All language subtitles for When.We.Walk.2019.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-iKA.[eng]

[chalk scraping]

[soft music]

- [Jason] When I was 10
years old, your grandfather--

- How you doing?

- [Jason] Brought a camera home

from the school where he taught.

And he showed me how to use it.

- I wouldn't trade them
for anything in the world.

- [Jason] I filmed your two
uncles, your grandmother,

and sometimes, myself.

- [Ed] I think we're lost.

- Yes, what's going on?

- [Jason] It was
through the camera

your grandfather taught
me how to be an artist.

- [Ed] This maze is killing me.

- [Young Jason] Help!

- [Jason] This film
is a way of passing

these things on to you.

In fact, it's about you and me.

[soft music]

To tell our story,

I have to go back to 2005,

when I was diagnosed with this.

Multiple sclerosis
is when your own body

thinks that your
nerves are the enemy.

It results in the loss
of muscle control,

vision, balance, sensation,

and the whack load
of other problems.

Primary progressive
multiple sclerosis

is the hardest hitting form.

I can sum it up in three words.

Pretty fucking scary.

I really wanted you.

But with MS, I wasn't sure
if I was able to have kids.

That's when I met your mom.

She was smart, beautiful,

and maybe because
her mom had MS--

- Are you ready?

- [Jason] She was understanding
about my condition.

How is it that
you're so magical?

[laughs]

- You're silly.

- She became my
creative partner.

That over there.

It seemed like a
perfect relationship.

We had a commitment
ceremony in the park.

[clapping]

Within a couple of years,

your mom got pregnant with you.

[laughing]

Just before you were born,

we were invited to screen
my last film, When I Walk.

- [Announcer] Ladies
and gentlemen,

Jason DaSilva and Alice Cook.

[clapping]

- [Audience Member]
When is your baby due?

- Baby's due actually
on Valentine's Day.

- [Audience] Aww.

[laughing]
[clapping]

- Hi sweetie, it's okay.

- [Jason] The day you were born

was the best day of our lives.

- It's okay.

Thank you to all of you.

- [Nurse] Oh you're
welcome, you did great.

[baby crying]

- Yeah.

[nurses mumbling]

- [Jason] He's really cute.

- [Alice] What's the name?

- Jason Savior DaSilva.

It's a really cute name.

- [Alice] He really
looked at you a lot.

- [Jason] He was looking a lot.

- [Alice] He likes
staring at you.

[soft music]

- Yay!
- Give him a kiss.

Give him a kiss, yay!

- Look at that, that's a camera.

Pretty cool, huh?
- I'll show you.

- [Jason] What do
you think, guy?

- Just turning on
your chair for you.

[soft music]

- [Boy] Oh yeah.

[laughing]

- [Alice] Just don't
give Daddy any break.

Just stuff it.

[soft music]

- [Jason] I love you so much,

but I'm still nervous about
being a father to you.

Especially with my disability.

So I called my dad for advice.

He was my idol growing up.

Even though my parents split up

when I was a teenager,

my dad stayed close by.

- [Jason] Yeah, I do need
help taking care of you,

but I can still
be a good father.

But there are so many places
I can't share with you.

[beeping]

All around the city,

all around the world.

Accessibility is
a critical issue.

It's why I developed an
accessibility website and app.

Your mom and I work
on it together.

- As you can see,
this place is kind of

amazing for accessibility.

Huge entryway, totally flat.

No lip here whatsoever.

I'm gonna give this
place five stars.

- Everybody understands
what it's like

to lose your freedom and not
being able to go someplace

just because of a step
or a flight or stairs.

This is the first time that
we're able to map Tiblisi.

We're coming up with X Map 2.0,

which will release
a new API function.

- [Member] The next speaker
will be Jason DaSilva, please.

- It was fine until
I became disabled.

We have a wonderful son, Jase,

and I just wonder,

am I gonna be able
to be with him

and go to things like
his baseball game?

I dream of a world where
it's 100% accessible.

Meanwhile, I get
recognition for When I Walk.

- And the winner
goes to When I Walk.

- This award is dedicated to
all people with disabilities

from around the world

that are putting their
stories onscreen.

You're making this
world a better place

and changing media today.

And I started
working on this film.

Yeah, that's good.

[mumbling]

- [Marianne] Oh my God.

[laughing]

- [Jason] I feel
like a lucky guy.

Your grandmother says--

- [Both] You have angels
taking care of you.

- Thank you, Miss Positivity.

I feel like my life
is moving forward.

But so is my MS.

And I now need 24 hour care.

[soft music]

[babbling]

[soft music]

Makes me sad to think about

what I'm gonna be
like as you get older.

It makes me sad that you
wouldn't really know me

as somebody who would get
out and do things with you.

