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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:04,563 {\an2}This programme contains strong language. 2 00:00:04,603 --> 00:00:05,723 {\an1}BABY CRIES 3 00:00:05,763 --> 00:00:08,283 {\an2}Thank you. Brother Lewis. 4 00:00:08,323 --> 00:00:10,003 {\an2}Could I speak to the elders before you? 5 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:12,603 {\an2}My baby's not well and I really need their advice. 6 00:00:12,643 --> 00:00:13,643 {\an2}That does sound urgent. 7 00:00:13,683 --> 00:00:15,963 {\an2}You should see them as soon as you've waited your turn. 8 00:00:16,003 --> 00:00:17,003 {\an1}DOOR OPENS 9 00:00:17,043 --> 00:00:18,323 {\an2}Next! 10 00:00:20,923 --> 00:00:22,043 {\an2}Why wasn't I promoted? 11 00:00:22,083 --> 00:00:26,323 {\an2}A reminder, this drop-in is for urgent matters of faith, David. 12 00:00:26,363 --> 00:00:29,163 {\an2}Yes. And we don't consider being made elder a promotion. 13 00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:31,523 {\an2}Yes. Do you still want to ask your question? 14 00:00:31,563 --> 00:00:35,163 {\an2}I do. Elder Abijah, you can cover this. 15 00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,323 {\an2}I've actually got to... You'll cover it. 16 00:00:37,363 --> 00:00:39,003 {\an1}HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY 17 00:00:39,043 --> 00:00:42,803 {\an2}So, David, you should know the vote wasn't unanimous. 18 00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:48,083 {\an2}Sure, 11 elders voted for Andrew, but one voted for... 19 00:00:48,123 --> 00:00:50,443 {\an2}Oh, no, no. 20 00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:53,003 {\an2}Elder Danforth's vote was void. He's 91. 21 00:00:53,043 --> 00:00:57,283 {\an2}He ticked both boxes and then posted the slip through his own letterbox. 22 00:00:57,323 --> 00:00:58,843 {\an2}But we did have lots of applicants. 23 00:00:58,883 --> 00:01:02,003 {\an2}Who applied apart from me and Andrew? 24 00:01:02,043 --> 00:01:04,363 {\an2}The point is that God loves you, 25 00:01:04,403 --> 00:01:07,603 {\an2}and I'd encourage you to focus on that, eh? 26 00:01:07,643 --> 00:01:08,923 {\an2}What do you say? 27 00:01:08,963 --> 00:01:11,443 {\an2}The big G invites you to bask in his love. 28 00:01:11,483 --> 00:01:14,683 {\an2}Are you going to RSVP with a big, fat hallelujah? 29 00:01:14,723 --> 00:01:16,603 {\an2}No. Was it Andrew's cologne? 30 00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,523 {\an2}The man smells like an embalmed king. 31 00:01:18,563 --> 00:01:20,443 {\an2}He does smell nice. Um... 32 00:01:20,483 --> 00:01:23,363 {\an2}All I'd say is that we'd encourage you to look within. 33 00:01:23,403 --> 00:01:26,323 {\an2}As Jesus says, first, take the log out of your own eye, 34 00:01:26,363 --> 00:01:27,763 {\an2}but don't worry too much. 35 00:01:27,803 --> 00:01:30,283 {\an2}The order's about having fun, too. 36 00:01:31,843 --> 00:01:33,643 {\an2}Is that caffeine-free cola? 37 00:01:33,683 --> 00:01:37,243 {\an2}No, David, this is the forbidden full caf. 38 00:01:37,283 --> 00:01:39,523 {\an2}Last week I shared some of this with a non-believer, 39 00:01:39,563 --> 00:01:42,803 {\an2}just to show that us order peeps also know how to have a good time. 40 00:01:42,843 --> 00:01:45,083 {\an2}I don't think the other elders are going to begrudge me 41 00:01:45,123 --> 00:01:47,923 {\an2}a tiny little caffeine boost. 42 00:01:47,963 --> 00:01:50,683 {\an2}Put that cola down. 43 00:01:53,763 --> 00:01:56,683 {\an2}I'll deposit it in the outside bin. 44 00:01:56,723 --> 00:01:59,283 {\an2}I wish I could trust you to do that. 45 00:02:01,483 --> 00:02:03,243 {\an2}Elder Samson's such a joker. 46 00:02:03,283 --> 00:02:05,203 {\an2}He told me if I'd joined his old congregation, 47 00:02:05,243 --> 00:02:08,083 {\an2}I'd never have been made elder. He makes that joke a lot. 48 00:02:08,123 --> 00:02:09,283 {\an2}See you, David. 49 00:02:11,483 --> 00:02:13,323 {\an1}BABY GRIZZLES 50 00:02:13,363 --> 00:02:15,043 {\an2}Your turn. 51 00:02:32,923 --> 00:02:34,683 {\an1}CAR HORN HONKS 52 00:02:36,403 --> 00:02:38,203 {\an2}Fiona! 53 00:02:38,243 --> 00:02:40,723 {\an2}That's a lot of shopping. Didn't feel like driving? 54 00:02:40,763 --> 00:02:43,403 {\an2}No, the car gets me home faster, which means more time to kill, 55 00:02:43,443 --> 00:02:45,683 {\an2}which means to do things like overgroom the cat 56 00:02:45,723 --> 00:02:47,923 {\an2}or run a wash cycle just to watch the drum go round. 