Goody!
- Wait a minute.
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No way! Are you out of your mind?
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- It's good-- It's good of you to--
It's good of you...
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It's good of you to do this, Alison.
For Sarah.
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[cheering]
WOMEN: Do it, Alison!
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Yeah, go, Alison!
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For Sarah.
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DAZ: And welcome back
to the Handball Olympics,
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as Adelaide faces off against
humiliated hosts Dapto,
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who have a brand-new
and somewhat mediocre-looking team!
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- And it's pretty hard to look
mediocre against Adelaide!
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- [laughing]
- My dad's from Adelaide.
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- Aw, sorry.
- Nah, just be careful what you say.
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Alison! Liam! Inspiration!
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Stop shouting "Inspiration!"
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Please stop fighting!
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SUGAR DAVE:
And there it is, Adelaide wins!
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[Alison snarls]
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- She's just going through changes.
Shedding her uterine lining and all that.
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Aw, dammit!
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- Bloody hell, Vicky.
I didn't know you were such a sports fan.
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- [sighs] I'm not normally,
but that's my team! And my kids.
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They're getting humiliated.
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Maybe this town really is cursed.
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Well, yeah, Dapto is cursed.
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Literally. It's actually cursed.
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What are you talking about?
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- You don't know the legend
of the Dapto Sick Sunnies?
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A long time ago...
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or some shit...
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the earth was a sea of rock and fire.
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Deep in the subterranean bowels,
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pitiful beasts harvested
rare metals for their mighty masters,
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the Gods of Dapto.
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From the sacred steel, they forged
a luck charm of unrivaled power.
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The Sick Sunnies of Dapto.
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Sick!
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- They say the Sick Sunnies gave Dapto
good luck for hundreds of years.
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Sadly, some cunt broke them
when he sat on them in his car.
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And Dapto's been cursed ever since.
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Haven't you ever wondered
why things are so shit here?
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So we're all screwed? Forever?
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00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:12,284
- Maybe I should just hit up
the Gods of Dapto for another pair.
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You know the Gods of Dapto?!
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00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:15,204
Aw, shit, yeah.
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00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:17,164
Used to rage with them back in the '90s.
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They still hang out at the top
of Mt. Kiera as far as I know.
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DAZ: And the Dapto team
is falling apart at the seams.
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SUGAR DAVE: Aw, gee whiz, looks like
nobody can end Dapto's losing streak!
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I can.
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00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:34,306
Janine, let's go get those sunnies!
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00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:36,975
Why did I agree to do this?
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00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:40,103
I thought it'd be easier to coast off
Sarah Sportsday getting barbecued,
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but we got destroyed.
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00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:44,525
- We did our best, and I love
that we're wearing matching outfits.
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00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:45,943
Liam, you don't understand.
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If we don't win it all,
everything I've worked for
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00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:50,072
to become the most powerful girl
at school will be ruined.
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00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:51,907
If only Dad wasn't such a weak coach.
200
00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,784
Who wants orange slices?!
201
00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:57,538
I suspect the natural power of vitamin C
might be just what you two need.
202
00:08:57,538 --> 00:09:00,249
- Caught your match
out there, mate. Brutal.
203
00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:02,751
The kids are shit,
and you're even shitter.
204
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,962
One more loss,
and you're out of the tournament.
205
00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:09,800
- I'd like to not-so-kindly ask you
to leave our locker room, Huge Greg.
206
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,261
- Look, mate.
- No, you look, mate!
207
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:14,054
- No, you look, mate!
- No, no, no.
208
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,097
You look, mate!
209
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,473
No, you look, mate!
210
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:17,891
[tray clatters]
See that, kids?
211
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:21,019
That's how you pwn a manlet. [laughing]
212
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:24,731
- Joke's on you,
I have many more oranges I can cut!
213
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:27,609
Liam, you still blindly
worship me, don't you?
214
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,236
- Of course, Dad.
- Good, good.
215
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,613
If only your sister felt the same way...