But I mean, in a way,

making this film is the way that

I can show you what I was like

and talk to you
about challenges.

It turns out one of
the biggest challenges

was for me and your mom.

Okay.

50% of couples where one
spouse has a disability

end in separation.

The other person is more
prone to caregiver burnout.

And that's what happened to us.

I thought long and hard
about sharing this with you

and I think that you
should know what happened.

I can't speak for your mom,

so this is just my
side of the story.

I'm not exactly sure when
things started to go wrong.

But it may be when
we decided to move

from Brooklyn to Manhattan.

I'm really glad we're moving.

I'd like to do things outside
of just one neighborhood.

Seriously, what's the
point of being in New York

if I don't get to do that?

- I don't know, that's
why we're moving.

For you.

- [Jason] And I think
it'll be good for Jase.

- He has the park here.

We're not gonna have a park.

And last summer,
we sat in the park.

That's all we did was
play in the grass.

- [Jason] But for the
last couple times,

we tried to go out just
for doctor's appointments.

I had to cancel them
because I couldn't even

drive to doctor appointments.

- That's why we're moving.

- I'm curious if other
places are like this.

- I don't want to live in
New York our whole life.

What if we want to go somewhere?

But then it depends on
the care in that state,

in that country,

and the care in New
York, it turns out,

is pretty good.

So could we match it?

I don't know.

The two of us being basically
confined to New York

as long as we are a couple.

If we can't make it
in New York City,

then you're gonna
be in a nursing home

and we're gonna live in
Oklahoma or something.

I don't know.

- [Jason] We look
at places to live

that might be better suited
for raising children.

We start where we
have relatives.

Florida, Toronto, and Vancouver.

Where we celebrate
your first birthday

with my crazy family.

- Again.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[cheering and clapping]

- Clapping, Mommy
gets to blow the cake.

- One more time.

Here we go.
- Here we go again.

- Ready, set.
- Make a wish.

[cheering and laughing]

- [Jason] The question
that we both have

is where should
we end up living?

- I was just thinking
of that just yesterday.

And I'm thinking down the road,

'cause I'm getting older,

thinking of the future.

- I think we want to.

The trouble is Florida,
the care there.

I think they'd force
him to a nursing home.

- That's probably the care
here is the same way too.

- Yeah, exactly.
- Come.

Sorry, he's gonna, we can
just pass him back and forth.

- [Jason] So right now,
we have the best care

that we would have.

- Exactly, New York
gives the best equation.

- [Marianne] Yeah, response.

- Here, you can stand.

- [Jason] As soon as we
get back to New York,

we move to the East Village,

where we try stuffing our
family and my care aides

into a small one
bedroom apartment.

- When they're not
here, we could.

- No, I can't, it's...

- Yeah but they have a...

The thing, no, that's not true.

[Jace babbling]

Yeah, that's right.

Before long, we were celebrating
your second birthday.

- Come on, big blow.

[clapping and cheering]

[people chatting]

[soft music]

- [Jason] I'm
delighted that you're

getting around more than ever.

But I hate that I can't
always follow you.

- Daddy?

Daddy?

Daddy?

- I think he needs help.

- Yeah.
- You want to go?

- Oh hey there, you.

- He's over there.
- Okay.

- No, I can't.

So here I am at 35,

but I feel like I am much older

and I don't know if it's because

we have a baby right now or

maybe we got married too soon.

Maybe...

I don't know.

We're older.

This is how we were.

But yeah.

Your mother and I
aren't going through

the best of times.

We're going through
difficult situation.

So, we spend a lot of time
arguing to each other and

I can't tell you
the last time that

she slept in the same bed as me.

I don't think that I
signed up for that.

I almost didn't put the
next scene in the film

'cause it deals with sex.

But it's an important
part of life

that you'll understand
when you get older.

It all started when I
called my friend Davey

because your mom and I
weren't sleeping together.

But Jase, take it from me.

You ever have
relationship on the rocks,

don't do this.

- [Davey] Hello?

- [Jason] Hey, Davey.

- [Davey] Hey,
how's it going, man?

What's up?

- Okay, so imagine if
you were in my situation.

Where you're trying
to use your hands,

you can't see properly,
you're in a wheelchair.

I'm just like, I have
no idea what to do.

So I just am sitting,

sitting, waiting for
nothing to happen.

- [Davey] Well,
there are services

for people that are handicapped
to get that stuff done.

And it's legal.

- Oh really?

- Yeah, I didn't
know about that.

- [Davey] There's
also a network within

the handicapped community
that will do it for free.

They come over and
do that for you.

You know what I
mean, if you want,

I'd be happy to get some
information for you.

- Yeah, yeah, that'd be good.

One week later, I
find somebody through

the disability network.

