Original subtitles

The original dress had paillettes sewn on by hand.

A woman in Boulder City does it, but, frankly,

I could retire on the price she quoted me, so...

I bought a serger and did it myself.

Not even Barbra could tell the difference.

Well, she could, but...

she’d appreciate the bargain.

So, that's what you’ll be wearing at the Libertine Ball on Friday?

It depends.

If I can finish the beading on the white tulle, it’s very finicky...

You know what, Bobby, why don’t we bring out the tulle?

- I'll give you a hand. - Oh.

Okay?

- Um... - I’m boring the shit out of him.

Maybe focus less on the dressmaking process

and more on the ball.

Like, why you're doing this, why this cause is so important to you.

It’s a featurette in a listings magazine.

We just need a few good quotes to help get the word out.

- I don’t do a lot of press, so... - Oh, I know. That’s why I’m here.

To JJ. For having such a beautiful reason to get his ass off that ranch

- now and again. - Oh!

Please. I am not the reason. I’m just a perk of the job.

Hear! Hear! Hear! Here's to the perk.

How’s shakes? KXF still giving you the runaround?

KXF?

Yeah, it's this little television outfit out of Orange CountyI’m looking to buy

to expand my media holdings.

My God, it's worth, what, 11 million now or something?

But the potential’s there for something bigger.

It's just, unfortunately, it’s owned by this... horse’s ass

who thinks he’s God’s gift to the airwaves.

Well, sure, they all think they’re Brandon Tartikoff.

Yeah. Well, in his case, the God part is literal.

Look, I respect faith, it's just this old geezer actually said to me

that he had to "pray on" selling his family business

to a divorced man.

Well, maybe you should tell him you’re dating a nice Christian girl...

...who makes you see Jesus

on a regular basis.

You had them eating out of the palm of your hand.

What can I say? I’m an incredible asset.

I got another one of these on Friday night.

And I promise it’ll be just as boring, but I’ll be twice as appreciative.

- This Friday. Um... - Yeah.

I would love to, but I have this thing with the girls Friday night.

It’s, like, this team building thing.

Yeah, no, okay. That’s fine.

But, uh, if you’d care to step into my upstairs office, Mr. McCready,

I’d be happy to make it up to you.

Oh, in the office. I didn't... Okay, come on.

♪ Gotta find ♪

♪ My angel eyes ♪

Hey!

Hi, Arthie.

You going to the ball on Friday?

Yeah. Wouldn’t miss it.

Good.

I’m going, too. With the girls.

Great.

Bunch of straight girls going to an underground drag ball.

Just what everybody wanted.

Yellow or green?

Did you ever have a high school teacher that wore a mint green suit?

And it makes you look a little sallow.

Wow!

Thanks for the confidence booster before the biggest opportunity

- of my professional life. - It doesn’t matter what you wear.

I’m just nervous. I’ve never auditioned for a friend before.

Sam asked you to read because you are a great actress

who’s right for the part.

It just feels... complicated.

Because it’s Sam. And Justine.

Well, you build a brick wall between the personal and the professional.

Compartmentalize.

And...

get on the road in time to make it back for our scene.

My audition’s at 2:00.

It’s a four-hour drive.

We won’t go on till after midnight. I’ll be there.

Okay.

This one’s all tuned up and ready if you wanna take it for a spin.

Oh, me?

I can’t. I, um... I never really learned to cycle, actually.

Come on. It’s as easy as riding a bike.

Okay.

All right.

Balance your center of gravity over the seat.

- All right. - Okay.

Good. Now, keep pedaling.

- Whoa! - When you slow down, you fall.

Whoa!

What the fuck is going on over here?

Hey, buddy, take it easy.

- We were just fooling around. - Let me explain something.

I’m not your buddy. I’m your boss, all right?

And if anyone's gonna teach my wife how to ride a bike,

it’s gonna be me. Are we clear?

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

- You sure? - Yeah.

All right.

I’m gonna be a while.

They forgot to put lights on the side of the ramps.

- But I’ll see you later, okay? - Okay.

