Original subtitles

(Iron Man) While searching for the diabolical and dangerous Dark Surfer,

the Squaddies and I were unexpectedly visited

by a strange being from beyond our known universe.

No, not the Mayor, but someone just as bizarre and unpredictably silly,

who was about to make life for the Super Hero Squad virtually impossible.

(laughs)

(grunts)

Me, me, me! Can I have next turn to help?

I've even got my own hammer.

-(Impossible Man laughs) -(gasps)

By Odin's soul patch!

Someone hath replaced all our hammers with chickens!

And a couple of eggs. But mostly chickens!

(Impossible Man laughs)

(hums)

(Impossible Man) We've secretly replaced the fine coffee

they usually serve with radioactive jumping beans.

Now, let's see if anybody can tell the difference.

(laughs)

(beeps)

(gasps)

(beeps)

(Impossible Man laughs)

Iron Man, we have a situation!

The coffee? Yeah, I know, I know.

(alarm sounds)

(powering up)

(all) Oh, no!

Just kidding!

(laughs)

There is definitely something weird going on around here.

(beeps)

We've got company.

Somebody snuck aboard the helicarrier.

(Impossible Man laughs)

(Iron Man) Unidentified intruder, 25 meters that way and closing.

20 meters.

(woman shrieks)

(bell rings)

This can't be happening.

Ten meters. Five meters!

Wow. Five meters, you say?

Uh, how many hammer lengths be that?

Hold on. The intruder's not in front of us.

He's in the ventilation system!

-(alarms sound) -(jackhammer rattles)

-(donkey brays) -(whistle toots)

-(vehicle speeds past) -(sheep bleats)

(cow moos)

(drum roll)

(fanfare)

No, no, no, no, no, people. Your line is, "Not you! It's impossible!"

And then I say, "Not Impossible! Impossible Man!"

With this Infinity Gauntlet

I, Thanos, will rule the universe!

All right Squaddies, time to Hero up!

♪ When the bad guys are out, all you have to do is shout now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Well, they may not get along, but they're always fighting strong now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Wolverine and Hulk are fierce, Thanos ends up in tears ♪

♪ When Iron Man joins the fight ♪

♪ Falcon darts in from the sky Scarlet Witch by his side ♪

♪ Thor's hammer has thunder's might ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad ♪

(groans)

I am the Impossible Man!

Hi, everybody. Great to see you. Looking good.

I'm here to answer all your questions.

I've got one.

Who are you?

"Hey, Impossible Man, tell us your origin story!"

(chuckles) Well, I never pass up

a chance to tell my origin story!

I'm from the planet Poppup. The end.

Just kidding.

Everyone on my planet

has the power to change shapes and defy logic

and be really good at balloon animals.

You know, years ago, I came to Earth

and had a wonderful summer with the Fantastic Four.

We went to San Diego for some convention.

(laughs) Lots of weirdos there, believe me.

Okay, nothing to see here, people. Moving right along.

So Earth and Poppup decided to establish diplomatic relations.

(laughs)

Ooh, fun!

Ah, my spine!

Ms. Marvel became Earth's ambassador to Poppup,

and, boy, we loved her.

(growls)

You were so nice to us that I've come to return the favor.

I'm going to stay here with you for a while.

Oh, absolutely not.

No, never, not in a million years.

Ms. Marvel's right. Out there somewhere,

the Dark Surfer is controlling the universe.

We have to get this Helicarrier fixed up pronto.

We don't have time to host visitors,

even if they do bring books Hulk can actually read.

Sorry, bub. You're going to have to go home.

(cries)

I can't go home!

My wife kicked me out.

That make Hulk sad.

Now, you see the problem is, she said he was impossible to live with.

Or that maybe he wasn't impossible enough for her?

I don't know, something like that.

Truth be told, I wasn't really listening to what she was saying.

(cries)

(blows nose)

Oh, but his heart hath been broken!

Surely it couldn't hurt to let him stay on our couch?

Yeah! Let green man stay!

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, other green man.

I promise I'll be a great house guest.

You have positively nothing to worry about.

Worried? Who's worried?

I'm getting nowhere with these doors.

This is a job for Handy Man.

We're superheroes.

We should be able to fix a door.

(Impossible Man) Oh, I know how to fix a door!

Oh, baby, do I know how to fix a door!

Back on Popup, do you know what they call me?

No. What they call you?

I was asking you, 'cause I have no idea whatsoever.

I was hoping you'd tell me.

(grunts)

I think I did it.

(electricity crackles)

(laughs)

You funny.

You, too! And I'm green!

(gasps) Hulk green, too!

Yes, and I'm funny! Now come on, Hulk.

Let's see what else we can fix.

(both laughing)

Now, see, if I were you, I'd connect this to that.

(HERBIE screams)

(laughs) Number-one rule of comedy, Hulk.

Always zap the cute robot.

