Original subtitles

I call this the Liberty Belle Special,

'cause it's all white meat and I found it in the trash.

Welfare Queen is nothing but a big phony.

I know, it, you know it, and she knows it.

That toothpick with tatas can't take me down!

Welfare Queen needs to stop being such a chicken

and fight me!

She called me a chicken?

Well, cluck, cluck, baby.

This chicken is about to lay all her eggs.

That's my crown, she stole it. And I want it back.

I'll see your redneck ass in the ring next week, Liberty Belle.

You will face me.

Just you and me!

Three coffees, here you go.

Actually, can I get two of those homestyle potato things?

For my son. He's at Stanford.

- Stanford? - Yeah.

I can't get my kid to read a book

without a super villain. How'd you do that?

I don't know. He loves school.

Full scholarship.

Only thing he doesn't love at Stanford is the food.

Your shift starting or ending?

Ending. I've been on my feet for ten hours.

Oh. I'll be on my butt for twelve.

But at least I get to see my kid for a few hours

before I drive back down for work.

That's a good mom.

Shit! I forgot formula.

It's fine. We always have extra for Randy.

Okay. So I've been stuffing

this down my shirt at night, like you said,

so it would have my scent for comfort.

Great. We'll try it at nap time.

Okay. Hey, have fun, turkey. So, I'll pick you up,

but daddy's gonna put you to bed

because mommy is working tonight.

And I know you don't understand

a goddamned word I'm telling you,

but I'm supposed to talk about things

so you learn words. I love you so much.

Come here, mister.

Sounds like you got a big day today.

I do. Tonight I get the crown.

I guess that makes Randy a prince, huh?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I have to go.

- Okay. Yep. - I have a lot of work to do.

Touch, touch.

Feel that heart beating, beating, beating.

Now go left, now touch.

Touch.

I accept this crown on behalf of all the mothers out there.

I'm honored to have this crown.

Even though I don't place value on those things,

I do value this.

- Hello. - Hi, Debbie.

This is Susan over at Mark's office. I am the new girl.

- Where's Irene? - Oh, she got moved on to a desk.

I bet she did.

So, listen, Mark had a quick question.

Wow, questions from the secretary. Sure, fire away.

Can you tell me the model of your bed?

Well, I don't know the model off the top of my head, Susan.

Oh, do you remember where you bought it,

or the size or anything like that?

It's just Mark's trying to furnish his new apartment

and he wanted to buy the same one.

I know you're trying to help, but what kind of asshole

makes his secretary call his ex-wife

to get the model number of his ex-bed?

Is it Ethan Allen?

Fuck.

Want a bed?

I got to ask my mom.

All right. Get it out of your system.

If you let me visit more often,

I wouldn't have to hug you so much.

Tammé Dawson, mother of Ernest Dawson,

one of only ten Martin Luther King Jr. Scholars on campus.

I don't know if it's written down there.

Here you go. The schedule.

Thank you.

All right. Where we going?

I'm on a tight schedule, but I want to meet all your friends

and maybe play one of those beer ping pong games.

I was thinking we'd stick to the

official parents' weekend activities.

You and the rules, I don't know where you get this from.

- You need to live a little, son. - Hey, Tyler.

Hey, Charlotte.

Tyler's the other black kid in my electrical engineering class.

Oh, they have a student production of Pippin.

You might like that, right?

Yeah, I love Ben Vereen.

Well, he's not gonna be in it.

Crap, never mind. It starts at eight. You have to leave by...

One.

One?

Mama, you drove all the way up here

just for three hours with me?

Why? You know I'm crazy like that.

Yeah, I know.

Does Family Feud really need you that badly tonight?

I'm not at Family Feud anymore.

What? Since when?

I got a new job.

Well, why didn't you say anything?

Last week you called me up

just to listen to you clean out your purse.

Oh, look! Who's this?

Mr. Stanford, Mrs. Stanford, and Stanford Junior?

Yeah, actually, that's exactly who it is.

Oh. Look at that.

Let's take a picture.

This thing wasn't there at all...

Excuse me. Would you mind taking a picture of me and...

Aren't you... Yeah, yeah, you're on that show, right? GLOW.

- Welfare Queen. - What did you call my mom?

Yes, thank you for watching.

I watch every Saturday. Guilty pleasure.

- Give Liberty Belle some liberty hell. - Yes!

What's he talking about?

Smile.

All righty, here you go.

Great meeting you. That was fun.

- Thank you. - Yay.

What? Oh, honey, they like...

Ah, gospel brunch. Yeah, let's do that.

You know Jesus, our Savior.

Mom.

Is there anything wrong with it?

No, it's in mint condition.

- Did somebody die in it? - Only my marriage.

There must be something wrong with it. $100.

I'm a handyman. I have tools in the truck. I can take it now.

- 500. - 100.

500.

My mother's moving in with us.

I don't think she should spend her remaining years

sleeping on our son's old twin bed.

