Original subtitles

Add infinity to infinity,

and I can scatter the six of you

across time, space, and reality!

You'll be out of my universe forever!

(Iron Man) Guys, if you can hear me, remember,

Squaddies don't give up, we Hero up!

And if you can't hear me, well, never mind.

(cries out)

I had the strangest dream.

I thought I was launched through space and time

by the Dark Surfer.

(groans)

Yon damsel hath a tiny bump on the noggin.

Good morrow, pilgrim!

Where am I?

What's going on?

And why does everything look like this?

What year is this?

Hmm. That bump on your noggin was worse than I thought.

Why, my dear, it's 1602.

1602?

Well her ears work.

With this Infinity Gauntlet,

I, Thanos, will rule the universe!

All right, Squaddies, time to Hero Up!

(theme song playing)

♪ When the bad guys are out, all you have to do is shout now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Well, they may not get along, but they're always fighting strong now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! ♪ ♪ Hero up! ♪

♪ Wolverine and Hulk are fierce, even Thanos ends in tears ♪

♪ When Iron Man joins the fight ♪

♪ Falcon darts in from the sky Scarlet Witch blows up bad guys ♪

♪ Thor's hammer has thunder's might ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! ♪ ♪ Hero up! ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! ♪ ♪ Hero up! ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! ♪ ♪ Hero up! ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! ♪

(groans)

I'm in the year 1602.

One minute I'm fighting for the fate of the universe,

the next, I'm in an old-timey world where I have to wait 300 years

for someone to invent the indoor toilet!

Ah, her mouth works too.

Goodman Thor, be she a little strange?

Her clothes are strange, too.

I wasn't going to say anything, Goodwife Marvel,

but now that you brought it up,

her style is provocative.

Easy, child. I know not how you came to our town,

but you're safe here.

An alternate universe in time!

Why couldn't I wake up somewhere hip like 1973 England,

fighting crime and listening to David Bowie?

Uh, David who-now?

You're not in England.

(Ms. Marvel) You're across the ocean. 'Tis the New World!

How now, true believers!

Mayor?

Indeed! What gave me away?

It was the hat, wasn't it?

Goodman Mayor, we found this woman outside town.

She appears to be a new arrival from Europe.

A new arrival. Odd's Excelsior!

Welcome to Super Hero Towne,

the finest settlement in all the New World.

Well, at the moment, the only settlement in the New World.

Hey, let me give you the grand tour.

This is our town hall.

Sure, it's not much now, but we have big plans.

Over there the Baxters are building a building.

Over yonders,

we're putting a school for gifted youngsters,

over there, a mansion for meetings.

Assembling.

And that concludes the tour.

But where are my manners?

How was your journey here? And where is your ship?

Nay, there is no ship.

Goodwife Marvel and I found her asleep outside town.

That's odd. What did you say your name was?

My name is Wanda.

But you can call me the Scarlet...

-(gasps) -(bell chimes)

Oh, that's... that's not good.

(chiming continues)

(Mayor) That's the town alarm bell.

It only rings in case of flood, earthquake, or werewolves,

or if for some reason we're under attack by pirates.

One of these days it's gonna be werewolves.

(laughs)

Shiver me timbers!

Mr. Modok, bring us about!

Shiver your own timbers!

I give the orders around here, Mr. Abomination!

-I have a question. -Is it important?

Because now is not really a good time.

Okay. My parrot isn't eating or talking or doing anything.

Do you think there's something wrong?

Where do I even begin to tell you what's wrong?

(bell chimes)

A pirate raid!

I'm pretty sure pirates never attacked the pilgrims in 1602.

In fact, I don't even think pilgrims even arrived until...

What do I look like, a history major?

These evil-doers will know not what hit them.

Huh?

Ho, foul Pirate! Now feel the...

Whoa. Why do you thusly?

You ever been to the Bermuda triangle?

Well I've heard of said triangle, but nay.

Well if you ever go, bring a lot of sunscreen.

Oh, and don't look directly into the sun.

It hurts.

En garde, you scurvy landblubber!

Landblubber? Don't you mean landlubber?

That's what I said!

Well, I have no idea what that means,

but it sounds most unpleasant!

(strains)

Parry. Thrust.

Strike!

(strains)

(swords clanging)

Huh?

(grunts)

It took me forever to get that one broken in!

(sword clatters)

You owe me a new sword, bad hammer guy.

(grunts)

It'll take more than that to defeat the Son of Good Sir Odin!

Totally tripping.

(cries out)

My ship!

(sighs)

Fine. Our ship.

(grunts)

(cries out)

Now feel the wrath of Modok!

Odds whoop-de-do.

Cannonballs!

No time to get out of their way!

Get down, Mr. Mayor!