57 00:02:47,963 --> 00:02:50,203 {\an2}Well, I'd ask you more, but I don't want to be sad. 58 00:02:50,243 --> 00:02:52,043 {\an2}Would you like 150 utility bags? 59 00:02:53,683 --> 00:02:55,283 {\an2}Need more context? Yes, please. 60 00:02:55,323 --> 00:02:57,363 {\an2}I've just upsized my designer furniture shop 61 00:02:57,403 --> 00:03:00,203 {\an2}and the new premises is rammed with unsold stock. 62 00:03:00,243 --> 00:03:01,523 {\an2}So business is good? 63 00:03:01,563 --> 00:03:03,203 {\an2}Divorce is good. 64 00:03:03,243 --> 00:03:06,403 {\an2}I got 80% of the house and a shocking chunk of her pension. 65 00:03:06,443 --> 00:03:08,203 {\an2}Why did you think of me? 66 00:03:08,243 --> 00:03:09,483 {\an2}Your religion. 67 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:13,043 {\an2}See, someone like me might describe this as hideous, 68 00:03:13,083 --> 00:03:14,403 {\an2}whereas someone like you... 69 00:03:14,443 --> 00:03:17,923 {\an2}Might see that it could hold upwards of 50 preaching pamphlets. 70 00:03:17,963 --> 00:03:19,923 {\an2}And any surplus, you could sell on, 71 00:03:19,963 --> 00:03:21,083 {\an2}As a sort of side hustle. 72 00:03:21,123 --> 00:03:22,203 {\an2}Like my own business? 73 00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:24,923 {\an2}Exactly. The order says women will be fulfilled 74 00:03:24,963 --> 00:03:26,203 {\an2}by making the home their work. 75 00:03:26,243 --> 00:03:28,563 {\an2}And have you personally found that? 76 00:03:28,603 --> 00:03:31,523 {\an2}No, but I've only been doing it 17 years. 77 00:03:31,563 --> 00:03:33,483 {\an2}You'd be helping me out. Good Christian act. 78 00:03:33,523 --> 00:03:34,803 {\an2}You are Christian, aren't you? 79 00:03:34,843 --> 00:03:37,563 {\an2}Just checking I've got the right pressure points. Want to hop in? 80 00:03:37,603 --> 00:03:42,443 {\an2}Really? Of course. You're taking the bags, yeah? Yes. Of course. 81 00:03:44,523 --> 00:03:45,723 {\an1}VAPE HISSES 82 00:03:45,763 --> 00:03:47,643 {\an2}So are your parents proud of your grades? 83 00:03:47,683 --> 00:03:51,323 {\an2}They told me that university was a path to vice. 84 00:03:51,363 --> 00:03:54,803 {\an2}It's a path to freedom, knowledge and self-expression. 85 00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:56,883 {\an2}They think those things are vice. 86 00:03:56,923 --> 00:04:00,203 {\an2}And you still want to do medicine? 87 00:04:00,243 --> 00:04:03,323 {\an2}Yes, but dad says a six-year course is pointless 88 00:04:03,363 --> 00:04:07,043 {\an2}because God will shatter the Earth by 2025. Yeah. 89 00:04:07,083 --> 00:04:08,643 {\an2}This is for work experience. 90 00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:10,323 {\an2}You'll need it if you want to stand out. 91 00:04:10,363 --> 00:04:13,083 {\an2}Coldhurst retirement home. Well, you can't become a doctor 92 00:04:13,123 --> 00:04:15,763 {\an2}until a ward of pensioners have mistaken you for their daughter. 93 00:04:15,803 --> 00:04:16,963 {\an2}Plus, it'll be motivating. 94 00:04:17,003 --> 00:04:19,323 {\an2}They'll tell you all about their unfulfilled dreams. 95 00:04:19,363 --> 00:04:20,723 {\an2}I just need your mobile number. 96 00:04:20,763 --> 00:04:22,683 {\an2}I don't have a mobile. Your home phone, then? 97 00:04:22,723 --> 00:04:24,443 {\an2}Oh, I'd never get there before Dad. 98 00:04:24,483 --> 00:04:26,203 {\an2}He thinks we get charged per ring. 99 00:04:27,363 --> 00:04:30,963 {\an2}Rachel, I don't want to alarm you, but this is a competitive field. 100 00:04:31,003 --> 00:04:34,163 {\an2}Some of the girls you're up against will have telephones. 101 00:04:36,483 --> 00:04:37,843 {\an2}OK. 102 00:04:37,883 --> 00:04:40,763 {\an2}I'll get a phone. Great. 103 00:04:40,803 --> 00:04:44,163 {\an2}In six short years, you could get your medical licence, sell out, 104 00:04:44,203 --> 00:04:45,923 {\an2}and then become a TikTok medfluencer 105 00:04:45,963 --> 00:04:48,683 {\an2}making seven figures off the ignorance of the vulnerable. 106 00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:50,203 {\an2}Do not squander that. 107 00:04:52,643 --> 00:04:54,403 {\an8}Sorry, Gideon, I'll put it down gently. 108 00:04:54,443 --> 00:04:57,683 {\an8}I know you don't like loud noises. 109 00:04:57,723 --> 00:04:59,443 {\an2}Not on this table, David! 110 00:04:59,483 --> 00:05:01,403 {\an2}There was two centimetres of clearance, Fiona. 111 00:05:01,443 --> 00:05:04,043 {\an2}Any damage to that cat is purely psychological. 112 00:05:04,083 --> 00:05:05,243 {\an2}Family meeting! 113 00:05:07,443 --> 00:05:09,963 {\an2}So I'm sure you're wondering why I wasn't promoted. 114 00:05:10,003 --> 00:05:13,003 {\an2}Well, the elders have revealed the truth, 115 00:05:13,043 --> 00:05:15,403 {\an2}and the reason... was you. 116 00:05:15,443 --> 00:05:17,323 {\an2}That's what they said, was it? 117 00:05:17,363 --> 00:05:19,043 {\an2}They said to remove the log from your eye. 118 00:05:19,083 --> 00:05:22,723 {\an2}And after much soul-searching, I realised that log is my family. 119 00:05:22,763 --> 00:05:24,683 {\an2}This is from the archives to help us. 120 00:05:24,723 --> 00:05:26,723 {\an2}Are those the original order rules? 121 00:05:26,763 --> 00:05:28,483 {\an2}Nobody follows them, David. 122 00:05:28,523 --> 00:05:30,243 {\an2}They're weird and outmoded. 123 00:05:30,283 --> 00:05:31,723 {\an2}There's a map of Israel in there 124 00:05:31,763 --> 00:05:33,483 {\an2}I don't think any side would agree with. 125 00:05:33,523 --> 00:05:36,963 {\an2}God's rule is law. It says here not to eat bison on the new moon. 126 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,923 {\an2}And I'll give that up, Aaron. 127 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:41,363 {\an2}For God, we need to confront our decadence. 128 00:05:41,403 --> 00:05:46,203 {\an2}Dad, I was just wondering... what's going on? 129 00:05:46,243 --> 00:05:48,243 {\an2}Your father's just subjugating the family. 130 00:05:48,283 --> 00:05:49,723 {\an2}What was your question? 131 00:05:49,763 --> 00:05:52,843 {\an2}So, most girls my age have mobile phones, 132 00:05:52,883 --> 00:05:54,643 {\an2}so I was just wondering 133 00:05:54,683 --> 00:05:57,723 {\an2}if I needed to call while I was out ministering. 134 00:05:57,763 --> 00:05:58,843 {\an2}We minister as a family. 135 00:05:58,883 --> 00:06:02,243 {\an2}You're usually inside and always within screaming distance. 136 00:06:02,283 --> 00:06:04,483 {\an2}But since you're keen to minister solo, 137 00:06:04,523 --> 00:06:07,523 {\an2}how about you preach two hours each evening for the week? 138 00:06:08,883 --> 00:06:10,763 {\an2}Was that just a suggestion? 139 00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:12,083 {\an2}It started as a suggestion. 140 00:06:12,123 --> 00:06:13,523 {\an2}Then it was a good idea. 141 00:06:13,563 --> 00:06:17,083 {\an2}And now it's a command, an immutable command. 142 00:06:18,923 --> 00:06:21,283 {\an2}Well, David, if you're done disappointing your daughter, 143 00:06:21,323 --> 00:06:22,763 {\an2}I'll get back to my preaching bags. 144 00:06:22,803 --> 00:06:24,803 {\an2}Melissa gave them to me. 145 00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:26,323 {\an2}I'm selling them online. 146 00:06:26,363 --> 00:06:28,123 {\an2}Selling them? Whoa, whoa, whoa. 147 00:06:28,163 --> 00:06:29,963 {\an2}Put down that merchandise. Put it down. 148 00:06:30,003 --> 00:06:32,123 {\an2}The book says women can't work in online retail? 149 00:06:32,163 --> 00:06:35,363 {\an2}It says womenfolk have no place in the agora, 150 00:06:35,403 --> 00:06:36,723 {\an2}the eBay of the time. 151 00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:39,603 {\an2}You want to kill my ambition for a rule you learnt two minutes ago? 152 00:06:39,643 --> 00:06:40,923 {\an2}Of course I don't. 153 00:06:40,963 --> 00:06:41,963 {\an2}OK. 154 00:06:42,003 --> 00:06:43,603 {\an2}God does. 155 00:06:45,123 --> 00:06:48,363 {\an2}Now, Aaron, my beady eye turns to you. 156 00:06:48,403 --> 00:06:50,003 {\an2}Drawn us in hell? 157 00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,443 {\an2}Don't hate the truth, Dad. 158 00:06:51,483 --> 00:06:54,883 {\an2}The Romans hated it so much that they nailed it to the cross. 159 00:06:54,923 --> 00:06:56,243 {\an1}KNOCKING AT DOOR 160 00:06:57,643 --> 00:06:59,403 {\an2}I'm coming back to fix you. 161 00:07:02,203 --> 00:07:05,523 {\an2}Hi, David. Just stopping by for a friendly visit. 162 00:07:08,763 --> 00:07:10,683 {\an2}Are you gonna remove the chain, or...? 163 00:07:15,683 --> 00:07:16,883 {\an2}How's being an elder? 164 00:07:16,923 --> 00:07:18,643 {\an2}Lots of unpleasant responsibilities? 165 00:07:18,683 --> 00:07:21,643 {\an2}Well, the first duty's been deciding which Biblical name to take. 166 00:07:21,683 --> 00:07:25,003 {\an2}And the one I've gone for is - you'll really like this, David - 167 00:07:25,043 --> 00:07:26,083 {\an2}Elder... 