Original subtitles

(Iron Man) Squaddies, feast your eyes on my latest invention.

It’s a box, Iron Man. It’s a box.

Ahh, but inside the box...

(vocalizes) A mousetrap.

That is supposed to be a mousetrap?

Not just any mousetrap.

It’s a Stark 1000 time-traveling mousetrap.

It can go back in time and catch the mouse

before it eats the cheese.

I’m going tap into the mousetrap’s time circuits

and take myself back to just before

the Silver Surfer stole the Infinity Gauntlet from Thanos.

If he doesn’t get the Gauntlet, he never becomes the Dark Surfer,

and the universe is saved.

Exactly. And all I have to do is mess time itself.

What’s the worst that could happen?

(beeps)

Calibrating and locking onto the Silver Surfer.

I mean, Dark Surfer.

Ha!

The Time Stone is sensing trouble.

And button, button, there.

I’m opening a time portal into the past.

No, you are not.

I the Dark Surfer will not allow you to modify my past.

Not when I have the Time Stone.

(grunts)

(laughs)

(strains)

You can’t beat me,

although I love to watch you try.

It’s the only reason that Earth isn’t a dark smear

on the underside of Jupiter yet.

(snickers)

Whoa. That is one big, ugly, ominous bubble, bub.

With this Infinity Gauntlet,

I, Thanos, will rule the universe.

All right Squaddies, time to Hero up.

♪ When the bad guys are out, all you have to do is shout now ♪

♪ Who’s gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Well, they may not get along, but they’re always fighting strong now ♪

♪ Who’s gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Who’ll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They’ll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Wolverine and Hulk are fierce, Thanos ends up in tears ♪

♪ When Iron Man joins the fight ♪

♪ Falcon darts in from the sky, Scarlet Witch by his side ♪

♪ Thor’s hammer has thunder’s might ♪

♪ Who’ll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They’ll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad ♪

(groans)

Uh, oh. That energy bubble’s unstable.

If it gets much bigger before it pops,

it’ll take out the entire Helicarrier.

Then we’ve gotta pop it now, before it gets too big.

(strains)

(grunts)

The mighty Son of Odin will not be bested by a bubble.

Not today. Not again.

(strains)

Ha! Ya-hah!

(Falcon) Right there. Again.

(all cry out)

(gasps)

(beeps)

-Is everybody OK? -Yay!

(beeps)

We have a tiny problem.

(gasps)

(both gasp)

Has anybody seen my juice box?

(burps) No.

Uh, OK.

I know not how to explain what I’m seeing,

so I’m just going to shut my mouth and look surprised.

(children chattering)

Can I play now?

I’m not it. You’re it.

Nuh-uh. You’re it.

Your name is "it". You’re the Scarlet It.

(blows raspberry)

Oh, great.

Little, tiny, even more annoying pooper-heroes.

(beeps)

(alarms sound)

No, children, let’s not do that.

It’s all fun and games until someone activates the self-destruct.

Don’t make me hurl the time out hammer.

(alarm stops)

Analysis: Energy transformation.

(beeps) Process: Unknown.

These children really are Falcon, Iron Man,

and (beeps) Scarlet Witch. But cuter.

We’ve got to find a way to change these cutie-pies back into Squaddie-pies.

But someone’s gotta stay here and watch them. 1, 2, 3... Not it.

-Not it. -Not it.

Not... (growls)

So I’m stuck on babysitting duty.

What’s to be afraid of?

I’ve single-handedly fought Magneto,

Sabretooth, Fin Fang Foom...

(gasps)

(laughs)

Oh, yeah. This is much worse.

(laughs)

Look, claw. Look.

Squaddies tiny. Itty-bitty-mini super heroes.

Cute and funny.

Well then, Hulky poo,

maybe you can help me watch them.

(children laugh)

(Hulk laughs)

(laughs)

Or maybe not.

(beeps) Tiny Squaddies show trace energy

from another dimension.

A dimension called "Limbo".

(gasps) Limbo.

The forbidden dance of bending over backward.

(beeps) No. Limbo. The beginning and the end.

A dimension where all timelines intersect.

(beeps)

Oh, oh. Limbo.

Oh. Right. I knew that.

It’s the only lead we’ve got.

How do we get to Limbo?

Going to need a time machine.

(Hulk laughs)

(grunts)

(engine stalls)

Ahh.

Why car stop?

