Original subtitles

[playful instrumental music]

- There are four bridges, senor,

each a replica of what could be found in Venice.

Do you know Venice?

- Well, I guess pretty well.

- And which do you prefer, there, here, or Venice?

- Oh well, I don't know.

I've only been here in Seville or Sevilla for one day,

so it's hard to tell you. [laughing]

- It's quite different from anything in Ohio.

- Yes, I imagine it's, I beg your pardon?

- Your native state is Ohio.

Am I not right?

[laughing]

- Well, indeed, you are sir.

- I was sure I was.

It seems I have a most remarkable ear.

When you approached me a moment ago

and asked me about the Plaza de Espana,

I knew at once you were from Ohio.

I confess I like to see the look

on people's faces when I tell them,

"You're from Iraq, Ohio, Tasmania."

[laughing]

So I intruded myself.

- So you see the look on my face.

Well, how was I?

- Well, taken aback I suppose you would say,

ah, but forgive me.

I'm Don Ernesto Silvando, the University of Madrid.

- Well, I'm Kelly Robinson

of the international tennis circuit.

[speaking in a foreign language]

- Now about the Plaza de Espana.

Would you like me to tell you about it?

- Well, if I'm not taking you away from anything

that's more important, sir, I would appreciate it, yes.

- I should be delighted.

I'm on holiday alone.

If you have an hour to spare, I'll tell you about this part

of Sevilla and then perhaps we have a small lunch

and you tell me about the international tennis circuit.

[laughing]

Does that fit your plans?

- Well, it's, your servant, Don Ernesto.

- Ah, at your disposal, Senor?

- Robinson. - Robinson.

Now.

[playful instrumental music]

[foreboding instrumental music]

- That is he, Don Ernesto Silvando.

He has locked in his mind one

of the most dangerous secrets of the world.

Get to know him, charm him, learn what you want from him.

If you cannot, kill him.

[foreboding instrumental music]

[groovy instrumental music]

[gun shooting] [groovy instrumental music]

[bomb exploding] [groovy instrumental music]

[playful instrumental music]

- Each one of these plaques represents some event

of great historic importance which took place

in one of the Spanish provinces.

There are 48 of them, you see,

representing all of the Spanish provinces.

- With the exception of Sevilla.

The province of Sevilla is not represented here,

not in any of these benches.

- Correct.

Not because it was not held in high esteem.

All over Sevilla you see the motto--

[speaking in a foreign language]

- It was what king Alonzo said about the city

when he was at war and all his other cities,

one after another, left him.

- And also you will remember that Sevilla is the home

of Don Quixote de la Mancha.

But of course you knew that from school.

- Of course.

- And which school was that?

- Senor?

- Where the blessed Don Quixote first entered your life.

Which school?

- [Blonde Man] Vienna.

- Oh, you're Austrian.

- Yes.

- [Don] By birth.

- Yes.

The first 12 years of my life were spent in--

- In Germany.

In Germany, senor, the province of Saxony, La Bastria.

- But he has a remarkable ear.

- Which tells me that you are a liar.

What is it you want of me?

Why are you trying to be my friend?

- Well, I--

- Please, it would only be another lie.

I know why you are trying to be my friend

and I reject you.

Should we have lunch, my friend, and continue our journey?

- Your servant, sir.

- With pleasure.

[mysterious instrumental music]

Once Don Quixote rode against the windmill

and then if you remember, he mistook a flock of sheep

for contending armies and dispersed them.

[laughing]

- I think this section was the most fun

for me in the whole book, this where Quixote--

- Ah, Don Quixote, senor.

No one cherished honor more than he did,

therefore do him honor.

- You're right, sir.

I'm sorry, Don Quixote.

When Don Quixote released the prisoners,

I think that's my favorite.

That was the funniest part in the whole book.

- Funny?

An act of nobility, grace in the face of adversity?

I ask you what is funny about that?

