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A JESTER'S TALE

Screenplay by / Narrated by

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Music by

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Costume Designer / Costumes by

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Music Recorded by Conducted by

Lyrics by Choreography by

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Special Effects: Animators

Photography Scenes

Assistant Director Script

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Produced by

Directed by

Made by the Creative Group

I am a fool and a jester

and since I know history like the back of my hand,

I set to write this illustrious chronicle.

The glorious events depicted herein

shall be praised by many a rhyme

and adorned with jingle bells.

What an imposing sight!

All of a sudden, the god of war blows from the sk�.

Walls are crumbling down, towns are in flames.

To the great delight of warriors who make history.

The Thirty Years War.

By Jove! What am I to say?!

Merely that two hard-headed potentates

sought to demonstrate with their deeds instead of words

that what is permitted to oxen in history,

is not permitted to Jove.

Warfare brings laurels.

And there may be a little left for an ox,

as well as for this young man.

The press-gang!

Run! The press-gang is coming!

Get up, the king's rider greets you.

Quarta, back ward and strike.

One, two, three.

You can learn all this under Duke Mansfeld's banner.

Mansfeld needs you.

Both of you.

Take this!

You're a luck� man.

If it weren't for us, you'd be a peasant to your dying day.

Faster, you dumb ox.

Fame, money, and beautiful women await you.

Get moving, stupid beast.

You will see the world, recruit.

You will march all across Europe under Count Mansfeld's banner.

Or under the banner of Duke Wallenstein,

the Danish king,

or even His lmperial Majesty.

Each step will lead you closer to glory.

And for every step you will get paid.

Well paid.

Come on, you won't get away from the butcher.

Ouch, damned animal!

Catch it, quick!

Hurry up, don't let that beef get away!

Halt!

Stop!

Get me a horse!

Alas! Vanity of vanities.

The emperor has never enough musketeers.

Halt! Halt!

A volunteer. He got away from Mansfeld's press-gang.

A volunteer?

His hands are bound.

Barbarians.

Untie him!

Your Highness.

Your Highness, Matyas of Babice, is at your service.

By the decree of capricious fate,

some men are born as lords and others as their serfs.

And those who are highborn

ingeniously command their own regiment from an early age.

At my command!

Lmperial regiment, Attention!

MILITARY DRILL OUR PLEASURE

The regiment is lined up, sir.

Commander, the musketeer regiment is lined up for the march-past.

Look.

Come with me. Come on!

A rebel? - No, a forget-me-not.

Cavalry, at the halt!

My dearest sweetheart,

Your youth will soon be gone.

And so will be mine,

mad the whole world has gone.

Allow me to greet you before our swords cross.

My greetings to you.

We are ready to die for our king.

Hail the Emperor!

My dearest sweetheart,

To what land have you feet taken you?

My soldiers will meet their death with joy.

Get ready to fire!

Get up, you can't do that!

That's that.

I'm going home. - Wait.

What more do you want? It's all over here.

That's just it.

The regiment perished to the last man.

History is a little richer.

And we are a disgrace to the regiment, the emperor will never forgive us.

Where is the emperor? - Where?

In our musketeer hearts.

I find great pleasure in winning battles.

Look at all the beauty!

Whose camp is this?

Either ours or theirs.

Have you ever seen a beautiful woman like her?

Like her? Even more beautiful...

Come on. Give me a hand.

With this the whole world will be ours.

Gold can buy you anything.

Not everything. - What do you know...

I've already told you that a half of all this is yours.

What else do you want?

Shame on you for robbing an old soldier like me!

All right, take everything. It's all yours.

You'd like me to drag it all by myself, wouldn't you?

Let's get going.

Are you cold?

As a rich man I know no comfort. Go on.

Look!

I won't harm you. Here you are.

I've got you!

You're coming with me.

You'll help us.

Fortune awaits you with us. And oats.

And glory in the battlefield.

Don't scoff at me, you rascal.

Come on, come on.

Sheer misery.

Nothing doing. The leg is mine.

You're just a regular thief, aren't you?

What?! Me and a thief?!

I've never stolen a penny in my whole life, my friend.

Don't mistake prize for booty.

A prize represents legitimately acquired effects

under the protection of the emperor himself.

Does the emperor steal chicken? - You are offending an honest soldier!

If you don't like it, you are free to go.

Nothing's keeping you here.

I can see that.

One ass is enough.

