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VIPERS NEST

Guys, to Martin's success, to my wonderful new home...

...and to the 2.9 million mortgage. Say it fast and it doesn't seem so bad.

None for me. It's been bothering me lately.

Me too, but so what? Cheers.

This couch is very uncomfortable.

Twenty Missoni pillows are still coming.

Could you hand me a moist cloth?

In the shop they think I'm his mother. - You're each other's spitting image.

He's so wonderful. Cutie-pie. - Claire.

It's all right, Cheryl.

I don't have children with Evert, but I enjoy other people's children.

Other people's children are great, right? - Would you like to hold him?

Have you read the newspaper?

That old tree on the Brink is allowed to be cut down.

Thank God.

You can hardly ever park there because of that precision caterpillar.

Procession caterpillar. - I could use some help with my protest.

I'm very busy teaching, Roelien.

I have a very good student. - A whole one?

The rest are just bored housewives.

But Bastiaan has a lot of talent. - In his pants, I'm sure.

That tree has been there for 200 years. - I have no time either, Roelien.

I have to pick Remy up from school each day. Myself.

Let me fund that wildlife tunnel. You're busy with that too.

It's not about the money. It's important to me that all of us...

Oh my God, 'Coffee Time' is on and Martin's in it. Quickly.

Barbara's book is entitled 'Becoming Who You Are'.

It's a trip to your own inner self.

You also give courses, right? - Yes, in France.

Interesting. - Might that be useful for you, Martin?

I don't know, although it's hard to say beforehand.

I think that if by now you don't know who you are, then a book...

But I could be wrong.

You've gone through a tough financial period.

Terrible. Then again, it makes you realize there's the other side of the coin.

You always get something out of it.

Like that whole CD. Where is it? I gave it.

'Lost Everything.' I ended up with 15 beautiful songs.

My aunt Cor... ...you'd find her adorable, I'm sure...

...she always said: "You have to hit rock-bottom to get back on top."

She was...

Anyway, you're going to sing a song from your new CD.

Dedicated to your dear wife Cheryl. - Of course. Honey, if you're watching...

Stand up and I'll announce you.

Thank you.

It's on, by the way.

Ladies and gentlemen, here's Martin Morero with 'She'.

she's got a face I won't forget

of which I'm never really sure whether it's dark like a cloud

or bright like the sun

she can be hot and cold at the same time

there's no one like her

I've often wished I could read her mind

Thanks. Sorry. - Are you OK?

This is so embarrassing.

I'm just a bit tired. - We all are. Chronically tired.

Isn't your daughter in Remy's class? - Yes.

Tiger Lily. - She's so cute.

We were out for dinner and he said: I'm leaving.

Honey, I said: I just ordered sushi.

But he left. Completely. Forever.

Your husband?

Ex.

Couldn't you just...

I'm Cheryl, by the way. - I know. I'm Fay.

Look, here they are.

Oh, hand in hand! How adorable.

He's going steady!

He's quite sociable. - Just like his father.

Mrs. Morero, could you come by for a talk some time.

Talk?

If you don't like his clothes...

I couldn't stop myself. I like to spoil him.

Claire, please sit down.

Let's sit down.

We're going away for a while. - How nice! You should.

I'll look after Boy. - The three of us.

Mom, you know that Winand and I worked on a development project.

Those water wells in... - Burkina Faso.

We're going there to help. - For Unicef.

For how long?

Three years.

No way.

You don't think I would let you take Boy to some...

...primitive desert village where he could catch God knows what.

It's completely safe there. - Safe! Don't make me laugh.

For him maybe. He knows people. It's one big family over there.

We don't have the right pigmentation for that climate.

We? - Yes, you, me and Boy.

We're not the type of people to trudge through the mud.

It's dry there. There's no mud. Nothing. That's why we're going.

Just because he's gone nuts, you don't have to go along with it, Merel.

Mom, I'm with Winand.

This is my family. - Do what you have to.

But Boy stays here.

We'll discuss it later.

I would appreciate it if you demonstrated with me...

...to inform people there's a limit and how...

Is this about that tree again? - It's been there for over 200 years.

It has more right to exist than we do.

That procession caterpillar is uncomfortable for shoppers.

And therefore for shop-owners. - They can be controlled naturally...

...by scorpion wasps. - As if they're so nice.

That tree is a monument. - I want to teach the girls...

You don't have to teach us anything. You're not our mother.

We're too late for field hockey practice.

Bye.

Bye.

Delicious. I'll take another raspberry.

She's a lovely woman.

Who? - That Fay. With a cute child.

And that prick leaves her for a younger specimen.

If a woman like Fay isn't good enough for a guy...

...then where does it stop. Where are the limits, Martin?

I don't know. Maybe she's a bitch.

No, she's a very sensitive, vulnerable woman.

Nice to know.

Good night, honey.

Sleep tight.

Honey...

...how's that sensitive, vulnerable guy down here doing?

I have a splitting headache again, honey.

That's my line, you know. - Is that so?

Do you have a truck full of concert tickets you can't unload?

The concert costs four times as much as expected.

I still have to hang up expensive black cloths everywhere.

I've invested two million.

Before you know it we have to move back to some hotel.

I don't see what that has to do with... Never mind.

Things will be fine, but for now...

Maybe you'll get lucky tomorrow.

Good night.

Do you still find me attractive?