- Well, sir, you have me again.

Nothing.

[sighing]

- Suddenly, I am a little tired.

Perhaps too much wine with lunch.

- It was a fine lunch, though.

I must say I'm awfully glad we've met.

[laughing] - Thank you.

Your stories of playing tennis all over the world

are wonderful to listen to.

You are a pleasant companion, senor.

- Thank you.

- What are your plans now?

- Well, I'm going on to Madrid.

There's a tennis tournament there.

- Madrid, hm, Madrid.

Something about Madrid.

- You teach in the university there, don't you, sir?

- How did you know that?

- Well, you told me, you told me that the first time we met.

- Yes.

Perhaps you would like to join me on the drive to Madrid.

I have a big car.

There'd be plenty of room.

- Well, I'd like that very much, sir,

but I'm traveling with a friend.

- Is he alert?

[laughing]

- Yeah, I think you would call him just about tops

in the alert department.

- Good, all the better.

The road to Madrid can be dark with perils.

Three people can withstand danger better than two,

eh, senor?

- Uh.

- When would you be ready to leave?

- Well, whenever you like.

- In the morning, then, at 8:00.

I'm at the Hotel Inglaterra, Plaza Nueva.

I'll expect you then?

- Yeah, sure.

- Good.

- Fine.

- Good.

In the morning-- - Yes.

- 8:00.

[playful instrumental music]

- Senor, one moment.

- Yeah, certainly.

- What do you want with Don Ernesto?

- Oh, you've gotta be kidding.

Here in this beautiful park with these lovely tiles--

- Who are you?

What do you want of him?

[groaning]

An American agent!

- That's my sweater, Jack.

- Stay away from him.

[frantic instrumental music] [grunting]

- Oh no, look here what we have.

Isn't that dreadful?

- It's small, but effective at this range.

- Not really.

You shoot that and you're dead, Jack,

because my picture then would be in the newspaper

'cause you know how they love pictures of dead bodies

around here in the newspapers

and Don Ernesto will read it and know it was you

and he'll run from you and he'll hide

and that'll be the end of the whole caper.

On the other hand, why don't we do it nice,

do it my way?

Don Ernesto, senor.

You were right about this man.

[groaning]

Here, here, here.

Close up against you like this

with your wonderful cashmere jacket bunched up around,

it wouldn't make so much as a pop.

- Do it, do it!

- No, not on a beautiful day like this.

Wonderful Seville and gardens, no.

[traffic passing]

- And you are an American and soft

and you find an excuse not to kill

in the fact that it is a sunny day.

- That's right.

- Well next time, no warnings!

Whoever shoots the quickest.

- Fair enough.

[traffic passing]

Certainly good news?

- Yeah, good news for Mom.

It's about my cousin, Timothy.

He was getting in the streets

in his geography class on volcanoes

and he kind of erupted.

- Certainly, he what?

- He was talking about Vesuvius.

- And he erupted.

- Yeah, but he got the hiccups.

- Oh. - Started hiccuping then.

- Sorry about that. [laughing]

- Well, I understand in front of the class

for about 15 minutes and the kid start hiccuping, just.

[hiccuping]

So finally, the teacher threw a board eraser at him,

hit him upside the head, chalk all over his face,

and everything and he stopped and then on the way home,

he got them again and my brother Russell kind

of scared him a little bit, you see, which got rid of them.

- How'd he scare him?

- Well, he waited 'til he got home

and they blew up a paper bag you see,

and they kind of snuck up behind him and pow!

Hit the bag and of course that stopped them,

but my Aunt Clara passed out

and bumped her head on the stove.

[whistling]

Well, he does that all the time, man.

One time he even got them when he was talking about geysers,

you know, just started hiccuping all over the place.

- Timothy must be very sensitive.

- Well, yes he is.

Hey listen, man,

my mom says she's sending you a jar of chitterlings.

