Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

DOGS: SUBMISSIVE AND OBEDIENT ANIMALS

HOGS: DIRTY AND WICKED ANIMALS

You know what? There's a cool way to pass time.

We can play some game. What do you say? A little bit of night fun.

Alright, I'll go first.

I spy with my little eye...

Now you have to ask me the color of the thing and all that.

Never mind. If you don't feel like playing, forget it.

It's okay. There's no fucking point in playing I Spy in the dark, anyway.

I'm a big fan of games, though. There is a lot of knowledge in games.

For one, I Spy is about our perception, about physical reality.

Everything is a construction of the brain, and we don't actually see what's there...

For instance, if you were a...

I don't know, a bug...

a worm, you'd see the world differently and we wouldn't be able to play.

Parcheesi. You do play Parcheesi, right?

Well, take Parcheesi, for instance. I think it's a...

It's a representation of the failure of socialism. That's right.

Look, for instance...

In Parcheesi, you get three 6s in a row, and what happens?

Well, you have to start over again.

But, if you get eight 1s in a row... Eight times in a row...

What happens then? Nothing. Nothing at all.

Nothing. And why is that? Because wealth is not redistributed.

No, it's poverty that is redistributed. That's socialism, and that's Parcheesi.

You're not into Parcheesi either, I see.

I don't know...

The Game of the Goose? Do you play that?

Brisca?

Tute? Draughts? No?

Alright...

Well...

CHAPTER 1: TAXI

Tell him not to do his usual thing, OK?

Bye, then.

Damn asshole!

Hi, honey.

I know, but I had one meeting after the other,

I've been busy, and couldn't get a signal...

Right, but fuck that. You know how that goes.

Well, no, leave it to me, I have that under control.

OK.

I'm telling you, I'm in a taxi.

We'll talk about it later. Stop brooding over that. I can't now.

What the fuck? I'm telling you I can't now.

Who? Hugo?

But there's nothing wrong with tae kwon do!

No! It would be good for him! It has nothing to do with violence!

Violence is a different thing. It'd be good for him...

Here we go...

No! Tae kwon do would improve his self-confidence, don't you get it?

But...

What do you mean ballroom dance? Sign him up for tae kwon do! Listen to me!

Alright, let me talk to him.

What's up, son?

Sure!

I'll talk to her, don't worry.

I know, I know...

You want a kimono, right?

A white one. Don't worry, I'll buy one for you.

Hugo!

Hugo!

Who? Me? I spoiled him?

Fine...

Here we go again. It won't do him any harm!

I got beaten up pretty bad and I turned out just fine.

Right, I deserved that. You're right...

No, I'm fine. I'm just tired, but I'm fine, I'm calm, don't worry.

Alright then, we'll talk tomorrow, honey. And be good, OK?

Love you.

Alright, bye.

There, to the right. You can stop there.

How much, please?

Here.

Thank you.

Thanks.

A gin and tonic, too?

A gin and tonic?

- Yes. - It's in fashion.

It's watered-down. Do you want another one? It's on me.

I'm fine for now.

Thanks.

Business?

Are you...?

No, no, I am...

I'm an international spy, I'm...

I travel around the world...

by yacht, under stress...

Often by helicopter, you know...

Light airplane too...

I just roll about, you know, jump up and down...

Of course I'm an executive, yeah.

And I had a terrible day.

Tomorrow will be a terrible day too, and the day after tomorrow.

That's what it's like.

That's why I'm having a drink, you know.

Before going to bed.

Are you staying in the hotel too?

No, no. I am...

I live two streets from here.

I was meeting this friend from work, to catch up on things with her.

But I guess she stood me up.

- She didn't show up? - No.

Deep down, I knew she wouldn't come.

But I don't know, I like this bar.

- It's quiet. - Yes, very quiet.

A bit too quiet, maybe.

I'm Alex

Ramon.

- Pleased to meet you. - My pleasure.

What's the date today?

It's the 24th. It will soon be the 25th.

Gin and tonic, you know...

There's all this mystical stuff around it.

A lot of nonsense too. This "bursting the bubble" thing...

You know, when they burst the bubble with this spoon...