216
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,073
We need to talk.
217
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,491
Huge Greg?
218
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:37,077
No, just regular Big Greg.
219
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,121
- [snorts] What do you want,
little bitch Greg?
220
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:41,331
- Listen, girlie,
you want to win, don't you?
221
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,333
We both know Koala Man's shithouse.
222
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,294
- Yeah, all he can do is give us
orange slices
223
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:46,962
and go on about their natural power.
224
00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:49,882
What you need is unnatural power.
225
00:09:49,882 --> 00:09:51,758
♪ ominous music playing ♪
226
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:58,891
- [crowd cheering]
- ♪ Let's go, Dapto! ♪
227
00:09:58,891 --> 00:10:02,728
Remember, a moral victory
is almost as good as a real one.
228
00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:06,398
- No matter what happens,
I'm proud to be your partner, Alison!
229
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:07,357
[snarling]
230
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,234
Out of the way, human!
231
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:13,739
- Whoa!
[snarling]
232
00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,574
Carn, Dapto!
233
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:18,577
A tremendous serve by Alison Williams!
234
00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:21,914
Could it be that Dapto
has found their second wind?
235
00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:23,874
I honestly have no idea.
236
00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:26,585
I'm so fucking drunk right now.
237
00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,754
It's working! The vitamin C!
238
00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:30,380
You got this, Alison!
239
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,132
[snarling]
240
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:36,845
Uh, Alison? What did you do?
241
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:39,181
- [Alison snarling]
- Well done, Alison!
242
00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:40,891
[snarls]
243
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:43,477
These changes happen so fast.
244
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:46,188
Babies, to girls, to women.
245
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,149
[Vicky straining]
246
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,569
This is the realm of the gods?
247
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:53,779
[distant dogs barking]
248
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:57,533
- They've cleaned it up a bit.
Let me introduce you!
249
00:10:57,533 --> 00:10:59,743
That's the God of Fire,
the God of Good Health,
250
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,578
and there's the God
of Popping Down the Shops.
251
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:02,996
Youse need anything from the shops?
252
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,332
JANINE: And there's God
of Always Has a Guitar at a Party.
253
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:07,584
This one's about the prime minister.
254
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:10,629
♪ Fuck the prime minister ♪
255
00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:12,089
♪ He's a cunt ♪
256
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:13,423
They're all top blokes.
257
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:16,009
Oh! There's the God
of Fancy Seeing You Here!
258
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:19,304
Neenie! Fancy seeing you here!
259
00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:22,641
- Hey, Janine, do a buckety
for old times' sake!!!
260
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:24,393
Oh. What are you the god of?
261
00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:26,854
I'm the God of Just Fuckin' Do It!
262
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:29,147
I don't give a fuck! Ugggh!
263
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:32,818
Oh, yeah? Why not?
264
00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:35,112
Janine, don't go too hard.
265
00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:37,990
We have to get those sunnies,
or Dapto's got no chance.
266
00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:42,035
- Relax, Vick,
I'm legendary at handling me shit.
267
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,245
♪ Buckety Neen! ♪
268
00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:45,455
ALL: ♪ Buckety Neen! ♪
269
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,332
♪ Buckety Neen! ♪
270
00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:49,626
- [cheering]
- Yeah-eah!
271
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,128
- Oh, Nina!
- Unbelievable!
272
00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:53,255
Fuuuuuuuuuuck! [echoing]
273
00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:55,340
I'm trapped in a thought loop.
274
00:11:57,801 --> 00:12:00,220
Dad, I need to tell you something.
275
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,722
I'm sorry, Liam. No time to chat.
276
00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:03,182
The finals start any minute,
277
00:12:03,182 --> 00:12:05,559
and since healthy fruits
have been putting pep in your step,
278
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,769
I'm making you both smoothies!
279
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,021
It's about Alison.
280
00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:11,565
Haven't you noticed anything... strange?
281
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:12,649
Strange?