168 00:07:26,123 --> 00:07:28,483 {\an2}..Andrew. 169 00:07:31,043 --> 00:07:32,763 {\an2}Make a point or leave, please. 170 00:07:32,803 --> 00:07:35,203 {\an2}How are you getting on with our good friend Joel? 171 00:07:35,243 --> 00:07:36,243 {\an2}Oh, Joel. 172 00:07:36,283 --> 00:07:37,843 {\an2}I'll make a start with him soon. 173 00:07:37,883 --> 00:07:39,483 {\an2}Aren't you due to be speaking to him now? 174 00:07:39,523 --> 00:07:41,603 {\an2}It's just that he's been sending me text messages. 175 00:07:41,643 --> 00:07:43,603 {\an2}"Looking forward to the meeting in 20 minutes." 176 00:07:43,643 --> 00:07:45,123 {\an2}Then, "Should be here in ten." 177 00:07:45,163 --> 00:07:49,203 {\an2}Then, "He's not here." Then, "He's not coming, is he?" 178 00:07:49,243 --> 00:07:50,323 {\an2}Oh, fine. 179 00:07:50,363 --> 00:07:52,083 {\an2}I'll do it. Thanks, David. 180 00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:54,923 {\an2}If you ever need anything... Oh! 181 00:07:54,963 --> 00:07:58,963 {\an2}So the seeds that fell on the fertile soil, they became... 182 00:07:59,003 --> 00:08:02,883 {\an2}Do you ever mark people down to never be visited again? 183 00:08:02,923 --> 00:08:08,083 {\an2}We have a blacklist for people who abuse or swear us. 184 00:08:08,123 --> 00:08:09,163 {\an2}Right. 185 00:08:09,203 --> 00:08:10,203 {\an2}Um... 186 00:08:10,243 --> 00:08:13,683 {\an2}Fuck... Fuck... off? 187 00:08:13,723 --> 00:08:16,003 {\an2}Am I on the blacklist now? Sure. 188 00:08:16,043 --> 00:08:18,243 {\an2}Thanks. Thanks so much. 189 00:08:29,483 --> 00:08:31,283 {\an2}I can't talk to you, you know. 190 00:08:34,123 --> 00:08:38,283 {\an2}This is my first preaching visit to this non-believer. 191 00:08:38,323 --> 00:08:41,403 {\an2}Do you want to brief me on any salient information? 192 00:08:41,443 --> 00:08:43,083 {\an2}There is no salient information. 193 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,483 {\an2}Non-believers are all the same, 194 00:08:44,523 --> 00:08:46,603 {\an2}dead-eyed clones blocking out the truth. 195 00:08:46,643 --> 00:08:47,923 {\an2}How about his name? 196 00:08:47,963 --> 00:08:49,163 {\an2}Clones, Aaron. 197 00:08:49,203 --> 00:08:50,723 {\an2}They're clones. 198 00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:52,963 {\an2}Right. This is where I fix you. 199 00:08:53,003 --> 00:08:54,763 {\an1}HE KNOCKS 200 00:08:54,803 --> 00:08:57,043 {\an2}You're about to watch a master at work. 201 00:08:57,083 --> 00:09:00,643 {\an2}You'll see the Bible speak through me as a divine envoy. 202 00:09:00,683 --> 00:09:02,963 {\an2}Ah, David, you're finally... Out of the way. 203 00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:04,643 {\an2}We're here to save you. 204 00:09:07,043 --> 00:09:09,643 {\an2}You don't mind my son being here while I minister, do you? 205 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:13,443 {\an2}Well, some of the stuff's quite, um... intimate. 206 00:09:13,483 --> 00:09:16,523 {\an2}Great. Let's start with that. If you prefer, I can leave the room. 207 00:09:16,563 --> 00:09:19,723 {\an2}No, Aaron, you have a right to hear this man's depraved life story. 208 00:09:19,763 --> 00:09:22,083 {\an2}I thought you said no judgment. Please. 209 00:09:22,123 --> 00:09:24,563 {\an2}I'm talking to my son. 210 00:09:24,603 --> 00:09:27,443 {\an2}Now, I'm going to listen in quiet humility, OK? 211 00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:32,403 {\an2}Well, my girlfriend left me six weeks ago. 212 00:09:35,563 --> 00:09:36,603 {\an2}Oh, wow. 213 00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:38,723 {\an2}I love getting these. One sec. 214 00:09:42,723 --> 00:09:44,723 {\an1}SHREDDER WHIRS 215 00:10:01,163 --> 00:10:04,363 {\an2}Right, second day of your journey to salvation. 216 00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:07,403 {\an2}So it's really just you doing these visits? 217 00:10:07,443 --> 00:10:10,363 {\an2}Because Andrew seems so nice. 218 00:10:10,403 --> 00:10:13,003 {\an2}Do you only have two types of biscuits? 219 00:10:13,043 --> 00:10:14,083 {\an2}Yep. 220 00:10:14,123 --> 00:10:16,723 {\an2}So you ignored yesterday's feedback. OK. 221 00:10:21,843 --> 00:10:25,163 {\an2}So what's it like being a kid in the order world? 222 00:10:25,203 --> 00:10:27,083 {\an2}Worldly kids at school make fun of me, 223 00:10:27,123 --> 00:10:29,763 {\an2}but in the afterlife, I'll get to watch them burn 224 00:10:29,803 --> 00:10:31,523 {\an2}through my own special window. 