The bubble opens and they say...

Well, that it tastes better, I don't know.

That's what they say.

If you read the label on a bottle of gin,

it may contain 12 or 14 ingredients, like cardamom or ginger or...

I don't know!

I have this friend, a very dear friend,

who created the "turnip greens and tonic".

- The what? - The "turnip greens and tonic".

- "Turnip greens and tonic". - He's a joker. He grabs a turnip green,

he performs all that ceremony and then he throws the turnip green in...

Can I ask you something?

About gin and tonic, anything.

Do you have a big one?

What?

What a question!

I don't know...

Average.

- Why do you care? - No, I don't.

I just like to make people feel uncomfortable.

And you're good at it!

- It's so much fun! - Right...

I don't know what to say.

I...

like them big.

Right.

I don't know. They're like...

more appealing,

- easier to handle... - Sure.

- Not too big, though. - Really?

A bit above the average is good.

If they are too big,

- it hurts. - Does it?

Then...

by all accounts,

because I haven't been comparing, but...

by all accounts...

It's so weird to be talking about this, but...

Well, a bit above the average size...

Well-sized, they say.

Can I see it?

Really? Here?

Yes, here. In the middle of the bar.

Listen...

You're wearing this super nice suit.

And that's a silk necktie, isn't it?

- Yes. - A bit tacky.

It was a gift.

Look.

I don't think you should show your dick

- in the middle of a five-star hotel bar. - Exactly.

What do you say...

about us going up to your room...

and taking a look at it?

Just the two of us.

In my room?

Now?

And then...?

- What? - Then...

if you were not lying,

we'll have a good fuck.

But, if you prefer so, we can go up,

check that everything is alright...

- And you'll give me a certificate! - Right! And say bye-bye!

You're something else!

No offense, but, just to make things clear...

You're not a...?

What?

Once we're done, will I have to...?

- No, I mean... - Look, man!

I've had a couple of drinks because I wanted to relax

and I felt like fucking a stranger. What's the problem?

I'm sorry! It's not every day that this happens, you know.

I could be your father. I mean...

No offense.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.

The truth is...

you're right, you could be...

- my father. - Yes, I could.

- So? - Shall we?

- Let's go. - Let me pay for this.

- Will you? - Sure.

Wait.

Hey.

Keep the change. Good evening.

- You...! - What?

Make it two.

Two.

Easy!

Alright, alright.

Monsieur...

No, no tickling, please!

- No tickling, please! I'm so ticklish! - You are?

- You are? - Yes!

No!

No tickling!

Alright, alright...

Pass!

Alright...

What?

CHAPTER 2: DOGS

I keep a chest full of secrets, hidden in the darkness.

And a black leather bag filled with love and friendship.

I keep a hidden treasure nobody can find.

And a velvet bag filled with freedom.

I have a remembrance book from a friend named Soledad,

a basket full of fears and a muse that is real.

I have a wooden box full of things to forget.

I have two wings that I sometimes put on in order to fly.

You should have your hair cut.

Your father had it like that too.

He looked like a dog.

You're gross.

You don't even wash your hair.

Who's going to love you?

You have to get married.

It's just about time you start looking for a woman.

Any will do.

Any woman will do.

Being left alone...

is one of the worst things that can happen to you.

I won't be around for long.

Twenty-four.

The dead

must be buried.

Run!

No!

- Run! - No!

Fucking run!

If you don't eat, you'll get sick.

And there's nobody around here that can treat you.

I don't want to see you get sick.

I'd rather shoot you.

A shot to the head and that's it.

It's better to die while you're still healthy.

I wish someone shot me.

You dogs don't go to hell.

You dogs are not evil.

You're loyal.

Tomorrow, I'll dig a grave for you.

Next to that tree.

It may take a couple of days.

Here, the soil is hard.

That grave...

We'll do that later.

You're not that sick, after all.

You're a good dog, Doc.

You're a good dog.

Eat something, boy.

CHAPTER 3: DHOGS

Yes, I'm coming out the door already.

I'll be right there. See you in a moment.

Roi, I'm going out for a moment, OK? I'll be right back.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull