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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,211 --> 00:00:04,046 MAXWELL: Every now and again, 2 00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:09,259 the memories come flooding back to the day I changed the world. 3 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,556 - Father, have you heard any news of the Titanic's maiden voyage? 4 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:18,060 "The unsinkable ship" they call it! I sure hope it arrives safely in America. 5 00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:21,104 - Extry, extry! The Titanic has sunk! 6 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:23,232 1,500 dead in freak accident! 7 00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:25,067 All those innocent people! 8 00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:27,319 If only there was something we could have done to save them. 9 00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,988 If not for the Red Hot Rule, we could... 10 00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:31,281 The Red Hot Rule? 11 00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,617 - Maxwell, did you know that being in Australia, 12 00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:36,203 we're actually 15 hours ahead of the USA? 13 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,830 You mean, we're in the future? 14 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:42,918 - Yes. Right now, in the Atlantic, the Titanic has yet to sink. 15 00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:45,170 In fact, if you were to call and warn 'em, 16 00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:48,298 they'd probably have about... five minutes to prepare. 17 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:51,718 But we Australians have sworn to never interfere with the flow of time. 18 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,179 Violating the Red Hot Rule is our greatest crime. 19 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,014 Do you understand, Maxwell? 20 00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,766 [door closes] Maxwell! 21 00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,518 Nooo! 22 00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:03,063 - Sir! It's a telegram from the Australian future! 23 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,357 It says: "G'day mate. Stop. 24 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,818 "Cobba, ya ship's about to crash. Stop. 25 00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:10,487 You have five minutes, I reckon. Stop." 26 00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,948 - Crash? Why would we crash in the next five minutes? 27 00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:14,950 We've already noticed that iceberg over there. 28 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:17,661 What could possibly put us in such unexpected danger? 29 00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:18,912 I don't know, sir. 30 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,915 But maybe we should hold off on opening this cursed sarcophagus? 31 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,042 Ah. Yeah, I suppose you're right. 32 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,711 Take it back down to cargo, 33 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,046 and send Australia our thanks for changing history, will you? 34 00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:30,215 - Father! I did it! I saved-- 35 00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,634 Oh! Father? 36 00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,469 FATHER: Take him away, Time Bobbies. 37 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,847 I have no son. 38 00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:40,100 PRESENT-DAY MAXWELL: I should have listened to my father. 39 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,728 How was I supposed to know about... 40 00:01:42,728 --> 00:01:44,021 her? 41 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,522 ♪ old-time music playing ♪ 42 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:48,609 ♪ Hello, everybody ♪ 43 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:52,779 ♪ I have come to take you back with me ♪ 44 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:56,658 ♪ To a land of liberty... ♪ 45 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:03,290 MAXWELL: She joined the army, led America to victory in two World Wars, 46 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:06,793 and eventually was sworn in as President Mummy. 47 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:09,421 One day, when signing a peace deal, 48 00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:13,675 she fell in love with that commie bastard Brezhnev. 49 00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:17,554 They both abandoned their people for a quiet life on the moon, 50 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,473 which left the world in chaos. 51 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:20,641 [glasses clink] 52 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:25,854 Soon after, the bombs started flying and America became a toxic wasteland, 53 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:30,192 except for Hollywood, which broke off and became a floating island. 54 00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:35,405 But I know the Americans are still out there, biding their time. 55 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:38,367 Waiting for the perfect moment to strike! 56 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,327 Oooh! [glasses shatter] 57 00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:45,249 And that's how I fucked up the future. 58 00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:47,292 ♪ theme song playing ♪ 59 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:15,237 Koala Kode 2,040. 60 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:19,950 Remember: if it doesn't have a collar, it's not a shirt. 61 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,955 LIAM: I never realized how amazing Americans are! 62 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:27,708 Chad Wagon says every meal comes with a side dish of freedom! 63 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,209 Totally awesome sauce. 64 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,586 Liam, please. 65 00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:33,005 I only wanted to come to this ridiculous novelty restaurant 66 00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:34,173 for your twin birthdays 67 00:03:34,173 --> 00:03:36,842 because I thought seeing how America's lawless attitudes 68 00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:38,343 drove them to destruction 69 00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:40,262 would serve as a cautionary tale. 70 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,763 - It's working. This birthday sucks. 71 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,056 Your plan backfired, Dad. 72 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,933 Now I see how boring Australians are. 73 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:47,769 All we care about is footy or sharks or whatever. 74 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,980 Chad Wagon says Americans solve most of their problems 75 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:51,940 through illegal street racing. 76 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,942 [sighs] I wish I were American... 77 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,569 America blew itself up! 78 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,530 That's why all the Americans have come here to a sensible country. 79 00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,490 Hey, everyone, ah... 80 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,367 this is, uh... a robbery. 81 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:03,827 We're fuckin' robbin' youse. 82 00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,121 Yeah, give us ya cash or like... 83 00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:09,166 we'll fuckin' shank ya or some shit. 84 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:10,709 Kevin, do something! 85 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,212 - Yes, I'd say this is a job for Koala Man-- 86 00:04:13,212 --> 00:04:14,630 [engines revving] 87 00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:16,632 ♪ Bon Jovi playing "Raise Your Hands" ♪ 88 00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:17,966 [tires squeal] 89 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,641 Oh, my God, it's Chad Wagon! 90 00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,726 ♪ 91 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,525 ♪ Out on the run, under the gun ♪ 92 00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,360 He's perfect. 93 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,945 I would have gotten here sooner, 94 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:40,489 but parking, am I right, bro? 95 00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:45,327 ♪ Raise your hands when you wanna let it go... ♪ 96 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:48,413 - Can you pretty please teach me how to be a fun, freedom-loving American? 97 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:52,209 - I don't know. Do you have what it takes to be mi familia? 98 00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,253 - Mi familia? - Mi familia. 99 00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:57,422 The family you create when your real family won't accept you for who you are. 100 00:04:57,422 --> 00:05:00,843 - Actually, Liam already has a very accepting and Australian family. 101 00:05:00,843 --> 00:05:03,345 He doesn't need to be infected with your American ideas. 102 00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:07,099 - Dude, I wouldn't listen to this guy. He looks about 5' 7", max. 103 00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:09,101 See ya around, bro. 104 00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:13,605 [sniffing] 105 00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:16,775 [sighs] 106 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:20,445 - Quiet down, you lot. Big Greg has big news. 107 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:24,116 I've just received word that the Queen herself is coming to Dapto. 108 00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:28,453 Anyone wanna volunteer for the absolute dog shit job of keeping Her Majesty safe? 109 00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:30,205 - Oh, I do! Me-me-me! Me! 110 00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:33,834 I have it on good authority that Dapto's handsome and virile superhero Koala Man 111 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,127 would also like to be involved, 112 00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:37,254 uh, perhaps as a means of demonstrating to his son 113 00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:38,630 just how cool Australians can be. 114 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,174 Yeah, yeah, don't care. 115 00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:43,635 One more thing-- 'cause there is fuck all to do in this wonderful town, 116 00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,554 we'll be bringing forward the Miss Sausage Roll Pageant 117 00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:46,972 so the Queen can crown the winner. 