I have so much on my mind there isn't even room to think about that.

You should be proud of them. - Dirk, it's Burkina Faso!

I think you're too close to Boy. - He's my grandchild.

He's my own flesh and blood. - Merel is your child. She's an adult.

She knows what she's doing. - I just can't handle it.

The thought alone makes my stomach hurt.

Have you eaten enough? I'll switch on the deep-fryer, OK?

Yummy, a deep-fried chicken wing. Feel like it?

Or a corn dog? No, I know what: an egg roll.

Egg rolls. Delicious, right?

In our next lesson we'll pay attention to the structure of the grape.

Bye. Drive safely.

What are you even doing here?

This handicraft club is far below your level.

I don't care about levels. - It's so good.

You already painted ten that are even better.

It's as if you're not even interested. - I'm interested in you.

Well...

What do you mean? Don't, Bastiaan.

No, this isn't right. It really isn't.

Oh, Vlinder. Hi, sweetie. You're home early.

Hey, get back over here, young lady.

You have to leave. Take your paintings with you.

They're yours.

When I look at his eye-hand coordination...

His what?

With the building bricks. - Oh, the bricks.

It goes beyond that. It involves his entire cognitive development.

Remy is still stuck in the sensory motor stage.

Just go on. He's very busy. I'll listen and tell him later.

No, it's all right.

In the preoperational stage it's fine when a child is at the bottom limit...

...of his spatial development, but Remy...

That's unbelievable. Jesus.

Just go on. - Remy is at the bottom of the curve.

What a bunch of assholes. What's so difficult about a lamp?

I'll go to another lamp dealer. Jerk. - Can you do this later?

We're... - I know. Sorry.

The three of us...

Remy is still working on deferred imitation.

No, he isn't. He doesn't even know what it is. Neither do we, right?

I mean that he is imitating the way you talk.

Can't be. I don't know how to talk proper.

So actually, he can't do anything. - Well...

Indeed, his speech is delayed. - Can we do something about it?

Tutoring?

Pills? Should he go see a shrink?

We're willing to do anything.

Honey, stop it. He's only four. We were late with everything too.

Not me. I received my hairdressing certificate when I was 18.

Anyway, I was late and I turned out all right.

Here: Information meeting. Write it down in your diary.

We've got enough information. Please! - You're going. It's important.

Hi, Fay! Martin, this is Fay. I told you about her.

Telephone. I've been very busy lately.

Did they call you in too? - Yes.

They want Tiger Lily to skip a grade. They're afraid she's getting bored.

How nice.

I think she should stay a child for as long as possible.

I totally agree. All that serious stuff.

You two should come by some time. Remy will enjoy that too.

I want a flashy costume to make a grand entrance.

Good luck. See you later. - Bye.

Hold on. - Just open that door.

Roeltje, where are you going?

I promised to take Mrs. Egmond van Loon for a walk.

I'm having dinner by myself? Can't you cancel?

People are counting on me. - You don't even know her.

She's old and lonely. I hope someone will be there for me when I'm that old.

Animals, trees, seniors. - Pardon?

It's no fun by myself.

I don't complain when you have to take a conference call.

But that's for my job.

You can't compare the two.

You have nothing to do all day and I finally come home exhausted...

Sweetie, is dinner ready for me? Did you heat it up?

Come on Vlinder, I'm not that much of a witch.

I wish you were.

You're a slut.

Excuse me? - I'm ashamed of you.

Always those men. Everyone is talking about you.

Who's everyone? - At school.

What do they say? - That you're a slut.

The biggest of 'Het Gooi'.

I... That Bastiaan...

Listen young lady, I don't have to answer to you.

I'm your mother. You don't call me a slut.

Go to your room.

Right now!

Ah, well. Sit up straight.

Mrs. Egmond van Loon, you can't do that.

This is the voicemail of Bastiaan de Vries, please leave a message.

Hi Bastiaan, this is Anouk. I'd like you to pick up your paintings.

I think it's better that you don't attend my lessons anymore.

You're not interested in them anyway. OK. Bye.

Bunch of ingrates!

Hey. Sweetheart.

Forget about it! - Just for a bit, or I can't get to sleep.

Everyone only thinks of themselves. I suggest you continue that trend.

There you go.

Well, if this is the way it has to be. - Good luck!

Claire? Coming to bed. - In a minute.

What are you doing? - Nothing.

You're kidding. - Merel is irresponsible. It's my duty...

You're trying to get custody. - I'm just researching the possibility.

You're taking it too far. - I can't be without him for three years.

I just can't.

Oh, honey...

Things will be fine.

Come to bed, OK?

Is it working, sweetheart? - Just fine.

Wonderful.

Martin is stressed. Don't take it personally.

When he was stressed before, we did it in every room of the house.

I loved his stress. He just doesn't find me attractive anymore.

He's not as young as he used to be. - Look, Yari. Do you see that?

I tuck the pencil underneath my breast...

Well.

Good job. - Good job? It's supposed to fall.

I could stuff a whole make-up bag underneath there.

Honey, you've had a child. Soon you'll be...

I can't even think about another birthday. - You have to celebrate it.

And then you'll abandon me for weeks. - But the shows in Paris.

I have front-row Marc Jacobs. I'm there for you too, you know.

I have to run. We'll discuss it later. Cheer up.

And buy a push-up.

Already got one.

He always says that he's going for a supermarket sponsor.