225 00:10:31,563 --> 00:10:34,323 {\an2}Your window? It'll be my personal paradise, Joel. 226 00:10:34,363 --> 00:10:36,003 {\an2}There will be a window. 227 00:10:37,763 --> 00:10:39,723 {\an2}Oh, please, use a coaster. 228 00:10:39,763 --> 00:10:43,083 {\an2}It's an original Noguchi coffee table. 229 00:10:43,123 --> 00:10:44,723 {\an2}My ex bought it for me. 230 00:10:44,763 --> 00:10:47,403 {\an2}Joel, we're guests in your house. 231 00:10:47,443 --> 00:10:49,443 {\an2}Of course I'll respect the rules. 232 00:10:54,643 --> 00:10:57,683 {\an2}So, let's talk about your relationship's most painful moments. 233 00:10:57,723 --> 00:11:00,323 {\an2}Just four or five examples. Go. 234 00:11:14,923 --> 00:11:16,043 {\an2}I can't have coffee. 235 00:11:17,523 --> 00:11:18,523 {\an2}No stimulants. 236 00:11:19,963 --> 00:11:20,963 {\an2}It's decaf. 237 00:11:22,003 --> 00:11:23,003 {\an2}Oh. 238 00:11:23,043 --> 00:11:24,043 {\an1}DOG WHINES 239 00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:27,403 {\an2}I'm good at remembering weird rules that were screamed at me aged nine. 240 00:11:27,443 --> 00:11:29,363 {\an2}Once, I accidentally ate some tiramisu. 241 00:11:29,403 --> 00:11:31,083 {\an2}My dad said I had to throw it up. 242 00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:34,723 {\an2}Did you? Did I make myself sick just because someone told me to? 243 00:11:34,763 --> 00:11:38,563 {\an2}Yes. I thought you said you weren't allowed to talk to me. 244 00:11:38,603 --> 00:11:40,003 {\an2}Well, I'm not talking to you, 245 00:11:40,043 --> 00:11:42,883 {\an2}just thanking a stranger for coffee. Nice. 246 00:11:42,923 --> 00:11:43,923 {\an1}DOG BARKS 247 00:11:43,963 --> 00:11:47,483 {\an2}No, no! Keeps trying to run off. His name's Ricky Hatton, 248 00:11:47,523 --> 00:11:49,403 {\an2}so calling out for him's a bit weird. 249 00:11:49,443 --> 00:11:52,003 {\an2}Can you not just call him Ricky? 250 00:11:52,043 --> 00:11:53,443 {\an2}He only responds to the full name. 251 00:11:53,483 --> 00:11:57,003 {\an2}Why are you doing so much door to door? 252 00:11:57,043 --> 00:11:58,763 {\an2}I asked my dad for a phone and instead, 253 00:11:58,803 --> 00:12:01,043 {\an2}he took away all my evenings for a week. 254 00:12:01,083 --> 00:12:02,723 {\an2}What do you need a phone for? 255 00:12:02,763 --> 00:12:06,963 {\an2}Work experience, which I need if I want to go to uni and... 256 00:12:07,003 --> 00:12:09,283 {\an2}..be a doctor. ..Get away from the order. 257 00:12:10,323 --> 00:12:11,803 {\an2}Well, enjoy the decaf. 258 00:12:11,843 --> 00:12:13,563 {\an2}Real coffee's great, 259 00:12:13,603 --> 00:12:17,163 {\an2}but I guess that's the price of living in fear. 260 00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:18,243 {\an2}I don't live in fear. 261 00:12:20,603 --> 00:12:22,003 {\an2}Oh, shit. 262 00:12:23,203 --> 00:12:25,323 {\an2}Oh, I think this is the decaf. 263 00:12:26,763 --> 00:12:29,643 {\an2}Oh! Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh. 264 00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:34,843 {\an2}They were both decaf, Rachel. 265 00:12:36,603 --> 00:12:37,923 {\an2}Ugh! 266 00:12:38,523 --> 00:12:40,403 {\an2}See you tomorrow. 267 00:12:48,763 --> 00:12:53,923 {\an2}So Aaron, it's been three visits now and I haven't felt much community. 268 00:12:53,963 --> 00:12:56,803 {\an2}Do you feel you have a community? Sure. 269 00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:59,803 {\an2}I mean, I haven't got any friends, but I draw lots. 270 00:12:59,843 --> 00:13:00,843 {\an2}Look. 271 00:13:03,163 --> 00:13:04,883 {\an2}David, where did you find that cup? 272 00:13:04,923 --> 00:13:07,723 {\an2}Oh, from some chintzy armoire in your hallway. 273 00:13:07,763 --> 00:13:10,083 {\an2}My antique cabinet - that's not meant to be drunk out of. 274 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,883 {\an2}Any liquid hotter than 40 degrees would strip the patina. 275 00:13:12,923 --> 00:13:14,323 {\an2}Ooh, that's hot. 276 00:13:14,363 --> 00:13:16,923 {\an2}I guess I can forget about tasting these custard creams. 277 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:20,083 {\an2}OK, maybe we should end these sessions. 278 00:13:20,123 --> 00:13:22,163 {\an2}You seem socially maladjusted, 279 00:13:22,203 --> 00:13:25,843 {\an2}and I think your son has anger problems. My son idolises me. 280 00:13:25,883 --> 00:13:28,723 {\an2}David, he's drawing you in an acid bath. 281 00:13:33,323 --> 00:13:36,083 {\an2}Joel, if you've got an issue with me, say it to my face. 282 00:13:36,123 --> 00:13:37,803 {\an2}I have an issue with you. 283 00:13:37,843 --> 00:13:39,923 {\an2}I'm saying it. Well, here's another issue. 