282
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:15,360
Ah, Liam,
I think I know what you're getting at.
283
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:19,448
Yes, it is "strange," but it is also
a perfectly natural part of life.
284
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:21,533
Girls mature faster than boys.
285
00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:24,244
Even though she's your twin,
you're feeling left behind.
286
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,579
Oh... uh...
287
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:28,040
I was talking about the fact
she's a dingo now.
288
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,876
[snarling]
289
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:34,671
- Ah. I admit that she's
been acting a little feral of late.
290
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:37,716
But your mother said I have to accept
the changes she's going through.
291
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:41,386
- Dad, I think Alison has been using
performance-enhancing drugs.
292
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,889
Such an accusation! You have any proof?
293
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,519
[gasps] Those aren't tampons at all!
294
00:12:48,519 --> 00:12:50,354
[hands clapping slowly]
295
00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:53,065
- Congratulations, Liam.
You figured it out.
296
00:12:53,065 --> 00:12:54,858
Big Greg, is this true?
297
00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,944
This is... this is un-Australian!
298
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,988
- [chuckles]
You know nothing, Koala Man.
299
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:03,909
Australia's been dabbling
in human-animal hybrids for years.
300
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:08,163
You see, back in 2000,
Australia was hosting the Olympics,
301
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,290
and we needed an edge.
302
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,917
Huge Greg and I worked
303
00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:15,128
for Australia's secret
performance-enhancing gene program.
304
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:18,382
We caught the finest
animal specimens we could find.
305
00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:21,009
We spliced the animal DNA
into human athletes,
306
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,637
creating hybrid super-sportspeople.
307
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:24,596
Nonsense!
308
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,765
That was the year Ian Thorpe
won three gold medals.
309
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:28,433
And he won them fair and square!
310
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:30,769
Are you sure about that?
311
00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,729
KOALA MAN:
Yeah, that's our Thorpedo.
312
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:33,689
Look at him go.
313
00:13:33,689 --> 00:13:36,316
Look closer, Koala Man.
314
00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:38,402
My God.
315
00:13:38,402 --> 00:13:40,988
Ian Thorpe was a shark the whole time?!
316
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:42,656
It was the perfect plan.
317
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:45,242
But everything changed
one day when me and H.G.
318
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:48,745
caught the most beautiful fish
we had ever seen.
319
00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:51,999
Her name was Tanya,
and I fell madly in love with her.
320
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,834
I couldn't let them experiment on her,
321
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:57,171
so we planned to run away together
and start a flower shop in Tasmania.
322
00:13:57,171 --> 00:14:00,174
But H.G. caught us in the act
of physical love.
323
00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:04,386
He completely lost his shit from jealousy
and called me all sorts of names:
324
00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:08,182
sea-dick, aquarium-man, fish-fingerer.
325
00:14:08,182 --> 00:14:10,684
We had a massive punch-up
and the whole lab exploded...
326
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,019
[explosion]
327
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,354
I lost Tanya to the fire.
328
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,690
I swore I would never
use the manimal ooze again,
329
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:20,152
but Alison was game
and I must have my revenge!
330
00:14:20,152 --> 00:14:21,945
This is not on, Big Greg, not on!
331
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,739
We can't let Huge Greg win!
332
00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:25,532
I can turn Alison back after.
333
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:28,160
- Forget it. I'm going to forfeit
the match right now.
334
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:31,038
And then you'll turn her back
or so help me...
335
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,164
[snarls]
336
00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:33,665
[Liam gasps]
337
00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:36,418
[coughing]
338
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:40,380
Who am I kidding?
339
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,882
I can't save Dapto.
340
00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:45,594
Oh, hi. Rough night?
341
00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:47,012
Is it that obvious?
342
00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:50,891
- Here, have a glass of Merlot,
and just tell me what's on your mind.
343
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:54,228
- Oh, thanks, but I'm not going
to pour my heart out to a stranger.
344
00:14:54,228 --> 00:14:57,898
- Oh, come on, it's not a real party
without a deep and meaningful convo.