But cheating on your mom
doesn't solve anything.

Instead, it pushed
us further apart.

I mean, I've tried to
set aside some time,

but it hasn't really worked out.

It's like I'm
constantly surrounded by

care aides and that type.

There's no time or break for me.

So I just can't handle it.

- Yeah, yeah.

I don't know, yeah,
I'm frustrated.

- As far as Jason,
I still love him.

I want to be with him.

I like the relationship.

I'm just physically
a mess and tired.

And I can't do the things that
he wants me to do for him.

It's not complicated.

- How can you be physically
more of a mess right now

than what I'm dealing with

on a day to day?

Do you put them up
against each other ever?

- I don't know.

I mean, you don't,

if I were like you,
then we couldn't,

I mean, we really
wouldn't survive.

I'm keeping us afloat.

- I used to go.

I gave Jason so much TLC.

My whole life was dedicated
to caring for you

until Jase was born.

- Yeah.

- Okay, let's help
Daddy real quick, watch.

Watch Mommy help Daddy.

[Jace crying]

Okay, let me pull him
more and you lift.

It's easier.

Jason, I need you
to put your arm...

[Jace crying]

Oh okay, come here.

Come out, okay, I gotcha.

Okay, I give up.

Oh God.

Okay, come on.

- I see your mom getting pulled

in so many different directions,

including working full-time
to take care of us.

But still, I'm not doing
my job taking care of her.

That's pretty good.

- For some reason, he
won't hold his own bottle.

We have yet to figure that out.

I don't quit because
he doesn't let me.

- [Jason] Can you
come and hang out?

I'm disabled but I still
have responsibilities

like everyone else.

- [Alice] Feeding ourselves.

- [Jason] While I do
like the East Village,

our apartment is expensive.

But because of my disability,

I qualify for a rent
subsidized apartment

in Long Island City, Queen's.

- [Realtor] All
the apartments have

a stainless steel refrigerator,

stove, there's a
dishwasher, microwave.

- No.

- It's great.

- [Realtor] You
just need to sign

and then you can
date on top here.

- It's one of the best
buildings in Brooklyn.

- Queens.
- Or Queens.

In both.

[soft music]

So, as soon as the paperwork
goes through, we move.

Even though the new
apartment is much better,

we decided to look at
places outside the city.

The next stop?

Austin, Texas.

- [Jason] Before we get home,

your mom starts
researching jobs in Austin.

[soft music]

- Like this, watch here.

Blow.

[cheering]

- Oh no! [laughs]

Oh, I thought they
were trick candles.

Yay, Jase.

- [Jason] Not long
after your birthday,

your mom accepts
a job in Austin.

[cheers]

I don't want you to leave.

Your mom says she can give
you a better life in Austin.

She might be right,

and I figure I can
always move there later.

So I agreed to you both leaving.

- [Alice] I only
got that many boxes.

- [Jason] But then in no time,

the boxes are packed
and you're ready to go.

- Going to go, I wish.

- Are you gonna go to Austin?

- I'll go all the
way to the track.

- [Alice] You're gonna
go all the way to track?

- To the woods.

- And you're gonna take a plane.

You go up, up, up.

- He's sad.

Now he's sad again.

No, don't be sad.

You're sad again.

- [Woman] It's okay, here.

Don't be sad, Daddy.

- [Jase] Don't be sad.

- [Woman] Don't be sad, Daddy.

[laughs]

[muffled chatting]

[soft music]

- [Woman] No, no, no, no.

[soft music]

Okay.

- Thank you.

[soft music]

- Good morning.

Having trouble with
your legs last night?

- [Jason] Nope.

[cat meows]

[soft music]

- Okay, coming down.

Here we go.

[groans]

[phone ringing]

- Hey Jase, how
are things there?

You can turn it to the side.

There, that's so much better.

Put it the other
way, it's better.

- I can see you more, Jase.

- No.

Do it like that.

- Don't do that.

Put it the other
way, it's better.

[laughs]

- [Jase] Now can you get
some more dirt for me?

- [Alice] Yeah, let's
go get more dirt.

- Wow, this is really fun.

[soft music]

- [Jason] Do people ever
go blind because of MS?

- You can.

I would say it's
definitely the exception.

Usually, you're not blind blind,

which is the good
thing, at least.

Not that, I believe
for a filmmaker,

this degree of
impairment obviously

is a major impact.

But it's, yeah,
that's the nice thing,

is that you're usually
not left totally blind.

- Yeah, okay, cool.

[soft music]

- I'll show you a
little vocal warmup

that we haven't done before.

So can you do a yawn sigh?

Sort of a yawn and
a sigh together.

So it's like this.

[yawning]

And now we'll do the fog horn.