The Helicarrier is not your playground.

Do not do anything without asking me first.

Do you understand me?

(all whimper)

Oh, wait no. No, no, no. Wait. Don’t do that.

-(all cry) -(laughs)

Kids funny.

(sighs)

(sniffs)

And I think Iron Brat is rusting in his pants.

We need that time machine fast. And more baby wipes.

-Aww. -So speaketh Thor.

(beeps) Only one person on Earth

has a working time machine.

Doctor Doom.

(groans)

The piano won’t look good there.

Move it over by the credenza.

(beeps)

Ahh. The silent alarm.

I didn’t hear anything.

(Ms. Marvel) There it is... the time machine.

(beeps)

Coordinates set. Next stop, Limbo.

(gasps)

The Super Hero Squad

swiping my time machine?

Swiping? Nay, borrowing.

Commandeering. We left a quarter on the dresser.

You jerks!

But if the coordinates of the last jump are correct,

then someone has finally discovered Limbo,

and if so, that someone left me the coordinates.

(Dr. Doom laughs)

(Wolverine strains)

I need more claws.

(cries out)

Ow. Ow. Aww.

(growls)

Why is it never the kids that step on the toys,

only the grown-ups?

Ooh!

(both chattering)

-That action figure’s mine. -Nu-uh.

(strains)

You could never love it the way that I love it.

(growls)

Stop it, both of you,

or I’ll snikt it in half.

(both) He started it!

You’re a hero... well, half a hero anyway.

You can’t fight over toys.

(mocks) You’re a hero. You can’t fight over toys.

And you. You may be a kid, but you’re still a Squaddie.

I expect you to act like one.

Whew. You stink.

No, you stink!

You stink a lot.

You stink worser.

You stink so much, you’re stinky!

You stink infinity infinity.

Right, stop it with the stinking. Stop it,

or so help me, I will put you in time-out for a million years.

You got me, baby bubs?

(both) You stink.

(growls)

(Hulk hums)

(giggles)

(gasps)

(giggles)

Little pointy good at hide and seek. Again!

This time, Hulk hide in here.

No, Hulk. Don’t open that door.

That’s our ’magination closet.

’Magination closet?

If you open it,

the scary monsters might get out.

Ha! Hulk not afraid of no monsters.

Ooh!

(screams)

Circus bad!

Uh, Hulk and little pointy play something else.

I’m picking up an energy signal.

(beeps) Let’s start our search there.

Ho! Something moves in the fog.

A local.

-(beeps) -Maybe it’s friendly?

(yells)

Maybe not. It’s a Space Phantom.

-(strains) -(grunts)

Ow.

Huh. Tiki pole.

Huh. There had better be more Space Phantoms,

lest our mission be too easy.

Do you think they heard you?

Space Phantoms, attack!

(cries out)

(beeps) Excuse me.

Smack-o.

Uh-oh. Yikes. I am to be scorched.

(chatters)

(groans)

Why do you attack us, stranger of a strange land?

Speak!

You are the invaders.

We are only defending our world.

I see what you mean.

We come in peace, odd creature.

I’ll prove it.

Lay down thine arms, mine allies.

There, you see. Our weapons are down,

except for Ms. Marvel’s hands and Herbie’s robotic appendages,

which don’t come off.

Now, then... our friends hath been transformed into children.

We seek a way to make them adults again.

Oh, that. You want the Time Tower.

It may have the power to age up your friends.

(beeps) Show us the way?

Hand over Nick Fury!

The action figure stays here.

(shouts)

(rumbling sounds)

Break it up.

Now!

(cries out)

No!

(all cry)

Stop crying.

Please, stop crying.

I order you to stop crying!

(all sob)

I will punish you if you don’t all stop crying!

(crying continues)

I asked. I begged.

I ordered. I threatened.

I got nothing.

Oh!

Something is wrong. The Time Tower is undefended.

Where are the guards?

The guards? I dismissed them.

Doctor Doom.

I love it when they say my name.

It’s much better than...

What? you? No!

"What-you-no?"

All hack TV shows have characters who shout,

"What?" or "You?" or "No!" When something bad gets revealed. But I digress.

I’ve taken control of the Time Tower.

Now, its power belongs to Doom.

-What? -You?

No!

(growls)

(all gasp)

That’s right. Now I control the Time Tower and all of time!

All. The. Time!

The Time Tower belongs to the Space Phantoms.