No, but anyway... Hold on.

Hey, twinkie...

...could you buy Cheryl a present from me? Here's some dough.

I just don't have the time. - Do it yourself. I have a life too, OK?

I don't know what to get, but you know her.

New jugs. - We've got enough jugs already.

I'm back.

Stop it. It's killing me. - But I just brought out that new song.

she is like the mirror of my soul

my strength and my Achilles heel

Achilles heel? - I know it's weird, but it rhymes.

Over 20,000 have been sold since 'Coffee Time'.

Wow. - It's nice it's going so well.

Thanks, Claire. The trick is to keep it that way.

There are some tickets left. You're coming, right?

'Martin and Friends.' We still have to finish the contracts with the friends.

Sweetie... not right now.

It's my birthday.

Dear people, nice to see you here.

I've been very busy with those concerts and I will be for a while longer.

But I've been able to find a nice gift. - Really?

Unwrap it. - A book gift certificate.

Just what I always wanted. - You're close. A jug certificate.

Isn't it beautiful? There's actually no such thing.

I had to design it myself. It's a gap in the market.

A breast enlargement?

Of course I mean: Breasts enlargement.

Get them both filled, otherwise you'll be out of balance.

And so will I.

You're giving me a boob job for my birthday?

Wow. That's quite generous.

I've never had them done, but I don't need it, of course.

Mine are still very perky. I still get compliments on a regular basis.

So, yes, that's me, but...ah, well.

You can decide on the size and shape yourself. So, go wild.

But I have to say that I prefer an apple to a pear.

Did I do something wrong? Come on!

It's handy to know some things.

I give them a cold shower every morning.

It's my fault. He completely misunderstood me. It was a joke.

Unbelievable. He should respect the natural maturing of your body.

Maturing? Decay, Roelien. - That can be beautiful too.

Every stage has its own charm.

Anyway, it's hard to find you a gift. All we came up with was caviar.

How are we going to do this? - Simple. On a cracker.

I mean, getting older with some style.

Damn it! - Are you OK, Claire?

No!

Merel and Winand are taking Boy to Burkina Faso.

What a strange destination. - What do they have there?

Nothing. That's why they feel called upon to help.

I find that very admirable. You can be proud of your daughter. I can't even...

If you mention that tree one more time I'll slap you.

Three years! They're going for three years.

You can visit them. - Can you see me flying back and forth...

...for three years between 'Het Gooi' and Burkina fucking Faso?

Vlinder called me a slut.

Sorry. - It's not funny, not even for a teen.

Geez, I thought I had problems. - Well, you do, Cheryl.

We all do, except for Roelien.

I hit a handicapped senior citizen.

And left her behind by herself.

Did you do this? - Get your toothbrush. We're leaving.

You're drunk. - With love for you.

It's not even noon yet! - Who gives a shit. Let's go.

Give me those keys.

No, you can't drive. I'll call you a cab.

Choose life, Anouk.

Vlinder, please call a cab. This is not what you think!

It's a very strange present. Who comes up with this?

That's not the way I see it.

Cookie? You should say 'please', but, ah well.

One for you. Want one too, Tiger Lily?

Thank you very much, Mrs. Morero.

She's very articulate. - You know, you shouldn't do it for him.

Easy for you to say. You have terrific breasts.

They're not natural either. - What!?

I wish my husband had paid for them. I had to save up every penny myself.

I didn't go on vacation for a whole year.

Because of those...? - A small D cup, 355 cc.

My own were pea-sized. - Get out! Really?

They look so natural. - Want to feel them?

Wouldn't you find that weird? - Of course not.

You don't mind? - Course not.

I'm wondering if you feel they're there. Then I don't want them.

Is it just soft? - Yes.

Unbelievable, they just bounce back. I would have never expected that.

I wouldn't have expected this either, but don't let that stop you.

Still angry? Next year, I'm just giving you another watch.

Do you still remember Fay? The mother of...

Right. Lee Lion's mother. - Tiger Lily.

I knew it had something to do with an animal of prey.

I just can't believe it. They look fabulous.

Good morning. - Good morning, everyone.

Come home with me, sweetie. - If you come any closer, I'll sue you.

I don't have time for this. - Neither do we.

If madam can't control herself. - She will.

Sweetie, where is that key?

Hormones, you know.

Or no, her thyroid. If madam doesn't take her medication on time...

Evert! - But sweetie, this is crazy.

You're all guilty of the destruction of this priceless piece of heritage!

Come on.

You're coming home now. This nonsense is over and done with.

Goodbye. Thank you.

Hold it right there.

Come and sit down.

I know you're at a very difficult age.

You have every right in the world to rebel against me.

What's that stupid van doing here?

It's Bastiaan's. I wouldn't let him drive.

He's going through a rough spot too. - I've had enough.

All those adults with their rough spots. - He isn't an adult.

Neither are you. Some people never seem to grow up.

You just listen carefully. You don't have to agree with everything.

But I want you to respect me.

Then don't spread your legs for everyone.

I've never been this humiliated! - What do you want?

You acted like I was crazy. - You got what you wanted.

The chopping has been delayed. - You don't support me.

We're talking about a tree! - It's about a lot more than that.

It's about how you deal with nature. - You're turning it into a principle.

Yes! What else can I do when no one else cares?

When the world in which we live is going to hell?

That door's made of wood too, you know. Doesn't it have feelings?

Then it all seems so empty.

Meaningless.

In my darkest moments I wonder if it matters whether I exist or not.

I don't make a difference anyway.

I don't add anything.

What's this?

Bleached tissues!?

Four layers!

Four layers of bleached paper for my simple tears!?

Do you know how many square meters of tropical rain forest this costs?

We'll be drowning in tissues while we won't have enough oxygen...

...for our last breath.

Have fun and have a good trip. - Thank you.

Claire?

Yes. Claire!

Work hard. You're going to the sunshine, Boy.

Enjoy, guys.

Bye, son.

Vlinder...

...I want to explain why I said that to you.

I know I haven't always been an average mom.

But I am your mother, after all. I've been trying hard lately...

Besides, I don't owe you an explanation. I try my best.

And I didn't even have a relationship with that Bastiaan.

Oh, sweetie. - I'm going to live at Dad's.

Merel!

Sweetheart.

Bye, sweetheart.

Look who's here.

Have a safe journey.

Take care of each other.

Good afternoon. - Hello. She has an appointment.

The doctor is still busy. Have a seat. He'll be right out.

It's so sweet of you to come along. - Paris will wait.

Marc Jacobs won't, but that's OK. I'll go tomorrow.

Look, here are those implants.

Take silicones. Not water. It sloshes. - Really?

I think Fay has something like this.

Who's Fay? - A mother from school.

She's been abandoned by her old man, but she looks fabulous.

So do you, sweetie. - Not like Fay.

It's wonderful how those breast really keep up her spirits.

Good afternoon. Sorry I kept you waiting.

It's incredibly busy.

What would you like to have done?

Right. That could indeed use some reduction.

We're here for me, not me.

I'm here for my breasts.

Are you sure? - Yes, she's sure.

And I don't know if you know this, but small noses are so 2010.

Very 2010.

Sorry, I need the space, but don't get rid of your work.

It will come in fashion again. It could take a while, but...

Doesn't matter. I know what the art world is like.

What's this? - Oh, that. Yes, that's...

You're a sly one.

You give me all your old junk, but this is exactly what I want.

Let me enlighten you. - Don't.

No need to be insecure about this. It's brilliant.

It's bold. It's hip, modern. It expresses the zeitgeist perfectly.

You've still got it in you.

This sounds wonderful: Brioche with caramelized foie gras.

That's just not done anymore, Dirk. - You're right.

On the other hand, if it's on the menu those geese have already been abused.

It's a waste to throw them out.

Sweetie... here.

You're turning me into a fat person.

What if we made a baby?

Pardon me?

A baby for you. And for me, of course.

I don't have one yet.

But before we do that, there's something else we have to do.

Dear Claire...

...will you marry me?

Oh my God!

She was just going to do her breasts, wasn't she?

Oh Cheryl, what did you do?

Girls...

...I'm over here, you know.

Get well soon.

Praise the Lord!

Look.

Nice of you to come. - Of course we came.

Claire has big news. - This is not the right moment.

She's getting married. - Stop it.

Really? How nice. Congratulations.

Thank you, Anouk.

Where's Martin, by the way?

It's not working. - This suit cost 20,000 euro.

I know, darling.

I'm not... What the heck are you doing?

It short-circuited. - A shock on my back.

You sweat too much. Relax. - Turn that thing off.

Nervous Nellie. - Look what I have here.

It's like 'Sister Act Ill'. They have to look a lot hotter.

When you have a seat far away it's like looking at three black cloths.

Sweetheart, you have a lovely figure. Yes, like this.

Honey...

...you haven't said anything yet. - I have a splitting headache.

I'm in a lot of pain too.

So the least you can do is say something nice about them.

I'm a bit disappointed.

What? - I was expecting more.

At least wait 'till the bandages come off. - Then don't ask.

You're not even looking. - I already looked. Leave me alone.

Some random skank just about makes your neck snap.

And you don't even want to look at me.

You and your ice pack! - You know why?

Because I work my butt off to fill out your blouse. That's why!

Leave me alone.

Go to hell.

I absolutely did it for myself, but I don't have to look at them.

So... what do you think?

Looking at it objectively as a sexless professional male person.

What do you think?

Wait. Perhaps you should feel them. Come here.

Go ahead. They're still sensitive, but they won't break.

And?

What do you think?

I'm looking for Bastiaan. - Who isn't.

It's important. He's getting a big show.

He gave notice, went on a world tour and left his whole mess behind, so I...

Hold on.

Here, take a look.

Bye.

A big kiss for my little guy.

Hi, Cor.

Let's go. The sooner we're home, the better.

Are you coming? - You said I had to.

No, but I think it's great and so will Anouk.

Is Anouk coming too? - We're going to her exhibi...

...tionist. - No, it's that info thing.

At Remy's school.

No! - Yes, and I had to come.

I had to cancel a meeting for that video.

Dear God, I can't make it.

Why would I buy a new dress for a school evening?

I have to go to Anouk's exhibi... What's it called?

Show.

Incredible. - I can't not go. It's important to Anouk.

Then I'm not going either.

You thought it was important for Remy. - I still do. So you go to the school.

I'll go to Anouk's. That way we don't offend anyone.

Sorry, honey. Mistake. That can happen.

We'll just split up. What else are you a couple for?

Listen to her. As if I've got nothing better to do.

Incredible! You're such an amateur.