284 00:13:39,963 --> 00:13:42,323 {\an2}I'm putting this down without a coaster. 285 00:13:46,643 --> 00:13:49,323 {\an2}Clearly, I only meant to leave a ring. 286 00:13:51,323 --> 00:13:54,163 {\an1}CAMERA CLICKS 287 00:13:59,523 --> 00:14:01,803 {\an2}Fiona, I've noticed that you and your husband 288 00:14:01,843 --> 00:14:04,003 {\an2}sleep in two separate single beds. 289 00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:06,403 {\an2}David likes to push them together on special occasions, 290 00:14:06,443 --> 00:14:08,523 {\an2}but the table makes that difficult. 291 00:14:08,563 --> 00:14:10,163 {\an2}So why'd you put the table there, then? 292 00:14:10,203 --> 00:14:11,203 {\an2}I just told you. 293 00:14:11,243 --> 00:14:12,323 {\an1}DOOR OPENS DOWNSTAIRS 294 00:14:12,363 --> 00:14:14,883 {\an2}David's back. Maybe we should pause while I talk to him. 295 00:14:14,923 --> 00:14:18,123 {\an2}Fiona, if I paused with my ex, I wouldn't have a new kitchen. 296 00:14:18,163 --> 00:14:22,443 {\an2}Fight back. Get the marble countertops and the chrome taps. 297 00:14:22,483 --> 00:14:23,483 {\an2}Darling? 298 00:14:23,523 --> 00:14:25,723 {\an2}What the...? 299 00:14:25,763 --> 00:14:29,803 {\an2}Melissa, why is there a stranger in my personal kingdom? 300 00:14:29,843 --> 00:14:33,603 {\an2}We're taking business photos for the website. 301 00:14:33,643 --> 00:14:36,123 {\an2}Fiona, this book is clear on what is seemly 302 00:14:36,163 --> 00:14:37,443 {\an2}and what is unseemly. 303 00:14:37,483 --> 00:14:40,123 {\an2}Hmm, thousand-year-old book versus two living women. 304 00:14:40,163 --> 00:14:42,083 {\an2}This'll be good. As the patriarch, 305 00:14:42,123 --> 00:14:43,763 {\an2}God caused me to lead this household. 306 00:14:43,803 --> 00:14:46,283 {\an2}Don't make me use that divine power. 307 00:14:46,323 --> 00:14:47,923 {\an2}Use it. Go on, then. 308 00:14:50,163 --> 00:14:51,163 {\an2}OK. 309 00:14:52,763 --> 00:14:55,363 {\an2}Fiona, as God's patriarch... I want to do the business, David. 310 00:14:55,403 --> 00:14:56,923 {\an2}Then you have my permission. 311 00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:58,523 {\an2}Well done, big man. 312 00:14:58,563 --> 00:14:59,563 {\an2}Now, get out. 313 00:15:00,803 --> 00:15:03,123 {\an2}Can I come in to change my shirt? 314 00:15:04,763 --> 00:15:06,403 {\an2}No. You can come back in the room 315 00:15:06,443 --> 00:15:10,603 {\an2}when I'm done making money and I'm a money magnet, David! 316 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:11,883 {\an2}Money magnet! 317 00:15:13,883 --> 00:15:16,523 {\an2}Was that good? A little too good. 318 00:15:16,563 --> 00:15:17,683 {\an2}But I'm here for it. 319 00:15:21,803 --> 00:15:22,963 {\an1}KNOCKING AT DOOR 320 00:15:25,083 --> 00:15:27,323 {\an2}Ugh. Is it urgent, Andrew? 321 00:15:27,363 --> 00:15:29,803 {\an2}I've just emancipated my wife and I'm feeling pretty low. 322 00:15:29,843 --> 00:15:31,283 {\an2}Just returned from Joel's house. 323 00:15:31,323 --> 00:15:33,643 {\an2}Apparently, you attacked an expensive collector's item 324 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,603 {\an2}with another expensive collector's item. 325 00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:38,683 {\an2}It was a lesson, to teach him the real value of worldly possessions. 326 00:15:38,723 --> 00:15:40,683 {\an2}Well, the real value was five grand. 327 00:15:40,723 --> 00:15:43,043 {\an2}He'd like you to reimburse him. What? 328 00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:46,123 {\an2}It was an accident. I only meant to cause superficial damage. 329 00:15:46,163 --> 00:15:49,163 {\an2}Fortunately, I've convinced him to forgive you. 330 00:15:49,203 --> 00:15:52,483 {\an2}I've also persuaded Elder Samson not to revoke any of your privileges, 331 00:15:52,523 --> 00:15:54,323 {\an2}even though this is, to his memory, 332 00:15:54,363 --> 00:15:57,883 {\an2}the most disgraceful thing any ordinand has ever done. 333 00:16:00,403 --> 00:16:01,403 {\an2}Thank you. 334 00:16:01,443 --> 00:16:03,923 {\an2}Given the situation, I'll be looking after Joel from now on. 335 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:07,483 {\an2}Sorry, David. Obviously, Andrew is your buddy, 336 00:16:07,523 --> 00:16:08,843 {\an2}but Elder Andrew... 