It will serve me better than you! You can count on that!

Gee, gee.

Come on. Do you know what you're drawing?

Wealth, glory and rank.

I will make you a general.

Come on, let's go.

I can't make you a horse! Move it!

Jakub!

Jakub!

Jakub!

Jakub!

Would Petr do?

You wouldn't have to call me so many times.

I've never seen you around.

I've never been here.

Are you heading far?

To the end of the world. - Why?

Because I'm looking for

a field, a house, and...

It's a pity my name isn't Jakub.

Jakub is my donkey.

What's your name? - Lenka.

Lenka. - Shh.

Dinner! We'll feast!

Allow me to invite you to dinner!

Who? Us or those two behind the tree?

Go and see who they are.

Help!

Help!

Avanti!

You will face a bitter end, lad.

Only fools fight against the odds.

In such a case, you'd fight against a whole regiment.

Matyas of Babice, imperial musketeer.

Jakub.

You wanderer.

What are you doing? - I'm unharnessing the donkey.

It's hers. - Hers?

Wait. Come with us.

You'll ride like a queen.

Your luggage.

As though my carriage was made for you.

Damn it! This is all we need.

Stop!

The king's riders. I can smell this lot a mile off.

Put this on, hurry. You won't get away. They hang deserters.

And thieves too?

They never hung anyone wearing this coat.

What about Lenka? - She'll be your squire.

Come and pick something.

And my hair?

They are coming.

You are their lord, understand?

Order them to leave.

God damn it! I must have been blind.

They're not the king's riders, they're dressed in black.

Your Grace, Captain Varga of Konousov, in the emperor's service.

It is an honour for me to take you as prisoner, Your Highness.

You may keep your chamberlain, Your Highness.

And your jester, of course.

Who am I?

A duke or what?

I'd like to know that myself.

Fidelity is my virtue!

Guard of honour, fall in!

Welcome, Captain.

Welcome, sir.

He's my captive, you fool.

Put him in the dungeon!

What are you waiting for?

Put him in chains. Guards!

Be careful! He is a precious prize.

Oh history, what a pliable neck you have!

A slight slip of your quill,

turns a thief and villain

into a knight without fear.

Victoria, Victoria.

From a victorious battle I return.

I bring the most valuable fruit of our victory.

Your daughter, the graceful Comtesse...

The graceful Comtesse Veronika.

The most valuable fruit...

Down.

The most valuable fruit.

Beast.

The most valuable fruit of our victory, Comtesse Veronika.

Veronika's fianc�... - Was defeated.

Indeed and the comtesse's picture fell into our enemy's hands.

I snatched it out of its clutches, risking my own life.

I fought like a lion.

My nature, though...

...forbids me to describe the consequences of the horrible...

I never count the enemy,

this time, however, it was worth it.

I killed them to the last man,

leaving only the margrave, his chamberlain, and his jester alive.

I heard his plea for mercy

and spared his life in exchange for the picture.

You took him prisoner? - He is in the dungeon.

And he will stay there until envoys with ransom come.

And a high ransom it will be.

The margrave is akin to Duke Mansfeld.

You are a wealthy man, Captain.

You are a hero.

You are most welcome.

Our hero and our future son-in-law,

let us now speak of blissfull matters, about love.

What are we?

A prize.

And a prize represents legitimately acquired effects

under the protection of the emperor himself.

Stop it!

The table is set, Your Highness.

Enjoy your meal.

You'll be fasting for this.

Take it away!

Times are uncertain, signor, and art is suffering.

Take Comtesse Veronika's first fianc�, for example.

He didn't even have time to dry properly

before Your Lordship arrived. What a waste!

Waste? What do you mean by waste?!

The lace, my lord.

The general had genuine Brussels lace.

And now I will have paint your collar over it.

If you allow me, signor, I would leave the general's boots.

It is a work of art.

To a different tune the god of war started blowing,

the king gave the emperor a good licking.

No bread, no water.

I'll show them what a dungeon is.

The envoy of the imperial army.

Open the gates, quick.

Give the envoy something to eat and drink.

How did the battle go?

What's with our army?

It could fit on this plate.

Mansfeld cut us to pieces.

You can expect him tomorrow.

Where is the wind blowing from?

Tell us, old chum.

What is going on here?!

How dare you treat them like that?!

You will answer for this, jailor.

Venison.

Where are cranberries?! Damn it!

Bring the blacksmith, quick.