[moaning]

Can we do our sustained ah?

[moaning]

That's enough, yeah, good time.

That's awesome.

[moaning]

That's it, you did great.

- In addition to
problems seeing, talking,

swallowing, and breathing,

I can no longer use my hands.

I am officially quadriplegic.

For years, I've
been tracking myself

on the Expanded
Disability Standard Scale.

I'm now a nine, which means
I can't care for myself

and I'm restricted
to a wheelchair.

Jase, this is hard
to talk about,

but you should know,

there's only two stops
left on the scale.

9.5, which means I can't
communicate or eat,

and 10, which is death.

So right now I'm at
an EDSS score of nine.

So how much time do I have?

Because I do know
that 10 is death.

- No one can say.

Because it's still your body.

Your body, how it take,

fight with all the
other comorbidities

that comes on that time.

Because 9.5, you need
ventilation to breathe.

You need external sources
for nutrition and everything.

So, you're still alive,

but with the machines.

Your whole system are
shutting down gradually.

That I can say.

It's not good to
say, but I'm sorry.

[laughing]

- It's okay.
- Okay.

So, this is sad part to discuss,

but still, this is reality.

- Exactly.
- That's important.

- I mean, it's more important
to me to know these things

than to not know these things.

- Yes.

- Okay, put your head
back down for me.

Is that a comfortable spot

or do you need it back further?

- Another point on the
scale means another change

so I can keep moving around.

- Let's go for a spin.

Just to see you drive.

Head back at the same time.

Let the chair travel straight.

You keep trying to
straighten it, you're fine.

Keep your head in the middle.

You got it.

- Yeah, it's good.

- Stop, stop, stop, ah!

- Look ma, no hands.

Jase, if you ever get in
a difficult situation,

don't be afraid to ask for help.

That's what I have to do.

I need new assistants
to both take care of me

and help me with my work.

I'll just run
through my schedule.

So, I get up and get ready.

I need somebody's help
to change my clothes,

brush my teeth,
putting on my shoes.

I would need help
transferring to my wheelchair.

Get coffee in the morning,
take my medication.

Do things like look at
the computer and type.

So I'll need you to read
back the emails to me

'cause I can't really
see the screen.

And what about using the
urinal or the bathroom?

Do you feel comfortable
about doing those things?

- [Candidate] Sure.

- Do you think that
you could do that?

- [Candidate] Yeah.

- I'm very disabled
and very busy.

I go to film festivals.

I went to the White
House two weeks ago.

Two nights ago, I was just in
the Korean ambassador's house.

So are you okay with
working late though?

Are you wanting
just the day shift

or the night shift?

Do you have any
questions for me?

- [Candidate] Um...

- [Candidate] Um...

- [Candidate] Um...
[doorbell rings]

- Hey, morning, Jason.

- [Jason] So I hired the
best assistants that I can.

- Yeah, see you tomorrow.

- [Assistant] Hey, Jason.

- [Assistant] Bye, Jason.

- Hey, Jessica.
- Hey.

- Hey, George.
- Hey, Jason.

- Bye.
- Bye.

[phone ringing]

How was school today?

[babbling]

Was it fun?

[babbling]

Was it really fun?

[babbling]

You're being really silly.

Say something in English.

Say some words.

[babbling]

Say some real words.

Okay bye, Alice.

- [Alice] What?

- He's not talking.

- [Alice] Jase ate
so much food today.

- That's good, Jase,
you're getting big.

I honestly can't keep
doing all this by myself.

Really, really hard.

I didn't do anything
wrong for you guys to go.

- [Jase] Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

- I'm sorry, I disagree but--

- Yeah I know--

- Fully, but I'm gonna--
- Why do you disagree?

- I can earn a
higher, much better,

I can give Jase a
much better life here.

I'm 20 times better here.

- So is that reason enough
to move away from his father?

You think that's reason enough

to take him away
from his father?

- I can't make it in New York.

Yeah, it is.
- You can make it fine

in New York but whatever.

Maybe you win.
- I just can't do that.

- That's not true.
- I couldn't make it

in New York.

So I'm gonna take them,

I gotta get him some dinner.

And we can talk to
you after if you want.

- Okay.

- Okay, all right, bye.

So this is us on a typical day.

This is Jason's editing.

- I'm still confused as
to why your mom left.

So I end up looking for answers

in an unexpected place.

My last film.

- Don't want Jason
getting any worse.

And it just keeps coming.

It's like I take
his hands a lot.

How fast he talks and
how loud he talks.

- Do you ever wish that you were

with somebody able-bodied?

- Yeah, but I wish, I
wish you were able-bodied.

That's who I wish I was with.

- [Jason] What happens
when I can't eat my food?

Will you be the
person that feeds me?