Have you ever done anything you're deeply ashamed of?

Of which you think: Did I do that?

That gives you a feeling of being on a train.

A big, fat, steaming train that pushes on and on.

Decency demands that you pull the emergency brake.

But there's also a little devil inside that says: Go Anouk!

"Go for yourself and let everyone else drop dead."

Are you familiar with that?

Are you familiar with that? - Sure.

You know that that was stupid, don't you?

What? - You know how busy Martin is.

Then you demand he attend that school night.

Then you forget, so you can go boozing with your friends.

I'm not going out boozing.

This way your marriage won't last, not even when you get 20 new tits.

Cheryl's on her way. - You outdid yourself Anouk.

I never dared to tell you, but I didn't like your old work.

But this is marvelous. My hat goes off to you.

Same here. It's gorgeous.

It really affects me. It's slightly unsettling.

That's nice, girls.

Anouk, come here for a minute. - I...

I know that fashion isn't a priority for you.

But that bag is way too big.

Are you going camping or something? - No. Something else.

Hello. Sorry I'm late.

Isn't Martin here? - He was here a minute ago.

I'll go and look for him.

Martin, what are...

...What are you doing? - Nothing.

I'll be right there.

It's good I ran into you.

I'm collecting money for a wildlife tunnel.

Great. It's important for the ecology and the animals.

Thank you.

I'm collecting money for a wildlife tunnel.

There you go. - Terrific. Very generous of you.

Thank you.

Vlinder, sweetie, you came!

Mom, what is this?

It's Mom's new work.

She can be proud of it and you of her.

Proud. Dad, these are... - Grown-up business.

I'll explain it to you later, OK? - What is this about?

I want to go home. - No, sweetie, you stay here.

Is there something I need to know?

Ladies and gentlemen... - Excuse me.

May I have your attention, please.

We're here to celebrate the resurrection of a terrific artist.

I always believed in her. And here she is.

Risen like a phoenix from the ashes: Anouk Verschuur!

Thank you, dear people. I appreciate it that you're all here.

What a great turn-out.

As you can see, with this work...

...is a new departure. I...

...I'm happy you all like it.

The work speaks for itself. Have fun.

Bye.

What's wrong?

I'm not coming home. I'm staying with Anouk.

Cor can bring Remy there. I can't stand the sight of you anymore.

I don't give a shit about your concert. I've got my own production over here.

Nice. - Simple.

This is not what I mean. It has to be more luxurious and expensive.

Listen Cheryl, I want to keep it small. - Nonsense. I'm paying for everything.

You only marry twice, after all. Or three times. Tops.

I'm saying risotto croquettes. A prawn tart on asparagus cream.

Wagyu beef carpaccio with horseradish and black truffle.

Listen, we'd like...

...to keep it simple.

Do you really want the party in the garden?

We're going to rent a castle or the Amstel hotel. I'm paying.

I can't throw Martin's money around, but we'll have it at my place.

Dirk and I want to keep it small. - You want to keep it small.

Not Dirk. It's his first time.

The groom is a fishmonger, so he'll supply the fish.

Let's look at the cake instead.

Yes, let's look at the examples.

Too out-dated. Too classic. This one's too small for all of us.

This one's too small as well.

This one's a nice point of departure. - Isn't it a bit big?

Not beside Dirk.

Laurens, three bottles of champagne are not enough for 65 people.

I told her to put more in the fridge.

Are these Ecuadorian roses? - I should hope so. Why?

The transport by plane is very bad for the environment.

And those poor farmers are exploited.

I'll donate some money to the World Wildlife Fund, OK?

Claire is not getting an eco-wedding. Do that on your own time.

This friendly gentlemen asks where the doves should go.

Doves!? - For releasing after the vows.

That was Cheryl's idea, not mine. - Do you know what happens...

...after their release? They die.

They get completely disorientated. - We're all disorientated.

Especially Cheryl. Try to let go for now. Please.

Come with me.

I want the doves to go there on that table.

Shouldn't you be having your hair done? - No, I'll do a simple Grace Kelly bun.

Why? - Because I want to keep it small.

Grace Kelly bun?

There's only six bottles... Laurens!

Well, Dirk, the fishmonger's made quite a catch.

Let me give you one piece of advice: Don't talk about her tits.

Don't look at them. Don't touch them. Just pretend they're not even there.

There's a young man here with square boxes.

The pizza. I was afraid he'd be late. Come on in.

Pizza? - Yes, I'm starving.

Wonderful. - Here's a calzone and a cheese pizza.

Perfect. Does anyone have money?

You're in church.

You didn't pay last time either. Don't be so stingy.

It doesn't smell of fish. - It's just to tide me over.

Don't forget to enjoy yourself. It's your day.

Is it time already? - Yes.

Here come the waterworks.

Off I go.

Attempt number two.

With this marriage you promise to be faithful forever...

...and to resist temptations.

You promise to love each other all the days of your life.

And to support each other unconditionally all the days of your life.

You promise to together and in harmony...

...to raise the children given to you...

...and to accept them as a gift from God's hands.

Dirk Zebedeus Stubbe...

...do you wholeheartedly...

...accept Claire Elizabeth van Kampen as your wife?

How do you answer?

Yes, I promise.

Claire Elizabeth van Kampen do you promise...

...wholeheartedly...

...to accept Dirk Zebe.. Zedebe... - Zebedeus.