The blacksmith will be punished.

I beg your pardon. Forgive me, Your Highness.

Our servants confused the chambers.

Your Highness.

The pride of our kitchen.

A delicacy praised by the emperor himself.

Comtesse Veronika, the count's daughter.

Chamberlain, does His Highness prefer a softer or a harder bed?

Well...

Something in the middle.

He is used to higher comfort.

And do you know Margrave Fortunato well?

The thief? Who doesn't know him...

He's been plundering Moravia and he doesn't pay his soldiers.

You shouldn't speak about your master this way.

What?

About my master?

He is so young and when my daughter first saw him...

That's youth.

Why make so much fuss...

Your Highness.

At last fortune smiles on me.

I would be honoured if you accept my invitation.

Do come in.

I ask nothing but a little patience, signor.

There. What a beautiful coat!

The brocade, the silk, the lace, the gold,

is indeed magnificent work.

Take no notice of this, a face does not last long.

A face makes little difference, it grows old.

I personally put great emphasis on the coat.

A coat can tell more about a person of your standing than an ordinary face.

That is why I will etch in every button, every golden thread.

And if you allow me, signor, I would leave the boots of the general,

Comtesse Veronika's first fianc�, in the picture.

Captain Varga, the second fianc�, was also quite satisfied with them

and I thought that you too... - What? Her fianc�?

The third fianc�, signor.

So I am her fianc�.

Oh, cara mia, a three is a very luck� number in my land, signor.

A fianc�?!

The third. - Yes, signor.

Lenka! Lenka!

Allow me to congratulate you, master.

To what? - To your engagement.

Lenka.

Have mercy, master! Don't harm your jester.

Does your master choke you often?

No, only on weekdays.

And what does he do on weekends?

He chokes the ladies at court.

And is his court large? Are the ladies beautiful?

You've never dreamt about such a court, my lady.

And the ladies...

...have long snow-white necks.

Otherwise, though, they are dumb as geese, my lady.

All of them? - Not all.

And what about the others?

Some have narrow slant eyes.

Are they beautiful? - They are.

Yet they bleat like goats, my lady.

And which one of them does he like the most, jester?

She has big velvet eyes.

I don't like her voice, however. She moos like a cow.

My master chains her up at night because he fears she might run away.

He won't chain me up. - Not you, my lady.

Do you mean to say that I cannot measure to her?

You certainly can and not only for being highbred.

How courteous he is and how gentle are his moves.

He is more like a maiden.

Come closer, jester. Come here.

Make way!

Make way for his majesty, the king of all musicians.

Matyas, what do you say if we get out of here?

Your Highness. - Oh, don't give me that!

I've had enough of all this mummery.

What about your engagement, Your Highness?

With whom? With that addlepated comtesse?

Are you out of your...

Do you know who I am?

A peasant.

A ploughman.

If you want Veronika to marry well,

here's a fine fianc�. He won't get away.

A ploughman? - How should I put it...

Like Duke Premysl.

The margrave didn't sleep well last night.

A noble man has a right to be capricious, chamberlain.

Signor, I am a mere tool in the hands of the overlord.

What is this supposed to mean?!

I am a mere artist, my lord. Do not spoil a talent, signor!

Don't be a barbarian.

Don't be a barbarian.

Come here, jester.

Where is your master?

Tell me!

Petr!

Petr!

I'll shoot you like a dog!

Halt! You won't get away!

Petr!

Do you know what?

We'll run away tonight.

The enemy is climbing into the castle.

They're down there.

Alarm! Arms!

The enemy is on the walls!

Who's there?

Surrender!

Climb down! You won't get away!

They're in the tower. Hurry!

Alarm! Arms!

Oh!

His Highness.

Tell him to wait for a moment.

Your Highness, Comtesse Veronika

asks you to kindly wait for a moment.

A mirror, quick!

Hurry up!

Captain, the enemy at the strength of two men invaded the castle.

They disappeared.

I don't see anyone.

They must have climbed into a window.

Into the bedroom. Garden corner...

Two of them, huh?

Give me two pistols.

Should every chivalrous adventure raise an alarm,

many families would die out on the distaff side, my dear.

Captain Varga is a fool.

If it weren't for the alarm, we could have held an engagement feast.

Have you heard that the margrave's jester is a maiden?

Come to think of it, shouldn't we apologize to the margrave for the alarm?

Stop it! You're holding it like a scythe.

Swordmanship is an art. It is a dance.