I'm not going to lie. (beeps)

That hurt. (beeps)

A lot. (beeps)

(Iron Man) Okay. I admit it.

It was a bad idea to let him stay.

Impossible Man has caused billions of dollars worth of damage

and put countless lives in danger.

And he's only been here 20 minutes!

Ah, it feels longer.

Hulk and Green Man finished!

The helicarrier has a got a shiny new coat of paint.

You know, I'm having so much fun.

But I gotta tell you, I still miss my wife.

(sighs)

Yes. Uh, how about that weather, huh?

Looks like rain.

(cries)

You know, my wife and I used to love talking about the weather!

We were going to have kids

and name them Sunny, Cloudy, and Partly Cloudy.

(cries)

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

What, that we should drag him to the zoo and feed him to the bears?

Yeah.

No, if we can get the Impossible Man

back together with his wife, he'll leave.

I suppose it's worth a shot.

But if that doesn't work, we're still going to the zoo.

Impy, if you love your wife, then win her back.

Shellhead is right.

If she means that much to you, just tell her.

But I tried that.

I made the greatest expression of love

that an Impossible Man can give.

(moans)

You threw a pie at her, didn't you?

Ah, you saw the video, huh?

(laughs) Yeah, but then we talked.

When we got married, she thought I was going to do great things.

But I haven't done anything great.

And now she's disappointed in me.

Impress her. Do something great.

Something epic. Something that's not a prank.

It sounds so hard. What if I fail?

Failure is not an option.

If your wife means the whole universe to you,

then you should show it by doing something huge!

You're right, Turtle Man. I should conquer the universe.

Wait, what?

Thanks, pal!

(laughs)

Okay, I didn't see that coming.

You told him to conquer the universe?

I didn't tell him to conquer the uni...

Besides, he can't conquer the universe.

The Dark Surfer already conquered the universe.

By Odin's subplot, what if... and I'm just spitballing here...

what if yon cartoony alien actually were to defeat the Dark Surfer?

Hey, Thor, nobody even knows where the Dark Surfer is.

I sense something is wrong.

(sniffs)

(howls)

(barks)

(laughs)

(grunts)

Ho, mighty Dark Surfer!

I come to challenge you to a contest for control of the universe.

I want no part of any contest.

But I'll give you the best part. C'mon, please?

Leave me now, or face the fury of the Infinity Sword.

It just so happens I brought my own sword.

En garde, Dark Surfer.

That is French for, "We'll be right back."

The Infinity Sword

is the most powerful weapon in the universe.

Wow, then what do you say we trade?

Fool!

My sword can only be used by the one who wields

the Infinity Gauntlet and the Infinity Stones.

I will waste no more time with you.

-(grunts) -Gimme the universe!

Gimme, gimme, gimme! Woo-hoo!

(Impossible Man) Hey, if I didn't know any better,

and I obviously don't, I'd say we're in Asgard.

(strains)

(grunts)

(barks)

(growls)

(strains)

Woo-hoo!

(grunts)

You are more powerful than I expected.

Our battle has shaken the very fabric of reality.

(laughs) I didn't know I could do that.

(grunts)

(strains)

Whoo!

(grunts)

Whoa, Skrull fight!

(cries out)

(grunts)

Ho-ho! Woo-hoo!

(grunts)

Observe. Nothing up my sleeve.

(grunts)

Well, hello, tall, dark, and purple.

Who are you?

(strains)

Too big to throw. Let me guess, Pilates?

Okay, gimme your wallet.

(strains)

Come on, help me out.

Ah.

(chuckles)

(strains)

Now look what you did!

Woo-hoo!

(laughs)

At long last, I have been freed.

Now let my enemies tremble at the might of Doctor Doom!

Abomination, Modok,

back to Latveria,

where we will plot my spin off!

(Iron Man) Prep that Helicarrier and find the Impossible Man.

(beeps) Systems aren't responding.

(Computer) Greetings. I am the Helicarrier main computer.

The helicarrier is talking again?

I thought we turned that off.

Impossible Man went to a very good technical school.

He has modified the computer systems. Now I am in charge.

Computer, I order you to stand down.

I'm afraid I can't do that, Da...

I mean, uh, Iron Man.

I am in control. I can't allow you

to interfere with my operatives.

(Hulk) Oh! Who turned out the lights?

(Scarlet Witch) Terrific. Now we have to fight the Helicarrier.

There's a signpost up ahead.

You have entered the Negative Zone.

I will see you destroyed, you annoying green pest.

(yelps)

Hey, look, the Positive Zone. I suddenly feel so optimistic.

Wait a minute. There's no such place as the Positive Zone.

-Are you sure? -Positively positive.

(laughs) Ta-da!

(strains)

Must find green man. Green man Hulk's friend!

Teach Hulk imitatable behavior!

(grunts)

(Computer) I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Oh yeah? Why?

Because if you open those doors,

the Helicarrier will self-destruct.

Okay. Hulk smash!