345
00:14:58,774 --> 00:15:01,985
- So, who are you,
the God of... Cheese Platters? [giggles]
346
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:05,155
[laughs] Actually, I'm the God
of Realizing Your Potential.
347
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,240
But enough about me.
348
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,366
Tell me about you.
349
00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:11,495
- Oh! No one's asked me
about me in years...
350
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,164
Well, where to begin?
351
00:15:19,211 --> 00:15:22,005
Umpire! I have an announcement!
352
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:23,841
Koala Man! Don't do it!
353
00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:26,009
Well, well, well!
354
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:28,720
Didn't think you Daptonians had it in ya.
355
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,013
Huge Greg, please.
356
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:32,224
I've only just been made aware
of the situation,
357
00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:33,433
and I'm taking steps to--
358
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,269
Relax, Koala Cock.
359
00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:37,312
I'm not gonna rat you out.
360
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,815
I salute you, baby brother.
361
00:15:39,815 --> 00:15:42,568
I thought all the fight had gone out.
362
00:15:42,568 --> 00:15:45,320
Maybe if you'd shown
some of this spunk earlier,
363
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,655
you'd still have Tanya.
364
00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:49,199
- Take her beautiful name
out of your disgusting mouth,
365
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,576
you son of a bitch!
366
00:15:50,576 --> 00:15:53,078
- Since you thought
you could get tricky with me,
367
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:55,831
I thought I'd give you a taste
of your own medicine.
368
00:15:55,831 --> 00:15:58,166
Did you really think you were the only one
369
00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:01,170
to escape the lab with the manimal ooze?
370
00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:03,338
DAZ: And moving on to center court,
371
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,757
we have the reigning champions
from Sydney...
372
00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:08,427
The Bigsmoke Twins!
[thunder crashes]
373
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,513
[crashing]
374
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:15,309
[feet pounding]
375
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:19,354
Uh... they don't look like twins to me.
376
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:21,899
Let's play handball!
377
00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:23,859
[screeching]
378
00:16:28,739 --> 00:16:30,574
[creatures snarling]
379
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,828
[roaring, snarling]
380
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,997
Come on, Koala Man. Let's juice Liam up.
381
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,582
Turn him into a croc or something!
382
00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:41,919
- No! You've gone too far, Big Greg.
Turn Alison back.
383
00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:46,048
- I'm sorry, Koala Man. I was lying.
The antidote was lost in the fire.
384
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,966
She's gonna be a dingo forever.
385
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:51,803
- Right. Then I'll just have to have
a chat with her myself.
386
00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:53,931
[snarling]
387
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:56,266
Let her go, son.
388
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:02,272
Alison, it's me... your dad.
389
00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:03,357
[barks]
390
00:17:03,357 --> 00:17:05,776
Look, I know I got you wrapped up
in this handball stuff,
391
00:17:05,776 --> 00:17:07,903
but I just wanted to share
some quality time with you.
392
00:17:07,903 --> 00:17:09,029
[snarls]
393
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:11,323
- I thought winning the Handies
would bring us together.
394
00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:14,451
But I can see now that you're growing up.
You're changing.
395
00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:18,205
Yesterday, you were lollies and dollies,
today you're a dingo.
396
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,374
It all goes by so fast.
397
00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:22,626
I know it's not easy
having me as a father,
398
00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:24,378
but I can tell you this much:
399
00:17:24,378 --> 00:17:26,713
there's no one
I'd rather have for a daughter.
400
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:29,842
So if you have to rip
my throat out, so be it.
401
00:17:29,842 --> 00:17:31,510
[roars]
402
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,517
SUGAR DAVE: Correct me if I'm wrong,
Daz, but it seems Dingo-Alison
403
00:17:38,517 --> 00:17:41,311
has turned human again
thanks to the power of a hug.