Will we come to a restaurant

and then you feed
me the food and then

eat your own food too?

In front of everybody
else to watch?

- I don't know, I don't know.

- Why are you going on a trip?

- Going on a trip to
get away from you.

I'm on the verge of insanity.

I have to leave
for my own mental--

- Yeah, I know.
- State.

- Yeah.

- I've been taking care of
you for two years straight

and I--
- Yeah, take a break.

- The shittiest part
of this whole thing

is that we're trapped.

- I was too caught up
with making the film

and dealing with my own MS.

I just saw her love for me,

not her concern about the
burden she was taking on.

I talked to my friend Alberto

to get his thoughts.

So you and I have known each
other for a long time, so--

- Almost 10 years or something.

- Yeah, that's right.

So I know that your partner left

something similar to
what happened to me.

How did you deal with that?

- If you want me to
be honest to you,

and not taking sides or just
being more logic and fair,

I don't blame them
for wanting to leave.

I mean, imagine
waking up to someone

covered in piss,
stiff, next to you.

It must be hard.

And if I could run away
from myself, I would.

I felt like if I
was not disabled,

things could've worked.

Just have this fire inside of me

that just wants
to get up and run

and take life by the
horns like I used to do.

- I feel exactly the same way.

And that's why I'm
trying to do what I do.

That's why I keep
on doing what I do.

- That's why I'm
right here with you,

because to me, you're
an example for me

as a disabled person,

and for a lot of
walking people that

they have all the tools

and they don't do much.

- Problem is there's my kid

in the middle of it all.

So, I want to be
close to my kid.

- [Alberto] As you should be.

And you're just
being a good dad,

a normal person, a normal dad,

by trying to be
close to your son

and give him all the knowledge

and love that you can.

- [Jason] Yep.

I see similarities between
what you're going through

and what I went through
when my parents split up.

I asked my mom about how
their marriage ended.

- All right.

- [Jason] Your
grandmother doesn't want

to talk about her kids
being hurt by the divorce.

I understand.

I don't want you to be hurt

by your mom and me splitting up.

[soft music]

I miss you so much.

I go to Austin to visit you.

On the way there, I stop
in Utah to see my dad.

- I'm ready for the lesson.

Okay, go for it.

Right or left.

- [Jason] Yeah, good.

When you were growing up,

you always wanted to
be kind of creative

and do stuff with film.

And you have another
side to this.

It's the music side of it.

So you did some when
you were probably

in your late teens and stuff.

You had a band going strong.

You did a little Canadian tour.

- But your dad used to play

a really good classical piano.

- Oh yeah, Jase should
keep the ball rolling

by keeping on that
musical family line,

so to speak, from my dad
through me through you.

And I can bring him over,

I'll go wherever he is
and show him the ropes.

- Thanks a lot.

That's very helpful.

- That's what
fathers are for, yes.

Teaching you how to play piano.

- I didn't realize it but

you went through a
lot of the same things

I went through.

- Very true.

It's just getting used
to an empty house.

Coming back to an empty house.

But after some
time, things heal.

Because you guys
are still around,

so I could see you
from time to time.

Your situation,
that's more traumatic.

- It's a matter of getting
used to it in time, I guess.

I decide then and there

not to let time and distance
be an obstacle for us.

- [Flight Attendant]
Up, need up.

- Here we go.

[upbeat mellow music]

- Do you need help?
- No!

- Jase and I, we got a
really cool train yesterday.

And it's the same color as,

it's his favorite
color, is blue.

Do you want to show
them the train?

Show the camera the train.

Yeah!

It's so cool.

Where we're going now.

Now when we're
together in Austin,

it's just you and me.

And my care aides.

And your babysitters.

We're gonna go there.

Do you want to go see a monkey?

I need to be in Texas with you.

I just have to
make sure my carer

will be comfortable navigating.

[phone ringing]

- [Andrew] It's Andrew,
how can I help you today?

- Hi, I'm calling if you
know details about home care.

- Yeah, that's right.

- I'm just wondering
if there's a way

to stay at home rather
than be admitted.

Would I have to be in one
of these nursing homes then?

- And then you're
still only able to get

between 40 and 50 hours a week.

- As part of my research,

I interview people
with disabilities

and their supporters in Texas.

So I found out that
Texas is one of the

worst places to come to
be a person on Medicaid.

So I guess the question
is, is that the case?

- Oh yeah, it's
absolutely the case.

In fact, the rankings
you've seen are correct.

Texas, its most
recent one ranks 50th

in community services
for people with

intellectual and
developmental disabilities.

So, that includes the
district of Columbia,

so there's 51 on the list.

So there's, somebody's
below us but

we're right down there at the
very bottom of the barrel.