118 00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:50,517 Now, I know that this is last minute, but I'm sure we can find some desperate, 119 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,562 psychotic, unpopular losers who want to be Miss Sausage Roll. 120 00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:56,064 Mum, I'm entering Miss Sausage Roll. 121 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,567 But I need you to buy me a new swimsuit! 122 00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:01,111 I got my eye on this one. It barely covers tit and slit. 123 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:03,155 - Language! And I forbid you from entering. 124 00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:06,783 - But, Muuum, if I win, I get to meet the Queen! 125 00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,785 Not even Rosie Yodels has met the Queen! 126 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:10,454 I said no! 127 00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:11,663 You don't understand. 128 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:14,041 You've been a solid five your entire life. 129 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,751 Oh, have I? 130 00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:18,879 [gasps] Mum? You were hot? 131 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:22,049 VICKY: I went after the Miss Sausage Roll crown with everything I had. 132 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,550 And I lost. 133 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,428 All because of Saucy Simmons. 134 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:30,724 Sure, she had a natural advantage, seeing as she was a sausage roll, 135 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:34,144 but I figured, a naive little pastry from the burbs wasn't a threat. 136 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:37,397 But during the finals, Saucy poured a bottle of vegetable oil 137 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,400 all over herself as she did the Sausage Strut. 138 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,695 I slipped on her greasy trail and fell. 139 00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,531 And I saw her laughing. 140 00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:47,950 She wanted me to fall. 141 00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:50,369 That flaky, buttery bitch! 142 00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:53,121 - After I lost, I didn't know who I was anymore. 143 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:55,791 I went on a seven-year bender... 144 00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:57,167 made a lot of friends. 145 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,293 ALISON: What about Dad? 146 00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:01,171 - [sighs] He insisted on calling it a long-distance relationship, 147 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,339 but we were on a break. 148 00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:05,467 After a while, I returned to Dapto and married your father. 149 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:08,929 But if not for Saucy Simmons, I'd have won Miss Sausage Roll, 150 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,889 and everything would be different. 151 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,140 Everything. 152 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,643 You're not entering and that's final. 153 00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:19,898 What are these, you ask? 154 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:23,360 Only top-secret security plans for the Queen's visit! 155 00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:25,487 Cool. 156 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:29,074 - The Queen is coming to visit Dapto! Why aren't you more excited? 157 00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:31,994 - I'd be more excited, but Mum's refusing to train me for Miss Sausage Roll. 158 00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:33,787 For your own good, Alison. 159 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,582 - Ah, I remember your Miss Sausage Roll days, Vicky. 160 00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,375 Some of those pictures really sustained me 161 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,961 through our seven-year long-distance relationship. 162 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,713 Mmm! Yummy! 163 00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:47,301 I'm really enjoying this authentic Australian meat pie, 164 00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:50,679 made with a native Australian animal. 165 00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:51,763 Needs ketchup. 166 00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:55,642 - Liam, in Australia we say "tomato sauce." 167 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,936 - I just don't get why we can't have fries like at Chad Wagon's. 168 00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:00,189 Chips, Liam! They're called chips! 169 00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:01,732 I don't even know who you are anymore! 