404
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:45,524
- Indeed she has, though that
touching hug was with her coach,
405
00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:48,026
so we will be forced to file a grievance
406
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:51,113
with the handball authorities
and investigate this further.
407
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,657
Dad... I didn't know you felt that way.
408
00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:56,702
Sorry if I give you a hard time
for being kind of crazy or whatever.
409
00:17:56,702 --> 00:17:59,288
- That's okay, dear.
That's what dads are for.
410
00:17:59,288 --> 00:18:04,251
- Enough talk! Your choices are:
you play and we kill you, or you forfeit.
411
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:07,462
Either way, a huge win for Huge Greg!
412
00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:09,756
I don't think so, Huge Greg.
413
00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:12,217
Let's play.
414
00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,761
We're going to win the game, Koala Man!
415
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,471
Using fair play and skill!
416
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:19,391
- No! I can't allow this.
You'll be eaten alive!
417
00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:22,519
[roaring]
418
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:26,607
- Then I guess my first Handies
will be my last.
419
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:33,113
- I don't know why I wanted Dapto
to win so badly.
420
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:36,366
I guess, if I'm being honest,
when your team brings in a win,
421
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,785
well, it feels like a win for you too.
422
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:41,830
And I haven't had very many of those
in the last few years.
423
00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:44,958
But maybe it doesn't matter
anyway since Dapto is cursed.
424
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,377
Vicky, we all feel cursed sometimes.
425
00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:51,256
But the "curse" is so often a metaphor
for reckoning honestly with our own...
426
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,841
disappointments.
427
00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:55,469
But we have the power to break the cycle.
428
00:18:55,469 --> 00:18:57,804
We just have to be brave enough to try.
429
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,891
- I'm trying to be brave.
That's why I came here.
430
00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:03,519
But I feel so stuck in my life.
431
00:19:03,519 --> 00:19:06,480
Maybe... maybe it's too late.
432
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,273
Darling, it's never too late.
433
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:11,527
A beautiful woman like you
has plenty of options.
434
00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:14,863
♪ romantic music rising ♪
435
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,330
No. I shouldn't.
436
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:25,582
You're wonderful, but...
437
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:27,167
I can't do that to Kevin.
438
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:28,544
Go to him, Vicky.
439
00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:32,089
But promise me something:
you'll realize your potential.
440
00:19:32,673 --> 00:19:35,217
And, if it doesn't work out with Kevin,
441
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:36,969
I'm just a mountain climb away.
442
00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:39,304
I'll never forget you.
443
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:42,766
Ahhh. Fuckin' sun.
444
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:44,017
Sick.
445
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:46,144
- Oi, you!
Where'd you get those sunglasses?
446
00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:49,731
- I dunno, we got them made
for our New Year's party.
447
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:52,693
- Can I please have them?
I'm on a quest of town significance.
448
00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:54,903
Piss off, these are mine.
449
00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:57,197
There's a box of them over there, though.
450
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:59,700
[gasps] A whole box?!
451
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:01,952
[creatures snarling]
[crowd cheering]
452
00:20:05,581 --> 00:20:08,667
- This is it. This is the moment
we've been waiting for.
453
00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:10,127
The next point wins...
454
00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:12,796
- How are they doing this?
Just eat them already!
455
00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:15,966
- [octopus snarling]
- No, no, no, no, no! Oh, my God!
456
00:20:15,966 --> 00:20:17,801
Wait! This is not a legitimate strategy!
457
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:19,553
- Eat him too!
[octopus snarls]
458
00:20:19,553 --> 00:20:22,681
DAZ: Good gracious, it seems
Dapto has finally run out of luck!
459
00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:23,891
[roaring]
460
00:20:23,891 --> 00:20:26,518
SUGAR DAVE:
Only a miracle could save them now!
461
00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:27,686
VICKY: Wait!
462
00:20:28,729 --> 00:20:30,230
[thunder crashing]
463
00:20:32,316 --> 00:20:34,109
[crowd groans]
464
00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:39,281
[roaring]
465
00:20:39,281 --> 00:20:41,825
Sick Sunnies for everyone!