- Your mom is sending me a jar of chitterlings?

Woohoo!

- I don't see how you can eat those things, man.

- Oh man, you don't appreciate nothing.

- Did you meet Don?

- Yes I did and we got

from here to Madrid to work on him.

He invited us to drive up there

in his car tomorrow with him.

- Alright.

What kind of a guy is he?

- Well, I don't know.

He's, well he's a beautiful guy now,

but he seems a little vague, you know, for a,

what's that, what is he?

- Thermodynamicist.

- Certainly.

Well, for one of those kind of guys, anyhow

that has discovered the whole, say again what he discovered?

- The thermo coefficient

for the homing anti-missile missile,

thereby causing an effective anti-missile missile

on the threshold of possibilities.

10 silver dollars, please, for brilliance.

- Yes, that's what I said.

Anyhow, a guy that discovers all that junk is,

well, he won't let anybody in on it.

He doesn't have any politics.

"A plague on east and west."

He says that every chance he gets.

I guess instead of vague, I mean, the guy's uncommitted.

- Well, that's what we're supposed to do, commit him,

to us, you see, have him love us and care for us

and believe that when we say,

"We will take this discovery and use it

"in the prevention of way instead of causing it,"

he will say,

"True, true."

- The thing that bothers me most, I guess,

is his span of attention.

It's a little bit short.

It's like, you know, it's like he's absent minded.

- He's a professor, isn't he?

[hooves clomping] [playful instrumental music]

- I am the absent minded professor.

I invite you to ride with me and leave no room.

- That's alright, sir.

We'll make room here.

Hey, yeah, listen, take this, will you?

- Yeah.

- Here we go, hey! - Okay.

- Careful, careful.

That's Don Quixote.

[traffic passing]

- These are all Don Quixote.

- How many different editions

of Don Quixote do you have, sir?

- 61 and in 14 languages.

- I see.

- That one is Bantu.

It's delicious to read about Don Quixote in Bantu.

For instance, they have no word for windmill,

so they call him the giant who gathered the wind

in his arms. [laughing]

- That's about the way Don Quixote thought

about the windmills, anyway.

- He was the last great believer in chivalry.

There's a passage

that gives you the very essence of the man.

I have it right here.

[traffic passing]

[foreboding instrumental music]

[gun shooting] [metal clanging]

[jazzy instrumental music]

[foreboding instrumental music]

[jazzy instrumental music]

[foreboding instrumental music]

[jazzy instrumental music]

- Say something.

- Well, I've been trying to figure something out.

- Go ahead, I'll help you.

- Well, all those editions of Don Quixote, man.

- Yeah.

- Well, it doesn't seem right.

- Well, listen, I've got a cousin Victor

who saves postage stamps.

- Yeah, that's fine, but has it ever occurred to you?

- Yes it has, yes it has.

- When?

- That this whole ride up here while we were driving up,

something from out of Don Quixote.

- Yeah, that's right, that's it!

- That's true.

You know, like the drive up and us following him.

- And us following him just like Sancho Panza.

Yes, that's right. - Yes, indeed.

- I don't like it.

- Well, now where's he?

[grand orchestral music]

[doors shutting]

[jazzy instrumental music]

[grand orchestral music]

- There they are, gentlemen.

- Yeah.

- The giants, the monsters who plague the countryside.

- Don Ernesto-- - We will attack, gentlemen!

- Hey, I'm afraid he's a little more than absent minded.

- He's Don Quixote.

- Well, he's a little more than Don Quixote.

[grand orchestral music]

[calm string music]

- We will attack these ravages of the poor,

despoilers of the innocent.

- Well, now sir, they probably didn't mean any harm.

Why don't we just wait a while and then talk about--

- You're right, you're right.

It's unwise to rush headlong

into the very maw of the monster.

Guile.

- I beg your pardon?

- Cunning!

We will defeat them by cunning.

Arm yourself, Sancho.