- [Jason] So, do
you have an answer

as to what I can do to
be closer to my son?

- I've thought about this

as long as you and
I have been talking.

We've done phone calls
and emails and stuff.

And it's almost like
you'd have to reconfigure

your life entirely, Jason.

And by that, you would maybe
have to find a partner,

a life partner, who
would be willing

to move to Texas with you

and fill in the gaps
that you would lose.

That you'd lose in
Medicaid coverage.

Because I just can't see
that you could come here,

be close to your son,

and find yourself in a position

that the only way you
can get the care you need

is to go into a nursing home.

And you'd find yourself, again,

isolated from the child
you want to be close to.

This is just insane.

- So, what do you think I
should know in my situation?

I want to be closer to my son,

but I can't move here without

going into a nursing home

or getting the minimum
amount of hours.

- We tell our New York
brothers and sisters,

it's a different world.

It really is.

It's the nature of
the Medicaid program.

It's always been a
state federal share.

Different than Medicare.

Medicaid dollars
are only drawn down

by how much money
the state puts up.

There's no income tax in Texas.

So, it makes our whole
revenue base much lower

than other states.

- [Jason] So how do
people with disabilities

even survive here in Texas?

- I have a dramatic brain injury

caused by a motor
vehicle accident.

- Most people don't know
anything about disabled people

until they have a loved
one that becomes disabled

or they're disabled themselves.

That's the wrong
time to find out

that we're on the
short end of the stick.

It doesn't make any
sense to have one state

that has one set of rules,

that people would
have to actually

move to a state or
move somewhere else

other than their home

to get certain benefits.

- [Jason] Maybe I could
live in a neighboring state.

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

- [Machine] One moment
while we transfer you

to a customer service
representative.

- Oh.

I zeroed in on the healthcare

across the different
states in the US.

I look at every
state in the country

to see how well they support
people with disabilities.

Topping the charts,

Arizona, Vermont, Michigan,

New Hampshire, and
the lovely Hawaii.

And down at the bottom,

we find Illinois, Arkansas,

Mississippi, Montana,

and Texas.

Of the 50 states
plus Washington DC,

New York is number
one for supporting

people with disabilities,

while Texas clocks in at 50.

[thunder rumbles]

These basic support services
for people with disabilities

are a human right.

[muffled chatting]

The only way to live in Texas

is to live in a nursing home.

- Okay, one, two, three.

- [Jason] So, I give it a try.

[soft music]

[knocking]

- [Nurse] Good morning.

- Could you push it up?

- Up in the front?
- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's--

- [Nurse] Is that good?

Can you see it?

Oh, here. [laughs]
- I can't see it.

Can you put a
washcloth on my face?

- [Nurse] Just a warm
washcloth sitting on there?

Okay, yeah, let me
get a clean one.

I don't know if that's--

- No, I mean, if you
could just get the--

- [Nurse] Oh, just
want it over your eyes.

Okay, sorry.

I thought you meant to open
your pores or something.

[laughs] Sorry.

You're on thin liquids?

- Nope.

- [Nurse] Does he
need thickened liquids

or is he on thin liquids?

- What do you mean?

- [Nurse] I just
want to make sure

'cause I don't wanna choke you.

- Regular liquids is fine.
- Regular, okay.

One more drink?

- No.
- Okay.

[soft music]

- [Jason] So his name is Jase.

- Jase?
- Jase.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's four years old.

The old people here
are older than me.

They're all older people.

But they're really nice.

- Let's go.
- Yeah, let's go.

- Let's go.
- Yeah, let's go.

- Hey, let's go.

- Okay, let's go.

Say bye, Jase.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- It turns out that
50 to 60% of people

die within the first year
of living in a nursing home.

Jase, I want to say to you

that I want to be
here with you but

I would die a slow death

or die a pretty quick death.

So, sorry, but I'm not
gonna be able to do this.

So, see you later.

When I get back to New York,

I asked my mom what she
thinks about the nursing home.

- [Marianne] Do you want
to live in Austin, Texas?

- I would live in Austin, Texas

if it was okay to live there.

- So is there a
guarantee that you have

your own place to
live with caregivers?

Is that a guarantee right now?

Now, next month, is
there a guarantee?

- I don't have a choice.
- This is your choice.

You have a choice.

You have a choice to
live independently here

or you have a choice-
- Or to be by my son?

- Or to be institutionalized.

- The choice is

to be by my son.
- Your son might not

be able to visit you that often,

and you think 'cause you're--

- What if I was in there--

- He has the,

well who's gonna bring him there

to visit you every day?

Who's gonna bring him there
to visit you every day?

It doesn't happen in reality.

It doesn't happen.

So then you know what,
you have to make a choice.

Either be in an institution
in some other state

or be here where you
can live independently

in your own place.