466
00:20:45,871 --> 00:20:47,080
Sick!
467
00:20:47,831 --> 00:20:49,416
BOTH: Sick!
468
00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:51,752
ALL: Sick!
469
00:20:51,752 --> 00:20:53,003
Sick!
470
00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:01,345
[shrieking]
471
00:21:01,345 --> 00:21:03,889
No! My manimals!
472
00:21:03,889 --> 00:21:06,016
SUGAR DAVE:
Oh, I don't bloody believe it!
473
00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:09,603
Dapto wins!
474
00:21:09,603 --> 00:21:13,732
The curse is lifted... or some shit.
475
00:21:16,652 --> 00:21:18,362
Sick.
476
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:22,783
- Well, well, well,
who's the biggest cum rag now?
477
00:21:22,783 --> 00:21:23,784
It's you!
478
00:21:24,493 --> 00:21:26,745
- You're still the number one Greg
to me, baby.
479
00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,997
And you're huge all over.
480
00:21:28,997 --> 00:21:32,209
- Tanya? It can't be.
I thought you were dead!
481
00:21:32,209 --> 00:21:33,377
She is...
482
00:21:33,377 --> 00:21:35,420
drop-dead sexy.
483
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,713
[slobbering]
484
00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:38,423
Aw, yeah...
485
00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:39,842
Mmm, mmm...
486
00:21:39,842 --> 00:21:41,802
Tanya! Why?
487
00:21:41,802 --> 00:21:43,804
I never loved you, Big Greg.
488
00:21:43,804 --> 00:21:46,974
I was just using you
to make Huge Greg jealous.
489
00:21:46,974 --> 00:21:50,435
I faked my death that night
so I wouldn't have to break up with you.
490
00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:53,772
- [babies whining]
- G'day, little champions.
491
00:21:53,772 --> 00:21:56,108
Ciao for now, suck-hole.
492
00:21:56,108 --> 00:21:57,985
And don't feel bad about Tanya.
493
00:21:57,985 --> 00:22:01,613
You know what they say,
there are plenty of fish in the sea.
494
00:22:01,613 --> 00:22:02,573
Heh-heh-heh.
495
00:22:03,532 --> 00:22:05,117
Not for me.
496
00:22:05,909 --> 00:22:08,245
♪ fanfare playing ♪
497
00:22:08,245 --> 00:22:11,748
- I'm so glad Dad's love turned you
human again, Alison.
498
00:22:11,748 --> 00:22:12,791
Ew, no.
499
00:22:12,791 --> 00:22:14,877
I turned back because I knew
I'd be even more popular
500
00:22:14,877 --> 00:22:16,753
if I overcame the adversity
of being a dingo.
501
00:22:16,753 --> 00:22:18,046
Noooo.
502
00:22:18,046 --> 00:22:20,048
♪ You love Daaaad ♪
503
00:22:20,048 --> 00:22:21,341
Shut up!
504
00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:24,303
- [sighs] I guess I didn't have
what it took to be a great coach.
505
00:22:24,303 --> 00:22:27,097
- But you did have what it took
to be a pretty good dad, though.
506
00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:28,640
How was your trip to Mt. Kiera?
507
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,476
Oh, it turns out I have options.
508
00:22:31,476 --> 00:22:32,769
Oh. Well, that's nice.
509
00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:36,607
You know, Vicky, I think things
are really turning around in Dapto.
510
00:22:36,607 --> 00:22:39,026
I've got a good feeling about the future.
511
00:22:41,945 --> 00:22:45,908
[softly] And now I have the DNA ooze.
512
00:22:45,908 --> 00:22:48,327
The Kookaburra!
513
00:22:48,327 --> 00:22:52,956
[laughing hysterically]
514
00:22:53,957 --> 00:22:55,959
♪ theme song playing ♪
515
00:23:31,495 --> 00:23:33,372
♪ fanfare playing ♪
39641
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