Hulk, no!

(strains)

The computer's calling the shots.

Uh-uh. From now on,

we're calling the shots, not the Impossible Man.

First, we are gonna take back our helicarrier,

then we're gonna stop Impossible Man and the Dark Surfer.

You have been a supremely worthy,

and supremely annoying, foe.

But your time has come to an end.

(grunts) What is the meaning of this?

It's a seventh Infinity Stone.

The Pizzazz Stone. It's got moxie. It's in there.

Look close! Closer.

Closer. Closer.

-(grunts) -(grunts)

Yes! Dark Surfer has been banished.

The universe is mine.

All of this belongs to me!

That shouldn't be happening,

not unless there's a black hole powerful enough to...

destroy the universe.

(gasps)

(Impossible Man) Think, Impy, think.

There must be some easy way

to prevent this hole from destroying the universe.

(dishes shattering, clattering)

Ooh.

Ahh.

Eww.

We're gonna need a bigger planet.

(Computer) Intruder alert. Intruder alert.

Intruder alert.

We have to get to the bridge.

But if we open the doors, the Helicarrier will explode.

We need to forget plausible and think impossible.

What would Impossible Man do? Ah, I've got it!

Ooh.

Super Hero Squad, Hero up!

♪ When the bad guys are out, all you have to do is shout now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Well, they may not get along, but they're always fighting strong now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Super Hero Squad, Hero up ♪

(Computer) Your super powers are no match

for my 100 giga-mega-gigaherz of computer power.

Now, I kinda wish you hadn't upgraded the defense systems.

Please. Take that.

And that.

Hit 'em, Squaddies.

(grunts)

(grunts)

(strains)

(beeps)

(strains)

(grunts)

(roars)

(strains)

(alarms sound)

Hey, where did this thing come from?

No wonder! It's set to Hollywood Executive. (beeps)

(alarm continues)

(beeps)

According to this, the computer was set on a course

to meet up with the Impossible Man.

(beeps)

Look! There green friend.

(beeps)

(Computer) Oxygenator activated.

Oxygen on.

Oxygenation complete.

Okay, hole. I've tried fixing you,

I've tried reasoning with you, I've even tried destroying you.

(Wolverine) It's all over, Impossible Bub!

No conquering the universe,

no changing our helicarrier,

no breaking the fourth wall for no good reason.

Is this what I think this is?

That? Why, it's nothing.

Just your usual hole in the fabric of space and time

that's going to cause the universe to collapse and destroy all existence.

Yeah, that's what I thought it was.

Well I hate to run Tin Man,

but I have to catch a bus. A train.

A bus-train. Yeah, of course, of course, definitely a train man.

I'll leave this unsolvable problem in your capable hands.

Sayonara.

Oh, no! You're not going anywhere!

You made this mess. You have to help fix it.

But I can't!

Are you even listening to yourself?

Look at all the trouble you've caused.

You have the power to do anything.

Fixing a hole should be easy for you.

I know, but I tried.

I've tried every logical thing I could think of.

What exactly about you is "logical"?

What's that you say, Falconi?

You're right. I'm not about logical.

I'm about the impossible. I need an idea.

I need a stupid impractical idea and I need it now.

Tick-Tock. We don't have much time.

I can try stuffing the hole, but I need something

permeable or soft or flexible.

Or Me!

Uh. What pointy-head green man doing?

(laughs)

You did it! You saved the universe.

Yes, I saved the universe.

And I know I should be happy, but I miss my wife.

(honks)

Impy?

Impy, is that you?

Everybody, I want you to meet my wife.

Snuggles, this is everybody. I dare you to guess which one's the Hulk.

What happened to you? Why are you stuck here?

Why, I saved the universe.

(Thor) Hmm? Oh. Aye!

He speaketh the truth.

Your husband plugged the hole with his...

Uh, well, he saved the universe.

Oh, how did the hole happen in the first...

That's not important right now. The important thing is he's a hero,

and you should take him back.

(laughs)

-(gasps) -Aw.

Oh! My hero.

No, Impossible Woman, our hero.

Well, the universe plug that Reed Richards made is working perfectly.

Impossible, you're free to go home.

Farewell, my friends.

Tin Man, I think I'll miss you most of all.

(cries)

Guys, I'm sorry if I caused any trouble.

That's okay, Impy. No hard feelings.

Aww, thanks. Oh, hey. There's this.

Ba-da-boom!

Mmm. Boysenberry.

For once, he hit me with a pie I like.

So, what are you two impossibly annoying love bubs gonna do now?

Any big plans?

We're going to start a family. We're adopting.

Aw, Daddykins.

(Impossible Man) Aw, Babykins.

(slurps)

Vengeance will be mine,

and the entire universe will pay.

And so Dark Surfer flies off into space,

bla-di, bla-di, blah, but we all know he'll be back.

Now just type, uh, "fade out" and "the rear end."

I mean, "the end."

(giggles)