170 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:02,941 Maybe you never did! 171 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,944 Now I know why I've never fit in with other Australians! 172 00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:09,072 Because in my heart, I've been American all along! 173 00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:10,616 That's what Chad says. 174 00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:13,368 That's right. I went to see Chad after school today. 175 00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,329 - I don't want you hanging around that man! 176 00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:18,123 - You may be my family but you're not my mi familia. 177 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:20,250 Chad says you wouldn't hide behind a mask if you were. 178 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,002 You told him my secret identity?! 179 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,755 That's just... oooh, I'm very cross now. 180 00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:28,133 - Oh, and FYI: tomato sauce is not awesome sauce! 181 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,010 [groans] 182 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,095 Chad Wagon! 183 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:39,144 - I just don't understand why Liam insists on fraternizing with a lawless American. 184 00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:43,524 I can feel it in my willies, this Chad Wagon is bad news. 185 00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:47,528 - Yeah, KM, what did we do to deserve these Americans invading our shores? 186 00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:49,863 - No one could have known the consequences! 187 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:52,074 I just wanted to save the beautiful ship! 188 00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,785 - Oi, I think Maxwell's got a touch of the old dementia, mate. 189 00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:57,996 No! Many years ago, I made a mistake. 190 00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:00,874 I violated the Red Hot Rule. 191 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,751 - What?! What are you talking about? Keep your voice down! 192 00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,086 [laughs] Good joke. 193 00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:06,338 Are you fuckin' crazy, you old bastard? 194 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,090 You want to get nicked by the Time Bobbies? 195 00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:09,341 Already did. 196 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:11,635 Spent 20 years in Time Jail. 197 00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:13,554 If not for me, President Mummy 198 00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:16,014 would have been at the bottom of the sea on the Titanic. 199 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,891 And everything that came after... 200 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,518 It's all my fault! 201 00:09:19,518 --> 00:09:24,147 Mark my words, if Americans are involved, something terrible will happen. 202 00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,984 I'm leaving town! You should too! 203 00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,944 [screaming] 204 00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:32,698 - All right then, see ya tomorrow, Maxwell. 205 00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:34,324 Maxwell's right about one thing. 206 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,869 This American is only going to make things worse. 207 00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:39,663 Maybe it's time he had a chat with... 208 00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:41,456 Koala Man. 209 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:44,543 AKA me. 210 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:47,796 Hello, Mother. 211 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:50,465 You'll never guess who's entered Miss Sausage Roll. 212 00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,426 Saucy Simmons... 213 00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,261 Don't be absurd. She's far too old. 214 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,804 ...Junior! 215 00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:58,056 - She's got her mother's flakes, I'll give her that much. 216 00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,184 And she's the heavy favorite to win. 217 00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:03,270 Unless someone were to come along and defeat her. 218 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:06,190 - Alison, no. You don't know what you're asking. 219 00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:08,692 - You need revenge. I need to become popular. 220 00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:11,820 If you teach me, maybe we can win this thing, together. 221 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,906 [sighs] Very well. 222 00:10:13,906 --> 00:10:18,202 But just know, pageants turn the sweetest women into monsters. 223 00:10:18,202 --> 00:10:21,288 - Mum, I'm a 14-year-old girl. I'm already a monster. 224 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,790 I'm not talking about you, Alison. 225 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,835 [knife whooshes] Time to train. 