I won't ask the cuirassiers to dance with me.

You're a hero but what about Lenka?

Will you give her a sword?

The margrave's coat will open the gates without a fight.

I've been wearing it far too long. - Try it once more.

One last time.

What if the margrave's army is defeated once again?

Well... - What then?

Then we will use our swords.

I'll teach you a trick that will make you unbeatable.

Watch. You start with a cry of warning.

Elare! Fiddle tiddle!

Stick!

I've learned it from the king of Italian swordsmen.

I gave him two threescores of groschens.

You've wasted your money.

Elare! Fiddle tiddle! Stick!

Nonetheless, the god of war is vicious.

And this time, the emperor gave the king a thorough licking.

Wine is to my taste,

wine is my best friend.

Without wine I'd be a waste.

A musketeer belongs...

The emperor's envoy.

Vivat Victoria!

Go, go.

You lost!

Open the door.

You'll wait here for your master.

The keys!

Give me the keys!

What kind of a fool do you think I am?

Give them to me!

Our army is coming.

Our army!

Close the gates!

Don't let anyone out!

Not even a mouse.

What should we do now?

What I should've done a long time ago.

Arms!

I'll teach him a lesson!

Forward! Forward!

Forward! Fight!

Hurry up. Go on. Don't be scared.

Forward, soldiers!

Hurrah!

Fight!

Show him what you can!

Forward!

Forward! Fight!

Help!

Sound the horn, beat the drum!

Call all the men. Get the margrave!

Splendid!

Well done, soldiers.

Chase him like a rabbit! I am proud of you.

Batter him! Batter him!

Enough, lads! Your soup will get cold.

Don't! You mustn't do that!

It's against my orders! I will have you locked up!

Do you hear me?! Throw away the spoons!

Where is your honour?

Do you want to drown it in pea soup?

Would you like some soup?

Throw away the spoons and grab your swords. Avanti!

Forward! Fight!

Can't you hear me?! Fight!

Dollop means more to them than knightly glory!

Can you see the army?

It must be having lunch.

I see steam from pots.

They're having lunch?!

That's treason. They will pay...

Hail Mansfeld, long live the king.

Hail Mansfeld, hail Mansfeld.

Hail! Hurrah!

Long live the king, long live the king!

Hurrah! Follow me!

Open the gates!

Open the gates!

Hurry up!

Hurry up.

Your order has been fulfilled, Your Highness.

What's taking you so long? - I'm not leaving without gold.

I can't leave it all here. - We'd better be going.

Why hurry? We're in command now.

Do as you think fit.

Close the gates!

Hurry up!

You haven't won yet, Captain.

Our army is marching towards us!

I can see a cloud of dust. - You're talking nonsense!

I'll have you locked up! - You won't. The emperor's army is here.

Our army.

You can see it? - I can. - Well? - More than well.

Tell me what you see now? - I can't see a thing.

Do you see it or not? - I don't see it.

Do you hear him, Captain?! He can't see a thing. It's a false alarm.

Open the gates!

Go on, I'll catch up with you.

Hurry up, fellas!

Help! Help!

Can anyone help me?!

Help!

Help me, hurry up.

Can anyone help me?!

Stand here and push.

Volunteers.

A jester?

What will the enemy say if they see jesters in our files?

The war is no tomfoolery.

It's the rebel again.

But his regiment perished to the last man.

The emperor wouldn't like a man like him roaming the world, would he?

History must not be deceived.

Hang him!

Set to work, hangman.

Ouch.

Let go, let go.

Deserters!

They're running away. Help!

Help me! Somebody.

Can anyone help me?!

How is it going?

Miserably, huh?

There are not many peasants left.

I used to belong to the press-gang once.

How much do they pay you for a recruit now?

It's not even worth mentioning.

Where did you get this?

Some fellow left it here. He travelled with a jester.

What? A jester? You rogue!

CAMP OF MUSKETEERS

What on earth were you thinking!

Drinking wine on guard, eh?

They could hang you for this.

Who would hang us? There's nobody here.

They all went in pursuit of the enemy.

In pursuit of deserters.

What a hunt!

Let's drink to the deserters.

Who are they chasing? How many deserters?

They were... - How many? - Two. - Two?

One and a half. A jester... - A jester?!

...isn't a full man.

Wait.

Gee! Gee!

Cheers, shooters!

Elare! Fiddle tiddle! Stick!

The End