Arm yourself!

- Sancho?

- Now then.

Disperse and we will outflank them.

You take the right flank, you the left,

and on my command we will attack.

Attack!

Attack!

Attack!

Attack!

Attack!

Oh, my brave troops.

- How you doin' over there, Sancho?

- Okay, Panza!

How's it going over there on the left flank?

[rocks clattering]

[jazzy instrumental music]

- Attack!

Brilliant, brilliant!

[yelling in a foreign language]

[jazzy instrumental music]

[gun shooting]

- Hey, woah, wait minute!

It's shooting back at us!

Wait a minute, sir, hold it!

Wait a second, hey!

[gun shooting] [yelling]

- Retreat!

[gun shooting]

- [Don] Attack!

[gun shooting] [yelling]

Attack! [jazzy instrumental music]

- I'm sorry, sir, that we had to retreat,

but I'm afraid I have been wounded.

- Grievously?

- Numerously.

- Humorously.

- Thank you very much.

[jazzy instrumental music]

[grand orchestral music]

- Dearly beloved--

- Now don't get smart!

- Alright, she loves me.

- Yes.

- She loves me not.

- Uh huh.

- She-- - Hey!

Listen, will you please watch it?

- Listen, man.

I'm trying to get some buckshot.

- Certainly you would. - If you don't mind.

- I hope so. - Let me continue

at my happy work.

- Doctor.

- Yes?

- Tell me the truth now.

- What is it?

- Will I ever sit again?

- Well, don't even think about it.

Just grit your teeth. - I hope not.

[groaning]

Listen! [groaning]

Hey listen, when you bury me tomorrow morning

or this afternoon, will you please put on my epitaph

that I regret I have but one

[laughing]

to give for my country.

- Just a little alcohol here for yourself,

little alcohol.

How do you like it?

- Oh, hey!

- Gentlemen, I've made some tea.

[sighing]

- One of the greatest scientific minds of the century

and he's spending an hour and a half

over a hot stove making tea.

- Listen, behave yourself now.

We've got to make the man love us.

[sighing]

- You know, we could get killed making him love us.

- Yes.

- I've got an idea now.

Listen, now, just consider this for realism.

Suppose we beat him up.

[laughing]

Alright.

- We can't do that, man.

Now put your pants up before you catch a cold and sneeze.

Come on, now.

Be nice.

We gotta be nice to the man and get him

on our side politically so that we can prove to him

that our side is right and their side is wrong.

- Sir, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid there's something

that has escaped your attention.

He thinks that he is the hero out of a book.

- Okay, listen.

- 400, 400, count them, years old.

Now doesn't that strike you

as being just a trifle removed from reality?

- Granted, sir, everybody in the world is imperfect.

However, the man was right about the windmills.

- What?

- Windmills did strike back.

Now, if at any time you don't believe it,

just think, say,

"Windmill,"

and sit down.

You will say,

"True, true."

Listen, he's made some tea, come on.

[birds chirping]

Ah, Don Ernesto, I see you've made some tea for us, sir.

- I never travel without my tea service.

I hope you will find it to your liking.

[groaning]

- Windmills, windmills, yes, windmills.

[sighing]

Yes sir, I hope you won't mind

if I sip my tea off of one side of my body.

- I'm sorry if I have caused you any discomfort.

I have enthusiasm.

Sometimes, I get carried away.

- Listen, I think everyone should have enthusiasm.

It makes life more exciting and makes one feel young.

- How kind of you.

- Sir, Scotty and I were just discussing,

wondering if you'd ever been to the United States.

- I've never had that opportunity.

- Well, sir, don't you think that you should?

You should get to know our country, find out exactly

what we believe in, what we think is right?

- Why should I know about those things?

- Well, the way the world is going and you being a scientist

and everything, maybe someday you'll have to choose sides.

- Oh, but that I refuse to do.

I reject both sides.

- Alright, then, what do you believe in?

- What do I.

[laughing] Justice.

A man's energies should be used erasing evil close at hand

to where he turns his head and sees evil.

If each of us did that, there'd be no need to choose sides.

I made some muffins.

They should be ready.

[sighing]

- Okay, alright, come on.

How about it?

Beat him up, right?

- Oh no, man.

We can't, we can't beat him up.

Now listen, first of all, he made tea for us, man,

he made some muffins.

Who else would go out here in the middle of where

and make muffins for us?

This is a very complicated man

and he's got one of the world's great secrets right up here.

- Mmhmm.

Well, I tell you what, if we have to go in there

after it, you go, I'll stay here.

[laughing] - Well, I think, you know,

a man like this is gonna have a scary brain.

I mean, I'd just as soon go in after it

'cause he's got one of the great obsessions

and that is to right all wrongs.

So we'll just have to stay around him.

[laughing]

[yelling in a foreign language]

- [Don] Unhand her!

- That's the Don Quixote talk I believe.

- Unhand her?

- Unhand her, unhand her!

Fair lady, help comes on swift feet.

[laughing]

Raucous knaves, defend yourselves!

Leave, fair lady, while I engage these ruffians!

[playful instrumental music]

[yelling in a foreign language]

[yelling] [playful instrumental music]

- Do you want some wine?

- Por favor.

[laughing] [jazzy instrumental music]

Listen, how are we supposed to get,

what are we gonna do about this guy?

- Listen, we will follow our assignment.

That's about all we can do, nothing else.

- Certainly.

But how do we get through to him?

- We will, man.

- We will.

Boy, you're sure optimistic about that.

We're doing lousy.

- No, we're doing--

- Tomorrow we're gonna be in Madrid

and we're gonna lose him.

- We're doing very good, man.

Now the guy likes us.

Look, I got a feeling that the worst is all over now.

What else can he do just cruising along on the highway?

- Oh, por favor, no. [grand orchestral music]

[groaning] - No, no, no.

[jazzy instrumental music]

No, no.

- What is it?

- They clash, two great armies are met in bloody battle.

[sweet instrumental music]

- No, sir, sir!

No, those are sheep, sir! - Wholly slaughter.

[sweet instrumental music]

Route them, disperse them

before their blood floods the plain.

- No, sir-- - Charge!

- Wait, sir, wait, sir, wait. - Wait, sir, listen.

- Charge! [grand orchestral music]

[yelling in a foreign language]

[jazzy instrumental music]

[groaning]

- Thanks.

[sighing]

You're not gonna eat those, are you?

- Sure!

- They'll give you something bad, man.

- Was it any worse than what already happened?

[groaning]

- Anybody ever hands me that stuff again

about the gentle, mild shepherd sitting upon the slopes

of the countryside, blowing on his little penny flute,

is gonna get a fat lip from me.

Could you believe it?

- Believe what?

- Us!

Boy, we are the perpetual losers of all time.

We have lost to windmills, sheep, farmers, farmers' dogs.

We really are pitiful.

- You were very brave, my comrades.

A pity to waste such valor on an old man's delusions.

- Well, to be perfectly honest with you, sir,

we have noticed that sometimes you seem

to get carried away a little in your enthusiasm.

[laughing]

- You're a very kind and tactful man.

Another would find a harsher and more accurate way

to describe my behavior.

- Well, sir, we kind of figure you've been kind of

under a strain lately.

- How perceptive of you.

I have indeed been under a great strain.

Soon I must make a decision

that may affect the fate of the whole world.

Oh, I know this sounds like another of my delusions,

but please, you must believe me.

- Well, we do believe you, sir.

- Thank you.

At times, the responsibility has been almost unbearable.

Have you ever been in an airplane,

flying in and out of patches of cloud?

That is how it has been with me,

passing through mists that seem to cloud my mind.

Please, be patient with me.

- You know, I'll tell you, man.

I kind of like him, I really do.

I like old Don.

I like the jousts, too.

I'll tell you that.

- I like the man.

I hate the jousts.

- Well, that part is over, Herman.

Looks like he's got his feet back on the ground,

so no more of that wild stuff.

[yelling] [foreboding orchestral music]

- Sancho, to me, to me!

[groaning] [yelling]

Don't despair, I'm with you.

I'm going to rescue you.

[frantic instrumental music] [yelling]

- You know, we got here for a change, don't you?

- Yeah, I think I do.

[yelling]

We got real lucky.

[groaning] [yelling]

- Living, breathing humans, man.

Not sheep or windmills.

- Well, we had them.

[grand orchestral music]

- Freedom is yours!

Run, run with joy.

All men should be free.

I give you freedom!

Oh, this act of chivalry, my companions at arms,

will live in the annals of honor.

To have given freedom to--

- Freedom?

What do you mean, what?

Were they locked up in here?

[jazzy instrumental music]

Recognize that?

[jazzy instrumental music]

[scratching] [jazzy instrumental music]

What does that say, and don't lie!

- In my neighborhood, he's known as the man.

- Oh my living, breathing.

[paper crinkling] [jazzy instrumental music]

- Yeah, we want to thank you for this, sir.

[paper crinkling]

We just turned loose six notorious criminals

who were being transferred to maximum security.

[playful instrumental music]

- Listen, how many of them are following us now?

[speaking in a foreign language]

Nobody?

- Nobody.

[playful instrumental music]

- What's the trouble, sir?

- I don't seem to be able to start the car.

- Sometimes it helps to turn on the ignition, sir.

[engine rumbling]

- Sometimes I forget.

- Well, sometimes we all do.

[yelling in a foreign language]

[playful instrumental music]

You gotta admit though, man, truly, all things being taken

into consideration, not like it would be if they weren't,

this is the way to see Spain.

- Yeah.

- Now with the sun on your head

and the wind in your hair--

- And the hot breath of the law breathing right down on you.

You know, in Spain the word for fugitive is fugativo,

you see, so in case the man pulls the gun out and points

and says that to you, you'll know exactly what's going on

with the wind blowing in your hair and everything.

- El fugitivo!

- Yeah.

- It's got a ring to it, though.

Oh yeah. - Sure it does.

Listen, man, don't fool around.

I'm telling here

and the Spanish police are the most efficient people

in the world, man, and justice is short

and the sentences are long!

- Oh, will you stop?

Get out of here!

What we did back there was, well, we made an honest mistake.

- I hope so.

- And if we get caught, oh.

[engine rumbling]

- Fugativo, Fugativo.

[engine rumbling]

[door opening]

[door closing]

[speaking in a foreign language]

- Sir, this is an outrage.

Worse, an injustice.

[speaking in a foreign language]

- The short, happy life of El Fugativo.

[speaking in a foreign language]

[engine rumbling]

[door slamming]

[engines rumbling]

- Well, you insult the dignity of the Spanish FBI,

set loose six desperate criminals out in the countryside.

Now what do you expect?

- About 20 years.

- Yeah.

- 30?

- Gentlemen, please, I have good news.

- 10 years.

- Good news.

There is nothing to worry about.

That man is not with the police.

Neither are the others.

Though they speak Spanish fluently,

they are foreigners.

They are from Central Europe.

Their Spanish is definitely

not the Spanish of the Spanish policemen.

You remember the delicacy of my ear?

Is that not good news?

They are not policemen, imposters.

- Yeah, well Don, you forget one thing though.

There are more of them than us, you see.

They have guns.

We have none.

- That is the bad part of the good news.

- Oh truly, you have spoken truly.

[engines rumbling]

[door opening] [footsteps crunching]

[speaking in a foreign language]

- Definitely not the accent of a Spanish policeman.