(strains)

That was amazing! You saved my life.

Not to say I couldn't have handled it.

I mean, it takes a lot to take me out.

Here comes another one! (grunts)

Aah!

I'm not having any of this!

You can have it back!

(screams)

Ew, ew! Say it's not so.

(shouts)

Time out!

There.

Hey! I'm the one with all the cannons.

What's a giant talking head

gotta do to get a little respect?

Uh, be nice?

Quiet.

They're coming around for another attack.

No, they're not.

Taste hot cannonball!

(Modok laughs)

(fart sounds)

Aah! That tastes awful! (spits)

Mr. Abomination! Retreat!

Retreat!

She's another hero.

You drove off the pirates.

And you've given us more than safety,

you've given us hope.

What do you mean by hope?

Life in the New World is harsh.

We've even thought about quitting and moving back to England,

but now you're here.

Working together, the colony can grow,

thrive, and be the greatest city in the New World!

You've proven to be a great hero.

What's your name

so we can give you a proper celebration?

You can call me Wanda,

but my friends call me the Scarlet Witch.

(crowd clamoring)

You're a witch?

Do you have a problem with witches?

(crowd clamoring)

(gavel slams)

Arch-bodkins! Scarlet Witch,

you are on trial for being a witch.

(crowd gasps)

(mayor) Scarlet Witch, do you understand

the charges against you?

No, I don't understand.

-What's wrong with being a witch? -(people gasp)

No one likes witches,

plus our colony hasn't been doing too well lately.

Sure, we could blame it on the harsh environment,

our own human limitations, and our own mistakes,

but it's much easier to blame it all on a witch.

-Hear, hear. -Is he serious?

Aye. The Mayor is nothing, if not a serious man.

(single applause)

I feel bad about this, but we are a town of laws.

The local media is calling this

the trial of the century.

But what if they find me guilty?

Oh, prithee, let due process take its course.

Sure. What could possibly go wrong?

(gavel bangs)

The first expert witness is Goodman Goodman.

(crowd murmurs)

(gavel bangs)

Witches are bad luck.

(applause)

(gavel bangs)

Pirates never attacked until the witch showed up.

(clamoring)

You're blaming me for the pirates?

Now, the days grow shorter,

trees lose their leaves, it becomes cold.

That's winter. Not witches!

Listen, fire breath,

who's the expert witness here?

You or me?

-(applause) -(gavel bangs)

(man) Burn the witch.

(gavel banging continues)

We're supposed to get rid of the witch

because she's too powerful.

But how are we supposed to get her if she's inside?

The whole town is at the trial.

Maybe we don't have to get rid of her.

Let's go tell the boss.

That witch might be our ticket to victory.

Witches have been statistically linked to bread going stale,

crime, disease, halitosis,

dizziness when driving, uh, low test scores.

Uh! Now you're just making things up.

Plus witches only speak their own language...

their own evil witch language.

I speak English!

Your Honor, I have no idea what she's saying.

You know exactly what I'm saying.

Not hearing it! Not hearing it! Stop babbling!

(strains)

(gasps)

Goodwife Pritchard, please stop fainting at everything.

Scarlet Witch, we've seen proof of your witchcraft

here in this courtroom.

I have no choice but to find you...

Wait for it...

Guilty!

(crowd clamoring)

(phone rings)

(Captain America) SHIELD headquarters. How may I... Oh, a comic book fan!

(angry chattering)

Ma'am, I don't even know who Winter Soldier is.

You take care now. Yeah, bye-bye.

When we find the Dark Surfer, we'll pay him back

in the currency of smackdown!

Oh! (gasps)

Ah, it's Doctor Strange,

and he's tracking snow all over my clean floors.

-Where ya been? -I've been searching

the other dimensions in the multiverse,

and I believe I have found the missing heroes.

That's fantastic!

With the Super Hero Squad back,

we can put up a fight against the Dark Surfer.

The missing Squaddies are in six other dimensions.

But, fear not. Hope is not lost.

Well, as long as they make it back.

You can't be serious.

It's the only fair way to deal with witches.

Oh, I'm sorry for this, Wanda. I really am.

You know, all the people like you on an individual one-on-one basis.

Oh, great. So you have to do this because?

Superstition and mob mentality have taken over.

I hope it doesn't make you think less of us.

(strains)

Where are Ms. Marvel and Thor?

They said they'd stop this before things got out of hand.

(straining)

Scarlet Witch, for the crime of being a witch,

you are to be fired out of a catapult.

-(object falling overhead) -We wish you all the best

in your future endeavors.

-(object lands in distance) -3-2-1.

Odd's pitootie! It's some sort of sleeping gas!

And because I keep

talking aloud, I...I'm breathing it in even faster,

which means I'm going to fall.