And do what you love to do.

I mean, documentaries.

And I think that's
what you should aim for

because life is short
and then we die anyway.

- [Jason] There's
one more option.

You and your mom could
move back to New York.

I make a hard decision.

I go to Queen's
County Family Court.

I asked that you and your
mom return to New York

as soon as possible.

I'm so certain that
the family court

will understand how
important it is for a father

to be with his son

that it will quickly order
you and your mom to return.

I'm assigned a court
appointed lawyer

and the court makes
its first decision.

That I get daily
Skype calls with you.

- Mom, no.

- [Alice] Okay, that's fine.

- Why'd you do that?
- No.

- [Jason] Jase,
why'd you do that?

What's that, what's that?

[yells]

- I don't want to talk to Dad.

- [Jason] But I
want to talk to you.

- [Jason] The apartment
10E is really nice.

The outside is really nice

and the Empire State
Building is outside.

- [Jase] You're a bad daddy.

- I'm a good daddy and
you're my best friend.

Jase, what are you making?

What's that?

What's that, oh jeez.

[mumbling]
- [Alice] Yes, Jason.

My relationship with you

is much better in person.

So I start traveling to
Texas as much as I can.

- [Man] Do you want to go
down and ride the bear?

- [Jason] Let's not
ride the bear, Jase.

- No.

- No, I don't think
that's a good idea.

- Daddy said no.

[soft music]

And then the guy goes ah!

- Ah!

[soft music]

[blowing]
Blow it, blow it.

[cheering]

- [Alice] Good job.

- [Jason] It's the big four.

- [Alice] Nice one.

- [Jason] Jase is the big four.

- There you go.
- Good job.

- Look at all this smoke.

- [Jason] Happy
birthday to Jase.

Look at that, Jase.

It's your very first
remote control helicopter.

- I want to open it.

[blades whirring]

- [Jason] Jase, you're
really good at it.

- I wanted it to turn.

Yes!

[machine whirring]

[squealing]

[sirens blaring]

- [Paramedic] Gonna check
your blood sugar, okay?

Is that okay, Jason?

- [Jason] I didn't know
how much the stress

and travel were affecting me.

Until I had my
first ever seizure

while I'm still in Texas.

[sirens blaring]

I want to see you,

but I don't want to
get any more seizures.

So I stop traveling.

Meanwhile, I go to
court periodically,

but nothing else happens.

The legal case is stressful
and time consuming.

But going to court
felt like the only way

I can make sure that I see
you as much as possible.

Meanwhile, with your
mom no longer here,

it's important to have a
relationship in my life.

Can you say something
about looking for

that special someone or
looking for love or anything?

- [Assistant] So it should
be in your self summary.

We'll make this enjoying
life, creating films,

and trying to make the
world a better place.

- Just say, looking
for something real.

- [Assistant] Looking
for something real.

Do you not say anything
about having MS?

- No, no.

We decided not to say
anything about that on here.

- [Assistant] Isn't
that catfishing?

- Actually, that's
a really good point.

On another one, no,
it's not catfishing.

- [Assistant] Are you
sure, it's the same thing.

- No, it's not.

What is catfishing?

- [Assistant] Where
you meet someone

and it's not what they
portrayal in mind.

- Is that all catfishing is?

- [Assistant] Yeah.

If you put up a photo
of you from 2002.

So, these are your photos?

- Yeah.
- Okay, then you're fine.

You're not catfishing.

- So okay, let's go to a
different website then.

So go to Bumble,
that's the other one.

To use, this
website's interesting

because the girls
make the first choice

of whether they want to meet
up or really talk to you.

So you can choose
whoever you want but

they are the ones that
actually end up choosing.

See, I'm totally doing
this by looks right now.

That's a yes.

Yes.

- [Assistant] So wait, I
thought you had blurred vision.

How are you all of a
sudden able to have such

good vision to pick
girls' attractiveness?

- 'Cause you hold
something close up to me.

This is close enough to see.

See how my life has changed?

I had to go online.

Swiping left or right
on dating profiles.

No.

No.

It's funny what I have to
do to entertain myself.

To not go crazy.

No.

Yes.

As much as I tried to work
up enthusiasm for dating,

my heart is with the four
year old living in Texas.

- Hi, Daddy.

- [Jason] Hi, my friend.

You're my best friend.

Hi, best friend.

I'm watching you grow up

in the four corners
of a computer screen.

[soft music]

The court process is
a race against time.

I'm here for a custody hearing.

And hopefully I'll be
able to get something

out of today because
I didn't realize

how slow the court process is.

- [Bailor] You swear to
tell the whole truth,

no matter, before this court?

- [Alice] Yes.

- [Bailor] Your name?

- [Alice] Alice Cook.