- You're phony, you're phony, you're not fuzz.

[speaking in a foreign language]

[grunting] - Excuse me.

I said I was sorry.

[grunting] [punching]

Now then.

You step inside, my friend, and you tell your friends,

[snapping]

you tell your friends that we know you're not fuzz,

that you're a phony, this is not a police station.

Now go on, go on!

- He doesn't understand you, man.

- Well, explain it to him.

- No need!

I understood.

I am focused on the ear of your friend.

You kill my men, I kill yours.

Make your choice.

[foreboding instrumental music]

- Well, sir, I'm afraid you dropped something.

[foreboding instrumental music]

[dark guitar music]

- When last we met, our bargain was the next time

one would kill the other.

You have particularly served your purpose.

You have brought him to us.

Don Silvando--

- Ah, yes, yes.

You are the liar I met in Sevilla,

the one who tried to be my friend.

- I still want to be your friend.

- It's not my friendship you want.

I know it is something else.

- I want you to give me your knowledge.

- Why should I do that?

- For the satisfaction of knowing

that you have served us and thereby humanity.

- Oh, so that is what you are, a servant of humanity.

- Yes.

- My congratulations, servant of humanity,

upon your prison, your pistol, your machine gun.

[laughing]

- You can be freed, Don Silvando.

I offer you your life.

- Life?

I know that to be an illusion.

- But I can make it real with pain.

Think about it, Don Silvando.

You have 15 minutes to give me the answer.

[dark guitar music]

[door slamming]

- We have gallant adventures, do we not?

- Don, you want to know the truth?

- Truth?

- Yes, I mean, all the other things.

I mean, the sheep and the windmill.

They were all very nice, simpatico adventures,

but do you know what they plan to do with you?

- Torture me?

- Yes sir, that's true.

- It would avail them nothing.

[dark guitar music]

[sighing]

- Listen, you dig flamenco, don't you?

- Yeah.

- Right, it's beautiful.

Why don't you go tell him?

- What?

- Go tell them that you love his work.

Go ahead. [dark guitar music]

[laughing]

[speaking in a foreign language]

- Now, you see?

You told him that you love his work.

Now he likes you.

- He stopped playing the guitar

and he started playing his gun.

- Well, that's just a natural reflex because he doesn't want

to be caught off guard or anything like that.

I mean, that's what you understand.

You play guitar, don't you?

- I do.

- Certainly you do, you fool.

Student of the great Segovia, that you are!

- [Guard] Segovia?

- Yeah, yeah, go tell him.

- No, no you can't do this.

See, I'm, you can't go around just name dropping,

throwing Segovia around-- - I'm not talking

about throwing around no names, man.

I'm just saying that you have to stand up

and brag a little, definitely.

Go brag.

- About Segovia?

- See?

- Right, okay.

Segovia is my professor.

[speaking in a foreign language]

Yes.

- How'd it take it?

- He's envious.

[speaking in a foreign language]

[laughing] - No, no.

[speaking in a foreign language]

- Alright, hold it, hold it.

That's enough modesty now.

Now tell the man that you're going to play

for him some brilliant chords for his entertainment.

Go ahead, take it.

[guitar twanging]

Now, when I say,

"Hit it,"

I want you to hit it.

Hit it.

- Hm?

- Hit that Fletcher before he wakes up.

[guitar banging] [frantic instrumental music]

[engines rumbling] [frantic instrumental music]

- No more retreat, we flee no more.

Here we make our stand, here we engage them.

Here the flags and banners of honor--

- Oh sir-- - Oh are you now a coward?

- Sir, it doesn't have anything to do with heroics

or cowardice or, it just has to do with reason.

Now all we have to do is you get in your car,

we'll get in our car, and we'll just drive off to Madrid.

- Flanked, retreat, coward!

- No, sir, I am not a coward,

but there comes a time in every man's life.

Look, fun is fun but the game's over now.