226 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,128 Yes, Mum. 227 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:31,882 [Chad sighs] 228 00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:34,551 CHAD: I wish you could have seen America in the glory days. 229 00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,428 It was paradise, bro. 230 00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:38,013 So, how did you end up in Dapto? 231 00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:41,016 - Once Hollywood became an island, I knew America was finished. 232 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:44,102 But I couldn't just let American raditude die out. 233 00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,896 So I bought the only ticket I could afford 234 00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:47,981 and came to Australia and opened my restaurant, 235 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:51,443 where every day is red, white, and blue. 236 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,445 - The Australian flag is also red, white, and blue. 237 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:54,696 But ours is better. 238 00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,365 Look, I'm not gonna lie to you. 239 00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:58,951 It isn't easy being an American refugee, kid. 240 00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:01,370 I just wish we had a real home here in Australia, 241 00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:02,996 somewhere we could call our own. 242 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,748 But the Queen will never go for it. 243 00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:07,209 That staunchy fuckin' bitch. 244 00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:10,087 - Maybe we just need to show her how great the American way of life is. 245 00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:11,630 Dude! Killer idea! 246 00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:14,591 We should do a kickass car stunt for her when she comes to Dapto! 247 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:17,219 She'll be so impressed, she'll have to listen to us. 248 00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:21,014 - That would be awesome sauce, but security's gonna be super tight. 249 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,392 - Bro, doesn't your cuck dad have security plans? 250 00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:25,143 You should totally get them. 251 00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:29,064 [whispering] So America can be reborn in the ashes of Australia. 252 00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:30,607 - What's that? - Nothing, nothing. 253 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:33,735 Uh, just, thinking about, uh, hamburgers and hot dogs and stuff. 254 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:37,030 - Oi, Mr. Wagon. Hand over the boy. 255 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,867 Aw, g'day, Captain Australia. 256 00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:42,327 Darn it, that's a good superhero name! 257 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,454 No, resist his charm. 258 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:49,251 In the name of Dapto and all that is good, I command you to stop influencing my son. 259 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,836 - Maybe I don't want to be your son anymore. 260 00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:53,213 - Don't be ridiculous, Liam. Get in the car. 261 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,924 - You want Liam? You gotta race me first. 262 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:58,177 From here to that bridge is exactly a quarter mile. 263 00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:00,554 And I live a quarter mile at a time. 264 00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:04,224 - Correction: four hundred and two point three meters at a time. 265 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,392 Pfft, whatever. 266 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,477 What matters is the winner gets Liam. 267 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,188 Liam! This is insane! 268 00:12:09,188 --> 00:12:11,690 Sounds like your old man's scared, Liam. 269 00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,984 - Of course, he is. He's Australian. 270 00:12:15,027 --> 00:12:17,487 Fine. Let's race, Yank. 271 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:19,239 [engines revving] 272 00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,041 Go! 273 00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:30,209 [tires squealing] 274 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:36,215 MASK: Kevin... wouldn't hurt to go a bit faster, mate. 275 00:12:36,215 --> 00:12:38,717 - I can't, Koala Mask! This is a 60 zone! 276 00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:40,135 MASK: This is a race for our son! 277 00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,303 My son. 278 00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:44,973 Look, Chad may know how to drive fast, but I know Dapto's roads. 279 00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,518 There's a speed bump coming up and a traffic camera after that. 280 00:12:48,644 --> 00:12:50,395 He's going far too fast. 281 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,481 If the bump doesn't get him, the camera will. 282 00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:04,201 Nooo! 283 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:09,206 Lawless American! You cheated! 284 00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,916 You lost, you little bitch. 285 00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:12,543 That was amazing! 286 00:13:12,543 --> 00:13:14,253 And now Liam's mine. 287 00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:15,879 Liam, you're not serious. 288 00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:18,590 [American accent] You're not my mi familia, Koala Man, 289 00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:21,552 and now you're not my family either. 290 00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:25,472 You are Liam Wagon now. 291 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,516 I love you, Chad Wagon. 292 00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:30,269 Please, son, call me Dad Wagon. 293 00:13:30,269 --> 00:13:31,520 [tires squeal] 294 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,313 [Koala Man sobbing] [horn blaring] 295 00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,902 ♪ rock music playing ♪ 296 00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,029 ♪ There comes a time ♪ 297 00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:45,534 ♪ When the world is fighting against you ♪ 298 00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:49,705 ♪ You're feeling its weight on your shoulders ♪ 299 00:13:49,705 --> 00:13:52,749 ♪ Crushing you into dirt ♪ 300 00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,585 ♪ But there comes a time ♪ 301 00:13:54,585 --> 00:13:58,547 ♪ When you face your fears headlong ♪ 302 00:13:58,547 --> 00:14:01,049 ♪ Headstrong ♪ 303 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,510 ♪ This is your moment ♪ 304 00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,387 ♪ Let's turn up the heat ♪ 305 00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:07,556 ♪ It's time to play ♪ 306 00:14:08,140 --> 00:14:10,434 ♪ Stand up and fight! ♪ 307 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:14,730 ♪ Stand up and fight, yeah ♪ 308 00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:16,231 ♪ Stand up for what... ♪ 309 00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:21,403 ♪ Stand up for what is right ♪ 310 00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:23,864 ♪ Stand up and fight! ♪ 311 00:14:25,199 --> 00:14:27,701 KOALA MAN: Oh, Liam, sweet Liam. 312 00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:30,078 How I wish you were here to see this. 313 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:33,081 No. I must focus on the task at hand. 314 00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,791 Protecting the Queen! 315 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:39,796 Oh, looky here, it's Slippy Vicky. 316 00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,340 Shut your face, Saucy. 317 00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:43,675 My daughter is going to crush yours into porridge. 318 00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:46,887 - You need to let go of the past, Vicky. It's actually embarrassing. 319 00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,055 And the present. 320 00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:50,557 Your current life is also very embarrassing. 321 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:53,310 - I think our daughters' performances will be the judge of that. 322 00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,229 With just two contestants left, 323 00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:58,982 it's time for the highlight of the event: the Sausage Strut. 324 00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:02,194 - Alison, I just want to say, I know there's bad blood between our mothers, 325 00:15:02,194 --> 00:15:03,737 but may the best person win. 326 00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:06,198 - You're not a person. You're a fuckin' sausage roll. 327 00:15:06,198 --> 00:15:09,868 - Make some noise for Saucyyyyy Juniooooor! 328 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,412 [crowd cheering] ♪ funky music playing ♪ 329 00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,464 Three nines from the judges! 330 00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,842 That savory girl sure is sweet! 331 00:15:24,842 --> 00:15:28,554 And now, put your oven mitts together for the last finalist: 332 00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:30,722 Alison Williams! 333 00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:32,307 ♪ funky music continues ♪ 334 00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:33,725 - Uggh! [Vicky gasps] 335 00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:35,352 Whoaaa... 336 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:44,987 [crowd gasps] 337 00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:50,200 [cheering and applause] [gasps] 338 00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,496 [cheering and applause] 339 00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:57,916 - Whooo! Fuck you, you lunch order slut! In your face! 340 00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,253 [camera shutters clicking] 341 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,255 [tools clattering] 342 00:16:03,255 --> 00:16:05,299 Dad Wagon, what are you doing? 343 00:16:05,299 --> 00:16:07,634 - Just making a few changes to make your stunt a little more... 344 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,428 memorable. 345 00:16:09,428 --> 00:16:11,889 [lock clicks] D-D-D-Don't worry. 346 00:16:11,889 --> 00:16:13,682 Just a safety precaution. 347 00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:15,851 Now go make Dad Wagon proud! 348 00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:17,644 U-S-A! U-S-A! 349 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,147 BOTH: U-S-A! U-S-A! 350 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:22,733 [tires screeching] 351 00:16:22,733 --> 00:16:26,528 - And now, here to crown Miss Sausage Roll, 352 00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:30,741 the Queen of Australia, Nicole Kidman! 