Sorry. - That's OK.

Zebedebe... - Zebedeus.

Dirk Zebedebede... Zede... - Zebedeus

Dirk Zebedeus Stubbe.

How do you answer?

Sorry...

What?

Sorry...

Claire! - Let's stay calm.

Claire, wait.

Oh God, all those presents have to be returned.

A book. Who gives a book for pete's sake.

A self-help book, of all things.

'Becoming Who You Are.'

Anouk's in the paper. - What?

"Artist from 'Het Gooi' commits art fraud."

This is terrible. It also has my picture.

Oh sweetie, now you can't show your face anywhere anymore.

Your new breasts are in it too. - Where?

"Silicone Cheryl."

This is a nightmare! - Big deal.

Everyone will only stare at my breasts now.

Whose fault is that? - Your point being?

Isn't it time to liberate those doves from that basket?

No!

Maybe they're just having a nap. - Doves don't nap!

Do you see them waking up?

Maybe they're relaxed because they know...

...they don't have to perform anymore. - This is your fault. You killed them!

There's a pound of pheasant pâté in the fridge.

But do you care about those pheasants? Hypocrite.

Hypocrite! That you can get that out of your trap.

Did you say "trap"? To me? - Guys, please!

If you had listened to me, we wouldn't have been here.

Why not? - I wanted to keep it small, Cheryl.

We're with the four of us, so it can't get any smaller.

OK. Does anyone want some cake? - No, thank you.

Wagyu beef, sashimi, risotto croquettes?

We could take a journey to our inner self.

Wonderful. In France. - That's a gorgeous castle.

Absolutely no way.

What the heck is this? - I don't know, of course.

Ridiculous. - It's addressed to you.

So I wouldn't read it. The only thing I know is: she phoned me...

...to look after Remy.

And then you don't ask why? - Why should I?

Well... - What do you mean "well".

Doesn't it say in here?

Who's Fay? - Fay? Is that...

Not again. You're such a stupid good-for-nothing.

Why? - Why? Because of this, of course.

That's got nothing to do with it. - Just stop it. Loser!

Welcome. I'm Barbara.

These are your first steps on the path to a completely new life.

We made reservations in the name of 'Morero'. I'm Cheryl Morero.

You don't have to prove anything here. Name and status aren't important.

Let them go. Come on in.

Hello.

Where are you?

The kids and I are worried sick.

I have to take care of myself for a while. - What about us?

You don't need me. - But we do.

We miss you. - I miss you too, but there's no point.

Give my love to the girls. - Roelien. Roeltje!

Incredible.

Where the hell are you? I need you. - Really?

Everything's falling apart. Aunt Cor and Remy want to swim...

...and I can't get that cover to open. Now I'm late for an appointment.

Is that why you're calling? - You know how it works.

What? - Mi-cro-wave.

Aunt Cor doesn't know how the microwave works.

Did she hang up?

Hi Tom, it's me. Could I talk to Vlinder?

She doesn't want to talk to you. - I don't care. I want her to.

Anouk, just leave her be. Things will be fine.

Come on down. Find a spot and make yourself comfortable.

Take your shoes off if you want. Take off large pieces of jewelry.

Let go of unnecessary baggage.

Anouk, hold on. We'll have plenty of time for introductions later.

One student is late. He had a concert last night. A very famous singer.

Louder with those trumpets.

do you love me? are you mine?

or do you love someone else?

I don't know what else I can do

are you sick of me? let me know, honey

I don't want to lose you

What's wrong? - You must be kidding.

Don't you hear it?

OK, now. But you didn't hit it before. - Not at all.

I don't want to lose you

I'm busy taping something, pal.

Where did you get these? - IS MARTIN HAVING AN AFFAIR?

There was gossip about my wife and me too.

"Trouble for the Moreros." - Cheryl has to be at that concert.

You're right.

We can forget about that. - So who will you sing 'She' to?

Come on.

Things will be fine. Don't worry about it.

I'm here at the request of my wife. She thinks I'm gay.

What does he mean 'thinks'?

So I'm doing this for my wife.

I don't think it's necessary, because I'm not gay.

Please! - In a minute you may share with us...

...why you are passive-aggressive. But first it's Sophie's turn.

Ok. So I'm Sophie. I've been Business Woman of the Year three times.

That's not important here.

Now I know. You were ahead of me on the waiting list for that Hermes bag.

You'd think I've got it all and I shouldn't complain.

But I recently stopped working.

Now I discover that without work I have no life.

I have nobody. - I assume you have friends.

I had my work and colleagues... - Thank you for sharing, Sophie.

My turn?

So I'm Roelien. I feel...

You described it so beautifully on the cover of your book...

What did it say again? - You don't feel appreciated.

Childless, but not by choice. You don't matter.

Thank you. That's what I mean. I'm not appreciated and recognized.

People never let me finish... - Thank you for sharing, Roelien.

Anouk, is that true for you as well? - No, I'm just a common crook.

And not even a good one at that.

And my daughter calls me a slut. - Are you surprised?

Your turn, Claire.

Fine. I'm Claire van Kampen

I'm an alcoholic, but I've already been treated for that.

I'm actually here for her. She's got no self-respect.

So she had her breasts enlarged to keep her husband from cheating.

That's absurd. - It's true, isn't it?

Cheryl, would you like to tell us why you're here?

Yes. Please.