We gotta face hard facts.

- The hard fact that you are craven and weak.

- No I am not craven and weak.

- I challenge you to prove it, to prove that you are not!

[slapping]

By the rules of chivalry,

I shall lay down my challenge with a glove,

[sighing] but I am without one.

I apologize for the irregularity

and beg you to consider that you have been challenged.

- Okay.

Alrighty, now what do I do now?

- You are the challenged.

You have the choice of weapons.

- Well, there aren't too many old pikes

and broadswords laying around.

- Well, sticks would be nice.

- What did you say?

- I said,

"Sticks would be nice."

Now you can't get out of this one.

You've gotta prove to the man that you're not a coward.

Now the laws of chivalry say that if you whip him,

if you whip Don, everything he owns is yours.

You dig?

- Certainly.

You are right again, home.

What did you say about weapons, sir?

- The choice is yours.

- Well, I didn't pack my dueling pistols

or my base swords, foils, blades, what have you.

So I guess we'll just have to improvise

from our surrounding area something.

How about tree limbs?

- Good, a stout start.

- Take a whole tree myself.

Come on, woody.

Hey, here's a whole bunch of sticks somebody left here, man.

- Oh yeah?

Probably from the last only stick fight ever.

- I don't like your sense of humor just now.

How come that he never calls you a coward,

doesn't challenge you?

- 'Cause he knows I'm sensitive, that's why.

Mostly, I'll be you he'll whoop you all over this place.

- Are you kidding?

- One of the last of the great wooden samurai fighters.

[sighing]

- Alright, sir, want to take your pick?

- If you please.

- Yes sir.

[clearing throat]

- En guard, senor!

[sticks smacking] [forlorn orchestral music]

- Hey, don't look at me for sympathy, man.

Defend yourself.

[forlorn orchestral music] [sticks smacking]

Sad.

[forlorn orchestral music]

- I am defeated.

- [Kelly] Yes you are, sir.

- You are my conqueror.

- You see?

- That's all.

I'm your vassal.

- You are sir.

I mean, you're not.

- Yes he is, man.

- Yes you are, sir.

- Everything he has is now yours, man.

Now don't go back on that.

You'll dishonor him.

[sighing]

Panza.

- Sir, I want the results of your experiments in--

- Thermal coefficient for the homing anti-missile missiles.

- Yeah, that's what I want, sir.

- That is what you will have.

I will give you the contents of my notebooks.

[hopeful instrumental music]

[engine rumbling] [foreboding orchestral music]

[doors slamming]

- Whoever among you makes the first move

is the first dead man.

Who wishes the honor?

- Nobody.

- What a pity.

Take them over there!

Execute them!

[speaking in a foreign language]

Until we have got what we want from you, Don Silvando,

we can't kill you,

so for the time being, you are a very fortunate man.

[engine rumbling] [frantic instrumental music]

[gun firing] [frantic instrumental music]

[wheels squealing]

[engine growling] [frantic instrumental music]

[forlorn instrumental music]

- This is a brave man.

- He's better than brave, he's noble.

[forlorn instrumental music]

[playful instrumental music] [yelling]

- Ah, brave young blood of glorious Spain.

Intrepid, fearless, hooray!

- Woah, take care of yourself now.

You just came out of the hospital.

[laughing] - But cured.

Cured in body and mind, and mind.

- Well you're looking, sir, you're looking very fit.

- And why not?

The terrible thing I carried with me,

the secret that burdened me down, is now your burden,

your country's burden.

I only hope you're wise and brave enough to bear it.

For now, farewell.

You have been kind and I shall miss you.

- And we you, sir.

- Via con Dios, senor.

[hopeful instrumental music]

- To me, my brave ones!

Behold the dragon breathing fire

and destruction bear down on us!

Advance, charge! [laughing]

[jazzy instrumental music]

[groovy instrumental music]

[gun firing]

[groovy instrumental music]