353 00:16:30,741 --> 00:16:33,035 ♪ fanfare playing ♪ [cheering] 354 00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:34,953 Hooly dooly, Dapto. 355 00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:37,539 It's a bloody honor to be here. 356 00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:41,251 - To think, there's my Alison standing next to the Queen of Australia. 357 00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:43,003 [engine revving] What's that? 358 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,464 There shouldn't be any cars within the perimeter! 359 00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,884 Alright, bit of shush now. 360 00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:52,804 Funny story, when I was little, I thought I'd move to America 361 00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:55,349 and enter an arranged marriage with a space messiah 362 00:16:55,349 --> 00:16:58,185 before settling into a series of prestige television dramas 363 00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,270 where I'd play sad mums in cardigans. 364 00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:06,527 But after America fell, I decided to stay here and become your queen. 365 00:17:06,527 --> 00:17:07,903 [cheering] Pretty cool, huh? 366 00:17:07,903 --> 00:17:10,822 Anyway, congrats, Miss Sausage Roll! 367 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:12,282 [revving] 368 00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:14,368 COMPUTER: Autopilot activated. 369 00:17:14,368 --> 00:17:19,498 Kill Queen, frame Liam, reboot Australia into America 2.0. 370 00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:21,875 - What? [tires squeal] 371 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,294 No, no, no no! 372 00:17:27,798 --> 00:17:29,758 Noooooo! 373 00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:32,052 WOMAN: [singing] ♪ ...everybody ♪ 374 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:35,097 ♪ I have come to take you back with-- ♪ 375 00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:36,890 REPORTER: Breaking news: the Queen of Australia 376 00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:39,643 has just been grilled to death on the hood of a race car, 377 00:17:39,643 --> 00:17:42,187 driven by a small boy, who has tragically died at the scene. 378 00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,939 A muscly American man is claiming 379 00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:46,859 to be Australia's new leader, and we're all kind of going with it. 380 00:17:46,859 --> 00:17:50,654 - Oh, no, Maxwell! You mustn't change the past! 381 00:17:50,654 --> 00:17:52,447 REPORTER: Anyway, we all live in America 2.0 now, 382 00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:54,825 and it's totally awesome sauce! 383 00:17:54,825 --> 00:17:57,786 - Ooh! Blasphemy! To hell with the law! 384 00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:59,371 [line ringing] 385 00:17:59,371 --> 00:18:00,956 [whimpering] 386 00:18:00,956 --> 00:18:03,166 [ringing continues] 387 00:18:04,293 --> 00:18:07,713 Pick up, Koala Man, pick up! 388 00:18:07,713 --> 00:18:11,800 - To think, there's my Alison standing next to the Queen of Australia. 389 00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:14,428 I wish Liam was here to see this. [tires squeal] 390 00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:17,097 What's that? There shouldn't be any cars within the perimeter! 391 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:18,724 [phone buzzes] 392 00:18:18,724 --> 00:18:20,184 Hey, Maxwell... 393 00:18:20,184 --> 00:18:23,270 Oh, my God! Thank you for warning me! 394 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:26,648 Though you have broken the Red Hot Rule, and I'm gonna have to dob you in, mate. 395 00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:28,442 Yeah, I'm gonna have to tell the authorities. 396 00:18:28,442 --> 00:18:30,402 Yeah, you can't-- you broke the law, mate. 397 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,905 Yeah, it's alright. Okay. 398 00:18:32,905 --> 00:18:35,282 Yeah, no worries. See ya later. Alright, bye. 399 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,241 One minute. 400 00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:40,287 Time to save my son, Queen Nicole Kidman, and all of Australia! 401 00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:41,705 QUEEN NICOLE KIDMAN: Pretty cool, huh? 402 00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:44,750 Anyway, congrats, Miss Sausage Roll! [applause] 403 00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:45,876 I did it. 404 00:18:45,876 --> 00:18:48,837 I'll be the most powerful girl in school by tomorrow. 405 00:18:48,837 --> 00:18:51,882 I'm so happy. This is the best moment of my life. 406 00:18:51,882 --> 00:18:53,759 [car revving] 407 00:18:53,759 --> 00:18:55,552 [thuds] 408 00:18:58,597 --> 00:19:00,724 Alison! The Queen! 409 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,229 [Saucy gasps] 410 00:19:05,771 --> 00:19:09,274 [screams] 411 00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:13,403 Agh! They've grilled my girl! 412 00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:16,782 No, no, no! 413 00:19:16,782 --> 00:19:18,534 Ahhhh! 