I am Cheryl. I've got new breasts because I wanted them myself.

Come on. You cried for three days.

Someone can change her mind, right?

Yes. She can. That's why we're here. - See?

We're here to re-label our life in a new, positive manner.

To what?

It happens time after time. I don't know why I can't control it.

Do you have any advice?

You've got one too. Or not?

I do. - So?

How do you keep a leash on that thing? Please!

It's like mine leads his own life. Like he has a mind of his own.

His own voice. I always hear him say: "Go on, boy."

"Go and get whatever you can get."

What should I do about it? What do you do?

That naughty thing of mine should actually lie on this couch.

I should put that whole package here and you give it a good talking to.

While I, Martin, drive calmly home with my intellect...

...prepare for my concert and don't hurt my wife all the time.

Because that happens, you know.

But of course you won't do that.

Thanks for the talk, dude.

I'm busy with my concert 'Martin and Friends.'

Go ahead, Roelien. Let go. Trust them.

You didn't hold on in the womb either. Try to get that sensation back.

Fall backwards in the arms of your primal mother.

The group will catch you. On the count of three.

I can do this. I can let go.

One...

Two...

Three. - Sorry I'm late.

Are you OK, Roelien. - Sure. Physical pain isn't bad.

Jean Philippe, could you tell us more about your sex addiction?

There's not much more to say, except that I'm addicted to sex.

How does that express itself? - Cheryl, please! We're eating.

How does your wife feel about it? - I'm not married. That's not possible.

I'm not married either. I love my freedom.

Tomorrow we're doing body reading with handicraft therapy.

Nice. What is it exactly? - Therapeutic ceramics.

Sounds interesting: body reading.

I want love, wherever I go

wherever I am before I die

I'm going to bed. I hope you don't stay up too late.

We're in the middle of a precarious process.

Of earning a tidy sum, she probably means.

Barbara is a woman with a big heart. Don't be so lame.

You know what's lame?

Our tiny problems we have to project tomorrow onto our handicraft ashtrays.

I'm going for it. I really want help.

Just accept you're gay.

Then you and your wife are helped in one go.

And about your problem, Jean Philippe: It will get less as you get older. Really.

Your huge libido might be charming now.

But in a few years you'll be an old, lonesome pervert with a guitar.

I'm going for a stroll.

Jean Philippe?

May I join you?

Sorry. - That's OK.

Do you still drink for fun?

I'm not an alcoholic.

A woman who's always equipped with a corkscrew and mouthwash...

...is an alcoholic.

I've always worked my butt off.

I have a house in Antwerp, Amsterdam, an apartment in Cannes and...

...all three are empty. No husband, no children.

My daughter is out improving the world.

Nice. You have a daughter. - And a son-in-law and a grandson.

They're building water wells in Burkina Faso.

And I left my intended second husband in front of the altar.

I just couldn't.

But I do have friends.

Three.

Very good... - Claire van Kampen.

Speaking of which...

About the equipment in your bag: I think you picked the wrong course.

I'm not as far gone as she, after all.

You think you know so well what makes the world tick.

But let me tell you something... You're nothing.

Nothing at all! With you're big...

...big, big...

Hello? - Good evening. Can I help you?

Fay? - Hi, Martin.

What are you doing here?

I want to know where I'm at. - What?

Are you deaf? She wants to know where she's at.

And by that she doesn't mean the doorstep.

I assume that this is the skank who gave you a blow job.

I can handle this myself. - You're lucky I just did my nails.

Otherwise I'd knock all those bleached crowns out of your trap.

You want to know where you're at? - After what we had together.

Listen carefully, Fay. I just went to that school to look at some handicrafts.

And you looked at my crotch like a starving rodent.

This is not fair. - Come on. You knew I was married.

You pretend to be my wife's friend and then you grab me in a weak moment.

Then I'm the kind of asshole who can't say no.

But don't you tell me what's fair or I'll slap you around my property.

I won't be pushed aside for a second time.

Not again.

Well, woof woof. Pay attention: What do we always say?

My regards to your family. - Exactly.

With thanks from me and my wife. - And the party committee.

That's a new one.

Beautiful.

They are stunning.

Thank you. Don't touch.

Don't touch.

Do you want me to leave? - No, I want you to stay.

We'll finish the bottle of champagne and talk.

You explain to me why men cheat when they everything they need at home.

You want to talk?

My head. I don't know how I got into bed last night.

I didn't know how to get out.

Thank you. - No, thank you.

Thank you for what?

Guys, we're so lucky.

It's a wonderful day to dedicate ourselves...

...to a creative, artistic self-reflective process.

I'm nauseous. - Eat something.

In the meantime, look at these things.

Have a look and see which material is calling out to you.

The material will choose you. - The clay will choose me, I bet.

Good morning. - Good morning, Sophie.

You don't need a coat. Today we'll be working in the shell...

...of our physical, vibrant, emotional body.

Our what?

We'll read our body script and that of each other.

I'd like to say something if I may. - You may, Sophie.

As long as it contributes to the needs hierarchy of the group.

I'm going. - What are you trying to say exactly?

That I'm leaving. I picked the wrong course.

I'll just grab a croissant. For the road.

It's a shame for all the energy we as a group spent on you thus far.

Whatever.

You've got my address. I'll be in Cannes all summer.

Stop by some time. - I will.

Bye.

Lovely woman.

Guys, are you coming. We're over here.