And we’re taking it back.

Well then, let’s slow things down.

-(laughs) -(grunts)

-(shrieks) -(grunts)

-(deep voice) What? No. -(laughs)

Poke. Poke. Poke.

Look, I can poke him and he doesn’t poke back.

How ’bout a little mental blast, you little food processor.

(strains)

(grunts)

Fools. I can slow time down, or I can speed it up.

(laughs)

(both grunt)

(strains)

(crash)

(laughs)

(groans)

(both grunt)

What’s happening?

Oh, mine aching back.

Why do I have this overwhelming urge to eat dinner at 4 PM?

If I knew, I don’t remember.

(strains)

This is not going to end well.

(grunts)

(children cry)

Are you hungry?

(cries)

-Are you tired? -(bawls)

Is there a diaper issue I should be aware of?

(sobs)

Come on guys, tell me what’s wrong.

Use your words.

(growls)

(sobs)

(Hulk hums)

(groans)

So how is it that you are so much better at this than me?

Babies like grown-ups. Only smaller...

and dumber.

I get it. They’re toddlers.

So I have to treat them like, well, toddlers.

Thanks, big guy!

What Hulk do?

(cries)

Easy, kids.

Hey, have a fresh sippy cup.

Holy high school reunion,

isn’t it the best feeling when you see someone

you used to go out with,

and you see how awful they look now?

Not that I’m thinking of anyone in particular.

My, Grandma, what big crow’s feet you have.

Your patootie is mine, scuzzbucket.

(grunts)

Ow.

Aha! Limbo stick.

I knew there was a connection.

(strains)

A moment, villain. I just have to...

(strains)

(grunts)

(chuckles)

I’m in the Time Tower system.

(beeps) Need to fix the young Squaddies,

(beeps)

(Doctor Doom laughs)

Fix the old Squaddies.

Fix Doom.

Maybe I can fix it all at once?

(grunts)

After careful consideration,

I have decided to destroy you.

Any last words?

Music is too loud.

Cartoons were better back in my day.

Ha! Now that’s comedy.

(beeps)

(hums)

Sayonara , seniors.

(gasps)

(hums)

(beeps)

A time portal?

(laughs)

The Super Hero Squad turned into childrens.

(laughs) Look how adorable they are.

(blows raspberry)

OK, Squaddies, let’s baby up.

-(children chatter) -What is the meaning of this?

(grunts)

(laughs)

I’m glad I brought my camera.

I got a good picture to put on face space.

(Wolverine) Picture this you scaly galoot.

Hulk smash!

Toodles.

(grunts)

-(strains) -I say thee,

respect thy elders, punk.

(strains)

(shrieks)

(cries)

Zap. Zap.

Zap. Zap. Zap.

(cries out)

Ow! Hey, that hurts.

Sonny, never, and I mean never,

point out a woman’s crow’s feet.

(cries out)

That crazy kitten still digs me.

(purrs)

(strains)

I demand that you release me at once! At once!

(gags)

I’ve repaired the Time Tower.

(beeps) Everyone hold on.

(hums)

Yeah.

-Huzzah! -(giggles)

(beeps)

Fixed the Squaddies, fixed yon Time Tower,

and stopped foul Doom.

Plus I got my parking validated.

Now to head home.

Not so fast!

I’m still the ruler of time!

No one goes anywhere until I say so!

(beeps)

(hums)

(groans)

Oh, this is unacceptable.

I cannot look. like this!

I am Doctor Doom! Doom! Doom!

Doom cannot be this adorable!

The portal’s closing.

But I can’t be a kid. I hate kids!

(cries)

Modok! Abomination!

I want my Doom Bear!

(Ms. Marvel) This is gonna sound crazy, but I feel really great.

Aye, ’tis good to be young again.

We wanted to thank you for taking such good care of us.

(Scarlet Witch) Yeah. Who knew you were such a good baby sitter?

I know, right? And despite everything

I know about you as adults, you were good kids.

That reminds me, I got you something.

Nice. Wolverine action figures.

Just promise me you won’t fight over them.

Hey! Yours has black claws.

So? Yours has the collectable silver claws.

Hey, mine doesn’t have a lenticular shield.

I want one with a shield.

-Hey, hands off! -Oh, boy. Here we go again.

Grown-ups like babies, only bigger and dumber.

I need a sippy cup and a nappy poo.

(theme music playing)