414 00:19:18,534 --> 00:19:20,035 [panting] 415 00:19:20,035 --> 00:19:24,456 [screams] 416 00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:25,666 [lock clicks] 417 00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:28,919 Ahhh! [explosion] 418 00:19:28,919 --> 00:19:30,295 [crowd gasps] 419 00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,214 [sizzling] 420 00:19:32,214 --> 00:19:34,258 Saucy Junior saved my life. 421 00:19:34,258 --> 00:19:38,220 She deserves to posthumously win Miss Sausage Roll, not Alison! 422 00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:41,890 Oh, my God! No! I was so close! 423 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:45,936 [camera shutters click] 424 00:19:45,936 --> 00:19:47,938 A heartbreaking chain of events. 425 00:19:47,938 --> 00:19:53,026 If I may propose a moment of silence for that brave sausage roll. 426 00:19:54,111 --> 00:19:56,613 Anyway, who's excited for the raffle? 427 00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,824 [cheering] 428 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,286 [man running, panting] 429 00:20:02,286 --> 00:20:04,121 Son, what happened with the stunt? 430 00:20:04,121 --> 00:20:05,330 You were gonna frame me! 431 00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:08,166 - Sacrifices gotta be made for the U-S of A, dawg! 432 00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:09,418 I thought you understood. 433 00:20:09,418 --> 00:20:11,837 We could've brought America back, right here in Australia. 434 00:20:11,837 --> 00:20:15,424 America 2.0, bro. All you had to do was kill the Queen. 435 00:20:15,424 --> 00:20:18,343 Hey, Chad, get away from my son! 436 00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,470 - Dad! - Mr. Wagon, 437 00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:23,182 I demand you leave Dapto at once! 438 00:20:23,182 --> 00:20:25,350 - Or what? You wanna race for it? 439 00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:28,937 - No. That's the problem with you lawless Americans. 440 00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:32,774 You're brash, arrogant, overmuscled buffoons. 441 00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:33,859 You can't say that to me. 442 00:20:33,859 --> 00:20:38,030 - I can say whatever I want to you because of the First Amendment. 443 00:20:38,030 --> 00:20:39,198 [hisses] 444 00:20:39,198 --> 00:20:40,991 I realize now, to beat an American, 445 00:20:40,991 --> 00:20:43,785 I must understand Americans and try to share my son's passion. 446 00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:45,787 And there's nothing you Americans are more passionate about 447 00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,331 than freedom of speech! 448 00:20:47,331 --> 00:20:50,209 Isn't that right, you filthy... drongo. 449 00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:52,836 No, stop! 450 00:20:52,836 --> 00:20:55,297 - You bloody wanker! - No, no, stop! 451 00:20:55,297 --> 00:20:57,549 - Knobhead! - [high-pitched voice] No, no! 452 00:20:57,549 --> 00:20:58,759 No! Leave me alone! 453 00:20:58,759 --> 00:21:00,969 Chad! Was any of it real? 454 00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:03,347 Was I ever your... mi familia? 455 00:21:03,347 --> 00:21:06,642 - Liam, you'll always be my mi famil-- 456 00:21:10,604 --> 00:21:12,022 Just desserts. 457 00:21:12,022 --> 00:21:14,691 - Sorry, Dad. I don't know what came over me. 458 00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,652 [sighs] I understand, Liam. 459 00:21:16,652 --> 00:21:18,570 You fell under the spell of America. 460 00:21:18,570 --> 00:21:20,531 I did, too, when I was your age. 461 00:21:20,531 --> 00:21:22,282 But we're Australian, Liam. 462 00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:24,368 And we have to make the best of what we have. 463 00:21:27,538 --> 00:21:29,498 LIAM: Can I still say "ketchup" sometimes? 464 00:21:30,582 --> 00:21:31,792 KOALA MAN: I'll think about it. 465 00:21:31,792 --> 00:21:32,918 [groaning] 466 00:21:32,918 --> 00:21:36,088 ♪ fanfare playing ♪ 467 00:21:36,088 --> 00:21:39,591 - Drop the charges, Time Bobbies, he saved my life. 468 00:21:39,591 --> 00:21:41,927 C'mon, Maxwell, let's get you home. 469 00:21:41,927 --> 00:21:44,721 Oh, bless you, Your Majesty! 470 00:21:44,721 --> 00:21:49,142 ♪ fanfare playing ♪ 471 00:21:51,103 --> 00:21:53,063 ♪ somber music playing ♪ 472 00:21:53,063 --> 00:21:55,691 They really went all out for her. 473 00:21:55,691 --> 00:21:58,193 Alison, how are you feeling after losing? 474 00:21:58,193 --> 00:22:00,070 Do you feel like going on a seven-year bender 475 00:22:00,070 --> 00:22:03,240 and settling into a life of quiet desperation? Hmm? 476 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,575 How do I feel? 477 00:22:04,575 --> 00:22:09,580 [laughing maniacally] ♪ ominous music playing ♪ 478 00:22:09,580 --> 00:22:11,582 I feel fine, actually. 479 00:22:11,582 --> 00:22:12,708 Huh. 480 00:22:12,708 --> 00:22:16,712 I guess one disappointment doesn't have to dictate the course of your entire life. 481 00:22:16,712 --> 00:22:20,799 Maybe things would have been exactly the same even if I won. 482 00:22:20,799 --> 00:22:23,677 I would have ended up here anyway... Hmm. 483 00:22:23,677 --> 00:22:25,053 That coffin's empty, you know. 484 00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:27,139 They fed Saucy Junior to needy families. 485 00:22:27,139 --> 00:22:29,099 An Australian hero. 486 00:22:29,099 --> 00:22:30,350 Just like you, Dad. 487 00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:32,936 Hmm. I suppose I am. 488 00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:37,566 [thunder rumbles] 489 00:22:44,031 --> 00:22:46,450 Chad! Mi familia... 490 00:22:52,456 --> 00:22:57,336 President Mummy shall have her revenge! 491 00:22:59,588 --> 00:23:01,298 ♪ theme song playing ♪ 492 00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:38,794 ♪ fanfare playing ♪ 38316

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