Shall we leave too? - No. Let's finish something for once.

What does Barbara mean with that physical, vibrant shell?

You're asking me?

Come on, ladies. Join us. - It's not scary.

In the nude we can dedicate ourselves completely to our body script.

It's good. Right, Jean? - Don't touch.

Come on, ladies. - No, we're leaving. Bye.

We're not doing that.

It's rather big. Where are you? - I don't see you anywhere.

I see you!

Is there still room for me?

Cultural heritage, ladies and gentlemen. Preserve the tree.

A hand for the tree.

Don't whine. We're sold out. Who would have thought?

Without Cheryl, the press will fall all over us. It's going to be mortifying.

This is Cheryl's voicemail. Please leave a message.

Cheryl, it's me.

So I'll be in front of 60,000 people in the Arena stadium.

All by myself. Remember?

Haven't you punished me enough?

Martin, sound check. - Coming. Could you leave.

What I want to say is...

I miss...

Miss you and...

...I'm sorry that I hurt you every time.

I love you.

That suede coat looked good on me, but it was very expensive.

Gorgeous, though. Perhaps we should go back.

I need something to eat immediately, otherwise I'll faint.

Eating is a waste of time. - Exactly. Everything's still open.

Guys, snap out of it. Come on, we'll get a bite to eat.

Move it.

Vlinder, could I at least get a smile?

I don't want any food. - You'll get hungry at the concert.

My stomach hurts.

Sweetheart...

...I understand you're at a difficult age. Rebelling against Mom is normal.

But if there's something you can learn from her, it's that life is to be enjoyed.

Mom always tries to make the most of it, whatever happens.

Sweetheart, there's no need to cry.

I don't mean to be harsh. - Dad...

We'll figure it out. Believe me. Mom loves you and so do I.

I know. - So why are you crying?

Something happened. I need Mom for it.

My treat. - Don't be crazy. It's my turn.

You threw away your money on that failed self-actualization course.

And a failed wedding.

It's Martin's money, so I'll keep spending it.

Hurt him where it hurts the most.

Fine with me, as long as I don't have to treat. My God, Paris is expensive.

Shouldn't you phone Martin?

Because? - His concert.

He'll be highly on edge right now. - Is that my problem?

What a good time we're having. - Fun.

Wonderful. We bought so many lovely things.

Look.

Thank God.

A piece of bread.

It's Vlinder. - Answer it.

Vlinder, honey. I missed you so much.

Any objections to me taking an oyster?

What?

Oh, honey!

Mom is coming straight home. I'll be with you tonight already, OK?

Love you too. Bye.

I want to go home immediately. - Why?

Vlinder is having her first period. - Poor child.

Where are you going? I don't have any money on me.

Wait a minute.

Praise the Lord. I don't have any money on me.

Roelien, I don't have any money on me.

NEW HIT IS A BIG LIE Morero mistress reveals all

I love you.

Are you OK?

Anouk, how fast does this thing go? - Just you watch.

Roelien, we're in a hurry. Lift your legs.

Cookie. Listen...

You're actually supposed to say: May I have a cookie, please.

May I cookie, pease. - That's it.

On to lesson 2.

You enter the kitchen in the morning and you say:

"Good morning, dear grandma, how are you?"

Are you. - That's it.

"So nice to hear you're doing well."

"So nice to hear you're doing well." I told you that.

Go ahead. - I can't.

You're right, it's complicated.

Done.

Take it easy. Get a grip.

60,000 people. They're here for you.

I can't breathe. - You'll be fine.

Take it easy. Think about beautiful things.

Blow. - Think puppies.

Soft ice cream.

Think beautiful flowers.

They're ready for you. They love you. Let's do it.

Can I have my purse? - Step on it, or we won't make it.

What are you doing? - Do you want that necklace?

Have a look. - I see it.

If I hold the wheel, you can put it on.

I'll hold the wheel.

This is wonderful.

You all look very good. All dressed in white.

How many people...

How many people do you actually meet in life?

10,000? 20,000? I don't know.

But how many of them you can actually call a friend?

One? Two?

What's the reason for your speeding? - Anouk, let me.

Hi, that cap looks good on you.

My husband, Martin Morero, is having an important concert tonight.

I just decided I had to be there. - That's it?

Let me. My daughter is having her first period.

do you love me? are you mine?

or do you love someone else?

I don't know what else I can do

are you sick of me? let me know, honey

I don't want to lose you no, not even for four million

I would - Is that so?

OK, seven million. - Half a million.

Come on, that's not enough. You don't even know how to shop for groceries.

maybe I disappointed you too often

there were tears in your eyes

she's got a face I won't forget

of which I'm never really sure whether it's dark like a cloud

or bright like the sun

she can be hot and cold at the same time

she's sometimes an angel and a beast

she turns every day into a feast

of which you never know whether it will end with a kiss

she's like the mirror of my soul

my strength and my Achilles heel

she, who in company shines like a star

whether she be close or far

I'm hers I don't have my own will

she, she is the mother of my child

she is the center of my life

even when I think I'm lost

she, who I've known for years and haven't gotten used to yet

a great mystery until the very last hour

she has to stay until the last day

I'm allowed to spend with her

without her I'm not free

my reason for existing

is... she

Ladies and gentlemen, Cheryl Morero. She

8,000 for a purse? - And a few years on the waiting list.

Don't.