337 00:16:10,923 --> 00:16:13,083 {\an2}..he must walk a different path. 338 00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:27,683 {\an2}Well, Andrew might not see the benefits of my ministering style, 339 00:16:27,723 --> 00:16:29,603 {\an2}but Aaron clearly does. 340 00:16:29,643 --> 00:16:31,843 {\an2}Look at this drip technique. 341 00:16:31,883 --> 00:16:33,603 {\an2}He's moved on to abstract art. 342 00:16:33,643 --> 00:16:35,643 {\an2}No more violent images of... 343 00:16:37,923 --> 00:16:39,203 {\an2}Hmm. 344 00:16:40,683 --> 00:16:42,283 {\an2}He probably started that weeks ago. 345 00:16:42,323 --> 00:16:45,283 {\an2}He started as soon as he came back from Joel's. Right. 346 00:16:49,123 --> 00:16:55,083 {\an2}I'm done. A whole week of night preaching. 80 doors, 100 pamphlets. 347 00:16:55,123 --> 00:16:57,643 {\an2}Nearly lost my finger to a razor-sharp letterbox. 348 00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:00,523 {\an2}Number 38. I know it well. But I'm done. 349 00:17:02,963 --> 00:17:05,363 {\an2}Rachel, I've been reflecting. 350 00:17:05,403 --> 00:17:07,963 {\an2}I think it's only right to reward your labour after all. 351 00:17:08,003 --> 00:17:10,083 {\an2}You mean... Dad, really? 352 00:17:10,123 --> 00:17:12,483 {\an2}This has seen history. 353 00:17:13,883 --> 00:17:15,563 {\an2}You couldn't get me a new one? 354 00:17:15,603 --> 00:17:18,883 {\an2}They don't build them like this any more, Rachel. 355 00:17:21,523 --> 00:17:22,523 {\an1}POWERING-UP TONE 356 00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:24,043 {\an2}Look at that battery life. 357 00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:27,043 {\an2}10%, and it hasn't been plugged in since 9/11. 358 00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:28,243 {\an2}Look alive. 359 00:17:28,283 --> 00:17:29,643 {\an2}Try the home phone. 360 00:17:32,003 --> 00:17:33,003 {\an2}Is it ringing? 361 00:17:33,043 --> 00:17:35,083 {\an2}It's getting really warm. 362 00:17:35,123 --> 00:17:39,323 {\an2}Great. Respect the awesome power it grants you. 363 00:17:39,363 --> 00:17:41,083 {\an1}PHONE HINGES CREAK 364 00:17:43,643 --> 00:17:44,843 {\an2}OUTSIDE: Ricky Hatton! 365 00:17:46,283 --> 00:17:47,283 {\an2}Ricky! 366 00:17:49,523 --> 00:17:50,683 {\an2}Mr Hatton? 367 00:17:52,523 --> 00:17:54,243 {\an1}DOG BARKS 368 00:17:54,283 --> 00:17:56,443 {\an2}Ricky Hatton! 369 00:17:57,803 --> 00:18:01,563 {\an2}You found him, then? Yeah. Peace offering. 370 00:18:01,603 --> 00:18:04,163 {\an2}Peppermint, for the sake of both of our souls. 371 00:18:04,203 --> 00:18:07,323 {\an2}But drink quickly. The mug's absence will be noticed. 372 00:18:07,363 --> 00:18:09,883 {\an2}Mmm, can't wait to chug this scalding liquid. 373 00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,083 {\an1}PHONE BEEPS 374 00:18:12,603 --> 00:18:14,163 {\an2}Oh, you got a phone? Yeah. 375 00:18:14,203 --> 00:18:18,963 {\an2}It leaks battery acid and can't text or call. Just as well. 376 00:18:19,003 --> 00:18:21,483 {\an2}Which means I can give you my peace offering. 377 00:18:22,963 --> 00:18:24,683 {\an2}Good as new. 378 00:18:24,723 --> 00:18:25,723 {\an2}Oh, my gosh. 379 00:18:25,763 --> 00:18:27,603 {\an2}It's just my old handset. 380 00:18:27,643 --> 00:18:29,403 {\an2}Thank you. 381 00:18:30,963 --> 00:18:31,963 {\an2}Thank you. 382 00:18:39,123 --> 00:18:40,603 {\an2}I guess if I needed to message you, 383 00:18:40,643 --> 00:18:45,123 {\an2}for help with the phone, I mean, your number's on here? 384 00:18:45,163 --> 00:18:46,163 {\an2}No. 385 00:18:49,443 --> 00:18:53,283 {\an2}You can't bring yourself to ask me, can you? Put it on. 386 00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:59,203 {\an1}HORSE RACING COMMENTARY ON EARPHONES 387 00:18:59,243 --> 00:19:03,483 {\an2}Miss? You asked to see me in your office. 388 00:19:03,523 --> 00:19:07,083 {\an2}I did say that, and it made me feel very powerful. 389 00:19:07,123 --> 00:19:08,603 {\an2}Rachel, congratulations. 390 00:19:08,643 --> 00:19:10,523 {\an2}You're officially an unpaid volunteer. 391 00:19:10,563 --> 00:19:13,523 {\an2}You start ladling medically thickened gravy on Monday. 392 00:19:13,563 --> 00:19:16,643 {\an2}They picked me? From a field of zero applicants. 393 00:19:16,683 --> 00:19:20,163 {\an2}They picked me! What a great day, my favourite people succeeding, 394 00:19:20,203 --> 00:19:23,403 {\an2}and a crazy man smashed my ex's coffee table. 