So, for those just arriving, welcome. Everything is for sale.

Including this. This beautiful platter from Taiwan.

- Carol, this is my grandmother's clock. - Oh.

And this is my grandmother.

I'm kidding.

It's a pussy willow.

Do you want a spritzer or Goldfish?

Who is he anyway?

He's a pretty famous director, very edgy.

Is he black?

He's Sicilian, which she says is the black kind of Italian.

I know what it sounds like.

Sounds like you're playing a minstrel character

on public television.

It is not public access.

It's cable.

Mom, I'm worried this director is taking advantage of you.

He's not. You don't understand, it's a wrestling show.

I'm not the only offensive character. Everyone's offensive.

- You have to see it. - When's the next taping?

- Tonight, but... - I'm coming.

You can't! It's parents' weekend.

And I'll be spending it with my parent.

Besides, what kind of son would I be

if I let my mom drive back to LA on no sleep?

I'll drive, you can rest.

- Tickets are sold out. - So, I'll wait.

There's always extra seats. My mom taught me that.

Hey, Ernest.

Hey, Tyler.

- That's Tyler? - I know.

About ten shades lighter than me, too.

How'd she get you confused with him?

Let's go.

I'm so sorry. Let me just take that picture out. Sorry.

Me and my ex.

- Oh! He looks nice. - You think he looks nice?

What about him looks nice?

I don't know. You know, it was... it was just something to say.

Can I tell you something?

When my son Randy was born, he looked just like me.

I mean, it was surreal.

I would late at night look down,

this tiny bald version of myself,

screaming with my nipple in his mouth.

And then sometimes I'd wipe his balls and I'd be like,

"Am I wiping my balls?" You know?

And then, these past few months, Randy's face has been changing

from my face to his.

It's not a nice face.

Mark used to say it looked like two dildos groping each other.

He was funny.

God, I feel so bad for these guys.

They do not know what's gonna happen to them.

'Cause no one does.

We're all just a bunch of dildos banging around,

trying to have a few good moments.

I'm gonna buy the picture frame.

Thirty bucks.

You just sold the dining room table for 20.

I mean, you're all over the place with the prices here.

I don't care about the money. I just want it all gone.

Everyone!

All items five bucks.

Everything must go, end of the day.

Hello.

Are you okay? What's going on?

Oh, shit!

You forgot to pick up your son?

- Yeah. - Well, he's fine.

They called me, and I'm here.

I know you have your taping tonight.

I wanted to make sure you weren't dead.

I'm alive.

All right. See you later.

Fuck.

Fuck!

Mom...

There's a slowdown on the 110 and the 10 East.

The 405 North is moving again.

Traffic on the 405 to get to Los Angeles is at a standstill.

My son's here.

I forgot to pick up my son at daycare today.

One time, I forgot Ernest at the grocery store for three hours.

He made friends with all the cashiers.

And now he goes to one of the best colleges in the country.

They're resilient.

Want some?

You're a goddamned angel.

Good luck. The crowd's great tonight.

There's a little girl in the front row.

She's wearing red, white and blue for Liberty Belle.

It's adorable.

Ladies and gentlemen, the mother of all matches.

Liberty Belle versus the Welfare Queen!

Wave your flags, ladies and gentlemen, 'cause here she comes.

More American than a slice of apple pie baking in the backseat

of Bruce Springsteen's Chevy on the 4th of July.

It's Liberty Belle!

Persecuted by the English,

we can't worship as we want to!

We will persevere, y'all!

Wow! What a portrait of a lady, folks.

She's got it all.

Love you, ref. Hope the family's well.

And now, our defender.

She's the craziest and the laziest.

Entering the ring for the first time in months,

defending her championship crown, it's the Welfare Queen!

Go on, get out of here!

Yeah, it's me! You like my coat?

Thank you for it, 'cause I bought it with your taxes.

Body brought to you by government cheese!

The lady of leisure.

- The coat is off. - Hate me if you want to.

I'm still a champion.

[Bash] The crown is down.

Precious.

Will she retrieve it? Only time will tell.

Wait a second. Hang on.

Is this a wrestling match or a cookout?

Lawn chair and grill,

brought to you by our sponsors at Patio Town.

Glendale location closing soon. Welfare Queen, tell me.

Liberty Belle's been training for weeks. Are you worried?

No! It's gonna be a day at the beach.

Oh, come on!

Get up, you coward! Get up and fight!

Oh, I'm mad!

Look at this chicken!

You're scared to fight me 'cause you know you'll lose.

You haven't wrestled in months.

Can you even move, chicken?

The audience is starting to get into it.

We got cluckers, ladies and gentlemen. Cluck, cluck b'guck.

They're all doing it. We're a family of McNuggets!

We're all chickens together.

Oh! A lawn chair shot to the back. Whoa!

That chair broke like a pile of twigs, sponsored by Patio Town!

Ring the bell.