Ruth Wilder?

- Hi! - Hi!

Oh, my God. Can you believe this is happening?

Of course I can. The script is great.

- Hey, Ruth. - Hi, Sam.

Thanks for coming in.

- Uh, this is Jonathan, our producer. - Oh!

- Hi, pleasure. - This is, uh, Mitzi,

the casting director.

- Thank you so much for having me. - Well, it's our pleasure.

These guys have been singing your praises all day, so...

- Should we jump right in? - Mm-hmm!

All right, slate for the camera, please.

Ruth Wilder, reading for Ms. Hayes.

Whenever you’re ready.

Okay.

So, you’re just gonna take a zero,

knowing what that'll do to your grade average in my class?

Don’t you care about your future?

Yeah. I just don’t care about whales.

Moby-Dick is not about whales, Julie.

It’s about passion. Obsession.

Finding the one thing that cuts through all the crap,

that keeps on driving you, no matter what.

And if you can find the thing you care about

as much as Herman Melville cares about whale semen,

then maybe you won’t totally fuck up your life.

I didn’t know English teachers were allowed to say "fuck."

Well, I haven't always been an English teacher.

I was a cool chick. With the band.

What happened?

I got pregnant.

And then I got divorced.

Do your homework.

I’m not having this talk with you again.

Great.

- Thank you. - Good job!

Thank you so much, Ruth.

Thank you.

Ruth!

Hey.

Look, that was great. Really.

Thanks.

Yeah, I’m stuck here a couple more hours, but you think you might wanna...

go out for a drink after, catch up a little?

I really have to get on the road

- for this thing with Sheila. - Okay. All right. Okay.

But there’s no point in leaving at rush hour.

As long as I’m on the road by 7:00, I should be fine.

All right.

So, Boardner's, 5:30?

Yeah.

Okay.

Good.

Over here, Sylvie!

Oh, damn. This is a lot of cheese.

Reggie’s getting fully gas chambered in that scissor hold tonight.

I want to ask you a question about...

your relationship.

Why are you putting "relationship" in quotes?

- I... I didn't. - Yeah, you did.

- In your mind. - Right.

Are you seeing him in, like, an emotional sense?

Or do you guys have some kind of... arrangement?

Well, that’s a very personal question.

Um...

Things haven't been good between me and Bash lately.

Are you guys fighting?

We’re not anything.

It’s like he's sort of lost interest.

It’s been weeks since we...

It's been months, actually.

Jesus, Rhon!

My God, I had no idea.

So, that’s why I wanted to ask you,

- as a friend... - Yeah.

...if it would be okay if I sort of... borrowed Paul.

But not how you think.

See, today in the car park, this guy was flirting with me,

and Bash got all possessive and turned on.

So, I was thinking, maybe tonight, Paul could come over and pretend to be,

like, a handyman or something, and make a pass at me.

And then Bash will get jealous and throw him out, and...

we can have hot sex and just... everything can go back to normal.

Okay, so you don’t want to sleep with him.

You just wanna make Bash jealous enough to fuck you?

Would that be all right?

Are you kidding? It's fucking amazing!

- Really? - Yeah, I mean,

it’s one night where I don't have to wonder

if he’s off fucking some other woman for money,

'cause he's off not fucking you!

Yes!

I feel like Brenda Vaccaro in Midnight Cowboy.

"Hey! I’m walkin' here!"

That's a terrible accent! And also, Dustin Hoffman.

- So, for Jimmy... - Nick Keegan, a hundred percent.

Is that the kid with the hair? Yeah, I loved him.

I agree. He’s pinned for a three-episode arc on Growing Pains,

but this is a hot feature, so I don’t think it should be a problem.

That's fantastic. He’s in.

Uh, should we talk about the English teacher?

Oh, it's... That's easy. It's Ruth, right? No question.

What? Oh, come on! Come on, she was great.

I love Ruth.

I’m just not sure she’s totally right for this part.

You're the one who wanted to bring her in!

Yeah, because you just wanted to offer her the part.

Uh, she was good. I just don’t buy her as this tough-talking woman with a past.

Ruth has done some shit, okay? You don’t know her like I know her.

Yeah, and if you didn’t know her,

would you see her that way?

Would you remember her at all?

- For me, it’s Angela. The redhead. - Yeah, she was great.

Hey.

What is that? Las Vegas Public Library?

Still really cutting it loose out there, huh?

How was the rest of the day?

You know what, don’t answer that.

I don’t want to know.

No, this is totally separate from that. Brick wall.

All right. Okay, good.

It's good to see you, Ruth.

You left without saying goodbye.

Well... Come on. Goodbyes are for teenagers.

Believe me, I know. I’ve spent the last six months with them.

Very, uh, sentimental.

Especially the angry ones.

Hey, what's with this guy? Hey!

I think I’m in love with you.

- What can I get for you? - Get the fuck outta here.

Since when?

Since...

I-I don’t know. A while.

You know, we went to the desert, and then we got lost.

And I went to your room, but you were gone.

- Why didn’t you call me? - Because you were gone!

Because I'm... I'm Midwestern

and was taught to respect people’s privacy.

And... And because I’m still dating Russell,

though I know that I need to do something about that.

Jesus Christ!

Is it too late? Do you...

Do you still...

Ruth, you’re...

...you're... you're a fuckin' nightmare.

Come here.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Oh, my God, we can’t do this here.

- What do you mean? - What?

I don't want to make out in public like the children in my daughter’s movie.

I mean, I’m a grown man.

I've got my own house, and there's no parents there.

Let's...

Let's go.

Okay.

Oh, gosh.

Oh! Do you want to maybe...

walk to your house?

- I don't know. - Or run?

Ruth, uh...

about the movie...

I told you, this has nothing to do with that.

Just listen.

You... You're not getting the part.

What?

Uh, Justine has something else in mind.

Um...

Y-You told me Justine wanted me to read.

Y-Yeah. She did. She just... She just...

She wants to go a different direction.

Well, what about you?

Well, I gotta do what she thinks is right.

- You’re the director. - I know, but she’s my kid.

And... And I...

Why are you telling me this now?

Well, because if... if we're gonna go home and do what I think we’re gonna do,

and you didn't know, I... I would... I'd feel like an asshole,

- and... - That's when you'd feel...

That’s when you’d feel like an asshole?

You called me in.

You knew how much this would mean to me!

You... You made me feel like I finally had a chance to do something real.

I... Look, look, come on. Just... You know, just...

Let's go home, and I'll... and we’ll talk. Let's just talk, okay?

Talk. Yeah, yeah, that's... I'll... I'll...

...pour out my heart to you about what a big fucking failure I am,

and you’ll pretend to listen, and then you’ll try to get in my pants.

Oh, yeah, right, 'cause that's what I do. That's who I am.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Right? Yeah, I'm that guy.

Ten minutes ago, you said you were in love with me,

and now because I didn’t give you some stupid little part,

like, I’m just like any other fuckin' Hollywood sleazebag?

Are you comin'?

Just... Just... Please?

♪ It's hard to recall ♪

♪ How we were at school ♪

♪ Our ambitions and conditions ♪

♪ And our hopes for the future ♪

♪ The teachers we had ♪

♪ Our mums and our dads... ♪

Everyone seems so free.

I’m sure as hell feeling it.

Yes! Let your freak flag fly!

Girl, I'm talking about being out of debt.

Let’s get a drink.

- Love this. - Thank you.

People of Argentina!

Welcome to the Third Annual Libertine Ball!

Come on. Thank you so... Let me hear you.

Thank you so much for being here tonight.

I, as always, am your host who’s not yet a ghost...

Miss Bobby Barnes!

Oh, it's so good to see all of you here tonight.

This is such an important event for our community.

Just your presence is doing so much to help those in need.

- Yeah. - But not as much as your money will.

So give generously, okay?

I promise not to spend it all on my Hawaii trip this year.

What? I have no idea what you're talking about.

And now, our first act,

back by popular demand,

by day, she's taking it all off at the Silver Slipper,

but tonight, she’s puttin' it all back on.

Ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous Imelda!

- It's a great crowd, huh? - Great?

It’s incredible. I’m not screaming at the bartender.

I mean, there are people here I don’t know,

and/or haven’t already slept with.

All you needed was a little publicity, and the rest just falls into place.

Ah.

Have you heard from Ruth?

No. It’s still early, though.

She was supposed to be here by now. I can’t go on without her.

- Whoop, that’s my cue. - Break a leg.

Um, you know what? She probably just hit some traffic.

Sheila, don’t worry. Here.

Why don't you get this going in the crowd,

and, uh, we’ll save you and Ruth for the end?

Okay.

Heard you're having a problem with your jets.

Come in, come in. Oh, my God, you look so great.

Very convincing.

Nice place you got here.

Um, we’re actually in the process of turning it into an office.

We’ll be moving into a house soon, in Henderson Estates.

Nice.

Well, let me know if you need any help maintaining the alkalinity

of your new hydrotherapy system.

Read a little bit of the manual on the way up.

- Oh! - Research.

Ah! Oh, um, before I forget...

this is for you.

Wow.

Sure you don’t want anything else tonight?

♪ Sometimes in the morning ♪

♪ When shadows are deep ♪

♪ I lie there beside you ♪

♪ Just watching you sleep ♪

♪ And sometimes I whisper ♪

♪ What I'm thinking of ♪

♪ My cup runneth over ♪

♪ With love ♪

♪ Sometimes in the evening ♪

♪ When you cannot see ♪

♪ I study the small things... ♪

What are you doing here?

I have a subscription.

I like to keep up with my goings-on around town.

Is there a reason you lied to me?

I don't...

I didn’t think you would approve of this sort of thing.

Hmm.

♪ We both will be old ♪

- Thank you. - ♪ We won't even notice ♪

- ♪ The world turning... ♪ - Whoa.

No, no, no, no. Whoa. You don’t need to do...

- Tex, come on! - You know, I had a nephew.

My sister’s boy.

Good kid. Beautiful singing voice, like those two.

He was 24.

- ♪ My cup runneth over ♪ - I'm sorry...

- ♪ With love ♪ - Yeah.

♪ With love ♪

Yeah.

- Beautiful, boys. Beautiful! - Thank you.

Okay, honey. This is you. You’re on.

What are you talking about? I can’t. Ruth isn’t here yet.

Too bad. The show must go on!

No, she promised she’d be here,

and Debbie said we could wait till the end.

Well, the end is nigh.

There’s only one act left, and it’s the big one.

Look, I love you, Sheila, I believe in you,

but you are not closing my fucking show.

I can’t do a two-person scene by myself.

Well, then sing a song. Howl at the moon.

Grab some big dyke from the audience and wrestle her. Anything.

Just stall and try not to fuck it up.

"Sawyer, you’re going out there a youngster,

but you gotta come back a star!"

Now, go! Go!

You look beautiful!

"You see...

my mother..."

Oh, wait! This is my other friend. Okay.

"She was brought up

with ideas of equality.

Women's freedom...

...and all that.

I came into the world against my mother's wishes,

and was brought up like a child of nature,

and taught everything that a boy must know.

I was made to go about in boys' clothes.

And take care of the horses, and...

harness, and saddle, and hunt.

In fact, all over the estate,

women servants were taught to do men's work.

The result being that the property came near being ruined,

and so we became the laughingstock of the countryside.

My father must have...

at last...

awakened from his bewitched condition,

for he revolted

and ran things according to his ideas.

And then came the big fire.

Which, of course, you've heard about.

The house, the stables, everything was burned.

And my father was utterly at a loss to know where to get money.

Then my mother suggested

that he try to borrow from a man who had been her friend in her youth,

a brick manufacturer here in the neighborhood.

Do you know who burned the house?

My mother.

Do you know who the brick manufacturer was?

My mother's lover.

Do you know whose money it was?

My mother's.

All this came to my father's knowledge. He couldn't proceed against him.

Couldn't prove that it was his wife's money.

And that was my mother's revenge

for his taking the reins of the establishment into his own hands.

Well, he lived it down.

And my mother paid full penalty

for her misdeed.

And those were five terrible years for me.

I sympathized with my father, but I took my mother's part.

Through her, I learned to distrust and hate men.

And I swore to her...

never to be a man's slave."

Yes!

Yeah, you did it!

Oh, look at that.

- I know... - I didn't know we had company.

Oh, honey, this is Joe. He came to fix the hot tub.

It was broken?

Just a little problem with the pump diffuser.

It's all good now.

He did an amazing job. Seriously, he's a genius.

- With hot tubs. - Mm-hmm.

I didn't know when you'd be back, and I was a little lonely,

so I invited him to stay for a bit. I hope that's okay.

No, I don't mind. Why would I mind?

I'm glad you've got someone to keep you company.

Joe, can I top you off?

Uh, I wouldn't say no to a scotch

- if you have it. - Okay.

- Long night? - Yeah, a... a dinner.

Uh, it's the life of a Vegas producer, you know? Cocktails, dinners...

openings, it's all... it's all part of the job.

Sounds so glamorous.

- I could never do it. - What? Of course you could.

You're so charming. And good with people.

I mean...

Oh...

- No, I shouldn't say it. - No, go ahead.

If I had a girl like you waiting at home,

I don't think I'd ever make it out the door.

I'm sorry. I...

I didn't mean anything by that. Just...

You're a lucky man.

It's okay.

I am the luckiest man.

I mean, look at my wife.

She's so beautiful, isn't she?

Yes.

And kind and...

...sexy. I mean, isn't she sexy?

Yes, she is.

You wanna kiss her?

I do.

If she wants me to.

Do you?

Don't worry about me.

I love you.

I want you to have everything that you want.

Do you want him to kiss you?

Do you want to touch her?

Why don't you touch her breast?

Rub your thumb over her nipple. She likes that.

Is this okay?

Yeah.

Oh, my God, yeah.

Come on.

Come with me.

Okay, my little deviants.

It's the moment you’ve all been waiting for.

Please welcome our very special guest,

the woman, the legend,

the rhapsody in diamanté...

Miss Las Vegas Show Girl, 1962...

Sandy Devereaux St. Clair!

Sandy, I am speechless.

For once. Thank God.

Created by the master himself, Bob Mackie.

Well, you couldn’t look more gorgeous if you were 25 years younger.

Fuck you.

No, seriously, I don’t mind getting older.

Age has some very surprising benefits.

- Hmm! - Like wisdom?

Among other things.

E flat.

Oh!

♪ How lovely to sit here in the shade ♪

♪ With none of the woes of man and maid ♪

♪ I’m glad I’m not young anymore ♪

♪ The rivals that don’t exist at all ♪

♪ The feeling you’re only two feet tall ♪

♪ I’m glad I’m not young anymore ♪

♪ No more confusion ♪

♪ No morning-after surprise ♪

♪ No self-delusion... ♪

Bobby, do you smell smoke?

♪ I think you're having a stroke ♪

No, Bobby.

Bobby, look.

Fire! Fuck! Fire!

This is not a fucking drill!

Hey. Babe, come on.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yo ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yo ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yo ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yo ♪

Well, I guess we got the word out.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yo ♪

♪ Oh, come on, baby ♪

♪ Oh, come on, darling ♪

♪ Let me steal this moment from you now ♪

♪ Oh, come on, angel ♪

♪ Come on, come on, darling ♪

♪ Let's exchange the experience ♪

♪ If I only could ♪

♪ I'd make a deal with God ♪

♪ And I'd get him to swap our places ♪

♪ I'd be running up that road ♪

♪ Be running up that hill ♪

♪ With no problems ♪

♪ Say, if I only could ♪

♪ I'd make a deal with God ♪

♪ And I'd get him to swap our places ♪

♪ I'd be running up that road ♪

♪ Be running up that hill ♪

♪ With no problems ♪

♪ Only could ♪

♪ Be running up that hill ♪