(grunts)

(Modok) Kerplunk.

Huh?

(laughs)

Pretty cool, huh?

Good thing I had that idea to use the sleeping gas.

I use gas all the time.

I said sleeping gas. Emphasis on sleeping.

What's going on?

What do you two pirates want?

It is probably best for you to defer all questions

to our fearless leader...

♪ Bum, bum, bum ♪

...Captain Doom.

No way.

It ain't Neil Gaiman, baby!

(laughs)

Doctor Doom.

Captain Doom.

You must have read my award-winning autobiography,

Dread Sails in the Sunset.

I ghost wrote it.

Yes, and you got a few things wrong,

like my name.

Oh, my good witch, my good witch,

your trial distracted the townsfolk

and their heroes, allowing me to take control.

You? But we did all the work.

No one likes a credit hog, Modok.

Now the New World belongs to me!

I will turn my native Latveria into a colonial powerhouse,

greater than Spain, Britain, or France!

-And I owe it all to you. -Don't mention it.

That is why I'm giving you

a chance to switch sides and join the winning team.

Have you got an other-dimensional hole in your head?

Ha, ha, and ha.

Oh, these people were going to punish you.

I am giving you a chance to punish them back.

I am still pretty mad.

You're trusting witches now?

Of course I am.

As of this moment, I rename this town

New Latveria!

And this Scarlet Witch

is going to help me build my empire!

That's what you think.

Ooh! Ooh!

She said, "That's what you think."

And she looked away from the camera

and made the "I'm pretending to be on your side,

but I'm secretly not helping you" look.

Oh, jealousy doesn't suit you, Modok.

Come! We have work to do!

Are you kidding me?

I'm the only person that saw that?

Keep an eye out for that Scarlet Witch.

I don't trust her.

Uh, no.

And then when you're done doing that you...

What do you mean no?

I don't have to follow your orders.

I'm in charge. You should follow my orders.

I'm not following your orders!

Then I'm not following yours.

Hmm. It would appear we are at a stalemate.

Maybe.

Uh, first you have to tell me what a stalemate is.

Stalemate. From the Latin "stalmatis."

Doh! She's trying to free the heroes!

(growls)

(grunts)

(strains)

I was going to make you walk the plank,

but this is a lot more entertaining.

So long, Scarlet Witch.

(yelps)

(gasps)

Oh, boy.

(rumbling)

(Modok) Doh.

You were in charge. This is all your fault.

-Tell me what a stalemate is. -No.

Ah. It is done!

The New World now belongs to me.

You can't do this, Doom.

Oh, but I can and have!

I have already sent letters to the great leaders of Europe...

Elizabeth of England,

Philip of Spain, Vasa of Sweden.

Sweden? Why Sweden?

Sweden. You don't mess with the Swedes.

Have you seen their navy?

They have thousands of little warships made of particle board.

(loud crash, wood clattering)

What is the meaning of this?

What's it look like?

Your rule over the New World is over.

Huh? You helped them stand against me?

Your betrayal is shocking.

Shocking!

Goodman Thor, get the townspeople.

Unfortunately, for you, I am not defenseless.

This suit of armor is steam-powered, and it packs quite a punch.

I'm not a patient woman, Captain.

That's why I'm going to end this very quickly.

(grunts)

Nuts!

Thank goodness you're here, Goodman Thor.

Oh, I was getting bored.

Mighty Mjolnir will release you, Good Sir Mayor,

and in style.

Mjolnir, show him what he's won.

No closer!

One more step, and I'll unleash

the full destructive force of my armor's weapon systems.

We'll all go together!

You're bluffing.

Really?

You think I wouldn't do it?

No, I think you will no matter what we do.

How do you know me so well?

Now, face the full destructive force of my armor's weapon systems!

(cries out)

Wait, wait, what are you doing?

A little probability exercise I call witchcraft.

Fools! You can't possibly...

Uh, pardon me,

but at the risk of sounding ignorant,

where did this chair come from?

Oh, I hate witches.

(screams)

Nuts!

Scarlet Witch?

We want to apologize for the way we treated you.

The townspeople and I

have learned a valuable lesson about tolerance.

And all I had to do to teach you this valuable lesson was to save your lives.

Ha! The system works.

(Scarlet Witch) I can't believe the townspeople put all this together.

Well you saved their town twice.

'Twas the least they could do.

But a feast like this? I'm just so impressed

by what these colonists manage to carve out of nothing.

So, I guess I learned something, too.

A toast to the Scarlet Witch,

the best witch this town has ever had.

'Nuff said, pilgrims.

(gags)

Worst part of 1602? The food.

(grunts)

Cholera vaccines for everyone!

(theme music playing)