- [Bailor] You swear to
tell the whole truth?

- [Jason] Yep.

- [Bailor] Your name, sir?

- Jason DaSilva.
- Thank you.

- [Jason] Then the judge ruled

that you will visit
me in New York

one weekend each month.

At last, I can see more of you.

- Now let's see the other one.

The other one.
- Just be careful.

- [Jase] There's more than one.

[soft music]

- Let Grandpa play.

[soft music]

- I just bang on--
- And Mr. Piggy's

going to watch you.

[keys clinking]

Okay, now play
with your fingers.

That's your palms, now these.

There you go.

- [Jason] Yeah,
that's how, Jase.

- That wasn't it, I was
just pressing the same ones.

[keys clinking]

[soft music]

- [Ed] You've got it.

[soft music]

- I know what I'm
gonna do next time.

- This is the first time

that I'm gonna be spending
the night with you

in three years.

It's gonna be really exciting

and we're gonna spend a
whole weekend together.

- If you need me, you just
tap me on the shoulder, okay?

- [Jason] My brother Daniel
helps me take care of you.

- There's a distress
call to PURST,

P-U-R-S-T, Pets of the Universe

Ready for Space
Travel Command Center.

Ruff, woof.

Look at all the animals here.

- [Jason] Jase, what
animals are there?

- Cats.

- And, yeah just
cats, you're right.

- It's all cats?
- That's a dog though.

- [Jason] It's the
best night I've had

in a long, long time.

On our next court date,

the judge proposes we
settle up the case.

Three hours later,
it was all over.

You will live in Texas,

but will come to see me
more than twice as much.

I'm sad that you
won't be moving back,

but of course, I'm
glad that I'll be able

to see more of you.

[soft music]

I decide to risk traveling

because I can't miss
your fifth birthday.

[blowing]

[cheering and clapping]

- Good job, little buddy.
- That's a great job.

Jase is so big.
- Look at this big cake.

- Five years old.
- Wait, what is all that?

What is all that?
- That's your candy too.

Here you go, buddy.

- Yay.
- Wow.

- Is it good?
- Yes.

- Yeah!

Your grandfather comes
to Austin to visit

and we talk more
about our marriages.

Maybe it's me.

- Looking back, how could
you have made things

different in trying to save
your marriage with Alice?

And hopefully making
it better for Jase.

- I've thought about that.

Many times.

So I think just being a better,

more supportive
person with Alice,

and then also being more open.

It's tough to go backwards
and think about it.

Do you ever do that?

Do you ever think backwards?

- Of course, I think
I've done no wrong.

[laughs]

- Do you wish that you
did anything different?

Like how it affected us?

Would you have done
anything differently?

- Yes and no.

We've been through some
kind of counseling.

Didn't work.

But I think Mom had
made up her mind.

She's had enough and

took it one step further
and just walked away.

- Through this film I worked on,

at least pass on to
Jase to show that

cycles don't need
to be passed on.

And maybe he can
break the cycle.

I know my dad's comment
that my mom just left

is at best an
oversimplification.

Maybe I'll never
know what happened

with my parents' marriage.

[soft music]

Every day, I think back to when

we were all together.

I have to make peace
with things falling apart

and with my own responsibility
for letting it happen.

I do hope you break the
cycle of separation,

but even if you
can't, don't worry.

We make mistakes.

We're imperfect.

But we do the best we can.

I think about you.

I think about me.

I think about our family.

[soft music]

As you grow up, at some point,

I may not be able to
see you or talk to you.

I may not live to
see you as an adult.

I wonder what you will become.

[soft music]

When I was a little boy,

I was a really fast runner.
- I'm the fast one.

- So you are five years old now

and I want you to know that

I am still gonna be
there all the time.

So I'll be there
whenever you need me,

even if I'm in New York

or in Texas.

'Cause all I do is think about

how much I love you.

I'll always be there,
no matter what.

'Cause I'm your dad.

And you're my boy.

And that's what I
wanted to say to you.

Okay, let's go.
- Get the camera closer.

- So, Jase is gonna
be the director.

He said, what do you
want him to do, Jase?

- Get closer, get closer.

Closer, closer, even closer.

There you go.

- So on the count of three.

One, two, three.

We're done and cut.
- We're done and cut.

[mellow rock music]

♪ This strange ♪

♪ Plan is random at best ♪

♪ This strange ♪

♪ How much more can I take ♪

♪ This strange ♪

♪ Change in atmosphere ♪

♪ And in gravity too ♪

♪ And it's severity ♪

♪ This strange ♪

♪ Day is almost over ♪

♪ Just started to ♪

♪ Get sick of it ♪

♪ And it's strange ♪

♪ But oh well ♪

[mellow rock music]