Well, it looks like Welfare Queen

is not giving up her crown tonight, folks.

Liberty Belle might have to take a rain check.

And we all know that check's gonna bounce.

This is my house!

- My house! - Ref, no!

Oh!

Whoa, Welfare Queen's moves

are dirtier than the nethers of a street cat.

- Wanna give up? - No!

- Ah, you like that? - Wanna quit? Do you wanna quit?

- Do you like that? - Never!

Talk to me. You wanna quit? One, two... Just two.

Two. Let's get off them ropes.

Look at this!

The power of Christ compels you!

Wanna give up? It's about 30 seconds.

One, two...

Come on!

Just two.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, epic battles don't end quickly.

One!

Look at all that pretty hair.

Hey, hey! Get off that hair!

I'm gonna count. One! Two!

- Three, four! - Rip it from the roots!

Wake up, Barbie.

Go to the corner, woman.

I'm about to cash my check.

Cha-ching!

Mama spanks her kid! Ha!

One, two. Just two. Just got two.

I do this for y'all.

You mean everything to me.

Let's finish this, ref, and go home to our families.

Watch that hair. Let go of that hair.

I have a feeling the tides are about to turn.

All right, Tammé, you okay?

Ready? Are you gonna do this or what? Hey.

Are we doing this?

Let's go. Let's go home.

Ugh!

Liberty Belle's got a question for y'all.

How do you spell "freedom?"

Get up!

One, two, three!

And that's it! The Queen has finally fallen.

The winner of the match and the crown,

our one and only Liberty Belle!

Liberty Belle, what a match. How are you feeling?

I'd like to dedicate my victory to all the mothers out there.

Wow!

Even you, Welfare Queen. I know you're a mother, too.

No, y'all, it's true.

She has many, many kids.

But I have hope in my heart.

I believe even the worst among us can be transformed.

That's why I got Welfare Queen an entry level position

at my favorite local fast food restaurant.

Who wants Welfare Queen to get a job?

Get a job! Get a job!

Get a job! Get a job!

Get a job! Get a job!

Get a job! Get a job!

Get a job! Get a job!

Get a job! Get a job!

Get a job! Get a job!

Get a job! Get a job!

Get a job! Get a job! Get a job!

Get a job.

Uh... Our new champ... Liberty Belle!

Give it up, y'all.

Wow!

Shit.

Liberty Belle, why don't you

tell the audience more about your lovable daughter?

As y'all know, I fight every match for my little girl.

Savannah Rose.

Oh, Savannah Rose. How relatable.

Yes, I'm just like y'all.

Long live Welfare Queen!

Whoa! Someone get that jack-o-lantern out of here. Hey!

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm with the show. Can I borrow her?

Sure, okay. It's okay, honey.

Now, yell Mommy at her. Scream.

- Mommy! - Liberty Belle.

I have your daughter!

Savannah Rose!

No one move! I have Shashka,

Russian saber behind my back.

If anyone try follow me,

little girl eat sword!

Zoya, why are you doing this?

We have unfinished business.

You cannot ignore Zoya!

If you want to see sniveling runt alive again,

you have to fight me!

Mommy!

One more time.

Mommy!

Well, this match has taken

a heartbreaking twist, ladies and gentlemen.

Liberty Belle wins the crown, but loses her daughter.

And what's a mother without a child?

Just a person.

No!

My daughter!

Liberty Belle! Liberty Belle!

You're here.

You okay?

Of course. It's all planned out. No one actually gets hurt.

I didn't mean the wrestling.

I'm okay. I just wasn't ready for you to see all that.

It felt...

different with you watching.

So, what'd you think?

What did I think?

Okay.

I thought it was...

offensive.

I mean, you were right, it was offensive.

Definitely, offensive.

I can't believe you did that.

Wrestling.

I mean, you threw a white girl across a ring...

When did you get that strong?

I don't think I've ever seen you exercise.

Ha! Chasing your chubby behind around.

Carrying you here and there. "Mommy, up! Mommy, no walk!"

That's all the exercise I needed.

Did you eat anything before that match?

- I had a muffin. - That's not dinner.

I'm taking you out.

- Oh? - It's still parents' weekend.

We got to do something normal.

Okay, look at you!

Thank you.

I'm kinda scared of you now.

You should be. I'm a former champion.

I made a few changes.

So I call you about the bed, and you sell all the furniture.

Are you crazy? Where's Randy gonna sit? Where's he gonna eat?

Don't worry about Randy.

I worry about Randy all the time.

I think about he's gonna feel having two houses.

I was trying to get my place ready

so it felt more familiar for him.

Jesus Christ, Debbie, you...

You always take everything too far.

It is always about you.

Do you ever think about the person on the other side?

Are you calling me a bad mother?

I didn't say that.

He ate. He crawled around the floor.

We read the book about the moon.

We said good night to everything in the room.

And I'm going home.

Good night, Mark.

Good night.

Hi. I missed you.

I missed you.

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