395 00:19:24,723 --> 00:19:25,843 {\an2}He's crushed, Rachel. 396 00:19:25,883 --> 00:19:28,603 {\an2}And his libido was already so fragile. 397 00:19:30,843 --> 00:19:32,523 {\an2}How's my phone, Rachel? 398 00:19:32,563 --> 00:19:35,003 {\an2}So many memories - hours texting my dad 399 00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:38,563 {\an2}about how the Old Testament predicted the credit crunch. 400 00:19:38,603 --> 00:19:41,523 {\an2}Yeah, it's been... great, Dad. 401 00:19:47,843 --> 00:19:50,443 {\an2}Now, Fiona, I know I gave my permission for your business, 402 00:19:50,483 --> 00:19:53,043 {\an2}but not everyone's so liberal about bags, OK? 403 00:19:53,083 --> 00:19:55,523 {\an2}I wouldn't mention it to the congregation. 404 00:19:55,563 --> 00:19:57,123 {\an2}Thank you for the advice, David. 405 00:20:05,523 --> 00:20:07,083 {\an1}GENIAL CHATTER 406 00:20:11,203 --> 00:20:15,003 {\an2}Sister Lewis, you've given our chapter its own de facto uniform. 407 00:20:15,043 --> 00:20:16,323 {\an2}Now we can all band together, 408 00:20:16,363 --> 00:20:19,483 {\an2}I'm sure there'll be fewer harassment incidents. 409 00:20:19,523 --> 00:20:22,523 {\an2}Or more, since we're easier to spot. 410 00:20:22,563 --> 00:20:25,243 {\an2}But, hey, if women could be elders, you'd be a shoo-in. 411 00:20:25,283 --> 00:20:28,283 {\an2}And honestly, I could see that rule changing one day. I can't. 412 00:20:28,323 --> 00:20:32,443 {\an2}But thank you for donating the proceeds. Thank you. 413 00:20:32,483 --> 00:20:35,363 {\an2}If you'll excuse me, I might go speak with my... 414 00:20:35,403 --> 00:20:37,523 {\an2}Is it prideful to say fans? 415 00:20:37,563 --> 00:20:38,563 {\an2}My fans. 416 00:20:43,003 --> 00:20:45,963 {\an1}INAUDIBLE CHAT 417 00:20:58,083 --> 00:21:01,083 {\an2}David. You'll see I'm on the gold cola. 418 00:21:01,123 --> 00:21:02,723 {\an2}No caffeine. 419 00:21:02,763 --> 00:21:06,483 {\an2}It tastes... Well, really quite different, actually. 420 00:21:06,523 --> 00:21:09,123 {\an2}Thankfully, Samson's been pretty chill about the whole thing. 421 00:21:09,163 --> 00:21:11,843 {\an2}Abijah, you're on probation. Pop your scarf back on. 422 00:21:11,883 --> 00:21:13,603 {\an2}Squash, strong. 423 00:21:15,003 --> 00:21:16,443 {\an2}I've realised something. 424 00:21:16,483 --> 00:21:18,203 {\an2}When you told me to look within, 425 00:21:18,243 --> 00:21:22,203 {\an2}you weren't just talking about my family's mistakes, were you? 426 00:21:22,243 --> 00:21:24,083 {\an2}You were talking about my own. Yes. 427 00:21:24,123 --> 00:21:26,643 {\an2}We were talking exclusively about you, David. 428 00:21:26,683 --> 00:21:29,563 {\an2}Your pride, your tendency to blame external factors 429 00:21:29,603 --> 00:21:31,003 {\an2}instead of yourself. Hmm. 430 00:21:32,403 --> 00:21:34,883 {\an2}I'd like to return this to the archives. 431 00:21:34,923 --> 00:21:36,803 {\an2}Is that a first edition of our oldest maxims? 432 00:21:36,843 --> 00:21:39,723 {\an2}They're horrendously outdated, them. I thought we burnt them all. 433 00:21:39,763 --> 00:21:43,603 {\an2}"Love thy neighbour" has an asterisk leading to a big list of exceptions. 434 00:21:43,643 --> 00:21:45,843 {\an2}Shred it, Abijah. Pulp the remains. 435 00:21:49,243 --> 00:21:50,843 {\an1}PHONE BUZZES 436 00:21:51,843 --> 00:21:53,683 {\an2}VOICE NOTE FROM JOSHUA: Wow, your first text. 437 00:21:53,723 --> 00:21:56,243 {\an2}Welcome to the information age. 438 00:21:56,283 --> 00:21:58,603 {\an2}Don't mind me, Rachel. 439 00:21:58,643 --> 00:22:02,963 {\an2}Just destroying this book of forbidden knowledge. 440 00:22:03,003 --> 00:22:05,243 {\an2}MESSAGE PLAYS AGAIN: Wow, your first text. 441 00:22:05,283 --> 00:22:06,963 {\an2}Welcome to the information age. 442 00:22:07,003 --> 00:22:09,843 {\an2}# Just a pilgrim on a journey 443 00:22:09,883 --> 00:22:13,043 {\an2}# Well, I got no time to tarry here 444 00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:14,683 {\an2}# Don't you stop me 445 00:22:14,723 --> 00:22:18,803 {\an2}# Cos I'm going to a land where skies are clear 446 00:22:18,843 --> 00:22:20,363 {\an2}# And I ain't got time 447 00:22:21,803 --> 00:22:25,083 {\an2}# To linger longer 448 00:22:25,123 --> 00:22:27,243 {\an2}# I ain't got time 449 00:22:27,283 --> 00:22:29,763 {\an2}# To stop today. # 450 00:22:29,803 --> 00:22:31,963 {\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media 39710

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